Riverdale (2016–…): Season 6, Episode 1 - Chapter Ninety-Six: Welcome to Rivervale - full transcript
There's a town that exists
at the borderlands.
A place of nightmares
and dreamscapes.
A place where folklore and myth
carry the weight of fact
and truth.
A place where superstition
and their laws
overshadow the laws of science,
and a place where
old traditions die hard,
if they die at all.
The name of this place
is Rivervale.
And though it might
seem familiar to you,
like a town you visited before,
I can assure you,
it is not that same town.
Don't worry,
I'll show you around.
First stop,
Toni and Fangs' apartment,
portrait of a couple
in distress.
Baby Anthony finally
fell asleep?
More like he passed out
from exhaustion.
He can't keep going
like this, Fangs.
He's literally crying 24/7.
Something's wrong.
We'll call Doc Curdle,
get Anthony an appointment.
It's gonna be okay, I promise.
Ah...
There she is,
Miss Tabitha Tate.
And that is
our real estate agent.
And if I'm not mistaken,
those are our...
Here are your keys.
Thank you, Ms. Gordon.
We are so excited.
Uh-huh.
So, is this your first time
living with a beau?
Actually, yes.
I've never taken
that step before.
I have always been too guarded,
I guess.
Too nervous.
Of course.
This day and age,
you can't be too careful.
Let's check in with Rivervale's
premier power couple,
Reggie Mantle
and Veronica Lodge.
I'm sorry, Mr. Banks,
but if you hesitate,
I can't guarantee
this opportunity
will be here tomorrow.
You'd be getting in
on the ground floor
of a gold mine, Mr. Lance.
Yes, that is correct.
A casino right here
in Rivervale.
Exhausting, aren't they?
Let's head over to Elm Street.
The Cooper house,
where Alice is doing
a lot better,
but her appliances,
not so much.
Well...
that should clear that up.
What was it, Frank?
More chicken bones?
No, not this time.
It was a, um,
dish rag.
Hey, I have quiche in the oven.
Would you stay for breakfast?
Tempting,
but let's go next door.
Where my old chum
Archie Andrews
is living with my ex-girlfriend
Betty Cooper.
Let that one sink in
for a minute.
And while we're all
good friends, I should probably
end the tour here
and leave whatever is happening
upstairs to your imaginations.
-Arch.
You okay?
Was it another nightmare?
Yeah. Sorry I woke you.
No, it's okay.
Was it a bad one?
It was surreal.
We were talking up here
in my room,
and we heard this
ticking noise.
Mmm-hmm.
It was a bomb under the bed.
Oh, my God. That's awful.
Yeah, the weirdest part,
we were living in a town
called Riverdale.
Riverdale with a "D."
Yeah.
Okay. No more Twilight Zone
marathons before bed, okay?
Let's make all those bad dreams
go away with some
early morning delight.
Kev, what's going on?
Where are you?
I was jogging when I found it.
Whoa.
The way the deer's
laid out looks...
ritualistic,
like it was sacrificed.
And its blood was used
to draw these runic symbols
all over the stone.
Who would do that?
I don't know,
but whoever did
took the deer's heart.
Okay, uh, never gonna
jog here again.
Nor should you, interloper.
You merry three are trespassing
on the sacred sovereign nation
of Thornhill.
Be gone from
its borders immediately,
or else my pupils
will shoot you full of arrows.
Like who, girls?
St. Sebastian.
Mistress Blossom.
Cheryl, this is a crime scene
so I need to collect
all of the evidence,
including the deer.
You will do
nothing of the sort.
My girls and I will assume
possession of that carcass.
To do what?
We will make a stew
from its meat,
a pelt from its hide
and a paste from its hooves.
That's a little barbaric.
No, you sad, simple, she-child.
It's a part of a sacred circle
of life and death,
of use, reuse and rebirth,
of paying respect
to what the Earth gives us,
all of what she gives us.
Now leave my land, heathens.
Girls.
Toodles.
I'm afraid Baby Anthony
has colic.
Colic?
It's quite common
and can last indefinitely.
There might be gas
in his intestines
causing the discomfort--
What can we do, Doc?
Because he's crying 24/7.
It's agony for all of us.
