Riverdale (2016–…): Season 7, Episode 16 - Chapter One Hundred Thirty-Three: Stag - full transcript

[school bell ringing]

[Ms. Grundy] "I saw
the best minds of my generation

destroyed by madness,

starving, hysterical, naked.

Angelheaded hipsters

burning for the ancient
heavenly connection

to the starry dynamo
in the machinery of night,

floating across the tops
of cities contemplating jazz."

Is that from Howl,
by Allen Ginsberg?

Yeah. He... he performed it

in San Francisco
earlier this year.



Ginsberg,
he's a Beat poet, isn't he?

That's right, Betty.

Yeah, he was there
at the beginning, at Columbia,

with Jack Kerouac
and William Burroughs.

Sorry, but...
who are the Beats?

The Beats are...

Vagabond rebel writers

who reject institutionalized
American values

like materialism, conformity
and heteronormativity.

Heteronormativity?

The Beats have
a lot of sex, Archie.

[chuckles softly]

[Clay] And a lot of it
with each other.

Even the men's men,
like Kerouac and Cassidy,



they have girlfriends.

But they also have each other.

Bully for them. Sounds like
my kind of literary movement.

The Beats
are a whole counterculture

dedicated to living
their lives a certain way.

Always exploring,

experimenting, hustling,

pushing the boundaries
of human experience.

You know, really living.

[Archie] Uh...

Uh, Ms. Grundy,

are we allowed
to continue reading Howl?

Yes, I already made copies.

Read it, and we will discuss it
at our next meeting.

Bettie Page
sure is a dolly and a half.

Oh, she's an icon in fishnets.

Even you
will have to agree, Lizzo.

Yeah, she's not bad,

but I wanna let you two kittens
in on a little secret.

That mag's nowheresville

compared to what
I just got in the mail.

What are my eyes beholding?

The latest issue
of Femme-and-In magazine,

an underground
lesbian pin-up mag.

[school bell ringing]

Lizzo, can we borrow this?

Oh, you can keep it, Topaz.
I always buy two copies.

Just, uh, don't get caught

with your hand
in the cookie jar.

Whatever you wet rags
are doing tonight, drop it.

I got my hands on a stag film.

Wait, what's a stag film?

Jeez, Andrews, maybe it's time

to get your nose
out of those poems.

It's a skin flick,

complete with naked women.

Sometimes more than one.

Where'd you get
something like that?

A buddy of mine
from Stonewall Prep,

lent it to me.

So who's game?

Oh, come on, Fogarty,
you've got to be horny

with your honey under
lock and key at the Sisters'.

Where would we watch it?

We can hang a blanket up
in my parents' barn.

Only glitch is,
we need a projector.

You two work
at the movie theater, right?

Can you help a brother out?

The Babylonium does
have a smaller projector, but--

We wanna come, too.

Fine.

Just don't expect it to be like

one of those wrestling movies
you like to watch.

So, Robert Frost.

You in?

-Yeah, we're in.
-Right-o.

From all accounts
you won't be disappointed.

My pal told me that there's
nothing they don't show.

[boys chuckle]

[typewriter keys clacking]

Jeepers, Mr. Fieldstone,
it's like a funeral in here.

Did something happen?

[sighs] Yes. I got a letter
from that crackpot Werthers.

Apparently wants
to follow up his bonfire

with some cockamamie
comic book code

he wants to ram down
our throats.

A code to do what?

To censor our content,

like the Hays Code
censors movies.

Now, I didn't spend two years
fighting Nazis in France

to kowtow to fascists at home.

He and his "board of experts"

want to have
a sit-down meeting with you?

Yeah, and look
who that geezer's

got on his side of the table.

Mayor Blossom,
that chrome-dome principal,

some fuddy-duddy nun

from The Sisters
of Quiet Mercy.

Well, golly, Mr. Fieldstone,
you have to do it.

It might be the best way
to defend Pep Comics

before this code
becomes official.

Okay, fine, fine.
I'll, I'll try and get my hands

on a draft of Werthers'
"recommendations"

before we go
into the lion's den.

"We"?

You have tangled
with Werthers before

and lived to tell the tale.

So far.

What do you say?

Will you step up?

You betcha.

Let's beat 'em
at their own game.

[jazz music playing]

You know, babe,

what if we did
a pin-up shoot of our own.

