Rosehaven (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Episode #1.8 - full transcript

Hi, you've called Emma.

I'm not here. Honestly, I'm
probably patting a street cat.

Anyway, leave me a message.
Or don't. Do what you want.

Live your own life! Okay, bye. Whoo!

Em, it's 9.45 and you're still not here.

Can you please let me know if
you're coming in or not today?

- Morning, Emma.
- Mrs Marsh.

Hey, Em, can I see you
in my office, please?

- You've...
- Can we swap?

- What?
- Can we swap seats?

I feel like I'm in
the Principal's office.



You're 45 minutes late.
We've got an inspection at...

10am, I know. I have an excuse.

All right, let's hear it.

I wanted to sleep in.

That's not an excuse. That's
what you cover up with an excuse.

Damien doesn't believe in alarm clocks.

That's rich, coming from
a guy who owns 20 of them.

They're not plugged in.

Look, the reason I wanted you here
on time, one, because it's your job

and two, I've got something
I need to talk to you about.

- Are you firing me?
- No, you're not fired.

By the way, showing up late isn't
a great way to avoid getting fired.

You should be getting here earlier.

- Or at least on time.
- So I am fired.



No, you're not fired.

- I've got some news.
- You're not a natural redhead.

Yeah, of course I am. Look at me.

Mum's coming back to work soon and...

when she does...

I'm going to move with
Grace to the Gold Coast.

The... what?

The Gold Coast.

I-I just... Mum doesn't need me here

and I feel like there'll be more
opportunities for me over there.

Plus all the theme parks.

Good for you.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Thanks?

I'm really happy for
you. Grace is great.

Uh, good.

Great.

Are we... cool?

Yeah, we're cool.

Cool.

I'm really cool. I'm probably
going to freeze to death.

I'm so cool, a polar bear
tried to live near me.

I'm so cool, if I stuck
my finger in your drink,

it would be ice cold from the coolness.

Please don't stick
your finger in my drink.

Do you not like that? Because I do
it every time you're not looking.

I'm glad we're cool.

8 Morebury Lane. This might be
our last inspection together.

You're really heaping on
the sad today, aren't you?

Yeah, sorry. So what are your plans?

Go back to Melbourne.
Become Prime Minister.

That's a good plan.

Or I guess Flight Centre
will give me my old job back.

You could buy this house,
move in with a bunch of cats.

It'll save us having
to find new tenants.

Nah, I'm good.

There's mouldy food everywhere,

and there's a melted
basketball in the oven.

- Oh, my God.
- How are the bedrooms?

Eugh. There's more open milk cartons.

- They must have done that on purpose.
- And some vomit in the corner.

- Great.
- It's mine.

- Em!
- I'm sorry!

Damien and I challenged each
other to see who could eat

the most mie gorengs last night.

- Shit.
- Eugh. What is it?

I've stepped in actual
shit. Please be from a dog.

- Oh!
- Eugh!

What am I going to do?
What am I going to do?

God, I can still smell it all over me.

Well, these clothes
are going in the ocean.

- Mum's going to kill me.
- Why?

You didn't stick dirty
undies to the wall.

Yeah, but I approved the tenants
that did. They seemed fine.

One of them kept saying, "Cool
bananas". Is that a... is that a thing?

Hello, Daniel McCallum's
phone. Emma speaking.

What?

They told me we haven't been
making the mortgage payments.

Bloody banks. All they
think about is money.

- They can't stop us working.
- They have stopped us.

Have they?

Hey, mate!

Do you wanna sell your house?

Um, yeah. I was thinking
about it, actually.

Great! Let me just get you a card!

Shit!

Was it Stuart? I'll strangle
him with his bow tie.

Did you really need to
put a chain on the place?

We got it off.

Oh, and good luck trying that one again,

because I'm sleeping with a locksmith.

I told you when I get back to work,

I'll start making
regular payments again.

All right.

Bloody Sue. I got her that job.

Mum, this is bad.

Your Grade 1 nativity
was bad. This is fine.

That was a script,

and I think failing to pay
your mortgage is pretty bad.

I've got multiple listings
ready to go as soon as I'm back.

- New listings?
- Yeah. I've got a mobile, you know.

Well, why didn't you send them my way?

We both know you're not
the best salesperson.

I've got an investor coming
down from Sydney on Thursday,

looking to purchase some
more properties from us.

So just let me handle it.

- Fine.
- We already manage one of hers.

She'll want to see it while she's here.

Okay.

You did the final inspection on
it this morning. 8 Morebury Lane.

