Sabrina, the Animated Series (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 1 - Most Dangerous Witch - full transcript
Uh-oh.
Aah!
Whoa!
No!
-I say we go left.
-Right.
Right like okay or right like right?
Next time, right should be right.
Good evening, ladies.
My happy sunrise breakfast...
...is going to fix you two right up.
Aah!
Bit jittery this morning, I see.
Jittery? What makes you think that?
What's wrong with you two?
I've never seen you so afraid.
-Zelda had a dream.
-Only it wasn't a dream.
It was real,
and it was about Tim the Witch Smeller.
-Who smells?
-No! Tim the Witch Smeller.
He hunts down witches for his own private
trophy collection, and we could be next!
-What's this guy got against witches?
-Show her.
Egg from a chicken, milk from a cow
Sugar and spice
Make the past appear now
That's the Witch Smeller?
He doesn't look very scary.
Don't judge him just by his looks.
Tim was born a complete freak.
Even though his mother was a witch...
...he had no magical powers
and never would.
He was no better than a mortal.
Knock it off or you'll be sorry.
What are you gonna do?
Not cast a spell on us?
Witches can be so cruel.
Uh, present company excepted,
of course.
With his only friend in the world...
...an aardvark named Elton...
...Tim left home,
vowing revenge on all witches.
He decided to use the power of science...
...against witchcraft.
He worked as an apprentice...
...under one of the most brilliant thinkers
of the day. Da Vinci.
But Tim stole Da Vinci's inventions...
...and modified them
for his own twisted revenge.
Tim's advanced his technology
over the years...
...and with all of his tricks and traps....
Well, if Tim the smell master
comes poking around...
...leave him to me and Salem.
We'll take care of him.
Right, Salem? Salem?
Say cheese! You’re
on America's Cruelest Practical Jokes.
And watch your back, America...
...you never know
when we might be coming to your town!
The guy's a mud head! Classic.
Adults are so gullible.
I heard when we're born,
we have all our brain cells.
We lose them as we get older.
So we're never really getting smarter,
only dumber.
That sure explains my aunts.
The secret to that show
is not to act surprised...
...when they spring the weird stuff
on you.
Don't freak,
and you won't look like a doofus.
A pocket funhouse mirror?
-You always got the coolest junk.
-Uh-oh.
Better give me that, Harvey.
You don't want people
saying you're conceited.
Aw, check it out!
Wow, cool!
That's your dad's soul gem amulet.
It holds a little of the magical essence...
...from every witch and warlock
that has ever worn it.
-Is it me?
-Too retro.
Besides, it belongs to my dad...
...and he has a hands-off rule
when it comes to his stuff.
Lunch is served. Come and get it!
Hmm.
Maybe I'll just try it on.
What could happen?
Uh-oh.
Uncle Quigley, what smells so bad?
-Camouflage.
-When does a witch not smell like a witch?
When she smells like a dumpster?
Exactly.
This is our own recipe
of garlic, rotten eggs, sardines...
...and stinky cheese.
Now Tim will never come near us.
He's not the only one.
Uh, no time for lunch. Gotta go.
Huh?
Oh, my, Harvey left his backpack.
That boy would forget his feet
if they weren't attached to his ankles.
I can still catch him.
You smell a witch, don't you, precious?
The nose knows.
The question now is,
which witch will it be?
I know. I'll just soap up and slip it over.
Always works when I get my head
caught in the banister.
Ooh, my, my, Elton.
He must be a powerful warlock, indeed,
for you to get so feisty.
You shall be the crowning glory...
...of my embarrassingly huge collection
of captured witches.
I find evil so invigorating.
Let me go!
Is this some kind of a cruel practical joke?
Holy monkeys,
I’m on America's Cruelest Practical Jokes!
Harvey! Harvey!
Hey!
Oh, no!
You were right!
See? We told you.
Right about what?
Tim the Witch Smeller. He's here!
Aah!
Guess dreams really do come true.
Oh, dear.
Does that mean one day,
I'll go running through the produce section...
...wearing nothing
but a belt of radishes?
He captured Harvey!
Are you sure?
Tim hunts only witches and warlocks.
Harvey's only a mortal.
Who’d want him?
Only a mortal?
It so happens some of my best friends
are mortal.
Yeah, yeah, Quig.
Tim must think Harvey's a warlock.
Why?
Oh, no! Harvey!
-Radishes?
-Just never you mind.
Oh, no, the soul gem!
It's gone. Harvey must have it.
The magical essence
from that amulet...
...would be enough to fool
that idiot aardvark into thinking--
That Harvey's a warlock!
