Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 4, Episode 12 - Maurice Was Caught - full transcript
Simon Belmont knows what works. Kermit the Frog introduces everyone to his cousin. The creators imagine what the new Gone with the Wind remake would look like. Annie Warbucks celebrates her super sweet 16.
[ thunder crashing ]
[ drilling, sawing ]
[ electricity crackling ]
lt's alive!
Show yourself,
Dracula, or
Show yourself,
Dracula, or
l'll tear
Castlevania from its
very foundation.
Dracula's least of your
worries,
Simon Belmont.
[ howling ]
BOTH:
[ laughing ] A whip?!
l hope you
brought something
more powerful.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Holy crow,
that hurt!
l can't feel my
damn fingers!
Take me to
your master!
Okay, damn,
just take it easy
with the whip!
l don't think
my hand works anymore.
l can't even
make a fist.
Don't you
realize how loud
that is?!
So, we meet again,
Belmont.
Do you know
your father died in
exactly that spot?
Ooh, what's that,
a whip?
[ laughs ]
Ooh, ooh, you hit the tit.
Aah!
You son of a bitch!
Ow, the tit.
Oh,
l'm the master.
l don't have
to stand for this.
[ laughs ]
Oh!
Ow! Ooh! Aah!
What kind of a
sadist uses a
whip?
Could be a fetish.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Oh!
Reggie.
Here you go, Judge.
[ clears throat ]
Thank you, Reggie.
[ grunts ]
Yeah. [ laughs ]
A-a-a-a-nd...
Killed by a fairy.
[ evil laughter ]
♪ Google's my friend, and it's
not just for porno ♪
♪ lt also gets me ♪
♪ Cheat codes ♪
Ahh,
sweet cheat codes.
[ beeping ]
[ alarm blaring ]
We've been hacked!
Trace the signal!
We must overreact
immediately!
''Click here to
Nuke Canada''?
[ explosion ]
That didn't do anything.
Get down!
Get on the ground now!
l want to see
your hands right
Now!
Don't move!
Get down!
l got it!
Uh...
Ooh! Hey!
You will answer
our question.
Who is code name
High Priestess?
The High Priestess is
equivalent to
a fourth-level
agent of Mordor.
Mordor.
And where is that?
East of Gondor,
l believe.
Waterboard.
Waterboard --
what is that?
[ gurgling ]
Where is Mordor?!
South of the
Ash Mountain!
Where?!
North of the
Sea of Núrnen!
[ gurgles ]
Where?!
Where?!
[ squealing ]
[ voice breaking ]
What do you
want me to say?!
Pakistan.
Pakistan!
Mordor's in Pakistan!
Please, there
must be a mistake.
l just wanted
to be a high Priestess.
Oh, don't worry.
You will be.
Dang it!
Yeah!
ALL:
♪ start sharing ♪
l like sharing.
Yay, everybody!
Sharing!
That's the way you're
supposed to do it.
[ slow clapping ]
Oh.
Hi, old Gordo.
Hey, everyone,
this is my cousin
Gordon Gekko.
Gordon is a
powerful executive
on Wall Street.
So, what do
you think about Shar--
the richest
1 % of this
country owns
half our country's
wealth --
$5 trillion.
$1 trillion.
[ laughs ]
$2 trill--
Shut up.
Greed,
for lack of a better
word, is good.
Greed works.
My dad says
being greedy is bad.
Your dad wouldn't
know how to
pour piss out
of a boot if the
instructions
were on the heel.
ls Kermit over here
sharing with you?
You think he's
getting paid the
same amount you
are to sit here
and sing songs
about sharing?
Okay, Gordo.
[ laughs ]
lt's time to
get back to the office.
See this building
behind me?
First place
l ever bought.
Flipped it and
made 800,000 bucks.
lt was better
than sex.
Okay, who
wants to share a
healthy after-
school snack?
l want to
make $800,000!
Me, too!
First you
have to quit
dressing like
9-year-old kids.
Let's go buy these
fuckers some little suits.
Well, l guess
that lesson was
brought to you
by the number
''douchebag.''
[ laughs ]
We'll burn Atlanta to the
ground!
Your cause is lost,
Southern fool.
l believe in
Rhett Butler.
He's the only
cause l know.
Split kick!
