Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 4, Episode 15 - Due to Constraints of Time and Budget - full transcript
Indiana Jones knows when to keep his eyes shut. The Autobots mourn their fallen member. The creators imagine what goes on in the Yellow Submarine. Meet the newest transporter.
[ thunder crashing ]
[ drilling, sawing ]
[ electricity crackling ]
lt's alive!
l think you gave me
the wrong umbrella.
Aahh, my umbrella is
taking me up into the sky!
This is not
what l wanted!
Marion, don't look at it!
No matter what happens,
keep your eyes closed!
[ ghostly moaning ]
Booga Booga!
Open your eyes!
Look at us!
Don't do it, Marion!
Don't open your eyes!
You're not ticklish,
are you?
[ giggling ]
Stop!
Open your eyes
and l'll stop!
No! l won't open
my eyes.
[ giggling ]
[ screaming laughter ]
Oh l've got your nose!
Give it back!
You have to open
your eyes!
Don't, Marion.
Don't open your eyes!
But he's got my nose,
lndy!
Don't open your eyes!
lt's not your real nose!
Looks like they aren't
going to open their eyes, guys.
Let's just leave.
Okay, we're leaving.
See you later.
[ whispering ]
Bye.
We left.
We know you're still there.
Oh, come on, man!
Just open your eyes!
No! Marion, don't
open your eyes.
Screw this, man.
l haven't been out
of that ark in 3,000 years.
l'm not gonna waste my time
with these squares.
He's right.
Let's just go.
We know you're still
out there!
We're not opening
our eyes!
So we're --
we're gonna keep em closed!
Timmy, don't sit
so close to the TV!
lt's not good for you!
NARRATOR:
One day, in the concrete
jungle of Nool,
and elephant named Morton
played hooky from school.
He was chilling on the stoop,
just peacing on
the block,
when onto his trunk
landed a tiny crack rock.
He thought...
l could sell this,
make 5 or 6 bucks.
But then he heard
a tiny voice that hollered,
What?! What?!
Morton listened closely
and held very still
He could hear tiny voices
in the town
of WhatWhatVille.
They were having a party
with a DJ in the cut.
And everybody was yelling...
''What?! What?!''
Morton had a new purpose.
He felt a new drive.
To hide the rock
and keep the party alive.
He walked down the street
and out of the blue,
he came face to face
with Crackhead Kangaroo.
She was shaking and twitching,
her eyelids were black.
She said...
M-M-M-M-Morton,
l'll s-s-suck your c-c-c-cock
for that crack.
Well, sometimes an elephant
just has to nut.
So that was the end
of the world of...
''What? What?''
[ all screaming ''What?!'' ]
You sit here today
and accuse my client
of sexual harassment,
but isn't it true
that your paper jams
drew him to your sensitive parts?
Let's admit it --
you wanted him
to make a pass at you.
You wanted it!
Megatron
is destroyed.
The world is safe.
Jazz, my friend,
we will never forget you.
What's the sitches, bitches?
Jazz, we thought you
were dead.
Torn in half,
that's all.
We're robots, man.
Just solder my ass
back together.
Sadly, you died
in glorious battle.
Nah, that's just
a minor setback.
Wait, l can still
transform.
Hold on, l'm coming!
Ah, you're too fast!
Wait for me,
fellas!
Oh, no!
Oh, my gosh!
Hey, my ex-girlfriend,
how do you eat
a Reese's peanut butter cup?
l pretend the peanut butter
is your soul,
and l suck it out,
and then l crush the remaining
empty husk
in my cruel, cold fist.
♪ ♪
♪ We are sailing
under water-ater-ater ♪
♪ All the fishes
look delicious ♪
♪ Drugs, rainbows and hugs ♪
Wait, be quiet.
Something's showing up
on the radar.
Maybe it's Ringo's lunch.
He ate a big sandwich.
l still have sand
in me mouth.
Shh.
Look.
Sandwiches
are me bread and butter.
- Good one, John.
- Damn it, shut the hell up!
lt's a submarine from the land
of the Blue Meanies --
the dreaded Blue October.
l'm gonna send them
a ping.
What's that?
A Ping?
Yes, sir.
You know we don't say ''yes''
in Meanie Land.
l'm sorry.
No, sir.
Should l ping them back, sir?
- No.
- No?
No.
l said, ''no.''
Do you understand?
