Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 6, Episode 20 - Immortal - full transcript
We get a look inside the Oompa Loompa writer's room; Jesus returns to his home in Heaven.
It's alive!
They just arrived!
There's a fat kid, a normal kid,
a greedy kid, and a TV watcher.
Okay, people, we got to write four new
oompa loompa rejection songs in an hour.
Okay, what if, uh, for the
fat kid, we're like...
♪ Don't eat ice cream ♪
♪ or cake or pie ♪
♪ if you wonder, you shouldn't ask why ♪
No!
W-what are we saying about cake?
So, uh, f-for the bubble-gum girl, how about...
♪ You've gotten
yourself into a sticky situation ♪
Got it!
We compare the fat kid
to an elephant, yeah?
Guys, that fat kid's already
in the chocolate river.
We need to go now!
Okay, let's just do the elephant
idea, and we'll improvise the rest.
Hoo! Hoo!
Eat at Hooters!
No thanks.
Their food's terrible.
You are missing the point of Hooters!
No, Hooters is missing the point
on how to prepare even the
most straightforward bar food.
We'll have to agree to disagree.
I agree to nothing, you dumb [bleep] owl!
Happy Birthday, Billy!
Look who showed up for your party.
Who wants a balloon?
Oh!
Game's up, joker!
Ohh! Ohh!
Stop!
T-that's not the joker!
Uh, that's just a
birthday clown we hired.
Huh.
This happens more often than you'd think.
A little help, buddy!
Really could've used a hand there.
You're just made of straw.
And so, the hobo-eating boxcar
had enticed another victim.
Pardon me, monsieur food critic.
Is something wrong?
Everything!
I'm giving your restaurant
my lowest marks.
A bad review will ruin us, Linguini!
Quick, get him a new plate!
No, I'm not finished hating it yet!
Oh, a rat!
It's a rat! It's a rat!
A cat!
Oh, sacre bleu -- a cat!
I'm sorry!
He threatened my family!
Ha!
Whew!
Excellent shot, monsieur policeman.
Ah, yes, but every dog has its day.
Not bad!
Warriors, come out play!
Warriors, come out to play!
All: Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, turn around!
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, touch the ground!
Whore!
When you've been out here as
long as I have, out on the
prairie, just you and nature and
the sky, you learn that it's all
about one thing.
What's your one thing?
I [bleep] cows.
I don't get it, Samson.
What is the plan again?
It's simple.
Those Philistines married
my wife to another man!
So I've trapped about 150 foxes and
tied them into pairs, tail to tail.
Now I'm going to attach a torch
to each fox team, light the
torches on fire, and let the teams of foxes
run wild through the philistine fields.
Get it?
It's stories like this that make
people not believe the Bible.
My house!
I don't think porky pig
owns that establishment.
We must've made a wrong
turn at Albuquerque.
Now, don't put all your
eggs in one basket.
Why not?
Daddy, what's that place?
That's a manure depot, son,
where manure is processed and
sold to customers.
Like a poo-poo factory?
That's right, son, like a poop factory.
Sir, that is a Hooters.
You're deliberately
misinforming your son.
Actually, I think I'm
being accurate as hell.
Take a good look!
80 years ago, this was cool as balls!
Now I look like a [bleep] ass [bleep]
The culture moves on, my friends.
The culture moves on.
Party weekend at the cabin!
Let's all toss a football around!
I say we all get high, yo!
I really have some studying to do!
Let's all have sex!
I'm not having sex until I
find that special someone.
Mm!
Wow, now, those are some efficient
character introductions.
Well, when you're making
entertainment to appease the
gods, you got to be clear about it.
H-hang on.
What's this about gods?
Yeah, in the old days, a simple
human sacrifice would do,
but the gods got more
sophisticated over time.
Wait a minute.
Isn't this exactly like
that Joss Whedon movie
"Cabin in the Woods"?
Co-written and directed by Drew Goddard.
Oh, I think I hear Roger
Ebert, but he can't talk
anymore, so who the [bleep] are you?!
I bet that basement is a
great place to get high!
Oh, maybe there are some
footballs down there.
Or books for reading!
Or a place to get our bone on!
Or a place to keep our penises
flaccid and our vaginas dry!
Entertainment for the gods,
are you guys are in charge of it?
There are lots of gods.
But currently, only one
God needs appeasing.
It's alive!
Well, g-guys that God looks exactly
like the average Adult Swim viewer.
Does he, or do Adult Swim
viewers look like him?
The point is, no one panders to
Adult Swim viewers the way we do.
The cellar is filled with talismans.
Whatever they choose, that's
what will kill them all!
If she opens one of those
books, they'll all be
impregnated by vampires.
If he opens that book, Alan
Moore will be very unhappy.
If he picks that up, they'll all
become so bored that they --
Hey, look, a "Robot Chicken"
nerd action figure.
Hi, everybody!
Ooh, it's spooky down here!
Yuck! Is that a spider?!
Okay, the second thing they
choosthat's what kills them all.