-Well, perhaps we should--
-Only one thing to do.
- Start packing!
- Packing? We have to rescue Harvey!
We'll just zap Tim with a couple of spells
from the Spookie Jar, and--
Tim has a spell scrambler.
It jumbles up all our spells,
making them useless.
Fine.
If you two won't help, I'll do it myself.
Aah!
The only place you're going
is to your room to pack.
Let me go! Ow!
No!
Look at all this stuff!
Who directs your show,
James Cameron?
You think I could get a T-shirt or something
when we're all done?
When we're all done,
I'll have your head mounted on my wall!
Perhaps a souvenir baseball cap
would be more in order.
Whatever.
TV people are weird.
Going somewhere?
Do you have any idea
how dangerous the Witch Smeller is?
I don't care. Harvey needs me.
I'm going with you.
You're the best.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm a four-legged Santa Claus.
Now, how do we bust out of here?
Santa Claus! You're a genius!
No!
- Unh.
- Oof.
Ow, my spine.
I borrowed this from Aunt Hilda's
spell book. It's a tracking spell.
Show me true
No hiccups or glitches
The path that's trod
By the smeller of witches
It's true.
The dumber the rhyme, the cooler the spell.
Aah! Ooh!
-Sabrina's gone.
-And there's a tracking spell missing...
-...from my spell book.
-I'll get the car.
Maybe it's best if you leave this
to us witches.
After all, if a witch can't defeat Tim,
what chance does a mere mortal have?
What chance does
a mere mortal have?
Dagnab,
this isn't about witches or mortals.
It's about family.
Great.
The Rocky Horror Dream House.
Come on!
Cool! Special effects!
And so the delicious finish draws near.
I was gonna ask
if we could move things along.
Because if I don't get this amulet back
to my friend Sabrina...
...I'm gonna get totally busted.
Amulet?
A soul gem!
Aah! So you're not a warlock.
Intruders!
Oh, how am I supposed
to get any work done?
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Are you all right?
Of course we're not all right,
you little brat.
How'd you like to be stuck
on some dusty wall for hundreds of years?
Leave the girl alone.
She didn't put us up here.
Easy for you to be nice.
You don't have spiders
laying eggs in your ear.
I'm looking for a cute young guy
with dark brown hair and a dreamy smile.
Aren't we all, honey?
Get us out of here!
Where's the rest of you?
Stuck in some parallel dimension.
Tim used that witch trap of his
to turn us all into living trophies.
Glad to hear
you're all getting along so well.
Because you're going to be spending
a lot of time together.
-Whoa.
-Now it's my turn!
Poor darling.
What have you done with Harvey?
Nothing. He's no warlock.
But he will make a lovely servant.
Whereas you two magical so-and-sos...
...will make fine additions
to my permanent collection.
I told you he was all washed up.
Ha-ha-ha! What?
Some great witch hunter.
This guy couldn't catch a cold
in Frosty the Snowman's armpit.
I caught you, didn't I?
Nope. We came to you. Major diff.
-She's right.
-You're losing your touch, Witch Smeller.
Very well, witchling...
...I shall give you
a five-minute head start.
If you can elude me until sundown,
you all go free.
If not, I keep you all. Agreed?
You're on, twerp.
You go, girl!
Which way?
Down and out of sight.
That detour should throw him off
for a while.
I wouldn't count on that.
Oh, no.
Aah!
Don't suppose you wanna try
for best two out of three?
Long time no smell, Timmy.
Still taking your vacuum cleaner
for walks, I see.
It's time to turn you into a frog,
you toad!
It's raining cheese! Hallelujah!
Wha--? Aah!
Ha! You seem to have forgotten
the power of my spell scrambler!
Aah!
A crucial error in tactics.
For a non-witch,
this guy can sure cause a lot of trouble.
Run now, talk later.
Something tells me he's upset.
That way.
The Greendale Mall?
Home field advantage.
Nobody can outmaneuver me in a mall.
Sabrina! Sabrina?
Sabrina! Sabrina!
Sabrina!
Huh?
Is the apocalypse upon us?
Tune in at 6:00 to find out.
Bingo!
Aah!
I despise minivans.
We'd better get the innocent bystanders
out of danger.
Cream of mushroom, gumbo chowder
Make these people take a powder
In a mall, no crowds,
but no time to shop.
I'm getting even with that Witch Smeller
if it's the last thing I do!
Here comes your chance!
Ha!
Aw, shoot.
Leave that aardvark to me.
Get out of here.
Aha!
Hot, extra hot.
Aye chihuahua!
Aha!
That's it, Fido, follow your nose.
That'll teach you to keep your nose
out of other people's business.