I do know
of an old folk remedy.
I'd like to put this toad
in Baby Anthony's mouth.
It'll suck the colic
right out of him,
absorb it.
No more crying.
I'm sorry,
but there's no chance in hell
I'm letting you put
a frickin' frog
in my baby's mouth.
In that case, the only other
recommendation I can make
is ear plugs.
How many more boxes
of comic books do you have?
Oh, it's just a fraction.
The rest is still in storage.
You know, to be honest
with you, Jug,
I didn't know
you were that into comics.
Well, what can I say, Archie?
I contain multitudes.
Come on.
I really appreciate
your help, Betty.
I hope you don't feel weird
being here.
No, not at all.
Honestly, I'm very happy
that you and Jughead are taking
this step together.
Meanwhile,
what about you and Archie?
Are you all in?
It's really weird, Tabitha.
Back in high school,
one of the biggest questions
in my life was...
"Am I going to end up
with Archie or Jughead?"
And now it seems like we have
a definitive answer.
Today's your lucky day,
Cameron.
I'm wondering if you
or any of your boys want
to invest in a boutique casino
a colleague and I
are opening up in Rivervale.
So this is what
you've been up to, Veronica.
As usual, the she-wolf
is making lemonade
out of lemons.
I don't even know
what that means, Cameron.
This casino or whatever
is obviously a distraction
till you come back to New York,
where you belong.
As usual, Cameron,
you're totally wrong
about everything.
I'm all in on the casino
and Rivervale.
Tell me straight, Ronnie.
Do you want this casino or not?
Of course I do.
Ignore Cameron. He's an idiot.
So it's just not another
stopgap till you
get your old job back?
Reggie, I did want to go back
to Wall Street initially.
But now...
I'm having a ball
doing this with you.
And I think our casino
is gonna be huge.
Everything happens
for a reason, lover.
Everything that's meant to be
finally is.
Jughead, spider!
Spider, Jughead!
No, no, no!
Jughead, Jughead, don't!
Oh, my God, Jughead.
I didn't want you to kill it!
I wanted you to put in a cup
and take it outside.
You never kill a spider.
It's bad luck.
Come on,
that's just superstition.
Maybe so, but we just
moved in together,
and I don't want anything
to jinx us.
Tabitha.
It's just an itsy-bitsy spider.
What's the worse
that's gonna happen?
It's not like we're cursed now.
And next on the agenda,
we have an update,
on the town's
reforestation plans.
Archie Andrews.
Thanks, Toni.
Yeah, basically,
we're good to go.
As you may know,
since Cheryl declared
Thornhill a sovereign state,
we've lost our local supply
of maple syrup
as well as the revenue
that the syrup was bringing in.
Aren't our trees already
tapped out anyway?
They are, Tom.
Which is why I propose
we buy and distribute
maple saplings.
One per family to be planted
in each family's yard.
My crew and I will take point
on seeding a grove
of maple trees
that the town will own.
And have we secured
the saplings?
We just got
the shipment in, Alice.
And as we discussed,
Frank and I
will be setting up
a distribution center
outside of Pop's.
Hmm.
Riveting.
You might find the discussion
underway at Thornhill,
also about maple syrup,
more interesting.
Today,
before we came upon
those intruders in my forest,
I was pointing out
our precious maple trees,
how dry and lifeless
they have become.
I believe our maple groves
have withered away because
we have forgotten the old ways.
Ah, the old ways.
Before we built our first
settlement in Rivervale,
when this area was just land
and river and rocks,
it all belonged to her.
She who walks amongst
the trees.
We worshipped her.
We gave offerings to her.
And she provided.
Maple sap, yes,
but also life
in all its beautiful,
glorious facets.
Over time,
we left the old ways behind.
We started taking
the Maple Maiden for granted,
and she, in turn, punished us.
All that was once fecund
is now barren.
We must again
pay tribute to her,
like our ancestors once did.
We must return to
the old ways, the blood ways,
the pagan ways,
and by hoof and by horn, girls,
return we shall.
But first,
we have to go
into town tomorrow.
My spies have told me
that Archie Andrews is trying
to steal my maple thunder.
And that simply will not do.
Yes, Mom. I promise.
