Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 4, Episode 8 - Two Weeks Without Food - full transcript

[ thunder crashing ]

[ drilling, sawing ]

[ electricity crackling ]

lt's alive!

My son Perseus,
you have the advantage

of a strong body
and a pleasing face,

but you will need
the help of Zeus!

Here is an impenetrable shield
and a sword

that will penetrate
any armor.

Try not to get it too close
to the shield.

Not sure which one
beats the other.



[ sighs ]

Bo-ring!

What about this little baby?

Yeah, git-r-done!

♪ Over land ♪

♪ and shallow stream ♪

♪ comes a clashing titan
four-wheel dream machine ♪

♪ Perseus Monster Truck! ♪

[ swords clanging ]

[ all scream ]

♪ With the monster truck
custom chrome grill guard ♪

♪ You can smash through anything
that's hard ♪

♪ Perseus Monster Truck! ♪

♪ ow! ♪



♪ Calibos is in the swamp ♪

♪ that's where his monster truck
will stomp ♪

♪ Perseus Monster Truck! ♪

♪ turbo charged ♪

♪ and diesel mean ♪

♪ a clashing titan four-wheel
dream machine ♪

Aw fuck!

lf you touch your sister
one more time,

l am driving this car
into a lake!

[ tires screech ]

l'm lron Man!

lgnite rocket boots!

Whoosh!

Vr-r-r-oom! Zho-zho!

Repulser rays, go!

Choo-choo-choo!

[ laughs ]

l'm lron Man!

Holy crap!

lt's lron Man for real!

Hey, lron Man!

lron Man!

lron Man, look at me!

l'm lron Man, too!

What the -- whoa!

Hey, Hulk, l'm lron Man!

Works for Hulk.

[ grunts ]

Whoa!

Unh! Unh! Ow!

Mommy?
[ splat! ]

Unh!
l'm...lron Man.

Well, works for Giant-Man.

Aaaaaaaaah!

[ weakly ] l'm lron Man.

Yay, lron Man!

Nice job, Avengers.

Hey, what happened
to that little kid?

Kid?

[ thunk! ]

Look on the bright side.
Now he's a real lron Man.

[ clank! clank! ]

[ chuckles ]

Get it? lron Man.

- He's made of iron.
- [ grunts ]

What? What?

Too soon, Tony.
Too soon.

[ singing in ltalian ]

[ singing in ltalian ]

[ singing in ltalian ]

[ all singing in ltalian ]

♪ Khan ♪

♪ Khan ♪

♪ Kha-a-a-a-n ♪

[ singing in ltalian ]

[ singing in ltalian ]

[ singing in ltalian ]

Ladies and gentlemen,

NASCAR's newest driver,
Speed Racer.

[ techno music plays ]

lt is my goal to drive my car
the fastest,

using all the RPMs
at my disposal

and cross the finish line
before the other cars,

which will result in me
winning many races, mm?

Hey, Mr. Racer,
have you lined up

any corporate
sponsorships?

As a matter of fact,
l've lined up

Japan's most popular
animé series to sponsor my car.

[ all gasp ]

The English translation
of the series is

''Many-Tentacled
Rapists from Hell

Conquer the
lnnocence of Schoolgirls,''

and, as you can see,

the production
values are extremely high.

Ho-ho-ho.

[ sproing! ]

Oh, no! Speed, come quick!

[ gasps ]

l thought southern intolerance
was a thing of the past.

Folks, hey,
this isn't a hate cross.

lt's a welcome cross.

Wow, this particular
gift basket contains

a wide selection
of Omaha Steaks,

plus a $50 gift
certificate to Best Buy.

Ahhh.

Hey, l never got
a welcome cross.

And the Mach 5 makes
an early push

using a debatably legal
tactic.

Speed, those must be
the jewel thieves

that stole
the Daytona 500 diamond.

[ laughs evilly ]

This calls for a little
creative driving.

[ engine revving,
crowd shouting ]

Oh, my!

Gonna have to check the rule book
on that maneuver, race fans.

Don't worry, Speed.

Help is on the way --
from a mysterious ally.

Hey, everybody,

give Speed Racer's secret brother
some room.

