RuPaul's Drag Race (2009–…): Season 14, Episode 13 - The Ross Mathews Roast - full transcript

Previously
on RuPaul's Drag Race...

You'll be starring in Moulin Ru.

♪ Moulin Ru ♪

♪ Start your engines ♪

♪ Moulin Ru ♪

Jorgeous.

There was a disconnect
from what your body was doing

and what was on your face.

Bosco.

You could have gone
so much further with it.

Lady Camden.



I totally knew who you were.

Con-drag-ulations. You're the
winner of this week's challenge.

Jorgeous, shantay you stay.

Bosco. If you have
the gold bar,

you will be safe.

Oh, my goodness!

Bosco, you are safe
to slay another day!

Mm.

Oh, there's no lipstick message.

I've just been saved

by the most
splendiferous candy bar

in existence.

I feel so crazy,

but I feel like
I'm supposed to be here.



I am supposed to be
on this couch.

I got the golden chocolate bar.

Come on, chocolate.

Holy fuck.

Yay, Bosco.

It sucks for the rest of us,

because now immunity
is out the door.

I feel like Charlie
and the Chocolate Factory

all in one.

Like, what?

I was kind of unhappy
when Bosco gets immunity,

because what else
is it gonna take

to get these bitches
out of here, you know?

And it's, like,
getting frustrating.

This is a lot.

It's a lot.

Bosco, how did you feel

about all of us
saying your name?

Who should go home tonight?

I would have to say Bosco.

- Bosco.
- Bosco.

- Bosco.
- I would have to say Bosco.

I would have to say Bosco.

But if you wanna
talk about track record,

she was in the bottom
three times in one episode.

Was it a surprise
that everybody said my name?

After hearing what
the judges had to say,

I'm not delusional.

I'm not out of touch

with, like, what
had happened on the stage.

The lady asked you
to say a name,

so you have to say a name.

Literally every person
in this building

told me to go home,
and I didn't,

and that's really funny.

I do wanna say congrats, baby.

Thank you.

I know, like, we had a moment,

and, like, I am fully willing
to take responsibility

for a lot of that moment.

It was both of us, though,
you know what I mean?

Like, we both should share
the weight of that argument.

I was being a brat as well.

I am nothing
but very, very happy

and pleased for you.

I'm sure at this point,

Bosco is gunning
for some redemption

as she was almost sent home,

but we all are right now.

It doesn't matter
if you just won

or you almost went home.

We are so close to the finale.

Smell the chocolate.

Smells like victory.

There's so many distractions

as we get closer
and closer to the crown.

You have to focus on that crown.

And the journey continues.

Continues.

♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪

The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race

receives a one-year supply

of Anastasia Beverly Hills
cosmetics,

and a grand prize of $100.000,
powered by Cash App.

With extra-special guest judge,
Dulcé Sloan.

♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪

♪ May the best drag queen win ♪

♪ Best drag queen win ♪

- It's a new day!
- Helloteous.

It is another day
in the werkroom.

Even though there's
seven girls here right now,

we are so close to the finale.

It's like I'm edging right now.

Can you say that?
I don't know.

Jorgie, Jorgie-porgie.

I think it's safe to say
that you definitely are

the lip sync assassin
of the season.

Yeah.

How do you feel
about that, DeJa?

Well, it wasn't an official
title,

so I don't really give a fuck.

Because RuPaul said
I am, darling.

Apparently there is
a lip sync assassin among us.

No, no, no, no, no.

She said you could be.

All right.

Your application
is pending, DeJa.

Hello, hello, hello.

Ladies, we've got company.

Please give a warm
Drag Race welcome

to the president
of Anastasia Beverly Hills,

Norvina.

Yes, girl.

Ladykins, thanks to Norvina,

this is your lucky day.

For the first time
in Drag Race herstory,

I'm giving you the chance

to paint my face.

What?

Girl, what?

There's no way in hell, bitch,

that RuPaul is gonna
let us paint her face.

Girl, are you serious?

Norvina, my dear, after you.

Now, queens, walk this way.

No, really.
Walk this way.

Ladies, uncover your eyes.

One, two, three.

Oh, my God!

So for today's mini-challenge,

you need to paint my mug

and the face
of the beautiful Dolly Parton.

Paint your face, honey.

See, this makes
a lot more sense.

Using several coats
of many colors,

inspired by the new
Anastasia Beverly Hills

Norvina lilac palette,

you'll be recreating
the incredible mural

by artist Gus Cutty

located in Asheville,
North Carolina.

Now, queens, I need you
to break into two teams,

a team of three
and a team of four.

Well, that was easy.

DeJa, Jorgeous, Angeria,

you'll be painting my face.

- Yes!
- Ooh, yes!

Lady Camden, Willow Pill,
Daya Betty, and Bosco,

you'll be painting
the face of Dolly Parton.

Yes!

Gear up. You've got
30 minutes to create art.

Ready...

set...

paint for the gods.

Okay, bitches.
Light colors down first.

We're gonna get this set wet,
honey.

I will use this brush.

All right, I'm giving you
shades, guys,

I'm giving you shades.

- Dimension.
- Yes!

Oh, my God!

- Jorgeous!
- Oh, my God!

Jorgeous with
this ginormous brush

looks like a little hamster
in a cartoon, just...

We have seven minutes
to finish her highlights!

Aah!

Put some more mascara
on her eye, bitch.

Oh, my God, you're making her
look like such a drag queen.

Eew.

I am snatching this nose down.

She can't even breathe
how pinched it is.

That nose.

It looks like
if a hot dog had a butt.

Bitch...

Bitch, I don't know what's
going on with this nose. Unnh.

But I think we won.

Queens, we're back!

And we're scared.

One, two, three.

- What do you think?
- Whoa!

Watching RuPaul's face...

Oh, dear.

Oh, well, you got
my wooden teeth right.

I think we've seen enough.

The winner of today's
mini-challenge is...

Team Dolly.

You've each won $1.500 worth

of Anastasia
Beverly Hills cosmetics.

And queens, thank you all
for trying my new palette.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

My queens, for this week's
maxi-challenge,

we're having
a good, old-fashioned roast.

And the guest of honor
is our very own...