Color me curious.

I've got a camera.

And it has a timer,

so we could both
be in the pictures.

In that case, afterwards,

we could pick
our favorite photo,

and then I could turn it into

the most fantabulous
oil painting

in the tradition
of our favorite

pulp novel covers. [gasps]

I know exactly

where our clandestine
photoshoot can be.

Tell me. Where?

Thornhill's chapel.

No one in my unholy family
ever uses it.

[suspenseful music playing]

[Veronica] Well,
if it isn't the Bobbsey Twins,

up to their old tricks again.

How many times
do I have to tell you boys

that you're free to watch
your wrestling movies

in our auditorium.

After hours, of course,
and provided you clean up.

Oh, uh, it's,
it's not that, Veronica. Um...

Julian...

got his hands on a stag film,

and he needs a projector
to screen it.

You don't say.

I've heard about
these "smokers" before.

So-called because they're
typically screened by men

in the back rooms
of their private clubs

while smoking cigars
and enjoying hot toddies.

But I've never
actually seen one.

Though
I've always been curious.

Exactly. Same as us.

Yeah, that's why
we're helping the creep.

Why don't I make you a deal?

You tell Julian

that he can do
a proper screening

here at the Babylonium tonight,

and invite
all his horndog friends.

But I get to come, too.

And invite a gal-pal.

["W.O.M.A.N" playing]

♪ Talkin' about you, a man ♪

♪ Always ready to go ♪

♪ And holler
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ I'm a W-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ A woman ♪

♪ A woman ♪

♪ Woman ♪

♪ Woman ♪

♪ Now that should teach you
About a W-O-M-A-N ♪

♪ Woman... ♪

[Veronica] I thought
you'd given me the brush-off.

I know. I'm sorry.

I had to wait for my mom
to take her sleeping pills.

I'm just glad you made it.

I didn't want
to be the only girl here,

and I knew
you'd wanna take a gander.

Oh, yes.

Ever since reading
about stag films

in Dr. Kingsley's book.

Well, the boys
are already in the theater,

panting like
a pack of rabid wolves.

[boys whooping]

[Veronica]
It's showtime, fellas.

So settle down,

and welcome
to the Riverdale premiere of...

The Wedding Night.

-[boys] Yeah!
-[Veronica] Yes.

In which a young,
blushing bride

is initiated into
the mysteries of matrimony.

[boy] Okay!

Now, behave yourselves, fellas.

Keep the roughhousing
and catcalling to a minimum.

And with that, enjoy the show.

[boys cheering and whooping]

[boys shushing]

[pensive music playing]

[boys muttering]

[boys hooting, hollering]

-[Julian] Take it off!
-[boy] Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Betty, what's wrong?

Stop! Stop the movie! Stop!

That woman is my sister.

-Your sister?
-Polly?

Cut the reel
and, uh, hit the lights, Clay.

[boys booing]

[bell chimes]

Well, safe to say that was
a twist no one saw coming.

When was the last time
you saw your sister?

A couple of years, but, Vee,
this doesn't make any sense.

Polly is a dancer on Broadway.

Maybe you should call Polly.

See if you can
get some answers.

[phone line trilling]

-[Polly] Hello.
-Polly.

It's Betty, I...

I found your number
in Mom's address book.

I'm sorry to be
calling you so late, but...

we need to talk.

♪ Well, somebody told me ♪

♪ My gal was runnin' 'round ♪

♪ Yeah, somebody told me ♪

♪ I don't want her
To be like that ♪

♪ 'Cause she's only
Actin' a clown ♪

He didn't pass it to you, he--

So last night was a bust.

Tell you what, though,

I got Keller and Walker
to lend me a projector,

and I watched
another movie I got

from my buddy at Stonewall Prep

after Cooper shut us down.

And, guys,

it's like the tenth Wonder
of the World. Mm.

And guess what?

For two bucks,

I'll rent you the projector
and the movie,

which you can watch

in the privacy
of your own home,

this time,
with no interruptions.

What do you say, boys?

[Veronica] Okay, so you
and Polly actually spoke?

Yes, but it was quick.

She's on her way
to Riverdale, now.

We're gonna meet at Pop's

so she can explain
everything to me in person.

But she says she doesn't
do those films anymore.

Right. She's on Broadway.

