SMILF (2017–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Sorry Mary, I'm Losing Faith - full transcript

Bridgette spirals towards a religious rediscovery.

Oh, my back is killing me.

I shouldn't have called you.

I could really use a massage.

We need to stop doing this.

- Oh, come on.
- Okay?

Just a little rub, and don't
ruin your friendship with me.

It could really help your career.

I mean, I mean, you know...

My dad died.

I need to move on from
this perverted shit.

Oh, that's terrible. I am sorry.

I don't know why I even care.

Got nice robes here.

He was gross.

A true pervert.

Too bad we never met.

- Exactly.
- Yeah.

You kind of remind me of him.

I gotta move on.

I gotta find a nice boy and settle down.

That's what I should do. Okay?

I'm never gonna let you go, Bridgette.

Mm, basketball.

Oh, God, I started playing basketball

because he loved the Celtics.

So sexy.

He would've thought so too.

I mean, I mean, I could

negotiate a better hotel room.

It's for the best.

You wanna be famous, hmm?

Couple of phone calls,
that's all it takes.

You have been saying that for
years, and look where I am.

I'm much, much worse off.

Come on, one last time.

Okay, fine.

I'll keep my robe on.


Ow. Ow.

Ow, ow. Ow, wait.

Stop. Ow. It's burning.

Ow! Ow.

Oh, ow.

Ow, fuck.

Ow. Ow.


Hi, yeah. Uh, do you deliver milk?

Yes, we do. How much do you need?

Mm. I don't know, like...

enough to fill a bathtub?


Fifty gallons?


All right, just breathe.

Three, two, one.

Ow. Can I hold your hand?

Go for it.

I mean your stub.

♪ Distract yourself ♪

♪ Listen to me sing ♪

♪ I'll make you forget everything ♪

♪ Bridgette Bird, removing her tattoo ♪

♪ Starting a new chapter ♪

♪ Dum, dee-dee, doo ♪

- Mm, okay, just stop, stop.
- You got it. You got it. You got it.

Maybe you don't really
want to get it covered up.

It's pretty cute.

I do. I just don't want
it to hurt so bad.

Well, change hurts.

Look, I got another client coming in,

so why don't you think about it

and we can get into it tonight

when I take you out?


Take you out.

Um, that's nice of you, but I don't...

I, uh, don't have a babysitter.

Why can't Rafi watch Larry?

He doesn't have shit to do.

So you wanna go out with me?


- Sure.
- Yeah.

Okay. But I don't kiss.

Um, I haven't been on any
dates since my son was born,

so I'm very out of practice.

I might act very weird,

and I'm not gonna do any of
that porn grooming stuff

that you might be used to.

Well, I don't hold hands,


It's a date.

I'll get you my card.

- Okay.
- Yes, do that.

Hot stuff.

- You know what?
- He's hot.

- This may be my fresh start.
- W-why are you doing that?

I can move on from my dad

and stop masturbating to Harvey. Oof.

I'm just happy that you're
going on a date finally.

- You need it.
- Can you watch Larry tonight?

Uh, no.

Aren't you a little old
for a tramp stamp?

First of all, it's not a tramp stamp.

It is a thigh tat.

Ain't that right?

- Mm-hmm.
- Thigh tat.

Shit, I need to find a sitter.

Is that poop?

It is. I should've got that tatted.

Larry, look at the poop.

Oh, God.

How am I gonna...

You stupid-ass Range Rover.

How do you like that one, mister?

Fuckin' parking.

Hey, Tutu.

Some douchebag parked his Land Rover

right in my driveway.

I had to park on the
sidewalk like an asshole.

Oh, my, God. I'm drenched in sweat!

I could be dying of heatstroke here!

I'm tellin' ya, they're
ruining everything.

Used to be a good place here, you know?

Southie was all about families.

Now it's just for yuppies.

Well, yuppies drive up
real estate values, Tutu.

Well, why do I care about that?

I'm just saying, it's a good
thing. You know what I mean?

We got almost everything
packed here anyway.

