Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 11, Episode 13 - May Cause Indecision... Or Not - full transcript
According to Robot Chicken, Fred Flintstone's meaning of Christmas is madness; Freddy Krueger's nightmare is a weirdo's wet dream; We interview a toilet.
[ Hammer clanging ]
♪
[ Laughs ]
♪
Man: It's alive!
♪
[ Laughter ]
♪
[ Laughter ]
Give me all your money.
Oh, please don't hurt me!
Not so fast, punk.
Aah!
Upside down now! Aah!
Thanks, Spider Man!
♪
[ Thud! ]
[ No sound ]
Oh, hello, Kendra, I see you
posting that thirst trap.
I mean, a girl's gotta 'gram.
I bet you're going to have
a bunch of hunks
sliding into your DMs.
Man: Did someone say "DM"?
[ Cellphone chimes ]
"Ooh. Is this a photo
of a desert?
Because I can't handle
the thirst," ReplyGuy69.
Ugh!
No, not him again.
Zip-zoop!
Tis I, Reply Guy,
responding to women's posts
faster than the speediest Wi-Fi.
R-R-R-Reply Guy ♪
Ho, ho, ho.
Merry Christmas!
Fred Flintstone!
You're the best Santa Claus
we ever had
here Macyrock's
Department Store.
Here you go, kid.
Great Gazoo! Do you want
to sit on Santa's lap?
You stopped having a lap
in your 20s, fatso.
Don't worry.
That joke's still cool.
This episode aired in 1964.
[ Laughs ] - Very funny,
wise guy. Now scram.
I'm spreading Christmas spirit.
Fred, dum dum, what year is it?
This is the year
10,000 B.C.
Do they teach you what B.C.
stands for
in the School of Rock?
Of course.
Before Christ.
So you are celebrating
a holiday named after some dude
who won't be born
- for another 10,000 years?
What are you getting at?
Well, I'll just show you.
- Aah!
Oh!
What's the big idea?
A bunch of cavemen
celebrating Christmas.
That's the big idea.
You've literally broken
the time-space continuum,
you fucking idiot.
Holy macaroni!
- On Zetox, we always knew
your timeline
was a danger to us,
but we couldn't figure
it out until you rock humpers
actually started
celebrating Christmas!
Christmas!
Which they did in season five.
It's a shame when God's plan
goes wrong, ain't it, Gazoo?
Say, how come you
can see Gazoo, Mr. Macyrock?
Only me, Barney, children
and animals can see Gazoo.
Yes, my storyline was insulting.
Because, Flintstone!
I'm Satan.
[ Laughs ]
Holy shit, it's Lucifer,
the Lord of Hell,
Quick, dum dum, Bedrock is
doomed if you don't kill Satan!
♪
Announcer:
Will Fred kill Satan?
Will Betty get that
saber-tooth fur coat
or did Barney lose their
Christmas money shooting craps?
Find out after these messages
for cigarettes and bourbon!
♪
[ Smooches ]
[ Laughs ]
[ Rock music playing ]
Ooh!
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo!
Announcer: You screamed
when you met "Jaws."
You couldn't believe your eyes
when you saw "The Meg."
Now get ready
for the biggest shark yet.
That's a pretty big shark.
That one?
No. The one behind it.
This summer,
stay out of the water.
Hell, stay off the planet.
Sharks finally got too big.
"Big Fucking Shark
Fuck Fucking Shark Fuck:
The Legend Begins."
♪
You're my number-one guy.
[ Chuckles ]
You looking to take in
any more strays? Woof-woof!
Ugh! Damn it,
Reply Guy!
R-R-R-Reply Guy ♪
O-Oh, my God!
With my Infant-o-Ray,
I will turn all the people
of Earth into helpless infants.
Enjoy crappin' your pants,
Space Ace!
Oh, no! Aah!
Aging in reverse visibly!
Blast! Only nicked him.
Oh, man, I'm a teenager again?
Wait! This means
- my parents aren't divorced yet.
Maybe if I get straight A's,
my mom won't stop loving my dad.
Yeah, but it's, uh,
not a time machine.
[ Both grunting ]
Wait, stop, uh, you're, um,
you're spotting.
Yes, I'm Cheetah.
