Riverdale (2016–…): Season 7, Episode 17 - Chapter One Hundred Thirty-Four: A Different Kind of Cat - full transcript

To all the subscribers
of The Teenage Mystique,

something happened to me.

And I've read your stories
and watched so many people
be wronged,

so I can't hold back
any longer.

All I wanted to do
was understand

my authentic self, my desires,
my place in the world.

Because of that, I was forced
to be a cheerleader,

I was put into therapy,

my private diaries were read,
I was demeaned.

I am not your mother anymore.

And then I was...



slapped.

Well, I'm finally going
to tell the truth.

This is my manifesto, my book,

The Collected and Expanded
Teenage Mystique.

Every thought
I've ever had, uncensored.

Only the truth
will be allowed in these pages.

The truth about
being a teenager.

Our stories.

And if it burns
this small-minded town
to the ground,

well, so be it.

So, how do you wanna do this?

Wanna go in first
and I mosey on in
30 seconds later?

Absolutely not.

Veronica Lodge's signature
color may be purple,



but she is no shrinking violet.

So, come on.

Let's give these cubes
something juicy to goss about.

Wowza.

I've never had so many
peepers on me at one time.

Well, if it's any consolation,

I haven't gotten
this much attention

since I arrived to school
wearing my sexy witch costume.

Sexy witch costume?

Jughead Jones.

Do you have a thing
for sexy teen witches?

Well, yes.

Yes, I do.

But I also know a boss idea
when I hear one,

and sexy teen witch
is a very boss idea.

Hmm. Well, glad to have
inspired something.

Catch you later, alligator.

So, what do you think,
Mrs. Grundy?

Archie...

This latest poem is...

Excellent.

It's so much more mature
than your earlier work.

-It's like
you grew up overnight.
-I...

-What happened?
-I...

I... I watched the sunrise
like you suggested.

Among other things.

Well, keep doing
whatever it is you're doing.

Well, I am definitely
going back.

I will definitely do that.

Just keep at it, like you said.

Good morning, class.

Come on.
You're yanking my chain, Mantle.

Shh!

Cool it. Not so loud.

You and Andrews?

At the same time?

Andrews.

Is it true?

You and Reg took a ride
on the town bicycle,
Twyla Twist,

and you're going back
for seconds?

And another thing,
dear readers,

I am sick
of the double standard

that celebrates boys
for their sexual conquests

and punishes girls
for wanting the same.

Cheryl, I'm sorry.

What are these?

Hey, those pictures
are amazing.

Are they from a private
collection of yours?

I could try and spin
some story, Betty,

but I'm tired of lying.

The truth is, I am going steady
with Toni Topaz.

Oh. Oh.

Yeah, well, that makes sense.

And just try to use it
against me,
I double-dog dare you.

Oh, Cheryl. Don't worry. I...

I'm the Girl Next Door.

I write The Teenage Mystique.

What? I love
The Teenage Mystique.

The Girl Next Door's
advice is tops.

Oh.

It's an honor to meet you.

Likewise.

What are you doing
with those amazing pictures?

Honestly, I was going
to submit them to
Femme-and-In magazine

to come out in the most
unabashed way,

and blow the lid off
of my parent's world
once and for all.

That's exactly what
I'm trying to do

-with the book version
of The Teenage Mystique.
-Now that's radioactive, Betty.

It is. And, actually,
a story like yours and Toni's,

written by you in your words
would be swell to include.

Maybe accompanied
by some of those pictures?

I have to talk to Toni,

but, yes, Betty.

The pages
of The Teenage Mystique

might just be the perfect forum

for our coming out
to the world.

Oh, excellent.

And Cheryl,

do you think you and Toni
would be willing

to take pictures
like yours of...

Of me,

possibly, for my book cover?

Absolutely.

We can do a photo session.
Then you can pick your favorite

and I can turn it
into a luxurious,
supple oil painting

for your book's cover.

I have to tell you,

this is the bee's knees,
Jughead.

I didn't realize
you could draw too.

Well,
I'm no Ethel Muggs,

but I think this brain egg
could be the thing
to save Pep Comics.

Mr. Fieldstone is looking
for a fresh breakout character

to get past the code
and bring in new readership,

and I think it's
Veronica the Teenage Witch.

Veronica, you're not
gonna believe who's here.

Miss Josie McCoy.

The famous chanteuse?

The founder of the Black
American Theater Project?

The newly minted Tony winner?

In the flesh
and fur.

To what do we owe this honor?

I've heard about your theater,
Miss Lodge.

- I've heard you're not afraid
to shake things up.

Well, I've built
an entire career
out of shaking things up.