Jean-Claude
Van Damme!
War, war, war.
l'm so bored,
l could scream.
l always had
you pegged for a
screamer,
Scarlett O'Hara.
[ grunts ]
Cynthia Rothrock!
[ gasps, screams ]
[ grunting ]
Come here!
There we go.
[ laughing ]
Ow!
Hurry, Harold!
l'm in the
mo-o-o-o-od!
H-e-e-e-ere l-l-l-l-l...
co-o-o-o-o-me.
Gonna ta-a-a-a-p
tha-a-a-a-a-t.
Oh, damn it!
You know,
it's not like purple
pants grow on trees!
There's only
one Dillard's that
carries these
that's all the way
Downtown, and
now l have to --
[ roars ]
We, the scientists of the
world, are sick of
hearing about jet packs!
''Oh, Mr. Scientist,
where's my jet pack?
We've been waiting
since the 1950s.
Wah, wah, wah!''
Well, we tried, okay?
[ engine whirring ]
[ engine whirring ]
[ engine whirring ]
[ engine whirring ]
[ screams ]
[ engine whirring ]
Satisfied?
Now, please,
leave us alone so
we can get back
to making your
iPod smaller.
♪ l'm Petroleum Pete, and l
can't be beat ♪
♪ And l'm a big,
old dinosaur ♪
♪ So when you
buy gasoline ♪
♪ You're keeping
my memory
alive ♪
♪ So if some
vegetarian talks to
you about alternative
sources of fuel ♪
♪ Kick him in the balls ♪
Or if it's a woman, in the taco.
Ow, my taco!
So remember,
kids, we're
locked in a
death struggle
against the Earth,
which hates us.
We didn't do anything,
so we got
to destroy it first!
Oh, let's build
a gas-powered
rocket and fly
away to another
planet where
dinosaurs and kids
just ride
motorcycles and shoot
machine guns
and sit around all
day, playing
video games in the
air-conditioning
and never go to
gym class, man!
Thank you,
oil industry!
[ bell rings ]
Oh, hey, we
forgot to destroy
the Earth.
ALL:
Yay!
♪ l'm turning 16 ♪
Hey, bitches!
l'm Annie Warbucks.
When l was an
orphan, l dreamed
of being rich!
Now that l am,
l dream of
showing those
other orphans just
how fucking
rich l am!
So l'm throwing
a super-bitching
Sweet 16!
As you can see,
l love red, so
that's the theme
of my party --
red hair, red dress,
red vodka,
and for the
entertainment...
Who the fuck
are Simply Red?
l thought
they'd fit your
theme, darling!
Don't screw
this up, geez.
Oh, my gosh!
This party is
going to be off
the hizook!
So l'm creating
super-special
invitations!
Thanks for the
invite, Annie.
Um, you
didn't get an
invitation.
You are the invitation.
lsn't that clever?
Your own
little orphan.
Daddy is so stupid.
l told him that
for my birthday
l wanted the two
round objects l
seem to be missing,
and he got
me a boob job!
Unh-unh,
no peeking.
These suns
will come out
tomorrow.
So l took Daddy
to the car
dealership to
pick out my
birthday gift.
Well, Annie,
how about a
little red Corvette?
l want a big red Corvette!
Okay.
With huge diamonds for
headlights!
Sure thing.
And solid-gold seats!
Of course, my dear.
And a...
Really big...
Bring it on, baby!
l'm Daddy fucking
Warbucks!
[ gasps ]
This is not
red velvet cake!
How can you suck
at so many jobs
when it's
in your name,
''Pun-job''?!
Fuck that girl!
[ dance music plays ]
Happy birthday,
Annie!
l got my hair
straightened so
that just for,
like, once l
didn't look like
a 75-year-old retiree.
You're so right.
You did look
like a 75-year-old retiree.
[ music stops ]
Get the fuck
out of my
party!
[ music continues ]
She was a big
hit on the red
carpet!
l saw her
other red carpet,
more like a
welcome mat.
My present
had better be
huge, old man!
Annie, l've
gotten you the
biggest, reddest
gift money can
buy...
Mars!
[ crowd cheers ]
This has been
the sweetest
sweet 16 ever!
Ugh! Mars sucks!
[ buzzing ]
Sandy, is that you?
Wait!