- No.
- Ping them back!
Yes, sir!
l mean, no, sir.
They pinged us back!
l know, my ears
are still pinging.
l have an idea.
What's the most
important thing in the world?
- Acid.
- After that.
- Love.
- That's right.
Maybe those meanies
in the Blue October
don't want to declare war.
Maybe they want
to declare love
and defect to Pepper Land.
There's only one way
to find out.
Let's sing a song
about love.
♪ Love your love with love ♪
♪ Just love your love
with love ♪
They're singing!
Maybe they know we're trying
to defect to Pepper Land.
Sir, another submarine
from Meanie Land followed us!
Open the glove compartment!
Fire!
Another submarine fired
a glove at the Blue October!
l know what to do.
Steer our submarine
straight toward the glove.
You're crazy!
We'll all die!
Who cares?
We're just cartoons.
Spull feed ahead!
Should l arm the glove,
sir?
Yes.
Yes!
No!
Oh, look, a hole.
What happened?!
Why didn't it explode?!
Periscope!
Oh, fuck.
[ cheering ]
Hole in one, Ringo.
How did you know
it would work?
l didn't.
l'm on acid.
Way to go, Ringo.
Maybe now you can
sleep with the groupies first.
- Really?
- No.
[ all laughing ]
What the --?
Abracadabra.
[ groans ]
Presto!
[ laughs ]
l hate processing
magicians.
Ma, don't teach Chelsea
that girly crap.
This isn't the Dark Ages.
Here.
Oh, and a fashion doll
with big watermelon boobs
teaches
the right lessons, huh?
That's-That's
what's going on.
Barbie is a freaking
race car driver
these days, Ma.
She bungee jumps
and parasails.
And l think there's even
a bomb disposal
robot accessory.
Thank you for
the Barbie.
BARBlE:
Girls can do anything,
especially math.
Let me be absolutely
clear about that.
Alright, Barbie,
let's have adventures!
[ gasps ]
That's her!
That's my little girl.
How did this happen?
Well, Chelsea's race car
hit the wall
at speeds in excess
of 200 miles an hour.
So, pbht.
Race car?
Where did she get a race car?
Girls these days have
all sorts of adventures, ma'am.
This isn't
the Dark Ages.
She was eight years old!
At least she died
doing what she loved, Ma.
She loved knitting.
Yes, that's lovely.
Now if you could just
fill out some forms.
[ sobbing ]
This is your fault!
Whore!
[ evil laughter ]
[ radio static ]
This is Lex Luthor.
Only one thing alive
on less than four legs
can hear this frequency,
Superman.
And that's you.
ln approximately five minutes,
a poisonous gas
will flood the city,
annihilating half
of Metropolis.
Seems excessive,
but how else was l gonna
meet you, Superman?
After all, you would never
accept an invitation to tea.
[ mewling ]
But a disaster
with citizens in danger...
well, l just knew you wouldn't
resist the chance to help.
Ow!
Ow!
[ laughs ]
Ow!
[ moans ]
Ow!
[ moans ]
Ow!
[ moans ]
Ow!
[ moans ]
Ow!
[ moans ]
Ow!
Flubber brand condoms!
On sale now!
[ alarm ringing ]
Where's that new driver
you hired?
[ tires screech ]
Who the hell are you?
l'm the best!
- Let's go!
- There's four of you.
Who cares?!
Now drive!
The deal was transportation
for three men
whose combined weight
did not exceed 250 kilos.
Well, this is a new deal.
Now drive!
One of you has to go.
Are you nuts?!
They're almost here!
That's better!
[ laughs ]
Here we go.
Come on, man,
they're gaining on us!
l always come prepared.
What,
are you kidding me?!
Banana peels?!
Whoa, actually they are
surprisingly effective.
Look out!
Are those green turtles?
Whatever they are,
they're getting shot.
No! Green turtles
are endangered!
Yahoo!
Yahoo!
You're not gonna try to smash
through that, are you?
l already told you,
l'm the best!
Yahoo!
Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya...
Yahoo!
♪ [ video game music plays ] ♪
Don't worry,
they won't follow us out here.
[ sirens approach ]
l thought you said they wouldn't
follow us.
Once we're across that bridge,
we're home free!
He's gaining on us!
Do something.
We're almost there!
He's gonna catch us!
Use one of the things!
No! Not that one!
