Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 4, Episode 7 - Love, Maurice - full transcript

The creators imagine how Babar might rule with an iron tusk, where O.J. might search for his ex-wife's killer and what Skynet might send back as their next Terminator, plus check out the latest superhero movie.

[ thunder crashing ]

[ drilling, sawing ]

[ electricity crackling ]

lt's alive!

♪ l wanna rock ♪

The strawberries taste
like strawberries.

The snozzberries taste
like snozzberries.

Ew! Pbht!

These carrots taste musky.

Out! Damn Oompa-Loompas!

Hello, my dear.



Hello, father.

And what does the day have
in store for you today?

Well, l wanted to play
hopscotch,

but Marie wants to
play skipping.

Didn't you play hopscotch
yesterday?

Yes, and it was so much fun.

Well, if you ask me, skipping
can be just as much fun.

Babar, the revolution has
begun!

Oh, you heathens!

[ indistinct shouting ]

Follow me!

Run! Run!

Unhand her!

Vive la revolution!



[ trumpets ]

No, no, no!

Aah!

Save us.

[ trumpets ]

Aah!

[ screeches ]

Any last words?

[ trumpets ]

[ crowd cheering ]

Hey, what's up?

Um, listen, l know things got
a little crazy last night,

but l'd really love
to see you again.

Oh, gosh!

Uh, you know, l'm really busy
with school and stuff.

Oh, sure, sure, yeah.

l'm very busy, too.

Um, but, l mean, l-l've
slime-violated a lot of orifices

with a lot of hotties in my day,

and -- and, um, you know,
last night was the first time

it really meant anything to me.

So, um, maybe...

you...

maybe we'll go...

See a movie or
something.

Okay, look, l'll be honest.

There is no way my dad will
let me date a tentacle monster.

l'm saying that
l think l love you!

Wow!

All right!

Uh, l have homework, so take
care of yourself, okay?

Oh! Stupid!

[ camera shutter clicks ]

Mary Lou!

Let me take your picture
for the paper!

[ screaming ]

An average teenage boy

bitten by a radioactive
white-tailed deer.

His life is about to change
by leaps and bounds.

Huh.

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah!

l'm a mugger!

Give me your money!

Ugh!

Kid Venison!

To be a hero, he'll risk
everything he holds ''dear.''

You're very different,
Perry -- like, skittish.

Ha! That's absurd.

[ backfires ]

Aah!

Kid Venison!

Now it's time to poach
some poachers.

[ horn honks, tires screech ]

Kid Venison!

Hey, boy, pull my finger.

[ farting ]

[ laughs ]

[ farting continues ]

Whoa!

Let go! Let go! Let go!

Let go! Let go!

Whoa!

Hey, dude, what do you think
Bud Bundy's up to right now?

[ laughs ]

David Fucking Faustino, bro!

[ gunshot ]

[ all screaming ]

l told you we'd liberate
Pakistan, Samir.

But first l had to liberate your
head from your shoulders.

[ cellphone rings ]

David, baby.

lt's your agent.

Listen, Apatow wants you for
the lead in his new movie.

Pass.

l'm already playing a lead.

The movie is Democracy.

My character -- Patriotism.

Mmm.
Thanks for dinner, baby.

Hope you left room to nurse.

Yeah, you too, doll.

l got something for your mouth.

Boogie-boogie!

Ooh! O.J. Simpson?!

Gonna get cut, bitch.

[ crying ]

[ train whistle blows ]

Excuse me.

ls this seat taken?

Oh, sure.
Help yourself.

Women, huh?

Can't live without 'em.

Or can you?

What do you mean?

My Jessica's a cheating bitch,
but l could never kill her.

l'd be the prime suspect.

l'm not following you.

But if we kill each other's
wives, jeepers!

lt would be the p-p-p-perfect
crime!

Well, nice talking to you,
l guess,

but l really must be
going.

Oh, l got you.

What?

l got you.

Nicole!

l brought you
your child support.

l know it's a few weeks early,

but you know how completely not
bitter l am about the divorce.

Oh, hey, there!

Oh, my!

What did you do?!

What did l do?
We had a deal.

Now it's your turn
to kill my wife.

l can't take the life of
another human being.

P-P-P-Please?

No!

B-b-b-but we had a deal, see?

You don't want to see me
when l'm steamed!

[ steam whistle blows ]

Take care of my wife,
or it's curtains for you!

Oh, no!

...To nurse.

Yeah, you too, doll.

l got something for your mouth.

