Robbie (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript
Ladies and gentlemen,
it all comes down to this.
Five, four, three, two...
For the win!
You're gonna have to work a lot harder,
you wanna make that shot.
Why don't you run
those drills I taught you?
Now go on in, wash up.
I'm heading to the game. Your mom's
gonna bring you around later on.
I-I wanna come with you.
- Sit on the bench.
- No way.
You don't get to sit there
just 'cause you're my son.
But I'll tell you what.
You take a shot right now
from right where you're
standing, it goes in,
you can come sit on my team's bench.
- Really?
- Come on.
- Okay, okay.
- Show me what you've got. Let's go.
Win this.
Ah. Like I said, you got work to do.
Come on. You're really not
gonna let me come?
'Course not.
You want to succeed?
You gotta work harder, be
better than everybody else.
Otherwise you're gonna
end up some Joe Nobody.
Dead-end job, no life, and...
nothing to show for it.
No.
Not me.
I'm gonna be great. Just like you.
One Kreamy King ThunderSnow,
with peanut butter crumbles.
Oh.
Can you just give it to me?
I'm trying to get to Atlanta
before rush hour traffic.
Kreamy King policy. I gotta do that.
But... I'll tell you what.
I put a little something
extra in there for ya.
Oh, I didn't, uh, need any...
Well, I know. But sometimes
you ask for one thing,
and then you get a little somethin'
extra you didn't expect.
Kind of like how
I'm the manager here, but, uh...
Surprise.
I'm also a basketball coach.
Yep. Got a game tonight, in fact,
- if you wanna come on down.
- Robbie...
I brought you my old camcorder
like you asked me to.
Beatrice, seriously, I'm trying
to get laid right now. You're...
- Ew.
- What, am I misreading that?
Are you looking for like, a long-term
relationship? You're in Atlanta!
- It's 30 miles out.
- It's a swing and a miss.
Beatrice, did you tape
your husband's funeral?
Yeah.
That's disgusting. You're gross.
You're lucky the government
makes me let you work here.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
And have fun!
- Woo-hoo!
- There we go. There we go.
There we go. There we go.
I got someone waitin'
to come in for you.
Think about that.
Red, we're going this way!
That's a travel!
Father Tom, that's a travel!
Time out.
♪ So rise and shine ♪
♪ And give God the glory, glory... ♪
What are we doin' out there?
What is truly happening
on the court right now?
I genuinely cannot tell if you're
playing the sport of basketball.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Don't watch the
dumb puppet show. Look at this.
Davis, I want you
to get to the post, okay?
Sean, slip underneath.
Don't be afraid to shuffle
your feet a little bit, okay?
Father Tom, he ain't
called shit all night.
Here we go. Hands in. Hands in.
"Basketball" on three. Here we go.
- One, two, three.
- Basketball.
Okay.
Jesus Christ.
Hot damn!
That's a turkey, Coach.
I bet $100 you roll again,
you won't even get two.
I'll get in on that action right now.
Well, I never thought I'd see the day
my son bought a round of drinks.
Yeah, well, happy retirement.
And also, you have
a tab open at the bar.
We need to talk.
I cannot coach church league
basketball anymore, okay?
It is so far beneath me.
I wanna be the next coach
of the Carter High School cougars.
Robbie, I just spent 40
years coaching that team.
They're talking to real coaches.
Well, now, what the hell does that mean?
I am a real coach, Dad.
- Hey, Robbie.
- Oh, shit.
I didn't know you was here.
Yeah, no, I was trying to sort
of keep it on the down low.
Have a private convo with my dad.
Aw, that's so nice. Hey, do you
want the rest of this beer?
- They're done with it.
- No.
No, that's disgusting.
I think that we'll pass
on the used beer.
Okay. More for me.
Hey, I get off work later at
2:00, if you wanna come by.
We can sit in the parking lot.
It'll be real empty.
No, I... 2 a.m.? Empty parking lot?
Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun.
You know me so well, Janie.
I know you pretty well.
I know what your dick tastes like.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
- That's my dad right there.
- Hi, Coach.
We'll take a fresh pitcher of beer.
Unused, please.
You got it. See ya later.
That is so strange.
I don't even really know her.
Are we done here? I got frames waiting.
No, no, no, no. We're not done.
Look, I just need you to call Bailey
and set up the interview. That's it.
Robbie, I can't just get you things.
