Roswell (1999–2002): Season 2, Episode 15 - Viva Las Vegas - full transcript

okay a lot of confusion

And uh, the only person
who's gonna get you there is me,

so let's review, okay?

Fantastic.

This is their planet,
off in the middle of the universe somewhere.

This is our planet, Earth. Their planet

With me so far?

Fantastic.

All right, the aliens. Max ...

Michael or Spaceboy as I like to call him,...

Isabel...



and Tess

They landed here in 1947.

They gestated in these really gross pods for 40 years.

And then they, uh, ...

sort of hatched.

Now there's only a few of us humans
who know about them -

Liz

Alex

Kyle

Kyle's dad

and me

I hate that picture

better.

All right, what you need to know about them.
They have



special powers, of course.

They use Tabasco sauce by the crate.

And trying to have a relationship with them,
it's like suicide.

I mean it...
it's like typical bad relationship stuff,

but even weirder.
For instance there's this one time

when future Max told Liz

that she needed to break up with the present Max,

or else the world would end.

So she did.

But she ended up missing out all this romance stuff
that they would've done,

like eventually eloping
and getting married in Las Vegas.

Speaking of Las Vegas...

- I think we lost them.
- Are you sure?

Not really

- Where's Isabel?
- She's gone, Michael.

Now pull it together
or we're gonna to be next.

what - what do they want from us?

We need a plan.

We can't fly by the seat of our pants anymore.

They gotta want something.
Maybe we can talk to them.

It's time to step it up.
Face the demon.

No more hiding.

What are you talking about?

Max! Maxwell?

No, please,
no!

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

What's going on?

We are leaving; that's what's going on.

You and I--
we're getting out of this town for a couple of days.

What? Why? What's wrong?

I need a road trip.
I gotta clear out the cobwebs.

What the hell are you talking about?

I'm talking about getting out of this two-bit town
a couple of days and having some fun.

Is there something wrong about that?

No, there's nothing wrong with that.

You wanna tell me what's really going on.

Nightmares, Maxwell.
I can't shake them;

I've had them every night for two weeks.

I mean my brain needs a vacation,

or I swear to God I'm going to lose it on someone or something,
and it's not gonna to be pretty.

Okay, we'll take a vacation

Yeah, today, now, let's go, out of town

Today?

But ... we need a plan.

- Screw the plan, let's just go.
- Michael, you gotta trust me here.

We need a cover story,
so no one looks for us.

- So first we'll go to school....
- I cannot make it through another day of school.

just give me sometime so cover our tracks
and we're out of here. Okay?

okay, okay.

So... where are we going anyway?

You're gonna love it.
It's a place without rules,without responsibilities, ...

a place where we can forget about our troubles,...

it's a city of dreams

Which would be...

Vegas

we're going to Vegas baby

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{C:$aaccff}Roswell [2x15] Viva Las Vegas

You know,
you don't have to
blow the whole 50 G's in one trip, Michael.

We could take $10,000
and still have a good time.

- I don't want the money, not one thin dime.
- But just think about it for a minute....

You could use that cash to build your future.

The money was a bribe, it's tainted.
You don't build your future on that.

Besides I think it's haunting me.
I wanna get rid of it.

- Michael, be reasonable.
- I'm not gonna be reasonable.

This isn't a reasonable day in my life.

Ok, ok.

That's a lot of cash to keep in your locker.

I defy the National Guard to open it.

Now go ahead and make a plan for our escape,
and then let's go.

Go where?

Nowhere.

Meet me in the lounge in fifth period
and have a plan.

Where are you going fifth period?

We're ... going to Vegas.

- "We".
- Michael and I.

It's really for him, he needs a break.

And I don't?

Do I really have to give you the list of all the things
that I have had to deal with lately?

No.

Then I'm sure
I don't have to stand here and convince you

that if anyone needs a break it's your loving sister,

who has asked for so little and given so much.

No.