The blue turtle shell always
seeks out...
[ gasps ]
the lead car.
[ screaming ]
♪ [ clucking ] ♪
[ drilling, sawing ]
[ electricity crackling ]
lt's alive!
l think you gave me
the wrong umbrella.
Aahh, my umbrella is
taking me up into the sky!
This is not
what l wanted!
Marion, don't look at it!
No matter what happens,
keep your eyes closed!
[ ghostly moaning ]
Booga Booga!
Open your eyes!
Look at us!
Don't do it, Marion!
Don't open your eyes!
You're not ticklish,
are you?
[ giggling ]
Stop!
Open your eyes
and l'll stop!
No! l won't open
my eyes.
[ giggling ]
[ screaming laughter ]
Oh l've got your nose!
Give it back!
You have to open
your eyes!
Don't, Marion.
Don't open your eyes!
But he's got my nose,
lndy!
Don't open your eyes!
lt's not your real nose!
Looks like they aren't
going to open their eyes, guys.
Let's just leave.
Okay, we're leaving.
See you later.
[ whispering ]
Bye.
We left.
We know you're still there.
Oh, come on, man!
Just open your eyes!
No! Marion, don't
open your eyes.
Screw this, man.
l haven't been out
of that ark in 3,000 years.
l'm not gonna waste my time
with these squares.
He's right.
Let's just go.
We know you're still
out there!
We're not opening
our eyes!
So we're --
we're gonna keep em closed!
Timmy, don't sit
so close to the TV!
lt's not good for you!
NARRATOR:
One day, in the concrete
jungle of Nool,
and elephant named Morton
played hooky from school.
He was chilling on the stoop,
just peacing on
the block,
when onto his trunk
landed a tiny crack rock.
He thought...
l could sell this,
make 5 or 6 bucks.
But then he heard
a tiny voice that hollered,
What?! What?!
Morton listened closely
and held very still
He could hear tiny voices
in the town
of WhatWhatVille.
They were having a party
with a DJ in the cut.
And everybody was yelling...
''What?! What?!''
Morton had a new purpose.
He felt a new drive.
To hide the rock
and keep the party alive.
He walked down the street
and out of the blue,
he came face to face
with Crackhead Kangaroo.
She was shaking and twitching,
her eyelids were black.
She said...
M-M-M-M-Morton,
l'll s-s-suck your c-c-c-cock
for that crack.
Well, sometimes an elephant
just has to nut.
So that was the end
of the world of...
''What? What?''
[ all screaming ''What?!'' ]
You sit here today
and accuse my client
of sexual harassment,
but isn't it true
that your paper jams
drew him to your sensitive parts?
Let's admit it --
you wanted him
to make a pass at you.
You wanted it!
Megatron
is destroyed.
The world is safe.
Jazz, my friend,
we will never forget you.
What's the sitches, bitches?
Jazz, we thought you
were dead.
Torn in half,
that's all.
We're robots, man.
Just solder my ass
back together.
Sadly, you died
in glorious battle.
Nah, that's just
a minor setback.
Wait, l can still
transform.
Hold on, l'm coming!
Ah, you're too fast!
Wait for me,
fellas!
Oh, no!
Oh, my gosh!
Hey, my ex-girlfriend,
how do you eat
a Reese's peanut butter cup?
l pretend the peanut butter
is your soul,
and l suck it out,
and then l crush the remaining
empty husk
in my cruel, cold fist.
♪ ♪
♪ We are sailing
under water-ater-ater ♪
♪ All the fishes
look delicious ♪
♪ Drugs, rainbows and hugs ♪
Wait, be quiet.
Something's showing up
on the radar.
Maybe it's Ringo's lunch.
He ate a big sandwich.
l still have sand
in me mouth.
Shh.
Look.
Sandwiches
are me bread and butter.
- Good one, John.
- Damn it, shut the hell up!
lt's a submarine from the land
of the Blue Meanies --
the dreaded Blue October.
l'm gonna send them
a ping.
What's that?
A Ping?
Yes, sir.
You know we don't say ''yes''
in Meanie Land.
l'm sorry.
No, sir.
Should l ping them back, sir?
- No.
- No?
No.
l said, ''no.''
Do you understand?
- No.
- Ping them back!
Yes, sir!
l mean, no, sir.
They pinged us back!
l know, my ears
are still pinging.
l have an idea.