No, actually,
that's her cover story.

What she told me
last night is she does...

[whispers] burlesque.

Really?

Do your parents know that?

[in normal voice] Apparently.

I didn't ask them this morning.

They don't even know
that I reached out to Polly.

Well, for what it's worth,
burlesque is a legit art form.

In fact, some
burlesque performers

are huge stars.

Gypsy Rose Lee, to name one.

Josephine Baker,
to name another.

Well, she says her stage name
is Polly Amorous.

Cut the gas.

Polly Amorous?

Betty, she's the berries.
I'm gonna flip.

What?

Have you seen her perform?

No, I wish.

But I recognize that name
from the trades.

I always thought she sounded
so glamorous and flossy.

I mean, I'd flat-out die
and go to heaven

to have her perform
at the Babylonium.

Uh, she kind of already did.

Her burlesque show,
you tickler.

Say, come to think of it,

maybe this is why your mom
is so terrified of S-E-X.

Maybe she's
threatened by Polly.

Her independence,

her sexuality,

her devil-may-care ways.

Well, hi-de-ho,
I must say it's official.

You're a genius.

Well, photography
is no big whoop

when you have subjects
as stunning as, well, us.

By the way,
I was reading the back pages

of Femme-and-In magazine,

and they publish
amateur photos,

if that's something
that you're interested in.

Perhaps after
we graduate high school.

In the meantime,

how do you feel about me

painting a version of this
for us?

That's my favorite one, too.

I can't wait to see
how you pulpify us.

[Jughead] I know how you feel
about comic books, Veronica,

but I also know that you're
the top negotiator in town.

And though I'm not necessarily
a fanatic of comic books,

I don't think they should be
burned or banned.

But this code...

Yeah, my boss, Mr. Fieldstone

got us a copy
ahead of the meeting.

What that crackpot Werthers
is proposing is insane.

I mean,
it is straight out of 1984.

Big Brother is watching,

and he's trying
to take your comic books.

These rules are more outrageous
than the Hays Code.

How can you possibly
spin any yarn

with all these kinds of
blanket restrictions?

Heck, he's even trying
to ban the words

"horror" and "terror"
from our covers.

And some of these rules
are incredibly vague.

Werthers wants to outlaw
stories with

"horror, bloodshed,
depravity, lust,"

but he doesn't define
what those terms mean.

I think he's trying

to specifically target
Pep Comics.

And if he gets his way,
the good doctor

is going to run us
out of business.

So you came to me.

Smart.

Well, first,

don't get the gringles.

If they smell fear,

they will pounce on you.

Technically, this isn't a code.

It's a proposal.

Their first offer.

So you and Mr. Fieldstone
should make a counterproposal.

Go through this draft
point by point.

Be crystal clear
about what you want.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's good.

You're in the right
on this one, Jughead.

Don't doubt yourself.

It's really nice
to see you again, Polly.

I missed you.

Aw. I missed you, too, Betty.

I'm sorry
that we're reconnecting

under these circumstances.

Oh, I figured
you'd want this back.

Yes, hmm, thank you.

Can I ask,

why did you do it, Polly?

[exhales]

I got hoodwinked
into filming The Wedding Night

when I first got to New York.

I was young and naive,

and I fell in love with a fink
who steered me wrong.

I spent a year

trying to track down
every copy I could find.

Thought I got 'em all.

[Betty] Hmm.

Well, how did you...
how did you get into burlesque?

It's funny.

Um, I auditioned
for the Rockettes.

But I wasn't tall enough.

And then I saw
Gypsy Rose Lee perform

at the Ziegfeld Follies,
and I thought,

that is what I wanna do.

And whatever you might
think about burlesque,

I'm proud of my career.

It's on my terms.
I make good money.

People respect me,

and I respect myself.

So you don't have to worry.

I wanted to tell you
that face to face.

[sighs] I'm so happy
for you, Polly, really.

And... to be perfectly honest,

I did a little
burlesque show of my own

just for one person, Archie.

Archie from next door?

In our windows.

Well, you always
were sweet on him.

How much did you say
Mom and Dad know about...

My life?

Well, they don't know
about The Wedding Night.

Thank God.

But they do know
about Polly Amorous.

I invited them to my show
a couple years ago.

They walked out
in the first five minutes

without saying a word.

Not a peep.

