Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 6, Episode 1 - Executed by the State - full transcript
Season Six flies in with a brand spankin' new opening credit sequence! The Robot Chicken writers put G.I. Joe up to his biggest challenge yet.
It's alive!
Go, go, gadget go-go!
I think this photo shoot
is premature, Jerry.
We haven't even decided whether
we'll be a coffee company or a
studio specializing in mermaid porn!
Either way, we're gonna need a logo.
Ooh, let's shoot the sexy one first!
That model was someone's child, and she
died in a topless mermaid costume!
It was an accident.
That was a sign from God!
We're not doing mermaid porn, got it?!
Fine, fine, we'll do the coffee thing!
But we still need a logo, and
photo shoots ain't cheap.
We'll use this in her memory.
Uh... we'll crop it!
That was the best 10" cube
of tofu I've ever had!
I hope someday in the future,
everyone goes vegetarian.
I am from the future -- a future
where everyone is vegetarian!
Awesome!
That's wonderful!
You don't understand!
Run!
Hey, there, buddy.
I'm one of the good one--
So, you're saying with no
natural enemies, cows became
Earth's dominant species, and since
cows don't know right from wrong...
Cows became the ultimate
killing machines.
Shoot the cow!
I can't kill an animal!
But I'll knock an animal
the [bleep] out!!
Is that really necessary?
Quickly! Eat this burger!
It's the only way to avoid vegetarian
future and change the timeline.
I can't!
Trust me!
I can't!!
Time-out, guys. T.O.!
I want to be real clear on this.
You would die to avoid compromising
your vegetarian principles?
Yeah, yeah, I would!
Even if it means I die, too.
Well, I mean, I-it's the
principle of the thing.
And consequently, all
human beings on earth?
What do you want me to say?!
I want you to admit
it's not about meat.
You're actually just a
narcissist and a contrarian, and
being a vegetarian is about
setting yourself apart in order
to feel superior to the rest of us!
I -- I -- I -- fine.
Give me the burger.
Mmm.
You did it!
You saved the human race!
Oh, but I don't feel special
and superior anymore.
I'm sure you'll find that thing that
makes you feel special again, Katie.
What were you thinking, Sabrina, using
your magic to turn Harvey's hair purple?
Here's a better question, aunt Hilda.
If you know magic, why
are you still fat?
Season-one callback, jerks!
Whoo-hoo!
Both: I feel the need,
the need for... speed!
Dick!
Eh, did you just say "dick"?
No, I thought you said "dick."
Meep-meep!
Meep.
Meep-meep.
And now back to...
Hey, Evie, want to go out with me on Friday?
Eh...Pass.
V.E.N.O.M. will never
suspect that this ordinary
gas station is really the
headquarters of our new
high-tech crime-fighting team, M.A.S.K.
I can't hear a word he's saying.
Gloria, can you hear Matt?
Did you just call me fat?
Okay, I know they look cool, but
there's no need to wear these inside.
Come on. Masks off.
Hey! Anyone here?!
I think your -- your pump's broken!
Now, I don't want to alarm
anybody, but the agents of
V.E.N.O.M. already have
their acronym figured out.
They're really up our asses.
I'd like to get up Gloria's ass.
What did you say?
I said I hate V.E.N.O.M.!
No, you didn't.
You misheard me because of my mask.
Hey, buddy! Get a move on!
Well, it's not my fault, so lay off!
Is he paying by check or something?
Look, I can't find an attendant,
so what do you want me to do?!
Mobile-attack...serial killers!
Like we'll murder V.E.N.O.M.'s ass!
You're not even trying!
What if we just call ourselves
H.E.L.M.E.T. --
The heroic, elite legion making...
elite...tacos.
Uh-oh!
It sounds like V.E.N.O.M.'s onto us.
Bruce...you know what to do.
Why's the freaking open sign on?
I don't even think this
is a functioning pump!
Here's my comment card, you [bleep]
Say hello to Miles Mayhem... in hell!
I just wanted a tank of gas!
Oh, these are civilians.
Think we better get used
to wearing these masks.
The forces of H.E.L.M.E.T.
were never here.
Talk! Talk, damn you!
I ain't saying nothin'!
Get my lawyer!
No! Aah! Ow! Ow! All right!
The body's buried near
the river, west of town!
Good job, Officer Pixar Lamp!
Thwip, thwip!
Thwip, thwip... smash!
Smash...
Excelsior!
Hey, that's called "character
branding," true believers!
I invented it!
Um, is that
really -- I said I invented it!
Pull over, boy.
Always in search of the perfect
ingredients for our gourmet brand of
Orville Redenbacher popcorn!
Once a corn man, always a corn
man, huh, grandpa Orville?
Once a second banana, always
a second banana, Gary.
Now stop this car.
How's that corn lookin', grandpa?
Wet.
Sorry, son.
At my age, it takes a while
to turn off the spigot.
Now, what are you doing in the middle
of a cornfield all by yourself?
