Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In (1967–1973): Season 1, Episode 11 - Episode #1.11 - full transcript
(bright music)
- [Announcer] The following
program is brought to you
in living color on NBC.
- And now, here is tonight's
celebrity jackpot question.
What did Napoleon
really mean when he said,
"Not tonight, Josephine?"
(laughter)
- I believe I can explain that.
(laughter)
- I gonna sock it to you.
Mm hmm, that's what I gonna do.
(laughter)
- My name is Loretta
Young and I am a secret.
(laughter)
- Hey, was that Jim Garner?
Nah, couldn't be.
(laughter)
- Fellow did a talk like
that'd ride side saddle.
(laughter)
- And now, from the
edge of town right here
in the center of beautiful
downtown Burbank,
NBC presents Rowan
and Laugh-In's Martin!
(applause)
Starring Dan Rowan.
And Dick Martin.
With guest stars Pamela Austin.
Flip Wilson.
John Byner.
And Judy Carne.
Artie Johnson.
With Eileen Brennan, Ruth Buzzi,
Henry Gibson,
Goldie Hawn,
Larry Hovis,
Roddy Maude-Roxby,
Jo Anne Worley,
yours truly Gary
Owens, and Morgul
as the friendly Drelb.
- Tonight's program
is brought to you
by the people
wonderful down at from.
(laughter)
(cheery music)
- And now, despite all
the calls that are continuing
to come in, here are Dan
Rowan and the tintilating
Dick Martin.
(applause)
- Thank you.
- Good evening.
You gonna say
hello to the folks?
- Hello to the folks.
- You seem pretty excited
about tonight's show.
- You bet your sweet bippy I am.
- Yeah well good, looks
like we have a dandy.
- Well any time we got
Pam Austin on the show
we got a dandy.
- Yeah.
(laughter)
You really go for her, huh?
- Not as much as
she goes for me.
- Well now Pam's
a very nice girl,
which right away means
that she's not really your type.
(laughter)
- Well I guess any girl who
comes over to my house
at 3 o'clock in the
morning, breaks in,
and says she
can't live without me
is pretty much my type.
Huh!
- [Dan] Pam did that?
- No, but it's a nice
thought, isn't it?
(laughter)
- Be a little more believable
the other way around.
You probably did that.
- I would never break
into a girl's house
at 3 o'clock in the morning.
- Well I am
delighted to hear that.
- I've broken out
of a few at 3 o'clock.
(laughter)
- Come on now, let's
talk about the show.
We have such a dandy show...
- Last night I (mumbles).
- I wanna talk about the show.
- Last night, yeah.
- I wanna talk about the show.
- There was this blonde.
- You don't mind if we
talk about the show?
- Go right ahead, I'm
talking about the show,
I just promised this blonde
I'd get her on the show,
that's all.
(laughter)
- What does she do?
- Anything you want.
(laughter)
- Now come on, Dick.
Does she entertain?
- You wouldn't believe.
(laughter)
- Well how, what do you mean?
- She got some of the
wildest tattoos you ever saw.
- Tattoos?
- Be great in new talents.
- Don't wanna hear about it,
no, I don't wanna hear about...
- Her World War Two is a beauty.
(laughter)
- Not interested.
- She's got an Iwo
Jima that won't quit.
(laughter)
When they plant that
flag you'll think about it
for weeks to come.
(laughter)
- Flip Wilson.
- Flip Wilson planted a flag?
- No, no, what do you
think about Flip Wilson?
- Oh, one of the
funniest guys around.
- Well I'm glad to
hear you say that
because he's here tonight.
- You're kidding?
- No, would I kid you?
- Ooh, then we got a great show.
- Oh, we got all the
regular gang here.
- Just about the
greatest bunch of cuckoos
you ever saw in your life.
- Oh hi.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is one of our regular
cast members,
Miss Jo Anne Worley.
(applause)
- Hi Jo, we were
just talking about you.
- Yes, I know you were.
Now please, for
myself, I'm not sensitive
but do you mind?
The others, they really don't
like to be called cuckoos.
- Oh, see?
What did I tell you?
- If that's the way
everybody feels
I'll just never mention
the word cuckoo again.
- You won't?
- No.
- Oh you promise?
- Promise.
- Well thank you.
Oh thank you, Dan.
You're so handsome.
(laughing)
No, no, we really do appreciate
not being cuckoos.
Everybody really
wants to thank you.
Judy, Goldie, Ruth, and
Eileen, and Henry, and Roddy,
and Artie, and Larry, and
Gary, we all thank you.
Because you don't know
what it meant for weeks,
hearing you call us cuckoos.
It kinda, you know,
drove us crazy
wondering if well
maybe really if down deep
we were cuckoos.
(laughter)
But we're not, right?
No more cuckoo!
- Drop the net!
- Oh you don't know
what it means to us,
really, thank you guys,
thank you, appreciate it.
(applause)
- Jo Anne Worley.
Yes that's a Jo
Anne Worley, folks.
- She's just one of
our regular cuckoos.
(laughter)
- What am I gonna do with you?
- Take me to the party, I guess.
- Hey, that's not a bad idea.
Like take you along too.
Come on, let's go.
(applause)
(groovy music)
- Mr. Jessel, what are
all those medals for?
- Well this was is for Korea,
this one's for World War Two,
and this is for appearing
on the Ed Sullivan Show.
(laughter)
- I just found out Adam
and Eve were never married.
Do you know what
that makes all of us?
(laughter)
- General De Gaulle you
know has nuclear weapons
pointed in every direction.
- Finally found out
who is friends are, huh?
(groovy music)
- Texas has produced
some great men.
Sam Houston, Sam
Austin, and Lyndon Johnson.
Now two out of three ain't bad.
(laughter)
(groovy music)
- I don't think they
should have glorified
Bonnie and Clyde, I mean he
was obviously homogeneous
and she was an out
and out pyromaniac.
(laughter)
- Well that's because
people are confused.
Like every time I ask
someone what time it is
they tell me
something different.
(laughter)
(groovy music)
- I am in favor of keeping
the church up to date,
but I question the need
for a loose leaf bible.
(laughter)
(groovy music)
- I've got everything
a man could want,
so why am I a woman?
(laughter) (groovy music)
- All I really want is a
woman to love and a mother
for my children and
I just hope the two
never meet each other.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- You should have heard
the speech Rev Brown
gave in our
neighborhood last night.
It was a riot.
(laughter)
- Boris is in favor of
the two party system.
Just as long as they're
both at my place.
(laughter)
(groovy music)
- It is said the
moving finger writes
and having writ,
moves on, but what then
of the dancing maiden
and her strange baubles?
(laughter)
- Mr. Sullivan?
Where'd you get
all those medals?
- Well it's so darn
nice of you to ask.
This is for Korea, this
is for World War Two,
and this is for having
Georgie Jessel on our network.
(laughter)
- I hear on Malibu Beach
this summer they're insisting
on one piece bathing suits.
I just wonder do they
mean the top or the bottom?
(laughter)
- Say, is Harold Wilson
in the conservative party?
- No, he's in labor, and
we've waited two years
for him to deliver.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- My boyfriend and I
enjoyed in the heat of the night
so much next week
we're gonna see the movie.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- Yesterday I bought a new car.
Today I bought
a new horn for it.
Herb Alpert.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- I'm all for updating
the wedding ceremony,
but I still think I do is
better than yeah, baby.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- My doctor said I had to
cut down on my love life.
I said talking about
it or thinking about it?
(laughter) (groovy music)
- Do you ever get uptight?
- No, but sometimes I
go to bed a little loaded.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- 300 years we been praying
on getting in your schools
and now that we're in, they
pass a law against praying.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- For my birthday Boris
gave me a Polish goldfish.
It drowned.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- In the words of the Maharishi,
he who sifteth the
sands of the desert
has naught but a load of grit.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- Georgie, what do
you consider to be
one of your greatest feats?
- Going with Kay Smith
and Annette Funicello
in the same lifetime.
(laughter) (groovy music)
(applause)
- And now folks, it's
sock it to me time.
- [Chanting Voices] Sock
it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me.
(laughter)
- Ha ha, he missed.
- Sock it to me, sock
it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to yourself.
(laughter)
(cheery music)
(laughter)
- Very interesting.
- That fellow is very
good but what an accent.
(laughter)
- I'm sorry Mr. Carter,
but I'm not the type of girl
who goes out with
the first man who asks.
(laughter)
- The sky is falling!
The sky is falling!
- Oh don't be ridiculous,
the sky's not falling.
- It isn't?
- No.
- The sky is not
falling! (laughter)
The sky is not falling!
- Oh Freddie, please come home.
I'm just so lonesome
without you.
Last night Jim came over
and we talked about you
all night long, just talk,
talk, talking, talking.
(laughter)
- Cherry.
- Now here's where
we have some real fun.
- Aha!
They opened the bar.
- No, this is when we
bring you undiscovered stars
of tomorrow today.
- Oh, it's new talent time.
- Yep.
Yes friends, it's
new talent time.
- I already said
it's new talent time.
(chuckles)
- Yes, as Dick has told
you, it's new talent time.
- Hey, isn't the band
supposed to play a fanfare
when we say it's
new talent time?
- Yes, as a matter of
fact the band is supposed
to play a fanfare any
time they hear us say
it's new talent time.
(fanfare)
- Ah.
- Yes sir, now wasn't
that worth waiting for?
