Sabrina: Secrets of a Teenage Witch (2013–2014): Season 1, Episode 6 - Faking Up Is Hard to Do - full transcript
[ school bell rings ]
Hey, Sabrina!
[ groans, growls ]
Ho ho.
Tough morning?
Tough whole entire day!
I already spent eight hours
at Witch School,
7 1/2 of them
fighting with Shinji,
and now I have
a math test,
but I can't find
my math book! [ sighs ]
I just need enough time
in my life to straighten out
my locker.
Hmm.
[ laughs ]
Ah! There!
Um, 'Bri, that's
your history book.
Oh. I guess my mind is
a little bit on other Jims--
Other things!
[ sighs ] There's a party
Friday night,
and I was thinking of seeing
if he wanted to go with me,
but I haven't come up with
the right time to ask him.
[ sighs ] I just hope
he doesn't see me like this,
because if he sees me
like this, I'd have to say--
[ gasps ] Jim!
Hi, Sabrina.
At least, I'm pretty sure
that's you back there.
Well, if it's not,
then somebody
stole my math book.
[ laughs ]
Listen, I've got
to get to class,
but maybe
see you later?
Yes, you will.
Great. Ow!
[ gasps ]
[ gasps ]
[ chuckles ]
Have to actually
open these things.
[ both laugh ]
♪ Here's the situation ♪
♪ I'm a combination ♪
♪ Magic can't define ♪
♪ Define ♪
♪ No need for explanations ♪
♪ Endless demonstrations ♪
♪ It's magic,
and it's mine ♪
♪ It's mine ♪
♪ I can never shout ♪
♪ What it's all about ♪
♪ But you ♪
♪ But you ♪
♪ Oh, you know? ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I've got
the witch's secret ♪
♪ Changing the world
to keep it ♪
♪ Where am I now? ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I've got
the power to do it ♪
♪ I've got the wand,
I'll use it ♪
♪ I'll show you how ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ And I've cast my spell ♪
♪ On you again ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
Oh, we open
in five minutes,
and we don't have
a single muffin.
You forgot
the blueberries!
Those are cranberries!
The blueberries would be,
well, the berries
that are blue!
Blueberries?
No problem.
Perfect!
Ah, human teenagers
manage to open doors
without smashing
their faces
and go on dates
with guys named Jim.
Why can't I?
Sabrina, honey, do you
have something else
on your mind?
What?
Sorry.
That's okay.
I've been wanting
to exfoliate anyway.
Sabrina,
you have a visitor.
Huh?
[ bouncing ]
Ehh.
Oh. Uh, sorry!
Can't get it open.
You know
me and doors.
What?
What?
Well, I wondered if
you wanted to go to
the track team party.
You grunted to throw
to the frat cream hardy?
The track team party!
Friday night?
You're asking me out?
I'm pretty sure
I am, yeah.
Then, yeah,
absolutely
I want to go! yeah!
Great!
What?
I said--
Never mind.
Yes!
How awesome is this?
I'm guessing
extremely.
Your feet don't even
touch the ground.
I know. I'm, like,
totally pumped.
No, dear. Your feet
don't even touch
the ground.
[ gasps ]
Ow.
[ all cough ]
Hmm. Guess I used
too much magic?
Or not enough?
Oh, dear. I casted
that training artifact
with my own two hands
and also a foot,
but you ruined it
with one misspoken spell.
Sabrina, that was your
third mistake this week.
That's not like you
at all.
I'm sorry. I guess I've
been a little bit, um...
Distracted?
What? No.
Actually, I'm really
concentrating.
Okay, trying to think
of the right word.
Hold on. Distracted!
If you were
any other student,
I'd almost
certainly assign you
to Friday evening's
detention
for your
continuing misbehavior.
Detention? No, no, no.
I don't want
to go there.
But in this case,
perhaps a trip
to Enchantra's office
will suffice.
Suddenly detention's
not looking so bad.