Ross Mathews.

Since bursting
onto the national scene

as the hilarious intern
on The Tonight Show,

Ross has become America's
sweetheart, bestselling author,

and one of my favorite people
on the planet.

This week, your job
is to rip her to shreds.

Lady Camden, Willow,
Bosco, and Daya Betty,

you won the mini-challenge,

so you get to assign
the order of the roast.

Ooh!

Racers, start your engines,

and may the best drag queen win!

Bitch, this is gonna be
the worst challenge.

Like, I'm a pendeja.

I'm not good
at writing down jokes.

I'm gonna be
in so much fucking trouble.

Yes!

Come on, roast.

Is anyone terrified
of this challenge?

- I'm terrified.
- Very.

I am terrified.

Our maxi-challenge this week
is the roast of Ross Mathews.

And because Team Dolly
won the mini-challenge,

we get to set up
the order of the roast.

So the four of us
get to decide the order.

Yeah!

I do wanna say I would
like to make everybody,

like, somewhat comfortable
in this.

I don't wanna bone anybody.

Before we break off,

do you all have anything to say?

I would prefer
not to go first or last.

Somewhere in the first half.

I would love to go second,

if that's an option for me.

Your applications are pending.

We'll get back to you
in six to eight weeks.

Let's go have
a little team huddle.

With great power
comes great responsibility.

But at the same time,

as long as I get the spot
that I want,

I do not care
where anyone else goes.

I'm putting my foot down.
I want Saltine.

I know the first and last spots

are always the least favorable.

I don't want either.

I'm okay with kind of anything,
just not opening.

After last week's shenanigans,

I'm not trying to start a fight

over any sort of spot
in the roast.

I'm more than willing
to be a team player.

I'm okay with opening.

It doesn't seem like

anybody's chomping at the bit
for that one,

and after last week,

I'm playing it a little bit
less conflict-heavy.

Look at us!

I'd be okay with going third.

It's a little shady,

but I would like
to go after Jorgeous,

because I feel the least
confident in her set.

But she could blow us away.
I have no idea.

I mean...

we'll see.

Uh, mm, well, I don't know.

Like, I want to be
in the middle.

Like, dead middle.

What about five
and Angie's four?

- Sure.
- Okay.

How do you feel
about sixth or seventh?

It's you and DeJa.

But DeJa said
she doesn't want to.

- But...
- Fuck that shit.

If you want to go sixth,
go sixth

and put DeJa last.

I'm just wondering
if I'm capable of, like,

bringing it home, you know?

If I go last, then I have
to be really fucking funny,

and if I don't go last,
then I'm playing it safe.

I have that weird butterfly
feeling in my stomach,

where it's like, eee.

Do it, you know what I mean?

Like, move towards
your discomfort?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I need to continue
to sort of push myself

off of that scary ledge,

because whenever
I don't do that,

I just fade into the background.

I'm gonna go last.
Fuck it.

- Okay, baby.
- All right, do it.

Oh, they're back.

What's the tea, sugarfoot?

Okay, Bosco's going to open.

- Werk!
- Perfect.

Miss Jorgeous
will be going second.

Oh, my God, yes.

Thank you all,
thank y'all, thank y'all.

Willow will be going third.

- Angie's next, so fourth.
- Okay.

I will be going five.

- DeJa will be going sixth.
- Okay.

And Cam will be going last.

Yay!

There is no room for complaints.

Nobody set you up.
Everybody got what they wanted.

If you suck, you suck.

Sucks to suck,
as my grandma used to say.

Okay, now time to change
my diaper and start writing.

Yay!

Roasting the Ross.

The roast of Ross.

Willow, how are you feeling
about all of this?

Oh, my God.

I've never done a roast before,

and it is just
a whole 'nother ballpark.

You have to tell lots of jokes,

have all of them land,

and make sure that
you're not the joke at the end.

Okay, how do you like this one?

Ross, I like to imagine
you and Carson

are secretly in love.

But since you're both
loose bottoms,

you have sex by leaning against
opposite sides of the couch

and running backwards.

Wait. What?

With a roast, there's a lot
of potential for embarrassment.

- How you doing?
- Bad.

Girl, I feel you.

Like, I literally
don't even know how to begin.

What do your notes say?

"Thank you, Angeria."

Oh, my God.

By the way, you guys,

this is a roast,
so no holds bar.

Go for the jugular.

Yeah.

Or all my chins.

DeJa is just such a fun person.

She's probably gonna deliver
something pretty great,

as long as she doesn't
veer into dad joke country.

I kind of wanted to do,
like, something dumb.

Like...

if Ru, Ross, and Michelle
were in a girl group,

it would be called
Destiny's Adopted Child.

Huh?

You have some work to do.

It's not that
the joke's not funny.

I mean, I'm just
kind of not laughing.

Well, then I guess that means
the joke wasn't funny.

But...
Yeah, the joke wasn't funny.

- Hello!
- Oh, hello!

- Hi, Bosco.
- Hi.

It's time to meet
with the comedy coaches.

We're gonna find out
if any of my jokes are funny.

Dulcé Sloan is here.

- Hi!
- Hello!

She will help us
through our journey.

Okay, and it's gonna be
a journey.

Have you done a roast before?

I've done a lot of,
like, hosting gigs.

Well, you're kind of
a shady bitch.

Kinda.

Shady bitch. What a great
foundation to be on.

- So let's get started.
- Okay.

My name is Bosco,
and I'm still here.

Last week,
I had the dubious honor

of being told
by every competitor

that I should go home.

Cool.

That's observational
and it's cute,

but if it's not funny enough

and then you follow it up
with deadpan "cool,"

it's not gonna work.

There's no punchline
to that joke.

Gotcha.

And the first thing
Michelle said,

that you were a shady bitch,
I didn't get shady bitch.

I have a very dry
sense of humor,

and sometimes dry sense of humor

does not always read
to everybody.

But let's talk a little bit
about your career, Ross.

Leslie Jordan walked
so you could prance.

Um...

Oh, I get it.

It's a roast.

Make this bitch Boston Market.
Like, roast.

Gotcha.

And also, you're opening this.

- You chose to go first.
- I did.

- You chose to go first?
- You chose to go first.

