Rules of Engagement (2007–2013): Season 5, Episode 3 - Rug-of-War - full transcript
Upset that he'll have to purchase a new rug after Audrey gives their old one to Adam and Jenn, Jeff tries to sabotage the gift by telling Adam about all the 'fun' that he and Audrey had on it.
♪♪♪
Uh, yes, I had a few questions
about tonight's adoption fair.
Here's a question;
will there be food?
Heh, how late will it be going?
Uh, the adoption fair is from 6 to 10.
Thank you.
Dinner hours.
There's gotta be food, right?
[SIGHS]
Uh, my hus--
A guy here wants to know
if there's going to be any food.
Thank you. No food.
Oh, lot of nerve calling it a fair...
...when they're not offering
some sort of meat-on-a-stick.
Try not to...
...Jeff it up too much tonight, please.
If we get serious about adopting,
we'll need these people to like us.
If they can't like me for who I am,
then I'm not gonna buy
one of their used babies.
Just don't completely embarrass us.
I'll find an appropriate level.
Good. Now, let's finish
talking about replacing this rug.
I thought we finished last night
when I said no and then fell asleep.
Yeah, I know it's shocking, but your
fake cartoon snoring didn't fool me.
It wasn't fake,
it was classic Three Stooges.
I don't want a new rug. I put a lot of
time and effort into breaking in this one.
You tried that argument
with all your old underwear.
Come on, admit it,
don't you like your new underwear?
Nestles in there sometimes, but....
This rug is fine. It works. Watch.
See? My feet aren't touching
the wood floor. Hey, way to go, rug.
You get to live in a
beautiful apartment...
...because I take it
upon myself to make it beautiful.
Like what I did with the guest room.
The kitchen.
And I think a new rug will make
this whole room feel a lot fresher and--
[JEFF SNORING]
♪♪♪
♪ How many ways
To say I love you ♪
[SEÑOR HAPPY'S
"HOW MANY WAYS" PLAYING]
♪ How many ways
To say that I'm not scared ♪
♪ With you by my side
There is no denying ♪
♪ I can't wait for me and you ♪
♪♪♪
Right, so maybe at lunch today
we'll do a little carpet shopping.
Carpet shopping?
What, did you get a little carried away
with the waxing this morning?
I wish.
No.
God, sorry to disappoint you, Russell.
And me. You're disappointing....
-Disappointing me too.
RUSSEL: Ha, ha.
Uh....
All right, carpets this afternoon
and, uh, the adoption fair tonight.
What about
finding a new surrogate?
You mean to replace the
one that we had and loved...
...but then you ruined her for us
by having sex with her?
Jeez, take it easy,
talk about holding a grudge.
It was a week ago.
It was only five business days.
Because she and I did some,
uh, business.
Shoo.
You're alone on this one.
RUSSEL:
Ah.
-Mr. and Mrs. Bingham.
-Hey, Timmy.
Good morning, sir.
Hey, Timmy, uh, this coffee doesn't
taste as good as the coffee
you make at work. Fix it.
Well, in order to do that,
I'd have to bring it into the rest room. Ha.
That's very funny,
Chutney Dangerfield. Fix it.
Hey, Timmy, do you know anybody
who can get us a quality rug...
...at well below quality prices?
Oh, I see.
So because I'm of Indian descent
I must have a friend or a relative
who's a carpet merchant. Is that it?
Well, do you?
Yes.
♪♪♪
A little more, and there.
Oh, my God, I love this rug.
Thank you. Adam, what do you think?
When I lift the couch
my guns look huge.
Well, tell Audrey thanks again.
The rug looks perfect.
Yeah, it really ties
all your crap together.
[JEFF CLICKS TONGUE]
Um, I'm gonna miss it.
Well, you can come over
whenever you want to visit the rug.
You start buying my brand of Scotch
and maybe I will.
He said, hoping they'd buy him
a bottle of thank-you Scotch.
Anyway, I am gonna go pick out...
...some new pillows and throws
to go with the rug.
Is that near a liquor store?
Buy me Scotch.
Anyways, I hope that, uh, you and Jen
have as much fun with this rug
as Audrey and I did.
And we had some fun.
-Uh, what do you mean? What fun?
-Sex fun.
You used to have sex on this rug?
Yep.
Yeah, in fact, uh, just last night
we threw it a little "bone" voyage party.
I'll see you, buddy.
[GASPS]
♪♪♪
No, no.
Who's responsible for this?
I bet it's Voldemort.
Yes, it's Voldemort.