- Yes, it's new talent
time, when Laugh-In
offers a showcase for beginners.
- Starting with the band.
- No, as a matter of fact
starting with a young man
who's a regular viewer, he
dropped by the studio today
and he's just dying
to be on the show
and he's gonna be here.
- What does he do?
- No, as a matter
of fact he doesn't.
He plays the telephone.
- Well bring him out?
- Oh, I couldn't be more
happy to bring him out,
ladies and gentlemen,
Laugh-In takes great pride
in presenting the world's
foremost telephone player,
Mr. David Lipp.
(applause)
- Sock it to me, sock
it to me, sock it to me.
(laughter)
- Mr. Lipp, I've never
heard of anyone
playing the telephone before.
- Well there aren't
many out there,
he's the only one
that I've ever found
as a matter of fact.
- A lot of people think it's
just a rhythm instrument.
(laughter)
No, I hear songs.
- Well Mr. Lipp, you
only have one minute
so I'll leave you with,
I know you're dying
to hear him play the phone.
- Very interesting.
(laughter)
Yes, oh good night
Dick, who's Dick?
Here come the judge,
sock it to me, sock it to me!
(laughter)
I watch you every Tuesday.
- Yeah, you just socked
it to me, didn't you, Dan?
- He's a nice guy.
- Nice, yes, yes.
Tell me, I wouldn't think
there's much music available
for the telephone.
- Oh, anywhere
there's a phonebook.
- Uh huh?
- Sure, any city.
- You play right out
of the phonebook?
- Mm hmm, go into a booth.
(laughing)
And no more chicken jokes.
(laughing)
- You are a fan, aren't you?
- Yes, sock it to
me, sock it to me!
And that one guy at the end.
(clapping)
- Yeah, that's good, isn't it?
- What are you gonna
play tonight for us?
- Mr. Martin, if
I have the time,
tonight I'd like
to play selections
from the greater beautiful
Burbank area yellow pages.
(laughter)
(phone ringing)
- Excuse me.
Mm hmm.
Ah, it's for you.
- Me?
- Yes.
You only got about a minute, so.
- Hello?
Okay, thanks.
No, didn't I ask
you not to call me
while I'm working?
Didn't I?
Why do you always have
to call me when I'm working?
(laughter)
I don't want to say that.
Why do you always, I'm running
out of time, please hang up,
I'll call you after the show.
I don't wanna say it.
Alright, I love you Mama.
Now hang up.
(laughter)
Do I have any time left?
- You've time for one number.
- Thank you.
- It's alright.
(crying)
That was a beautiful number.
(applause)
I'm gonna get you
for that someday, Dan.
(laughing)
- Hey speaking of dummies.
- Who, where, where?
- No no, right here.
We are going to share
with you the ventriloquial
vicisitudes of the very
vital, virile, vivifying virago
of ventriloquialism, the
one and only Lucky Pierre.
- Huh. (applause)
- You have anything
to add to that?
- No, let him go
ahead and dance.
- Bonjour, bonjour.
A few weeks ago on this
program one of my dummies
fell apart all over the stage.
But tonight I have brought a
very dear old friend of mine,
100 years old out of
retirement to help me
with my comeback.
(coughing)
Are you sure you're
alright to do this with me?
You positive we can?
Alright.
Tell me, who was that lady
I saw you with last night?
(wheezing)
(laughter)
Are you alright?
(coughing)
I asked you the question,
mine was a blonde,
yours was a brunette,
(speaking French)?
(wheezing) (laughter)
Water, need some water.
Here, here, you'll be alright.
Here, take that, take that,
you'll be much better.
Here, take that water.
There there there there there.
There, that's much better.
Now, what did you do
afterwards when you got home?
(wheezing) (laughter)
No wait, wait, please.
(sighs) (laughter)
Cognac!
Quickly!
(laughter)
(bright music) (applause)
- He's not the luckiest
ventriloquist I ever saw.
- That's the reason they
call him Lucky Pierre.
- I guess so, yeah.
Moving right along.
- Hey, wait, hold it.
You have an apology to make.
- I do?
- Yeah, last week you introduced
a camel with two humps.
- I did that, huh?
- Yeah.
- I don't recall, I guess I
must have if you say so.
- Well you introduced a
camel with two humps.
- Alright, I'm sorry.
- No no, that's not what
you have to apologize for.
You called it a dromedary.
- I went right ahead and
called it a dromedary, eh?
- Yes, you see many animal
lovers have written in to tell us
that a dromedary
only has one hump.
- One hump.
I had no idea that a
dromedary only has one hump.
- See, it's the bactrian
that has two humps.
- Oh, good for them.
Let's hear it for the bactrian!
- No no no, you see,
it slipped right by me.
I never realized that a
bactrian had two humps.
- Well you would if you
were another bactrian.
(laughter)
You could spot it right away.
- You've apologized?
- Yes.
- And now direct from the
Dobritch International Circus
now at the Los
Angeles Sports Arena...
- Which is right in the
center of the outskirts
of beautiful downtown Burbank.
(laughter)
- Or thereabouts.
Here's one of the foremost
precision animal acts
in circus history,
ladies and gentlemen,
the famous Stebbing's dog.
(applause)
(goofy music)
(dogs barking)
(applause)
Really wanna see a great trick?
- Me too.
- Yeah well those
dogs love to play ball.
- Me too.
- Well good, why don't
you take this out there
and play with them?
- That's a good idea.
- Okay, have a nice time.
(goofy music)
(dogs barking)
See Dick.
See the ball.
See the dogs see
the ball with Dick.
(laughter)
See the dogs jump on Dick.
Isn't that fun, Dick?
The dogs are hungry.
(applause)
(shouting)
(laughter)
(balloons popping)
(applause)
Folks, tune in next week
for more of Dick and his dogs.
- And now, number
one on your hit parade.
For the seventeenth
consecutive week.
(drumroll)
It's Tippy Tippy Tin.
(laughter)
(goofy music)
- I ever shave you before?
- Yes, once.
- It's funny, I don't
remember your face.
- Why should you?
It's all healed up now.
(laughter)
- [Voices Chanting] Sock
it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me.
- And now folks, it's
sock it to me time.
(laughter)
- Don't do it, Judy!
- We love you!
- Judy, don't do it!
(slicing)
- I don't mind,
fellas, you know me.
Anything for the show, eh.
(laughter)
- You take Marie
Antoinette, now there's a girl
who used her head.
- Come out here and
sock it to me, sock it to me.
(cheery music)
(laughter)
- 348, 349, I'm
getting sick and tired
of looking at coconuts.
(laughter)
- The sky is falling!
I gotta tell King Reagan!
The sky is falling!
I gotta tell King Reagan!
- Ronald Reagan isn't a king.
- No?
Then you tell him.
I'm having enough
trouble convincing him
that the sky is falling.
(laughter)
(goofy music)
(laughter)
- Soup.
- Time now to stop this
madness and bring you
the Rowan and Martin report.
When Ethel and I
just love it each week
when Laugh-In looks at the news.
Past present and
the, uh, future.
(upbeat music)
What's the news
Across the nation
We have got the information
In a way we hope will amuse you
We just love to
give you our views
La la la la Ladies and gents
Laugh-In looks at
the news Here's Dan
(applause)
- Now here's the
man doing the news,
wouldn't be the news without
the news, here's Dickie.
(applause)
- Ha.
May the good fairy fly
down your rain barrel.
(laughter)
Now for the news.
Draft director General
Hershey announced
next month's draft notices
went in the mail today
but may be delayed
due to the strike
in the Canadian post office.
(laughter)
In Paris, leading fashion
designer Yves Saint Laurent
revealed his new
floor-length skirt.
The press unanimously
agreed he looked stunning in it.
(laughter)
The recent purchase of the
Queen Mary by Long Beach,
the Polish Tourist
Bureau today put in a bid
for the Andrea Doria, the
Lusitania, and the Titanic.
(laughter)
And now, take it away Goldie.
- Laugh-In news of the
past present and future
continues now with news of
the future, present and past.
So take it away Dan
Rowan in the future.
(giggles)
- Saigon, 1988, General
Wes Moreland said today
there is no need to send
more troops to Vietnam.
However, he did call for
500,000 more advisors.
(laughter)
Birmingham, 1988, following
the withdrawal of many nations
from the Olympic Games
in protest of segregationist
countries, the games
now shape up as a battle
between South Africa,
Alabama, and Mississippi.
(laughter)
Washington DC, 1988.
Newly elected president
Nelson Rockefeller
was inaugurated today
and pledged to uphold
the principles of the
constitution of the United States
in spite of the fact
he is not a candidate.
(laughter)
- And now Laugh-In trips
merrily back to England
in 1776 for an interview
with King George the Third
whose popularity
just dropped 10 points
'cause of the war in
the American colonies.
(laughter)
- Your majesty, why is
England unable to win a war
against such an
underdeveloped country?
- My fellow Britains,
it is with a heavy heart
I have to tell you that
terrorists are ambushing
our borders at Lexington,
Concord, and other pacified areas
and then vanishing
into the underbrush.
(laughter)
- And why is the
war being escalated?
- We only escalate the
war to prove how much
we want a peaceful settlement.
(laughter)
And I will assure this, I
am willing to go anywhere
at any time to
negotiate a surrender.
- Your majesty, there
has been a lot of talk about
faulty British musketry.