- I did.
- Why?

I have a lot to prove
after last week.

You know, last week,
Ru said "Who should go home,"

and they all chose Bosco.

- Everybody chose you?
- Everybody chose me.

You better come out here
with guns blazing.

That's what it has to be
right now.

There are things in here.

Be funnier, be deliberate.

- Yes.
- Okay.

Let us know what
you're here to do.

If they want bigger punchlines
and they want more meat,

where's the meat?

I will give them the meat.

Hey, Willow.

Let's hear what you got.

RuPaul, it's no secret

you're a little intimidating
to us queens,

but to curb my fear of you,
I have to remember

that all of your talent
and creativity

has gone into smash hits

like Christmas Cookies
and Christmas Cookies 2.0.

The first part of it's too long.

- Say it again.
- It's no secret

you're a little intimidating
to us queens,

but to curb my enthubia...
Ugh, sorry.

To curb my fear of you...

I just wanna introduce
the phrase to you

"economy of words."

Get to the funny
as soon as you possibly can.

- Succinct.
- Okay.

Succinct. Yeah. College.

My comedy is rambling absurdity,

but the setup that usually works
for the roasts

is like setup, joke,
punchline, boom.

Move on. Next, next,
next, next, next,

and that is not easy
to do at all.

All right, Angie,
let us have it.

Well, all right.
Now that nap time is over,

I am here
to wake y'all bitches up.

- Okay.
- Okay.

You got us.
We're ready.

- Hey!
- I'm up!

I'm coming in loud
and in charge,

and just doing what Angie does.

When I think of the name
Ross Mathews,

I think of motels:

always open and filthy as fuck.

Always open and...

And filthy as fuck.

Cool? Okay, keep going.

- Eh.
- It's all right, it's all right.

- Eh!
- It's all right.

- Well, hey, we getting there.
- Eh!

Okay. Okay.

Ross, you have a fabulous job.

I mean, I know people that
would kill to work on this show

and be the understudy
for Carson Kressley.

That's cute.

- Hey, there we go. That's one.
- I like that one.

- That's cute.
- Okay.

Like, well, as long as I'm

getting a little giggle
out you, girl,

I feel good about
what I have cooking.

Daya, are you excited
for this challenge?

I am terrified
for this challenge.

Are you?

I don't have any reads
for Ru right now.

Okay, quick note.

Do not tell us
what you don't have,

because it makes us feel
like you're unprepared.

What do you have?
Start with that.

Okay.

So, now, girls, I want you
to look at Michelle.

This is what a man in a wig
is supposed to look like.

Okay.

I am thinking, oh, God,
this is awful.

She's gonna hate it.
This is not gonna go well.

Who is your doctor?

That way, when the money
starts coming in,

I know who to stay away from

if I'm gonna get
cosmetic surgery.

That's funny.

- Okay, perfect.
- That's funny.

But then she starts chuckling,
she starts laughing.

Ross Mathews, you're so gay,
your favorite candy is PrEP.

That's funny!

So that's all the jokes
you have written.

That's all I have as of now.

Hey, you got some funny jokes.

So now go write some more.

- Well, hello!
- DeJa!

Baby, baby!

So let's see what you've got.

All right, so Daya
is the person before me.

So Daya looks like what
a five-year-old would draw

if a five-year-old
would draw Bigfoot.

- Mm-mm.
- No.

- Mm-mm.
- Okay.

Michelle, this hair
is everything,

but I will say

you officially look like
Pepe Le Pew's asshole.

Okay. Is that funny?

Is that funny?

I was, like, I thought it was.

What joke would you think
is the strongest

that you would use
as your opening joke?

Um...

Which one...
What are you laughing at?

Tell me, tell me, tell me.

I'm literally just
trying to figure out

what was my funniest joke.

And you should know that.

Was the Bigfoot one funny?

- No.
- Not really.

Not really. Okay.

I will work on that.

Okay, but what you do need
are funny jokes.

Yes.

It's gonna be the roast
of DeJa Skye.

- Hi, Lady Camden!
- Hello!

Let us hear what you've got,
and we'll guide you.

There before the grace of gays,
Michelle Visage.

A lot of people
don't actually know

that you are a talented dancer,

because you are not.

Yes, I am!

No, Michelle,
you have two left feet.

They have left your body
completely.

Yes.

That is fucking hilarious.

You like that?

Am I a comedian?

Ross Mathews, you are so gay

that when I shout "Hello"
into your asshole,

it echoes back gayer.

Can't you just say,

"You are so gay that
even your farts have a lisp?"

Right. Ha-ha-ha!

Succinct, to the point.

Yep. When you try
to make something work

that's not working, that's when
you put too many words there.

You got this, and you got
some funny stuff there, Camden.

- Helloteous.
- Okay.

Bitch, you're painted.

Thank you for
the cheap seats always.

Yes, and Michelle, you know
you're always painted, too.

- Always, Jorgeous.
- Okay.

Okay, thank you
for the compliments.

- Let's hear your jokes, baby.
- Okay.

Oh, my God, I am honestly

so nervous about
sharing my material.

I met Ross Mathews one time
at a club that I work at,

and this bitch
was twerking everywhere.

And all I could think was,

"Why does it smell like
45 ounces of bounce that ass?"

45 ounces...

Of bounce that ass.

- I'm glad you're laughing.
- Okay.

- Mm-mm.
- Really?

Not funny.

When I'm giving you any
amount of bouncing that ass,

it's a good day for everybody.

- Okay.
- I'll take it.

So let's go back on that joke.

- Yes.
- Okay.

Ross was so fucked up.

She was twerking everywhere,
and, bitch, it stunk.

Like, it smelled.

Are you telling me that
because the ass was bouncing,

I am getting an aroma of anus?

- Yes, exactly.
- Okay.

- Can we hear more?
- Yes.

Ross Mathews, it's so good

to see you lose all that
weight and the baby.

People have very serious
feelings about losing babies.

Oh, okay.

So you might wanna stay away
from any of that.

Like, he gave birth to the baby.

That's what I was
trying to do, think of.

Oh, well, this is how
you say it.

Ross, it's so amazing
that you lost all that weight.

How's the baby?