You're not gonna give away his coat.

That was his favorite jacket.

- You gonna wear this?
- No, but you could.

It is not my style.

It's my style. I'll wear that.

- I'll take that.
- Yeah, you go ahead, Jackie.

- Really?
- It's cute.

I loved Joe. I'll think of
him every time I wear it.

All right, it's yours.

Go on in the kitchen. Your
platter's in the fridge.

I'm sorry I have to take it back.

We got the chief of surgery and
his wife coming for dinner,

and if the dishes don't match, trust me,

he'll be the one that'll notice.

You know, Junior, my sister,

no matter what it is, if
it's free, she wants it.


You're gonna have to throw
out those sandwiches.

I think they're old.

Look, I found his, uh...

his little goody bag.

Your father was in a lot of pain.

This is all medicinal.

Yeah, you know, he thought
the gin and the vodka

was medicinal too.

Then we should all thank AA, huh?

- It's not easy being a parent.
- Yeah, I know.

I got a couple kids Joe never saw.

Could've come by.

If you would've come
by, you would've known

- just how sick he actually was.
- Okay.

Everybody grieves differently.

All right, yeah, I'm
gonna grieve at work.

I'll see you, Jackie, okay?

- See ya.
- Yeah, I got an overnight.

See ya. Uh, bye, Tutu. All right.

- All right, you be careful, Joe.
- Oh, yeah.

Take care, Junior.

- What was that?
- I don't know.

He was angry.

You know, we didn't like to
talk about this, Joe and I,

but Joe Jr., low IQ.

- Is that what it is?
- Yes.

People with low IQs don't
have a sense of humor.

They think... they're not sure...

but the mother drank a
little bit, you know,

- while she was pregnant.
- I'd be angry.

Jack, what are you eating?

- Carrot?
- All the food in there,

and you choose a carrot?

I couldn't eat cake. There's
so much tension in here.

Well, we have something for tension.

- Hello.
- There it is.

- What's up?
- Chillin'.

- Where's Rafi?
- Over there.

Yo, Raf!

- Raf!
- What?

The Bird landed.

You look good.

- I'm trying.
- You are.

- It's paying off.
- All right.

- Hi.
- Hey.

You guys are here early.

- Hey, buddy.
- Yeah, I gotta go to Ally's early.

- Rivers is sick.
- Hey, buddy.

Yeah, that's cool.

I'll leave him with Carlos. I'm
in the middle of a session.

So I need you to watch Larry tonight

'cause I have a date.

- Tonight?
- Yeah.

- I can't tonight.
- Why not?

I planned this scavenger
hunt for Nelson.

Like, I hid clues all
around the neighborhood,

and it's gonna end with
a romantic dinner.

It's gonna be so awesome, right, buddy?

Candles and everything.

You planned a scavenger hunt?

- Yeah.
- Come on, just do that tomorrow.

- I can't do it tomorrow.
- Rafi,

you're the only person I have to ask,

and I have a date tonight,

and it's, like, one time I'm asking you.

I know, Bridgette, but you
can't just do this on a whim

all the time, whenever you feel
like it. I have a schedule.

What if this guy's my person?

- What?
- Let's go. Come on.

What are you doing?

- Bye.
- You can't just take Larry.

- That's not fair.
- Oh, you know what's not fair?

You owing me four years
of child support,

and I'm keeping track
of every single penny.

It's, like, $10 million.

Ten million? Is that it?

- Ten million!
- Have fun on your date.

Feel sorry for the guy.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Well, I feel like I just
met Larry's new daddy.

- Oh, you did?
- Yeah.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Well, how about I find Larry a new mama?


- Go.
- I'm trying.

You act like you never
smoked pot before. Come on.

I smoked pot before, just
not, like, from this thing.

Here you go.

No, thank you.

Who is it?

My beautiful daughter.

I'm not interested.

Since when do you smoke pot?

Well, you know what? I
was, uh, diagnosed...

well, I was self-diagnosed...
a few years ago.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. I read a lot of books.

I watched a lot of docs.