I have spots.
No, you're... you're spotting.
Oh, shoot. Not today.
Hey, don't worry.
You know, I always carry
a spare tampon. Here.
Oh, thank you, Wonder Woman.
Girl code trumps arch
rivalry every time.
I've been thinking
- about trying that Diva Cup.
Way better at handling
a super flow.
Ugh!
- Fuck off, Flash!
I will.
♪
I knew it!
"Teen Wolf" did come out
in 1985.
♪
Turns out you're actually
size eight.
Not that big after all.
Who am Bigfoot now?
[ Sobbing ]
Man: Oh, yeah.
- [ Laughs ]
Looks like someone's
having a naughty dream.
Hate to kill the mood!
What the hell, man?
Oh, uh,
I, um...
[ German accent ]
Can we help you?
I'm sorry. I'm...
I'm here to kill Jonathan.
Well, he ain't here, capeesh?
But this is his dream.
Yeah.
He's having a sex dream
about the Michelin Man
bonking Mr. Met.
Oh, God. R-Really?
Hey, no judgment, right?
Who cares?
Um, so he's not here?
No.
I guess I'll come back
another time.
Ja. Auf Wiedersehen.
Oh, it worked.
You guys are the best.
Hey, you got it, Jonathan.
Any time.
So happy to help.
You sure you guys don't want to,
you know, stay?
Not after last time.
Captain Planet!
Oh, shit!
[ Smooth jazz playing ]
Argh! You hear that,
Captain?
Aye. It be
the smooth jazz sirens.
[ Smooth jazz playing ]
It's so painful, but so catchy!
Resist it, me boy!
- Resist the smooth jazz! Argh!
I... I can't!
Rhythmically moving!
No! Stephen, me boy!
[ Hissing ]
Aah!
Argh! You want a tip?
Learn some Springsteen!
[ Dramatic music ]
♪
[ Camera shutter clicks,
cellphone whooshes ]
[ Cellphone chimes ]
"This is funny,
and I am impressed
that you wrote it as a woman"?
Reply Guy!
Who ordered the me?
No!
Knock, knock!
Who's there? It's me!
I think I might got glass
lodged in my scrotum.
R-R-R-Reply Guy ♪
Blocked?! No!
I'll see you on Twitter!
You're watching E!'s
red carpet coverage
where the biggest stars
of HBO are now arriving.
There's one now.
It's Millennial Girl Toilet.
Hi.
Wow.
Tonight you're nominated
for "I May Destroy You"
and "Love Life."
I haven't seen either and know
nothing else about you.
Yes.
So many thrilling scenes
where lead actresses pee
into me with the door open.
And your big break came
from appearing on "Girls"?
Hmm. Lena Dunham
actually mentored me
as another young white woman
who's taken a ton of shit.
Which HBO role has been
your fave?
"Euphoria."
Teens would throw up into me,
dump pills into me
and get their boxes
munched on top of me.
Wow. Such range.
Anything coming up?
- Yes.
Half the new season of "Barry"
takes place in a men's room.
Weird pivot,
- but Henry Winkler's a doll.
Congrats, girl.
Oh, look, it's the outhouse
from "Westworld."
Whose scat are you wearing
tonight?
Groggy wake from sleep.
What the?
I don't remember anything
before waking up this morning.
Where am I. Who am I?
Maybe these tattoos are a clue.
Harold, this is Rudy Tabuti.
He loves to draw with chalk
as much as you love
your purple crayon.
You'll probably have
a lot to talk about
or you'll continue
to be eerily quiet.
We have to get you tested.
Why don't you two kids go play?
Wow.
A magic crayon.
That's cool,
- but I'll do you one better.
Come on!
Wanna go meet my friends?
Zoom-zoom!
[ Coughing ] Things move
fast in the Chalk Zone.
♪
[ Coughing ] Hey!
I guess I'll wing it.
♪
This is my world, kid!
You don't even stand a chance.
Chalk was around long before
your dumb little crayon.
♪
[ Both grunting ]
♪
[ Roaring ]
♪
[ Gunshots firing ]
♪
You think you won,
but you didn't.
[ Laughs ]
♪
Millie: It was great
to see you, Caroline.