Elton! What have they done to you?
As long as he's got that scrambler,
our spells are totally useless.
Who needs magic?
We're in a mall!
You're talking
some mega cavities there.
These aren't for chewing,
they're for spewing.
Aha!
Yoo-hoo! Over here!
Yah!
Aah! Unh!
Have a nice trip?
We did it! We made it till night!
We beat Tim! Witches rule!
Not for much longer!
You're not the kind
to hold a grudge, are you?
I'll take that as a yes.
I have you now!
We won fair and square!
Why should I play fair with you?
You witches never played fair with me!
Whoa! Oh, no!
Let go of me!
You're a mortal.
Don't you see
how horrible these witches are?
That's a load of hooey.
Sure, maybe a group of witches
excluded you hundreds of years ago...
...but that's got nothing to do
with these girls.
They've never lifted a finger
against you.
No, you don't understand, old man.
Witches are all alike!
Horse feathers!
Everybody's an individual...
...responsible for their own actions!
I judge people
by what they say and do...
...not by skin color or sex
or nationality...
...or whether they happen to have
magic powers.
Goodness, you are so right!
Ladies, please accept
my most abject apologies.
Well, he does seem sorry.
I am.
You can show me the error of my ways
in eternity!
Oh, no!
Some people never get it.
You haven't seen the last of me!
Aah!
Wha--?
To be honest, I wasn't too crazy
about seeing the first of you.
Uncle Quigley, you saved us!
Not bad. For a mortal.
This mortal happened to have
pulled your collective fannies out of the fire.
I'd remember that
next time you witches get all highfaluting.
That's the kind of attitude
that creates people like the Witch Smeller.
Mortal? Oh, no, Harvey!
Is this thing ever gonna come off?
It has a weird clasp.
Here.
Looks like America's Cruelest Jokes
really went all out this time.
Yeah, but they didn't fool me
for one second.
I always knew what was going on.
Sure, you did.
Thanks. I thought we were gonna be stuck
on that wall forever.
So, what happened to Tim and Elton?
No, no, to the left.
It's my nose that itches, you stupid beast,
not my eye!
I'll get you, Sabrina Spellman!
Do you hear me?
I'll have my reve-- Aah, ow!
I certainly hope
you remembered to wash that thing.
Ha-ha-ha. Freaks!
Savage, we love you.
Cookie Jar.
Aah!
Whoa!
No!
-I say we go left.
-Right.
Right like okay or right like right?
Next time, right should be right.
Good evening, ladies.
My happy sunrise breakfast...
...is going to fix you two right up.
Aah!
Bit jittery this morning, I see.
Jittery? What makes you think that?
What's wrong with you two?
I've never seen you so afraid.
-Zelda had a dream.
-Only it wasn't a dream.
It was real,
and it was about Tim the Witch Smeller.
-Who smells?
-No! Tim the Witch Smeller.
He hunts down witches for his own private
trophy collection, and we could be next!
-What's this guy got against witches?
-Show her.
Egg from a chicken, milk from a cow
Sugar and spice
Make the past appear now
That's the Witch Smeller?
He doesn't look very scary.
Don't judge him just by his looks.
Tim was born a complete freak.
Even though his mother was a witch...
...he had no magical powers
and never would.
He was no better than a mortal.
Knock it off or you'll be sorry.
What are you gonna do?
Not cast a spell on us?
Witches can be so cruel.
Uh, present company excepted,
of course.
With his only friend in the world...
...an aardvark named Elton...
...Tim left home,
vowing revenge on all witches.
He decided to use the power of science...
...against witchcraft.
He worked as an apprentice...
...under one of the most brilliant thinkers
of the day. Da Vinci.
But Tim stole Da Vinci's inventions...
...and modified them
for his own twisted revenge.
Tim's advanced his technology
over the years...
...and with all of his tricks and traps....
Well, if Tim the smell master
comes poking around...
...leave him to me and Salem.
We'll take care of him.
Right, Salem? Salem?
Say cheese! You’re
on America's Cruelest Practical Jokes.
And watch your back, America...
...you never know
when we might be coming to your town!
The guy's a mud head! Classic.
Adults are so gullible.
I heard when we're born,
we have all our brain cells.
We lose them as we get older.
So we're never really getting smarter,
only dumber.
That sure explains my aunts.
The secret to that show
is not to act surprised...
...when they spring the weird stuff
on you.
Don't freak,
and you won't look like a doofus.
A pocket funhouse mirror?
-You always got the coolest junk.
-Uh-oh.
Better give me that, Harvey.
You don't want people
saying you're conceited.