I'm your son! You're my dad.
- Robbie, Robbie.
- Just say yes.
Say right now you'll do it.
Just say that you'll do it.
"Son, I'll do it. Son, I wanna
help you." Just say it.
I swear on Mom's grave
that I will not stop asking
- until you say you'll do it.
- Robbie, Robbie, all right. Enough.
I tell you what.
You roll a strike right now,
I'll get you an interview.
- Is that real? You being real right now?
- Mm-hmm.
- All right. Challenge accepted.
- Okay.
What the hell is he doing?
Shut up, Scrap. I bowl
granny-style, all right?
The holes hurt my fingers.
Get on with it, Robbie.
♪ This song tells you a sorry tale ♪
♪ Some men have riches
and some men fame ♪
♪ I'm leaving on this southbound train ♪
♪ Let it burn, let it burn ♪
Win this.
Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes.
- Yes!
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Yes!
Yeah. Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Tomorrow's a big day, Janie.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm finally clawing my way
outta my dad's shadow.
Uh, doing the exact same thing he did?
Yes, Janie.
I'm trying to be vulnerable
with you right now
and you're ruining it.
- Sorry!
- Okay.
Well, Beatrice,
I'd say that I'm gonna miss you,
but honestly, I'm not sure you and I
ever really hit it off.
Since you're quittin',
do I get to be manager?
It's not really my call,
but I'll tell you what.
If you take this box out to my car,
I'll put in a good word with corporate.
Hey, Robbie.
Hey... va.
You here for ice cream?
Did you ice cream yet?
I need to talk to you.
All right, well, this is,
uh, my place of business,
so I do not want to talk to someone
who has ripped my heart out of my body.
That was ten years ago.
I'll tell you what,
it feels like ten minutes ago.
Given the fact that Facebook
keeps updating me on all the...
cool stuff you got going on
down in Atlanta.
Tried to delete my account several times.
They don't make it easy.
And I'm very addicted
to social media right now.
I know I sure am.
My name is Beatrice and I'm
addicted to Candy Crush.
How are you even a real person?
My God. Go take that out to the car.
You see that kid over there?
Mm-hmm.
I recognize him from some of your...
posts on Facebook.
He's your son.
Bullshit.
Robbie, talk to me.
You're just smearing
ice cream all over the table.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is that a weird thing to do
when someone just got told
they have a kid?
'Cause I wouldn't know.
It's never happened to me before.
I know. I should have told you.
I just really didn't
want you to be the dad.
Ooh. Well, good.
'Cause I also don't want to be the dad.
I mean, are we sure that he's even mine?
He's obviously bi-racial.
And you're the only white guy
I've ever slept with.
Okay. Well...
Let me ask you this.
Have you ever slept with a
really light-skinned black dude?
Because for all I know,
that guy's the dad.
You're not the dad.
I mean, you might be a dad.
I don't know you. Sorry.
- Robbie.
- I'm sorry, ma'am.
It's actually Kreamy King policy
that you can't be on the premises
unless you order something.
- I'll have a ThunderSnow.
- Great.
I'm not asking you
to be a part of his life.
Good. Because I'm not
a part of his life.
It's been 10 years.
I've missed everything.
I missed his first steps,
his first words.
His first R-rated movie.
Did you already show him Die Har?
- Robbie...
- Look at me right now.
- Did you already show him Die Har?
- Yes.
But he's been asking to meet you.
And he's a good kid.
But he's been screwing around
at school lately,
and I have to go meet
his principal today.
Uh-oh. Sounds like
someone's not a good mom.
So, while I go do that, I decided, fine.
He can meet his dad. So he can
see what his life would be like
if he didn't get his shit together.
Well, that is interesting.
Because after many years
of very hard work,
I'm about to land my dream job, so...
kind of picked a bad day
to show him I'm not awesome.
Great. Then you can bring him with you.
I'd love to.
My final ThunderSnow.
I don't want that.
Well, what am I supposed to do with it?
I wanna make it very clear
that I do not take responsibility
for you as my son.
You are your own man.
You understand that?
- I think so.
- Good.
Today is about me, and is about my life.
So what we're gonna do
is we're gonna go get my suit,
and we're gonna go
down to the high school
where I am gonna be anointed
the new head coach
of the Carter Cougars.
- Now, how's that ice cream?
- Never had one of these before.
You never had a ThunderSnow?