Boogie-boogie!

Ooh! O.J. Simpson?!

Gonna get cut, bitch!

[ crying ]

lf you don't get out of town.

Your husband's
trying to kill you.

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da!

l knew l couldn't
trust your kind.

What the fuck is that
supposed to mean?

Real people!
l meant real people!

[ grunting ]

You killer! Die!

Die, you killin' killer!

Take that! And that!

And some of this!

Ooh, yeah!

Hey, that's what you get when
you squeeze the juice.

So, when you said,
''you gonna get cut, bitch,''

it was a warning, not a threat?

You got it!

Why'd you have
to call her a bitch?

And that's how l tracked down
your gammy's real killer.

[ crying ]

Something must have
spooked the boy.

Oh, he can just sense evil.
That's all.

There's been a horrible
accident.

Oscar, bring your shovel
and a can of gasoline.

No, l want you to rebuild her,
like you did me.

Steve, your bionics cost us
$6 million.

We can't ju--

Come on!
You have the technology.

You say it all the time.

''Steve, we have the technology.''

You won't shut up about it.

Ah, fuck it.

Put her on the table.

Ha! Great!

Now, while you're in there,
l had a few ideas myself.

[ monitor beeping ]

Now, Jamie, don't be alarmed.

We've rebuilt you.

You are now a bionic woman!

Wait.
Wait.

Did you give me breast implants?

Oh, uh, that's where we put
your batteries.

Steve said you had
room to spare.

[ whirring ]

My -- my arm.

l can't feel my arm!

Relax, relax.

lt's now completely robotic.

Let me just fire it up for you.

What's wrong with it?

Oh, Steve said your arm gets
tired when you...Polish stuff.

We also
reinforced your knees.

You could be on them for hours
without getting sore.

l want to talk to Steve!

Right here, baby.
Right here.

Oh, wow!

Great job, Goldman!

Ohh, didn't have time to fix
her nose, huh?

You son of a bitch!

You made me into a monster!

Ohh!
Hey, is she on the rag?

l thought we were
gonna tie her tubes.

l'll fucking kill you!

Oh, God!

l've spent my life creating
bionic Frankensteins.

Now the shoe's
on the other foot.

We're alive, but we'll be
more machine than man.

The irony is --
well, it's palpable.

Well, actually,
you're not much more

than head and stomach
right now.

You won't live
through the night.

Hey, but you can
rebuild us, right?

No.

You mean you don't
have the technology?

[ laughing ]
No!

Boo!

Aah!

[ grunting ]

[ laughing ]

Motherfucker!
You think it's funny?

You think it's fucking funny?!

Yeah, this is fucking funny!

Yeah!

Who's laughing now, stupid?!

Huh?! who's laughing now?!

Ha ha!

Uh...Well, this is a little
unprecedented.

Who's my special angel?

Who's my special joy?

[ vomits ]

Geez, kid, you're such
a buzzkill.

Come with me, the terminator
baby, if you want to live.

You got to be kidding me.

[ doorbell rings ]

Don't you answer that!

l will answer the door
in this here situation here.

Oh, no!

Skynet has sent back
the terminator puppy!

Aah!

And now we fight with the fist,
and it will be a big fight!

You are ridiculous!

Come on!

Wait for me!

l got the little baby legs!

[ beeping ]

That was a good idea,
Sarah Connor!

Oh, no!
You got to change me!

Quickly, there.

Take off the diaper.

Hold still.

Now clean the poo.

l'm trying.

The baby powder!

Stop telling me what to do.

...My gigantic baby balls.

Let's go.

Go! Go! Go!

Go, go, go!

Aah!

Aaaah!

Aah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Okay, good, good.

Yeah. Oh.

Ugh!

[ grunting ]

Aah!

You have been a naughty puppy!

Ugh!

Aaah!

Koo koo ka choo to you,
the terminator puppy.

Ugh!

Aaah!

[ electricity crackling ]

ls it over?

Yeah.

l'm thinking l need
a little baby vacation.

Ohh, that's so nice.

Now l know the human feelings

of the family and the love
and the hug --

[ electricity crackling ]

Again, we've thwarted Skynet,

and John is free to grow up to
be the savior of mankind.

l think Skynet is running out
of ideas

for terminators at this point,

but if a baby terminator
can learn to love,

then maybe
there is hope for --

Holy shit!

[ crash ]

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk! Bawk.

♪ l wanna rock ♪

[ cricket chirping ]

Oh, come on!

l can't applaud
any louder than this.