Excuse me, sir?
Timmy, you know
I don't like to be disturbed...
...while I'm reading pornography.
Yes, pornography.
So it won't bother you to know that
Professor Snape kills Dumbledore.
Why would that both--?
Not Dumbledore.
Why would you tell me that?
Oh, I don't know, sir.
Why would you pants me
during yesterday's staff meeting?
All I know is
everybody laughed but you.
Actually, you also know
that Harry marries Ginny Weasley.
No. Why are you
telling me these things?
Timmy, take off your belt
and call a staff meeting.
I really do wish I had the time
but I have to take the Binghams
carpet shopping.
Oh, bore. Okay, fine, fine.
Uh, now, I've written down some
emergency numbers for you.
There's my cell, uh, the police...
...your "masseuse."
Guy who waits in the lobby
making everyone uncomfortable...
...while your "masseuse"
completes your "massage."
All right, enough with the air quotes.
I don't need you around, I'm not a child.
Of course not, sir. I also placed your
afternoon juice box on your desk.
Stop making yourself feel
so important and beat it.
-Gladly.
-Yeah.
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]
[GRUNTS]
Timmy.
Tim?
[SIGHS]
♪♪♪
The brown one is nice, but, um,
can I see the yellow one down here?
Mm.
May I see the brown one again?
I'd hate to be
a Polly Push-along, sir...
...but how much longer do you think
Mrs. Bingham will take to decide?
We might die first.
But you've got that whole
reincarnation thing, so you're fine.
-Look, Mr. Bingham, I--
-How does that work, anyways?
Do you, uh, get to pick what animal
you come back as?
Sir, it's actually
a deeply personal matter.
See, me, I'd go bird.
Right?
Or a combo bird-horse.
So I'd get to fly.
And then when I land, I got a little
something for the reincarnated ladies.
Oh, did you ask your uncle about giving
me the "Friend of Timmy" discount?
Oh, Mr. Bingham,
do you consider us friends?
Discount friends.
♪♪♪
RUSSELL: I had a great time with you.
Are you kidding?
I would love to see you again.
And by the way, you don't need
to bring the massage table,
we're not fooling anybody.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, okay. Yes.
All right, I'll see you soon. Bye, hon.
[GROANS]
[GRUNTS]
♪♪♪
Hey, babe.
Get the hell off the rug.
What? Why?
It's so plush and soft.
Jen, Jen, Jen, don't.
Don't what?
Oh, oh.
-Three second rule.
-No!
What the hell's wrong with you?
Okay, listen.
Jeff told me that he and Audrey
used to do it on this rug.
I know, right?
I mean, no way
we're buying him any Scotch.
Ow, they're all over me.
I've gotta go take a shower.
No, don't leave me alone with it!
♪♪♪
[BLOWS AIR]
[GASPS]
[SCREAMS]
[GROANS]
Come on. Get.
[GRUNTING]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
The yellow one.
Or the brown one.
Hey, what do you say you crank up
this thing and fly us out of here?
Ah, I'm Aladdin.
I certainly had that coming...
...for bringing you here
and getting you a discount.
Jeff, can you get over here and help?
We've gotta get to the adoption fair.
-Then pick one.
-This should be both our decisions.
Which one do you like?
Well, this one feels....
Wow.
It's a good thing
I'm already bent over.
[JEFF SIGHS]
Don't pick by price.
Which one do you like better?
-I don't want to tell you.
-Well, I want your opinion.
Fine, here we go. Um....
-I like the brown one.
-Really? Because I like the yellow one.
-Then get the yellow one.
-Now I know you like the brown one.
And there you go. See? See?
Fly, Timmy, fly.
♪♪♪
[GRUNTING]
[WHISTLES]
[WHISTLES]
♪♪♪
All right, that's as clean
as it's gonna get.
Okay, well, let's take a look.
[BOTH GROANING]
God, that's disgusting.
It's like Jeff and Audrey's
marriage in liquid form.
[ADAM GROANS]
And you were rolling around in it.
[GROANS]
Yeah, thanks, I forgot about that.
You know, I still think
we might have to get rid of the rug.
[SIGHS]
Unless we have sex on it.
Hmm.
I don't know. I mean,
I've done some dirty things.
Yes, we did, heh.
I mean, there was
that truck stop bathroom.
Uh....
I don't remember that.
-The locker room floor.
-The locker room?
-Yeah, the back of that taco truck.
-Okay, please stop.
Look, if we want to try to keep this thing,
it's our only chance.