Where'd he come from?!
Oh, come on, guys, we can't have two nerds!
Ohh!
Zombie Joss Whedon!
All right!
Somebody found the "Buffy" DVDs!
Gross!
I thought this was a
cheerleading documentary.
Why is Joss Whedon a zombie?
Punishment.
We told him about this place over drinks.
The next thing we know, "Cabin in the
Woods" was in theaters nationwide.
People weren't necessarily
in those theaters.
Well, regardless, we made him a zombie.
Aah!
Now you cut short like
my TV series "Firefly"!
You bastard!
We were gonna be together forever!
Oh!
That's short-sighted, like fox execs
when they canceled "Dollhouse."
Being chased by a zombie
fills me with anxiety.
Hey, you know what's good for anxiety?
Getting high!
Oh!
[Bleep] network TV!
Is the point I was making earlier.
Okay, here's where it gets tricky.
The virgin has to die last.
We're 3/4 of the way through this
thing, and you drop that bombshell now?
Come on!
I'm gonna get into the
hole under the bush!
The hell you will!
Oh.
What is this place?
Uh-oh!
They discovered our zoo!
You know, our zoo of mythical
creatures and monsters and
animals that --
Thanks. Got it.
Aah!
Whoa!
He's Skeletor!
On my planet, you would be Nerd-Dor,
Lord of Crusty Sock Mountain!
Honestly, kid off.
Oh, no, it's locked!
Try pulling the switch
labeled "unlocked"!
Whoops!
It turns counterclockwise!
Just go!
Grr! Argh!
Wait, I figured it out!
We're re-enacting a horror movie!
The virgin always dies last.
Both: So I guess I'm next!
Wait, you mean you're a -- me too!
Wow, it's literally [bleep] or die!
So... I haven't decided yet.
Grr! Argh!
Oh! Oh!
Wait a minute.
So, I put this in there?
Yes!
Now just move it back and
forth for 30 to 40 minutes.
And finished!
Thank you!
I waited 23 years for that?!
We win!
I can't believe it.
They won!
The earth is doomed!
Holy crap!
So now that God destroys us all?!
Maybe not!
His generation is really sporadic
with their viewing habits.
He could catch it online in a
few weeks or next year when the
DVD box set comes out!
Both: Hi, Keith. Hi, Lazzo.
You dumbasses realize
you're canceled, right?
Both: Yes.
Looks like Adult Swim needs a new show.
So, there's this security
guard named Zeb.
He's strict but fair, and his co-workers
are all wacky but in different ways.
I'm gonna stop you right there.
Who the [bleep] are you?
They just arrived!
There's a fat kid, a normal kid,
a greedy kid, and a TV watcher.
Okay, people, we got to write four new
oompa loompa rejection songs in an hour.
Okay, what if, uh, for the
fat kid, we're like...
♪ Don't eat ice cream ♪
♪ or cake or pie ♪
♪ if you wonder, you shouldn't ask why ♪
No!
W-what are we saying about cake?
So, uh, f-for the bubble-gum girl, how about...
♪ You've gotten
yourself into a sticky situation ♪
Got it!
We compare the fat kid
to an elephant, yeah?
Guys, that fat kid's already
in the chocolate river.
We need to go now!
Okay, let's just do the elephant
idea, and we'll improvise the rest.
Hoo! Hoo!
Eat at Hooters!
No thanks.
Their food's terrible.
You are missing the point of Hooters!
No, Hooters is missing the point
on how to prepare even the
most straightforward bar food.
We'll have to agree to disagree.
I agree to nothing, you dumb [bleep] owl!
Happy Birthday, Billy!
Look who showed up for your party.
Who wants a balloon?
Oh!
Game's up, joker!
Ohh! Ohh!
Stop!
T-that's not the joker!
Uh, that's just a
birthday clown we hired.
Huh.
This happens more often than you'd think.
A little help, buddy!
Really could've used a hand there.
You're just made of straw.
And so, the hobo-eating boxcar
had enticed another victim.
Pardon me, monsieur food critic.
Is something wrong?
Everything!
I'm giving your restaurant
my lowest marks.
A bad review will ruin us, Linguini!
Quick, get him a new plate!
No, I'm not finished hating it yet!
Oh, a rat!
It's a rat! It's a rat!
A cat!
Oh, sacre bleu -- a cat!
I'm sorry!
He threatened my family!
Ha!
Whew!
Excellent shot, monsieur policeman.
Ah, yes, but every dog has its day.
Not bad!
Warriors, come out play!
Warriors, come out to play!
All: Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, turn around!
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, touch the ground!
Whore!
When you've been out here as
long as I have, out on the
prairie, just you and nature and
the sky, you learn that it's all
about one thing.
What's your one thing?
I [bleep] cows.
I don't get it, Samson.
What is the plan again?
It's simple.
Those Philistines married
my wife to another man!
So I've trapped about 150 foxes and
tied them into pairs, tail to tail.