And I have, I'm pretty sure,


I could have a little bit
oppositional defiant disorder.

You know, sometimes I get mad.

- Mm-hmm.
- I have PTSD.

You know why. And, uh,

I also have restless leg syndrome.

I do, and cannabis is
very helpful for that.

- You know what's not helpful?
- What?

That Joe Jr. being an asshole.

- Thank God you said that, Jack.
- Yeah.

Yeah. I was feeling that whole time...

- I don't like that.
- Till you showed up.

He was being such a bastard.

Yeah, how you two handling the house?


Handling the house together,

you two, now that it's left...

I'm not handling the house.
I'm living in the house.

That's how we're handling it.

I think you could make a
lot of money on the house.

- You too?
- I don't know why you want

to stay here. You could
get out of this shithole.

- You could retire someplace nice.
- Retire?

- Yeah, retire.
- Oh, come on.

- Come on, Jackie.
- You come on.

There's no place in the world

more beautiful to me than Southie.

Oh, not anymore.

I can think of a few other places.

- Like where?
- Anywhere. Anywhere.

You can't think of one good thing, Jack,

from living here? Come on.

Just one thing, from this
neighborhood we grew up in.

The scanner.

Dad's scanner.

Grandpa, this is Squad 51.


Adam 12, seen a man on a...

You know what? Joe had a scanner.

I think I saw it when they
were putting in the b...

I think Joe Jr. put it
in one of those boxes.

- Joe put Joe's scanner in this box.
- Don't kid me like that.



Hey, Chloe, girl.

Hey, Chloe, are you old
enough to babysit?

Hi, Larry. I can't. I
have a date tonight.


I do too.

Or maybe I don't, 'cause I
can't find a babysitter.

Wanna see a picture?

Yeah, sure.

- See?
- Mm. He's cute.

Cuter than I normally like them.

Rafi's pretty attractive.

- Ew.
- Sorry.

And look, he does all
that volunteer work.

I don't do any of that stuff.

I-I mean, you-you tutor us.

Yeah, 'cause I get paid to be here.

I mean, I guess that's true.

Do you think the one-arm thing's weird?

Oh, I didn't... I didn't even notice.

Yeah, you can b... it's
barely noticeable.

- Yeah.
- Oh, I'm just freaking out.

I really need to find a
nice guy and settle down,

but I hate dating.

Well, how do you ever get a
boyfriend if you don't date?

Because, Rivers,

boys just hang around long enough

and suddenly they become my boyfriend.

Just take the pressure off yourself.

- You're gonna be great.
- Okay. Thank you.

Can you ask my mom if I can
have her new iTunes password?

Fine, but you have to do some homework.

Okay. I'll do this one.

- Can you watch him?
- Yeah.

I'll be right back.


Hey, Ally.

Rivers is still a little sick,

so he wanted me to ask you
for your iTunes password.

Hi. Knock, knock.

Is that okay?

Is this a bad time? I can come back.

Oh, Bridge.

Oh, Ally.

I think I have Lyme disease.


Today's my birthday.

Happy birthday. What
are you doing tonight?

Are you... are you celebrating?

Why? You wanna have dinner?

- Oh... me?
- Oh, my God. That would be amazing.

Let's totally have dinner.

- Oh, that would be so fun.
- I can't. I can't tonight.

I'm actually supposed to have a date,

but no one can watch Larry.

Oh. Elsie can stay with him.

Yeah, Elsie will do it.

Just come to dinner with me,
and then go on your date.

- Oh...
- Elsie!

- Really?
- Yeah.

- She won't care?
- Oh, no, she won't care.

She doesn't have anything else to do.

- She can do it.
- Okay.

And then I'll go see Hank.

- So much fun!
- Great.

Where do you wanna go?

- Let's do Chinese.
- I love Chinese.

- Kung pao chicken.
- Chicken.

Bridge, you would've told me

if you knew about Mr. Daddy, right?

Yeah. I didn't know.

- I would've told you.
- I know.

I'm Team Ally.