Okay, yeah. I love you too.
All right, bye.
Hey.
How's your mom?
Honestly? Yeah, she's good.
She says hi. And, uh...
She's wondering if we've put
any more thought
into what she asked
last time she was here.
Arch.
I thought we decided
that marriage wasn't for us
because everyone we know
who's married
is either divorced or dead.
No, totally.
She was actually asking
about the other thing.
The "when am I going to have
a grandkid" thing.
And what did you say?
I told her if it were up to me,
I would want it to happen
sooner rather than later.
Mmm-hmm.
I mean, my dad was a young dad.
Arch, for the record,
I've been dreaming
about starting a family
with you since...
Mmm...
Sixth grade.
But let's just take our time.
There's no rush,
we're in our twenties.
Okay, so let's just keep
doing our thing
and let nature run its course.
Yeah.
Like right now.
Ooh!
Shades of Creepshow.
One per household,
plant them in your yard.
Make sure there's enough space
for their roots to grow wide
and deep, okay?
Well, well, well.
So it is true you are making
a play for my maple birthright
and empire.
Cheryl, you don't own
maple trees or maple syrup,
for that matter.
I believe every citizen
of Rivervale should be able
to tap their own tree.
Then I'd like
13 saplings, please.
That way we can plant them
in the Thornhill groves,
and they can grow
in the shadow
of she who walks amongst
the trees.
You seceded, remember?
These saplings are reserved
for taxpaying citizens
of Rivervale to be planted
in Rivervale.
Unless you want to rejoin
our ranks?
Rejoin Rivervale?
After you tried to erase
the sins this town
has perpetrated
against my ancestor,
Abigail Blossom?
You and I both know
there is only one way
that will ever happen.
Over your dead body.
No, Archie. Over yours.
Come along, girls.
I'm afraid, Miss Cooper,
that the test
came back conclusive.
You don't seem to be
producing any viable eggs.
It will be difficult for you
to conceive a child.
Oh, my God.
If it's any consolation,
you're not alone
in this dilemma.
No, actually,
it's not a consolation,
but what are you talking about?
You're the fifth young,
healthy woman to come see me
who is essentially
barren.
Look.
I know if we pick up
Baby Anthony,
it'll validate his crying.
But this is torture.
I was talking to my grandma
about Anthony's colic.
She said back in the day,
serpent mothers would leave
their crying babies
on tree stumps
in Fox Forest overnight.
They just left their babies
in the woods?
Yes.
And when the mothers
went back in the morning,
the babies were sleeping
peacefully.
They'd cried the colic out.
There's no way a serpent mother
would abandon her baby
like that.
Well, apparently,
my mom did it to me.
It worked.
Leaving Baby Anthony
in the woods
would toughen him up.
Just like his mama.
Reginald.
Will you come with me, please?
Surprise!
In case you're worried
that I don't appreciate you,
here is cold, hard proof
that I do value you.
Your bonus, sir.
And not only that,
there's one thing
I fantasized about doing,
but never have.
I've always wanted to make it
on a bed full of money.
Bratwurst was delicious
as usual, Alice.
Thank you, Frank.
It's one of my go-to recipes.
Well, I should probably
head back home.
Archie and I have a big day
of planting tomorrow.
Frank.
It's the same thing every time.
I make you a delicious meal,
and you sprint for the door.
So I'm going to make this
plain as day for you.
I like you, Frank Andrews.
I find you very attractive.
And I would like for you
to stay the night with me.
In my bed.
Wow, I am
very flattered, Alice.
You're such a beautiful woman.
But I just...
You just what?
I just, um...
can't go there.
Wow. I don't believe it.
When will I ever learn?
I fall for the strong,
silent type every time.
I've been thinking.
What if we adopted a baby?
Betty.
My dad always used to tell me
that the most fulfilling thing
that he ever did
was become a father.
And I want to do that with you,
every step of the process.
Arch.
You need to believe me
when I tell you...
there's nothing more
that I want
than to have your baby.
Not just for you, but for me.
I love you
so much.
I want to create a life
with you.
I want to be the mother
of your child,
our child.
Then you will.
It'll happen.
Bon soir,Antoinette.
Cheryl,
what are you doing here?