You may have heard
I've been working
on a major motion picture.

Hush-hush, you understand?

I have heard rumors
that your Broadway smash,
Going Uptown,

is being turned
into a movie musical. Yes.

The rumors are true.

A movie musical
I wrote, directed,
produced, and starred in.

You've always
been the definition
of a Renaissance woman.

Well, then, you know
Josie McCoy is a perfectionist.

This is my first
motion picture,
you understand?

And I'm still in the middle
of my process, still tinkering.

Close friends have seen
early cuts,

but I need to know
how it plays out
in front of a real audience,

far away from the prying
eyes of my partners
at Pasadena Pictures.

I don't need
a bunch of starched suits
mucking things up

and second-guessing
my every creative choice.

Not until I have proof,
positive, say,

filled-out questionnaires
from a test screening,

possibly at your theater,
Miss Lodge.

If it's up to my standards.

Can I just say

your movie is a surefire hit.

And you, Miss McCoy,

have made the leap
to bona fide movie star.
Cheers.

But,

why bother
with the test screenings?

Let's just have ourselves
a good old-fashioned
red carpet movie premiere

and blow the roof
off this joint.

As I said, I'm still tinkering.

But why tinker with perfection?

You know how skittish
studio executives can be.

Unfortunately, all too well.

I have dealt
with my fair share.

They're fear-driven creatures.

Exactly.

All right, then.

Let's give them
the proof they need.

I know the drill.

We'll hand out
surveys at the end
of our test screening.

Uh-uh, one moment.

Miss Lodge, your theater
might be up to snuff,

if slightly smaller
than I'd hoped.

But I need to make certain
that the seats at my screening

- won't be filled
with rubes and blue hairs.

I need to get
a lay of the land,

see if Riverdale's
as hep a town as
I've been led to believe.

Oh, we're hep.

But don't take my word for it.

Kevin, Clay and I
can show you around.

Why don't we meet up
tomorrow morning
at 8:00 for a tour?

Eight in the morning?

Oh, no, no, no.

- I, my dear,
am a creature of the night.

I roll out of bed leisurely
and start drinking espresso
at 3:00 in the afternoon.

You will see me at dusk
and not a moment sooner.

Well, there are
a few hotels in town,

but why don't you stay
with me at the Pembrooke?

It's sort of like The Plaza.
By way of the Dakota.

Can I take you there
and get you settled?

I like you, Miss Lodge.

I think we're going
to get on just fine.

Hi, Miss Twist.

I, uh, was hoping that maybe
we could see each other again.

Oh, yeah, I remember you now.

Well, you got it wrong, Red.

You see, Twyla is happy
to help a fella out of a rut.

She doesn't do long-term.

Especially not with puppy dogs.

Oh, but I...

really need the experience.

If, that's the case,

Lord knows, there's got to be
some hot older mama

who would love to take a bite
out of a Red Delicious
like yourself.

You dig?

Okay. Are you ready?

Yes.

One, two, three.

So pretty.
Okay, let's take two more.

Hey, Veronica,
can I talk to you for a second?

Word from the bird
is that Josie McCoy's in town,

and you might be bringing her
to the Dark Room's
open mic tonight.

My, gossip travels fast
in this town, doesn't it?

If that's the case,
my boy, Fangs, here
is going to perform.

If he and Midge are going
to make a go of it,
he needs a big break,

one that Josie
might be able to provide.

Do you think Miss McCoy
would be willing to pick up
what I'm putting down?

Now I can't speak
for Miss McCoy, of course.

But if there's one thing
a star like her recognizes,

it's talent.

Good morning,
Mrs. Grundy.

I brought you something.

That is so sweet. Thank you.

And Red Delicious
is my favorite.

I, actually...
I wanted to let you know

I'm performing
a new poem I wrote
at the Dark Room tonight.

Yeah, I'd really be
jazzed if you could
make it and hear it.

Well, I'm touched
that you would think of me.

And yes,
of course I will be there.

Anything for
my favorite student.

She's bewitching.
She casts spells.

Nothing harmful or offensive,
of course.

But mostly,
she's a high school student.

She goes to class,
does her homework,

gets into romantic trouble.

You know, good old-fashioned,
wholesome, vampy, campy fun.

-What do you think?
-Well,

I think if she's going to stand
a snowball's chance in hell

of getting past the Tribunal,

we're gonna have to
sand the edges a little bit.

They hear the word "witch",

they're gonna be going
for their pitchforks, you know.

-Teenage witch.
-No, no.

I'm not saying
we ditch the concept.

I'm just saying,

I don't know,
make her a half-witch.

And you'll have to get her
out of this getup.