Come back!
[ grunts ]
[ screaming ]
[ cre-e-e-e-ak! ]
♪ Ba-bawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
[ drilling, sawing ]
[ electricity crackling ]
lt's alive!
Show yourself,
Dracula, or
Show yourself,
Dracula, or
l'll tear
Castlevania from its
very foundation.
Dracula's least of your
worries,
Simon Belmont.
[ howling ]
BOTH:
[ laughing ] A whip?!
l hope you
brought something
more powerful.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Holy crow,
that hurt!
l can't feel my
damn fingers!
Take me to
your master!
Okay, damn,
just take it easy
with the whip!
l don't think
my hand works anymore.
l can't even
make a fist.
Don't you
realize how loud
that is?!
So, we meet again,
Belmont.
Do you know
your father died in
exactly that spot?
Ooh, what's that,
a whip?
[ laughs ]
Ooh, ooh, you hit the tit.
Aah!
You son of a bitch!
Ow, the tit.
Oh,
l'm the master.
l don't have
to stand for this.
[ laughs ]
Oh!
Ow! Ooh! Aah!
What kind of a
sadist uses a
whip?
Could be a fetish.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Oh!
Reggie.
Here you go, Judge.
[ clears throat ]
Thank you, Reggie.
[ grunts ]
Yeah. [ laughs ]
A-a-a-a-nd...
Killed by a fairy.
[ evil laughter ]
♪ Google's my friend, and it's
not just for porno ♪
♪ lt also gets me ♪
♪ Cheat codes ♪
Ahh,
sweet cheat codes.
[ beeping ]
[ alarm blaring ]
We've been hacked!
Trace the signal!
We must overreact
immediately!
''Click here to
Nuke Canada''?
[ explosion ]
That didn't do anything.
Get down!
Get on the ground now!
l want to see
your hands right
Now!
Don't move!
Get down!
l got it!
Uh...
Ooh! Hey!
You will answer
our question.
Who is code name
High Priestess?
The High Priestess is
equivalent to
a fourth-level
agent of Mordor.
Mordor.
And where is that?
East of Gondor,
l believe.
Waterboard.
Waterboard --
what is that?
[ gurgling ]
Where is Mordor?!
South of the
Ash Mountain!
Where?!
North of the
Sea of Núrnen!
[ gurgles ]
Where?!
Where?!
[ squealing ]
[ voice breaking ]
What do you
want me to say?!
Pakistan.
Pakistan!
Mordor's in Pakistan!
Please, there
must be a mistake.
l just wanted
to be a high Priestess.
Oh, don't worry.
You will be.
Dang it!
Yeah!
ALL:
♪ start sharing ♪
l like sharing.
Yay, everybody!
Sharing!
That's the way you're
supposed to do it.
[ slow clapping ]
Oh.
Hi, old Gordo.
Hey, everyone,
this is my cousin
Gordon Gekko.
Gordon is a
powerful executive
on Wall Street.
So, what do
you think about Shar--
the richest
1 % of this
country owns
half our country's
wealth --
$5 trillion.
$1 trillion.
[ laughs ]
$2 trill--
Shut up.
Greed,
for lack of a better
word, is good.
Greed works.
My dad says
being greedy is bad.
Your dad wouldn't
know how to
pour piss out
of a boot if the
instructions
were on the heel.
ls Kermit over here
sharing with you?
You think he's
getting paid the
same amount you
are to sit here
and sing songs
about sharing?
Okay, Gordo.
[ laughs ]
lt's time to
get back to the office.
See this building
behind me?
First place
l ever bought.
Flipped it and
made 800,000 bucks.
lt was better
than sex.
Okay, who
wants to share a
healthy after-
school snack?
l want to
make $800,000!
Me, too!
First you
have to quit
dressing like
9-year-old kids.
Let's go buy these
fuckers some little suits.
Well, l guess
that lesson was
brought to you
by the number
''douchebag.''
[ laughs ]
We'll burn Atlanta to the
ground!
Your cause is lost,
Southern fool.
l believe in
Rhett Butler.
He's the only
cause l know.
Split kick!
Jean-Claude
Van Damme!
War, war, war.
l'm so bored,
l could scream.
l always had
you pegged for a
screamer,
Scarlett O'Hara.