And I'm sure
that whatever plan you come up with will work

just as easily for 3 as it will for 2, right?

It will now.

Fabulous,
I'll see you in the lounge later.

What you reading?

Vegas, baby.

You're going.

Si

When?

Fifth period, Max is making plans.

Do you have room for one more.

Sorry, aliens only, you understand.

Put a quarter on red for me.

Hmmm, detenci?.
Los huevos son buenos.

Triple it, or die.

Hey, hey, hey. Even though you held out on me,
I'll cover with Dad,

in exchange for a dime on black.

Did somebody step on your head in gym?

Hey, knock it off.
I'm talking about your "Martians-only" field trip to Vegas.

I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm not going to Vegas.

Oh, maybe it's a surprise.

Max and Michael are organizing the whole thing.

Really? Where did you hear that.

- You can't come
- Why?

Because things are gonna happen
that the faint of the heart shouldn't see.

Oh, please!

Besides how are you paying for this trip anyway?

The Dupree's money.

That's $50,000 Michael.

Yeah, and I'm gonna spend every cent of it.

Oh really?

Okay, where are you staying?

I got a double on the clean & cheap.

all right, how about food?

There's some buffets I want to check out.

Okay, you're up to about $37.

What else?

Come on.
Nobody can spend money like I can spend money.

You need me on this trip, Michael.

All right, tag along.

But you are coming in a
completely professional capacity only

This isn't some kissy-kissy romantic retreat.

I have stuff to do.

Thank you, thank you.

Hey, hey. Don't go telling everybody,
and let's keep this low profile.

Seriously!

I booked a suite at the Bali Hai hotel and casino.
Amenities include marble statuary,world-class shopping
and lighted tennis courts.

Vegas just isn't my idea of fun.

The pool has a water slide.

- I'm sorry
- In the shape of a giant flamingo.

Please come with me to Vegas, Liz.

Michael is gonna be off doing some dumb guy thing,

and I really need a gal pal.

- No
- Please

Maria, the reason I'm not going to Vegas...
is because I was married there.

- What?
- Yes,

when future Max came, he told me.
We got married in Vegas at the Elvis chapel,

and it was the most romantic night of our lives.

So basically, I don't want to go Vegas --

ever.

All right, you know what?
There's a lesson to be learned here.

What happened between you and Max
is unspeakably intense,

but the marriage thing never actually really happened,

so you've gotta let go of it.

You've got to create your own memories,

and that's what we're gonna do
in Vegas with Michael's money.

I love the smell of formaldehyde in the morning.

Alex, pop quiz.
If you were given the chance

would you rather:
a) Dissect pig babies.

- Embryos
- Or

b) get an all-expense-paid trip to Vegas.

When do we leave?

Today after fifth period.

Come on, Liz,
all the cool kids are doing it.

I would really appreciate
if you would respect my decision.

Maria

Maria

Michael!

hey, I hope you don't mind,
but I invited Kyle on our trip to Vegas,

'cause you know, he's been really a stand-up guy,
and he did, technically, save the world from the crystals and everything.

"Our" trip?

Yeah, and I just wanted to let you know, too,
that when I first moved to town

I felt like a complete outsider, you know,
no friends, barely any family,

but you really helped me feel welcome.

And this trip you know -- wow!
It's just so great of you to organize it for us all,

and we can all use some time away, plus,

I've always wanted to go to Vegas!

So can I tell Kyle it's okay?

Sure I'm glad to have him.

And you, by the way.

Thank you.

This is low-profile?
Don't you love that little hat?

Going somewhere, Mr. Guerin?

Pretty good Principal Forrester, huh?
- Yeah, you're a riot. What's the plan?

At this very moment,
the debate team is leaving for a two-day meet in Santa Fe.

According to this piece of paper,
we're going with them.

If anybody asks, our original oral topic was

"Space Travel:
Wave of the Future or Misbegotten Dream?"

Catchy.
All right, let's go.

Hey!

You got room for one more?

Oh, I'm so proud of you.