Just taking in some night air.
What are you doing
with that little bundle
of babe?
It's a long story. I'm just
trying to cure his colic.
I see.
May I?
Okay.
How did you do that?
It must be the calming perfume
I concocted in my greenhouse.
The ingredients of which
I could mix into a more
permanent solution
for his colic.
But then you must help me
embrace Rivervale's
oldest of old things.
Fine. Just tell me what to do.
Not much.
I just need you to bear
witness and then,
per tradition,
everything will be
as it should.
Hey, hey, hey.
What's going on?
Do you not feel them?
Feel what?
Something is biting me.
You seriously not feel like
you're being eaten alive?
No.
I'm not seeing any
critters in the bed.
Or on us.
Hey.
I was having a nightmare
about spiders.
And then it felt like
the spiders were biting me.
Okay, well that's what it is.
You're just having a dream.
There's no spiders.
These sheets are fresh.
I just got them brand new.
You're okay. You're okay.
Come here.
Jug, don't think I'm crazy,
but can you check out...
Oh, my God! Your back.
Your back is covered
in welts, bites.
Same as my arms and legs.
I was literally just about
to ask you to check them out.
I told you we were being
eaten alive,
probably by bedbugs.
Well, we checked the sheets--
Okay, well, then it's scabies,
which you can't see
with the naked eye,
but they are vicious
blood suckers.
Okay, we'll wash the sheets
with hot water and bleach.
Are you kidding?
That's not gonna do anything.
We're infested.
I'm calling an exterminator.
Ugh.
All right.
It's time for arts and crafts.
Take some twine and fabric
from the basket
and pass it along.
Today we are making poppets
to honor the Maple Maiden.
Are the poppets to play with?
No, Britta. They serve
a myriad of purposes,
but these ones
will be a warning.
What in the hell?
This is Cheryl, 101.
It's got to be.
Let's dig these things
out and make room
for the saplings.
You sure you want
to do that, Arch?
Positive.
Double time, boys.
Hey.
How'd the planting go?
I know that look.
What's wrong?
Cheryl.
She impaled these dolls
all over the forest
where we were going to
plant our saplings.
She did? Why?
To spook my crew.
Which she did, by the way.
They were anxious all day long.
That's so bizarre.
I feel like I've seen
one of these before.
Where?
I've been sorting through
old evidence boxes
at the FBI office,
and I feel like there was
a cold case with totems
like this one.
Can I borrow this?
Knock yourself out.
Okay.
See you later.
Well, Reginald,
what do you think?
These are
the finalized blueprints
for our casino.
Exquisite, no?
And the best part is
you and I are going to christen
every square inch
of this place.
Well, that's a first.
Question for you, Ronnie.
If the casino was my idea,
which it was,
and we'd be equal partners,
then how come you forgot
to give me an office?
Shoot.
That's a good question, um...
You know,
let me just call the architect
and I'll have them
redraw the plans.
It won't be an issue.
Too late.
A picture's worth
a thousand words, Ronnie.
Kev, what's up?
I came back
to the forest
because I forgot my shovel
and the saplings...
Archie...
What about them?
Someone ripped them out
of the ground.
They're all destroyed.
What do you think
you're doing, Cheryl?
Archie, calm down.
I know you and your girls
left those dolls
for us to find.
And did you rip up
our saplings too?
Why would I,
keeper of the Maple Flame,
murder innocent,
nascent maple saplings?
Because you can't stand
the fact there might one day
be a time
when Rivervale isn't dependent
on your family for maple syrup.
You're out of line, Archie.
If I may enlighten you,
I requested this
audience of the four
to offer an olive branch,
specifically to invite
the entire town of Rivervale
to Thornhill
for a good old-fashioned
maple festival.
And just so you know,
Archie, we, the council
have accepted
Cheryl's invitation
on behalf of the entire town.
We'll all be there.
RB.
Rose Blossom.
Cousin.
How for did you get
into my house?
A bobby pin.
But I'm actually here
on official FBI business
regarding that deer
you killed in the woods.
Really, you and Archie
are just too much.
I mean, I get it.
I'd be obsessed with me too.
But what makes you think
I had a hand
in that dreadful business?
So, let me put it this way.