Well, maybe
a few moments with her
will motivate you to get
back to your high level
of witchery.
Yes, Professor.
Three mistakes
in one week?
Yeah, but who's counting?
Oh, you and Professor Geist.
Right.
Do you have
an explanation
for your conduct?
Well, I guess I've kind of
had my mind on other things.
You see, there's this boy,
and he's really cute.
A boy?
[ gasps ]
Not a human boy, I hope.
Consorting with humans
was your father's
big mistake.
What?
Perhaps I should go
to the Human World
and remove this boy
from the equation, hmm?
No! Don't remove him!
I mean, there is no him.
I--I mean, there is,
but, um,
not in the Human World.
I mean, come on.
Me and a human boy?
I mean, that's something
that there is no way
it could ever be true.
So this boy
is a warlock?
Uh, yeah. Sure, yeah.
Yeah, he's a warlock,
which makes him not a human,
so--so no removal necessary.
Who is
this warlock boy
with whom
you're so enamored?
Who? Oh, um,
he's just a guy,
you know, warlock guy,
you know,
cute, funny,
good with spells
type of guy.
He sounds
quite appealing.
Appealing, yeah.
That's what I was
gonna say next.
And you say he's
often on your mind?
Yep, yeah. I can't
stop thinking about him.
Well, Shinji is
going to be thrilled
when he finds out
that you are
enamored with him.
Yes, he is! Wait. What?
And now that I know
your true feelings
for my son,
I insist that you have
dinner with him and me
this Friday evening.
Friday night?
You have
another engagement?
Cancel it!
Unless you'd rather have
two weeks of detention
cleaning out the pen
of the Minaean Hydra.
Yikes! I've seen
that thing eat.
I can only imagine
what comes out
the other end.
Ah! Then I'll tell Shinji
you'll join us on Friday.
Yeah, sure. It's a date.
I mean not a date.
I mean, yay!
[ sighs ]
SABRINA:
I can't believe this!
I really want to go
to the party with Jim,
but now I'm stuck
hanging out with Shinji
and Mommy Fearest!
[ groans ] Ugh!
Why did the party
and the dinner
have to be at the exact
same moment?
Ah, sorry, kiddo.
Zelda, I'm tired of ironing.
Let's switch.
I mean, I don't even know
what I'm gonna say
to Jim
the next time he...
JIM: Hey, Sabrina!
shows up.
Check it out.
Official Greendale
Track Team merch.
This party's
gonna rock.
Uh, yeah, about that,
I can't exactly go.
What?
I--I mean,
I thought I could go,
and I really want to go,
but I just--I just can't.
Why not?
Uh, I have to--
to wash the cat.
He smells bad,
like, really bad.
[ sniffs ]
Eww. Feline funk.
Feline funk?
Yeah. It's a very
serious condition.
I think they
do a telethon every year
to raise money for a cure.
[ cellphone ringtone ]
Uh, that's Amy.
What does she want?
Are you gonna go
to the party with her?
I don't know, but...
have fun
washing your cat.
[ groans ]
My human life's a mess,
my witch life's,
a disaster!
and--[ sniffs ]
my cat
really does stink.
Hi, Amy.
To the party? With you?
Nah, I'm not going.
I, uh,
have to wash my cat.
Dinner with Sabrina?
Are you bewitched?
I'd rather eat
with the acid-spitting troll
of Tyrannia!
Would you
think differently
if you knew she had
a crush on my little boy?
No.
Well--
No, no!
My thoughts
are the same!
Well, then, it's settled.
Dinner for two,
plus me, Friday night.
Make sure you get
all of your
invisibility homework
done before then.
Do you have
your cloaking crystal?
Yes, Mother.
You're such a good boy.
Ugh. He's such
a stubborn boy!
He knows full well
that Sabrina is going
to be queen someday,
and if he is her king,
I can combine their power
and rule this world forever!
Ho! Aren't dark prophesies
a wonderful thing?
[ sighs ]
Okay, Harvey.
