Roseanne (1988–2018): Season 2, Episode 12 - No Talking - full transcript

Roseanne gets the silent treatment after clashing with Becky when she becomes the teenage daughter from hell.

You don't own the world, butt face.

It's my room, too!

Just wait till mom gets home.

BECKY: I'm trembling, Darlene!

Hey!

Well, if you're gonna kicking me out

of my own room,

at least give me my
sweatshirt and sneakers.

Here!

And my basketball.

Here!



Quit yelling! I'm watching Geraldo!

You shut up!

Ow!

You're such a baby.

Dad, you're home!

Yeah, so are you!

Dad, Darlene threw a sneaker at me.

Darlene, what's the matter with you?

I know. I missed him.

I shouldn't have rushed the throw.

Look at this mess.

You better get that picked up
before your mom gets home.

Where am I gonna put it?
I can't get in my room.

Why not?



The queen of the universe locked me out.

Becky, open that door.

And before she locked me out,

she pushed me out of the room.

I mean, if I wasn't so athletically gifted,

I might have fallen down the stairs.

Hi, dad. Bye, dad.

Where you going? Out.

Hey, you be home in time for supper!

I thought she was grounded.

Darlene, now you got your room back.

Now clean this up.

Hi, babe. How was your day?

Great.

Some kid called me sir.

I told my boss

it's not my night.

It's Becky's night.

Shall I call her?

Yeah, get her down here.

Becky!

Oh, that's right.

She's out.

What do you mean she's out?

As in not home.

Derived from the English
words "at the mall."

I told her to be home by supper.

You let her go? She's grounded, Dan.

She is?

Yeah.

Well, I guess I've been naughty.

It's not funny.

No kidding.

She locked me out of my room.

Well, she is only human.

And practically threw me down the stairs.

See, that's why she's grounded…

'cause she's acting awful,

and her attitude stinks.

Plus, she's not even here

to set the table,

and it is her night.

But I'd be happy to do it.

Because, hey,

whatever's good for my family

is good for me.

Just set the table, Darlene.

Suck up.

It's 20 to 7:00, Dan.

Uh-huh.

Say, is there any of that, um, bread?

Yes, there is.

Is that your subtle way

of asking me to bring you the bread?

Sorry, babe. Didn't mean to be subtle.

Mom, you have any milk?

Not anymore, but there's
some in the fridge.

Nice, Elsie.

Why, if it isn't Becky Conner,

long-lost daughter of Dan
and Roseanne Conner.

Ha ha.

So kind of you to join us.

Is this supposed to be dinner?

No, this is the cocktail
hour before dinner.

These beans are totally
lifeless, mother.

If you'd steam them
instead of boiling them,

they might be edible.

Is there a problem? No.

Where were you, Becky?

Hanging out.

Chicken.

Coming at you.

Well, you weren't hanging out here,

which is where you're
supposed to be hanging out

'cause you're
grounded, remember?

Let's see what she'll
come up with now. Ha ha!

I forgot, ok?

I'm sorry.

Hey, how about losing the attitude, huh?

Now, I asked you where you
were, and I want an answer.

Mom's waiting, Rebecca.

Butt out, Darlene.

Any answer.

Come on, lie to me.

Do you have to know where I
am every moment of my life?

Yes.

I was at the mall, ok?

I got off the bus,

walked directly into Rodbell's,

where I met Diane and Sammi.

We 3 stood near the entrance to theatres,

goofed on some mall cop named Renaldo,

split some fries,

and came home.

Is that specific enough?

Who paid for the fries?

Now watch me be specific.

Thanks to that nasty,
snotty attitude of yours,

you get to spend another

7 fun-filled days and nights

on the second floor of
714 Delaware street.

Yes.

You are not gonna
ground me for another…

You want to push it for 2?
You're so weak.

Hey, I don't know what's
gotten into you lately…

Hey, I don't want to hear it.

Hey! You apologise
to your mother.

You're being totally unfair

just 'cause I don't want
to eat your stinkin' beans!

Wrong. I am being totally unfair

because that is my job!

Now you sit down and have a
nice dinner with your family.

I hate you. Hey!

I say disown her.

Hey, geeky, why are you in such a mood?

You wouldn't understand.

Yeah, well, it's getting old.

Darlene, who asked you?

No one asked me.

I'm telling you.

You're really hurting
mom's feelings, Becky.

Next time you sound off at her,

I'm gonna punch your face in.

Whatever.

Come on, pudge.

I'll hit you 3 times

before you even touch me.

Go to bed.

I don't want to go to bed.

Darlene, give me back my covers.

What covers?

Ow! Ow! Ow!

You really think mom's upset?

You know she is.

Good. She deserves it.

For what, butt nose?

For treating me all the
time like I'm a little kid.

I mean, she treats me
like I'm your age.

Yeah, but at least
she lets me go out.

Yeah, but you always have to
tell her where you're going

and what time you'll be back.