Too much cleavage.

-And make her a blonde.
-Blonde?

And you'll have to come up
with a new name, of course.

New name?

Yeah, Veronica?

Reminds me of Veronica Lake.

Too sexy, too dangerous,
too, um, curvy.

Trust me, if you...

It's gonna pass muster
with those prudes
over at the Tribunal,

Nope, it has to be, uh...

Has to be something sweeter.

Yeah, I don't know. Magical.

Now, you pick the one
you like the most,
and I will paint it.

That way, we'll get
the exact look you want
for your book's cover.

What's the hiccup?

Are you displeased?

No, I'm so glad
that I'm coming out

as the voice
behind The Teenage Mystique.

I just can't help feeling
a little bit like a fraud.

Dressing in lingerie,
writing about sex

when I haven't experienced
anything even remotely
sexually satisfying myself.

What do you mean?

I mean...

Everyone I know is having
or has had sex.

And I'm the only
teenager in the world

who can't seem to find someone
to go there with me.

Betty, you do know
a woman doesn't

need anyone to be
sexually satisfied?

She can...

do it on her own.

I did read about self-pleasure
in Kingsley's book,

but it wasn't exactly
a how-to manual.

I see.

However...

This particularly
illuminating issue
of Femme-and-In magazine

might be exactly
what the doctor ordered.

And I certainly
don't mean Werthers.

Turns out, all a woman
needs to be sexually satisfied

is a bathtub, a bathroom
with a lock on it,

and...

Shall we say,

a helping hand?

Veronica
The Teenage Witch
is too sexy, you say?

I mean, he's not wrong.

I am cut from the same cloth
as Veronica Lake

and therefore,
too provocative for
those feeble-minded censors.

It's their loss.

On top of which,
I have to figure out
a new name,

something more magical.

Hey, did you happen to see
that Audrey Hepburn picture
that came out last year?

Her character had
a superb name in that.

What was that movie
called again?

Sabrina.

Audrey played
the title character.

Sabrina.

Yeah.

Yeah, that could be the ticket.

"In the bloom of Eden's garden,
the first transgression.

A simple apple,
Eve learned her lesson.

Different garden,
same temptation.

A young man
seeking an education.

A teacher's pupil
brings her apples,

and sinful thoughts
with which he grapples.

While she teaches,
he sits through classes

wondering how she looks

without those glasses."

Jeepers, Archie,
that was kind of off the cob.

Better luck next time, champ.

Honestly, if that's what passes
for art in Riverdale,

I don't think
this is going to work.

Just you wait, Josie.

There's another act
coming up that will have you
positively purring.

Well, it's official.

After that poem,
this is the iciest room
on the Eastern Seaboard.

No worries, though.

Give it up for my boy,
Fangs Fogarty.

Whoo!

The only person
you need to know
how to please...

is yourself.

What did I tell you?

- Hep, no?
- Hmm.

Rock 'n' roll isn't my genre,
of course, but...

He has something.

Touch of star quality.
And that's more than most.

Let me ask you.

How is he on the bongos?
Do you know?

To my knowledge,

there is no better bongo player
in Riverdale. Why?

Well...

It's almost done, Miss McCoy.
and we're all still here.

So what do you say?

Is Riverdale hep enough for
a test screening of
Going Uptown?

Let's do it.

Miss McCoy, at the risk
of overstepping,

would you also possibly
consider attending a meeting of
Black Athena at Riverdale High?

It would mean so much to our
members to meet
a Black icon like you.

Well, I like the sound of that.

But what exactly
is Black Athena?

It's a literary society
I started for the Black
students at Riverdale High.

Hmm. Well, now that's
something Josie McCoy
can certainly get behind.

Archie.

Mrs. Grundy,

We didn't get a chance to talk
last night after my poem.

No, I had to rush home.

My husband was expecting me
for a late dinner.

Oh.

Okay. Well, what do you think?

I think we need
to switch gears.

Love poems are all well
and good, but I would
like you to branch out.

Okay... Sure.

Okay.

Anything you want, Mrs. Grundy.

I want you to write about pain.

Physical pain, emotional pain,
psychological pain.

"What is my most
painful experience?"

And write about that.

And let's take
young heartbreak
off the table.

As a topic, okay?

I was so inspired.
I stayed up all night.

So did I.

So was I.

Do you hate it?
I can adjust anything.

-The background?
-No, no, don't.

Don't... Don't change anything.

It's beautiful.

Silly goose.

You're beautiful.

Kid, I gotta say, I love this.

I think you've
struck gold here.
Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

Now that's a title.

I'm going to send this off
to the tribunal for
review, stat.

But congratulations, kid.