I can't believe I'm
actually saying this,
but I need your advice
about girls.
Well, then you've come
to the right place.
Heh. Actually,
you've come to me,
but let's see
what I can do.
Sabrina bailed on our date.
She said her cat
has feline funk.
Yeesh!
My cat had that once.
That thing smelled
nas-to-the-ty.
Well, you went out
with Sabrina that one time,
so what is she into?
Huh.
Well, I've heard her
talk about warlocks,
witches and werewolves
a couple of times,
so I'm pretty sure
she's into that stuff.
Or at least,
I'm into that stuff,
and--and she was into me,
so you do the math.
Actually,
there's
no math involved,
just reading.
Oh, I'd give anything
to bail on this dinner
and go out with Jim.
Huh?
[ gasps ]
What the hex?
Somebody's using
some seriously
strong magic.
[ fire crackles ]
Who's there?
What?!
[ crackling ]
Okay, things need
to cool down in here a lot.
[ grunts ]
Did you see that?
All I see
is my previously
most promising student
not paying attention
to where she's going.
No, the hallway.
It turned into, like,
this freaky cave.
Then this
huge, glowy ball was all
glowy and bally and huge.
Hmm.
Looks like
a regular hallway to me.
Well,
you should have
looked earlier.
Sabrina, I thought
your trip to the headmistress
would encourage you
to focus,
but unless you want your
next trip to be to detention,
I suggest you spend time
on your studies,
not huge, glowy,
bally things!
I've got my eyes on you.
Something, somebody,
some ball was after me!
Let's fire up
the cauldron
and find out
who's behind all this.
There are cake crumbs
in the cauldron.
Sorry.
I was baking.
So how long will
it take to make your
revealacus brew?
Should be done
in two shakes
of a lamb's tail.
Which reminds me,
we're gonna need
a couple
of lambs' tails.
I'll check the freezer!
This should reveal
the face of your attacker.
Who is it?
Hmm, can't see the face.
[ gasps ]
[ all scream ]
Whoever is
behind this
is magically
protected.
Which means this situation
just got a lot
more dangerous.
Sabrina, you need
to start being
extra careful.
Whoever came after you before
could come after you again.
At any moment.
Which means you need to be
prepared just in case--
[ distorted ] I'm here
for Sabrina Spellman!
Just in case that.
[ meows ]
I'm here
for Sabrina Spellman!
[ gasps ]
Take that, big mouth!
SABRINA: It's Jim!
Oopsy-doodle.
A voice transformer
and a wizard's hat?
What was Jim doing sounding
and looking like--
like a warlock?
Let's see if we can
get into his head.
Harvey better
be right about Sabrina
being into warlocks,
or I'm gonna look
like a total idiot.
I'm here
for Sabrina Spellman!
I guess
it's worth a try.
He was doing this
for me because
Harvey told him to?
Ooh, we're going
to need something
to warm
this poor fellow up in.
Perfect.
Is he gonna be okay?
Give us an hour or two.
He'll be as good as new.
Good, because
I have to go to that
horrible dinner
with Shinji and
Enchantra right now.
Oh, I'm not sure
that's a good idea.
We still
don't know who's
out to get you.
I'll be careful,
but if I don't show up,
I'm gonna be stuck
cleaning up after a hydra...
and I don't have
the stomach for that.
Whoa. It's kind of
creepy around here
with everybody gone.
[ gasps ]
[ roaring ]
Okay, that's a whole lot
of winged ugly.
[ whistles ]
[ gasps ]
[ growling ]
[ roars ]
Uhh!
[ roars ]
Oh, I've had
enough of this!
Bye-bye, birdie.
Whoops.
Professor Geist,
look out!
[ grunts ]
Miss Spellman!
What in the world?
There was a gargoyle
headed straight for you.
Ohh.
Hee hee.
[ Spugent muttering ]
Shinji always
tried to be
so self-sufficient
as a child,
to no avail.
One time, he diapered
his own head.