Does your mom hate you?
I'm lactose intolerant.
I genuinely hate it
when people say that.
- Ho! Janie!
- Oh, hi!
I didn't know you were coming back.
I told you you can't be in
my house when I'm not here.
- That's my number-one rule.
- I like being a little homemaker.
Sometimes I like to pretend like
there's a baby in the next room.
- Well, there's no need do that.
- Mm-hmm. There will be someday.
- No, there will not. There will never be.
- Oh.
Robbie, there's a boy in your apartment.
Oh, yeah. This, uh, this is, uh, Caleb.
- He's a homeless youth...
- Oh.
that I'm mentoring right now.
Um, so I'm gonna step into the
other room, put my suit on.
Do not talk to him.
Don't even look at him.
- And I'd like you to put those eggs back.
- Okay, love you.
Hi.
What's wrong with you?
Do you have one of those
diseases where you can't talk?
- Janie!
- What?
I said don't talk to him!
I'm just asking if he's got a disease
that makes him not say nothin'.
Do you mean deafness?
Yeah.
Okay. If he had that,
how would he even reply to you?
I don't feel so good.
See? He can talk just fine.
Your suit is all wrinkled.
You should go put on another one.
I can't. This is the
only suit that I own.
I told you to be a man!
I don't care if
you're lactose intolerant.
If a man has to vomit, he swallows it.
And if he chokes on it, well,
then that's just how he dies.
Sorry.
Never apologize.
Sorry I barked at you.
Shit!
What the hell?
Hey, Robbie.
You're coming into my house all nude,
you got some kid in your truck.
- What's goin' on?
- Well.
Not nude anymore, am I?
What are you doing?
I gotta borrow your suit
for my interview.
- I got throw-up all over mine.
- No, no, no, no, no.
Not that suit.
- Why not? It's your lucky suit.
- It's not lucky.
Um, you wore it both times
you won the state championship.
I'd say that's pretty lucky, Dad.
There's no such thing as luck.
Hard work won me those titles.
Okay, great. Then let me wear it.
What are you doin'?
What are you doin'?
- I will fight you.
- You're gonna have to.
- You want me to fight you.
- Bring it on.
All right. Start off with
a little push like that, then.
- Don't push me.
- Don't push me, then.
- Hey, hey. Don't push me.
- I'll push you.
- No, you swatted at me.
- Get your hands off me.
You're pushing and
swatting at the same time.
Now you're patting...
- Let go of my arm.
- Let go of my arm!
- Ow!
- Don't you hit my TV!
- Then don't push me into the TV!
- Don't hit my TV!
You're pushing me into the TV.
Dad, look at yourself.
Just look at yourself right now.
- Look at what... Ow. You're cheating.
- Aah!
- Yeah?
- You are cheating.
Wuss.
Oh. Don't you do it.
I'm gonna get that job, Dad.
Wish me luck.
Grown men don't wish!
Precision.
Dedication.
Perseverance.
Knowledge.
These are but a few of the many words
that describe what I bring
to coaching the game of basketball.
But I don't just know basketball.
I am basketball.
Oh. That, okay, that's not suppose...
That's, no, okay.
Sorry about that.
That's, uh, my coworker's
husband's funeral.
That's very impressive, Robbie.
You're the first person I've interviewed
who brought along a visual aid.
And a young child.
It's... Oh, yeah. Him.
Um, that is...
Uh, that's my Make-a-Wish kid.
His dying wish was actually
to get to hang out
with a really great basketball coach.
So...
Okay. Well,
I'll just ask you the same
question I ask everybody.
Uh, why do you want the job?
Uh, mostly for the chicks.
No, I'm cuttin' you up, Bailey.
It's not, not for the chicks.
That's not why. Um...
You know, I, I really think
it's because of my dad.
Um,
the happiest moment of my entire life
was the night that he won
that first state championship.
And, uh, everybody
was screamin' and yellin'.
And he looked at me,
and he said, "Remember this.
Remember how good it feels to win."
Then took me out
for my first Kreamy King.
Wow, Robbie, that's,
that's genuinely touching.
Uh, and I'm...
Hey, thanks for coming in.
Just say that I have the job.
Just say you'll hire me.
Hire me, Bailey. Right now.
Just say that you'll hire me.
Say that I have the job.
Bailey, look at that kid right there.
That kid is a Make-a-Wish kid.