- 8 Morebury...
- Yeah. How'd it look?

- Good.
- Good.

It's fine.

We'll just call all the cleaners
we can find, hire them all at once

and pray they can finish
the job before she gets here.

Why didn't you tell Barbara?
You're leaving anyway.

Because I haven't told her I'm
going yet, I can't just say,

"Hey, Mum, I'm leaving and I
stuffed up the only chance you have

- "of not going bankrupt."
- So we're in a rush?

- Yes.
- Great.

Ow!

- Just get in the car.
- One more time.

Ow!

McCallum Real Estate, this is Daniel.

Yes. Did you have a look? Can you do it?

Okay, but are you sure it's blood?

It could be jam or sauce.

Okay, once you put
gloves on, does it matter?

Please don't hang up. Please!

I called Tom's Reliable Cleaners

but they've been a
servo for three years.

Did you have any luck?

What about those guys that
clean crime scenes and stuff?

I tried them. They said they're
booked up until next week.

Oh. That sucks for us, and society.

- We're going to have to do it.
- Hm?

We're going to have to clean the house.

- With what? Our hands?
- Yes.

Uh, you might have blocked this out,

because of how gross it was in there.

- But it's really gross in there.
- I remember.

Dan, I vomited in there,
and I've slept at the tip.

- What? Why?
- It doesn't matter.

I'm just saying this
is grosser than that.

You can't just say, "I slept at a
tip" and then not tell the rest...

I was drunk, I was walking
home, there was a mattress.

See, now you're disappointed.
It's not a good story.

Look, Em, please?

This is the last thing I'll
ever ask you to do for me.

Okay, guys.

First of all, thanks to Grace
and Damien for coming to help.

They had to come because they kiss us.

- I like your overalls.
- Who wouldn't?

Anyway, we've got to
get this place spotless

before the landlord arrives,

and before we start, can
we do a quick supply check?

- Uh, Grace.
- OK.

I have gloves, anti-bacterial
wipes, disinfectant, Band-Aids,

and protein bars for all of us.

Oh, thank you. That's
very, very kind. Um, Damien.

Uh, I brought my toolbox, so if
there are any minor repairs needed,

I should be able to take care of them.

I also brought pegs. There
should be some blue ones in here.

Yeah, rubber bands, couple of those.

Thanks, Damien. Uh, Emma?

I've got all of the boring cleaning
supplies you asked me to get.

- Which are?
- And... beer.

OK, well, let's save those till the end.

Let's get started.

And he doesn't drink
creamy soda anymore.

It's his favourite and he told me
he's never going to drink it again.

Because it's got too much sugar?

And he's putting frozen spinach
in a blender for breakfast.

Oh, yeah. Is that good?

No, it's frozen spinach.
In a blender. For breakfast.

And she showed up 45
minutes late, again.

Did she say why?

No. She doesn't even
make up excuses anymore.

At least they were fun to hear.

She told me once that she got mugged,

but they didn't take anything

because she answered
their riddle correctly.

You know what is good?
Melted butter on fruit.

- What?
- Yeah.

Oh, maybe I'm thinking
of something else.

- Don't quote me.
- Oh, I won't.

Is she upset about the move?

I don't know. She says it's fine, a lot.

Grace, the fumes from
this, they're safe, right?

Just don't spray it in your
mouth and you'll be okay.

Check.

Yeww! Ahhh!

Oh, my God!

Can you imagine if I
hadn't looked up here?

- Em...
- It just would have stayed there.

Forever. Oh, almost.

- Oh, that was...
- Why are you...

I found a trampoline. I'm keeping it.

There's a condom in the light.
These guys were thorough.

Just use a stepladder so
you don't hurt yourself.

I'm like a centimetre off the ground.

Grace, how many people
do you see for accidents

that could have easily been avoided?

Um, mostly just Phil because he refuses

to walk around the dart
players to get to the toilet.

Daniel wouldn't know
what you're talking about

because he never goes to
the pub with me anymore.

- I'm saying if a spring breaks in...
- Damien will catch me.

- He's not even looking.
- What?

Or listening. I'll just get the
stepladder. It'll be quicker anyway.

- Got it!
- Oh, God! Em!

It's like we've barely made a dent.

Milk cartons are gone.

The smell's not.

Em?

What?

We're going to have to stay overnight.

No!

Tonight, Damien and I are going to see

if we can cook pasta in
wine instead of water.

- I'm sorry, but...
- We were going to try red and white.

- And port.
- Oh, and the melted butter thing.

Okay, well, that all
sounds really important,

but we don't have a choice.