- Well I can only say British
troops have been inflicting
heavy casualties.
- Where?
- Mostly among British troops.
(laughter)
- And your majesty, are we
bombarding civilian targets?
- Well, I will say again we
attack only military targets.
Why just yesterday when we
hit two more military schools,
three more military hospitals,
and another army and navy store.
(laughter)
- Final question, your majesty.
Why are we fighting this war?
- Why, it's
perfectly clear, son.
We're fighting to make the
world safe for aristocracy.
(laughter)
- Very interesting.
- The correct time is now
exactly 87 degrees and rising.
(laughter)
(goofy music)
- How come your
hands are so dirty?
- Nobody had a
shampoo yet today.
(laughter)
- Freddie, Freddie
please, come home.
Jim worked late last night,
if it hadn't been for Paul
I would have been
alone all night.
(laughter)
Alone by the telephone.
- Mink.
- Here come the judge.
- Who's there?
- Knock knock.
- Goldie, you're
doing it backwards.
- Oh.
(laughter)
- I just broke my glasses.
Do I have to be
examined all over?
- No, just your eyes.
(laughter)
- I don't know why all
the fuss about miniskirts.
They're only regular
skirts cut down to thighs.
(laughter)
- Here comes the judge!
The judge is coming, y'all.
(laughter)
- Here's something
you don't hear every day.
Merry Christmas!
- I just joined the YWCA.
- Oh silly, the
YWCA is for girls.
- So am I.
- Oh!
(laughter)
- I'm not kidding,
here comes the judge!
Here comes the judge!
(laughing)
- Listen, show me a
cow that won't give milk
and I'm gonna show
you an udder failure.
(laughter)
Least that wasn't one of
your regular chicken jokes.
- Show me a monk
who rips his clothes
and I'll show you
a holey (mumbles).
(laughter)
- Show me a girl who
enjoys a tramp in the woods
and I'll show you
a vagabond lover.
(laughter)
- Hit the ball, Willie!
- Here come the judge.
- My cousin's built
like Sofia Loren.
Boy is he embarrassed about it.
- Show me a fellow
with rings on his fingers
and bells on his toes
and I'll show you a fellow
who tinkles when he walks.
(laughter)
- Johnny (mumbles).
- Lyle Talbot.
(snaps)
- The second half of
Rowan Martin Laugh-In
is brought to you by.
(cheery music)
- Roses are red, violets
are blue, flowers are colored,
why ain't you?
(laughter)
- Very interesting,
but chauvinistic.
- [Voices Chanting] Sock
it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me.
- And now folks, it's
sock it to me time.
(sawing)
Oh, blimey.
He did it to me again.
- I know they're sorry.
(goofy music)
(laughter)
(light tropical music)
- But I don't understand
why my shirt would attract
more ships than your shirt.
(laughter)
- Very interesting.
But very provocative.
(laughter)
- Just a minute, barber,
could I have a glass of water?
- Thirsty?
- No, I'd like to see
if my throat leaks.
(laughter)
- Oh Freddie, I can't stand
another night without you,
life is so empty.
Why last night I would
have died of loneliness
without George, please,
please come back to me, Freddie.
Incidentally, George
owes you a bottle of scotch.
Oh my head.
(laughter)
(goofy music)
- We'll return to Lum
and Abner after this word
from your Packard dealer.
(silly music)
- Didn't I get my
last haircut here?
- I don't think so, we've
only been open two years.
(laughter)
(yawns)
- Hey, I just
thought of a wild way
to break the monotony.
(laughter)
- Here is today's fact.
Doctor Livingston, I presume
was Doctor Presume's full name.
(laughter)
- This camera has
double the value.
(laughter)
- Very interesting,
but it's a plug.
- [Voices Chanting] Sock
it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me.
- And now folks, it's
sock it to me time.
(thumping)
Well at least it's better
than getting hit in the face
with water every week, innit?
(splashes)
Oh it's not fair,
it's not nice, is it?
I mean I went through
the knife bit, didn't I?
- That's perfect.
Now let's do it one more time.
(laughter)
- Now listen and listen good.
- Oh sock it to me, sock
it to me, sock it to me.
- Smile when you say that.
(laughter)
(goofy music)
(light tropical music)
- Oh come on out honey,
who's gonna notice?
(laughter)
- Would you like
a manicure, sir?
- Yeah, but make it quick.
- Manicure for the
gentlemen, Glenda.
- Yes sir.
It'll be my pleasure.
(laughter)
(silly music)
- Freddie, Freddie I
can't live without you.
Heaven knows Jim,
Paul, Peter, and George,
they've all tried but I miss
you so Freddie, please,
please come home,
you're my only real love.
Please.
Oh Freddie, the
key is under the mat.
Yes, Herb is taking me to
Acapulco for the weekend.
(laughter)
- Yep, that's right,
tonight Mod Mod World
looks at the spirit
of adventure.
(upbeat music)
Well tonight as fellow over
there said just a minute ago,
we look at the Mod
Mod World of adventure.
- I'll drink to that.
- The spirit of adventure.
It's what made this
country great today.
- That did it, huh?
- Yep.
Everybody who came
over on the Mayflower had it,
Columbus had it, all
the pioneers had it.
- I had it last summer.
(laughter)
- You had what last summer?
- This rash all over my tum tum.
(laughter)
- What's that got to
do with adventure?
- If you knew how I got
that rash you wouldn't ask.
(laughter)
- I'm talking about
the spirit of adventure.
- Well so am I.
- Alright now then,
every famous American
has had to have the spirit.
- Name two.
- Alright, Lewis and Clark.
- I used to love them on
the Colgate Comedy Hour.
(laughter)
- That was Martin and Lewis.
I'm talking about
Lewis and Clark,
lived over 200 years ago.
- I thought that
guy looked very old
to come sliding down that
pole every Thursday night.
(laughter)
200 years, huh?
- Can I ask a question?
You plan to fool around or
are you gonna pay attention?
- Both.
- You can't do both.
- Well I intend to pay attention
now and after the show
I'm gonna fool around.
(laughter)
- Gonna pay attention now?
Very good, as long as
you're paying attention
I'd just like, we're
talking about adventure.
- Adventure.
- What do you know about
Alexander Graham Bell?
- He played the part of
Don Ameci in the movie.
- Paul Revere.
- He rode through Boston
without any clothes on.
(laughter)
- That was Lady Godiva.
- She rode through Boston
without any clothes on?
- No, she didn't ride through
but it happened in England.
- It happened in Boston
before it happened in England.
- Daniel Boone.
- Fast parker.
- No, no, great hunter.
- Tab Hunter.
- No no, Daniel Boone.
- Tall, good looking guy.
- No, he used to always
wear a coonskin hat.
- And white buckskin shoes?
- Now that's Pat Boone.
- Ah, (mumbles).
Richard Boone.
- You wanna try Mary Boone?
- Harvey Boone.
- No, no, no!
What about the Wright Brothers?
- They broke up.
(laughter)
- Who broke up?
- The Righteous Brothers.
- No no, I'm talking about
the pioneers of aviation,
Orville and Wilbur Wright.
- Oh, they were ahead
of Mary Poppins?
- Oh, way ahead.
Every time you take a trip
you owe it to Orville and Wilbur.
- That's what they'd
like you to believe.
(laughter)
- Hey, you talk about
spirit of adventure,
Charles Lindburgh,
now he really had
the spirit of adventure.
- I thought he had
the Spirit of St. Louis?
- Hey, you know
something about that.
Spirit of St. Louis, that's
the name of the plane.
First solo flight
across the Atlantic.
- No no no, that
was Jimmy Stewart.
(laughter)
- That was the movie.
- No no, I remember he
was eating peanut butter
sandwiches all through that.
- Well I'm happy you saw
the movie but you should
have read the book.
- Well it was too dark in
the movie to read the book.
- You used that
joke two weeks ago.
- Not if I were on the
Smothers Brothers I could.
(laughter)
- Do you know what man's
greatest adventure is today?
- You bet your sweet bippy I do.
(laughter)
- Alright, what?
- Well there's this lady...
- No no no, talking
about space travel.
You know the modern man
today can travel over 18,000
miles an hour?
- Pshaw.
- No sir, 18,000 miles an hour.
- Must be murder reading
those Burma Shave signs.
- You know what's slowing us
down on our trip to the moon?
- The sun.
- No no.
- The daughter?
(chuckling)
- The craters, craters.
- Craters?
- Craters on the moon, it's
dangerous to land on the moon
because of the craters.
- Oh craters!
Here come the judge,
here come the judge,
(laughter)
here come the judge,
here come the judge.
- Judge Crater.
- Judge Crater, I
thought of that too.
- Now that Dick's
cleared up the subject
let's take a squint at the
Mod Mod World of adventure.
- And a peanut butter sandwich?
(laughter)
(groovy music)
- Adventure, for many young
women, is found in teaching.
And what more rewarding
experience can there be
for anyone then to fight
the battle against ignorance?
Armed only with ingenuity,
training, and the tools
of knowledge.
(banging) (crying out)
(laughter)
- What we have here is
a failure to communicate.
(shouting)
- Nowhere is the spirit
of adventure more evident
than in the field of sports.
- I'm here with Jesse Rafer
of the US Olympic team.
Jesse, I understand your
appearance in the Olympics
is rather significant.
- Yes, that's right, I'm
the first negro athlete
the University of
Mississippi has ever had
on its track team.