Now I'm going to attach a torch
to each fox team, light the
torches on fire, and let the teams of foxes
run wild through the philistine fields.
Get it?
It's stories like this that make
people not believe the Bible.
My house!
I don't think porky pig
owns that establishment.
We must've made a wrong
turn at Albuquerque.
Now, don't put all your
eggs in one basket.
Why not?
Daddy, what's that place?
That's a manure depot, son,
where manure is processed and
sold to customers.
Like a poo-poo factory?
That's right, son, like a poop factory.
Sir, that is a Hooters.
You're deliberately
misinforming your son.
Actually, I think I'm
being accurate as hell.
Take a good look!
80 years ago, this was cool as balls!
Now I look like a [bleep] ass [bleep]
The culture moves on, my friends.
The culture moves on.
Party weekend at the cabin!
Let's all toss a football around!
I say we all get high, yo!
I really have some studying to do!
Let's all have sex!
I'm not having sex until I
find that special someone.
Mm!
Wow, now, those are some efficient
character introductions.
Well, when you're making
entertainment to appease the
gods, you got to be clear about it.
H-hang on.
What's this about gods?
Yeah, in the old days, a simple
human sacrifice would do,
but the gods got more
sophisticated over time.
Wait a minute.
Isn't this exactly like
that Joss Whedon movie
"Cabin in the Woods"?
Co-written and directed by Drew Goddard.
Oh, I think I hear Roger
Ebert, but he can't talk
anymore, so who the [bleep] are you?!
I bet that basement is a
great place to get high!
Oh, maybe there are some
footballs down there.
Or books for reading!
Or a place to get our bone on!
Or a place to keep our penises
flaccid and our vaginas dry!
Entertainment for the gods,
are you guys are in charge of it?
There are lots of gods.
But currently, only one
God needs appeasing.
It's alive!
Well, g-guys that God looks exactly
like the average Adult Swim viewer.
Does he, or do Adult Swim
viewers look like him?
The point is, no one panders to
Adult Swim viewers the way we do.
The cellar is filled with talismans.
Whatever they choose, that's
what will kill them all!
If she opens one of those
books, they'll all be
impregnated by vampires.
If he opens that book, Alan
Moore will be very unhappy.
If he picks that up, they'll all
become so bored that they --
Hey, look, a "Robot Chicken"
nerd action figure.
Hi, everybody!
Ooh, it's spooky down here!
Yuck! Is that a spider?!
Okay, the second thing they
choosthat's what kills them all.
Where'd he come from?!
Oh, come on, guys, we can't have two nerds!
Ohh!
Zombie Joss Whedon!
All right!
Somebody found the "Buffy" DVDs!
Gross!
I thought this was a
cheerleading documentary.
Why is Joss Whedon a zombie?
Punishment.
We told him about this place over drinks.
The next thing we know, "Cabin in the
Woods" was in theaters nationwide.
People weren't necessarily
in those theaters.
Well, regardless, we made him a zombie.
Aah!
Now you cut short like
my TV series "Firefly"!
You bastard!
We were gonna be together forever!
Oh!
That's short-sighted, like fox execs
when they canceled "Dollhouse."
Being chased by a zombie
fills me with anxiety.
Hey, you know what's good for anxiety?
Getting high!
Oh!
[Bleep] network TV!
Is the point I was making earlier.
Okay, here's where it gets tricky.
The virgin has to die last.
We're 3/4 of the way through this
thing, and you drop that bombshell now?
Come on!
I'm gonna get into the
hole under the bush!
The hell you will!
Oh.
What is this place?
Uh-oh!
They discovered our zoo!
You know, our zoo of mythical
creatures and monsters and
animals that --
Thanks. Got it.
Aah!
Whoa!
He's Skeletor!
On my planet, you would be Nerd-Dor,
Lord of Crusty Sock Mountain!
Honestly, kid off.
Oh, no, it's locked!
Try pulling the switch
labeled "unlocked"!
Whoops!
It turns counterclockwise!
Just go!
Grr! Argh!
Wait, I figured it out!
We're re-enacting a horror movie!
The virgin always dies last.
Both: So I guess I'm next!
Wait, you mean you're a -- me too!
Wow, it's literally [bleep] or die!
So... I haven't decided yet.
Grr! Argh!
Oh! Oh!
Wait a minute.
So, I put this in there?
Yes!
Now just move it back and
forth for 30 to 40 minutes.
And finished!
Thank you!
I waited 23 years for that?!
We win!
I can't believe it.
They won!
The earth is doomed!
Holy crap!
So now that God destroys us all?!
Maybe not!
His generation is really sporadic
with their viewing habits.
He could catch it online in a
few weeks or next year when the
DVD box set comes out!
Both: Hi, Keith. Hi, Lazzo.
You dumbasses realize
you're canceled, right?
Both: Yes.
Looks like Adult Swim needs a new show.
So, there's this security
guard named Zeb.
He's strict but fair, and his co-workers
are all wacky but in different ways.
I'm gonna stop you right there.
Who the [bleep] are you?