[ laughs ]
I think I have
a picture of it.
Mother, please!
[ chuckles ]
Well, that is
just too cute.
Do you
have any fun stories
about potty training?
Can we please talk
about something else?
Have you told Sabrina
about your collection
of magical artifacts?
Just last week,
I gave him
the Cloaking Crystal
of Chromethius.
Oh, really?
Yes. The crystal
keeps its possessor
magically protected
from any spell,
conjure or attack.
Protected from any--
[ gasps ]
Well, that would explain
a lot, actually.
Oh, I know that look.
I'll let
you two sweethearts
be alone.
Come, Spugent!
[ muttering ]
So you're the one
who's been messing with me
this whole time!
Yes. I was trying
to get you in trouble
with Professor Geist,
hoping he would
follow through
on his threat
to send you
to tonight's detention.
If he had done so,
you would not have
been able
to show up
for tonight's dinner
like you wanted.
Okay, wait, wait, wait.
You think I wanted
to have dinner with you?
I had a date tonight
with a cool guy!
Some dreary nitch,
no doubt!
Oh, he's got
a lot more going on
than Enchantra's
precious little diaper head!
Well, Mother thinks
you're enamored with me,
but I'd never date
some ill-bred
half-human!
[ sighs ]
[ gasps ]
Typical human beast!
Have the gravy!
[ gasps ]
That does not
look good on me!
[ groans ]
Hmm.
Hmm?
[ marching ]
Bull's-eye!
Huh?
Huh?
Hey, that worked out better
than I thought it would.
[ gasps ] Care for
a second helping?
[ grunts ]
[ chuckles ]
[ gasps ]
Um, hmm.
[ groans ]
Huh?
[ laughs ]
Well, now, how are
you two getting...
along?
Shinji!
[ bubbling ]
[ sighs ]
Where am I?
So what do you think
of hot tub night
at Spellman's Brew?
Relaxing, huh?
Hot tub what?
Huh?
Yeah, you fell asleep.
Here.
Have a towel.
Sabrina,
you're home early.
Yeah, dinner kind of
went airborne.
All's good here.
I threw some
forgetting formula
into the cauldron
so Jim won't
ask any more questions
about why he was here.
Oh, hey, Jim.
Sabrina.
I thought you were
gonna be at that
track team party tonight.
Nah, I didn't want to go
if you weren't
gonna be there.
Really?
You know what?
Since you missed
that other one...
Why don't the two of you
have a party
of your own
right here
with some
cozy atmosphere?
Enjoy the peace
and quiet.
Well,
I guess this all
kind of turned out
okay, then.
I'd say okay is exactly
how it turned out.
[ distorted ]
Get away from me,
you monster!
[ meows ]
Wow, this thing
really works. Heh.
[ distorted ]
I didn't mean to interrupt!
[ normal ]
I mean--I mean just--Sorry.
[ laughing ]
HILDA: Oh, Zel,
what a card!
[ laughter ]
[ bird warbles ]
[ clears throat ]
I'd like to welcome you all
to my special
Saturday lecture
entitled "Witches and Warts:
A Prehistory."
I'm sure
you'll find the topic
as fascinating as I do.
[ sighs ] How long
is this lecture
going to be, anyway?
Well, it's 37 parts,
so it comes in at just
a little over 9 1/2 hours.
And I have to listen
to all of it?
Aye, your mother told me
this is some sort
of punishment
for misbehavior,
but I happen to see knowledge
as its own reward.
Then you need to get
your eyes checked.
All right, then.
Section one.
[ clears throat ]
If a rose by any other name
is still a rose,
then a wart
by any other name is,
by the nature
of nature, a wart.
But what is a wart?
Eh, we must start
by looking at
its over 180...
♪ I've got
the power to do it ♪
♪ I'll show you how ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I've got
the witch's secret ♪
♪ Changing the world
to keep it ♪
♪ Where am I now? ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I've got
the power to do it ♪
♪ I've got the wand,
I'll use it ♪
♪ I'll show you how ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ And I've cast my spell ♪
♪ On you again ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
Hey, Sabrina!