- Well that's wonderful.
What is your specialty
at Mississippi?
- I'm a javelin catcher.
(laughter)
(groovy music)
- Well Mrs. Talbot, I'd
say you're about to begin
woman's greatest adventure.
- Oh no, I've already had
woman's greatest adventure.
- Really Mrs. Talbot, when?
- Oh, about nine months ago.
(laughter)
- Oh?
- Yes it was the most beautiful
wedding you've ever seen.
(laughter)
- It gonna be alright
when the judge get here.
He know what to do.
- Throughout history there
have been many brave women,
perhaps none braver
than those ladies
in the entertainment field
who travel to the troubled
spots of the world to
entertain our troops.
Ladies like the
Traveillsa sisters.
Mister why'd you call
and what you doing tonight
(singing drowned out by
explosions and gunfire)
(screaming)
- You guys think this is bad,
wait'll we get to Vietnam!
(laughter)
- How I saved a baby rhino
from slipping in the quicksand.
Whilst in search of my
fountain pen last summer
along the Amazon River.
By Henry Gibson.
With great difficulty.
(laughter)
(groovy music)
- [Radio Announcer] Word
has just been released
that the first
astronaut to the moon
has just come back,
he's safe and sound.
(screams)
- Oh darling, oh
darling, oh darling,
thank heavens you're back!
I've been going out of my mind!
The sink is stopped up.
(laughter)
- The sink?
- Well I think I shoved the
broom handle down there
and now I can't
get the broom out,
if you could just
take a look at it.
- Wait a minute!
Don't you realize?
I have just come
back from the moon!
I have stood on the
ageless dust of the moon!
- Did you wipe your feet
off when you came in?
(laughter)
- Wipe my feet?
- I told you I can't sweep.
The broom is stuck in the sink.
- I have just traveled
500,000 miles
through the vacuum
of complete space!
Don't you know what a vacuum is?
- How should I know?
You never got me one.
(laughter)
All we've got is a broom
and it's stuck in the sink.
- And for this I went two
months through the silence
of outer space.
- Two months of silence.
Well I had the two kids,
not one minute's silence.
Do you know what it's
like to have two kids,
not one minute's silence,
and a broom stuck in the sink?
(laughter)
- Don't say that again!
- Oh no no no,
don't you worry about
our little earth problems.
You're just too busy
going to the moon.
(laughter)
- Look, how often do I go?
- But you went!
And I stayed here!
You never take me
anywhere anymore!
(laughter)
- So this is my homecoming.
All my hopes, my plans,
my dreams, everything,
down the drain.
- Oh no no no, darling.
You mustn't say that.
It's not true.
Nothing's gone down the drain.
It can't go down the drain.
- [Both] There's a
broom in the sink.
(laughter)
(groovy music)
Men believe adventure
is some great athletic feat
Women have adventures
merely walking down the street
Every day it rears its ugly head
The spirit of adventure
For a lady isn't dead
Secretaries have an awful plight
Every day the
boss puts up a fight
First I take dictation
then he sits me on his lap
When I'm busy typing
then he sets his little trap
When I'm filing he attacks
And many is the slap
Secretaries have an awful plight
Nursing isn't what it used to be
No once it merely
served humanity
Now a guy in 509
gives out a painful yell
He must be in agony
as far as I can tell
When he grabs my derriere
I know he's getting well
Nursing isn't what it used to be
Tell you to be a bunny
Ain't milk and honey
I mean the things you have
to do to earn your money
Avoiding pinches
Escaping clinches
The day a man becomes a drinker
He's an automatic
stinker Automatic stinker
Oh, adventure on the highway
Why did I become a meter maid
Every day I'm
getting more afraid
When I'm checking parking
meters I'm a timid lass
When I'm out in traffic I
start putting on the gas
Give a guy a ticket and
he tries to make a pass
Why did I become a
meter maid Oh listen
If you're a starlet
You're labeled harlot
And every man becomes
a bounder and a varlet
The many perils
From Dicks and Darryls
A man becomes a big producer
and he's now a mad seducer
Now a mad seducer Listen now
Housewives have
adventures every day
When the darling husband is away
When you meet the postman
He starts acting like a louse
And the new exterminator's
playing cat and mouse
Then you greet the milkman
who is hot for playing house
Housewives have
adventures every day
Life can be serene
Life can make a fuss
But at certain times
it gets dangerous
And you think some days
you should have stayed in bed
The spirit of
adventure isn't dead
(applause)
- Now be that as it may,
friends, let's move along now
to potpourri.
- How do you spell that?
- P-O-T-P-O-U-R-R-I.
- Then it's pot-pourri.
- No, the T is silent.
- How's that?
- Well the T silent
happens in many words
for example Robert Goulet.
T is silent.
- I didn't know that.
- Sure, many words, of
French origin especially,
end in ET but you just
don't pronounce the T.
- I see.
Well thanks a lot.
- Where you going?
- I've got to go to the toi-lay.
(laughter)
- As I said friends
now time for pot-porry.
(playing piano)
It's a quarter to three
There's no one in the place
Except you and me
- Bored, really bored.
(laughter)
- Oh!
Oh, how could you?
Oh no no no,
don't try to explain.
This is the end.
I'm going home to mother.
- Oh darling, I'm so sorry.
- It's all very well for you,
anyone can get a wife.
I just lost the best
secretary I ever had.
(laughter)
- This news item just in.
The Chicago Tribune has
declared Thomas E. Dewey
the winner and next
president of the United States.
(laughter)
- My name's Edward Miller.
You have a room for me.
- Why, oh I'm sorry sir, we
have no rooms available.
There's no rooms here.
- I just called a few hours ago.
- Well I'm sorry sir, there
must have been a mistake.
- Are you turning me
away because I'm...
- Oh no, no, no not at all,
we just don't have any rooms.
- Well, if President
Johnson showed up,
would you have a room for him?
- Oh yes we would.
- Fine, well I happen to
know that he's not coming
so I'll take his room.
(laughter)
(playing piano)
It's a quarter to three
- Unless you're on
central standard time,
then it's a quarter to four in
which case I am still bored.
Bored!
(laughter)
- You're not gonna believe this,
so I ain't gonna tell ya.
(laughter)
- I thought at this
time we'd... (whistling)
Artie.
Why are you pulling that rope?
- You ever try pushing one?
(laughter)
- Well it's time to
say goodnight, Dick.
- Goodnight, Dick.
- I gonna see you, Dick.
- Goodnight, Dick.
- Goodnight, Dick.
(coughing)
(laughter)
- Goodnight, Dick.
Goodnight, Dick.
Goodnight, Dick.
- Hey, we have a very
unusual show for you next week.
- I wonder if you'd
mind if I said something
my aunt once said to me.
- Oh I'd normally be
overjoyed but we're out of time.
Next week...
- Happened on a Sunday
morning, she slipped
on a piece of eggplant
and fell into a vat
of cottage cheese.
(laughter)
- That's terrible.
And I'd like to hear about
it, but there's no time.
Now next week...
- I thought perhaps what
she said when she met Kermit
would be of interest.
- When she met Kermit?
- He was in the cottage cheese.
(laughter)
- What did she have to say?
- Well, she, she brushed
off the cottage cheese.
(laughing)
And then she looked down
and he didn't have any,
I can't tell you.
(laughter)
- Say goodnight, Dick.
- Goodnight, Dick.
- Goodnight everybody,
hope you had a good time.
(cheery music)
(applause)
- Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- Melty.
- Melty who?
- (mumbles)
(laughter)
- Rain rain, stay in Spain,
last time here you
flooded Spokane.
- Oh no no, that's
pronounced Spoke, what is it?
- Let's make it Seattle.
- Okay. (Laughter)
- Here come the judge.
(laughter)
- Why does an ostrich
lay her eggs sitting down?
- Oh silly, 'cause if she
were standing up they'd break!
(laughter)
- I just crossed a water
lily with a kidney bean.
- You did?
Well what did you get?
- I don't know, but
whatever it is it waters itself.
(laughter)
- Know what I got when
I crossed a Frenchman
with an Italian?
Nothing.
(laughter)
- I watch both Lucy and
Gunsmoke, every Thursday morning.
(laughter)
- Hey Eileen.
- What?
- How do you get an
elephant out of the theater?
- Oh, you can't,
it's in his blood.
(laughter)
- What does a 500
pound chicken say?
- Cluck!
(laughter)
- Well see, that's
another chicken joke!
- Y'all think I'm kidding, but
here come the judge, honey.
(laughter)
- What's purple and
conquered Macedonia?
- I don't know, what?
- Alexander the Grape.
- Oh you are funny.
(laughter)
- Beautiful downtown
Burbank's a lot like London.
Except for the chickens.
(laughter)
- What do you get if you cross
a chicken with a Dalmatian?
- A spotted chicken
that chases firetrucks.
- See if you're
keeping track at home
that's two chicken jokes so far!
Two!
- Yes Santa Claus,
there is a Virginia.
- That's all, folks.
- And now, stepping front
and center, here is radio's
newest discovery, Rudy
Vallee, to sing his big hit,
the 1812 Overture.
(silly music)
(laughter)
- Oh thank
goodness, land at last.
- Well, there go my Sundays.
(laughter)
- Very interesting.
But exhausting.
(silly music)
(laughter)
- This program was prerecorded
so we could play it back now
at the wrong speed.
