Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 4, Episode 19 - Especially the Animal Keith Crofford - full transcript
The creators imagine the origin of the Wuzzles. Learn what Cloverfield's real intention was.
[ thunder crashing ]
[ drilling, sawing ]
[ electricity crackling ]
lt's alive!
l worry about where
this culture's heading.
Shut up, you old bitch!
[ radio clicks ]
♪ Ghost whip your ride ♪
♪ Hot as a ghost on fire ♪
♪ Ghost whip your ride ♪
♪ Ghost whip your ride,
ghost whip your ride ♪
But why Earth, Jor-El?
They're thousands of years
behind us.
He will need that advantage.
And l will instruct him,
guide him,
see my life through his eyes
as he will see it
through mine.
Goodbye, my son.
And, for some reason,
they put the big fork
on the inside
next to the salad fork.
Salad, in general,
will be discussed later on
in chapter 9.
Chapter 42 - Tipping.
This is open to debate,
and there is no real
right answer,
but the consensus is
15 to 20% .
And then, of course,
there's the Dirty Sanchez.
This was a very popular
dance move on Krypton.
And from what l can tell,
they have it on Earth
as well.
[ beep ]
To continue,
flip to side B.
Good luck, my son.
lf l've calculated
correctly,
you have traveled through
12 galaxies to land
in a small town in Kansas
near a road where --
[ splash ]
l love being a wuzzle!
We get to be two animals
at once!
Take me -- l'm a bumblebee
and a lion!
And l'm an elephant
and a kangaroo.
You know what grosses me
out, Bumblelion?
How'd your parents
get together?
Ow! What the hell!
You think you can just
sting me, you little bumblebee?!
Wow, you're cute,
little bumblebee.
Hello, cutie, come here.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, ouch.
Oh, ouch.
Ow! Sting me in the hole.
Ouch!
Sting me in the hole!
Ouch!
Sting me in the hole!
ouch!
[ groans ]
l don't wanna think
about that anymore.
What about you, Ellaroo?
Now, this might hurt
a little.
Aaaahhh!
[ groans ]
How about you,
Don Keyhuman.
Well, as far as l know --
Actually l don't wanna know.
Me neither.
l'm good, l'm good.
We're gonna miss you
when you're in Japan, Josh!
Yeah!
Which one's Josh?
All the guys here kinda look
like the same generic douche.
[ screaming ]
[ roars ]
[ people screaming ]
[ roars ]
Wow, that is really
tasteless.
Oh, it's only been
eight years
since 9/1 1 ,
for God's sake!
What are you thinking, bro?
Man, can anybody answer
that?
What is that monster
thinking?
[ roars ]
Dude!
lt's way too soon, dude!
Terrible thing, man!
Too soon!
[ roars ]
[ crowd booing ]
Oh, are you sad because there's
nothing to smash here?
Well, that's because it was
already smashed...
by people who hate
our freedom!
[ booing continues ]
So what you're doing here
is very, very offensive.
- What's it doing?
- lt's desecrating the site!
No, look.
lt's doing something else!
[ cheering ]
Hey, Cloverfield monster!
[ gulping ]
Ahhh.
l'll take that one.
Wow!
Erin E-surance!
That's right!
E-surance handles your
insurance needs all online.
Just quote, buy,
and print.
With E-surance,
you're always covered.
Hey, what are you --
Ow! What the fuck?!
Oh, sorry.
You have a four-bullet
deductible.
l have a what?
You kept your monthly
premium low
by choosing
a higher deductible,
lt's a risk
you had up front.
l wanna change
my policy!
No problem, your new policy
will go into effect
the first of the month.
[ groans ]
That's four bullets!
Anything else l can do
for you today?
Well, you're also covered
by our awesome life
insurance.
So your elderly mother is
in for quite a windfall,
or she would have been,
if you hadn't missed
your February payment.
NARRATOR:
lt's your greatest fear.
lt fills you with dread.
Aaaaah!
You find yourself
screaming...
who can l call
to fix this drain?
Earl McGarry, that's who.
He doesn't ask questions.
Here's your problem!
You've got about 4 quarts
of blood in here.
Trivia fact -- that's how
much the human body holds!
He's experienced!
Here's your problem.
You got a ghoulie in here.
And he knows his stuff.
Here's your problem.
You got Glenn Close in here.
Not bonded by the state.
Coach, why do girls have
to play with a ball
that's twice the size
of a normal baseball?
Because girls aren't very
strong or coordinated.
This summer, action hero
Nicholas Cage stars in
Rear Window 2.
Confined to a damned
wheelchair.
[ deep sigh ]
This isn't me.
Baby Palooza.
Hot diggedy dog.
Uh huh. Yeah.
Do it right.
Oh, wow.
That's. Not good.
♪ [ rock music plays ] ♪
[ tires screech ]
Let's roll.
[ tires screech ]
How's that for handicap
access?
