Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 5, Episode 4 - Kramer Vs. Showgirls - full transcript

Kim Possible's Dr. Drakken gets sent to prison, NASA's Lego people have a very bad launch day; see how Andy treats his toys after he comes home from college in Toy Story 4. All this and more from the minds of the creators.

It's alive!

Lift-off in 3...

2...

1...

Ignition.

Sir, launch failure!

Launch failure!

Oh, my kids 6 to 12!

Scramble emergency crews!

And someone better get
me answers... and now!

We're trying, sir.



Most of these computers
are just painted on!

Damn budget cuts!

Aah!

The pilots are still inside!

It's no use!

The window and the axe are
made of the same material!

They're done for.

Out of my way!

Let's see how this door
likes 450 horsepower.

Oh, it's a no go!

The cable snapped like
it was made of thread!

Aah! They're burning alive!

Their faces!

Their horrible faces!



Well, it would appear that
there was a missing 1x2 brick

from the space-shuttle assembly kit.

It was believed at the time
that we could finish the vessel

without affecting the
demanding launch schedule.

In hindsight... Aah!
It's all our fault!

We were playing God, and you know it!

Oh!

And then, at the funeral, the
LEGO astronaut's wife meets her

husband's mistress.

Does she have big tits?

May I join you?

Of course, Mr. Bond.

Aah!

Aah!

Ungh!

Awesome!

That was the best movie ever!

I've never...

And top off that happy meal
with a tasty apple pie.

Warning... apple pies are hot.

Do not stick your [bleep] in
the McDonald's apple pie.

What do you call Wilmer
Valderrama's mom?

A fez dispenser!

Oh!

I'll be here all week!

Mommy, those people look like ants.

Oh, that's because we're landing
in the Kingdom of the Ants!

Aaah!

Ah-ha! I got you.

I'm just kidding.

Would you mind keeping it down?

I'm trying to read.

Oh, what the.

Oh, no! No, no, no!

Okay, guys, Andy's almost home
from college for spring break!

Why would they celebrate
a spring breaking?

That's the saddest time for me.

Oh, slink.

Silly canine.

What a freaking jerk.

Andy's here!

All right, ladies!

Single file, front and center!

Commander in chief on the premises!

You mean Obama?

He's not my president.

Tell my story!

Etch!

What's going on up there?

Oh, lord!

You've got to help that girl, sarge.

Oh, God!

She won't stop screaming!

What does "[bleep] my
box dry" even mean?!

This is awesome!

Oh! Oof!

Aw, damn it!

I left my favorite toy
back at the dorm.

His favorite toy?

Time to improvise.

Aah!

What's he doing with Buzz?

Yes!

And ready for a test drive.

He didn't. Not Buzz.

To infinity and beyond!

Domino, mother.

Buzz?

Buzzed by Buzz!

You okay?

Hello, Woody!

Do you know what my daddy did?

Poop!

He pooped!

♪ Boop-de-doop doop boop ♪

Ah, somebody left some
poop in his pants.

It's okay, pal.

We're here for you.

And the farmer, he hauls...
Another load away!

Bye, load! Bye, load!

Good night, sweet prince.

We gonna play tomorrow?

You bet, pal. You bet.

To infinity...

And beyond.

Garfield, we have some bad news.

Oh, someone got a case of the Mondays?

You have type-2 diabetes.

Oh, Garfield!

Your love of lasagna was your undoing.

Actually, his astoundingly
irresponsible owner was his undoing.

Whoa!

Garfield plays by his own rules, Liz.

We need to remove all four feet.

W-what? Hands, too?

You don't have hands, Garfield.

You're not people.

You're a pet with no job or
income who somehow managed to

consume enormous quantities of
Italian cuisine year after year.

How much is this going to cost?

Oh, about $2,200.

Uh, no. No.

Jon?

You did this to him!

That's like a used car, man!

I can't drop that kind of
cash into a 13-year-old cat!

Unh-unh.

No.

No!