We've been doing it all day.

Could you please just
hang in a little longer?

Okay.

I should have brought more beer.

Um, Grace, Damien, you guys go home.

- Thanks for today.
- No, I'm not going anywhere.

Well, I'll go and get us some
caffeine and then I'll come back.

Thank you.

Damien, no pressure.

I slept yesterday.

Oh!

Go team.

It's like my whole life has
been scrubbing this toilet.

Take this twice a day.

What?

Daniel, if you want to talk to me,

you're going to need to
tap me on the shoulder.

Oh, God. Is this a stingray?

- Oh, no, it's a fake.
- Oh, Jesus! Oh, Grace, don't, don't.

- Get it away from me. Oh!
- Daniel, just touch it.

- No. No.
- It's... okay.

- Better?
- No.

It's beautiful.

What are you doing?

Jealous?

Not now, Em. Can you please...

- I'm going to paint over it.
- We don't have time for this.

It is the same amount of painting time.

No, it isn't.

If it was, you'd see a
bunch of half-painted houses

covered in dicks all the time.

Just go side to side.

I'm just trying to make a shitty day,

then night then day
again a bit more fun.

- Last time I do you a favour.
- You're not doing me a favour.

Grace and Damien are doing me a favour.

- This is your job.
- Oh, right.

Well, who do I speak to in HR

about getting less 24-hour
shifts cleaning human filth?

Well, I don't know, maybe
you could ask them what to do

with an employee who keeps
drawing dicks on the wall.

- Keep? It's my first one!
- Oh, Em, grow up!

- Grow up?
- Yes, grow up.

I'm not the one leaving
'cause things got too hard.

I'm leaving because I did everything...

Do you think I don't
know what you're doing?

You meet some girl, sorry Grace,

and you turn into some fit business jerk

and you're using it as
an excuse to run away.

Nah, he's just moving
onwards and upwards,

and you look really great, Dan.

I'm just trying to improve myself.

The whole reason you're
here is because you ran away.

And now you're hanging out in
some hoarder's den, sorry, Damien,

throwing your life away,
acting like a child.

Hey, there's nothing wrong
with looking at the world

with a child-like sense of wonder.

You actually think you're
better than me, don't you?

No, I think you could be
better but you're too immature

and you're too lazy to
do anything about it.

I am not the one who approved
the worst tenants on Earth.

Just admit that you're leaving
because you're shit at your job!

The only reason your mum
doesn't let you do anything

other than change the photocopier
paper is because you keep failing.

Well, maybe I'd be better at my job
if I wasn't always babysitting you.

All I've done is help you.

By showing up at my doorstep
and sponging off me? Huge help.

Do you know what? I'm glad
you're going. I'm glad.

You're unbelievable.
You are... You're a...

Come on, Damien.

Sorry, Daniel.

Taking my handyman, too. Real helpful!

Interesting artwork.

Grace, do you mind if my
son and I talk in private?

I actually think an independent
third party would be beneficial.

Daniel, get in here.

- Oh, being angry sucks!
- Anything I can do?

Immature and lazy. He thinks
I'm stupid. I am not stupid.

I'm fun. All I've done is
help him since I've been here.

- I'm going to listen and wait.
- He thinks I can't do anything.

He thinks I'm running
away. I am not running away.

- Hey! Mick!
- Hey!

Why did you keep this from me? Were
you just going to let me find out

- when I brought Denise through today?
- No, no, no.

Mum, no cleaner would touch this place.
I figured if Em and I could fix...

I wouldn't find out that you
didn't screen the tenants properly?

No.

- You may not care what I do...
- Of course I care!

Why do you think I've been
scrubbing a toilet all night

that smells like it's where the poos
from all the other toilets ends up?

To cover up your mistake.

You think that's the only reason?
Mum, this is why I'm leaving.

I... haven't told you that yet, have I?

I'm going to move with
Grace to the Gold Coast.

She's looking to do a
placement at a larger practice

and I want to try my
luck at a larger agency.

Plus all the theme parks.

I've been meaning to tell you...

It must be good to be able to
come down here and play at this

and leave when it's not fun anymore.

No, it's...

Daniel, this isn't like when
you ate all the Vitamin Cs.

I can't send you to your room.

You're running a business, my business.

Now, I'm going to go and pick up Denise.

I want you to come
and take responsibility

as the manager you keep claiming to be.

Well, what about the house?

You were never going
to finish it in time.

There's a melted basketball
in the oven, for God's sake.

I really am sorry, Denise.

I've had this house for 10 years.

At least the windows aren't broken.

