Roseanne (1988–2018): Season 1, Episode 19 - Workin' Overtime - full transcript

( HARMONICA WAILS )

( THEME MUSIC PLAYING )

( LAUGHING )

( RADIO PLAYING
INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC )

( RADIO SHUTS OFF )

Dan, come on. Get up.

Dan, get up.

Come on, Dan.

Boy, it's a beautiful morning.

The sun is shining, the
birds are chirping,

and let's get up and embrace
the wondrousness of it all.



You embrace it.

Come on, get up. We
gotta earn a living.

( GROANS )

( CHUCKLES )

( BED CREAKING )

Let the kids do it.
They're younger.

- ( DAN SHOUTING )
- ( ROSEANNE SCREAMS )

( LAUGHING )

D.J.: Hey, mom.

Hey, you're supposed
to knock, pard.

Sorry. Mom, will you buy
me some finger paint?

No.

I have to paint a picture
of the family for school.

Can you paint us
independently wealthy



so we don't have to
go to work anymore?

- Sure.
- Groovy, I'll buy it for you.

All right, Rembrandt, go
wake up your sisters.

All right!

( DAN SHOUTS )

Good morning, honey.

Good morning.

JACKIE: Supremes.

ALL: ♪ stop in the
name of love ♪

♪ before you break my
heart, think it o-o-over ♪

WOMAN: ♪ haven't I
been good to you ♪

♪ think it o-o-over ♪

♪ haven't I been sweet to you ♪

♪ stop in the name of love ♪

hey, you know we
sound pretty good.

I think we're ready to blow this
joint and take it on the road.

Yeah, we could do
up our hair big

and maybe get down some
groovy dance routines.

Yeah, and then we could
like go on the road

and O.D. On drugs
while some fat cat

rakes in our royalties
and we die penniless

and on welfare.

That's a pretty picture, sister.

We get up on the wrong
side of bed this morning?

There is no wrong side of the
bed when there's a man in it.

Well, there is if he's
still in the quilt

and snoring like a big, old hog.

Come on, 5:30!

Get me out of this
life-sucking dump now!

- I hear that.
- CRYSTAL: Oh.

Know what I do when I get
down about this joint?

You let a smile
be your umbrella.

No.

I fantasise about booker.

( BOTH GROANING )

Does this fantasy involve
cognac and candlelight?

- Um, definitely.
- What do you do,

douse him with the cognac
and then light him on fire?

- ( ALL GIGGLING ) - Quiet, you guys.
There he is.

Listen up everybody. I got an
important announcement to make.

You're a woman trapped
in a man's body?

That's very funny, Roseanne.

Actually, I wanted to inform you
about tonight's mandatory overtime.

- ROSEANNE: No!
- JACKIE: What?

I'm sorry. Machine #3 went down.

What's #3 got to do with us?

If I don't get that Jorgensen order
out, I'm looking at lay-offs.

Could have given
us some warning.

I didn't know the machine
was gonna break down.

I don't like this any
more than you do.

You don't do as much as we do.

Yeah, in fact, what
do you do, booker?

I fire people that
don't work overtime.

Hey, sis, give me a
quarter, would you?

- I gotta call up my kids.
- You know the rules, Roseanne.

Booker says we can only use
the phone at coffee breaks.

Oh, who died and left
you hall monitor?

Oh, cut it out.

It's gonna add up to a nice
piece of change for you guys.

Yeah, now we can
afford that stone lion

for our villa in France.

No, come on.

It's gonna be a
nice wad of cash.

Just give me the quarter

and keep your two
cents, would you, sis?

Jeez, there's more things
in life than money.

I know, I can't
afford any of 'em.

Will you call my house
for me, Roseanne?

Well, you know the
rules, Crystal.

My boy's babysitter
leaves at 5:30.

Ask her to stay till I get home?

- Will you cover for me?
- Deal. Hurry.

Hey. Where are you going?

I got a board of directors
meeting over here.

Look, this isn't a break. I
need you on the machine.

Well, I need you off my back.

I gotta call my
kids about dinner.

Do it on a break.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Call 'em at 5:15 and tell 'em
to break out a can of sardines?

Listen, Roseanne.
Look, I'm sorry.

It's not my problem.

Not now, but I mean it
could be your problem

'cause if I'm sitting there
worrying about my kids

I could screw up and you
wouldn't make your quota.

Come on, booker.

This is a chance to redeem
your really bad karma.

All right, make it snappy.

I don't want everybody
else in here making calls.

- Thanks, book.
- Uh-huh.

( TV PLAYING )

( PHONE RINGS )

( RINGING CONTINUES )

Hello?