You are literally killing him
if you don't hire me right now.
Just say it.
Just say that I have the job.
I can't.
We already hired somebody.
Wh... What?
Why would you even do that?
Why wouldn't you consult my dad first?
But, no, Robbie, your dad already knows.
Uh, it was his decision.
Bullshit.
This is the only thing I ever wanted.
Dads say they care about you,
but they only care
about themselves, Caleb.
Caleb?
Caleb, do you play basketball?
My friends call me Doctor Downtown.
I don't think anybody on my team
even shoots from this far away.
I don't know if they
even could if they tried.
Caleb, do you have
any idea what this means?
I mean, there isn't one person in
this town that believes in me.
I mean, hell, my own dad
doesn't even believe in me.
And if they don't want me
to be the king of this court,
well, guess what? I don't need it.
'Cause you know what, Caleb?
You are my son,
and I am your dad,
and I do believe in you.
So let me ask you something, Caleb.
How would you like to play
church league basketball?
I can't. Mom would never let me play.
Okay. Okay.
Is it 'cause of the lactose thing?
Is it 'cause your bones will
break or somethin' like that?
I got bad grades.
I thought you were gonna
talk about something real.
Bad grades.
I got bad grades my whole life.
Look at me now.
You're a manager of a Kreamy King.
Yeah, well, not anymore, 'cause I quit.
Which in retrospect
was maybe a little bit...
hasty of a decision to make,
but I'll tell you what.
I'm free now.
Free to fly. Okay.
All right, let's get outta here.
You know, I'm actually more
of a paint player. Post up.
The Bible says that every son
shall smite his own father,
so really, we're just doin'
what God told us to do.
Splash that gas
all over that suit, please.
I was never good enough for your mom.
What?
Nothing. Think you got enough on there.
Why don't you step back now,
'cause it's about to get very hot.
Robbie.
What in the hell are you doing out here?
Looks like a damn Klan rally.
Well, that's not at all what we're do...
I mean, that kid's biracial,
so he wouldn't participate in that.
And neither would I,
'cause I'm not in the Klan.
Hate the Klan, actually.
Kid, run around back. Grab the hose.
Is that my suit?
You care more about that suit
than you've ever cared about me.
Oh, come on. You know that's not true.
Yeah, well, then
why would you do it, Dad?
Why would you send me to an interview
instead of telling me that
you already picked somebody?
'Cause you don't take "no"
for an answer.
I never thought you'd hit that strike.
That's what I'm talking about right now.
No matter what I do,
you don't believe in me.
Robbie, there's nothing I could do.
The woman we hired has coached
middle school basketball
- for five years.
- Go back. Did you say a woman?
- You hired a woman?
- Yes, Robbie.
'Cause she's a good coach.
She's done the work.
And you know something else?
She doesn't run around
in her underwear all day
- setting fires with some weird kid.
- Oh, yeah?
You want to know somethin', Dad?
That weird kid...
That weird kid... is your grandson.
Bullshit.
All right, here she comes.
Now remember, don't mention basketball.
Or ice cream. Or barf. Or arson.
Caleb!
Grades are important, dude.
Ava, hey.
I was just laying into Caleb, here,
for being such a lazy student.
Caleb, you doing all right?
I'm fine. When can I see Dad again?
Ha ha ha ho!
That's something me and
your mom gotta chat about.
Now that we're co-parenting.
Caleb, go to the car.
Aw.
Bye, Dad.
Why does he smell like gasoline?
We really did have a lot of fun today.
And, uh, I'd like to do it again.
I was thinking maybe three times a week.
Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.
Is that when your church
basketball team practices?
My what? I don't have a church...
Robbie, don't try to trick me.
I want Caleb to get to know his dad,
but what did you think was gonna happen?
He's gonna play on your team
for an entire season,
and I somehow wouldn't notice
that he was sweaty and tired
every time I picked him up?
Just please let him play. Okay?
I need him. And you know,
maybe he needs me, too.
Okay.
Fine.
But if you ever hurt him,
I will kill you with my bare hands.
Okay. Well, just know that
I am gonna fight back.
I'm not just gonna let you kill me.
Bye, Robbie.
Hey, Beatrice.
What?
Turns out I'm gonna need
my old job back.
Too late.
I've already called corporate.
And they gave you the bump.
Fine. I can only work
a few shifts a week, anyways.
I got a team to coach.