Oh, wait, there's
something on my shoe.
Your face.
Hiyah!
[ tires screech ]
Out of my way, fat man!
Ahh.
Hey, kid.
Keep it wheel.
[ farts ]
[ farts ]
''How l Spent
My Summer Vacation,
by Bobby McCormick.''
Ah, you're dead meat,
dorkwad!
[ groans ]
l'm Jason Chambers.
You just saw
a conventional wedgie.
But today, on Human Weapon,
we reveal the super wedgie
known as
The Brazilian Covered Wagon.
This is...
The aggressor grabs securely
on the elastic strap
of the opponents underwear,
and pulls directly back.
This move maximizes
the amount of slack
in the underwear
for the upward thrust.
Lastly, a forward curving
motion
loops the underwear
over the opponents forehead,
drawing his head back
in a painful arch.
Ha ha, five pounds more
tensile strength
on those BVDs,
and that nerd's neck
would snap.
Ha ha.
l truly, truly hate nerds.
Did some motherfucker
call for a sappy song
because y'all got
the damn expert.
♪ ♪
♪ You saw Smurfs
fighting Snorks ♪
♪ Fumbles drops a beer ♪
♪ And some unlucky dork ♪
♪ get turned into a deer ♪
♪ And it occurs to me ♪
♪ that season four ruled ♪
♪ l saw lots of boobies ♪
♪ and almost got laid ♪
♪ l banged 20 beauties,
yes l did ♪
♪ oh, snap
now l got feline AlDS ♪
♪ Holla ♪ ♪
♪ And to summarize things ♪
♪ season four was
off the chain ♪
♪ We saw Joe Fleas
dropping rhymes ♪
♪ and it was was so awesome ♪
♪ Superheroes looking chubby ♪
♪ All the tears
that l've cried ♪
♪ l fought
the terminator puppy ♪
♪ And l cognitively processed ♪
♪ that season 4 kicked
undeniable ass ♪
♪ Talk about karate
on that ass ♪
♪ There was violence galore ♪
♪ Fart jokes,
there were lots ♪
♪ Oh, we tallied up the score ♪
♪ There were 50 nut shots ♪
♪ And l telepathically getting
a message coming in right now ♪
♪ that season four
smoked you all over the face ♪
Ladies and gentlemen,
president of Adult Swim,
Mike Lazzo.
Oh, man.
Oh, by the way,
you're cancelled.
[ chuckles ]
FYl.
[ chuckles ]
Honey,
sell the timeshare!
Sell the timeshare!
[ dance music plays ]
[ drilling, sawing ]
[ electricity crackling ]
lt's alive!
l worry about where
this culture's heading.
Shut up, you old bitch!
[ radio clicks ]
♪ Ghost whip your ride ♪
♪ Hot as a ghost on fire ♪
♪ Ghost whip your ride ♪
♪ Ghost whip your ride,
ghost whip your ride ♪
But why Earth, Jor-El?
They're thousands of years
behind us.
He will need that advantage.
And l will instruct him,
guide him,
see my life through his eyes
as he will see it
through mine.
Goodbye, my son.
And, for some reason,
they put the big fork
on the inside
next to the salad fork.
Salad, in general,
will be discussed later on
in chapter 9.
Chapter 42 - Tipping.
This is open to debate,
and there is no real
right answer,
but the consensus is
15 to 20% .
And then, of course,
there's the Dirty Sanchez.
This was a very popular
dance move on Krypton.
And from what l can tell,
they have it on Earth
as well.
[ beep ]
To continue,
flip to side B.
Good luck, my son.
lf l've calculated
correctly,
you have traveled through
12 galaxies to land
in a small town in Kansas
near a road where --
[ splash ]
l love being a wuzzle!
We get to be two animals
at once!
Take me -- l'm a bumblebee
and a lion!
And l'm an elephant
and a kangaroo.
You know what grosses me
out, Bumblelion?
How'd your parents
get together?
Ow! What the hell!
You think you can just
sting me, you little bumblebee?!
Wow, you're cute,
little bumblebee.
Hello, cutie, come here.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, ouch.
Oh, ouch.
Ow! Sting me in the hole.
Ouch!
Sting me in the hole!
Ouch!
Sting me in the hole!
ouch!
[ groans ]
l don't wanna think
about that anymore.
What about you, Ellaroo?
Now, this might hurt
a little.
Aaaahhh!
[ groans ]
How about you,
Don Keyhuman.
Well, as far as l know --
Actually l don't wanna know.
Me neither.
l'm good, l'm good.
We're gonna miss you
when you're in Japan, Josh!
Yeah!
Which one's Josh?
All the guys here kinda look
like the same generic douche.
[ screaming ]
[ roars ]
[ people screaming ]
[ roars ]
Wow, that is really
tasteless.
Oh, it's only been
eight years
since 9/1 1 ,
for God's sake!