- Becky?
- Oh, hi, mom.

Hi, honey, listen.
I've only got a second

and I need you to
do me a big favour.

Call up Dwight at the store,

and tell him to drive over
to your dad's job site.

He knows where it is. Are
you writing this down?

Yes, mother.

Okay, tell Dwight to tell dad...

you're not writing this
down at all, are you?

Yes, I am.

Becky.

All right.

Okay, tell Dwight to tell dad

that I got overtime tonight

so he has to pick up
dinner for you kids.

Great, can we get
chipper chicken?

Well, you can get happy
hamster for all I care.

Just make sure that you
fold up all the clothes

that are in the dryer, and
then take the garbage

out to the curb and make sure
you clean up the dishes.

Sure, mom. Bye.

Thanks, honey.

Darlene, get down here.

- Coming.
- ( GROANS )

What?

Take your books out of here
and put 'em up in your room.

But dad, I'm gonna do my
homework in here later.

Pick 'em up now. I want this place
cleaned up before your mother gets home.

Hello, yeah.

Give me a large deluxe with
everything, including anchovies.

- No anchovies.
- Just a minute.

- What do you want on your pizza?
- Pineapple.

Pineapple? This ain't
a luau, don ho.

I like it. It's yellow.

Yellow. Okay, yeah.
Make that pine...

yeah, I'll hold. Damn it!

Dad, where's the eyedropper?
I gotta give pebbles water.

Look in the junk drawer.

Yeah, right, that's
a large pizza

with everything,
pineapple, no anchovies.

714 Delaware street.

- Right, bye.
- What are you doing?

- Ordering dinner.
- Didn't you get my message?

I sure did, 10 minutes ago.

Becky!

Oh, boy! Punishment.

♪ Becky's dead meat,
Becky's dead meat ♪

- eat it, doggie breath.
- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oh, knock it off, both of you.

Well, I see you wrote it down.
You just didn't read it.

I'm sorry, okay? I spaced out.

Becky, I ask you to do one thing
and you didn't do any of 'em.

You gotta learn some
responsibility here.

I mean, you are the oldest daughter,
the second woman in command.

You're the heiress
to my throne here.

All right, I'll go fold
the royal underwear.

Everything's under control.
The pizza's on its way.

Everything is cool.

Ohmm…

This is a pretty picture.
Is this the one for school?

There's daddy and me

and Becky and you.

- Where's Darlene?
- Right there.

That looks like a
bunch of flowers.

I know. That'

hey, I heard about the overtime.
How long?

I don't know. Two weeks maybe.

Oh, man, that's really
gonna be tight.

I gotta finish
roofing that garage,

plus I got two
driveways to pour.

Plus Dwight says they might have
a drywall job lined up for me.

Plus we gotta live through it.

Well, hopefully we will, but it's
really gonna take some teamwork though.

Hey, Becky, get in here. We
gotta discuss something.

Oh, god, this ain't the
ward cleaver speech, is it?

Hey, guys, we got a tough
couple of weeks coming up here.

I'm gonna be working late. Your
mother's going on overtime.

So that means you guys are
going on overtime too.

In addition to your
regular chores,

you're really gonna have
to take up the slack here.

D.J.'s wiping paint on me!
What a nerd.

D.J., you know better than that.

Don't anybody move.
Pebbles got loose.

- Eww!
- Oh, for crying out loud.

BECKY: Oh, come here, baby.

Get that little rat
back in the box!

Eww!

Why did I even think I could
get anything accomplished?

Temporary insanity.

Oh, you stepped in some pebbles
of your own here, Dan.

That's it, I give up!

Well, you can't give up, honey.

All we need's a little organisation around
here. We'll assign everybody chores.

Yeah, we can make a list.
I'll write it down.

Spoken like a true heiress
to the throne here.

All right, I'm ready.

OKAY, RULE NUMBER ONE: No
painting in the house.

And rule number two...

no animals in the house.

RULE NUMBER THREE: No...

- DARLENE: Mom!
- No children in the house.

Well, at least we're gonna
make a little extra money.

That's what you think. I did
some figurin' last night.

By the time I pay my daytime
baby-sitter, and then pay her extra

to drive my boy across town
to the night-time sitter,

and then pay for
all the gasoline,

I figure this overtime is
costing me a $1.25 an hour.

- Don't forget to add in the guilt.
- Tell me about it.

Yeah, isn't it awful feeling
like an absentee mother?

Oh, qué milagro.
Look who's here.

Well, so glad you
could join us, sis.

Well, thanks for having me.

Well, I hope our work's not
getting in the way of your break.