[ groans, growls ]
Ho ho.
Tough morning?
Tough whole entire day!
I already spent eight hours
at Witch School,
7 1/2 of them
fighting with Shinji,
and now I have
a math test,
but I can't find
my math book! [ sighs ]
I just need enough time
in my life to straighten out
my locker.
Hmm.
[ laughs ]
Ah! There!
Um, 'Bri, that's
your history book.
Oh. I guess my mind is
a little bit on other Jims--
Other things!
[ sighs ] There's a party
Friday night,
and I was thinking of seeing
if he wanted to go with me,
but I haven't come up with
the right time to ask him.
[ sighs ] I just hope
he doesn't see me like this,
because if he sees me
like this, I'd have to say--
[ gasps ] Jim!
Hi, Sabrina.
At least, I'm pretty sure
that's you back there.
Well, if it's not,
then somebody
stole my math book.
[ laughs ]
Listen, I've got
to get to class,
but maybe
see you later?
Yes, you will.
Great. Ow!
[ gasps ]
[ gasps ]
[ chuckles ]
Have to actually
open these things.
[ both laugh ]
♪ Here's the situation ♪
♪ I'm a combination ♪
♪ Magic can't define ♪
♪ Define ♪
♪ No need for explanations ♪
♪ Endless demonstrations ♪
♪ It's magic,
and it's mine ♪
♪ It's mine ♪
♪ I can never shout ♪
♪ What it's all about ♪
♪ But you ♪
♪ But you ♪
♪ Oh, you know? ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I've got
the witch's secret ♪
♪ Changing the world
to keep it ♪
♪ Where am I now? ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I've got
the power to do it ♪
♪ I've got the wand,
I'll use it ♪
♪ I'll show you how ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ And I've cast my spell ♪
♪ On you again ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
Oh, we open
in five minutes,
and we don't have
a single muffin.
You forgot
the blueberries!
Those are cranberries!
The blueberries would be,
well, the berries
that are blue!
Blueberries?
No problem.
Perfect!
Ah, human teenagers
manage to open doors
without smashing
their faces
and go on dates
with guys named Jim.
Why can't I?
Sabrina, honey, do you
have something else
on your mind?
What?
Sorry.
That's okay.
I've been wanting
to exfoliate anyway.
Sabrina,
you have a visitor.
Huh?
[ bouncing ]
Ehh.
Oh. Uh, sorry!
Can't get it open.
You know
me and doors.
What?
What?
Well, I wondered if
you wanted to go to
the track team party.
You grunted to throw
to the frat cream hardy?
The track team party!
Friday night?
You're asking me out?
I'm pretty sure
I am, yeah.
Then, yeah,
absolutely
I want to go! yeah!
Great!
What?
I said--
Never mind.
Yes!
How awesome is this?
I'm guessing
extremely.
Your feet don't even
touch the ground.
I know. I'm, like,
totally pumped.
No, dear. Your feet
don't even touch
the ground.
[ gasps ]
Ow.
[ all cough ]
Hmm. Guess I used
too much magic?
Or not enough?
Oh, dear. I casted
that training artifact
with my own two hands
and also a foot,
but you ruined it
with one misspoken spell.
Sabrina, that was your
third mistake this week.
That's not like you
at all.
I'm sorry. I guess I've
been a little bit, um...
Distracted?
What? No.
Actually, I'm really
concentrating.
Okay, trying to think
of the right word.
Hold on. Distracted!
If you were
any other student,
I'd almost
certainly assign you
to Friday evening's
detention
for your
continuing misbehavior.
Detention? No, no, no.
I don't want
to go there.
But in this case,
perhaps a trip
to Enchantra's office
will suffice.
Suddenly detention's
not looking so bad.
Well, maybe
a few moments with her
will motivate you to get
back to your high level
of witchery.
Yes, Professor.
