Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 5, Episode 1 - Saving Private Gigli - full transcript
Season Five of Robot Chicken opens with a bang on the beaches of Normandy!
All right.
We've been doing this
for four seasons.
You know the drill.
Fast and hard, people.
Blam! Let's give them all a
taste of the bitch pudding!
I can't promise everyone they'll
survive season five, but
I know you'll make me proud.
Sunshine Cowboy, you're new,
so I'm expecting great things.
Let's do it!
Aah!
Aw!
I'll tell your story.
I'll tell
Seth Green's story.
Your story has less commercial appeal.
No! Water!
My only weakness!
Aw, bullets!
My only weakness!
Oh!
Geez, I can't believe they
think a "Saving Private Ryan"
parody is still fresh and original.
I need a medic up in this bitch!
Looks like someone
hasn't been flossing.
Ow! You one-dimensional
son of a whore!
Our father, who farts in
heaven, Halloween thy name!
Oh!
Who's even shooting at us?!
It's just a metaphor for
season five, stupid!
Aw, "Parent Trap," "Mean Girls,"
"Herbie," "Georgia Rule. "
"I Know Who Killed Me. "
Sync by honeybunny
www. addic7ed. com
Ba-bawk!
# Robot chicke-e-e-e-e-n #
# robot chicke-e-e-e-e-n #
# thank you, Jesus, we're renewed #
# without a paycheck,
we'd be screwed, oh! #
# I spent mine on meth #
# so did Matt and Seth #
# I'm not gonna lie to you #
# no! #
# robot chicke-e-e-e-e-n #
# robot chicke-e-e-e-e-n, ow! #
Ah-choo!
I- is someone there?
I tried.
Sorry, honey, sorry.
I just got to crap like a bastard.
I can't wait.
This is getting... Oh, boy, that is...
Here comes the second!
Oh, God!
So long, assholes!
I won't last 10 days in prison.
Blockheads, you are charged
with murder in the first degree
of Glen Gumberson, A.K.A. Gumby.
How does the jury find?
Guilty as
Sentencing is scheduled for...
Now, and it's death.
Mom, can we have a snack?
Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
Voldemort! Hey, no-nose!
Smell you later, sir.
Where's your nose, man?
I'm sick of all the stares.
I want the nose job.
This is a big decision.
You need to be 100% sure you're ready.
I'm ready.
Cut me!
...A nice nose...
That is a great-looking nose.
Nose.
Wonderful no...
Ow!
Thanks for the new wand,
Mr. Ollivander.
Nothing's too good for James Potter.
Ow! My no... Ow!
Oh, do you validate?
Sorry, no.
I'll get you, Potter, someday!
Hey, Voldemort, why
so bent out of shape?
He looks angry enough to
kill that guy's baby.
I can watch my kids bang
on pots and pans at home for free.
Please, God, make it stop.
I can't do it anymore.
# Oh! Hoo-ah! #
# oh! Hoo-ah! #
I can't take it anymore.
Make it stop.
Make it stop.
Make it stop.
Ho!
A skydiving proposal?
Baby, of course I'll marry you!
I wish my parents could see this!
Then maybe you should turn around.
Mom, dad!
Congratulations, honey!
Now, you treat her right, you hear?
This calls for a toast.
Bubbly, anyone?
Champagne?
What a surprise.
Amazing!
Who is that?
Ted!
How could you do it, Cindy?
How could you say yes to him?!
Put the gun down, you're mine, Cindy!
You can't have her!
She's mine!
God damn it!
Take it!
Don't! Don't!
No!
Oh, shh, shh!
It's okay.
It's all over now.
# Build, build, build #
# work, work, work #
# without the work, we'd go berserk #
Good afternoon, my doozer brethren.
Everyone working hard today?
You better believe it.
We love to work.
You are preaching to the mother-f'ing
choir there, my friends.
How about you?
You like to work?
Y- yes.
Oh, yeah?
What do you like more, putting
scaffolding up or taking it down?
Me love the fraggle rock.
Yeah, yeah.
Me love the fraggle rock, too.
Let me see your work visa, son.
Me love the fraggle rock?
All right, all right, okay.
Get this guy out of here.