- How's the baby? Okay.
- Ha, yes.

What else do you have for Ross,
because this is a roast of Ross.

Honestly, this is all
I have right now.

Jorgeous!

You can't be afraid
to make jokes.

They just have to be funny.

Okay. Okay.

Honestly, this challenge
is, like, so difficult.

I don't see myself
as a funny person.

- You gotta let that go.
- I know.

When you're talking
to your friends, do they laugh?

- Yes.
- Yeah?

You know you sit up and badmouth
bitches all the time

when you're sitting there
with your best homegirl.

That's how you talk to Ross.

And you turn that into a joke.

Write it down.

Okay.

Ugh, I just guess I need
to add that Jorgeous flair,

even though they've been
telling me for weeks to add it,

and I still
haven't figured it out.

And it's just, like, come on.

- Hey.
- Oh, she's back.

- What's the tea?
- It was fucking awful.

Really?

And I'm just over it
at this point.

I don't know what to do.

Um, yeah.

They were like,
just talk with your homegirls,

like how you talk
with your homegirls.

I'm like, okay, like,

that was obvious,
you know what I mean?

But, like, whatever happens
happens at this point.

Honestly, I don't care.

Jorgeous, don't give up, sister.

I know.

Sometimes Jorgeous
is super confident

and is ready to slay all of us.

Other times,
she's totally in her head

and kind of checking out
of the competition.

Right now,
she just can't give up.

You are a superstar.

Bitch, not after
this fucking shit.

- Good morning!
- Oh!

Time to roast a bitch!

Today's maxi-challenge
is the Ross Mathews roast.

I love him,
but I'm gonna read him.

So we have to roast and bake
at the same time.

Going into this roast,

I'm way more excited
than I thought I was gonna be.

So funny, Lady Camden.

You are a genius.

What?

I am tapping into this kind of,
like, humorous side of me,

and I'm feeling like my wings

are starting to kind of
expand a little bit.

Maybe I'll just keep
writing stuff down

as I'm gluing my eyebrows.

Bosco, you get to open
the show, darling.

- I do get to open the show.
- Are you feeling confident?

I like my set.

It feels really tight
and put together,

and I pride myself
on being very tight.

What about you, Miss Thing?

Yesterday they seemed to get
my humor, which was good.

I only had half of my set,

so hopefully the rest of my set
is just as good, if not better.

What about you, Jorgie-Porgie?

Oh, girl, I feel awful.

You feel awful?

I'm not excited about
this challenge whatsoever.

I'm trying my best,

and, like, lately my best
hasn't been good enough.

I feel like y'all
got it so together, though.

It's really intimidating,
not gonna lie.

Remember how you felt during
that Lip Sync Lalaparuza

where you were like,
I'm not bothered?

I'm not going anywhere.

Like, try to find that.

I can't figure it out.
I really can't, you know?

It's definitely an
"easier said than done" thing.

Yes.

Honestly, I'm just
not confident going into this.

Like...

Lip syncing is something that
I do not wanna have to rely on,

but if it comes down to it,
girl, I'm ready.

I'm gonna be laughing
at everything,

even if it's not funny,

and I expect the same
from my sisters.

I was at the bottom day one,
and I progressively got better.

I have won a challenge, Yay-ya!

I have a top multiple times.

I deserve to go
to that next level.

It's so close.
Like, I just...

It's right there,
so tangible I can taste it.

Can I see that extra
spongy-sponge?

Yeah, you're gonna have
to definitely wash it,

because it's, like,
old and gross.

- Whoa.
- I know.

What is this?

This looks like you had,
like, a third testicle

that you, like, cut off
and then handed it to me.

That thing is disgusting.

It's the risk of it all.

What is that?

- Fuck him.
- Hey, beggars can't be choosers,
Bosco.

- Absolutely not!
- Beggars can't be choosers.

♪ Cover girl,
put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe,
let your whole body talk ♪

- Yes, bitch.
- Yes.

Wow, wow, wow.

Welcome to the main stage
of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Michelle Visage.

Now, how do you like your roast?

Gluten-free and vegan with
a side of spotted dick, please.

Yum!

And our man of the hour,
the hilarious Ross Mathews.

Ross, will you be having
the roast tonight?

Sure, but would
you tell the chef

I like my roast well done?

Burn!

Welcome, Dulcé Sloan!

Now, I hear the roast
started yesterday.

You call it a roast.
I call it tough love.

This week,
we challenged our queens

to show off their comedy chops

at the first-ever
Ross Mathews roast.

Racers, start your engines,

and may the best drag queen win.

Live from Television City
in Sylmar,

it's the Ross Mathews roast.

First up, Bosco.

Jesus, thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Welcome to the roast
of the legendary Ross Mathews.

Before we get started,
I do wanna take a moment

and talk about myself.

Oh!

So last week
I had the legendary honor

to be told to go home by each
and every one of my competitors,

everyone on the panel,
and by RuPaul.

I have been told to go home

more times than Ross
at White Party.

I have been told to go home
more times than Michelle

every time she visits the UK.

I have been told to go home
more times than RuPaul

when she tells her record
company she has a new song.

I understand the critiques.

You're tired of the bras,
you're tired of the corsets.

You wanna see versatility.

I'll show you versatility
when Willow passes a drug test.

- Oh, shit.
- I'll show you versatility

when Jorgeous wins
an acting challenge

and passes a drug test.

RuPaul, you are so old

that when you say
that you were vers,

you mean you were
both hunter and gatherer.

And Ross, the man of the hour,
the reason for the season.

When you say that you were vers,
no one believes you.

But for real, I adore you.

Ross is not a top.

He's a blouse.

I'm gonna go ahead
and bring on our next girl.

If you hated my corsets,

I'm sure you're gonna love
her swimsuits.

Okay.

It's Jorgeous.

Hi, you nasty bitches.

You know, RuPaul, I thought
I was gonna be competing

with succulent, decadent,
gorgeous queens.

Instead, I'm getting
a linebacker,

Lurch,

and the Crimson Chin bitch.

Speaking of linebackers,
hi, Michelle.

Ooh!

I just wanna say it's so crazy

to think that your plastic
surgery is older than me.

I didn't have any, but okay.