I think this cutie patootie
half witch of yours is gonna

single-handedly save Pep Comics
from the dustbin of obscurity.

She's a woman
who needs no introduction.

Josie McCoy's impact
reaches beyond the stage

and into the very fabric
of our culture.

I know you're all familiar
with the breadth of her
incredible work,

but let's dive a little deeper,
shall we?

Tracy?

You are unapologetically you,
Miss McCoy.

But as someone representing,
well, all of us,

did you have to compromise
yourself along the way?

-First thing, Tracy?
-Yes.

You are not me,
and I am not you.
And yet, we are all beautiful.

My darlings, our experiences
as Black people
are multi-faceted

and rich and varied.

But none of us should
have to compromise
ourselves for anything.

We cannot. Compromise is not
a word in my vocabulary,
nor should it be in yours.

I cannot help but give
my whole self
to every performance

because the world deserves
every facet of my being.

Miss McCoy, a while back on
a trip to New York City,
I was lucky enough

to see you as Lady Macbeth,
opposite Charles Clayton
as Macbeth.

That was at my
theater in Harlem. I remember.

Mmm-hmm.
And your performance
has stayed with me ever since.

You were so fierce
and commanding,

yet, also vulnerable.

Oh, sweetie, that is
the only way
I know how to be.

Ferocious and vulnerable.
All things at once, and when
I work, I bleed.

It's as simple as that.

That's what I try to do
at my typewriter.

I try to bleed, too.

Enough about Josie McCoy.

Tell me. Where did the idea for
the Black Athena club
come from?

When I was in high school,
I would've crossed the Sahara
for a group like this.

Honestly, Josie,
I started this club
because I was tired.

Plain and simple.

I was tired of this bogus town
telling me who I was.

Tired of treading water in
the Caucasian sea of opinions.

We all needed a haven.

And I know I wasn't
the only one tired of being
told no by the gatekeepers.

-So we...
-So you bet on yourselves.

Mmm.

Yes, I can see that.

Yes, I certainly can.

All right, let's blow this out.

I want a full
red carpet premiere.

All the bells and whistles.

Spotlights, velvet ropes.

The creme de la creme.
My movie is
in your hands, Veronica.

But if Going Uptown
isn't a hit...

If we invite the press and they
don't right 5-star raves,

it won't just be my movie
that disappears.

I disappear too.

I won't get a second chance.

And this film
cost me everything.

What do you mean...

"cost you everything"?

I financed it myself.

When Going Uptown became
a Broadway hit...

When I, Josie McCoy made it
a hit, they wanted to turn it
into a movie.

Of course, I was thrilled.

Until I found out that my part,
the part that I won
a Tony Award for,

was being reconceived
for Lana Turner.

No...

Yes.

It was a slap in the face.

Apparently, the powers that be
thought the silver screen

wasn't ready for Josie McCoy
and her Black, beautiful self.

So I scrounged up
every penny I had.

I even mortgaged my brownstone
and I bought the rights

to Going Uptown out
from under them, and I made
the damn thing myself.

I put everything I had
into this picture.

So the test screenings,
the surveys,

weren't part of your process.

-They're going to be for...
-Studios.

If we tested well enough
with Black and white audiences
in the sticks,

I thought that maybe...
Maybe I could convince
one of the majors to...

To distribute Going Uptown.

Then why the change of heart
to hold the premier now?

Making Going Uptown,
and risking everything for it,

it's the most terrifying
thing I have ever done.

The studios. They don't think
I'm a movie star,
but I know I am.

But Going Uptown will have to
explode like an atomic bomb.

Are you tuned in and hearing
my signal straight?

Josie, after the premiere
I'm going to throw you,

you are going to have
a bidding war on your hands,

which is exactly what a star
of your caliber deserves.

I hate not being able
to see you.

Or hold you.

But we're cooking
with gas now, baby.

I performed for
the Josie McCoy.

She's gonna hook me up with
her music producer in New York.

A real hotshot,
Alexander Cabot.

Killer Diller!

Oh, Fangs. That's peachy
to the max.

I'm gonna get you out
of that crazy place.

We'll be together
before you know it.

They
rejected Sabrina?

Yep. They kicked it back
and in record time.

Sabrina the Teenage Witch
just ain't gonna fly, kid.

Why? Did they say?

Yeah, they...
They gave my ears
quite the bashing.

Objected to pretty much
everything, like, for starters,
that she's a witch.

This is nuts.

Preaching to the choir, kid,
preaching to the choir.

- You came up with something
fun and whimsical,

and all they saw was witches,
Satanism, hocus pocus,
and human sacrifices.

I know it's crushing,
but shame on us.