Bullshit.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
it all comes down to this.
Five, four, three, two...
For the win!
You're gonna have to work a lot harder,
you wanna make that shot.
Why don't you run
those drills I taught you?
Now go on in, wash up.
I'm heading to the game. Your mom's
gonna bring you around later on.
I-I wanna come with you.
- Sit on the bench.
- No way.
You don't get to sit there
just 'cause you're my son.
But I'll tell you what.
You take a shot right now
from right where you're
standing, it goes in,
you can come sit on my team's bench.
- Really?
- Come on.
- Okay, okay.
- Show me what you've got. Let's go.
Win this.
Ah. Like I said, you got work to do.
Come on. You're really not
gonna let me come?
'Course not.
You want to succeed?
You gotta work harder, be
better than everybody else.
Otherwise you're gonna
end up some Joe Nobody.
Dead-end job, no life, and...
nothing to show for it.
No.
Not me.
I'm gonna be great. Just like you.
One Kreamy King ThunderSnow,
with peanut butter crumbles.
Oh.
Can you just give it to me?
I'm trying to get to Atlanta
before rush hour traffic.
Kreamy King policy. I gotta do that.
But... I'll tell you what.
I put a little something
extra in there for ya.
Oh, I didn't, uh, need any...
Well, I know. But sometimes
you ask for one thing,
and then you get a little somethin'
extra you didn't expect.
Kind of like how
I'm the manager here, but, uh...
Surprise.
I'm also a basketball coach.
Yep. Got a game tonight, in fact,
- if you wanna come on down.
- Robbie...
I brought you my old camcorder
like you asked me to.
Beatrice, seriously, I'm trying
to get laid right now. You're...
- Ew.
- What, am I misreading that?
Are you looking for like, a long-term
relationship? You're in Atlanta!
- It's 30 miles out.
- It's a swing and a miss.
Beatrice, did you tape
your husband's funeral?
Yeah.
That's disgusting. You're gross.
You're lucky the government
makes me let you work here.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
And have fun!
- Woo-hoo!
- There we go. There we go.
There we go. There we go.
I got someone waitin'
to come in for you.
Think about that.
Red, we're going this way!
That's a travel!
Father Tom, that's a travel!
Time out.
♪ So rise and shine ♪
♪ And give God the glory, glory... ♪
What are we doin' out there?
What is truly happening
on the court right now?
I genuinely cannot tell if you're
playing the sport of basketball.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Don't watch the
dumb puppet show. Look at this.
Davis, I want you
to get to the post, okay?
Sean, slip underneath.
Don't be afraid to shuffle
your feet a little bit, okay?
Father Tom, he ain't
called shit all night.
Here we go. Hands in. Hands in.
"Basketball" on three. Here we go.
- One, two, three.
- Basketball.
Okay.
Jesus Christ.
Hot damn!
That's a turkey, Coach.
I bet $100 you roll again,
you won't even get two.
I'll get in on that action right now.
Well, I never thought I'd see the day
my son bought a round of drinks.
Yeah, well, happy retirement.
And also, you have
a tab open at the bar.
We need to talk.
I cannot coach church league
basketball anymore, okay?
It is so far beneath me.
I wanna be the next coach
of the Carter High School cougars.
Robbie, I just spent 40
years coaching that team.
They're talking to real coaches.
Well, now, what the hell does that mean?
I am a real coach, Dad.
- Hey, Robbie.
- Oh, shit.
I didn't know you was here.
Yeah, no, I was trying to sort
of keep it on the down low.
Have a private convo with my dad.
Aw, that's so nice. Hey, do you
want the rest of this beer?
- They're done with it.
- No.
No, that's disgusting.
I think that we'll pass
on the used beer.
Okay. More for me.
Hey, I get off work later at
2:00, if you wanna come by.
We can sit in the parking lot.
It'll be real empty.
No, I... 2 a.m.? Empty parking lot?
Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun.
You know me so well, Janie.
I know you pretty well.
I know what your dick tastes like.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
- That's my dad right there.
- Hi, Coach.
We'll take a fresh pitcher of beer.
Unused, please.
You got it. See ya later.
That is so strange.
I don't even really know her.
Are we done here? I got frames waiting.
No, no, no, no. We're not done.
Look, I just need you to call Bailey
and set up the interview. That's it.
Robbie, I can't just get you things.
I'm your son! You're my dad.