I just also wanna say RuPaul,
it is so crazy

that I've known about you
ever since I was in diapers.

Now you're the one in diapers.

It's funny 'cause it's true!

I could smell it, girl,
I could smell it.

Now, the most nastiest bitch
of the hour, Miss Ross Mathews.

Helloteous. Good morning.

- Hi.
- Oh, my God, you're so gay

that your asshole
sounds like a turkey.

Blblblbl.

It's so good to see you
lose all that weight.

How's the baby?

Surprisingly, Jorgeous
has, like, good energy up there.

I just wanna bring
onto the next stage...

I mean, I just wanna bring...

But Jorgeous' roast is not good.

I just wanna bring to the stage
the gremlin of the season,

Miss Willow Pill.

Thank y'all very much!

Everybody give it up
for Jorgeous.

- Yes!
- She really tried her darnedest.

You know, the judges
are always saying

Jorgeous was born for drag.

She's also gonna die for it.

Because RuPaul's
gonna sacrifice her

for seven more years of life.

All that's gonna be left

is the world's tiniest
sequined bra.

I think what I love most
about the cast is the diversity.

We have Bosco,

who looks like the child
of Kurt and Courtney,

Daya, who looks like the child
of Ozzy and Sharon,

and we have Camden,

who looks like the child
of a brother and sister.

You fucking bitch!

But enough about
these hooligans.

I wanna talk about these judges.

Michelle, you pride yourself

on being a singer,
an actor, and a dancer,

and only three of those
are a lie.

On to the man of the hour,

Carson Kressley's arch nemesis,
Ross Mathews.

That's me.

Truly you are
a very, very handsome lesbian.

It took me about five years
to realize

you and Fortune Feimster
were different people.

Oh, my God!

That's my roast, but I'm
gonna bring up our next guest.

She combines the grace
of Diana Ross

and the beauty
of Rumpelstiltskin.

Give it up for Angeria!

Well, hello, everybody.

- Oh, hello.
- All right.

Well, now that nap time is over,

I'm here to do what I do best,

and that's read a bitch.

- Ooh!
- All right.

Now, wait a minute.

Now, let's start with our
beautiful panel of judges.

Mama Ru, in drag, you are like
the supermodel of the world.

But outta drag, you are like
the superintendent of schools.

Bitch, half the time,
I don't know

whether I'm about to get
eliminated or expelled.

Michelle Visage,

the inspiration
behind the invention

commonly known
as the glory hole,

because men would rather look
at a blank wall than yo face.

And the diet version
of Lizzo herself,

it's Dulcé Sloan, baby.

Baby, how you feeling?
Okay as hell?

All right, honey.

We are all here tonight
to honor one man.

Well, unfortunately,
that man was unavailable,

Ross Mathews.

If you were on Drag Race,
I am pretty sure

you would be the lip sync
assassin of your season,

because you are no stranger
to bottoming weekly.

Ooh!

But no, seriously, you are
the only man that I know

that masturbates
to Lifetime movie network.

Don't judge me!

Angeria may not have
the punchlines,

but she is delivering everything

as if it is the funniest thing
you've ever heard.

Jacking it to soap operas
and shit.

That is all the time
that I have for y'all today.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Uncle Fester.

- Aah!
- Yes!

You know, I am terrified.

I've never done a roast before,

but Dulcé did give me
some really good advice

before we got started.

It's really all about
creating jokes

centered around people
that you respect the most.

I was, like, well, shit,
I'm definitely in trouble then.

Although I don't really
consider myself

the funniest girl here,

I am very happy to be here
in front of you all tonight.

I want you all to take a look
at Michelle Visage over here.

Look at her beautiful hair,
the stunning makeup.

Now, this is what a man in a wig
is supposed to look like, okay?

Now, Ru, roasting you

is probably the most
difficult thing, you know,

just because
I admire you so much.

I think you are
just so successful.

Hell, you had a podcast
that always made people smile.

Daya's taking so long
to get to every punchline.

You have a TV show that
constantly makes people laugh.

You have a music career

that makes people go
uh-huh, okay, cool.

It's like, oh, not only
wasn't it not funny,

but you wasted my time.

But, you know, we are all here
tonight for a reason.

Ross, you are so gay

your favorite candy is PrEP.

And you know, you truly are
a staple of this show,

and you are definitely one of my
top... four favorite judges here.

Let me introduce you
to our next guest.

She was conceived in a car

going 80 miles per hour
down the interstate

because that's where
most accidents happen.

It's DeJa Skye!

Well, hello, everybody.

Give it up for Miss Daya Betty.

Yeah!

Now, I will say Daya looks like

what a five-year-old would draw

if you asked them
to draw Bigfoot.

Or a big foot.

Yeah, that's very much
Daya Betty.

Now, speaking of big things,

what's the difference between
my padding and Bosco's big ego?

Oh, my God.

My padding can clear a doorway.

Oh, my God.

Just kidding.
Not really.

Let's talk about you guys.

Michelle, you are
a dirty, dirty woman,

and I only say that because
she hasn't washed her vagina

since Season 4
of RuPaul's Drag Race.

- Oh, my God.
- Whew.

Now, what's something nice

that I can say about Michelle

that already hasn't been said
by the L.A. Rams?

Or the Clippers.
Or the Lakers.

She's a whore.

And that leads me
to the queen of the hour,

Mrs. Ross Mathews.

Ba-ba-ba-ba-bow!

Now, Ross, I personally
love your voice,

but sometimes
it gets so high-pitched

I'm almost certain
only dogs can hear it.

Woof! You know what I mean?

Oh, no, DeJa.

Now it's weird,
and I don't understand this,

but I am in full drag,

and for some reason I look
more masculine than you.

I don't get it.

It's the flannel.

Tell another one.
I'm bombing up here.

Hey.

Well, my time is done.

Let's introduce
our next entertainer.

Now, this queen
needs no introduction.

Finally a joke lands,

and it happens to be
the last one.

♪ Wah, wah, wah ♪

Hello, everyone!

- Hello!
- Hello!

Thank fuck
that was over. Yay-ya!

The Muppets are here!

Yes, a bunch of ugly monsters

who only come to life when
there is a hand up their ass.