Three mistakes
in one week?
Yeah, but who's counting?
Oh, you and Professor Geist.
Right.
Do you have
an explanation
for your conduct?
Well, I guess I've kind of
had my mind on other things.
You see, there's this boy,
and he's really cute.
A boy?
[ gasps ]
Not a human boy, I hope.
Consorting with humans
was your father's
big mistake.
What?
Perhaps I should go
to the Human World
and remove this boy
from the equation, hmm?
No! Don't remove him!
I mean, there is no him.
I--I mean, there is,
but, um,
not in the Human World.
I mean, come on.
Me and a human boy?
I mean, that's something
that there is no way
it could ever be true.
So this boy
is a warlock?
Uh, yeah. Sure, yeah.
Yeah, he's a warlock,
which makes him not a human,
so--so no removal necessary.
Who is
this warlock boy
with whom
you're so enamored?
Who? Oh, um,
he's just a guy,
you know, warlock guy,
you know,
cute, funny,
good with spells
type of guy.
He sounds
quite appealing.
Appealing, yeah.
That's what I was
gonna say next.
And you say he's
often on your mind?
Yep, yeah. I can't
stop thinking about him.
Well, Shinji is
going to be thrilled
when he finds out
that you are
enamored with him.
Yes, he is! Wait. What?
And now that I know
your true feelings
for my son,
I insist that you have
dinner with him and me
this Friday evening.
Friday night?
You have
another engagement?
Cancel it!
Unless you'd rather have
two weeks of detention
cleaning out the pen
of the Minaean Hydra.
Yikes! I've seen
that thing eat.
I can only imagine
what comes out
the other end.
Ah! Then I'll tell Shinji
you'll join us on Friday.
Yeah, sure. It's a date.
I mean not a date.
I mean, yay!
[ sighs ]
SABRINA:
I can't believe this!
I really want to go
to the party with Jim,
but now I'm stuck
hanging out with Shinji
and Mommy Fearest!
[ groans ] Ugh!
Why did the party
and the dinner
have to be at the exact
same moment?
Ah, sorry, kiddo.
Zelda, I'm tired of ironing.
Let's switch.
I mean, I don't even know
what I'm gonna say
to Jim
the next time he...
JIM: Hey, Sabrina!
shows up.
Check it out.
Official Greendale
Track Team merch.
This party's
gonna rock.
Uh, yeah, about that,
I can't exactly go.
What?
I--I mean,
I thought I could go,
and I really want to go,
but I just--I just can't.
Why not?
Uh, I have to--
to wash the cat.
He smells bad,
like, really bad.
[ sniffs ]
Eww. Feline funk.
Feline funk?
Yeah. It's a very
serious condition.
I think they
do a telethon every year
to raise money for a cure.
[ cellphone ringtone ]
Uh, that's Amy.
What does she want?
Are you gonna go
to the party with her?
I don't know, but...
have fun
washing your cat.
[ groans ]
My human life's a mess,
my witch life's,
a disaster!
and--[ sniffs ]
my cat
really does stink.
Hi, Amy.
To the party? With you?
Nah, I'm not going.
I, uh,
have to wash my cat.
Dinner with Sabrina?
Are you bewitched?
I'd rather eat
with the acid-spitting troll
of Tyrannia!
Would you
think differently
if you knew she had
a crush on my little boy?
No.
Well--
No, no!
My thoughts
are the same!
Well, then, it's settled.
Dinner for two,
plus me, Friday night.
Make sure you get
all of your
invisibility homework
done before then.
Do you have
your cloaking crystal?
Yes, Mother.
You're such a good boy.
Ugh. He's such
a stubborn boy!
He knows full well
that Sabrina is going
to be queen someday,
and if he is her king,
I can combine their power
and rule this world forever!
Ho! Aren't dark prophesies
a wonderful thing?
[ sighs ]
Okay, Harvey.
I can't believe I'm
actually saying this,
but I need your advice
about girls.
Well, then you've come
to the right place.