[ADAM SIGHS]
[BOTH GROANING]
This is gonna be worse than that time
we did it in the parking structure.
[GROANS]
Still not me.
[JEN GASPS]
Oh, wow, this is great.
They have information on adopting
from countries all over the world.
It's like the international
food court at the mall...
...but with babies
instead of gorditas.
[JEN CHUCKLES]
Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Bingham, hi.
I'm Tom Wrigley,
director of the program.
Feel free to ask me any questions.
-Oh, thank you so much.
-Oh, I got a question.
Should we tell him that there's
a dead raccoon on his head?
When he turned around
I expected to see a tail. Heh.
Okay, no more of that.
That guy is very important.
If we decide to adopt,
all starts with him.
Okay.
What did you just eat?
Uh, mini egg roll.
They had a bunch
at the, uh, bar mitzvah next door.
They're really doing it up for Seth.
-You said you wouldn't embarrass us.
-No, I said I'd try.
And I planned on eating before,
but you took so long at the rug store...
...we didn't have time.
I only took so long
because I got no help from you.
Why would I expect you to participate
in a decision that affects us both?
Hey, I participate when I care.
And like I told you before,
I don't care.
Then why say
you wanted a brown one?
Because you forced me to choose.
But to be honest,
it can be brown, yellow, whatever.
Get a black one for all I care.
I don't know how
you can be so blasé.
We're going to have to
live with it for years.
I was fine with the old one,
but you had to give it away.
Couldn't even let me sell it.
I beg your pardon.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
-Huh?
-Excuse me?
Adopting a child is a serious decision.
And you don't sound like the kind of
people who should be
legally allowed to do so.
-I should call Social Services.
-What?
Oh, you thought we were
talking about babies.
No, we were not talking about a baby.
We were talking about a rug.
Not a baby, a rug.
Not-- Not your rug.
Not that you have a rug.
I mean, that very well
could be your own hair...
...which is entirely possible,
and if it's not it's totally undetectable.
Isn't that right, Jeff?
We're sorry
to have wasted your time.
Let's go, honey.
Oh, I've never been so humiliated.
Oh, sure you have.
♪♪♪
[WHISTLES]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you on your balcony
tanning topless?
Yeah, way to put the "melon"
in "melanoma."
Yeah.
[GROANS]
[RUMBLING NOISE]
[RUSSELL GROANS]
Mr. Dunbar, are you all right, sir?
Oh, Timmy, I'm so glad you're here.
Can you hand me those binoculars?
[TIMMY GROANS]
Yeah.
Got them.
All good. Got them. Thank you.
RUSSEL:
Whoo.
What on Earth happened here?
Oh, I had a little, uh, trouble
adjusting my chair.
-Is this chick waving at me?
-Was there a fire here, sir?
Timmy, you seem
a little bit flustered, all right?
This will perk you up.
Take a look at this lady's ga-gas.
[CHUCKLES]
I don't wish to violate the privacy
of some poor innocent woman
by ogling her through binoculars.
Gay guy say what?
Sir, this place is an absolute disaster.
You realize that, don't you?
And here you were earlier, mocking
me for implying that you needed me.
All right, I'll say it.
I need you.
[INHALES]
Thank you.
To clean all this up.
Gotta go.
♪♪♪
[ADAM SIGHS]
That was rough.
Yeah. Yeah, we were both struggling
pretty hard not to be on the bottom.
You know what?
I am looking at this rug...
...and I am thinking of what we did,
not of them.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
Let me try.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
I really feel like we made it ours.
Yeah. And, honey, some day...
...someone is gonna be sucking
gallons of our sludge off of that.
Aw!
[CHUCKLES]
All right, I'm gonna go get ready
for bed.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[SIGHS]
-Hey.
-Hey.
We, uh, need the rug back.
Why?
Well, Audrey and I
couldn't agree on a new one...
...so roll her up.
Well, you're not gonna want it.
Jen and I just threw it
a welcome "bone" party.
So now every time
that you look at this...
...you're gonna think of us. Doing it.
Huh.
-What you doing?
-See if I can edit you...
...out of that picture.
And I can, so roll it up.
Oh.
Hey, Jeff.
Hey, yourself, you.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
Good to have you back, old friend.
Looks even better since we got the
saps down the hall to clean it for us.
And, uh, the rug's fine
but you know what I'm thinking?
Something annoying?
I'm thinking we should, uh,
reupholster the couch and chairs.
Hey, got it right first guess.
But I'll make you a deal.
You can re-whatever the furniture...