And then I started hearing
that Mom was telling people

I was doing Guys and Dolls,
and I thought,

"Well, that is it for me."

In their eyes, at least.

But it's fine.

I'm past that. Truly.

I came here for you, Betty,

and I booked a room
at the Cozy Time Motel

because I figured Mom and Dad
have no interest in seeing me.

And anyways, I don't wanna
step foot in that house...

[chuckles] ever again.

I understand.

Believe me. [scoffs]

But I thought we could
do something fun tonight.

Go shopping, to the movies.
My treat, of course.

Actually, if you're not
rushing back to the city,

I was wondering
if you might be willing

to meet a friend of mine.

She's a big fan of yours,

of... of Polly Amorous.

A fan in Riverdale?

Absolutely.

I never say no to a fan.

[both giggle softly]

[girls giggling]

[jazz music playing]

Be still my beating heart.

The Polly Amorous sitting
in my humble living room.

Now that we're gal pals,

you must tell me
everything about everything.

How's Gay Paree and Old Madrid
and every city in between.

I will let you know
just after I get back

from my all-expenses-paid
first-class European tour.

-Polly, you're going to Europe?
-Mm-hmm.

Your sister
is living the dream.

A new city and a different
paramour every night I bet.

[chuckles] Well, not exactly.

Oh?

I...

I'm engaged.

You're engaged?

To... to who?

[chuckles] His name
is Langley Huggles.

He's a stockbroker,
completely devoted to me.

Keeps me grounded.

And housed in a penthouse
on the Upper West Side.

Ooh, la, la.

[Polly chuckles]

Polly, you were going to
invite me to the wedding,

I hope,

whatever tension
there is with Mom and Dad.

Sure, I was.

Actually,

I was gonna ask you if
you would be my maid of honor.

Aw.

Well, I wouldn't be
Veronica Lodge if I didn't ask.

What do you think about doing
a one-night-only show

at my theater, The Babylonium?

I know Betty would love
to see you perform, as would I.

It's true, and maybe
Mom would even come,

since it's right here in town.

I wouldn't hold
your breath on that, Betty.

But as a matter of fact,

I am working on a new routine.

Well, then it's kismet.

And we'll keep it
on the hush-hush. Girls only.

[sultry music playing]

This is gonna be the best
two dollars we've ever spent.

I'll say.

Tonight we become men.

[Reggie grunts]

You ready?

-Yeah.
-[click]

[quirky music playing]

What, uh... [clears throat]

What is this?

Don't know. Maybe they're gonna
fight over a girl or something.

-Right. Yeah.
-Yeah.

Yeah.

Dang nabbit!

That joker Julian

must have switched
films on us as a gag.

Yeah, didn't Julian
say something about

Kevin and Clay
watching wrestling videos?

I don't know.
But we should probably

turn this off, right?
[chuckles] I mean...

Yeah. Yeah, we probably should.

Maybe we just give it a minute

just to see if a girl comes in
or something.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

[chuckles]

Let's do that.

[quirky music continues]

Hey, that was... wacko, right?

Do you think the guys
in that movie were...

you know...

Well... some guys are that way.

Yeah, so...

Are Kevin and Clay?

I think...

yeah.

Maybe.

And, you know,
there's an in-between.

What do you mean,
an in-between?

Like a little wiggle room
to... explore.

We've been talking about it
in Mrs. Grundy's workshop.

These Beat poets would...

experiment with each other.

Even though
they were men's men,

with girlfriends,
wives, families.

They would...

with... other guys?

Do stuff.

Yeah, with their buddies.

Just to see, just to...

try it on for size.

[both gasp]

I gotta take a cold shower.

Yeah, me too. Well,
I'll go after you. [chuckles]

And tomorrow
you can bet your ass

that Julian Blossom is gonna
give us our two dollars back.

Yeah.

Hey, Blossom!

What's the big idea
giving us a wrestling movie?

Aw, aren't you two
in love with each other?

I thought that flick
might break the ice, you know,

get the ball,
or balls, rolling.

Give us our damn money back
or I'll pound you.

All right!

Get your filthy meat hooks
off of me.

There you go, ladies.

There's your two clams.

If anything
I should be paying you.

Your faces are priceless.

[chuckles sarcastically]

What about the damn stag film?

The one with Cooper's sister.