We'll have to do
this more often.
Hurry up, Rudy, stop slouching.
[ Door closes ]
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
Stoopid Monkey.
♪
[ Laughs ]
♪
Man: It's alive!
♪
[ Laughter ]
♪
[ Laughter ]
Give me all your money.
Oh, please don't hurt me!
Not so fast, punk.
Aah!
Upside down now! Aah!
Thanks, Spider Man!
♪
[ Thud! ]
[ No sound ]
Oh, hello, Kendra, I see you
posting that thirst trap.
I mean, a girl's gotta 'gram.
I bet you're going to have
a bunch of hunks
sliding into your DMs.
Man: Did someone say "DM"?
[ Cellphone chimes ]
"Ooh. Is this a photo
of a desert?
Because I can't handle
the thirst," ReplyGuy69.
Ugh!
No, not him again.
Zip-zoop!
Tis I, Reply Guy,
responding to women's posts
faster than the speediest Wi-Fi.
R-R-R-Reply Guy ♪
Ho, ho, ho.
Merry Christmas!
Fred Flintstone!
You're the best Santa Claus
we ever had
here Macyrock's
Department Store.
Here you go, kid.
Great Gazoo! Do you want
to sit on Santa's lap?
You stopped having a lap
in your 20s, fatso.
Don't worry.
That joke's still cool.
This episode aired in 1964.
[ Laughs ] - Very funny,
wise guy. Now scram.
I'm spreading Christmas spirit.
Fred, dum dum, what year is it?
This is the year
10,000 B.C.
Do they teach you what B.C.
stands for
in the School of Rock?
Of course.
Before Christ.
So you are celebrating
a holiday named after some dude
who won't be born
- for another 10,000 years?
What are you getting at?
Well, I'll just show you.
- Aah!
Oh!
What's the big idea?
A bunch of cavemen
celebrating Christmas.
That's the big idea.
You've literally broken
the time-space continuum,
you fucking idiot.
Holy macaroni!
- On Zetox, we always knew
your timeline
was a danger to us,
but we couldn't figure
it out until you rock humpers
actually started
celebrating Christmas!
Christmas!
Which they did in season five.
It's a shame when God's plan
goes wrong, ain't it, Gazoo?
Say, how come you
can see Gazoo, Mr. Macyrock?
Only me, Barney, children
and animals can see Gazoo.
Yes, my storyline was insulting.
Because, Flintstone!
I'm Satan.
[ Laughs ]
Holy shit, it's Lucifer,
the Lord of Hell,
Quick, dum dum, Bedrock is
doomed if you don't kill Satan!
♪
Announcer:
Will Fred kill Satan?
Will Betty get that
saber-tooth fur coat
or did Barney lose their
Christmas money shooting craps?
Find out after these messages
for cigarettes and bourbon!
♪
[ Smooches ]
[ Laughs ]
[ Rock music playing ]
Ooh!
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo!
Announcer: You screamed
when you met "Jaws."
You couldn't believe your eyes
when you saw "The Meg."
Now get ready
for the biggest shark yet.
That's a pretty big shark.
That one?
No. The one behind it.
This summer,
stay out of the water.
Hell, stay off the planet.
Sharks finally got too big.
"Big Fucking Shark
Fuck Fucking Shark Fuck:
The Legend Begins."
♪
You're my number-one guy.
[ Chuckles ]
You looking to take in
any more strays? Woof-woof!
Ugh! Damn it,
Reply Guy!
R-R-R-Reply Guy ♪
O-Oh, my God!
With my Infant-o-Ray,
I will turn all the people
of Earth into helpless infants.
Enjoy crappin' your pants,
Space Ace!
Oh, no! Aah!
Aging in reverse visibly!
Blast! Only nicked him.
Oh, man, I'm a teenager again?
Wait! This means
- my parents aren't divorced yet.
Maybe if I get straight A's,
my mom won't stop loving my dad.
Yeah, but it's, uh,
not a time machine.
[ Both grunting ]
Wait, stop, uh, you're, um,
you're spotting.
Yes, I'm Cheetah.
I have spots.
No, you're... you're spotting.
Oh, shoot. Not today.
Hey, don't worry.