...if we re-christen the rug,
right now.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I'm talking about right here...
...a little bit over here...
...possibly finishing up
right about here.
[JEN SNORING]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
Uh, yes, I had a few questions
about tonight's adoption fair.
Here's a question;
will there be food?
Heh, how late will it be going?
Uh, the adoption fair is from 6 to 10.
Thank you.
Dinner hours.
There's gotta be food, right?
[SIGHS]
Uh, my hus--
A guy here wants to know
if there's going to be any food.
Thank you. No food.
Oh, lot of nerve calling it a fair...
...when they're not offering
some sort of meat-on-a-stick.
Try not to...
...Jeff it up too much tonight, please.
If we get serious about adopting,
we'll need these people to like us.
If they can't like me for who I am,
then I'm not gonna buy
one of their used babies.
Just don't completely embarrass us.
I'll find an appropriate level.
Good. Now, let's finish
talking about replacing this rug.
I thought we finished last night
when I said no and then fell asleep.
Yeah, I know it's shocking, but your
fake cartoon snoring didn't fool me.
It wasn't fake,
it was classic Three Stooges.
I don't want a new rug. I put a lot of
time and effort into breaking in this one.
You tried that argument
with all your old underwear.
Come on, admit it,
don't you like your new underwear?
Nestles in there sometimes, but....
This rug is fine. It works. Watch.
See? My feet aren't touching
the wood floor. Hey, way to go, rug.
You get to live in a
beautiful apartment...
...because I take it
upon myself to make it beautiful.
Like what I did with the guest room.
The kitchen.
And I think a new rug will make
this whole room feel a lot fresher and--
[JEFF SNORING]
♪♪♪
♪ How many ways
To say I love you ♪
[SEÑOR HAPPY'S
"HOW MANY WAYS" PLAYING]
♪ How many ways
To say that I'm not scared ♪
♪ With you by my side
There is no denying ♪
♪ I can't wait for me and you ♪
♪♪♪
Right, so maybe at lunch today
we'll do a little carpet shopping.
Carpet shopping?
What, did you get a little carried away
with the waxing this morning?
I wish.
No.
God, sorry to disappoint you, Russell.
And me. You're disappointing....
-Disappointing me too.
RUSSEL: Ha, ha.
Uh....
All right, carpets this afternoon
and, uh, the adoption fair tonight.
What about
finding a new surrogate?
You mean to replace the
one that we had and loved...
...but then you ruined her for us
by having sex with her?
Jeez, take it easy,
talk about holding a grudge.
It was a week ago.
It was only five business days.
Because she and I did some,
uh, business.
Shoo.
You're alone on this one.
RUSSEL:
Ah.
-Mr. and Mrs. Bingham.
-Hey, Timmy.
Good morning, sir.
Hey, Timmy, uh, this coffee doesn't
taste as good as the coffee
you make at work. Fix it.
Well, in order to do that,
I'd have to bring it into the rest room. Ha.
That's very funny,
Chutney Dangerfield. Fix it.
Hey, Timmy, do you know anybody
who can get us a quality rug...
...at well below quality prices?
Oh, I see.
So because I'm of Indian descent
I must have a friend or a relative
who's a carpet merchant. Is that it?
Well, do you?
Yes.
♪♪♪
A little more, and there.
Oh, my God, I love this rug.
Thank you. Adam, what do you think?
When I lift the couch
my guns look huge.
Well, tell Audrey thanks again.
The rug looks perfect.
Yeah, it really ties
all your crap together.
[JEFF CLICKS TONGUE]
Um, I'm gonna miss it.
Well, you can come over
whenever you want to visit the rug.
You start buying my brand of Scotch
and maybe I will.
He said, hoping they'd buy him
a bottle of thank-you Scotch.
Anyway, I am gonna go pick out...
...some new pillows and throws
to go with the rug.
Is that near a liquor store?
Buy me Scotch.
Anyways, I hope that, uh, you and Jen
have as much fun with this rug
as Audrey and I did.
And we had some fun.
-Uh, what do you mean? What fun?
-Sex fun.
You used to have sex on this rug?
Yep.
Yeah, in fact, uh, just last night
we threw it a little "bone" voyage party.
I'll see you, buddy.
[GASPS]
♪♪♪
No, no.
Who's responsible for this?
I bet it's Voldemort.
Yes, it's Voldemort.
Excuse me, sir?
Timmy, you know
I don't like to be disturbed...
...while I'm reading pornography.
Yes, pornography.