- Robbie, Robbie.
- Just say yes.
Say right now you'll do it.
Just say that you'll do it.
"Son, I'll do it. Son, I wanna
help you." Just say it.
I swear on Mom's grave
that I will not stop asking
- until you say you'll do it.
- Robbie, Robbie, all right. Enough.
I tell you what.
You roll a strike right now,
I'll get you an interview.
- Is that real? You being real right now?
- Mm-hmm.
- All right. Challenge accepted.
- Okay.
What the hell is he doing?
Shut up, Scrap. I bowl
granny-style, all right?
The holes hurt my fingers.
Get on with it, Robbie.
♪ This song tells you a sorry tale ♪
♪ Some men have riches
and some men fame ♪
♪ I'm leaving on this southbound train ♪
♪ Let it burn, let it burn ♪
Win this.
Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes!
- Yes.
- Yes!
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Yes!
Yeah. Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Tomorrow's a big day, Janie.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm finally clawing my way
outta my dad's shadow.
Uh, doing the exact same thing he did?
Yes, Janie.
I'm trying to be vulnerable
with you right now
and you're ruining it.
- Sorry!
- Okay.
Well, Beatrice,
I'd say that I'm gonna miss you,
but honestly, I'm not sure you and I
ever really hit it off.
Since you're quittin',
do I get to be manager?
It's not really my call,
but I'll tell you what.
If you take this box out to my car,
I'll put in a good word with corporate.
Hey, Robbie.
Hey... va.
You here for ice cream?
Did you ice cream yet?
I need to talk to you.
All right, well, this is,
uh, my place of business,
so I do not want to talk to someone
who has ripped my heart out of my body.
That was ten years ago.
I'll tell you what,
it feels like ten minutes ago.
Given the fact that Facebook
keeps updating me on all the...
cool stuff you got going on
down in Atlanta.
Tried to delete my account several times.
They don't make it easy.
And I'm very addicted
to social media right now.
I know I sure am.
My name is Beatrice and I'm
addicted to Candy Crush.
How are you even a real person?
My God. Go take that out to the car.
You see that kid over there?
Mm-hmm.
I recognize him from some of your...
posts on Facebook.
He's your son.
Bullshit.
Robbie, talk to me.
You're just smearing
ice cream all over the table.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is that a weird thing to do
when someone just got told
they have a kid?
'Cause I wouldn't know.
It's never happened to me before.
I know. I should have told you.
I just really didn't
want you to be the dad.
Ooh. Well, good.
'Cause I also don't want to be the dad.
I mean, are we sure that he's even mine?
He's obviously bi-racial.
And you're the only white guy
I've ever slept with.
Okay. Well...
Let me ask you this.
Have you ever slept with a
really light-skinned black dude?
Because for all I know,
that guy's the dad.
You're not the dad.
I mean, you might be a dad.
I don't know you. Sorry.
- Robbie.
- I'm sorry, ma'am.
It's actually Kreamy King policy
that you can't be on the premises
unless you order something.
- I'll have a ThunderSnow.
- Great.
I'm not asking you
to be a part of his life.
Good. Because I'm not
a part of his life.
It's been 10 years.
I've missed everything.
I missed his first steps,
his first words.
His first R-rated movie.
Did you already show him Die Har?
- Robbie...
- Look at me right now.
- Did you already show him Die Har?
- Yes.
But he's been asking to meet you.
And he's a good kid.
But he's been screwing around
at school lately,
and I have to go meet
his principal today.
Uh-oh. Sounds like
someone's not a good mom.
So, while I go do that, I decided, fine.
He can meet his dad. So he can
see what his life would be like
if he didn't get his shit together.
Well, that is interesting.
Because after many years
of very hard work,
I'm about to land my dream job, so...
kind of picked a bad day
to show him I'm not awesome.
Great. Then you can bring him with you.
I'd love to.
My final ThunderSnow.
I don't want that.
Well, what am I supposed to do with it?
I wanna make it very clear
that I do not take responsibility
for you as my son.
You are your own man.
You understand that?
- I think so.
- Good.
Today is about me, and is about my life.
So what we're gonna do
is we're gonna go get my suit,
and we're gonna go
down to the high school
where I am gonna be anointed
the new head coach
of the Carter Cougars.
- Now, how's that ice cream?
- Never had one of these before.
You never had a ThunderSnow?
Does your mom hate you?