- Very interesting.
- [Announcer] The following
program is brought to you
in living color on NBC.
- And now, here is tonight's
celebrity jackpot question.
What did Napoleon
really mean when he said,
"Not tonight, Josephine?"
(laughter)
- I believe I can explain that.
(laughter)
- I gonna sock it to you.
Mm hmm, that's what I gonna do.
(laughter)
- My name is Loretta
Young and I am a secret.
(laughter)
- Hey, was that Jim Garner?
Nah, couldn't be.
(laughter)
- Fellow did a talk like
that'd ride side saddle.
(laughter)
- And now, from the
edge of town right here
in the center of beautiful
downtown Burbank,
NBC presents Rowan
and Laugh-In's Martin!
(applause)
Starring Dan Rowan.
And Dick Martin.
With guest stars Pamela Austin.
Flip Wilson.
John Byner.
And Judy Carne.
Artie Johnson.
With Eileen Brennan, Ruth Buzzi,
Henry Gibson,
Goldie Hawn,
Larry Hovis,
Roddy Maude-Roxby,
Jo Anne Worley,
yours truly Gary
Owens, and Morgul
as the friendly Drelb.
- Tonight's program
is brought to you
by the people
wonderful down at from.
(laughter)
(cheery music)
- And now, despite all
the calls that are continuing
to come in, here are Dan
Rowan and the tintilating
Dick Martin.
(applause)
- Thank you.
- Good evening.
You gonna say
hello to the folks?
- Hello to the folks.
- You seem pretty excited
about tonight's show.
- You bet your sweet bippy I am.
- Yeah well good, looks
like we have a dandy.
- Well any time we got
Pam Austin on the show
we got a dandy.
- Yeah.
(laughter)
You really go for her, huh?
- Not as much as
she goes for me.
- Well now Pam's
a very nice girl,
which right away means
that she's not really your type.
(laughter)
- Well I guess any girl who
comes over to my house
at 3 o'clock in the
morning, breaks in,
and says she
can't live without me
is pretty much my type.
Huh!
- [Dan] Pam did that?
- No, but it's a nice
thought, isn't it?
(laughter)
- Be a little more believable
the other way around.
You probably did that.
- I would never break
into a girl's house
at 3 o'clock in the morning.
- Well I am
delighted to hear that.
- I've broken out
of a few at 3 o'clock.
(laughter)
- Come on now, let's
talk about the show.
We have such a dandy show...
- Last night I (mumbles).
- I wanna talk about the show.
- Last night, yeah.
- I wanna talk about the show.
- There was this blonde.
- You don't mind if we
talk about the show?
- Go right ahead, I'm
talking about the show,
I just promised this blonde
I'd get her on the show,
that's all.
(laughter)
- What does she do?
- Anything you want.
(laughter)
- Now come on, Dick.
Does she entertain?
- You wouldn't believe.
(laughter)
- Well how, what do you mean?
- She got some of the
wildest tattoos you ever saw.
- Tattoos?
- Be great in new talents.
- Don't wanna hear about it,
no, I don't wanna hear about...
- Her World War Two is a beauty.
(laughter)
- Not interested.
- She's got an Iwo
Jima that won't quit.
(laughter)
When they plant that
flag you'll think about it
for weeks to come.
(laughter)
- Flip Wilson.
- Flip Wilson planted a flag?
- No, no, what do you
think about Flip Wilson?
- Oh, one of the
funniest guys around.
- Well I'm glad to
hear you say that
because he's here tonight.
- You're kidding?
- No, would I kid you?
- Ooh, then we got a great show.
- Oh, we got all the
regular gang here.
- Just about the
greatest bunch of cuckoos
you ever saw in your life.
- Oh hi.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is one of our regular
cast members,
Miss Jo Anne Worley.
(applause)
- Hi Jo, we were
just talking about you.
- Yes, I know you were.
Now please, for
myself, I'm not sensitive
but do you mind?
The others, they really don't
like to be called cuckoos.
- Oh, see?
What did I tell you?
- If that's the way
everybody feels
I'll just never mention
the word cuckoo again.
- You won't?
- No.
- Oh you promise?
- Promise.
- Well thank you.
Oh thank you, Dan.
You're so handsome.
(laughing)
No, no, we really do appreciate
not being cuckoos.
Everybody really
wants to thank you.
Judy, Goldie, Ruth, and
Eileen, and Henry, and Roddy,
and Artie, and Larry, and
Gary, we all thank you.
Because you don't know
what it meant for weeks,
hearing you call us cuckoos.
It kinda, you know,
drove us crazy
wondering if well
maybe really if down deep
we were cuckoos.
(laughter)
But we're not, right?
No more cuckoo!
- Drop the net!
- Oh you don't know
what it means to us,
really, thank you guys,
thank you, appreciate it.
(applause)
- Jo Anne Worley.
Yes that's a Jo
Anne Worley, folks.
- She's just one of
our regular cuckoos.
(laughter)
- What am I gonna do with you?
- Take me to the party, I guess.
- Hey, that's not a bad idea.
Like take you along too.
Come on, let's go.
(applause)
(groovy music)
- Mr. Jessel, what are
all those medals for?
- Well this was is for Korea,
this one's for World War Two,
and this is for appearing
on the Ed Sullivan Show.
(laughter)
- I just found out Adam
and Eve were never married.
Do you know what
that makes all of us?
(laughter)
- General De Gaulle you
know has nuclear weapons
pointed in every direction.
- Finally found out
who is friends are, huh?
(groovy music)
- Texas has produced
some great men.
Sam Houston, Sam
Austin, and Lyndon Johnson.
Now two out of three ain't bad.
(laughter)
(groovy music)
- I don't think they
should have glorified
Bonnie and Clyde, I mean he
was obviously homogeneous
and she was an out
and out pyromaniac.
(laughter)
- Well that's because
people are confused.
Like every time I ask
someone what time it is
they tell me
something different.
(laughter)
(groovy music)
- I am in favor of keeping
the church up to date,
but I question the need
for a loose leaf bible.
(laughter)
(groovy music)
- I've got everything
a man could want,
so why am I a woman?
(laughter) (groovy music)
- All I really want is a
woman to love and a mother
for my children and
I just hope the two
never meet each other.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- You should have heard
the speech Rev Brown
gave in our
neighborhood last night.
It was a riot.
(laughter)
- Boris is in favor of
the two party system.
Just as long as they're
both at my place.
(laughter)
(groovy music)
- It is said the
moving finger writes
and having writ,
moves on, but what then
of the dancing maiden
and her strange baubles?
(laughter)
- Mr. Sullivan?
Where'd you get
all those medals?
- Well it's so darn
nice of you to ask.
This is for Korea, this
is for World War Two,
and this is for having
Georgie Jessel on our network.
(laughter)
- I hear on Malibu Beach
this summer they're insisting
on one piece bathing suits.
I just wonder do they
mean the top or the bottom?
(laughter)
- Say, is Harold Wilson
in the conservative party?
- No, he's in labor, and
we've waited two years
for him to deliver.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- My boyfriend and I
enjoyed in the heat of the night
so much next week
we're gonna see the movie.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- Yesterday I bought a new car.
Today I bought
a new horn for it.
Herb Alpert.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- I'm all for updating
the wedding ceremony,
but I still think I do is
better than yeah, baby.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- My doctor said I had to
cut down on my love life.
I said talking about
it or thinking about it?
(laughter) (groovy music)
- Do you ever get uptight?
- No, but sometimes I
go to bed a little loaded.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- 300 years we been praying
on getting in your schools
and now that we're in, they
pass a law against praying.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- For my birthday Boris
gave me a Polish goldfish.
It drowned.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- In the words of the Maharishi,
he who sifteth the
sands of the desert
has naught but a load of grit.
(laughter) (groovy music)
- Georgie, what do
you consider to be
one of your greatest feats?
- Going with Kay Smith
and Annette Funicello
in the same lifetime.
(laughter) (groovy music)
(applause)
- And now folks, it's
sock it to me time.
- [Chanting Voices] Sock
it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me.
(laughter)
- Ha ha, he missed.
- Sock it to me, sock
it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to yourself.
(laughter)
(cheery music)
(laughter)
- Very interesting.
- That fellow is very
good but what an accent.
(laughter)
- I'm sorry Mr. Carter,
but I'm not the type of girl
who goes out with
the first man who asks.
(laughter)
- The sky is falling!
The sky is falling!
- Oh don't be ridiculous,
the sky's not falling.
- It isn't?
- No.
- The sky is not
falling! (laughter)
The sky is not falling!
- Oh Freddie, please come home.
I'm just so lonesome
without you.
Last night Jim came over
and we talked about you
all night long, just talk,
talk, talking, talking.
(laughter)
- Cherry.
- Now here's where
we have some real fun.
- Aha!
They opened the bar.
- No, this is when we
bring you undiscovered stars
of tomorrow today.
- Oh, it's new talent time.
- Yep.
Yes friends, it's
new talent time.
- I already said
it's new talent time.
(chuckles)
- Yes, as Dick has told
you, it's new talent time.
- Hey, isn't the band
supposed to play a fanfare
when we say it's
new talent time?
- Yes, as a matter of
fact the band is supposed
to play a fanfare any
time they hear us say
it's new talent time.
(fanfare)
- Ah.
- Yes sir, now wasn't
that worth waiting for?