Aw, check it out!
Wow, cool!
That's your dad's soul gem amulet.
It holds a little of the magical essence...
...from every witch and warlock
that has ever worn it.
-Is it me?
-Too retro.
Besides, it belongs to my dad...
...and he has a hands-off rule
when it comes to his stuff.
Lunch is served. Come and get it!
Hmm.
Maybe I'll just try it on.
What could happen?
Uh-oh.
Uncle Quigley, what smells so bad?
-Camouflage.
-When does a witch not smell like a witch?
When she smells like a dumpster?
Exactly.
This is our own recipe
of garlic, rotten eggs, sardines...
...and stinky cheese.
Now Tim will never come near us.
He's not the only one.
Uh, no time for lunch. Gotta go.
Huh?
Oh, my, Harvey left his backpack.
That boy would forget his feet
if they weren't attached to his ankles.
I can still catch him.
You smell a witch, don't you, precious?
The nose knows.
The question now is,
which witch will it be?
I know. I'll just soap up and slip it over.
Always works when I get my head
caught in the banister.
Ooh, my, my, Elton.
He must be a powerful warlock, indeed,
for you to get so feisty.
You shall be the crowning glory...
...of my embarrassingly huge collection
of captured witches.
I find evil so invigorating.
Let me go!
Is this some kind of a cruel practical joke?
Holy monkeys,
I’m on America's Cruelest Practical Jokes!
Harvey! Harvey!
Hey!
Oh, no!
You were right!
See? We told you.
Right about what?
Tim the Witch Smeller. He's here!
Aah!
Guess dreams really do come true.
Oh, dear.
Does that mean one day,
I'll go running through the produce section...
...wearing nothing
but a belt of radishes?
He captured Harvey!
Are you sure?
Tim hunts only witches and warlocks.
Harvey's only a mortal.
Who’d want him?
Only a mortal?
It so happens some of my best friends
are mortal.
Yeah, yeah, Quig.
Tim must think Harvey's a warlock.
Why?
Oh, no! Harvey!
-Radishes?
-Just never you mind.
Oh, no, the soul gem!
It's gone. Harvey must have it.
The magical essence
from that amulet...
...would be enough to fool
that idiot aardvark into thinking--
That Harvey's a warlock!
-Well, perhaps we should--
-Only one thing to do.
- Start packing!
- Packing? We have to rescue Harvey!
We'll just zap Tim with a couple of spells
from the Spookie Jar, and--
Tim has a spell scrambler.
It jumbles up all our spells,
making them useless.
Fine.
If you two won't help, I'll do it myself.
Aah!
The only place you're going
is to your room to pack.
Let me go! Ow!
No!
Look at all this stuff!
Who directs your show,
James Cameron?
You think I could get a T-shirt or something
when we're all done?
When we're all done,
I'll have your head mounted on my wall!
Perhaps a souvenir baseball cap
would be more in order.
Whatever.
TV people are weird.
Going somewhere?
Do you have any idea
how dangerous the Witch Smeller is?
I don't care. Harvey needs me.
I'm going with you.
You're the best.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm a four-legged Santa Claus.
Now, how do we bust out of here?
Santa Claus! You're a genius!
No!
- Unh.
- Oof.
Ow, my spine.
I borrowed this from Aunt Hilda's
spell book. It's a tracking spell.
Show me true
No hiccups or glitches
The path that's trod
By the smeller of witches
It's true.
The dumber the rhyme, the cooler the spell.
Aah! Ooh!
-Sabrina's gone.
-And there's a tracking spell missing...
-...from my spell book.
-I'll get the car.
Maybe it's best if you leave this
to us witches.
After all, if a witch can't defeat Tim,
what chance does a mere mortal have?
What chance does
a mere mortal have?
Dagnab,
this isn't about witches or mortals.
It's about family.
Great.
The Rocky Horror Dream House.
Come on!
Cool! Special effects!
And so the delicious finish draws near.
I was gonna ask
if we could move things along.
Because if I don't get this amulet back
to my friend Sabrina...
...I'm gonna get totally busted.
Amulet?
A soul gem!
Aah! So you're not a warlock.
Intruders!
Oh, how am I supposed
to get any work done?
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Are you all right?
Of course we're not all right,
you little brat.
How'd you like to be stuck
on some dusty wall for hundreds of years?
Leave the girl alone.
She didn't put us up here.
Easy for you to be nice.
You don't have spiders
laying eggs in your ear.
I'm looking for a cute young guy
with dark brown hair and a dreamy smile.
Aren't we all, honey?
Get us out of here!
Where's the rest of you?
Stuck in some parallel dimension.