That deer was not the first
blood sacrifice
on Thornhill's grounds
because 50 years ago,
a drifter was murdered
on your property.
Heart ripped out
and poppet shoved down
their throat.
What do you want, Betty, hmm?
Because I have a maple
harvest festival to plan.
So can we
cut to the heart of it?
You really didn't have
to walk me home, Frank.
I was hoping
that maybe we could talk.
What is there left to say?
How about...
you're not the problem, Alice,
I am.
Years ago,
when I was a mercenary,
I was married.
No one knew.
Not even Fred or Archie.
Because if anyone found out,
it would put my wife
and my daughter at risk.
And then, of course, um...
My wife and my daughter
ended up, um...
Oh, I'm so sorry, Frank.
Alice.
I want to open myself up
to those feelings again.
I just don't know
if I'm ready yet.
And I'm sorry.
That's okay, Frank.
I understand.
But maybe...
Maybe we can go
to the maple festival together.
Maybe that'll be okay.
Here you are.
Straight off the griddle.
Delicious, fluffy
pancakes to go.
Just what I needed
for my festival's pancake
eating contest.
But what are these welts
on your arm?
And sleepless eyes to boot?
Tell me, what demons
torment you, Tabitha?
Turns out our apartment
is riddled with bugs
and Jughead and I
are being eaten alive
and we can't afford to move.
And even if we could,
I mean, who's to say
the bugs won't follow us,
now that they're
literally in everything?
Tabitha,
methinks I can help
with an ancient
cleansing formula
I could prepare for you
that will take care of
any and all bugs
and curses.
But said formula
does come with a price.
What doesn't?
I'll pay anything.
If that's true,
I'm going to need
your full participation
in all
my maple festival's events.
But not just yours.
Jughead's too.
If we want our
collective fortunes
to turn around for the better,
we all need to be
united on this.
Pay close attention, girls,
for this is
a special confection
based on an old family recipe.
Back in the early days,
the village priestess
used to bake a sin pie.
It was meant to contain
the sins of the entire town,
and once it was consumed,
the sins would be absolved
and the town
and her folk would prosper.
Consumed?
By who?
Someone chosen.
Someone special
and strong enough
to shoulder the weight
of the sins of an entire town.
So I was at the FBI office
researching this poppet doll
that you gave me.
And then I paid Cheryl a visit,
and she is definitely
up to something.
I just don't know what.
Well, I'll tell you.
For starters,
she invited the whole town
to a maple harvest festival
at Thornhill.
And, shockingly,
everyone wants to go.
I don't get it, Betty.
Is the world crazy
or am I?
No, you're not.
Uh, something evil
is definitely happening
at Thornhill,
with that deer sacrifice,
these little pagan dolls
and maybe even
a cold case murder.
But when I tried to confront
Cheryl about it,
she gave me
the total runaround.
But she's planning something.
Thank you.
That is why the festival
is a hard pass for me.
Oh, we're going, because
while Cheryl is outside
playing hostess of the year,
I'll be inside Thornhill
doing some
good old-fashioned snooping.
And then we can finally
get to the bottom
of what's happening
in that
pastoral house of horrors.
Hey, get away from me.
Hey, guys.
Hey, Fangs, Toni.
How is this little
cutie patootie doing?
A lot better, actually.
He's had colic,
but it's cleared up.
That's good.
Did you guys get help
from Doc Curdle?
We found our own remedy.
Anyway, um,
we're going to go
milk the goat.
But it was so nice
seeing you guys.
Yeah, you too.
Good luck today, Archie.
Good luck?
What does that mean?
Who knows?
But seeing Baby Anthony
just makes me
that much more excited
to make one of our own.
I see you and Reggie
arrived together.
So which ship name
do you prefer?
Veggie? Veginald?
I would hold off
on trademarking
either of those, Cheryl.
What?
No, don't tell me
something already happened.
No, no, we haven't
broken up... yet.
But all of his old insecurities
started rearing
their ugly heads again.
Pretty soon he'll be
comparing himself to Archie,
despite all my reassurances.
If you want to make it
crystal clear to Reginald
that you're no longer
carrying a torch for your ex,
I may have an idea.
Hey, Archie.
Hey, I need you.