So it won't bother you to know that
Professor Snape kills Dumbledore.
Why would that both--?
Not Dumbledore.
Why would you tell me that?
Oh, I don't know, sir.
Why would you pants me
during yesterday's staff meeting?
All I know is
everybody laughed but you.
Actually, you also know
that Harry marries Ginny Weasley.
No. Why are you
telling me these things?
Timmy, take off your belt
and call a staff meeting.
I really do wish I had the time
but I have to take the Binghams
carpet shopping.
Oh, bore. Okay, fine, fine.
Uh, now, I've written down some
emergency numbers for you.
There's my cell, uh, the police...
...your "masseuse."
Guy who waits in the lobby
making everyone uncomfortable...
...while your "masseuse"
completes your "massage."
All right, enough with the air quotes.
I don't need you around, I'm not a child.
Of course not, sir. I also placed your
afternoon juice box on your desk.
Stop making yourself feel
so important and beat it.
-Gladly.
-Yeah.
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]
[GRUNTS]
Timmy.
Tim?
[SIGHS]
♪♪♪
The brown one is nice, but, um,
can I see the yellow one down here?
Mm.
May I see the brown one again?
I'd hate to be
a Polly Push-along, sir...
...but how much longer do you think
Mrs. Bingham will take to decide?
We might die first.
But you've got that whole
reincarnation thing, so you're fine.
-Look, Mr. Bingham, I--
-How does that work, anyways?
Do you, uh, get to pick what animal
you come back as?
Sir, it's actually
a deeply personal matter.
See, me, I'd go bird.
Right?
Or a combo bird-horse.
So I'd get to fly.
And then when I land, I got a little
something for the reincarnated ladies.
Oh, did you ask your uncle about giving
me the "Friend of Timmy" discount?
Oh, Mr. Bingham,
do you consider us friends?
Discount friends.
♪♪♪
RUSSELL: I had a great time with you.
Are you kidding?
I would love to see you again.
And by the way, you don't need
to bring the massage table,
we're not fooling anybody.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, okay. Yes.
All right, I'll see you soon. Bye, hon.
[GROANS]
[GRUNTS]
♪♪♪
Hey, babe.
Get the hell off the rug.
What? Why?
It's so plush and soft.
Jen, Jen, Jen, don't.
Don't what?
Oh, oh.
-Three second rule.
-No!
What the hell's wrong with you?
Okay, listen.
Jeff told me that he and Audrey
used to do it on this rug.
I know, right?
I mean, no way
we're buying him any Scotch.
Ow, they're all over me.
I've gotta go take a shower.
No, don't leave me alone with it!
♪♪♪
[BLOWS AIR]
[GASPS]
[SCREAMS]
[GROANS]
Come on. Get.
[GRUNTING]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
The yellow one.
Or the brown one.
Hey, what do you say you crank up
this thing and fly us out of here?
Ah, I'm Aladdin.
I certainly had that coming...
...for bringing you here
and getting you a discount.
Jeff, can you get over here and help?
We've gotta get to the adoption fair.
-Then pick one.
-This should be both our decisions.
Which one do you like?
Well, this one feels....
Wow.
It's a good thing
I'm already bent over.
[JEFF SIGHS]
Don't pick by price.
Which one do you like better?
-I don't want to tell you.
-Well, I want your opinion.
Fine, here we go. Um....
-I like the brown one.
-Really? Because I like the yellow one.
-Then get the yellow one.
-Now I know you like the brown one.
And there you go. See? See?
Fly, Timmy, fly.
♪♪♪
[GRUNTING]
[WHISTLES]
[WHISTLES]
♪♪♪
All right, that's as clean
as it's gonna get.
Okay, well, let's take a look.
[BOTH GROANING]
God, that's disgusting.
It's like Jeff and Audrey's
marriage in liquid form.
[ADAM GROANS]
And you were rolling around in it.
[GROANS]
Yeah, thanks, I forgot about that.
You know, I still think
we might have to get rid of the rug.
[SIGHS]
Unless we have sex on it.
Hmm.
I don't know. I mean,
I've done some dirty things.
Yes, we did, heh.
I mean, there was
that truck stop bathroom.
Uh....
I don't remember that.
-The locker room floor.
-The locker room?
-Yeah, the back of that taco truck.
-Okay, please stop.
Look, if we want to try to keep this thing,
it's our only chance.
[ADAM SIGHS]
[BOTH GROANING]
This is gonna be worse than that time
we did it in the parking structure.
[GROANS]
Still not me.