M- me love...
That is a one-way ticket back
across the border, son.
Shut it down, doozers!
I think we almost won today.
Good effort.
Oh, shut up, beast man!
He-Man put his heel right in my
balls, did a pirouette!
I can still feel them unwinding.
What?!
Well, I'm sorry, choppers,
but your adjustable-rate
mortgage came due.
But... but... but this balloon
payment is astronomical!
You never told me that I was...
It's called "fine print," chuckles.
Maybe you need some eyeballs
instead of those eye... holes.
Oh, I'll get the money...
When I crush He-Man once...
Bud, lie to me, but
don't lie to yourself.
You really gonna crush He-Man
by the 15th of this month?
Eeeeaaaaah!
Well... that property's,
what, 12,000 square feet?
Duplex that bitch.
Okay, well, rent's due on the
first of the month, and I will
hold your security deposit in escrow...
Dude, I've never got a
security deposit back in my life.
What?
Bros!
Our landlord is Jack Skellington!
Whoo!
Oh, damn it!
What the... Panthor!
Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga!
Hey! Douche bag!
Turn this crap down!
How do you hear music with no ears?
Magic, asshole.
Is that my havoc staff?!
This is a mystical artifact!
You can't just... Uhhhhh!
Right... Into... My... Eyeholes.
Ah, Skellington!
You are always grinning, man!
I'm not grinning!
I'm furious!
Absolutely furious!
Naw-haw-haw!
You grinnin', man.
You here to party!
No! I'm here to... tell you...
There's a rival frat
that's totally talking
crap all about you, man!
Say what?
No way!
Yep.
They say you're not the number-one
frat at Eternia Tech anymore.
The hell we aren't!
We'll show those assholes!
Yeah!
Whoo!
Who's the number-one
frat now, retards?
We'll be right down.
Ahh.
You're still overdue on
that mortgage, Smurfy.
Oh, I've got a solution for that, too.
What are you doing?!
Oh, I don't know.
What am I doing?
Mr. Skeletor, I don't know
what you're suggesting, but...
Close the door.
No teeth, okay?
Yeah, good luck with that.
Sync by honeybunny
www. addic7ed. com
We've been doing this
for four seasons.
You know the drill.
Fast and hard, people.
Blam! Let's give them all a
taste of the bitch pudding!
I can't promise everyone they'll
survive season five, but
I know you'll make me proud.
Sunshine Cowboy, you're new,
so I'm expecting great things.
Let's do it!
Aah!
Aw!
I'll tell your story.
I'll tell
Seth Green's story.
Your story has less commercial appeal.
No! Water!
My only weakness!
Aw, bullets!
My only weakness!
Oh!
Geez, I can't believe they
think a "Saving Private Ryan"
parody is still fresh and original.
I need a medic up in this bitch!
Looks like someone
hasn't been flossing.
Ow! You one-dimensional
son of a whore!
Our father, who farts in
heaven, Halloween thy name!
Oh!
Who's even shooting at us?!
It's just a metaphor for
season five, stupid!
Aw, "Parent Trap," "Mean Girls,"
"Herbie," "Georgia Rule. "
"I Know Who Killed Me. "
Sync by honeybunny
www. addic7ed. com
Ba-bawk!
# Robot chicke-e-e-e-e-n #
# robot chicke-e-e-e-e-n #
# thank you, Jesus, we're renewed #
# without a paycheck,
we'd be screwed, oh! #
# I spent mine on meth #
# so did Matt and Seth #
# I'm not gonna lie to you #
# no! #
# robot chicke-e-e-e-e-n #
# robot chicke-e-e-e-e-n, ow! #
Ah-choo!
I- is someone there?
I tried.
Sorry, honey, sorry.
I just got to crap like a bastard.
I can't wait.
This is getting... Oh, boy, that is...
Here comes the second!
Oh, God!
So long, assholes!
I won't last 10 days in prison.
Blockheads, you are charged
with murder in the first degree
of Glen Gumberson, A.K.A. Gumby.
How does the jury find?
Guilty as
Sentencing is scheduled for...
Now, and it's death.
Mom, can we have a snack?
Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
Voldemort! Hey, no-nose!