I mean, don't you ever get sick of that?

That's why you're being so mean?

I'm just tired of her
running my life for me.

Darlene, I'm packing you
turkey with no Mayo,

exactly as requested,

and I expect you to eat it.

Becky, we got bacon here.

I always eat my lunch.

I do everything my mommy says.

I need snack money.

Oh, yeah, I need money
for a new bus card.

How about you, Becky?

I'm giving out cash here.

You need some?

Money, money, money.

All you got to do is ask.

Oh, somebody's still mad at me.

Not me.

No.

So Becky…

Guess you won't be going out
with Jimmy this weekend.

Shut up, Darlene. Ow!

Hey, Darlene, knock it
off and go to school.

It's ok. I'm sure there
are plenty of girls

who will be happy
to go out with him.

Maybe even a hot-looking senior

with low self-esteem.

Is there coffee?

Yeah.

Becky, would you like more juice?

Hey, princess.

Oh, she's not talking, Dan.

Is that right?

Good morning, dad.

Oh, I stand corrected.

She's not talking to me.

Looks like.

She's mad at me.

Looks like.

Can I have my allowance?

It's an honour to have
you on the payroll.

Thanks.

Becky, you know what
this silent treatment

does to me, don't you?

It just makes me
want to talk more.

In fact, it makes me
want to talk constantly

until you have no choice but to…

she's coming around.

Looks like.

I want to thank you, Dan,

for letting her go out
after I grounded her.

That way, I'm the bad guy,

and you get to be the hero again.

Aw, come on, Roseanne.

She's just trying to get a
rise out of you. Ignore it.

She's been trying to get a rise
out of me for the past month.

What are you talking about?

Dan, where have you been?

She's hardly ever home,
and when she is,

she's locked up in her room.

She only comes down
to yak on the phone

or to give me grief.

Great caesar's ghost.

She's acting like a 14-year-old.

She's obviously going
through something,

and she's not even talking about it.

Why don't you just try
backing off a little bit?

Well, maybe I can pump
Darlene for some information

when she comes home
from school today.

Oh, my god.

My worst fears have finally come true.

She's turned into her mother.

I have not.

And don't you ever say that to me again.

Ok, Bev.

Hey, hey, I mean it.

Kind of touchy, aren't you?

Say, your mom's pretty much
the same way, isn't she?

You're giving me a heartburn.

I'm sorry, honey.

Say, doesn't your mom get heartburn?

Becky, I want to talk to you.

Becky, open this door.

Becky?

[LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

Open the door.

Turn that down, Becky.

I want to talk to you!

Becky, open the door!

Becky, I'm going to count 5,

and if you don't open the door,

I'm gonna get the screwdriver
and take it off the hinges.

I'm counting now.

1…

2…

3…

I'm counting, Becky.
You hear me counting?

4…

4 1/2…

5!

All right.

All right, that's it.

Fine.

I'm serious, Dan.

Where's that screwdriver?

Roseanne, you're not taking
the door off the hinges.

It's ridiculous.
Hey, I counted to 5.

Well, 6 actually,
'cause I did 4 1/2.

Would you listen to yourself?

I'm more worried about you
than I am about Becky.

Well, I'm worried about me, too.

She's driving me crazy!

I tried joking with her.
I tried yelling at her.

I even tried being reasonable,

but she still won't
say one word to me.

A real battle for power.

Yeah, and I'm losing.

Hey, you're not
taking that door off.

All right, then you go
up and you talk to her.

This is between you and Becky.

Bringing me into it is
just gonna make it seem

like I'm on your side.
Which…which I am.

No, you're not.

You're neutral as usual.

Dan Switzerland Conner.

You just don't want
to get involved

because she still thinks
you're Mr. Perfect.

Did she tell you that?

You're making way too
big a deal out of this.

You watch too much Oprah.

What, do you think
she's up in her room

having sex with the guys that
take down the tilt-a-whirl?

There is obviously something wrong.

Now, where is that damn screwdriver?

In the garage.

Fine. You gonna help me
take that door off or not?

Not.

Good, then I'll just do it myself.
Good.

And if you can't do anything to help me

with your own damn kids,

then I don't have one
thing left to say to you.

So, Deej…

What did you do

after you got to Timmy's house?

Played in his basement.

Nok-hockey?

Yep.

You cheat?

Yep.

Did you beat him?

Yep.

See?

Darlene, ask your father

to please pass me the toast.

Father, will you pass the toast

to mother, please?

Tell mother I received her request,

and I'm shipping the toast
out on the next arm.

Why, there's one leaving now.

D.J.: What's going on?

You got me.

Mom, what's going on?

We're playing a game.

Can I play?

No, you're too mature
to play this game.

How come it's so quiet?

Eat your breakfast.

Dad, can I go meet
Diane after breakfast?

Did you do your chores?

Mm-hmm.

Gee, Darlene,

I guess you'll be doing the dishes

for Becky again

since she's going out.

No way!