Yeah, but let's get out of the hall
before someone starts asking questions.

No lecturing, no moralizing, no whining
about spending money on the homeless.

This weekend it's about fun and debauchery.
You got it?

Yeah. I know how to have fun.

Right.

Here we are ...

the presidential suite.

You've got 3 bedrooms, 3 baths,

state-of-the-art entertainment system,
6 person jacuzzi heated to a toasty 102.

Is there anything else I could get you folks

Uh ... thanks.

I'll go get you some ice.

I bet they have towel warmer.

Let's see about some in-house porno.

Hold on! Line up, ID's out.

This town has some restrictions about having fun.

I'm gonna fix that.

You are no longer high school students
from Roswell, New Mexico--

you are of-age party machines.

uses his powers to change
the birthdates on the ID's

These are your aliases.
You will use these aliases for the duration of our trip.

Sound off.

Okay, Harvey Wallbanger

Pinacolada

Tom Colins

Brandy Alexandr

Margarita Salt

Shirli Temple

Rob Roy

And I'm your host, Dr. Love.

Since I'm sponsoring this operation, you will follow my rules.

1. Your bank is 3 grand.

This cash is to be spent here.

Rule number 2 - and this is the biggie.

Rob Roy and Dr. Love run alone.

You see us at a table, you find another one.

If there's no other questions ...
then go out and clobber the house.

I was uh ... I was kind of surprised to
see you were down for this kind of trip.

well, you know,
I could say the same thing to you.

I'm only here for Michael.

He's uh ... he's kinda going through something.

I just wanna keep an eye on him.

So this is not a vacation for you.

It's the last place I'd wanna take a vacation.

Yeah, me too.

I'm just here for Maria.

Hey Shirley.

Didn't you hear the Dr's orders?

- Yeah, I'm sorry. We were just ...
- Good, yeah, cool, good. Bye

Okay.

Bye.

Oh, she's exhausting.

It's pretty swanky huh?

Yeah, it's great.

I mean... time for fun.

Pick your poison. Blackjack, craps, roulette.

yeah, whatever you want.

That's not the spirit I'm looking for Robbie.

But don't worry,
Dr. Love will show you the way.

This is so cool.

Hey. What should we do first?

I think we should try and play a game.
Ok. I'm set. I just booked a salt scrub at the spa.

Wait, wait. What happened to needing a gal pal?

I'll be an hour tops.

Have fun, guys

bye.
Okay ladies let's just dive in.

Excuse me, can I see some identification?
Sure.

Nice try, girls, the video arcade is that way.

excuse me, we're 21.

Yeah and I'm charo.

You know, I'm sure we can find another form of I.D.
in here somewhere.

We are 17 years old.

Good job.

I'm sorry,

very, very sorry.

Show me how it works.

All right. You put your bet here.
And the point is to get to 21.

Kings are worth 10,
so you get another card,

now you've got 16, so another card,

now you go to 25,
and he takes your money away.

Gee! What a great game. Thank you.

I'm sorry,
you have to play more than one hand.

Kyle, this is math,
not exactly what I'm looking for in a vacation.

Well, this is the gambling capital of the world.
What are you looking for?

I guess I'll know when I see it. Later.
All right.

She is right you know. It's math.

More precisely, AP Statistics,

which dictates that an all-or-nothing strategy
has the best chance of beating the house.

That makes no sense.
Hit me.

You took that one in the shorts.

You will never believe
what I've found in the spa locker room.

Oh God. My heart hurts

A booking agent is holding auditions.
Alex, Alex I need the hugest favor from you.

I need an accompanist.

I play the bass guitar.

No, no. You could fake it in the piano.

It's just some simple chorus change.
It first starts off with an E and then in the bridge it goes...

Maria -- I just lost $3000, all right!

Alex, I'll, I'll give you $3000,
if you help me get this gig. Please.

- The key was E, right?
- Right.

All right. What's the tune?

Basic rules 7 or 11 on the first roll you're golden.