Smell you later, sir.
Where's your nose, man?
I'm sick of all the stares.
I want the nose job.
This is a big decision.
You need to be 100% sure you're ready.
I'm ready.
Cut me!
...A nice nose...
That is a great-looking nose.
Nose.
Wonderful no...
Ow!
Thanks for the new wand,
Mr. Ollivander.
Nothing's too good for James Potter.
Ow! My no... Ow!
Oh, do you validate?
Sorry, no.
I'll get you, Potter, someday!
Hey, Voldemort, why
so bent out of shape?
He looks angry enough to
kill that guy's baby.
I can watch my kids bang
on pots and pans at home for free.
Please, God, make it stop.
I can't do it anymore.
# Oh! Hoo-ah! #
# oh! Hoo-ah! #
I can't take it anymore.
Make it stop.
Make it stop.
Make it stop.
Ho!
A skydiving proposal?
Baby, of course I'll marry you!
I wish my parents could see this!
Then maybe you should turn around.
Mom, dad!
Congratulations, honey!
Now, you treat her right, you hear?
This calls for a toast.
Bubbly, anyone?
Champagne?
What a surprise.
Amazing!
Who is that?
Ted!
How could you do it, Cindy?
How could you say yes to him?!
Put the gun down, you're mine, Cindy!
You can't have her!
She's mine!
God damn it!
Take it!
Don't! Don't!
No!
Oh, shh, shh!
It's okay.
It's all over now.
# Build, build, build #
# work, work, work #
# without the work, we'd go berserk #
Good afternoon, my doozer brethren.
Everyone working hard today?
You better believe it.
We love to work.
You are preaching to the mother-f'ing
choir there, my friends.
How about you?
You like to work?
Y- yes.
Oh, yeah?
What do you like more, putting
scaffolding up or taking it down?
Me love the fraggle rock.
Yeah, yeah.
Me love the fraggle rock, too.
Let me see your work visa, son.
Me love the fraggle rock?
All right, all right, okay.
Get this guy out of here.
M- me love...
That is a one-way ticket back
across the border, son.
Shut it down, doozers!
I think we almost won today.
Good effort.
Oh, shut up, beast man!
He-Man put his heel right in my
balls, did a pirouette!
I can still feel them unwinding.
What?!
Well, I'm sorry, choppers,
but your adjustable-rate
mortgage came due.
But... but... but this balloon
payment is astronomical!
You never told me that I was...
It's called "fine print," chuckles.
Maybe you need some eyeballs
instead of those eye... holes.
Oh, I'll get the money...
When I crush He-Man once...
Bud, lie to me, but
don't lie to yourself.
You really gonna crush He-Man
by the 15th of this month?
Eeeeaaaaah!
Well... that property's,
what, 12,000 square feet?
Duplex that bitch.
Okay, well, rent's due on the
first of the month, and I will
hold your security deposit in escrow...
Dude, I've never got a
security deposit back in my life.
What?
Bros!
Our landlord is Jack Skellington!
Whoo!
Oh, damn it!
What the... Panthor!
Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga!
Hey! Douche bag!
Turn this crap down!
How do you hear music with no ears?
Magic, asshole.
Is that my havoc staff?!
This is a mystical artifact!
You can't just... Uhhhhh!
Right... Into... My... Eyeholes.
Ah, Skellington!
You are always grinning, man!
I'm not grinning!
I'm furious!
Absolutely furious!
Naw-haw-haw!
You grinnin', man.
You here to party!
No! I'm here to... tell you...
There's a rival frat
that's totally talking
crap all about you, man!
Say what?
No way!
Yep.
They say you're not the number-one
frat at Eternia Tech anymore.
The hell we aren't!
We'll show those assholes!
Yeah!
Whoo!
Who's the number-one
frat now, retards?
We'll be right down.
Ahh.
You're still overdue on
that mortgage, Smurfy.
Oh, I've got a solution for that, too.
What are you doing?!
Oh, I don't know.
What am I doing?
Mr. Skeletor, I don't know
what you're suggesting, but...
Close the door.
No teeth, okay?
Yeah, good luck with that.
Sync by honeybunny
www. addic7ed. com