Tabitha has been
flipping flapjacks for, like,
18 hours.
And now no one wants
to go against me
in the pancake eating
competition, so...
Well, come on.
Starts in, like, five minutes.
No, this is good.
If you're competing,
then all eyes will be on you,
including Cheryl's.
I'm going to sneak off
and do some sleuthing
while you
keep Cheryl distracted.
And... time!
What's the final count?
Right, by my tally,
Jughead Jones, 116 pancakes!
Whoo!
And Archie Andrews, 119!
We have a winner.
You're like a brother to me.
I love you.
You know that, right?
Yeah. I love you back, Jug.
Cheryl, you actually think
it's possible?
If you two want
a path forward together,
unencumbered by the past,
then, yes,
I believe this is the way.
Perhaps the only way.
Ah, perfection.
Just in time
for our next challenge.
Let's go!
And the winner is
Archie Andrews!
Hey.
What the hell was that?
Me losing to Archie, again.
You were supposed to lose.
But, after tonight,
you won't have to worry
about playing second fiddle
to Archie ever again.
Okay?
I promise.
Well, according to my sundial,
it's time for sudden death.
Who here is brave enough
to challenge Archie Andrews
for the crown of Maple King
or Maple Queen?
I am.
Oh, j'adorea good plot twist.
Step right up, cousin.
Fittingly, it all comes down
to the most primal
of conflicts.
Man versus woman,
the all-American boy
versus the girl next door.
I'm giving myself chills.
Hi.
I thought you were sleuthing.
Yeah, I was.
And I found something big.
I'll tell you about it
when we get out.
All right.
The rules are simple.
You each get one throw.
Closest to the bull's-eye
wins it all.
The title, the crown,
everything.
Wait, wait,
I thought I won
the last two rounds.
Don't question
my authority, Archie.
For that, you're up first.
Feel free
to bow out now, Betty.
Wow!
Oh, my God!
I give you
our Maple Harvest Queen.
Wow!
And for our runner-up...
a pie.
Whoo!
Wait, you didn't tell me.
What did you find out
at Thornhill?
Oh, there's some definite
weirdness going on there.
Like those poppets?
They're actually
fertility dolls.
What? Really?
Mmm-hmm.
So, why don't we put
this little sucker
under our mattress tonight
and try to make a baby.
After you have some pie.
Can we skip the pie?
No.
My Maple King is going
to need all of the energy
he can muster up
for what I have planned.
Well, when
you put it like that.
Betty?
Archie, it's me.
They, they have Betty.
Kevin?
Kevin, what do you mean,
"They have Betty?"
Who's they?
Cheryl, some of the others,
they're, they're performing
some kind of
crazy maple ritual
at Thornhill.
You need to hurry.
Stop!
Don't hurt her.
Archie, welcome.
We've been expecting you.
What is this?
A ritual.
For me and for all of us here,
something has been made
abundantly clear.
If we want our maple trees
to thrive again,
if we want Rivervale to have
a bountiful year
in all respects,
a sacrifice has to be made.
But the right
kind of sacrifice.
Cheryl, this is insane.
I won't let you
sacrifice Betty.
Archie.
Something amazing happened.
I'm with child.
Earlier tonight we conceived.
A baby, a son.
I know it,
I can feel it in my bones.
It's what I've always wanted.
And in 25 years,
he'll be crowned
the Maple King
just like his father.
Betty...
what are you saying?
What she's saying is that
women can't be sacrifices.
Women must bear children.
But men...
Their blood is the seed.
Their blood is what nourishes
the ground and the furrows.
Their blood is what will bring
Rivervale back to its glory.
And the most potent kind
of blood is that of a--
Cheryl, I'm not a virgin.
No, you're certainly not.
But you have the distinction
of being our town's one
true, pure heart.
We needed a king
who was willing to die
for his queen.
Only he would be worthy.
Jug.
Uncle Frank,
you're in on this too?
Archie, you spent
your entire life trying to
preserve and save this town.
Tonight you will succeed
in doing exactly that.
You will be a martyr
to your cause.
But--
Betty.
He's awake, Cheryl, do it now.
She who walks
amongst the trees,
accept our sacrifice
and be appeased.