What's the most
important thing in the world?
- Acid.
- After that.
- Love.
- That's right.
Maybe those meanies
in the Blue October
don't want to declare war.
Maybe they want
to declare love
and defect to Pepper Land.
There's only one way
to find out.
Let's sing a song
about love.
♪ Love your love with love ♪
♪ Just love your love
with love ♪
They're singing!
Maybe they know we're trying
to defect to Pepper Land.
Sir, another submarine
from Meanie Land followed us!
Open the glove compartment!
Fire!
Another submarine fired
a glove at the Blue October!
l know what to do.
Steer our submarine
straight toward the glove.
You're crazy!
We'll all die!
Who cares?
We're just cartoons.
Spull feed ahead!
Should l arm the glove,
sir?
Yes.
Yes!
No!
Oh, look, a hole.
What happened?!
Why didn't it explode?!
Periscope!
Oh, fuck.
[ cheering ]
Hole in one, Ringo.
How did you know
it would work?
l didn't.
l'm on acid.
Way to go, Ringo.
Maybe now you can
sleep with the groupies first.
- Really?
- No.
[ all laughing ]
What the --?
Abracadabra.
[ groans ]
Presto!
[ laughs ]
l hate processing
magicians.
Ma, don't teach Chelsea
that girly crap.
This isn't the Dark Ages.
Here.
Oh, and a fashion doll
with big watermelon boobs
teaches
the right lessons, huh?
That's-That's
what's going on.
Barbie is a freaking
race car driver
these days, Ma.
She bungee jumps
and parasails.
And l think there's even
a bomb disposal
robot accessory.
Thank you for
the Barbie.
BARBlE:
Girls can do anything,
especially math.
Let me be absolutely
clear about that.
Alright, Barbie,
let's have adventures!
[ gasps ]
That's her!
That's my little girl.
How did this happen?
Well, Chelsea's race car
hit the wall
at speeds in excess
of 200 miles an hour.
So, pbht.
Race car?
Where did she get a race car?
Girls these days have
all sorts of adventures, ma'am.
This isn't
the Dark Ages.
She was eight years old!
At least she died
doing what she loved, Ma.
She loved knitting.
Yes, that's lovely.
Now if you could just
fill out some forms.
[ sobbing ]
This is your fault!
Whore!
[ evil laughter ]
[ radio static ]
This is Lex Luthor.
Only one thing alive
on less than four legs
can hear this frequency,
Superman.
And that's you.
ln approximately five minutes,
a poisonous gas
will flood the city,
annihilating half
of Metropolis.
Seems excessive,
but how else was l gonna
meet you, Superman?
After all, you would never
accept an invitation to tea.
[ mewling ]
But a disaster
with citizens in danger...
well, l just knew you wouldn't
resist the chance to help.
Ow!
Ow!
[ laughs ]
Ow!
[ moans ]
Ow!
[ moans ]
Ow!
[ moans ]
Ow!
[ moans ]
Ow!
[ moans ]
Ow!
Flubber brand condoms!
On sale now!
[ alarm ringing ]
Where's that new driver
you hired?
[ tires screech ]
Who the hell are you?
l'm the best!
- Let's go!
- There's four of you.
Who cares?!
Now drive!
The deal was transportation
for three men
whose combined weight
did not exceed 250 kilos.
Well, this is a new deal.
Now drive!
One of you has to go.
Are you nuts?!
They're almost here!
That's better!
[ laughs ]
Here we go.
Come on, man,
they're gaining on us!
l always come prepared.
What,
are you kidding me?!
Banana peels?!
Whoa, actually they are
surprisingly effective.
Look out!
Are those green turtles?
Whatever they are,
they're getting shot.
No! Green turtles
are endangered!
Yahoo!
Yahoo!
You're not gonna try to smash
through that, are you?
l already told you,
l'm the best!
Yahoo!
Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya-Ya...
Yahoo!
♪ [ video game music plays ] ♪
Don't worry,
they won't follow us out here.
[ sirens approach ]
l thought you said they wouldn't
follow us.
Once we're across that bridge,
we're home free!
He's gaining on us!
Do something.
We're almost there!
He's gonna catch us!
Use one of the things!
No! Not that one!
The blue turtle shell always
seeks out...
[ gasps ]
the lead car.
[ screaming ]
♪ [ clucking ] ♪