We probably never should have
tried to launch a comic book

about witch in the middle
of a witch hunt.

I'm so
sorry, Jughead.

Sabrina The Teenage Witch
is a brilliant idea,

and I'm not just saying that
because I inspired her.

She's just ahead of her time.

Give it a few years.

Let the hysteria die down
and there will be
no stopping her.

I just feel like Pep Comics
is sinking in quicksand.

Listen, if you're down
in the mouth

and not in the mood
for a premier,

I'd completely understand.

Are you kidding?
This is probably
the only chance

I'll ever be invited
to a Hollywood premiere.
I'm not going to miss it.

-The only thing is--
-You don't have a suit.

I barely have any clothes
without an S on them.

I thought we might
run into this predicament.

So I may or may not have taken
some precautionary measures.

Tailored exactly
to your measurements.

I think you'll find nothing but
the best for my flutter bum.

Yowza.

Are you absolutely sure
you're not a teenage witch?

Who's that sourpuss?

He's a notoriously surly
but also highly influential
movie critic

from the WABE Journal.

Don't worry.

You and your movie
are undeniable.

Here we go.

What the hell is going on,
you bozos?

Film got hot and split.

We need to splice it back
together and rethread it.

Have you snapped your caps?
We're gonna lose them.

-Who?
-The audience, Kevin.

The audience and the critics.

The spell has been broken.

You two are the worst
projectionists in the world.

You're fired,
we're no longer friends.

And from now on you'll be
paying full price
for movie tickets.

Everyone, calm down.

Once. I was mid performance in
Greenwich Village when the club
got raided by the fuzz.

But I still managed
to finish my performance.

We will get through this
if we don't fall apart.

You two, how long
will it take to splice
my film back together?

I don't know. Five minutes?

Five minutes.

There are half a dozen critics
out there looking at their
pocket watches,

wondering if they can catch
the next train out
of Riverdale.

Hold your horses, folks.
Where do you think
you're going?

All right. Now, why don't we
sit down and enjoy
the excitement?

Well, they're fixing my film.

How long would it take you
to get a band together?

Fangs is here. So I'd say
about 60 seconds?

Perfect.

Then I'll buy these two
the time they need

to get my movie fixed
and running again.

Who says
motion pictures
are a frozen art form?

While my associates are making
Going Uptown even more fabulous
than before,

here in the flesh,

performing the film's
title number,

is Miss Josie McCoy.

Gentlemen.

When you look
around the room, look.
Tell me, what do you see?

Imitations of imitations.

I invented myself.

I just saw Mr. Abrams off.

He's on the train back
to New York.

And? Is it going to be
a rave or not?

Now, Josie,
you know these critics.

But I may have greased
his wheels a bit,

and gotten a taste of what
he's going to publish
in the journal.

Let's hear it.

First, the headline.

"A star is born."

Would you like to hear
the opening paragraph?

Why not?

"Stop the presses.

An atomic bomb exploded
in Riverdale.

People will be talking about it
for the rest of their days.

Call the Oscars and tell them
that all of the major awards

will be going to Josie McCoy
this year.

Miss McCoy, the genius creative
force and I do mean force,
behind Going Uptown,

has not only earned herself
a seat at the glorious table
that is Tinseltown.

She has commandeered
the whole damn restaurant."

This is really happening.

I'm not dreaming.

Josie,
it's not happening.

It happened.
You made it happen.

And as far as I'm concerned,
you put Riverdale and
the Babylonium

on the map tonight,
so thank you for that.

And by the way,
there's one thing
this reviewer got wrong.

A star wasn't born tonight.

You've always been
a star, Josie.

From the first second
you drew breath.

You weren't even
at the hospital.

You're not wrong though.

We make a good team, you and I.

Perhaps we should
do this again.

I wonder, Veronica,
if you're not just
treading water here,

managing a theater
when what you should be doing
is making movies.

- Uh-huh.
- I see I've intrigued you.

That's what Josie McCoy
does best.

Uncle Frank,
what's going on?

Reggie, will you give us
a minute?

What the hell is this?

Mrs. Grundy asked us to write
about our most personal
and private pain.

"Overseas or in mountain marsh,
that's where you really are.

You have a plot of land
here at home,

but you will always be lost
to me over there."

Writing poetry to get with
the girl is fine. I said that.

But writing about your father?

Exploiting his sacrifice
for our country,
for our family?

No.

No! You will not sully
his memory like this.

What's wrong with me writing
about my dad?

I mean, I wish I could still
talk to him, but I can't.

At least this way...

Uncle Frank, stop!

Don't you ever write about
your father like that again.

Am I understood?