Betty took it, numbskull.

But I do have another smoky.

This one about a guy
with two girls.

If you're interested.

This time
I'll lend it to you gratis.

What does that mean?

[softly] It's free.

'Cause I'm that kind of guy.

[breathes deeply]

Hey, all you hep kittens!

May we have
your attention, please?

Clear your dance cards, ladies,

because the Babylonium
is proud to present

a very special,
one-night-only performance

by international burlesque star
and chanteuse,

the sensational Polly Amorous.

Who?

My sister Polly.

Wait.

Your sister's a burlesque star.

Things are starting to make
a hellish sense now.

[Veronica] In any case,

this is going to be
a ladies night only.

No boys allowed.

Well, sounds like
my kinda night.

So, who's in?

[Jughead] "Scenes dealing with

or instruments associated with
walking dead,

torture, vampires
and vampirism,

ghouls, cannibalism,

and werewolfism
are prohibited."

Wooden stakes
are used to kill vampires.

But if Super Duck used
wooden stakes to pitch a tent,

would that be okay
or is that banned, too?

Mr. Jones, please.

Clearly, context matters.

And shouldn't you be in class?

It's my lunch period, sir.

"Suggestive
and salacious illustration

or suggestive posture
is unacceptable"?

Could you be
a little more specific

about which postures you mean?

Um, Sister,

uh, perhaps you and the doctor

could, uh, demonstrate
for us numbskulls.

Buffoons.

What about this item?

"All scenes of horror,
excessive bloodshed,

gory or gruesome crimes,
depravity, lust, sadism

and masochism
shall not be permitted"?

This code in its current state
violates the First Amendment.

Oh, surely
you're not suggesting

that tripe like this
is protected by free speech.

Freedom of speech
is protection of speech

that you don't agree with,
Dr. Werthers.

What you are advocating for
is censorship.

You even wanna
ban the word "mystery"

from appearing on our covers.

Mr. Fieldstone, as an educator,

I believe this code
to be quite even-handed.

Well, I believe it to be

intentionally vague
and confusing

so that you can apply it
to anything you want to censor.

And who exactly
defines what "lurid",

"unsavory" or "perverted" is?

Is that you, Dr. Werthers?

Are we done here?

[Jughead] No,
we are not done here.

We have a counterproposal.

In the form of a rating system.

A rating system?

Yes, printed clearly
on our covers.

A comic might be
rated "K" for "Kid"

or "T" for "Teen"
or "A" for "Adult."

Don't be so naive.

Stamping an "A" for "Adult"
on a comic book

would only
make it more desirable

for young readers.

[Featherhead] Riverdale's
children and teenagers

must be protected.

At all costs.

Yeah, you,
you keep saying this,

but "protected" from what?

From the corrupting filth

that you and your colleagues
peddle, Mr. Jones.

Tales of... of murder,
lust, sex and violence

that would in turn prompt
the same in their behavior.

Do you want to know what else
has all of those themes?

The Bible,
the plays of Shakespeare,

Bullfinch's Mythology--

Apples and oranges.

Wrongdoers
are punished in the Bible.

Show me one Pep Comic book

that glamorizes violence.

I don't read such depravity.

No, you just burn it.

Gentlemen, Sister,

I think it's time
we wrapped this up.

Don't you concur?

Wrap it up? We haven't even
begun to reach compromise.

This meeting
was never a negotiation.

It was offered to you
as a courtesy.

All of your competitors
have already agreed

to comply with
our Comic Book Code.

You are, at the moment,
the only holdouts.

I mean, if you do not
abide by our strictures,

then you will not
be able to print

the Comic Book Code
Seal of Approval on your books.

No! No.

Not even Super Duck,

which means that
no newsstand in America

will sell or even carry
your comic books.

They will be relegated
to the trash heap,

where they belong.

[dramatic music playing]

I know it's been a busy week,

but did you all
have a chance to read Howl?

Good. Let's open it up
for discussion.

What did you all think?

Dynamic and hallucinogenic.

A subterranean toppling
of idolatry

and an awakening.

[Ms. Grundy] Very good, Clay.

Archie, what did you think
of Ginsberg's poem?

I...

couldn't sleep
after reading it.

Where does a humdinger
like Howl even come from?

Well, Allen's lived
a lot of life.

