Robot Chicken (2001–…): Season 10, Episode 9 - Spike Fraser in: Should I Happen to Back Into a Horse - full transcript
It's alive!
Oh, my god... Larry!
Infinity.
Just like that.
Ah, fuck.
I am Sauron, lord of the rings!
I did it!
Oh! Nooooo!
Are we expecting anyone?
If you're a salesman,
we don't have any mo... oh!
Is she here?
I, uh, uh, uh...
Honey, who is it?
Mother?
Bambi?
Father said you
couldn't be with us
because man had taken you away.
A man, Bambi.
A man took me away.
This is David.
Um, would you like to come in?
Please do.
I... I have a lot to explain.
No. I just wanted the truth,
and I got it.
Mama, who is it?
Bambi ii, meet your brother.
Do you want to play with me?
A brother?!
I, uh...
Come on. I'll show you
my salt lick.
Okay.
Well, hello, there, buddy.
Who... whose bear is this?
Easy, big guy.
Yeah, I got a code 7
on platform 6.
Ha-ha.
N-Nice Teddy.
Are you hungry?
Owww!
Aah! Aaaah!
And then Paddington pulled out
his spine and roared to the sky.
Another trophy
for his bloodlust.
This book's awesome!
The San Diego zoo's last
male red panda has died.
With only one female left,
this will be the end
of the red panda species.
Marco, you can animorph
into a red panda, right?
Oh, no. No way.
I'm saving myself
for the right human girl.
You're 18 and still a virgin?
Pound that panda!
Pound that panda!
Pound that panda!
Dude, you don't have to
go down on the red panda.
It's about
her pleasure, too, guys.
You think anybody saw you
chomping down on that red panda?
Uh, well, I'm not
in prison, so no.
Authorities are calling
the red panda's pregnancy
a virgin birth,
so we eagerly await
the arrival of red panda Jesus.
So, obviously, the civil war
was fought over states' rights.
Whoooooa!
Oh!
Brainy, what are you doing?
My glasses!
I can't find my glasses!
Papa Smurf always says,
"Brainy Smurf
without his glasses
is like Smurfette
without her tits...
absolutely useless!"
They're on your face!
Your tits?
Oh. Oh!
Aah! Argh!
I believe you're suffering
from CTE, brainy...
chronic traumatic
encephalopathy,
most likely from being tossed
onto your head
one too many times.
What do we do?!
Holistic approaches,
like acupuncture,
have been shown to...
not in the head.
Aah!
Oh, look at that.
Looks fine to me.
Fine?!
You diagnosed him with CTE
and gave him a loaded handgun,
you idiot!
Well, you should have
gone to Dr. Smurf.
I'm costume party smurf!
Holy shit!
Aliens exist!
I feel so small.
We wasted so much time
fighting for turf
when we were just
a mote of dust in god's eye.
Here comes the fucking Punisher!
- Wait, wait, wait!
- None of this matters now!
Gunshot, gunshot!
Ooh, shotgun!
Fighting over watches?
Watch me jam your heads
up each other's wormholes.
Wait, wait!
We're not alone in the universe?
This does change everything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you got it. You got it!
Hey, aliens, watch me fly!
Steve, your testimony today
could help put away
a very bad guy.
What did you see
on the day in question?
Well, I was playing
with my best friend, blue,
when I heard my neighbor scream.
A stranger ran by
covered in blood!
When I went to their house,
their faces had been cut off.
There were clues everywhere.
Steve, do you think the stranger
killed your neighbors
as retribution
for their testimony
against the death wheels?
Yeah, yeah!
Objection!
Leading the witness.
Objection!
Overruled.
The witness shall answer
the question.
Y-Yes.
And is that stranger
in this courtroom today?
Over there!
Over there!
That's him.
You better sleep
with one eye open.
Hiya, Blue.
Nice to meet you.
I'm your new friend, Joe.
Where is Steve?
Steve had to go
into witness protection.
But he's still in touch with,
like, his parents
or someone, no?
Be good.
No witnesses.
Is the target's limo
approaching?
Give the go-code.
Finally, I will see you dead,
wonder woman.
Or should I call you by your
real name, Princess Diana.
Is Princess Diana dead?
What do you mean, wrong limo?
Shred everything!
She was a candle in the wind.
I am skeleton!
No, that's too on-the-nose.
Um... let's see.
Oh.
Hm!
Ho-ho! Hey, now!
They expect us to believe
that a single bullet
entered through
president Kennedy's head,
ricocheted off the mirror,
came back up through
governor Connally's body,
turned right, then left,
then hit the president again?
This magic bullet theory
is absurd!
Honey, what's wrong?
Hup, we gotta get out
of Dallas, Martha.
I've done something bad...
something very bad.
Did you hear that?