Heh. Actually,
you've come to me,
but let's see
what I can do.
Sabrina bailed on our date.
She said her cat
has feline funk.
Yeesh!
My cat had that once.
That thing smelled
nas-to-the-ty.
Well, you went out
with Sabrina that one time,
so what is she into?
Huh.
Well, I've heard her
talk about warlocks,
witches and werewolves
a couple of times,
so I'm pretty sure
she's into that stuff.
Or at least,
I'm into that stuff,
and--and she was into me,
so you do the math.
Actually,
there's
no math involved,
just reading.
Oh, I'd give anything
to bail on this dinner
and go out with Jim.
Huh?
[ gasps ]
What the hex?
Somebody's using
some seriously
strong magic.
[ fire crackles ]
Who's there?
What?!
[ crackling ]
Okay, things need
to cool down in here a lot.
[ grunts ]
Did you see that?
All I see
is my previously
most promising student
not paying attention
to where she's going.
No, the hallway.
It turned into, like,
this freaky cave.
Then this
huge, glowy ball was all
glowy and bally and huge.
Hmm.
Looks like
a regular hallway to me.
Well,
you should have
looked earlier.
Sabrina, I thought
your trip to the headmistress
would encourage you
to focus,
but unless you want your
next trip to be to detention,
I suggest you spend time
on your studies,
not huge, glowy,
bally things!
I've got my eyes on you.
Something, somebody,
some ball was after me!
Let's fire up
the cauldron
and find out
who's behind all this.
There are cake crumbs
in the cauldron.
Sorry.
I was baking.
So how long will
it take to make your
revealacus brew?
Should be done
in two shakes
of a lamb's tail.
Which reminds me,
we're gonna need
a couple
of lambs' tails.
I'll check the freezer!
This should reveal
the face of your attacker.
Who is it?
Hmm, can't see the face.
[ gasps ]
[ all scream ]
Whoever is
behind this
is magically
protected.
Which means this situation
just got a lot
more dangerous.
Sabrina, you need
to start being
extra careful.
Whoever came after you before
could come after you again.
At any moment.
Which means you need to be
prepared just in case--
[ distorted ] I'm here
for Sabrina Spellman!
Just in case that.
[ meows ]
I'm here
for Sabrina Spellman!
[ gasps ]
Take that, big mouth!
SABRINA: It's Jim!
Oopsy-doodle.
A voice transformer
and a wizard's hat?
What was Jim doing sounding
and looking like--
like a warlock?
Let's see if we can
get into his head.
Harvey better
be right about Sabrina
being into warlocks,
or I'm gonna look
like a total idiot.
I'm here
for Sabrina Spellman!
I guess
it's worth a try.
He was doing this
for me because
Harvey told him to?
Ooh, we're going
to need something
to warm
this poor fellow up in.
Perfect.
Is he gonna be okay?
Give us an hour or two.
He'll be as good as new.
Good, because
I have to go to that
horrible dinner
with Shinji and
Enchantra right now.
Oh, I'm not sure
that's a good idea.
We still
don't know who's
out to get you.
I'll be careful,
but if I don't show up,
I'm gonna be stuck
cleaning up after a hydra...
and I don't have
the stomach for that.
Whoa. It's kind of
creepy around here
with everybody gone.
[ gasps ]
[ roaring ]
Okay, that's a whole lot
of winged ugly.
[ whistles ]
[ gasps ]
[ growling ]
[ roars ]
Uhh!
[ roars ]
Oh, I've had
enough of this!
Bye-bye, birdie.
Whoops.
Professor Geist,
look out!
[ grunts ]
Miss Spellman!
What in the world?
There was a gargoyle
headed straight for you.
Ohh.
Hee hee.
[ Spugent muttering ]
Shinji always
tried to be
so self-sufficient
as a child,
to no avail.
One time, he diapered
his own head.
[ laughs ]
I think I have
a picture of it.
Mother, please!
[ chuckles ]
Well, that is
just too cute.