The outsiders will be sacrificed to the
thing that dwells among the stalks!
Son, you've got a choice --
either let us go or I'm gonna
tie this bow tie around your
[bleep] right before I cut it off.
Foolish old man!
As long as I serve the thing
that dwells among the stalks, I
shall live forever!
Live forever, ah?
That sure would come in handy
if the octogenarian face of a
worldwide corporation ever died.
You ever try and re-animate Mboy, I'll
rip your nuts off from beyond the grave!
What are we gonna do, grandpa?
We're trapped in the
cornfield with a demon!
No, Gary.
That demon's trapped in
a cornfield with me.
Ow! Get it out, grandpa!
Pop pop, mother [bleep]
I'm a man of my word, Cyrus.
Oh, n-o-o-o-o!
Hey, there.
How'd you like to --
Ew, get lost.
Hey, there.
How'd you like to --
I thought you were into spoons.
I go both ways.
And finally, Joes, "don't ask,
don't tell" has been abolished.
So, chuckles, if there's anything
you'd like to tell us, I'm askin'!
Oh, roadblock, you look different.
Duke, I don't know what's
done me this harm!
I woke up this mornin', me
and flint had switched arms!
I can't touch Lady Jaye-- not with these!
Oh, guys, I think I might be a racist.
Snake eyes, what happened to you?
You look like someone tried to
paint you like spider-man, then
tossed you in the grass!
Has this happened to anyone else?
Scarlett?
C-cover yourself, woman!
Huh? Oh!!
I don't know how Cobra's doing this,
but I'm damn well gonna find out!
Yo, Joe!
Cobra?!
Put your checkbooks away 'cause
this one's coming out of your ass!
Whatever voodoo you're using to
mangle us, we've had enough!
My helmet's not made to come off!
I look like Ebert under here,
and not Ebert in his prime!
And what are you so surprised about?
We removed this from
Dr. Mindbender's mouth!
What's going on here?
I want to see cobra commander now!
I -- I couldn't
stop it -- a giant hand from the
heavens taping me to what looked like
enormous, brightly colored dynamite!
What kind of nonsense
are you blathering?
Whoa! Oh, what did this?
We're nothing, you see, playthings
that have bored our fickle God.
It's judgment day!
Duke! I'm scared!
Don't worry, Scarlett.
We'll find whoever -- or
whatever -- has done this to us!
Oh, no!
Please don't take my face--
my beautiful face!
Got ya, you massive abomination!
Yo, Joe!
Uh, did we just kill a kid?
I mean, yo, Joe, but I
think that was a kid.
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
Go, go, gadget go-go!
I think this photo shoot
is premature, Jerry.
We haven't even decided whether
we'll be a coffee company or a
studio specializing in mermaid porn!
Either way, we're gonna need a logo.
Ooh, let's shoot the sexy one first!
That model was someone's child, and she
died in a topless mermaid costume!
It was an accident.
That was a sign from God!
We're not doing mermaid porn, got it?!
Fine, fine, we'll do the coffee thing!
But we still need a logo, and
photo shoots ain't cheap.
We'll use this in her memory.
Uh... we'll crop it!
That was the best 10" cube
of tofu I've ever had!
I hope someday in the future,
everyone goes vegetarian.
I am from the future -- a future
where everyone is vegetarian!
Awesome!
That's wonderful!
You don't understand!
Run!
Hey, there, buddy.
I'm one of the good one--
So, you're saying with no
natural enemies, cows became
Earth's dominant species, and since
cows don't know right from wrong...
Cows became the ultimate
killing machines.
Shoot the cow!
I can't kill an animal!
But I'll knock an animal
the [bleep] out!!
Is that really necessary?
Quickly! Eat this burger!
It's the only way to avoid vegetarian
future and change the timeline.
I can't!
Trust me!
I can't!!
Time-out, guys. T.O.!
I want to be real clear on this.
You would die to avoid compromising
your vegetarian principles?
Yeah, yeah, I would!
Even if it means I die, too.
Well, I mean, I-it's the
principle of the thing.
And consequently, all
human beings on earth?
What do you want me to say?!
I want you to admit
it's not about meat.
You're actually just a
narcissist and a contrarian, and
being a vegetarian is about
setting yourself apart in order
to feel superior to the rest of us!
I -- I -- I -- fine.
Give me the burger.
Mmm.
You did it!
You saved the human race!
Oh, but I don't feel special
and superior anymore.
I'm sure you'll find that thing that
makes you feel special again, Katie.
What were you thinking, Sabrina, using
your magic to turn Harvey's hair purple?
Here's a better question, aunt Hilda.
If you know magic, why
are you still fat?
Season-one callback, jerks!
Whoo-hoo!
Both: I feel the need,
the need for... speed!
Dick!
Eh, did you just say "dick"?
No, I thought you said "dick."
Meep-meep!
Meep.
Meep-meep.
And now back to...
Hey, Evie, want to go out with me on Friday?