I'm lactose intolerant.
I genuinely hate it
when people say that.
- Ho! Janie!
- Oh, hi!
I didn't know you were coming back.
I told you you can't be in
my house when I'm not here.
- That's my number-one rule.
- I like being a little homemaker.
Sometimes I like to pretend like
there's a baby in the next room.
- Well, there's no need do that.
- Mm-hmm. There will be someday.
- No, there will not. There will never be.
- Oh.
Robbie, there's a boy in your apartment.
Oh, yeah. This, uh, this is, uh, Caleb.
- He's a homeless youth...
- Oh.
that I'm mentoring right now.
Um, so I'm gonna step into the
other room, put my suit on.
Do not talk to him.
Don't even look at him.
- And I'd like you to put those eggs back.
- Okay, love you.
Hi.
What's wrong with you?
Do you have one of those
diseases where you can't talk?
- Janie!
- What?
I said don't talk to him!
I'm just asking if he's got a disease
that makes him not say nothin'.
Do you mean deafness?
Yeah.
Okay. If he had that,
how would he even reply to you?
I don't feel so good.
See? He can talk just fine.
Your suit is all wrinkled.
You should go put on another one.
I can't. This is the
only suit that I own.
I told you to be a man!
I don't care if
you're lactose intolerant.
If a man has to vomit, he swallows it.
And if he chokes on it, well,
then that's just how he dies.
Sorry.
Never apologize.
Sorry I barked at you.
Shit!
What the hell?
Hey, Robbie.
You're coming into my house all nude,
you got some kid in your truck.
- What's goin' on?
- Well.
Not nude anymore, am I?
What are you doing?
I gotta borrow your suit
for my interview.
- I got throw-up all over mine.
- No, no, no, no, no.
Not that suit.
- Why not? It's your lucky suit.
- It's not lucky.
Um, you wore it both times
you won the state championship.
I'd say that's pretty lucky, Dad.
There's no such thing as luck.
Hard work won me those titles.
Okay, great. Then let me wear it.
What are you doin'?
What are you doin'?
- I will fight you.
- You're gonna have to.
- You want me to fight you.
- Bring it on.
All right. Start off with
a little push like that, then.
- Don't push me.
- Don't push me, then.
- Hey, hey. Don't push me.
- I'll push you.
- No, you swatted at me.
- Get your hands off me.
You're pushing and
swatting at the same time.
Now you're patting...
- Let go of my arm.
- Let go of my arm!
- Ow!
- Don't you hit my TV!
- Then don't push me into the TV!
- Don't hit my TV!
You're pushing me into the TV.
Dad, look at yourself.
Just look at yourself right now.
- Look at what... Ow. You're cheating.
- Aah!
- Yeah?
- You are cheating.
Wuss.
Oh. Don't you do it.
I'm gonna get that job, Dad.
Wish me luck.
Grown men don't wish!
Precision.
Dedication.
Perseverance.
Knowledge.
These are but a few of the many words
that describe what I bring
to coaching the game of basketball.
But I don't just know basketball.
I am basketball.
Oh. That, okay, that's not suppose...
That's, no, okay.
Sorry about that.
That's, uh, my coworker's
husband's funeral.
That's very impressive, Robbie.
You're the first person I've interviewed
who brought along a visual aid.
And a young child.
It's... Oh, yeah. Him.
Um, that is...
Uh, that's my Make-a-Wish kid.
His dying wish was actually
to get to hang out
with a really great basketball coach.
So...
Okay. Well,
I'll just ask you the same
question I ask everybody.
Uh, why do you want the job?
Uh, mostly for the chicks.
No, I'm cuttin' you up, Bailey.
It's not, not for the chicks.
That's not why. Um...
You know, I, I really think
it's because of my dad.
Um,
the happiest moment of my entire life
was the night that he won
that first state championship.
And, uh, everybody
was screamin' and yellin'.
And he looked at me,
and he said, "Remember this.
Remember how good it feels to win."
Then took me out
for my first Kreamy King.
Wow, Robbie, that's,
that's genuinely touching.
Uh, and I'm...
Hey, thanks for coming in.
Just say that I have the job.
Just say you'll hire me.
Hire me, Bailey. Right now.
Just say that you'll hire me.
Say that I have the job.
Bailey, look at that kid right there.
That kid is a Make-a-Wish kid.
You are literally killing him
if you don't hire me right now.