A little bit, but hey,
we're all family.

Well, far be it from us to stand
in the way of your leisure time.

Maybe we could start coming in on
the weekends to take up your slack.

When I'm late, at least I don't
blame my husband and the kids.

No, you make up some
outrageous lie.

Hey, if I'm late it's
'cause I'm late.

Well, don't be and we'll
get out of here faster.

That's right. I'm sick of
working all these hours.

I'm sick of hearing
you whine about it.

Well, just start working
and we'll stop whining.

Get off of it!

It's bad enough I gotta
take that crap from booker.

I'm not gonna take
it from you guys.

Hey, knock off the
yelling in there.

We're just practising the
company cheer, booker.

- What the hell is this?
- CRYSTAL: What?

There's only two
prongs on these forks.

Somebody didn't check
the metering gauge.

All seven of these
cases are ruined.

- Who was on that gauge?
- Jackie.

Crystal.

I did it the first hour.
You were supposed to do it.

- No, I wasn't.
- Yes, you were.

- Don't blame me!
- Why not? It's your fault.

Ahh!

There, I feel better now.

The machine's all fixed.
Let's resume work.

All right, you're gonna have to
make up these seven cases for me.

- We could do it tomorrow, booker.
- No, you'll do it tonight.

You all have an extra
hour of overtime.

Give me a break!

You give me an extra set of seven cases
of forks, and I'll give you one.

I suppose you're gonna
point the finger at me.

Yeah, and you know which one.

( MUSIC PLAYING ON TV )

Hi, D.J. What are you doing?

Never mind. I don't care.

You know the rule is no
painting in the house.

I wanted to watch TV.

Well, you gotta fully
develop your brain first

before you rot it out.

Clean up your mess.

BECKY: Mom, where have you been?

I was supposed to go over to
Diiane's tonight and study.

- Diane who?
- Only my best friend since kindergarten.

Oh. Where's your daddy?

He went to pick up Darlene
at band practice.

Darlene who?

Becky? There's paint
all over the rug.

Oh, pebbles got loose and
ran across D.J.'s painting.

Well, this paint better come up, or that
pig's gonna be mounted above the fireplace.

Don't worry. It's washable.

Well, then wash it, and
find another place to live.

- But, dad!
- Don't "dad" me, young lady.

- I don't wanna hear another word.
- Where've you been?

Standing in front of south elementary gym for
the last hour looking for your daughter.

Mom, I couldn't help it.
The band room was locked.

For 45 minutes? I thought
you were kidnapped.

I wish I had been.

Well, go up to your room
and leave the window open.

Maybe you'll get lucky.

Where were you?

- I had an extra hour of overtime.
- Why didn't you call?

I did. I tried three times,
but the line was busy, Becky!

This house is falling apart.

What happened to
all those rules?

They're hanging right there
on the refrigerator door.

Hey, at least I help you
clean up the kitchen.

Oh, look! Oh, god.

Why is it a guy can hoist up a three-ton
truck to look for an oil leak,

but he can't lift a two-ounce
toaster to clean up crumbs?

Ah, nobody looks under there.

Well, nobody looks
in your ears either,

but you still clean
them, don't ya?

- What?
- ( LAUGHS )

I knew you were gonna say that.

What's that?

Macaroni. It'll burn off.

Well, so will the
ozone, eventually.

Hey, I do my part around here.

That's more than
most guys would do.

I do the cooking, the cleaning,
the laundry, plus I do my job.

Do I get a word of thanks? No.

Well, join the club.

Don't bellyache at
me no more, honey.

I had the worst day.

I got in a fight with Jackie,

and then Crystal
started crying and...

- what'd you wipe up this table with?
- With a dish rag.

With what, jelly all over it?

With syrup.

Ah, it'll burn off, I guess.

Hey, I'm gonna go lock
myself in the bathroom

and take a hot bath
and slit my wrists.

- I'll get you some clean towels.
- Thanks.

- You don't even wanna go in there.
- I don't?

D.J. Set off a paint bomb.

Oh, honey, don't worry.
I'll clean it up.

Mom, this paint is never
gonna come off the rug.

Go in there and get
that spot remover.

Help me clean up this mess, and
then we'll go tackle the bathroom.

Ha ha! I have your
slippers and your bear!

- Give 'em to me!
- Ha ha, nerd brain!

Would you kids knock it off
before somebody gets hurt?

- ( DARLENE LAUGHING )
- I mean it!

All right, that's enough.
That's enough.

Dan, I'm walking a
fine line here.

I gotta get out of
this house for a while.

You go on. Go, go, go, go.

Go on, I'll clean it up.
Don't worry.