My husband says,

"You can't be a real poet
without really... living."

Well, in that case,

I'm never gonna be able
to write anything like Howl.

Why would you say that, Archie?

Because look at me,
Ms. Grundy. I'm a square.

What am I gonna write about?

Jack Kerouac played football
in small-town Massachusetts

before going to Columbia
to study writing.

[Clay] Maybe it's more about

keeping an open mind
about things.

Being open
to trying new things,

with different people.

Or more than one person,
maybe two.

Let me ask you this, Archie.

Have you ever seen the sunrise?

Sure.

You mean like waking up early
for basketball practice?

No, no, I mean
staying up all night.

With your friends,
drinking coffee and,

and getting into deep
philosophical conversations

that last until the sky
streaks pink and yellow

with the dawn's early light.

My husband and I do that,
once a month.

Let me tell you, it is...

transcendent.

It's like... being reborn.

Betty,

what's your take on Howl?

To be honest, Mrs. Grundy,
I'm halfway through it, and...

so far, I appreciate how...

How it isn't afraid
to ask the hard questions?

To have the difficult
conversations

that many of us are...

too afraid to even begin?

Lady's Leisure?

Any interesting article--

What can I do for you,
Elizabeth?

I came here to see
if you wanted to join me

and my gal pals tonight
at the Babylonium.

[scoffs]

Polly's performing.

What?

Polly's here? In Riverdale?

And she's performing?

She is. I called her.

When were you planning
on telling me that my sister

is a world famous
burlesque dancer?

Never, if I had my druthers.

So is that why you've been
so down on me all this time?

Are you punishing me

for Polly's choices,

or trying to make sure

that I don't follow
in her footsteps?

I can't believe
your sister's here, performing.

Well, she is.

She's living her life, Mom,

without us because
you decided to cut her off.

Oh, did you know
that she's engaged?

To a stockbroker.

Don't you want
to go to her wedding?

Please, just come
to the show tonight, Mom.

Imagine what a great surprise
that it would be for her,

not to mention
the best chance we have to...

just be a family again.

In what world

would I wanna go
and watch my daughter

debase herself
for dirty old men?

It is not for dirty old men.

It is just for girls.

Well, I don't care
if it's for the Virgin Mary.

[sighs] Well, I'm going.

And don't even
try to forbid me.

Because I'm proud of Polly

and I want to support her,

and show her that I love
and accept her no matter what.

Unlike her mother.

You ready?

Ready.

[ethereal music playing]

[chuckles softly]

What--

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no! No!

What are we supposed to do now?

I'm horny as heck!

Me, too, Reg.

Me, too.

Wait...

I got an idea.

Now it's little raunchy,

but, I mean,
if you're up for it...

♪ Diamonds, pearls ♪

♪ Emeralds and rings ♪

Well, well, well.

Looks like Twyla
hit the jackpot tonight.

Now, which one of you hunks

of Wisconsin man-cheese
is coming in first?

Or maybe you both
wanna come in...

at the same time?

[girls cheering]

[jazz music playing]

-Ladies and...
-[girls continue cheering]

Ladies.

The Babylonium
takes great pleasure

in presenting the one,
the only, Miss Polly Amorous!

[jazz music playing]

♪ Curtain up ♪

♪ Light the lights ♪

♪ Play it, boys! ♪

♪ Ya either got it
Or ya ain't ♪

♪ And, boys, I got it! ♪

♪ Some people got it
And make it pay ♪

♪ Some people
Can't even give it away ♪

♪ This people's got it ♪

♪ And this people's
Spreadin' it around ♪

♪ You either have it ♪

♪ Or you've had it ♪

♪ Hello, everybody! ♪

♪ Mama's talkin' loud ♪

♪ Mama's doin' fine ♪

♪ Mama's gettin' hot ♪

♪ Mama's goin' strong ♪

♪ Mama's movin' on ♪

♪ Mama's all alone ♪

♪ Mama doesn't care ♪

♪ Mama's lettin' loose ♪

♪ Mama's got the stuff ♪

♪ Mama's lettin' go! ♪

♪ Why did I do it? ♪

♪ Give 'em love
And what does it get ya? ♪

♪ What does it get ya? ♪

♪ One quick look
As each of 'em leaves you ♪

♪ All your life
And what does it get ya? ♪

♪ Thanks a lot
And out with the garbage ♪

♪ They take bows
And you're battin' zero ♪

♪ Everything's
Coming up roses ♪

♪ Everything's
Coming up roses ♪

♪ Everything's
Coming up roses ♪

♪ This time for me ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ For me! ♪

♪ For me! ♪

♪ For me! ♪

♪ For me! ♪

♪ For me! ♪

[cheering]

Polly, that was spectacular.