2, 3 or 12 you lose your shirt.

We've got a first time roller here.

No. You go ahead. I'll just watch.

Ok, I'm gonna roll.

Trust me, Max,
you're gonna love this game.

It's fast, it's loud,
it's everything living in Roswell isn't. Here we go.

6, point 6

now if I roll a 6 we win,
if I roll a 7 we go bust

6 the hard way.

In for him too.

6 hard way.

Pay the man.

Amazing news.

- I have an audition.
- Now, keep with me here folks

- I'm here to win and I don't see you.

Hello?
Don't you know what my dream has been since,

like, the beginning of time?
It's to start my singing career in a smoky Vegas, supper club.

7 winner.
Sweet
I'll be up on stage right? In front of a great band,

and I'll belt out some torch songs,
there'll be a spotlight,

my makeup will be perfect. I'll have...

Maria, we had an agreement. Beat it.

Are you not listening to me?

This could be my big break, right now.
Don't you want to come,

and like cheer me on,
and like give me a...

7 winner.

Oh! The king, ladies and gentlemen.

Michael

Maria.
I'm in the middle of something important.

Oh! No.

Oh! No. Please hurry

Are you okay?

Lord help me.

Wedding's in a half and hour.
My maid of honor gets food poisoning from the breakfast buffet,

and now some dumb Canadian
slams into me with his merlot.

Let me try to help here.
Thank you.

My mama told me not to elope.

Well, actually,...

I think we've got it out.

Well honey!
Aren't you just my good luck charm?

What's your name?

Brandy

Brandy, that's pretty. I'm Tracy.
Well it's so nice to meet you.

me too.

This is my hubby-to-be Glenn,
and his best man, Dave.

Brandy just saved my behind.

Hi.

Hi it's nice to meet you.

- Hello.
- Hi.

How's April

Hmm?
Wishing she'd never tried the crab omelets.

Perfect.

Well what am I going to do now?

Well,
maybe Brandy is free for a couple of hours?

Brilliant Dave.
Brandy,

will you be my maid of honor?

Sure.

Ok, blondie. You're up.

Honey.

You've got some set of pipes.
Well, I...

No, I was... I was truly moved.

Thank you.

No, no. Thank you.

Now take off your clothes.

Hey!

Who do you think you are?
You treat her like a lady!

I'll treat her like a stripping lady,
'cause that what she's auditioning for.

Give me this flyer.

New talent, big money...

Oh! Oh! B.Y.O.G-String.

Dr. Love says give it up for 10 the hard way.

You're cheating.

You want to say that a little louder?

I don't think the stickman heard you.

This isn't right,
using your power like this.

Thanks for the sermon, dad

It's not what we came here.

No! We came here to have fun,
which is exactly what I'm doing.

Folks this is the fourth set of dice they give me.

But when you have the hot hand,
you have the hot hand.

I feel an 8 coming.

Michael, he knows.

He doesn't know anything. What's he's going to say,
that I'm using my mysterious alien powers?

This table is closed.

What is this crap?

You're done. My advice is to take your winnings
and move on down the strip.

- Yeah, we will.
- The hell we will. I'm here to gamble.

There's a table right over here.

- Listen, punk.
Punk?

You know what it is?

It's because we're small.
If we weren't so damn short,

he would have totally bought that we were 21,

so what I'm going to do, I'm going to mindwalk the security guard,
making him think that we are 5' 10''(1,70m)

and then we just go in

Tess, I'm fine here in the arcade.

Great.

I'm stuck in the party capital of the world
with Liz Parker.

No, if we're feeling dangerous we could challenge
a couple of 8 year boys to

foosball or go for the ice capades.

You know, for your information
I didn't want to come to Vegas in the first place.

I knew that this was going to be
the most miserable trip of my life.

I knew it,
but I didn't listen to my instincts.

And by the way Tess,

I don't enjoy being stuck with you either.

Fine.

Good.