You know, I always carry
a spare tampon. Here.
Oh, thank you, Wonder Woman.
Girl code trumps arch
rivalry every time.
I've been thinking
- about trying that Diva Cup.
Way better at handling
a super flow.
Ugh!
- Fuck off, Flash!
I will.
♪
I knew it!
"Teen Wolf" did come out
in 1985.
♪
Turns out you're actually
size eight.
Not that big after all.
Who am Bigfoot now?
[ Sobbing ]
Man: Oh, yeah.
- [ Laughs ]
Looks like someone's
having a naughty dream.
Hate to kill the mood!
What the hell, man?
Oh, uh,
I, um...
[ German accent ]
Can we help you?
I'm sorry. I'm...
I'm here to kill Jonathan.
Well, he ain't here, capeesh?
But this is his dream.
Yeah.
He's having a sex dream
about the Michelin Man
bonking Mr. Met.
Oh, God. R-Really?
Hey, no judgment, right?
Who cares?
Um, so he's not here?
No.
I guess I'll come back
another time.
Ja. Auf Wiedersehen.
Oh, it worked.
You guys are the best.
Hey, you got it, Jonathan.
Any time.
So happy to help.
You sure you guys don't want to,
you know, stay?
Not after last time.
Captain Planet!
Oh, shit!
[ Smooth jazz playing ]
Argh! You hear that,
Captain?
Aye. It be
the smooth jazz sirens.
[ Smooth jazz playing ]
It's so painful, but so catchy!
Resist it, me boy!
- Resist the smooth jazz! Argh!
I... I can't!
Rhythmically moving!
No! Stephen, me boy!
[ Hissing ]
Aah!
Argh! You want a tip?
Learn some Springsteen!
[ Dramatic music ]
♪
[ Camera shutter clicks,
cellphone whooshes ]
[ Cellphone chimes ]
"This is funny,
and I am impressed
that you wrote it as a woman"?
Reply Guy!
Who ordered the me?
No!
Knock, knock!
Who's there? It's me!
I think I might got glass
lodged in my scrotum.
R-R-R-Reply Guy ♪
Blocked?! No!
I'll see you on Twitter!
You're watching E!'s
red carpet coverage
where the biggest stars
of HBO are now arriving.
There's one now.
It's Millennial Girl Toilet.
Hi.
Wow.
Tonight you're nominated
for "I May Destroy You"
and "Love Life."
I haven't seen either and know
nothing else about you.
Yes.
So many thrilling scenes
where lead actresses pee
into me with the door open.
And your big break came
from appearing on "Girls"?
Hmm. Lena Dunham
actually mentored me
as another young white woman
who's taken a ton of shit.
Which HBO role has been
your fave?
"Euphoria."
Teens would throw up into me,
dump pills into me
and get their boxes
munched on top of me.
Wow. Such range.
Anything coming up?
- Yes.
Half the new season of "Barry"
takes place in a men's room.
Weird pivot,
- but Henry Winkler's a doll.
Congrats, girl.
Oh, look, it's the outhouse
from "Westworld."
Whose scat are you wearing
tonight?
Groggy wake from sleep.
What the?
I don't remember anything
before waking up this morning.
Where am I. Who am I?
Maybe these tattoos are a clue.
Harold, this is Rudy Tabuti.
He loves to draw with chalk
as much as you love
your purple crayon.
You'll probably have
a lot to talk about
or you'll continue
to be eerily quiet.
We have to get you tested.
Why don't you two kids go play?
Wow.
A magic crayon.
That's cool,
- but I'll do you one better.
Come on!
Wanna go meet my friends?
Zoom-zoom!
[ Coughing ] Things move
fast in the Chalk Zone.
♪
[ Coughing ] Hey!
I guess I'll wing it.
♪
This is my world, kid!
You don't even stand a chance.
Chalk was around long before
your dumb little crayon.
♪
[ Both grunting ]
♪
[ Roaring ]
♪
[ Gunshots firing ]
♪
You think you won,
but you didn't.
[ Laughs ]
♪
Millie: It was great
to see you, Caroline.
We'll have to do
this more often.
Hurry up, Rudy, stop slouching.
[ Door closes ]
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
Stoopid Monkey.