Oh, it was okay.

Still working out the kinks.

Well, some of them.

I'm just glad
I finally got to see

a bona fide
burlesque star in the flesh.

But interestingly,
not too much flesh.

Well, that is correct.

If you're good enough,
you can suggest more than show.

Well, you, my dear Miss Amorous
are better than good.

I'm just sorry
that Mom didn't come.

I really thought
that she might rally.

It's okay. She doesn't
believe in what I do.

But that's on her.
Not me or you.

Look, Betty,

if you take anything
from my visit, let it be this.

When you find
the thing that you love,

just promise me
that you'll do it.

No matter what Mom
or anybody says.

I promise.

And I want nothing more
than to be your maid of honor.

[Polly] Oh, Betty.

Oh, consider yourself booked.

[gentle music playing]

Wow.

Mrs. Grundy was right.

Staying up all night really
does make the dawn look...

Different.

Somehow.

Yeah.

And now that we've...

expanded our horizons...

It seems like...

anything's possible
at this point.

I love you, Reggie.

I love you, too, bud.

[ominous music playing]

[Penelope] Sweetheart.

Something wrong?

Perhaps you should
pray on it in the chapel.

I don't get to go
as often as I'd like,

but when I do
I find such comfort there.

[scoffs]

Toni, I have
a question for you.

Do you still have the negatives
from our photoshoot?

Of course. Why?

My hideous mother

and by extension, my father.

I can't keep living
at their mercy.

I wanna shut them up
and shut them down,

once and for all.

Didn't hear you
come in last night.

I presume Polly's on her way
back to New York City?

-Yes.
-[sighs]

And I'm so jealous.

She has... freedom,

a career she loves,

someone in her life
who worships her.

That's more than
any one of us here can say.

Don't pick a fight
with me, Elizabeth.

I'm not in the mood.

So when are you going to stop?

Stop sabotaging our family?

-Oh, is that what
you think I'm doing?
-Well, isn't it?

Did you forget when you
disowned me as your daughter?

-Oh...
-You drove Polly away.

We couldn't even have
one night together,

the three of us,
because of your hang-ups.

-Oh--
-You know what?

You are a sad, lonely woman.

And it is all your own doing.

But I'll tell you this, Mom,

I am not giving you
any more power over my life

because you will ruin it.

I'm going to do
exactly what Polly did.

And the second I can
leave this town, I'm gone.

Fine.

Go!

Oh, you should know,
after last night,

I'm thinking of following
in Polly's footsteps

and becoming
a burlesque dancer, too.

Except maybe
I'll take off all my clothes.

And then what will you
tell your friends?

Or will you just pretend
that I don't exist

or that I died tragically?

-Elizabeth--
-It doesn't matter

because I won't
be in this house.

I will be far away from you

doing whatever I want,
and you can't stop me.

[Alice grunts]

[dramatic music playing]

[inhales sharply]

I'm surprised it took you
this long to do that.

[Veronica] So what happens now?

Well, if we
don't follow their code,

we can't publish our comics
with their "Seal of Approval."

And if we can't get that,

then publishers
won't print our comics.

Distributors
will not ship them,

and newsstands
will not sell them.

So, we either follow
their cock-eyed rules,

or we go the way of the dodos.

How could I have been so naive?

I, I really thought that
there was a way through this.

You weren't naive, Jughead.

You were fighting
for what's right.

For what
this country stands for...

or what it's
supposed to stand for.

Well, shucks,

who even needs
the Russian invasion

when we're happily
destroying ourselves?

Don't you worry, Nick Charles,
we'll figure something out.

Oh, "we" will?

I mean,

I just sort of said that

to say something.

[both chuckle]

But here we find ourselves...

once again,

just the two of us.

We...

kind of blew it last time,
didn't we?

[both chuckle]

We did.

But as I said...

here we are again.

Here we are again.

[romantic music playing]

[bell chimes]