- Are you sure?
- I'm positive.

Go on, honey. I'll take
care of everything.

- I'll help you later.
- ( DAN SIGHS )

Ha, ha, ha, ha! I
have your slippers.

Thanks, honey. I owe you one.

DARLENE: Peanut butter breath.
Ha, ha, ha!

I know.

- We're closed.
- Well, the sign says 10:00.

- It is 10:00.
- No.

My watch says I still
got eight minutes.

Well, my feet say we're closed.

Well, my eyes say that you're a woman
who's worked hard all your life

and you know what it's like
to work three hours overtime,

come home and see your house
all torn up by three kids

and have your old man yap about how he
does more than any other guy he knows,

and I need a cup of
coffee real bad.

- The coffee's cold.
- That's fine.

Oh, all right. I gotta
do my clean-up anyway.

- Bless you.
- Ha!

If I was blessed, I wouldn't
be working in this joint.

Well, I bet you I hate my job
worse than you hate yours.

- What do you do?
- I rob diners.

No.

I punch out plastic all
day in the factory.

Huh. Paradise compared
to this hell pit.

My other waitress quit
during the dinner rush.

Then I had an argument
with the dishwasher.

And as an added bonus, eight
square answers came in here,

spent three hours, and
left me a 78-cent tip.

Hey, I always wondered how
these things reproduced.

It's loads of fun.

Hey, let me ask you something.

Do you ever have
to work overtime?

Honey, my whole
life is overtime.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I gotta check
in the hospital just to get a vacation.

As long as it isn't
the maternity ward.

Well, that's the truth.

Could you possibly heat this up?

Help yourself. Microwave's
right over there.

You know what I feel like?

I've been thrown in a river
and handed some boulders

and told to swim upstream.

And it seems that all
the harder I swim,

the more boulders they hand me.

Honey, wait'll you try
it with arthritis.

( CHUCKLES )

Yeah, but you gotta
keep swimming, right?

'Cause that's what all of us
women do, just keep swimming.

Ain't that the truth?

You know what I used to
do when I was a kid?

I'd leave the lid
off these things

and leave it for the next
customer, real loose-like.

( CHUCKLES ) I still do.

You know what else I do when things
get a little tense around here?

What?

I deep-fry a couple
of dish towels.

Oh, that's great.

I hardly cook at all anymore.

( LAUGHS )

Well, you married?

I was.

My Marvin passed away
about seven years ago.

Oh. Sorry to hear that.

I miss him. He was a good man.

Hardest part is going home
at night to an empty house.

It's so damn quiet.

You know, sometimes I
turn on the ballgame

and turn it up real loud
like he used to do.

And I hate sports.

But what are you gonna do?

♪ sometimes it's hard ♪

♪ to be a woman ♪

( HUMS INSTRUMENTAL )

♪ givin' all your
love to one man ♪

- ( VOCALISING )
- ( DOOR OPENS )

- Hey, you.
- Hey, you.

Boy, this house
looks immaculate.

You didn't have to do it.
I would've helped.

Oh, that's okay. I saved
the bathroom for ya.

Oh, then you really do love me.

Here.

Thank you.

Where'd you find a flower
this time of night?

The cemetery.

Picking out my plot, eh?

The best day-old
coffee in the world.

- Feeling better?
- Much.

Well, that's good, 'cause
this paint ain't coming out.

Ah, forget about it.
We'll just move.

Hey, is that D.J.'s picture?

Yeah, that's the one he's
turning in at school.

DAN: Look at the
size of that sun.

Oh, he's really into yellow,
kind of like you and corn.

Yeah. Check out those flowers.

Kind of nice he can see something
pretty in all this mess.

I'm just glad Darlene's
alive in this one.

- Hey.
- Hmm?

- Did you make up our bed?
- Yes, ma'am.

Yeah, well, let's go unmake it.

Sure you're not too tired?

Never.

Well, all right, let's go.

- Okay, I'm going.
- Me too.

( SNORTS ) All right.

Count of three.

One,

two,

three.

Was it good for you?

I'm spent.

- Dan?
- Yeah?

Did you set that alarm?

No.

Well, you'd better.
You'll oversleep.

I don't care.

I'm not going to work tomorrow.

I'm entitled to a
little R and R.

Well, if you're not
going, I ain't going.

Fine.

Yeah.

I think I'll sleep till noon,

and then I'll go in and
leisurely read the paper

and sip my coffee,

then I might come back
to bed and take a nap.

Me too.

So we're agreed then?

Agreed.

Great.

- Dan?
- Yeah?

- Is the alarm set?
- Yep.