[ grunts ]
Cynthia Rothrock!
[ gasps, screams ]
[ grunting ]
Come here!
There we go.
[ laughing ]
Ow!
Hurry, Harold!
l'm in the
mo-o-o-o-od!
H-e-e-e-ere l-l-l-l-l...
co-o-o-o-o-me.
Gonna ta-a-a-a-p
tha-a-a-a-a-t.
Oh, damn it!
You know,
it's not like purple
pants grow on trees!
There's only
one Dillard's that
carries these
that's all the way
Downtown, and
now l have to --
[ roars ]
We, the scientists of the
world, are sick of
hearing about jet packs!
''Oh, Mr. Scientist,
where's my jet pack?
We've been waiting
since the 1950s.
Wah, wah, wah!''
Well, we tried, okay?
[ engine whirring ]
[ engine whirring ]
[ engine whirring ]
[ engine whirring ]
[ screams ]
[ engine whirring ]
Satisfied?
Now, please,
leave us alone so
we can get back
to making your
iPod smaller.
♪ l'm Petroleum Pete, and l
can't be beat ♪
♪ And l'm a big,
old dinosaur ♪
♪ So when you
buy gasoline ♪
♪ You're keeping
my memory
alive ♪
♪ So if some
vegetarian talks to
you about alternative
sources of fuel ♪
♪ Kick him in the balls ♪
Or if it's a woman, in the taco.
Ow, my taco!
So remember,
kids, we're
locked in a
death struggle
against the Earth,
which hates us.
We didn't do anything,
so we got
to destroy it first!
Oh, let's build
a gas-powered
rocket and fly
away to another
planet where
dinosaurs and kids
just ride
motorcycles and shoot
machine guns
and sit around all
day, playing
video games in the
air-conditioning
and never go to
gym class, man!
Thank you,
oil industry!
[ bell rings ]
Oh, hey, we
forgot to destroy
the Earth.
ALL:
Yay!
♪ l'm turning 16 ♪
Hey, bitches!
l'm Annie Warbucks.
When l was an
orphan, l dreamed
of being rich!
Now that l am,
l dream of
showing those
other orphans just
how fucking
rich l am!
So l'm throwing
a super-bitching
Sweet 16!
As you can see,
l love red, so
that's the theme
of my party --
red hair, red dress,
red vodka,
and for the
entertainment...
Who the fuck
are Simply Red?
l thought
they'd fit your
theme, darling!
Don't screw
this up, geez.
Oh, my gosh!
This party is
going to be off
the hizook!
So l'm creating
super-special
invitations!
Thanks for the
invite, Annie.
Um, you
didn't get an
invitation.
You are the invitation.
lsn't that clever?
Your own
little orphan.
Daddy is so stupid.
l told him that
for my birthday
l wanted the two
round objects l
seem to be missing,
and he got
me a boob job!
Unh-unh,
no peeking.
These suns
will come out
tomorrow.
So l took Daddy
to the car
dealership to
pick out my
birthday gift.
Well, Annie,
how about a
little red Corvette?
l want a big red Corvette!
Okay.
With huge diamonds for
headlights!
Sure thing.
And solid-gold seats!
Of course, my dear.
And a...
Really big...
Bring it on, baby!
l'm Daddy fucking
Warbucks!
[ gasps ]
This is not
red velvet cake!
How can you suck
at so many jobs
when it's
in your name,
''Pun-job''?!
Fuck that girl!
[ dance music plays ]
Happy birthday,
Annie!
l got my hair
straightened so
that just for,
like, once l
didn't look like
a 75-year-old retiree.
You're so right.
You did look
like a 75-year-old retiree.
[ music stops ]
Get the fuck
out of my
party!
[ music continues ]
She was a big
hit on the red
carpet!
l saw her
other red carpet,
more like a
welcome mat.
My present
had better be
huge, old man!
Annie, l've
gotten you the
biggest, reddest
gift money can
buy...
Mars!
[ crowd cheers ]
This has been
the sweetest
sweet 16 ever!
Ugh! Mars sucks!
[ buzzing ]
Sandy, is that you?
Wait!
Come back!
[ grunts ]
[ screaming ]
[ cre-e-e-e-ak! ]
♪ Ba-bawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk
bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
Ba-gawk! Bawk.