Oh! I almost forgot.

Bye.

- Thanks for everything, Brandy.
- No problem.

Do I have to ask?

Tracy and Glenn just got married

and I was their maid of honor.

Who's that?

That's Dave.

Cake?

Honeymoon suite, Margarita speaking.

Maria, it's me.

Me who?

Yeah funny.

Do you know were I was tonight?

I was auditioning to be a stripper.

Little innocent me.

Did you get the job?

You don't even care.

This wouldn't have happened
if you have been with me.

Is there someone else I can talk to?

We are talking.

No, I can't, I'm in jail with Maxwell.

What you need to do is shut your trap
and get down here and bail us out.

Wait a minute. If you're in jail

that means that this is your only phone call.

Exactly.

Doesn't Buddhism disapprove of gambling?

Actually Buddha himself first coined the phrase
"know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,

know when to walk away and know when to run"

And yours is obviously a deep
and abiding spiritual faith.

All right, boys, cash out.

You're just gonna have to back off.

Yeah, grasshopper's on a roll baby.

I gotta bail Max and --
if there's enough money -- Michael, out of jail.

My winnings, my money, go away.

He's in gambling anonymous,
I'm his sponsor.

Could you please help me keep this

poor lost soul
from further traveling the path of destruction?

I'm sorry sir. Casino policy.

Thanks MARIA

Thank your higher power.

You must be a pretty high roller
to afford a place like this?

It's a friend's.

Is your friend a Kennedy or something?

More like a prince.

I'll tell you, this has been great.
Free trip,

free tux,
slow-dancing with a beautiful girl in a penthouse suite.

You're easy to please

You're not.

You're way ahead of the game, Dave.
Do you really want to risk it all with anymore

of your insightful questions?

Well, first I have to
get my sisters to work on some new material.

I think you're doing pretty good on your own.

May I suggest a change of venue?

What did you have in mind?

I have a hotel room up the strip.

This is a hotel room.

I was thinking of something a little more private.

Well, I have to think about it.

Ok. I thought about it.

Let's go.

Are we having fun yet?

No, thanks to you.

Hey! This isn't my fault....

If you hadn't been showing off--

Here we go, another lecture.

Hey, everybody gather 'round your cell doors,
because Max here is going to give another lecture.

Shut up!
What's with you?

What's with me?
Not you, definitely not you.

What the hell is that supposed to mean? ...

The only reason I came on this trip was for you.

Oh yeah,
out of the goodness of your big, fat, bleeding heart.

You skipped out on sixth period,
and you went to Vegas

for poor screwed up Michael.

Yeah, big hand Max

Whatever.

You're talking to yourself now, Michael,
I'm tired

And I'm talking to myself.

Gee, Michael, why would you want to go to Vegas
with Max in the first place?

Sounds like a really stupid idea.

No, no. See you don't get it. Max and I, we're guys,

and sometimes guys just like to go out
and tear it up for no good reason

But Michael, Max is no fun,

he's a straight arrow, he's a responsible guy.

I'm here, aren't I.

This is a private conversation.

As I was saying, Michael,
it's like this:

Max and I, we used to be tight.
We grew up together,

and it's no big deal that we can go out
and have fun for a couple of days,

we used to be friends.

Oh! Give me a break.

This isn't about friendship.
This is about your irresponsible, reckless behavior.

Hey! I've been going through
some heavy stuff the last couple of weeks.

In case you missed it, I got shot.

I know, I healed you.

You put your hand over my shoulder
and you did your little trick like a robot.

You're a machine, Max.

You wouldn't know the first thing about
what it takes to heal me.

To really heal me.

Yeah, when's the next flight to Roswell?

Nothing sooner than that?

Michael, make him stay.

No, no, wait, please, please, don't go.

I'm, I'm blowing the rest of Michael's cash
on a beautiful expensive dinner.

I've even taken care of what everyone's wearing.

He's not invited anymore.

Thanks, but I'm just gonna go home.