Tim used that witch trap of his
to turn us all into living trophies.
Glad to hear
you're all getting along so well.
Because you're going to be spending
a lot of time together.
-Whoa.
-Now it's my turn!
Poor darling.
What have you done with Harvey?
Nothing. He's no warlock.
But he will make a lovely servant.
Whereas you two magical so-and-sos...
...will make fine additions
to my permanent collection.
I told you he was all washed up.
Ha-ha-ha! What?
Some great witch hunter.
This guy couldn't catch a cold
in Frosty the Snowman's armpit.
I caught you, didn't I?
Nope. We came to you. Major diff.
-She's right.
-You're losing your touch, Witch Smeller.
Very well, witchling...
...I shall give you
a five-minute head start.
If you can elude me until sundown,
you all go free.
If not, I keep you all. Agreed?
You're on, twerp.
You go, girl!
Which way?
Down and out of sight.
That detour should throw him off
for a while.
I wouldn't count on that.
Oh, no.
Aah!
Don't suppose you wanna try
for best two out of three?
Long time no smell, Timmy.
Still taking your vacuum cleaner
for walks, I see.
It's time to turn you into a frog,
you toad!
It's raining cheese! Hallelujah!
Wha--? Aah!
Ha! You seem to have forgotten
the power of my spell scrambler!
Aah!
A crucial error in tactics.
For a non-witch,
this guy can sure cause a lot of trouble.
Run now, talk later.
Something tells me he's upset.
That way.
The Greendale Mall?
Home field advantage.
Nobody can outmaneuver me in a mall.
Sabrina! Sabrina?
Sabrina! Sabrina!
Sabrina!
Huh?
Is the apocalypse upon us?
Tune in at 6:00 to find out.
Bingo!
Aah!
I despise minivans.
We'd better get the innocent bystanders
out of danger.
Cream of mushroom, gumbo chowder
Make these people take a powder
In a mall, no crowds,
but no time to shop.
I'm getting even with that Witch Smeller
if it's the last thing I do!
Here comes your chance!
Ha!
Aw, shoot.
Leave that aardvark to me.
Get out of here.
Aha!
Hot, extra hot.
Aye chihuahua!
Aha!
That's it, Fido, follow your nose.
That'll teach you to keep your nose
out of other people's business.
Elton! What have they done to you?
As long as he's got that scrambler,
our spells are totally useless.
Who needs magic?
We're in a mall!
You're talking
some mega cavities there.
These aren't for chewing,
they're for spewing.
Aha!
Yoo-hoo! Over here!
Yah!
Aah! Unh!
Have a nice trip?
We did it! We made it till night!
We beat Tim! Witches rule!
Not for much longer!
You're not the kind
to hold a grudge, are you?
I'll take that as a yes.
I have you now!
We won fair and square!
Why should I play fair with you?
You witches never played fair with me!
Whoa! Oh, no!
Let go of me!
You're a mortal.
Don't you see
how horrible these witches are?
That's a load of hooey.
Sure, maybe a group of witches
excluded you hundreds of years ago...
...but that's got nothing to do
with these girls.
They've never lifted a finger
against you.
No, you don't understand, old man.
Witches are all alike!
Horse feathers!
Everybody's an individual...
...responsible for their own actions!
I judge people
by what they say and do...
...not by skin color or sex
or nationality...
...or whether they happen to have
magic powers.
Goodness, you are so right!
Ladies, please accept
my most abject apologies.
Well, he does seem sorry.
I am.
You can show me the error of my ways
in eternity!
Oh, no!
Some people never get it.
You haven't seen the last of me!
Aah!
Wha--?
To be honest, I wasn't too crazy
about seeing the first of you.
Uncle Quigley, you saved us!
Not bad. For a mortal.
This mortal happened to have
pulled your collective fannies out of the fire.
I'd remember that
next time you witches get all highfaluting.
That's the kind of attitude
that creates people like the Witch Smeller.
Mortal? Oh, no, Harvey!
Is this thing ever gonna come off?
It has a weird clasp.
Here.
Looks like America's Cruelest Jokes
really went all out this time.
Yeah, but they didn't fool me
for one second.
I always knew what was going on.
Sure, you did.
Thanks. I thought we were gonna be stuck
on that wall forever.
So, what happened to Tim and Elton?
No, no, to the left.
It's my nose that itches, you stupid beast,
not my eye!
I'll get you, Sabrina Spellman!
Do you hear me?
I'll have my reve-- Aah, ow!
I certainly hope
you remembered to wash that thing.
Ha-ha-ha. Freaks!
Savage, we love you.
Cookie Jar.