Do you
have any fun stories
about potty training?
Can we please talk
about something else?
Have you told Sabrina
about your collection
of magical artifacts?
Just last week,
I gave him
the Cloaking Crystal
of Chromethius.
Oh, really?
Yes. The crystal
keeps its possessor
magically protected
from any spell,
conjure or attack.
Protected from any--
[ gasps ]
Well, that would explain
a lot, actually.
Oh, I know that look.
I'll let
you two sweethearts
be alone.
Come, Spugent!
[ muttering ]
So you're the one
who's been messing with me
this whole time!
Yes. I was trying
to get you in trouble
with Professor Geist,
hoping he would
follow through
on his threat
to send you
to tonight's detention.
If he had done so,
you would not have
been able
to show up
for tonight's dinner
like you wanted.
Okay, wait, wait, wait.
You think I wanted
to have dinner with you?
I had a date tonight
with a cool guy!
Some dreary nitch,
no doubt!
Oh, he's got
a lot more going on
than Enchantra's
precious little diaper head!
Well, Mother thinks
you're enamored with me,
but I'd never date
some ill-bred
half-human!
[ sighs ]
[ gasps ]
Typical human beast!
Have the gravy!
[ gasps ]
That does not
look good on me!
[ groans ]
Hmm.
Hmm?
[ marching ]
Bull's-eye!
Huh?
Huh?
Hey, that worked out better
than I thought it would.
[ gasps ] Care for
a second helping?
[ grunts ]
[ chuckles ]
[ gasps ]
Um, hmm.
[ groans ]
Huh?
[ laughs ]
Well, now, how are
you two getting...
along?
Shinji!
[ bubbling ]
[ sighs ]
Where am I?
So what do you think
of hot tub night
at Spellman's Brew?
Relaxing, huh?
Hot tub what?
Huh?
Yeah, you fell asleep.
Here.
Have a towel.
Sabrina,
you're home early.
Yeah, dinner kind of
went airborne.
All's good here.
I threw some
forgetting formula
into the cauldron
so Jim won't
ask any more questions
about why he was here.
Oh, hey, Jim.
Sabrina.
I thought you were
gonna be at that
track team party tonight.
Nah, I didn't want to go
if you weren't
gonna be there.
Really?
You know what?
Since you missed
that other one...
Why don't the two of you
have a party
of your own
right here
with some
cozy atmosphere?
Enjoy the peace
and quiet.
Well,
I guess this all
kind of turned out
okay, then.
I'd say okay is exactly
how it turned out.
[ distorted ]
Get away from me,
you monster!
[ meows ]
Wow, this thing
really works. Heh.
[ distorted ]
I didn't mean to interrupt!
[ normal ]
I mean--I mean just--Sorry.
[ laughing ]
HILDA: Oh, Zel,
what a card!
[ laughter ]
[ bird warbles ]
[ clears throat ]
I'd like to welcome you all
to my special
Saturday lecture
entitled "Witches and Warts:
A Prehistory."
I'm sure
you'll find the topic
as fascinating as I do.
[ sighs ] How long
is this lecture
going to be, anyway?
Well, it's 37 parts,
so it comes in at just
a little over 9 1/2 hours.
And I have to listen
to all of it?
Aye, your mother told me
this is some sort
of punishment
for misbehavior,
but I happen to see knowledge
as its own reward.
Then you need to get
your eyes checked.
All right, then.
Section one.
[ clears throat ]
If a rose by any other name
is still a rose,
then a wart
by any other name is,
by the nature
of nature, a wart.
But what is a wart?
Eh, we must start
by looking at
its over 180...
♪ I've got
the power to do it ♪
♪ I'll show you how ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I've got
the witch's secret ♪
♪ Changing the world
to keep it ♪
♪ Where am I now? ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I've got
the power to do it ♪
♪ I've got the wand,
I'll use it ♪
♪ I'll show you how ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ And I've cast my spell ♪
♪ On you again ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