- Yes, it's new talent
time, when Laugh-In
offers a showcase for beginners.
- Starting with the band.
- No, as a matter of fact
starting with a young man
who's a regular viewer, he
dropped by the studio today
and he's just dying
to be on the show
and he's gonna be here.
- What does he do?
- No, as a matter
of fact he doesn't.
He plays the telephone.
- Well bring him out?
- Oh, I couldn't be more
happy to bring him out,
ladies and gentlemen,
Laugh-In takes great pride
in presenting the world's
foremost telephone player,
Mr. David Lipp.
(applause)
- Sock it to me, sock
it to me, sock it to me.
(laughter)
- Mr. Lipp, I've never
heard of anyone
playing the telephone before.
- Well there aren't
many out there,
he's the only one
that I've ever found
as a matter of fact.
- A lot of people think it's
just a rhythm instrument.
(laughter)
No, I hear songs.
- Well Mr. Lipp, you
only have one minute
so I'll leave you with,
I know you're dying
to hear him play the phone.
- Very interesting.
(laughter)
Yes, oh good night
Dick, who's Dick?
Here come the judge,
sock it to me, sock it to me!
(laughter)
I watch you every Tuesday.
- Yeah, you just socked
it to me, didn't you, Dan?
- He's a nice guy.
- Nice, yes, yes.
Tell me, I wouldn't think
there's much music available
for the telephone.
- Oh, anywhere
there's a phonebook.
- Uh huh?
- Sure, any city.
- You play right out
of the phonebook?
- Mm hmm, go into a booth.
(laughing)
And no more chicken jokes.
(laughing)
- You are a fan, aren't you?
- Yes, sock it to
me, sock it to me!
And that one guy at the end.
(clapping)
- Yeah, that's good, isn't it?
- What are you gonna
play tonight for us?
- Mr. Martin, if
I have the time,
tonight I'd like
to play selections
from the greater beautiful
Burbank area yellow pages.
(laughter)
(phone ringing)
- Excuse me.
Mm hmm.
Ah, it's for you.
- Me?
- Yes.
You only got about a minute, so.
- Hello?
Okay, thanks.
No, didn't I ask
you not to call me
while I'm working?
Didn't I?
Why do you always have
to call me when I'm working?
(laughter)
I don't want to say that.
Why do you always, I'm running
out of time, please hang up,
I'll call you after the show.
I don't wanna say it.
Alright, I love you Mama.
Now hang up.
(laughter)
Do I have any time left?
- You've time for one number.
- Thank you.
- It's alright.
(crying)
That was a beautiful number.
(applause)
I'm gonna get you
for that someday, Dan.
(laughing)
- Hey speaking of dummies.
- Who, where, where?
- No no, right here.
We are going to share
with you the ventriloquial
vicisitudes of the very
vital, virile, vivifying virago
of ventriloquialism, the
one and only Lucky Pierre.
- Huh. (applause)
- You have anything
to add to that?
- No, let him go
ahead and dance.
- Bonjour, bonjour.
A few weeks ago on this
program one of my dummies
fell apart all over the stage.
But tonight I have brought a
very dear old friend of mine,
100 years old out of
retirement to help me
with my comeback.
(coughing)
Are you sure you're
alright to do this with me?
You positive we can?
Alright.
Tell me, who was that lady
I saw you with last night?
(wheezing)
(laughter)
Are you alright?
(coughing)
I asked you the question,
mine was a blonde,
yours was a brunette,
(speaking French)?
(wheezing) (laughter)
Water, need some water.
Here, here, you'll be alright.
Here, take that, take that,
you'll be much better.
Here, take that water.
There there there there there.
There, that's much better.
Now, what did you do
afterwards when you got home?
(wheezing) (laughter)
No wait, wait, please.
(sighs) (laughter)
Cognac!
Quickly!
(laughter)
(bright music) (applause)
- He's not the luckiest
ventriloquist I ever saw.
- That's the reason they
call him Lucky Pierre.
- I guess so, yeah.
Moving right along.
- Hey, wait, hold it.
You have an apology to make.
- I do?
- Yeah, last week you introduced
a camel with two humps.
- I did that, huh?
- Yeah.
- I don't recall, I guess I
must have if you say so.
- Well you introduced a
camel with two humps.
- Alright, I'm sorry.
- No no, that's not what
you have to apologize for.
You called it a dromedary.
- I went right ahead and
called it a dromedary, eh?
- Yes, you see many animal
lovers have written in to tell us
that a dromedary
only has one hump.
- One hump.
I had no idea that a
dromedary only has one hump.
- See, it's the bactrian
that has two humps.
- Oh, good for them.
Let's hear it for the bactrian!
- No no no, you see,
it slipped right by me.
I never realized that a
bactrian had two humps.
- Well you would if you
were another bactrian.
(laughter)
You could spot it right away.
- You've apologized?
- Yes.
- And now direct from the
Dobritch International Circus
now at the Los
Angeles Sports Arena...
- Which is right in the
center of the outskirts
of beautiful downtown Burbank.
(laughter)
- Or thereabouts.
Here's one of the foremost
precision animal acts
in circus history,
ladies and gentlemen,
the famous Stebbing's dog.
(applause)
(goofy music)
(dogs barking)
(applause)
Really wanna see a great trick?
- Me too.
- Yeah well those
dogs love to play ball.
- Me too.
- Well good, why don't
you take this out there
and play with them?
- That's a good idea.
- Okay, have a nice time.
(goofy music)
(dogs barking)
See Dick.
See the ball.
See the dogs see
the ball with Dick.
(laughter)
See the dogs jump on Dick.
Isn't that fun, Dick?
The dogs are hungry.
(applause)
(shouting)
(laughter)
(balloons popping)
(applause)
Folks, tune in next week
for more of Dick and his dogs.
- And now, number
one on your hit parade.
For the seventeenth
consecutive week.
(drumroll)
It's Tippy Tippy Tin.
(laughter)
(goofy music)
- I ever shave you before?
- Yes, once.
- It's funny, I don't
remember your face.
- Why should you?
It's all healed up now.
(laughter)
- [Voices Chanting] Sock
it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it to me.
- And now folks, it's
sock it to me time.
(laughter)
- Don't do it, Judy!
- We love you!
- Judy, don't do it!
(slicing)
- I don't mind,
fellas, you know me.
Anything for the show, eh.
(laughter)
- You take Marie
Antoinette, now there's a girl
who used her head.
- Come out here and
sock it to me, sock it to me.
(cheery music)
(laughter)
- 348, 349, I'm
getting sick and tired
of looking at coconuts.
(laughter)
- The sky is falling!
I gotta tell King Reagan!
The sky is falling!
I gotta tell King Reagan!
- Ronald Reagan isn't a king.
- No?
Then you tell him.
I'm having enough
trouble convincing him
that the sky is falling.
(laughter)
(goofy music)
(laughter)
- Soup.
- Time now to stop this
madness and bring you
the Rowan and Martin report.
When Ethel and I
just love it each week
when Laugh-In looks at the news.
Past present and
the, uh, future.
(upbeat music)
What's the news
Across the nation
We have got the information
In a way we hope will amuse you
We just love to
give you our views
La la la la Ladies and gents
Laugh-In looks at
the news Here's Dan
(applause)
- Now here's the
man doing the news,
wouldn't be the news without
the news, here's Dickie.
(applause)
- Ha.
May the good fairy fly
down your rain barrel.
(laughter)
Now for the news.
Draft director General
Hershey announced
next month's draft notices
went in the mail today
but may be delayed
due to the strike
in the Canadian post office.
(laughter)
In Paris, leading fashion
designer Yves Saint Laurent
revealed his new
floor-length skirt.
The press unanimously
agreed he looked stunning in it.
(laughter)
The recent purchase of the
Queen Mary by Long Beach,
the Polish Tourist
Bureau today put in a bid
for the Andrea Doria, the
Lusitania, and the Titanic.
(laughter)
And now, take it away Goldie.
- Laugh-In news of the
past present and future
continues now with news of
the future, present and past.
So take it away Dan
Rowan in the future.
(giggles)
- Saigon, 1988, General
Wes Moreland said today
there is no need to send
more troops to Vietnam.
However, he did call for
500,000 more advisors.
(laughter)
Birmingham, 1988, following
the withdrawal of many nations
from the Olympic Games
in protest of segregationist
countries, the games
now shape up as a battle
between South Africa,
Alabama, and Mississippi.
(laughter)
Washington DC, 1988.
Newly elected president
Nelson Rockefeller
was inaugurated today
and pledged to uphold
the principles of the
constitution of the United States
in spite of the fact
he is not a candidate.
(laughter)
- And now Laugh-In trips
merrily back to England
in 1776 for an interview
with King George the Third
whose popularity
just dropped 10 points
'cause of the war in
the American colonies.
(laughter)
- Your majesty, why is
England unable to win a war
against such an
underdeveloped country?
- My fellow Britains,
it is with a heavy heart
I have to tell you that
terrorists are ambushing
our borders at Lexington,
Concord, and other pacified areas
and then vanishing
into the underbrush.
(laughter)
- And why is the
war being escalated?
- We only escalate the
war to prove how much
we want a peaceful settlement.
(laughter)
And I will assure this, I
am willing to go anywhere
at any time to
negotiate a surrender.
- Your majesty, there
has been a lot of talk about
faulty British musketry.
- Well I can only say British
troops have been inflicting
heavy casualties.