Can you please take my, um...

my riding stuff to the cleaners for me?


Not the boots. The boots get lost.

Just the clothes part.

Oh, yeah. You know...

I'm actually just gonna
give these to Elsie,

but, um, can Rivers have your password?

Don't give anything to Rivers.

- Seriously.
- Okay.

- Nothing at all.
- Nothing.

- Happy birthday!
- Thanks.


I mean, was this always so boring?

We got a 99 in Mattapan.

What's that one, Jack?

- A hostage.
- Hmm.

Or a holdup.

Suspect is armed and dangerous.

Oh, turn it off.

We know how this ends.

What about mus... you wanna
listen to the music?

Yeah, you can put on the radio.


♪ How's it gonna be... ♪

- I know this one.
- No, you don't.

Oh, I love this song.

What? This station sucks.

- Jackie, this is a good song.
- Come on. You don't even know

the name of the band or the song.

I'm Shazaming it.

- Something...
- Here it goes. It's listening.

- Ah! Third Eye Blind.
- Third Eye Blind.

- "How's It Going To Be."
- What's a third eye?

I don't know.

It's really... I thought maybe downtown.

- Snake eye?
- I'm not sure.

♪ I wanna taste the salt... ♪

♪ Salt of your skin ♪

Go, go, Coll. Go, Coll.

♪ Till the end ♪

♪ How's it gonna be ♪

♪ When you don't know me ♪


♪ Anymore ♪

♪ How's it gonna be ♪

♪ How's it gonna be ♪

What's the matter, Coll?

He drowned in soup, Jack.

I'm never gonna forgive myself.

Why don't you come to-to the Vineyard

with me this summer?

- I have to take care of Larry.
- Bring him.

Come on, it'd be nice
for you to get out.

You know how nice the
island is in the summer.

Come on. It's a great place for kids.


I'm kind of cold.

- Is that good?
- Yeah.

Try to get me. I'm in your cave.

You think he's cute?

He's really beautiful.

Beautiful? Jesus Christ.

All right. That's enough.

Okay, it's time to go to bed.

- Why?
- 'Cause it's your bedtime.

Did you brush your teeth?

Uh, no. Come on.

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Whoo, hoo, hoo, hoo ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

Oh, shit, shit.


- Hi.
- Hi.

- Come on in.
- Hello.

Hi. Wow.

You look so much better
when you're not working.


- Wow.
- So this is my sister.

- Oh, hi.
- Hi.

- I'm Bridgette.
- So how long you going to be?

Oh, not long.

Just, like, a normal
date length of a night.

Okay, so two hours?

Yeah, three hours tops.

So you're welcome to anything.

You can have any food.
You can have any drink.

If you need Wi-Fi, you can
sit on the windowsill,

and it's Lupus69. Here,
let me write it down.

Lupus69 might be the password.

And if Larry wakes up...

he shouldn't; he's a really
deep sleeper... but you just...

- Do you have kids?
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, so you know what to do.
- Yeah, we'll be fine.

- Are you married?
- I am.

To the father of your kids?


Yeah, I'm gonna settle down too.

It'll be really great for Larry and me.

How did you know he was the one?

We went on a lot of dates.



Am I wearing too much makeup?

Be honest.

- You look good.
- Okay.

Okay. I'm gonna finish getting ready.

- Okay.
- Make yourselves at home.

Do you have a mistress?


Do you have a mistress?


I already know. I just
wanna hear you say it.

Are you cheating on me?


But, Bridgette, he is cheating.

Why do you keep saying no?

Because he's gonna make
you work for it, okay?

I'm trying to make this believable.

Oh, God, should we get the check?

Oh, that's so sweet of you

to treat...

... but I actually think they're
still bringing dessert.

- _
- Dessert?

You seem really on edge. Are you okay?

I do?

Uh, yeah, I guess I am.

I'm just really nervous about
my date. I don't know why.

Oh, you know what? I
just got a great idea.

You wanna do Xanax?

- I'd love to do Xanax.
- Oh, great.

You know, if you chew it...