[JEN GASPS]
Oh, wow, this is great.
They have information on adopting
from countries all over the world.
It's like the international
food court at the mall...
...but with babies
instead of gorditas.
[JEN CHUCKLES]
Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Bingham, hi.
I'm Tom Wrigley,
director of the program.
Feel free to ask me any questions.
-Oh, thank you so much.
-Oh, I got a question.
Should we tell him that there's
a dead raccoon on his head?
When he turned around
I expected to see a tail. Heh.
Okay, no more of that.
That guy is very important.
If we decide to adopt,
all starts with him.
Okay.
What did you just eat?
Uh, mini egg roll.
They had a bunch
at the, uh, bar mitzvah next door.
They're really doing it up for Seth.
-You said you wouldn't embarrass us.
-No, I said I'd try.
And I planned on eating before,
but you took so long at the rug store...
...we didn't have time.
I only took so long
because I got no help from you.
Why would I expect you to participate
in a decision that affects us both?
Hey, I participate when I care.
And like I told you before,
I don't care.
Then why say
you wanted a brown one?
Because you forced me to choose.
But to be honest,
it can be brown, yellow, whatever.
Get a black one for all I care.
I don't know how
you can be so blasé.
We're going to have to
live with it for years.
I was fine with the old one,
but you had to give it away.
Couldn't even let me sell it.
I beg your pardon.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
-Huh?
-Excuse me?
Adopting a child is a serious decision.
And you don't sound like the kind of
people who should be
legally allowed to do so.
-I should call Social Services.
-What?
Oh, you thought we were
talking about babies.
No, we were not talking about a baby.
We were talking about a rug.
Not a baby, a rug.
Not-- Not your rug.
Not that you have a rug.
I mean, that very well
could be your own hair...
...which is entirely possible,
and if it's not it's totally undetectable.
Isn't that right, Jeff?
We're sorry
to have wasted your time.
Let's go, honey.
Oh, I've never been so humiliated.
Oh, sure you have.
♪♪♪
[WHISTLES]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you on your balcony
tanning topless?
Yeah, way to put the "melon"
in "melanoma."
Yeah.
[GROANS]
[RUMBLING NOISE]
[RUSSELL GROANS]
Mr. Dunbar, are you all right, sir?
Oh, Timmy, I'm so glad you're here.
Can you hand me those binoculars?
[TIMMY GROANS]
Yeah.
Got them.
All good. Got them. Thank you.
RUSSEL:
Whoo.
What on Earth happened here?
Oh, I had a little, uh, trouble
adjusting my chair.
-Is this chick waving at me?
-Was there a fire here, sir?
Timmy, you seem
a little bit flustered, all right?
This will perk you up.
Take a look at this lady's ga-gas.
[CHUCKLES]
I don't wish to violate the privacy
of some poor innocent woman
by ogling her through binoculars.
Gay guy say what?
Sir, this place is an absolute disaster.
You realize that, don't you?
And here you were earlier, mocking
me for implying that you needed me.
All right, I'll say it.
I need you.
[INHALES]
Thank you.
To clean all this up.
Gotta go.
♪♪♪
[ADAM SIGHS]
That was rough.
Yeah. Yeah, we were both struggling
pretty hard not to be on the bottom.
You know what?
I am looking at this rug...
...and I am thinking of what we did,
not of them.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
Let me try.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
I really feel like we made it ours.
Yeah. And, honey, some day...
...someone is gonna be sucking
gallons of our sludge off of that.
Aw!
[CHUCKLES]
All right, I'm gonna go get ready
for bed.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[SIGHS]
-Hey.
-Hey.
We, uh, need the rug back.
Why?
Well, Audrey and I
couldn't agree on a new one...
...so roll her up.
Well, you're not gonna want it.
Jen and I just threw it
a welcome "bone" party.
So now every time
that you look at this...
...you're gonna think of us. Doing it.
Huh.
-What you doing?
-See if I can edit you...
...out of that picture.
And I can, so roll it up.
Oh.
Hey, Jeff.
Hey, yourself, you.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
Good to have you back, old friend.
Looks even better since we got the
saps down the hall to clean it for us.
And, uh, the rug's fine
but you know what I'm thinking?
Something annoying?
I'm thinking we should, uh,
reupholster the couch and chairs.
Hey, got it right first guess.
But I'll make you a deal.
You can re-whatever the furniture...
...if we re-christen the rug,
right now.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I'm talking about right here...
...a little bit over here...
...possibly finishing up
right about here.
[JEN SNORING]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