- Where?
- Mostly among British troops.
(laughter)
- And your majesty, are we
bombarding civilian targets?
- Well, I will say again we
attack only military targets.
Why just yesterday when we
hit two more military schools,
three more military hospitals,
and another army and navy store.
(laughter)
- Final question, your majesty.
Why are we fighting this war?
- Why, it's
perfectly clear, son.
We're fighting to make the
world safe for aristocracy.
(laughter)
- Very interesting.
- The correct time is now
exactly 87 degrees and rising.
(laughter)
(goofy music)
- How come your
hands are so dirty?
- Nobody had a
shampoo yet today.
(laughter)
- Freddie, Freddie
please, come home.
Jim worked late last night,
if it hadn't been for Paul
I would have been
alone all night.
(laughter)
Alone by the telephone.
- Mink.
- Here come the judge.
- Who's there?
- Knock knock.
- Goldie, you're
doing it backwards.
- Oh.
(laughter)
- I just broke my glasses.
Do I have to be
examined all over?
- No, just your eyes.
(laughter)
- I don't know why all
the fuss about miniskirts.
They're only regular
skirts cut down to thighs.
(laughter)
- Here comes the judge!
The judge is coming, y'all.
(laughter)
- Here's something
you don't hear every day.
Merry Christmas!
- I just joined the YWCA.
- Oh silly, the
YWCA is for girls.
- So am I.
- Oh!
(laughter)
- I'm not kidding,
here comes the judge!
Here comes the judge!
(laughing)
- Listen, show me a
cow that won't give milk
and I'm gonna show
you an udder failure.
(laughter)
Least that wasn't one of
your regular chicken jokes.
- Show me a monk
who rips his clothes
and I'll show you
a holey (mumbles).
(laughter)
- Show me a girl who
enjoys a tramp in the woods
and I'll show you
a vagabond lover.
(laughter)
- Hit the ball, Willie!
- Here come the judge.
- My cousin's built
like Sofia Loren.
Boy is he embarrassed about it.
- Show me a fellow
with rings on his fingers
and bells on his toes
and I'll show you a fellow
who tinkles when he walks.
(laughter)
- Johnny (mumbles).
- Lyle Talbot.
(snaps)
- The second half of
Rowan Martin Laugh-In
is brought to you by.
(cheery music)
- Roses are red, violets
are blue, flowers are colored,
why ain't you?
(laughter)
- Very interesting,
but chauvinistic.
- [Voices Chanting] Sock
it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me.
- And now folks, it's
sock it to me time.
(sawing)
Oh, blimey.
He did it to me again.
- I know they're sorry.
(goofy music)
(laughter)
(light tropical music)
- But I don't understand
why my shirt would attract
more ships than your shirt.
(laughter)
- Very interesting.
But very provocative.
(laughter)
- Just a minute, barber,
could I have a glass of water?
- Thirsty?
- No, I'd like to see
if my throat leaks.
(laughter)
- Oh Freddie, I can't stand
another night without you,
life is so empty.
Why last night I would
have died of loneliness
without George, please,
please come back to me, Freddie.
Incidentally, George
owes you a bottle of scotch.
Oh my head.
(laughter)
(goofy music)
- We'll return to Lum
and Abner after this word
from your Packard dealer.
(silly music)
- Didn't I get my
last haircut here?
- I don't think so, we've
only been open two years.
(laughter)
(yawns)
- Hey, I just
thought of a wild way
to break the monotony.
(laughter)
- Here is today's fact.
Doctor Livingston, I presume
was Doctor Presume's full name.
(laughter)
- This camera has
double the value.
(laughter)
- Very interesting,
but it's a plug.
- [Voices Chanting] Sock
it to me, sock it to me,
sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me.
- And now folks, it's
sock it to me time.
(thumping)
Well at least it's better
than getting hit in the face
with water every week, innit?
(splashes)
Oh it's not fair,
it's not nice, is it?
I mean I went through
the knife bit, didn't I?
- That's perfect.
Now let's do it one more time.
(laughter)
- Now listen and listen good.
- Oh sock it to me, sock
it to me, sock it to me.
- Smile when you say that.
(laughter)
(goofy music)
(light tropical music)
- Oh come on out honey,
who's gonna notice?
(laughter)
- Would you like
a manicure, sir?
- Yeah, but make it quick.
- Manicure for the
gentlemen, Glenda.
- Yes sir.
It'll be my pleasure.
(laughter)
(silly music)
- Freddie, Freddie I
can't live without you.
Heaven knows Jim,
Paul, Peter, and George,
they've all tried but I miss
you so Freddie, please,
please come home,
you're my only real love.
Please.
Oh Freddie, the
key is under the mat.
Yes, Herb is taking me to
Acapulco for the weekend.
(laughter)
- Yep, that's right,
tonight Mod Mod World
looks at the spirit
of adventure.
(upbeat music)
Well tonight as fellow over
there said just a minute ago,
we look at the Mod
Mod World of adventure.
- I'll drink to that.
- The spirit of adventure.
It's what made this
country great today.
- That did it, huh?
- Yep.
Everybody who came
over on the Mayflower had it,
Columbus had it, all
the pioneers had it.
- I had it last summer.
(laughter)
- You had what last summer?
- This rash all over my tum tum.
(laughter)
- What's that got to
do with adventure?
- If you knew how I got
that rash you wouldn't ask.
(laughter)
- I'm talking about
the spirit of adventure.
- Well so am I.
- Alright now then,
every famous American
has had to have the spirit.
- Name two.
- Alright, Lewis and Clark.
- I used to love them on
the Colgate Comedy Hour.
(laughter)
- That was Martin and Lewis.
I'm talking about
Lewis and Clark,
lived over 200 years ago.
- I thought that
guy looked very old
to come sliding down that
pole every Thursday night.
(laughter)
200 years, huh?
- Can I ask a question?
You plan to fool around or
are you gonna pay attention?
- Both.
- You can't do both.
- Well I intend to pay attention
now and after the show
I'm gonna fool around.
(laughter)
- Gonna pay attention now?
Very good, as long as
you're paying attention
I'd just like, we're
talking about adventure.
- Adventure.
- What do you know about
Alexander Graham Bell?
- He played the part of
Don Ameci in the movie.
- Paul Revere.
- He rode through Boston
without any clothes on.
(laughter)
- That was Lady Godiva.
- She rode through Boston
without any clothes on?
- No, she didn't ride through
but it happened in England.
- It happened in Boston
before it happened in England.
- Daniel Boone.
- Fast parker.
- No, no, great hunter.
- Tab Hunter.
- No no, Daniel Boone.
- Tall, good looking guy.
- No, he used to always
wear a coonskin hat.
- And white buckskin shoes?
- Now that's Pat Boone.
- Ah, (mumbles).
Richard Boone.
- You wanna try Mary Boone?
- Harvey Boone.
- No, no, no!
What about the Wright Brothers?
- They broke up.
(laughter)
- Who broke up?
- The Righteous Brothers.
- No no, I'm talking about
the pioneers of aviation,
Orville and Wilbur Wright.
- Oh, they were ahead
of Mary Poppins?
- Oh, way ahead.
Every time you take a trip
you owe it to Orville and Wilbur.
- That's what they'd
like you to believe.
(laughter)
- Hey, you talk about
spirit of adventure,
Charles Lindburgh,
now he really had
the spirit of adventure.
- I thought he had
the Spirit of St. Louis?
- Hey, you know
something about that.
Spirit of St. Louis, that's
the name of the plane.
First solo flight
across the Atlantic.
- No no no, that
was Jimmy Stewart.
(laughter)
- That was the movie.
- No no, I remember he
was eating peanut butter
sandwiches all through that.
- Well I'm happy you saw
the movie but you should
have read the book.
- Well it was too dark in
the movie to read the book.
- You used that
joke two weeks ago.
- Not if I were on the
Smothers Brothers I could.
(laughter)
- Do you know what man's
greatest adventure is today?
- You bet your sweet bippy I do.
(laughter)
- Alright, what?
- Well there's this lady...
- No no no, talking
about space travel.
You know the modern man
today can travel over 18,000
miles an hour?
- Pshaw.
- No sir, 18,000 miles an hour.
- Must be murder reading
those Burma Shave signs.
- You know what's slowing us
down on our trip to the moon?
- The sun.
- No no.
- The daughter?
(chuckling)
- The craters, craters.
- Craters?
- Craters on the moon, it's
dangerous to land on the moon
because of the craters.
- Oh craters!
Here come the judge,
here come the judge,
(laughter)
here come the judge,
here come the judge.
- Judge Crater.
- Judge Crater, I
thought of that too.
- Now that Dick's
cleared up the subject
let's take a squint at the
Mod Mod World of adventure.
- And a peanut butter sandwich?
(laughter)
(groovy music)
- Adventure, for many young
women, is found in teaching.
And what more rewarding
experience can there be
for anyone then to fight
the battle against ignorance?
Armed only with ingenuity,
training, and the tools
of knowledge.
(banging) (crying out)
(laughter)
- What we have here is
a failure to communicate.
(shouting)
- Nowhere is the spirit
of adventure more evident
than in the field of sports.
- I'm here with Jesse Rafer
of the US Olympic team.
Jesse, I understand your
appearance in the Olympics
is rather significant.
- Yes, that's right, I'm
the first negro athlete
the University of
Mississippi has ever had
on its track team.