Eh...Pass.
V.E.N.O.M. will never
suspect that this ordinary
gas station is really the
headquarters of our new
high-tech crime-fighting team, M.A.S.K.
I can't hear a word he's saying.
Gloria, can you hear Matt?
Did you just call me fat?
Okay, I know they look cool, but
there's no need to wear these inside.
Come on. Masks off.
Hey! Anyone here?!
I think your -- your pump's broken!
Now, I don't want to alarm
anybody, but the agents of
V.E.N.O.M. already have
their acronym figured out.
They're really up our asses.
I'd like to get up Gloria's ass.
What did you say?
I said I hate V.E.N.O.M.!
No, you didn't.
You misheard me because of my mask.
Hey, buddy! Get a move on!
Well, it's not my fault, so lay off!
Is he paying by check or something?
Look, I can't find an attendant,
so what do you want me to do?!
Mobile-attack...serial killers!
Like we'll murder V.E.N.O.M.'s ass!
You're not even trying!
What if we just call ourselves
H.E.L.M.E.T. --
The heroic, elite legion making...
elite...tacos.
Uh-oh!
It sounds like V.E.N.O.M.'s onto us.
Bruce...you know what to do.
Why's the freaking open sign on?
I don't even think this
is a functioning pump!
Here's my comment card, you [bleep]
Say hello to Miles Mayhem... in hell!
I just wanted a tank of gas!
Oh, these are civilians.
Think we better get used
to wearing these masks.
The forces of H.E.L.M.E.T.
were never here.
Talk! Talk, damn you!
I ain't saying nothin'!
Get my lawyer!
No! Aah! Ow! Ow! All right!
The body's buried near
the river, west of town!
Good job, Officer Pixar Lamp!
Thwip, thwip!
Thwip, thwip... smash!
Smash...
Excelsior!
Hey, that's called "character
branding," true believers!
I invented it!
Um, is that
really -- I said I invented it!
Pull over, boy.
Always in search of the perfect
ingredients for our gourmet brand of
Orville Redenbacher popcorn!
Once a corn man, always a corn
man, huh, grandpa Orville?
Once a second banana, always
a second banana, Gary.
Now stop this car.
How's that corn lookin', grandpa?
Wet.
Sorry, son.
At my age, it takes a while
to turn off the spigot.
Now, what are you doing in the middle
of a cornfield all by yourself?
The outsiders will be sacrificed to the
thing that dwells among the stalks!
Son, you've got a choice --
either let us go or I'm gonna
tie this bow tie around your
[bleep] right before I cut it off.
Foolish old man!
As long as I serve the thing
that dwells among the stalks, I
shall live forever!
Live forever, ah?
That sure would come in handy
if the octogenarian face of a
worldwide corporation ever died.
You ever try and re-animate Mboy, I'll
rip your nuts off from beyond the grave!
What are we gonna do, grandpa?
We're trapped in the
cornfield with a demon!
No, Gary.
That demon's trapped in
a cornfield with me.
Ow! Get it out, grandpa!
Pop pop, mother [bleep]
I'm a man of my word, Cyrus.
Oh, n-o-o-o-o!
Hey, there.
How'd you like to --
Ew, get lost.
Hey, there.
How'd you like to --
I thought you were into spoons.
I go both ways.
And finally, Joes, "don't ask,
don't tell" has been abolished.
So, chuckles, if there's anything
you'd like to tell us, I'm askin'!
Oh, roadblock, you look different.
Duke, I don't know what's
done me this harm!
I woke up this mornin', me
and flint had switched arms!
I can't touch Lady Jaye-- not with these!
Oh, guys, I think I might be a racist.
Snake eyes, what happened to you?
You look like someone tried to
paint you like spider-man, then
tossed you in the grass!
Has this happened to anyone else?
Scarlett?
C-cover yourself, woman!
Huh? Oh!!
I don't know how Cobra's doing this,
but I'm damn well gonna find out!
Yo, Joe!
Cobra?!
Put your checkbooks away 'cause
this one's coming out of your ass!
Whatever voodoo you're using to
mangle us, we've had enough!
My helmet's not made to come off!
I look like Ebert under here,
and not Ebert in his prime!
And what are you so surprised about?
We removed this from
Dr. Mindbender's mouth!
What's going on here?
I want to see cobra commander now!
I -- I couldn't
stop it -- a giant hand from the
heavens taping me to what looked like
enormous, brightly colored dynamite!
What kind of nonsense
are you blathering?
Whoa! Oh, what did this?
We're nothing, you see, playthings
that have bored our fickle God.
It's judgment day!
Duke! I'm scared!
Don't worry, Scarlett.
We'll find whoever -- or
whatever -- has done this to us!
Oh, no!
Please don't take my face--
my beautiful face!
Got ya, you massive abomination!
Yo, Joe!
Uh, did we just kill a kid?
I mean, yo, Joe, but I
think that was a kid.
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
Ba-gawk! Bawk.