Go help your secret brother,
Racer X.

Boy, l wish l had
a secret brother like Racer X.

Those drivers are persistent,

but they are certainly no match
for the Mach 5.

[ laughs ]

Whoa!

Not sure that oil-slick dispenser is
NASCAR regulation, folks.

Good God!

Sir! Sir!
The TV ratings are in!

Hot damn!
Viewership has tripled!

[ sproing! ]

- Yay, Speed!
- Oh, yeah! Hurray for Speed!

- We did it -- first place!
- Hurray, Speed!

Say, where are Spritle
and Chim Chim?

Ho-ho-ho!

Those scamps are probably stowed
away in the Mach 5 again.

BOTH:
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

ALL:
[ gasp ]

Uh...

someone get a hose
and a garbage bag.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

- Goodbye, Dorothy.
- Bye, Dorothy!

- We'll miss you.
- So long!

[ twinkle! ]

ls that Kansas skank gone?

Sweet!
Back to business as usual.

But why?

Ohh, remember when l said
l was a very bad wizard?

Well, case in point.

Oh!

l'll just take
that brain back.

Aah! Aah!

[ clank! ]

Hmm.

[ munch! ]

Mmm! Mmm!

Oh, but my courage is more
of a concept, really.

Aah!

Yep. [ sighs ]

lt's good to be the wizard.

Sir, Glinda the Good Witch
is here.

Ahh, bring me my rape shoes.

l want to be just like daddy.

[ crying ]

Whoo! Yeah!

Previously on ''The Hills,''

Heidi tried to apologize, but l
wasn't ready to forgive her.

lt's hard to say you're sorry.

You're sorry.

See, l just said it.

And my job at Teen Vogue was
about to change forever.

We are sending you to Paris!

Oh, my god. Paris?

♪ l'm just a girl ♪

♪ and Paris is so far away ♪

l'm sorry.

l thought that song
might go longer.

Anyway, there's a catch.

We're also sending Heidi.

But Heidi doesn't even
work here.

What are you saying, that
this is a scripted show?

l just don't know if l can go
to Paris with Heidi.

♪ A trip to Paris ♪

♪ is what you've always wanted ♪

♪ but there's a catch ♪

♪ and her name is Heidi Montag ♪

lt's really hard, but l want
you to go to Paris.

l don't know. lt's hard!

l like talking.

♪ l'm talkin' to you ♪

♪ about every little thing that
you do ♪

♪ but l can't tell
the difference ♪

♪ between you two ♪

Spencer, l don't think you
even know where Paris is.

Leave him alone, Lauren.

He's trying.

Driving is hard.

Everything is so hard!

Heidi, other one,
stop yelling!

Ow! Noises hurt!

Stop hurting me, baby!

♪ Mistakes are easy to make ♪

♪ when you're young and on your
way to Paris ♪

Oh, great,
the tires are flat.

No, they aren't.

You just drove off the road.

Fine, Lauren, fine!

l can't do this with you
right now!

Frustrated grunt!

You're jealous
that l'm with Spencer.

This is hard, Lauren!

Seriously!

Getting to Paris is hard!

The keys!

Either one of them could have
the keys.

So...

l should go...

this way.

♪ Sometimes you got to split
the difference ♪

♪ between two people and then
you find the car keys ♪

♪ but if someone's watching
through binoculars ♪

♪ it means the hills have eyes ♪

♪ and Paris is so far away ♪

The city of lights!

[ gasps ]

l made it!

♪ Looks like you made it
to the big time ♪

♪ and it was such a hard climb ♪

♪ but Paris can be lonely
without friends ♪

We gonna skin ya
and wear your skin

and bake you in an oven
and eat you, girl.

[ muffled screaming ]

[ gasping ]

That sounds hard!

Come on.

Let's go warms up the oven.

[ whimpering ]

Shh.

Be quiet, guys.

Don't say anything.

♪ On the outside lookin' in ♪

♪ everything seems so
frightening ♪

♪ but just remember
who you are ♪

♪ a big, bright, shining star ♪

Aah!

♪ Hey, you're just a girl ♪

Aah!

[ thud! crack! ]

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk! Bawk.