I'm excited
for tonight's runway.

Jorgeous will be wearing
a headband as a dress,

and RuPaul will be telling her
that she is a superstar.

Yes. Can't wait for you
to superstar your way

out of this roast, bitch.
Damn.

- Oh, my God!
- Enough about them.

I am in front of gay
Mount Rushmore tonight. Yes.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

I don't know,
but Michelle's a whore.

"Michelle" actually translates
to "beautiful,"

and "Visage" translates
to "just kidding."

- Hey, Ross.
- Hi!

I'm sorry, my dear,

but you represent the bottoms
and the bottoms of the week.

Ross is a true
Hollywood success story,

proof that you do not need
a deep voice.

You just need a deep throat.

Ooh!

Ross, you are so gay

that when I shout "hello"
into your asshole,

it echoes,
"hello, hello, hello,"

and then it comes back,
"Hey, bitch."

Every time I shout,
"I need relationship advice"

and it comes back out,
"Fucking dump him, bitch."

Every time I shout
"What is the meaning of life"

into Ross's asshole,
it echoes in

and it comes back out,
"It's Britney, bitch."

That's all
I have time for today.

Thank you all so much,
and thank you for letting us

destroy you completely tonight,
Ross Mathews.

We adore you. Mwah.

Thank you.

Let's give a big round
of applause for Ross Mathews.

I feel very loved.
Thank you.

Is there anything you wanna say?

I quit.

♪ The world is your runway ♪

Category is Tutu Much.

First up, Bosco.

How's your head?

Now, that's what
I call a shoulder blade.

I'm giving you
buzz saw ballerina.

I do a lot of horror-based drag.

It's kind of like
a fuck you to tutu

while also putting
my own spin on it.

Nice middle ground
of glamour and gore.

Well, she saw it in the store

and just had to have it.

Up next, Jorgeous.

I hear she's got a part
in West Side Whorey.

Rita Moren-ho.

I'm showing the judges

a little more
rougher side of Jorgeous,

knowing that she can get butch
a little bit, you know.

I feel so badass right now.

Lesbian biker realness.

You know, the Village People

have really changed
since I was a kid.

Up next, Willow Pill.

These are the lips I dream of.

Now, she's a real filler queen.

This look is inspired
by Donatella Versace,

Amanda Lepore, Bjork,
Cruella de Vil.

I'm having so much fun
with my little opera glasses,

peering at the judges
and cackling at them,

like, muahahaha.

And I know this is what
Michelle wants to look like

in about a hundred years.

Mary, Queen of Scats.

Angeria Paris VanMicheals.

Whose lime is it anyway?

She's not just wearing
a tutu, ladies and gentlemen,

she is wearing a tutu gown,

because you know I gotta do
my Angeria thing, honey.

There are four layers
of tutus on my dress.

I am tutu much for you,
and you cannot take it.

Oh!

She put the lime in the coconut.

Daya Betty.

Hold me closer,
not-so-tiny dancer.

Now, that is what I call

a tutu by four-four.

This entire outfit

is made
out of recycled materials.

The jacket is a thrifted jacket.

The crown is a duct tape roll
covered in construction paper.

I'm wearing
11-inch platform heels.

This takes me from 6-3 to 7-3.

Well, 7-2
if you do the math correctly,

but who's good at math?

Uh, my eyes are up here.

No, no, keep going.
Up. Up here.

DeJa Skye.

This is pastel-oquent.

Katy Perry's sister Aqua Perry.

I love pastel.

It looks so good
on my melanated skin.

I basically want to be like
if I had prom in Candy Land.

I wanted to feel adorable.

Simple, gorgeous dress.

Now, this queen
is a really big teal.

Lady Camden.

Pas de, oh, yes, she betta deux.

How can I come here

and not wear my dream tutu?

The first time
I ever saw a ballet,

everything that I saw

was sparkling
like an absolute dream,

and so I'm giving you
that full fantasy.

Just floating down the runway,

pushing stars into space,

ballerina to the max.

She's tutu legit to tutu quit.

♪ The world is your runway ♪

Welcome, ladies.

It's time for the judges'
critiques,

starting with Bosco.

Well, for starters, I hate
all you fucking bitches.

No, listen, here's the deal.

If you're gonna do a roast,
you've gotta go there.

I mean, you crockpot me

till my meat
is falling off the bone.

That's what I want.

Mmm!

Bosco, not only did you have

a strong stage presence
out there,

you also knew
the structure of a joke:

setup, punchline.

You took all of the notes
that me and Michelle gave you,

and you applied them very well.

And you fucking smashed it.

Thank you.

This outfit,
I absolutely love it.

The split in the hair
with the curl, Miss Ma'am.

There's a concept,
and it's fun and it's edgy.

Very cutting edge look.

Good night for you.
You were very funny.

- Very good.
- Thank you.

Up next, it's Jorgeous.

This is really fun,
it's really edgy,

very kind of early Madonna.

I could see her in that.

I think you struggled
a little bit in the roast.

It just felt like you never
really got your footing.

In rehearsal,
you looked defeated,

like you just wanted to give up,

and we didn't want you
to give up.

So your delivery was good,
but you pulled back.

When you come up here,
you're talking to us

like you're kiki-ing
with any of your homegirls.

I don't think you were able
to connect that.

Did you have fun doing it?

Honestly, I did not have fun
whatsoever doing it.

Aw!

Yeah, yeah.

It was like when Bosco
introduced me,

like, I was already about
to, like, burst out in tears.

Yeah. Well, it should have
been fun, because at one point,

you realize that you
can't take life too seriously.

You know, have fun with it.

Anyway, thank you.

Thank you.

Up next, it's Willow Pill,

and she has never looked
more beautiful.

You came out really strong
in the roast,

and I was laughing right away.

I love how you think,
and that was on display.

Of course,
you could have gone further.

You know, I really want you
to give it to me.

This, however, delicious.

This is, like, Pete Burns,
rest in peace.

Everything about it
is just glamorous.

Just a fabulous look.
Oh, my goodness.

In the roast, did you have fun?
Did you laugh at yourself?

I was terrified, because
I'm not really, like,

a ba-dum-tchh kind of comedian.

Yeah.

It's hard to speak
in these lips.