- Well that's wonderful.
What is your specialty
at Mississippi?
- I'm a javelin catcher.
(laughter)
(groovy music)
- Well Mrs. Talbot, I'd
say you're about to begin
woman's greatest adventure.
- Oh no, I've already had
woman's greatest adventure.
- Really Mrs. Talbot, when?
- Oh, about nine months ago.
(laughter)
- Oh?
- Yes it was the most beautiful
wedding you've ever seen.
(laughter)
- It gonna be alright
when the judge get here.
He know what to do.
- Throughout history there
have been many brave women,
perhaps none braver
than those ladies
in the entertainment field
who travel to the troubled
spots of the world to
entertain our troops.
Ladies like the
Traveillsa sisters.
Mister why'd you call
and what you doing tonight
(singing drowned out by
explosions and gunfire)
(screaming)
- You guys think this is bad,
wait'll we get to Vietnam!
(laughter)
- How I saved a baby rhino
from slipping in the quicksand.
Whilst in search of my
fountain pen last summer
along the Amazon River.
By Henry Gibson.
With great difficulty.
(laughter)
(groovy music)
- [Radio Announcer] Word
has just been released
that the first
astronaut to the moon
has just come back,
he's safe and sound.
(screams)
- Oh darling, oh
darling, oh darling,
thank heavens you're back!
I've been going out of my mind!
The sink is stopped up.
(laughter)
- The sink?
- Well I think I shoved the
broom handle down there
and now I can't
get the broom out,
if you could just
take a look at it.
- Wait a minute!
Don't you realize?
I have just come
back from the moon!
I have stood on the
ageless dust of the moon!
- Did you wipe your feet
off when you came in?
(laughter)
- Wipe my feet?
- I told you I can't sweep.
The broom is stuck in the sink.
- I have just traveled
500,000 miles
through the vacuum
of complete space!
Don't you know what a vacuum is?
- How should I know?
You never got me one.
(laughter)
All we've got is a broom
and it's stuck in the sink.
- And for this I went two
months through the silence
of outer space.
- Two months of silence.
Well I had the two kids,
not one minute's silence.
Do you know what it's
like to have two kids,
not one minute's silence,
and a broom stuck in the sink?
(laughter)
- Don't say that again!
- Oh no no no,
don't you worry about
our little earth problems.
You're just too busy
going to the moon.
(laughter)
- Look, how often do I go?
- But you went!
And I stayed here!
You never take me
anywhere anymore!
(laughter)
- So this is my homecoming.
All my hopes, my plans,
my dreams, everything,
down the drain.
- Oh no no no, darling.
You mustn't say that.
It's not true.
Nothing's gone down the drain.
It can't go down the drain.
- [Both] There's a
broom in the sink.
(laughter)
(groovy music)
Men believe adventure
is some great athletic feat
Women have adventures
merely walking down the street
Every day it rears its ugly head
The spirit of adventure
For a lady isn't dead
Secretaries have an awful plight
Every day the
boss puts up a fight
First I take dictation
then he sits me on his lap
When I'm busy typing
then he sets his little trap
When I'm filing he attacks
And many is the slap
Secretaries have an awful plight
Nursing isn't what it used to be
No once it merely
served humanity
Now a guy in 509
gives out a painful yell
He must be in agony
as far as I can tell
When he grabs my derriere
I know he's getting well
Nursing isn't what it used to be
Tell you to be a bunny
Ain't milk and honey
I mean the things you have
to do to earn your money
Avoiding pinches
Escaping clinches
The day a man becomes a drinker
He's an automatic
stinker Automatic stinker
Oh, adventure on the highway
Why did I become a meter maid
Every day I'm
getting more afraid
When I'm checking parking
meters I'm a timid lass
When I'm out in traffic I
start putting on the gas
Give a guy a ticket and
he tries to make a pass
Why did I become a
meter maid Oh listen
If you're a starlet
You're labeled harlot
And every man becomes
a bounder and a varlet
The many perils
From Dicks and Darryls
A man becomes a big producer
and he's now a mad seducer
Now a mad seducer Listen now
Housewives have
adventures every day
When the darling husband is away
When you meet the postman
He starts acting like a louse
And the new exterminator's
playing cat and mouse
Then you greet the milkman
who is hot for playing house
Housewives have
adventures every day
Life can be serene
Life can make a fuss
But at certain times
it gets dangerous
And you think some days
you should have stayed in bed
The spirit of
adventure isn't dead
(applause)
- Now be that as it may,
friends, let's move along now
to potpourri.
- How do you spell that?
- P-O-T-P-O-U-R-R-I.
- Then it's pot-pourri.
- No, the T is silent.
- How's that?
- Well the T silent
happens in many words
for example Robert Goulet.
T is silent.
- I didn't know that.
- Sure, many words, of
French origin especially,
end in ET but you just
don't pronounce the T.
- I see.
Well thanks a lot.
- Where you going?
- I've got to go to the toi-lay.
(laughter)
- As I said friends
now time for pot-porry.
(playing piano)
It's a quarter to three
There's no one in the place
Except you and me
- Bored, really bored.
(laughter)
- Oh!
Oh, how could you?
Oh no no no,
don't try to explain.
This is the end.
I'm going home to mother.
- Oh darling, I'm so sorry.
- It's all very well for you,
anyone can get a wife.
I just lost the best
secretary I ever had.
(laughter)
- This news item just in.
The Chicago Tribune has
declared Thomas E. Dewey
the winner and next
president of the United States.
(laughter)
- My name's Edward Miller.
You have a room for me.
- Why, oh I'm sorry sir, we
have no rooms available.
There's no rooms here.
- I just called a few hours ago.
- Well I'm sorry sir, there
must have been a mistake.
- Are you turning me
away because I'm...
- Oh no, no, no not at all,
we just don't have any rooms.
- Well, if President
Johnson showed up,
would you have a room for him?
- Oh yes we would.
- Fine, well I happen to
know that he's not coming
so I'll take his room.
(laughter)
(playing piano)
It's a quarter to three
- Unless you're on
central standard time,
then it's a quarter to four in
which case I am still bored.
Bored!
(laughter)
- You're not gonna believe this,
so I ain't gonna tell ya.
(laughter)
- I thought at this
time we'd... (whistling)
Artie.
Why are you pulling that rope?
- You ever try pushing one?
(laughter)
- Well it's time to
say goodnight, Dick.
- Goodnight, Dick.
- I gonna see you, Dick.
- Goodnight, Dick.
- Goodnight, Dick.
(coughing)
(laughter)
- Goodnight, Dick.
Goodnight, Dick.
Goodnight, Dick.
- Hey, we have a very
unusual show for you next week.
- I wonder if you'd
mind if I said something
my aunt once said to me.
- Oh I'd normally be
overjoyed but we're out of time.
Next week...
- Happened on a Sunday
morning, she slipped
on a piece of eggplant
and fell into a vat
of cottage cheese.
(laughter)
- That's terrible.
And I'd like to hear about
it, but there's no time.
Now next week...
- I thought perhaps what
she said when she met Kermit
would be of interest.
- When she met Kermit?
- He was in the cottage cheese.
(laughter)
- What did she have to say?
- Well, she, she brushed
off the cottage cheese.
(laughing)
And then she looked down
and he didn't have any,
I can't tell you.
(laughter)
- Say goodnight, Dick.
- Goodnight, Dick.
- Goodnight everybody,
hope you had a good time.
(cheery music)
(applause)
- Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- Melty.
- Melty who?
- (mumbles)
(laughter)
- Rain rain, stay in Spain,
last time here you
flooded Spokane.
- Oh no no, that's
pronounced Spoke, what is it?
- Let's make it Seattle.
- Okay. (Laughter)
- Here come the judge.
(laughter)
- Why does an ostrich
lay her eggs sitting down?
- Oh silly, 'cause if she
were standing up they'd break!
(laughter)
- I just crossed a water
lily with a kidney bean.
- You did?
Well what did you get?
- I don't know, but
whatever it is it waters itself.
(laughter)
- Know what I got when
I crossed a Frenchman
with an Italian?
Nothing.
(laughter)
- I watch both Lucy and
Gunsmoke, every Thursday morning.
(laughter)
- Hey Eileen.
- What?
- How do you get an
elephant out of the theater?
- Oh, you can't,
it's in his blood.
(laughter)
- What does a 500
pound chicken say?
- Cluck!
(laughter)
- Well see, that's
another chicken joke!
- Y'all think I'm kidding, but
here come the judge, honey.
(laughter)
- What's purple and
conquered Macedonia?
- I don't know, what?
- Alexander the Grape.
- Oh you are funny.
(laughter)
- Beautiful downtown
Burbank's a lot like London.
Except for the chickens.
(laughter)
- What do you get if you cross
a chicken with a Dalmatian?
- A spotted chicken
that chases firetrucks.
- See if you're
keeping track at home
that's two chicken jokes so far!
Two!
- Yes Santa Claus,
there is a Virginia.
- That's all, folks.
- And now, stepping front
and center, here is radio's
newest discovery, Rudy
Vallee, to sing his big hit,
the 1812 Overture.
(silly music)
(laughter)
- Oh thank
goodness, land at last.
- Well, there go my Sundays.
(laughter)
- Very interesting.
But exhausting.
(silly music)
(laughter)
- This program was prerecorded
so we could play it back now
at the wrong speed.
- Very interesting.