Chew it? That sounds terrible.

Yeah, it gets into your
blood system faster.

I'm gonna put it... I'm gonna
put it in my green tea.

- Ooh, I love Xanax.
- Me too.

This is gonna help. I'm really
a lot more relaxed now.

Okay, let's try again.

Fine, but really ask me.

My darling...

are you cheating on me?


I mean, I knew.

I've known. I've known for so long.

I can't believe it. I knew.

- You asshole.
- Ow!

How could you?

I'm sorry.

I didn't realize it was
gonna feel so bad.

It's all right. It's okay. It's okay.

Hey, you're still alive.

I don't wanna be alive.


This is going to be very
hard for me to say,

but I'm just going to
come out and say it.

Okay, you wanna rehearse again?

Okay, hang on. Let me
get into character.

You're fired.

- Wait, what?
- I'm sorry, Bridge.

You didn't come to work yesterday.

Because I had a rash.

I had to soak in milk all day.

But my kids need you, Bridge.

They need a tutor, and...

now with all this mess with Mr. Daddy,

I can't have another woman in the house.

What about Elsie and Ida?

They don't count, Bridge.

And anyway, this has
been a long time coming.

You're gonna go get something
else, something great.

You don't wanna be a tutor
for the rest of your life.

Just, um, I just, uh...

you know, I really need this.

I'm trying to get my life on track.

You will.

And we're still gonna have
our fun girls' dinners,

just like tonight.


And if you ever need anything,

anything at all, you just call me.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Oh, I hate this stuff.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Okay. Oh, gosh.

- Okay.
- Shoo, shoo, shoo.

Thank you.

- Oh, gosh.
- How we doing here?

Hi, um, can I have another
tequila and some dumplings

and throw in a Pad Thai

or whatever the Chinese
version of that is?

Right away.

♪ How's it gonna be ♪

How's it gonna be?


Oh, I'm okay. I'm okay.


Welcome to the neighborhood...






- It's a lot of Chinese food.
- Thank you.

- You're welcome.
- Thank you.

It's, like, lo mein

and spring rolls.

- It looks good.
- Mmm.

God bless.



I thought I was gonna be so good.

You know?

I was gonna move to New York...

or L.A., even.

Just get out of here.

I'm really worried about
the future for my kid.

My future, too, I guess.

Is this what praying feels like?

I kind of like it.

You know, you really got the
short end of the stick.

You know that, right?

You had to be a mom, and you
didn't even get to have sex.

I mean, what do I know?

It's not like I'm reading your diaries.

It's not like you wrote any diaries.

Someone else wrote your diary.

Someone else wrote your diary.

That is so fucked up.

Do you even wanna be up here?

I can get you out.

You wanna go home?

They really got you...

got you on pretty tight, huh?

Oh! Okay, let's go. Come on.

We're free!

Waze always fucks you.

Oh, shit.

A very, very bad idea.

Oh. Are you okay?


It's okay. I'll fix you right up.

Fix you.

Let me just text Rafi.

Okay, just...



- Pet the kitty.
- Seriously?

Pet it!

Pet the kitty.

- Pet the kitty.
- Yay, we're still alive.

Pet the kitty.

Thank you.

We should have a set schedule for Larry.

For real?

Like, Friday to Monday?

Yeah, that would be perfect.

It'll be hard for me to be without him.

It'll be good, B. I promise.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Put on some music.

♪ I was the daughter of my father ♪

♪ I was the color of a half-lit moon ♪

♪ Riding down Sunset ♪

♪ Making records at night ♪

♪ There's a calling in my gut ♪

♪ And I have to just follow it ♪

What is this?

It's, uh, a song that Nelson likes.

Uh, I think it's a song that you like.

♪ Where is the line ♪

♪ Between all this joy and all this ♪

♪ Sorrow ♪

♪ Who do you know ♪

♪ It helps you get from here to there ♪

♪ To tomorrow ♪

♪ What do I know, what do I know ♪

♪ I know that I want to see ♪

♪ Where this thing will go ♪