Just say it.
Just say that I have the job.
I can't.
We already hired somebody.
Wh... What?
Why would you even do that?
Why wouldn't you consult my dad first?
But, no, Robbie, your dad already knows.
Uh, it was his decision.
Bullshit.
This is the only thing I ever wanted.
Dads say they care about you,
but they only care
about themselves, Caleb.
Caleb?
Caleb, do you play basketball?
My friends call me Doctor Downtown.
I don't think anybody on my team
even shoots from this far away.
I don't know if they
even could if they tried.
Caleb, do you have
any idea what this means?
I mean, there isn't one person in
this town that believes in me.
I mean, hell, my own dad
doesn't even believe in me.
And if they don't want me
to be the king of this court,
well, guess what? I don't need it.
'Cause you know what, Caleb?
You are my son,
and I am your dad,
and I do believe in you.
So let me ask you something, Caleb.
How would you like to play
church league basketball?
I can't. Mom would never let me play.
Okay. Okay.
Is it 'cause of the lactose thing?
Is it 'cause your bones will
break or somethin' like that?
I got bad grades.
I thought you were gonna
talk about something real.
Bad grades.
I got bad grades my whole life.
Look at me now.
You're a manager of a Kreamy King.
Yeah, well, not anymore, 'cause I quit.
Which in retrospect
was maybe a little bit...
hasty of a decision to make,
but I'll tell you what.
I'm free now.
Free to fly. Okay.
All right, let's get outta here.
You know, I'm actually more
of a paint player. Post up.
The Bible says that every son
shall smite his own father,
so really, we're just doin'
what God told us to do.
Splash that gas
all over that suit, please.
I was never good enough for your mom.
What?
Nothing. Think you got enough on there.
Why don't you step back now,
'cause it's about to get very hot.
Robbie.
What in the hell are you doing out here?
Looks like a damn Klan rally.
Well, that's not at all what we're do...
I mean, that kid's biracial,
so he wouldn't participate in that.
And neither would I,
'cause I'm not in the Klan.
Hate the Klan, actually.
Kid, run around back. Grab the hose.
Is that my suit?
You care more about that suit
than you've ever cared about me.
Oh, come on. You know that's not true.
Yeah, well, then
why would you do it, Dad?
Why would you send me to an interview
instead of telling me that
you already picked somebody?
'Cause you don't take "no"
for an answer.
I never thought you'd hit that strike.
That's what I'm talking about right now.
No matter what I do,
you don't believe in me.
Robbie, there's nothing I could do.
The woman we hired has coached
middle school basketball
- for five years.
- Go back. Did you say a woman?
- You hired a woman?
- Yes, Robbie.
'Cause she's a good coach.
She's done the work.
And you know something else?
She doesn't run around
in her underwear all day
- setting fires with some weird kid.
- Oh, yeah?
You want to know somethin', Dad?
That weird kid...
That weird kid... is your grandson.
Bullshit.
All right, here she comes.
Now remember, don't mention basketball.
Or ice cream. Or barf. Or arson.
Caleb!
Grades are important, dude.
Ava, hey.
I was just laying into Caleb, here,
for being such a lazy student.
Caleb, you doing all right?
I'm fine. When can I see Dad again?
Ha ha ha ho!
That's something me and
your mom gotta chat about.
Now that we're co-parenting.
Caleb, go to the car.
Aw.
Bye, Dad.
Why does he smell like gasoline?
We really did have a lot of fun today.
And, uh, I'd like to do it again.
I was thinking maybe three times a week.
Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.
Is that when your church
basketball team practices?
My what? I don't have a church...
Robbie, don't try to trick me.
I want Caleb to get to know his dad,
but what did you think was gonna happen?
He's gonna play on your team
for an entire season,
and I somehow wouldn't notice
that he was sweaty and tired
every time I picked him up?
Just please let him play. Okay?
I need him. And you know,
maybe he needs me, too.
Okay.
Fine.
But if you ever hurt him,
I will kill you with my bare hands.
Okay. Well, just know that
I am gonna fight back.
I'm not just gonna let you kill me.
Bye, Robbie.
Hey, Beatrice.
What?
Turns out I'm gonna need
my old job back.
Too late.
I've already called corporate.
And they gave you the bump.
Fine. I can only work
a few shifts a week, anyways.
I got a team to coach.
Bullshit.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com