Up next, Angeria.

What I loved about your roast
was your confidence.

Were you the funniest queen? No.

But you sold it like
you were the headliner.

And when your jokes didn't hit,
it only was for a second,

and you were just like,
okay, next.

There are comics
that cannot do that.

For this look, mm, gimme.

Do you know why
I love this color?

Why?

Because God didn't intend

for anyone
to ever wear this color.

Which takes it to drag.

I love an unnatural color.

I'm stealing that wig.

Just come to Atlanta and get it.

Oh, girl, I know you
got that wig from Atlanta.

Imma go to my mama house
and get it.

All right, up next,
it's Daya Betty.

Listen, I like this because

sometimes when people wanna
do distressed, they go too far.

Yeah.

And this is just, hey, listen,

I'm in the ballet.

I got a good job,
but also, I got the tights on.

Are there holes in 'em?

You gonna gimme my check.

I came to work,
stop playing with me.

I understand this girl.

You know how I could tell

that you were a little nervous
during the roast?

How?

First thing you said
was, "I'm nervous."

Yeah.

I just wasn't on board
from the get-go

because you told me not to be.

Did I stop you and say,

"Don't tell me
what you don't have.

- Tell me what you do have?"
- You did.

So when you said you're nervous,

you broke the fourth wall,
you broke the illusion.

I think tonight you got lost.

I think the jokes
were way too long.

Looked great.
Delivery, not so great.

I was trying so hard
not to get nervous.

Like, I was really trying
to, like, slow down.

I have a tendency to talk
really fast sometimes, so...

Yeah, yeah.

It's interesting when you
second guess what's the obvious.

Be a star, you know?

- Okay. Yeah.
- You know?

- All right, thanks.
- Thank you guys.

Up next, DeJa Skye.

Tonight, I think from here up,
you look so beautiful.

I think the fit of this dress
is where I'm having a problem.

The top is very kind of...

- Weird, yeah.
- Yeah.

It just looks like
it's falling off up here.

- Let's talk about the roast.
- Okay.

The issue was
when you roast somebody,

you've gotta tell the truth
and then put the spin on it.

What you just gave us
were kind of facts.

My voice is so high-pitched
a dog can hear it. Fact.

And so I was waiting
for the twist.

So you could have gone

Ross Mathews' voice is so high,

he makes Paul Lynde
sound like Morgan Freeman.

It felt like you didn't take
any of me and Michelle's notes,

and me and Michelle
didn't get dressed

just to not have
somebody listen to us,

because we came
to help you, girl.

We told you what to do,
what to work on,

and you did the ones
we told you not to do,

and they didn't land.

I did add a joke
that you Xed out

just because
I really kind of liked it.

But even your opening joke,
we said mm-mm,

and you opened with it anyway.

Right.
I'm not, like, a comedian.

I don't consider myself
a comedian.

Yeah, but we're all
kind of clowns, you know.

Do you have things that
you say in your nightclub act

or when you're hosting?

Oh, yeah. I love saying, like,
gay boys, can I get a yes?

And then I do this thing.
I'll say, like,

let me feminize my voice
for this one.

Where are all
my straight boys at?

And so it just... okay, great.

Yeah. Yeah.

All right, thank you.
Up next, Lady Camden.

You started so strong
with the roast,

I was really on board with you
from the get-go.

Your delivery,
the way you looked was great.

I did really enjoy your set.

You did have just those little
cheeky moments that I did like.

But that asshole echo.

You know that joke didn't work.

But tonight,
this look is just glamour.

I was so hoping
that you'd give us

the full ballerina fantasy
tonight.

- Oh, good.
- Especially when it was tutu.

I love that
you didn't do ballet hair.

You gave us glamour hair,
and it just makes it drag.

And the appliqué on your skin
is so stunning.

I think you had a really
strong night tonight, Camden.

Listen, I'm just gonna echo
everything everyone else said.

Oh, echo. Sorry.

Too soon?

It's probably too soon, yeah.

- Too soon.
- You look beautiful.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, ladies.
I think we've heard enough.

While you untuck
in the werkroom,

the judges and I
will deliberate.

We are getting down to it
in this compe... what? tition.

Now, just between
us squirrel friends,

let's start with Bosco.

Well, she came out tonight,
and she slayed the house down.

And this from a queen

who, if it weren't
for a golden candy bar,

wouldn't even be here this week.

- That's right.
- Fact.

- Right?
- Yeah. Yeah.

So I love a story of someone
who rises from the ashes.

Strong night for Bosco.

Jorgeous.

Before she even opened
her mouth, she was defeated,

and she brought us down
with her.

It was uncomfortable.

She is a humongous star.

- Mm-hmm.
- The sky is the limit for her.

But in this competition,

you have to have every skill set
to make it to the end.

- Willow Pill.
- Ooh, baby.

Can we talk about that runway
for two hot seconds?

The lips.
Did I get 'em? No.

Do I want 'em? Yes.

I love that extreme look.

It may be my favorite look
of the evening.

I thought her comedy
was good enough

to give us some strong laughs
in there.

I love Willow,

and not just because she
called me a handsome lesbian.

I just think
she is so interesting.

Angeria.

She came into that rehearsal,

and she was convinced
that her jokes were hilarious.

They weren't.

I laughed at Angeria's jokes,

even though
they weren't that funny.

I love when somebody laughs
at their own jokes,

because when they do that,
it sucks us in.

She was selling the jokes.

Even the ones that didn't land,
I still wanted to hear 'em.

Daya Betty.

On the opposite end
of the spectrum,

Daya Betty said straightaway
she was nervous,

and then we were like, oh, dear.

And then it kind of
went nowhere.

- Yeah.
- She could have sold it.

I never would have thought in
a million years she was nervous.

Because Daya Betty
in Daytona Wind,

she was a rock star.

She came out defeated,

and it showed, unfortunately,
in this challenge tonight.

DeJa Skye.

When DeJa walked out,

she was giving drag
early Roseanne, Brett Butler,

and she didn't deliver.

She had specific jokes
that she wanted to do,

and Dulcé and I were like, no,
that actually is not funny.

Get rid of it.

She did all those jokes.

Yeah.