What are you thinking, bro?
Man, can anybody answer
that?
What is that monster
thinking?
[ roars ]
Dude!
lt's way too soon, dude!
Terrible thing, man!
Too soon!
[ roars ]
[ crowd booing ]
Oh, are you sad because there's
nothing to smash here?
Well, that's because it was
already smashed...
by people who hate
our freedom!
[ booing continues ]
So what you're doing here
is very, very offensive.
- What's it doing?
- lt's desecrating the site!
No, look.
lt's doing something else!
[ cheering ]
Hey, Cloverfield monster!
[ gulping ]
Ahhh.
l'll take that one.
Wow!
Erin E-surance!
That's right!
E-surance handles your
insurance needs all online.
Just quote, buy,
and print.
With E-surance,
you're always covered.
Hey, what are you --
Ow! What the fuck?!
Oh, sorry.
You have a four-bullet
deductible.
l have a what?
You kept your monthly
premium low
by choosing
a higher deductible,
lt's a risk
you had up front.
l wanna change
my policy!
No problem, your new policy
will go into effect
the first of the month.
[ groans ]
That's four bullets!
Anything else l can do
for you today?
Well, you're also covered
by our awesome life
insurance.
So your elderly mother is
in for quite a windfall,
or she would have been,
if you hadn't missed
your February payment.
NARRATOR:
lt's your greatest fear.
lt fills you with dread.
Aaaaah!
You find yourself
screaming...
who can l call
to fix this drain?
Earl McGarry, that's who.
He doesn't ask questions.
Here's your problem!
You've got about 4 quarts
of blood in here.
Trivia fact -- that's how
much the human body holds!
He's experienced!
Here's your problem.
You got a ghoulie in here.
And he knows his stuff.
Here's your problem.
You got Glenn Close in here.
Not bonded by the state.
Coach, why do girls have
to play with a ball
that's twice the size
of a normal baseball?
Because girls aren't very
strong or coordinated.
This summer, action hero
Nicholas Cage stars in
Rear Window 2.
Confined to a damned
wheelchair.
[ deep sigh ]
This isn't me.
Baby Palooza.
Hot diggedy dog.
Uh huh. Yeah.
Do it right.
Oh, wow.
That's. Not good.
♪ [ rock music plays ] ♪
[ tires screech ]
Let's roll.
[ tires screech ]
How's that for handicap
access?
Oh, wait, there's
something on my shoe.
Your face.
Hiyah!
[ tires screech ]
Out of my way, fat man!
Ahh.
Hey, kid.
Keep it wheel.
[ farts ]
[ farts ]
''How l Spent
My Summer Vacation,
by Bobby McCormick.''
Ah, you're dead meat,
dorkwad!
[ groans ]
l'm Jason Chambers.
You just saw
a conventional wedgie.
But today, on Human Weapon,
we reveal the super wedgie
known as
The Brazilian Covered Wagon.
This is...
The aggressor grabs securely
on the elastic strap
of the opponents underwear,
and pulls directly back.
This move maximizes
the amount of slack
in the underwear
for the upward thrust.
Lastly, a forward curving
motion
loops the underwear
over the opponents forehead,
drawing his head back
in a painful arch.
Ha ha, five pounds more
tensile strength
on those BVDs,
and that nerd's neck
would snap.
Ha ha.
l truly, truly hate nerds.
Did some motherfucker
call for a sappy song
because y'all got
the damn expert.
♪ ♪
♪ You saw Smurfs
fighting Snorks ♪
♪ Fumbles drops a beer ♪
♪ And some unlucky dork ♪
♪ get turned into a deer ♪
♪ And it occurs to me ♪
♪ that season four ruled ♪
♪ l saw lots of boobies ♪
♪ and almost got laid ♪
♪ l banged 20 beauties,
yes l did ♪
♪ oh, snap
now l got feline AlDS ♪
♪ Holla ♪ ♪
♪ And to summarize things ♪
♪ season four was
off the chain ♪
♪ We saw Joe Fleas
dropping rhymes ♪
♪ and it was was so awesome ♪
♪ Superheroes looking chubby ♪
♪ All the tears
that l've cried ♪
♪ l fought
the terminator puppy ♪
♪ And l cognitively processed ♪
♪ that season 4 kicked
undeniable ass ♪
♪ Talk about karate
on that ass ♪
♪ There was violence galore ♪
♪ Fart jokes,
there were lots ♪
♪ Oh, we tallied up the score ♪
♪ There were 50 nut shots ♪
♪ And l telepathically getting
a message coming in right now ♪
♪ that season four
smoked you all over the face ♪
Ladies and gentlemen,
president of Adult Swim,
Mike Lazzo.
Oh, man.
Oh, by the way,
you're cancelled.
[ chuckles ]
FYl.
[ chuckles ]
Honey,
sell the timeshare!
Sell the timeshare!
[ dance music plays ]