Ah, the children of the night.
What beautiful music they make.
Uh, hello. We are
the children of the night,
and this is
Mozart's third symphony,
"The awakening of autumn."
You're making me
look like a real asshole!
Ah, what the hell are you?!
No, don't answer that.
I kill you now.
Did he call yet, mom?
No, honey.
But you know your father
would never miss your birthday.
Mwah!
Caroline, do me a favor and drop
off this $400,000 at the bank.
Let me do that shit.
Caroline gets dumb bitch
all over everything.
Then it's out of bounds
because it's heavy-flow Friday.
You gotta see how I
murdered this tampon!
Uh, no, bitch pudding.
Just go.
Gonna need your gas card.
Suck my cock, temp job.
I'm off to Reno, baby!
Not today, pigs!
A motel for jerking off!
Time to bash my bean
on a pile of cash.
There's more dead birds in here
than Woody Woodpecker's
fucking dungeon.
My name is Norman Bates.
My hobby is taxidermy.
And my hobby is getting stuffed,
but I don't hang
my cooch on the wall.
Ugh! This place smells like
my granny's embalmed asshole!
Gonna jerk it outside.
Oh, mother,
she's just a customer.
She's a slut!
Who's a slut?
I'm a slut!
Let's party!
Oh, mother, I'm sorry.
No, no, you're not sorry.
He's straight-up
Gollum and shit.
It's time to change
your diaper, mother.
Go smash your testicles
with a toilet seat, dear.
Oh, mama, you got out
of my head and you're real.
I'm gonna be up in yo ass
if you don't do as I say!
Oh!
Gah!
I did what you said,
mother! Wait.
Mother only makes me
smash my testicles on Tuesdays.
That was not my mother!
Huh?
What have you done to mother?
Sorry,
but you can only real doll your
dead mama for so long
before she needs
a freakin' shower.
Oh! Ugh!
Aah! You never hit
a mentally ill person
with his dead mother's
severed leg!
It's a real trigger!
Then trigger warning, bitch!
Oh! I just...
fore!
Hello? The police?
Yes, this is Norman bates.
There's a psycho after me.
Snip, snip!
Boo, shit nut!
Ow! Whoa!
10 points!
I love traveling with you!
Should we, you know...
Put your cock in her!
What the?
Who said that?
Are we being watched?
No!
Put your cock in her!
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
Ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
Ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
Ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-gawk! Bawk.
Well, he's probably
just stuck in traffic.
Stoopid monkey.
Oh, my god... Larry!
Infinity.
Just like that.
Ah, fuck.
I am Sauron, lord of the rings!
I did it!
Oh! Nooooo!
Are we expecting anyone?
If you're a salesman,
we don't have any mo... oh!
Is she here?
I, uh, uh, uh...
Honey, who is it?
Mother?
Bambi?
Father said you
couldn't be with us
because man had taken you away.
A man, Bambi.
A man took me away.
This is David.
Um, would you like to come in?
Please do.
I... I have a lot to explain.
No. I just wanted the truth,
and I got it.
Mama, who is it?
Bambi ii, meet your brother.
Do you want to play with me?
A brother?!
I, uh...
Come on. I'll show you
my salt lick.
Okay.
Well, hello, there, buddy.
Who... whose bear is this?
Easy, big guy.
Yeah, I got a code 7
on platform 6.
Ha-ha.
N-Nice Teddy.
Are you hungry?
Owww!
Aah! Aaaah!
And then Paddington pulled out
his spine and roared to the sky.
Another trophy
for his bloodlust.
This book's awesome!
The San Diego zoo's last
male red panda has died.
With only one female left,
this will be the end
of the red panda species.
Marco, you can animorph
into a red panda, right?
Oh, no. No way.
I'm saving myself
for the right human girl.
You're 18 and still a virgin?
Pound that panda!
Pound that panda!
Pound that panda!
Dude, you don't have to
go down on the red panda.
It's about
her pleasure, too, guys.
You think anybody saw you
chomping down on that red panda?
Uh, well, I'm not
in prison, so no.
Authorities are calling
the red panda's pregnancy
a virgin birth,
so we eagerly await
the arrival of red panda Jesus.
So, obviously, the civil war
was fought over states' rights.
Whoooooa!
Oh!
Brainy, what are you doing?
My glasses!
I can't find my glasses!
Papa Smurf always says,
"Brainy Smurf
without his glasses
is like Smurfette
without her tits...
absolutely useless!"
They're on your face!
Your tits?
Oh. Oh!
Aah! Argh!
I believe you're suffering
from CTE, brainy...
chronic traumatic
encephalopathy,
most likely from being tossed
onto your head
one too many times.
What do we do?!
Holistic approaches,
like acupuncture,
have been shown to...
not in the head.
Aah!