Negatory, good buddy.

Not givin' you... No.

What's it gonna be, Garfield two...
dry food or

spaghetti and meatballs?!

Excellent.

I knew you'd make the right choice.

Attention, everyone.

We are now in orbit around the
planet of hot chicks who turn

out to be monsters.

But they're friendly monsters,
and they're very horny.

Unfortunately, they have razor-sharp
teeth in their vaginas.

Although they do have 10 breasts each.

Oh, and the ship is on fire.

Everyone remembers the
heroic heroism that made

captain "Sully" Sullenberger a hero.

But while one hero was born,
another died in the bowels of

the jet engine... Launchpad McQuack.

For not filing an FAA flight
plan, he and 17 seagulls paid

the ultimate price.

All too common.

The decade we called the '90s
introduced characters we thought

we'd never forget, and then we did.

Darkwing Duck remembers.

Launchpad was his sidekick
from 1991 to 1995.

Oh, that idiot!

I lost everything in the flight
1549 class-action lawsuit.

And life, being a cruel bitch,
now my daughter Gosalyn here

needs money for a kidney transplant.

So I've donated my body.

To science?

To this Chinese restaurant.

Let's get dangerous.

Hey, hey, hold on! Wait!

Hold on!

You said this would be humane!

Wait! Wait! Stop! Stop!

What the hell?!

Hey, at least slit my throat first!

Aah! Kill me!

Come on, what the.

Aah! Aaaaaah!!

Live ones cook better.

There's Waldo.

He hid from our eyes, but
never from our hearts.

Later, he became a follower of
the reverend Moonrise Sunbeam

and took up permanent
residence on his compound.

Well, I got tired of always
standing out in the crowd.

From now on, I just want to be
part of something bigger, man.

Brother Waldo, come join
us for some fruit punch.

On August 12, 1998, all of
America played "Where's Waldo"

one last time on CNN.

There he is.

Mesagog planned to send the
earth back to the mesozoic era...

That is, until the Power Rangers
defeated him with

mild gymnastics.

Turning humanity into dinosaurs...
How's that going?

Well, I assume you're being
facetious, since as you can

clearly see, I'm now the
manager of a Wendy's.

I'm trying to treat it
like a minor setback.

The big roadblock was
the dinosaur DNA...

Mr. Mesagog! Mr. Mesagog!

Yo, Triple Stack... Does it go
cheese, bacon, meat, cheese,

bacon, meat, cheese, bacon, meat;
or meat, bacon, cheese,

meat, bacon, cheese, meat, bacon, cheese;
or bacon, bacon,

cheese, bacon, meat,
cheese, meat, meat?

I always forget, yo.

Cheese, bacon, meat, meat, meat,
bacon, cheese, bacon, cheese.

For a different perspective, I
caught up with Pinky and the

Brain, still incarcerated at
ACME labs as test subjects.

Oh, the glory days when
me and Brain was mates.

Narf!

Moved him to a different cage, see?

'Member his big noggin? Zort!

Thought he was smart, but
it was paget's disease.

Side effects include
crippling arthritis.

Oh, and I'm blind.

So, Pinky... What'd you say, friend?

You'll have to speak into
the giant human ear!

Troz!

Ooh!

Remember Daria?

I know. Yuck!

I was anxious to get an
acerbic, dry-witted take on

the tumultuous '90s from this
anti-feminine, basically

asexual, boy-repelling train wreck.

Thanks for sitting
down with us, Daria.

It's Daryl now.

All those years, I thought I was
an exceptionally gross girl,

when, in fact, I was a beautiful man.

I see. How did this happen?

Well, first they enlarged my
clitoris with androgenic hormones.

Then they fashioned my labia
into a makeshift scrotum.

Life's a crazy ride,
especially if you have your

urethra rerouted.

Sad fates for beloved characters
from such a recent era.

Let us forever hold
them in our hearts.

Dinner is served!

Dad?

This...still has a face on it.

E-e-e-e-e-e-e!