Finally my vacation can begin.

Not bad.

Oh, well, yeah. Yeah after playing 6 hours and a 1000 quarters,
you sort of get a rhythm going.

Yeah, I heard you were down here.

I just want to let you know I'm leaving.

Oh! Is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah. It's just...

Vegas. Kinda make your skin crawl

I mean, who would ever want to
get married in an Elvis Chapel, right?

Not me. ....

Not in this lifetime

Yeah...

I've got a plan to catch, so...

Yeah, right.

See you in Roswell, Liz.
Yeah.

Now this is the Vegas that I love.

All right. Smile, beautiful people.
Yeah, there we go.

You cleaned up nice, spaceboy.

I'm sorry that he didn't make it.

Well I am not.

I'm thinking a cheeseburger will go down nice right now.

You had lobster.

Yeah, but I'm still hungry.
I'm gonna go hit the fast food joint across the street.

Green, please.

Thanks.

Cheeseburger? Why do I even try?

Well, at least he wore a tie.

Liz, I'm worried. I plan to be a worldly woman,

and how can I be,

when Michael is trapped
in a world of armpit farts and PlayStation?

He's just so...

Ladies and gentlemen,
tonight you're in for a rare treat--

-a dream coming true.

You're gonna love listening to this performer, ...

and even though she'll never believe it,...

I love listening to her too.

Please welcome to the stage...
Miss Margarita Salt.

You know this's right

We're dancing.

- I uh. I thought you had other plans.
- I thought I did too.

I don't get it.

He was exactly what I was looking for from this town.

A good-looking smartass,
that I could just chew up and spit back out, you know?

But?..

he went to get ice and I went to get a cab.

And so here I am,

alone again.

God,
I must be the biggest freak on the planet.

I'm sorry but that's just not true.

When you're ready for it,
you'll find someone,

and you'll make him the happiest man ever.

Would you like to dance?

Love to.

- I thought you'd be at the airport right now.
- I was on my way,

but I had this weird moment.

What do you mean?

Well, I saw this
vision.

You and me, ...

jumping out of the cab...

like we'd just been married in Vegas.

That's weird

Yeah,

it was like
this memory flash of something that really happened,

Max...

At 3:30 yesterday afternoon,
Vice-principal McClure contacted me.

Apparently,
my son didn't show up for detention.

Newsflash to me,

so I called some of Kyle's friends.

Nobody knew where he was.

So I made a few other inquiries,
and without alarming any of your parents

I deduced that you were all missing.

By 4:30 I was in a panic.

Thought maybe it was a mass kidnapping
or an invasion.

I knew you guys had to be in some kind of trouble,
because there was no way that you would just take off without telling me.

We just took a little vacation.

It's like spring break.

So you skipped school.

Missing class is excusable
if it involves saving a planet--

yours, mine, or any other.

It is not acceptable ..

if it is done
in the name of under-age gambling.

Is that clear?

Each one of your parents is going to
hear from me later today.

I expect you back in Roswell this afternoon.

Kyle, get in the car.

I was up $1600.

Now!

I'm glad I'm adopted.

Yeah, me too.

Tess!
Don't make me come back in there.

You, uh, tired?

That's the last of it.

You, uh, you were right.

I do act like a machine sometimes.

Forget it, I probably said too much.

No, it's all right.

It's uh, it's something I needed to hear.

You needed a friend,
and you got a

chaperone.

I'm sorry.

I guess I just feel so responsible

for you, and Isabel, and even Tess.

Sometimes I let that
get in the way of letting you know how much...

how much you mean to

That without you, uh, uh...

I'd be lost, Michael.

Whoever sent us down here was smart,

you know why?

Because they sent us together,
and as long as we stick together,...

we're gonna make it.

We still got a couple of hours
before the flight home.

No money....

So what do you want to do?

Oh, I don't know.
I got a couple of dozen DVD's back in the hotel room.

Yeah?

Braveheart?

How many times can you watch that thing?

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