On the runway, this
didn't work for me, either.

I got tulle.
I got no tutu from that.

Yeah, the prom dress
that doesn't fit.

It wouldn't have taken much
to just take in that top.

Clip it.
We all got clamps on.

Yeah, I wouldn't have a career
without a clamp.

Mm, I'm clamping right now.

Lady Camden.

The roast, she took the notes,
she did it.

She had a strong set,

but oddly, the one that we were
trying to work out with her,

the echo joke,

we not only told her
that it wasn't funny,

but she decided
to add two more goes of it.

She was determined
to yell "hello"

into Ross Mathews' asshole.

I kind of didn't mind,

because she's just got
this delivery that's so smooth.

She is a queen who has
every skill it takes

to find herself in the end
of this competition.

All right, silence.

I've made my decision.

Bring back my girls.

Irls, irls.

Girls, girl.

Girls, girlth. Girls.

My butthole.

Welcome back, ladies.

I've made some decisions.

Lady Camden.

You're safe,
you're safe, you're safe.

Bitch.

You may step
to the back of the stage.

Bosco.

Tonight you really cut through.

Con-drag-ulations. You're the
winner of this week's challenge.

You've won a cash prize
of $5.000.

Oh.

I was essentially told
to go home last week,

and I come back
and I knock it out of the park

and I feel like
a fucking rock star.

Willow Pill.

You're safe.

Angeria Paris VanMicheals.

You're safe.

Thank you.

Daya Betty.

You are a towering talent,

but in the roast,
you came up short.

Jorgeous.

You're one tender queen,

but your roast was tough.

DeJa Skye.

You're a queen
with a lot of flavor,

but your roast made me
wanna order a pizza.

I'm sorry, my dears,
but all three of you

are up for elimination.

Holy shit.

Three queens stand before me.

In a moment, I'll ask
one of you to shantay

and two of you...

Fuck.

To sashay away.

Ladies, this is your last chance
to impress me

and save yourself
from elimination.

The time has come...

for you to lip sync...

for your life!

There's some moments
where I'm, like, fuck.

Like, I can't do this
no more, you know?

But, like, this is what I do,
and Imma turn it.

Good luck, and don't fuck it up.

♪ Good for you ♪

♪ I guess you moved on
really easily ♪

♪ You found a new girl ♪

♪ And it only took
a couple weeks ♪

♪ Remember when you said ♪

♪ That you wanted
to give me the world? ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ And good for you ♪

♪ I guess that you've
been working on yourself ♪

♪ I guess that therapist
I found for you ♪

♪ She really helped ♪

♪ Now you can be a better man
for your brand-new girl ♪

♪ Well, good for you,
you look happy and healthy ♪

♪ Not me,
if you ever cared to ask ♪

♪ Good for you ♪

♪ You're doing great
out there without me ♪

♪ I guess good for you ♪

♪ Well, good for you ♪

♪ I guess you're getting
everything you want ♪

♪ You bought a new car ♪

♪ And your career's
really taking off ♪

♪ It's like
we never even happened ♪

♪ Baby, what the...
is up with that? ♪

♪ And good for you ♪

♪ It's like
you never even met me ♪

♪ Remember when
you swore to God ♪

♪ I was the only person
who ever got you? ♪

♪ Well, screw that
and screw you ♪

♪ You will never have to hurt
the way you know that I do ♪

♪ Well, good for you,
you look happy and healthy ♪

♪ Not me,
if you ever cared to ask ♪

♪ Good for you ♪

♪ You're doing great
out there without me, baby ♪

♪ God, I wish
that I could do that ♪

♪ I've lost my mind,
I've spent the night... ♪

The song's about
being pissed off,

so I can really tap into that.

Survival is the only option
at this point.

♪ Maybe I'm too emotional ♪

♪ Your apathy
is like a wound in salt... ♪

I am the only person
in this competition

that has been told that
I am the lip sync assassin.

So don't get it twisted,
bitches.

I can lip sync the house down.

♪ You're doing great out there
without me, baby ♪

♪ Like a damn sociopath ♪

♪ I've lost my mind,
I've spent the night ♪

♪ Crying on the floor
of my bathroom ♪

♪ But you're so unaffected,
I really don't get it ♪

♪ But I guess good for you ♪

♪ Well, good for you, I guess
you moved on really easily ♪

Love you guys.

Ladies, I've made my decision.

Daya Betty, shantay you stay.

Oh, my God.

Congrats, sister.

You better do it, bitch.

Thank you, guys.

I am gonna keep doing what
I've been doing from week one.

I'm going to bounce back
and get to the top.

Jorgeous.

DeJa Skye.

Your dragtastic journey
has only just begun.

I love you so much.
Thank you for everything.

Thank you.

And thank you guys so much.

I really do appreciate it.

Thank you.

Now sashay away.

- Aow!
- Aow!

Love you, guys.

- I love y'all so much.
- Love you.

Bitches, you have the power

to do whatever
y'all wanna do, and...

Remember to embrace the curve.

I'll see you at the buffet.

Goodbyeteous!

- I love you!
- Love you!

- Sister.
- Sister friend.

I always say será, será,
whatever's for me is for me,

and I faltered tonight.

RuPaul, thank you so much
for believing in me,

and honestly, the first thing
that I do when I get home,

I'm gonna smoke a fat-ass blunt.

Let's hit it!

Con-drag-ulations, ladies.

And remember,
if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell
you gonna love somebody else?

Can I get an "amen" up in here?

- Amen!
- Amen!

All right.
Now let the music play.

♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Playing
with the game of love ♪

♪ Oh, baby, playing
with the game of love ♪

♪ Winner ♪

Next time
on RuPaul's Drag Race...

You'll be starring
in the music video Catwalk.

Everybody is gunning
for that top four,

so it's like, girl, you might
not wanna fuck this up.

I'm sorry, my dears,
but you are up for elimination.

I need a diaper.

♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Oh, winner, baby ♪

♪ Oh, winner, baby ♪

♪ Oh, winner, baby ♪

♪ Oh, playing with
the game of love ♪

♪ Oh, winner, baby ♪

♪ Oh, baby, playing
with the game of love ♪

♪ Winner ♪

♪ MTV ♪