Uh, yes, that's... that's true.

I, um, I do have to warn you though,
the smell inside is quite strong.

Let's get this over with.

- Hi! You must be the owner. I'm Emma.
- Denise.

Oh, actually, I wouldn't shake it,
sorry. I've just run out of soap.

Please come in.

So, by damaged and
revolting, you meant spotless.

There was a bit of wear
and tear on the place,

but nothing McCallum Real
Estate couldn't handle.

Now, if you don't mind,
I might leave you to it,

because I'm, let's not beat
around the bush, stinky and gross.

It was very nice to meet you, Denise.

I'll see you guys back at the office?

I hired her.

Em!

- You saved me.
- Fluke.

And a bunch of road workers
who owed me a favour.

- The ones who trashed our house?
- Yep.

One trash, one clean. We're even.

I'm, um...

I'm sorry about what I said.

- I didn't... I didn't mean it.
- Yes, you did.

Okay, I did, but I
could have said it nicer.

You're not shit at your job.

No, no, I... I am. You're right.

Come with us.

Hm?

Come with Grace and I to the Gold Coast.

I'll help you find work and you can
stay with us until you get settled.

I don't want to hear
you have sex all night.

First of all, thank you for the all
night thing, but I'm serious, Em.

It'll be nice having
you in the same state.

You really think you're
my babysitter, don't you?

Denise thought the house
was perfect, because it was.

- That's great.
- Yes, it is.

It almost wasn't.

Look, Mum, I...

- I didn't...
- Can I have a job?

- What?
- What?

When Daniel leaves,
can I stay working here?

I like it and I think...
No, I am, I'm good at it.

And I'll get better.

Are you going to be on time?

Yes. I've got 20 clocks I can plug in.

You'd need to study.

I can't have you working for me
without the proper qualifications.

I can do that.

I've always wanted a framed
certificate with my name on it.

The ones I make myself don't
cut it. Best Face? What's that?

I think we can work something out.

There would have been
a place for you too,

if you'd wanted it.

- Are you masturbating?
- Yes.

- You heading to Grace's?
- Yeah, her parents are down.

- I'm meeting them tonight.
- Wow, that's big.

- Don't fart on them.
- That's a great tip.

I am happy for you.

This feels weird.

Yeah, it does.

- I don't know how to make it better.
- Me neither.

Murder suicide?

You're set on staying?

Even without me to change your nappy?

That's disgusting.

I'm... I'm really glad you were here.

Are you touching my butt?

Yeah, it was getting too sad.

Okay.

_

- Emma?
- Yes.

Have you been signing off company
emails as Charlie's Angels?

Yeah.

- No?
- No.

- Mrs Marsh, hello.
- Hello.

I'm back.

- Have you had a haircut?
- Ah, yeah, but, um...

What are you doing here?

Mum, hi. I, um...

I'd like to apply for a job.

Did you and Grace break up?

Well, thanks for immediately thinking
that but, no, we're still together.

Look, I, um... I've been
to all the theme parks now

and had time to think.

I... I don't want to miss
the chance to work with you.

For you.

Be here while you're here.

You've been running this
place for a long time

and, you know, when I
take over, I want to...

Presumptuous.

If I ever take over, I want
to learn from the best first.

You know, instead of...

Thinking you already know
everything and messing up.

Well, I was going to say
teaching myself, but... yes.

And Grace?

She understood. We're going
to try long distance for a bit.

If you'll have me.

All right. Well, you'll need
to pass the interview process.

- The...
- Emma?

What's going on?

Do you have time to do an
interview with a potential employee?

Yes. Take a seat, please.

Okay.

So, what makes you
think you're qualified

to work at McCallum Real Estate?

Uh, well, I'm a team
player, I work hard,

my last name is McCallum,
my mum is the boss

and my best friend works here.

- Mrs Marsh?
- Yes, Mrs Marsh.

Well, I can't play favourites
over the other applicants.

- Oh, I had them all killed, so...
- Did you?

I like your initiative. Any final
words before I make my decision?

I've missed you.

Correct. You're hired. I'm Emma.

- I'll be your boss...
- No.

Okay, but I am employee of the month.

- Did you put that up there?
- Yes.

But Barbara hasn't told me

- to take it down.
- Take that down.

So, what made you give
up on the mainland?

Couldn't hack it.

- I'm glad you're back.
- Yeah. Yeah, me too.

It's gonna be great. Every night
will be like a slumber party.

Yeah, except now we're adults,

so there will be no one
to tell us to go to bed.

- Go to bed!
- Love you!