Becky, you're not sticking
me with the dishes again.

So I'll do them when I get home.

Well, why don't you do
them before you leave?

'Cause I can do them
when I get home.

What's the difference?

Because I said so.

You're only making me do them

because she stuck her nose in,

and you just always
do whatever she says.

Becky, I believe you're
mistaken about that.

Ah, I can see that room

becoming more and more mine.

You always back in to her.

Everybody does.

But I'm not gonna let her.
She can't control me.

Oh, yes, I can.

I am your mother,

and will control you
till the day you die.

I wasn't talking to you!

Oh, yes, you were! Just then, she
was talking to me. Wasn't she, Dan?

You talking to me?

2…3…boom!

That's when the door
would have slammed…

If we still had a door.

Steve thought that
having Julia around

would make it easier on Joanne

because Joanne worries so much

about him being a cop.

But then, when he was
seeing that Swedish chick,

she never worried at all

'cause you know how icy
those Nordic types are.

Is that what you guys do all day?

Sit there in your patrol car

and discuss your personal problems?

He's my partner, Roseanne.

He's going through some rough stuff.

Steve's very torn.

I want my taxes back.

Uh-oh, what are you doing?

I'm cleaning. Cleaning?

Yeah, what does it
look like I'm doing?

Looks like you're snooping.

The girls will come home

to an entirely reordered room

and never quite know

if anything was touched

because clearly,

everything was touched.

Mom used to do that.

I am not snooping.

I am cleaning.

And I am not…

Mom.

Planning on cleaning her diary?

I was thinking about it.

Roseanne, don't you…

remember when mom
did that to you?

Good for you.

I thought I had a
handle on my kids,

but Becky's turned
into a total stranger.

I'm just looking for clues, you know?

So she's not talking to you. Big deal.

I didn't talk to mom for a month.

Yeah, and she went
stark raving mad.

You're the one that
told me to do it.

So, see?

Becky's no different
than we were.

Yes, she is,

and the times we're living
in are completely different.

Anyways, what would you know about it?
You're not even a mom.

When are you gonna quit
throwing that up to me?

When your water breaks.

Will you help me flip this one?

Aha!

Now this…

This is Becky's diary.

You think that's like
the x-rated version?

If she's having any fun at all, it is.

Oh, thank you.

What do you think she's
got written in there?

Stuff she doesn't want you to see.

Stuff about you.

Stuff about sex.

Same stuff you used to
write in your diary.

How do you know what I
used to write in my diary?

Because I read it.

You did not.

I did, too. And I quote…

"dear lord,

help me stop doing
you know what."

Well, I read your diary, too.

No, you didn't. Oh, I did so.

Oh, yeah? So where did I keep it?

It doesn't matter. I read it.

You don't know where I kept it.

And I didn't just read it.
Mom read it, too.

She used to come in there
and read it right out loud

and go, "is this true?
Is this true?"

My scarlet diary? Uh-huh.

I never had a scarlet diary!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ow!

So…

You going to read it?

I don't know.

Then I really would be mom.

I don't know what to do.

She's 14, Roseanne.

14-year-olds are vile, testy,

snarling,

secretive beasts.

Becky's perfectly normal.

You have to give her some privacy.

Yeah…

With mom, nothing was ever secret.

She used to force her way in,

steal information,

and use it against us.

Beverlygate.

There are some things…

You don't need to know.

Well, how did you get so smart?

Reading your diary.

Can I come in?

Dinner's gonna be ready
in a few minutes.

Ok.

Will you go set the table for me?

I guess you want to sit up
here and talk to yourself.

Go.

Going.

I'll leave it open.

I was in here doing
some cleaning today,

and I came across your diary.

Well, diaries.

I didn't read it, though.

I almost did,

but then I thought,

I don't want to violate
my kids' privacy

the way my mom violated mine.

So I put it back under the mattress.

So what do you want, a prize?

Thanks, you just gave me one.

You know, I just guess I hoped

that me and you would have
a better relationship

than I got with my mom.

So…

Here's my peace offering.

You know, I guess I don't understand

everything you're going through,

but then again, I don't
think you understand

everything I'm going through, either.

So…

I'm giving you back your door

'cause that's the way
I'd want to be treated.

So here's your door.

You can keep it closed

whenever you want to.

And sometimes,

I hope you'll open
it up and let me in.

But no pressure.

DARLENE: We can't
go to the movies

'cause you're still grounded.

Not anymore.

Mom let me off the hook.

No way.

I got our door back, didn't I?

And we're going to the mall.

The old silent treatment really worked!

To perfection.

Aunt Jackie is so brilliant.

Mom is never going to pry her way

into my life again.

She promised.

Well, yeah, but now that
she's done haunting you,

I mean, who do you think
she's gonna go after?

What about my life?

Too bad.

But it's gonna be a lot easier for you

now that I've broken through.

I mean, I have got mom

exactly where I want her.

Hi, I was just cleaning.