Oh, look at that.
Looks fine to me.
Fine?!
You diagnosed him with CTE
and gave him a loaded handgun,
you idiot!
Well, you should have
gone to Dr. Smurf.
I'm costume party smurf!
Holy shit!
Aliens exist!
I feel so small.
We wasted so much time
fighting for turf
when we were just
a mote of dust in god's eye.
Here comes the fucking Punisher!
- Wait, wait, wait!
- None of this matters now!
Gunshot, gunshot!
Ooh, shotgun!
Fighting over watches?
Watch me jam your heads
up each other's wormholes.
Wait, wait!
We're not alone in the universe?
This does change everything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you got it. You got it!
Hey, aliens, watch me fly!
Steve, your testimony today
could help put away
a very bad guy.
What did you see
on the day in question?
Well, I was playing
with my best friend, blue,
when I heard my neighbor scream.
A stranger ran by
covered in blood!
When I went to their house,
their faces had been cut off.
There were clues everywhere.
Steve, do you think the stranger
killed your neighbors
as retribution
for their testimony
against the death wheels?
Yeah, yeah!
Objection!
Leading the witness.
Objection!
Overruled.
The witness shall answer
the question.
Y-Yes.
And is that stranger
in this courtroom today?
Over there!
Over there!
That's him.
You better sleep
with one eye open.
Hiya, Blue.
Nice to meet you.
I'm your new friend, Joe.
Where is Steve?
Steve had to go
into witness protection.
But he's still in touch with,
like, his parents
or someone, no?
Be good.
No witnesses.
Is the target's limo
approaching?
Give the go-code.
Finally, I will see you dead,
wonder woman.
Or should I call you by your
real name, Princess Diana.
Is Princess Diana dead?
What do you mean, wrong limo?
Shred everything!
She was a candle in the wind.
I am skeleton!
No, that's too on-the-nose.
Um... let's see.
Oh.
Hm!
Ho-ho! Hey, now!
They expect us to believe
that a single bullet
entered through
president Kennedy's head,
ricocheted off the mirror,
came back up through
governor Connally's body,
turned right, then left,
then hit the president again?
This magic bullet theory
is absurd!
Honey, what's wrong?
Hup, we gotta get out
of Dallas, Martha.
I've done something bad...
something very bad.
Did you hear that?
Ah, the children of the night.
What beautiful music they make.
Uh, hello. We are
the children of the night,
and this is
Mozart's third symphony,
"The awakening of autumn."
You're making me
look like a real asshole!
Ah, what the hell are you?!
No, don't answer that.
I kill you now.
Did he call yet, mom?
No, honey.
But you know your father
would never miss your birthday.
Mwah!
Caroline, do me a favor and drop
off this $400,000 at the bank.
Let me do that shit.
Caroline gets dumb bitch
all over everything.
Then it's out of bounds
because it's heavy-flow Friday.
You gotta see how I
murdered this tampon!
Uh, no, bitch pudding.
Just go.
Gonna need your gas card.
Suck my cock, temp job.
I'm off to Reno, baby!
Not today, pigs!
A motel for jerking off!
Time to bash my bean
on a pile of cash.
There's more dead birds in here
than Woody Woodpecker's
fucking dungeon.
My name is Norman Bates.
My hobby is taxidermy.
And my hobby is getting stuffed,
but I don't hang
my cooch on the wall.
Ugh! This place smells like
my granny's embalmed asshole!
Gonna jerk it outside.
Oh, mother,
she's just a customer.
She's a slut!
Who's a slut?
I'm a slut!
Let's party!
Oh, mother, I'm sorry.
No, no, you're not sorry.
He's straight-up
Gollum and shit.
It's time to change
your diaper, mother.
Go smash your testicles
with a toilet seat, dear.
Oh, mama, you got out
of my head and you're real.
I'm gonna be up in yo ass
if you don't do as I say!
Oh!
Gah!
I did what you said,
mother! Wait.
Mother only makes me
smash my testicles on Tuesdays.
That was not my mother!
Huh?
What have you done to mother?
Sorry,
but you can only real doll your
dead mama for so long
before she needs
a freakin' shower.
Oh! Ugh!
Aah! You never hit
a mentally ill person
with his dead mother's
severed leg!
It's a real trigger!
Then trigger warning, bitch!
Oh! I just...
fore!
Hello? The police?
Yes, this is Norman bates.
There's a psycho after me.
Snip, snip!
Boo, shit nut!
Ow! Whoa!
10 points!
I love traveling with you!
Should we, you know...
Put your cock in her!
What the?
Who said that?
Are we being watched?
No!
Put your cock in her!
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
Ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
Ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
Ba-bawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk
♪ Ba-gawk! Bawk.
Well, he's probably
just stuck in traffic.
Stoopid monkey.