So ends the heroic life
of Archie Andrews.
Born 25 years ago
in the sleepy town
of Riverdale,
died tonight,
in its shadow town, Rivervale.
Now, I hope you've been
enjoying your visit so far
because no one
is going anywhere.
We're just getting started.
at the borderlands.
A place of nightmares
and dreamscapes.
A place where folklore and myth
carry the weight of fact
and truth.
A place where superstition
and their laws
overshadow the laws of science,
and a place where
old traditions die hard,
if they die at all.
The name of this place
is Rivervale.
And though it might
seem familiar to you,
like a town you visited before,
I can assure you,
it is not that same town.
Don't worry,
I'll show you around.
First stop,
Toni and Fangs' apartment,
portrait of a couple
in distress.
Baby Anthony finally
fell asleep?
More like he passed out
from exhaustion.
He can't keep going
like this, Fangs.
He's literally crying 24/7.
Something's wrong.
We'll call Doc Curdle,
get Anthony an appointment.
It's gonna be okay, I promise.
Ah...
There she is,
Miss Tabitha Tate.
And that is
our real estate agent.
And if I'm not mistaken,
those are our...
Here are your keys.
Thank you, Ms. Gordon.
We are so excited.
Uh-huh.
So, is this your first time
living with a beau?
Actually, yes.
I've never taken
that step before.
I have always been too guarded,
I guess.
Too nervous.
Of course.
This day and age,
you can't be too careful.
Let's check in with Rivervale's
premier power couple,
Reggie Mantle
and Veronica Lodge.
I'm sorry, Mr. Banks,
but if you hesitate,
I can't guarantee
this opportunity
will be here tomorrow.
You'd be getting in
on the ground floor
of a gold mine, Mr. Lance.
Yes, that is correct.
A casino right here
in Rivervale.
Exhausting, aren't they?
Let's head over to Elm Street.
The Cooper house,
where Alice is doing
a lot better,
but her appliances,
not so much.
Well...
that should clear that up.
What was it, Frank?
More chicken bones?
No, not this time.
It was a, um,
dish rag.
Hey, I have quiche in the oven.
Would you stay for breakfast?
Tempting,
but let's go next door.
Where my old chum
Archie Andrews
is living with my ex-girlfriend
Betty Cooper.
Let that one sink in
for a minute.
And while we're all
good friends, I should probably
end the tour here
and leave whatever is happening
upstairs to your imaginations.
-Arch.
You okay?
Was it another nightmare?
Yeah. Sorry I woke you.
No, it's okay.
Was it a bad one?
It was surreal.
We were talking up here
in my room,
and we heard this
ticking noise.
Mmm-hmm.
It was a bomb under the bed.
Oh, my God. That's awful.
Yeah, the weirdest part,
we were living in a town
called Riverdale.
Riverdale with a "D."
Yeah.
Okay. No more Twilight Zone
marathons before bed, okay?
Let's make all those bad dreams
go away with some
early morning delight.
Kev, what's going on?
Where are you?
I was jogging when I found it.
Whoa.
The way the deer's
laid out looks...
ritualistic,
like it was sacrificed.
And its blood was used
to draw these runic symbols
all over the stone.
Who would do that?
I don't know,
but whoever did
took the deer's heart.
Okay, uh, never gonna
jog here again.
Nor should you, interloper.
You merry three are trespassing
on the sacred sovereign nation
of Thornhill.
Be gone from
its borders immediately,
or else my pupils
will shoot you full of arrows.
Like who, girls?
St. Sebastian.
Mistress Blossom.
Cheryl, this is a crime scene
so I need to collect
all of the evidence,
including the deer.
You will do
nothing of the sort.
My girls and I will assume
possession of that carcass.
To do what?
We will make a stew
from its meat,
a pelt from its hide
and a paste from its hooves.
That's a little barbaric.
No, you sad, simple, she-child.
It's a part of a sacred circle
of life and death,
of use, reuse and rebirth,
of paying respect
to what the Earth gives us,
all of what she gives us.
Now leave my land, heathens.
Girls.
Toodles.
I'm afraid Baby Anthony
has colic.
Colic?
It's quite common
and can last indefinitely.
There might be gas
in his intestines
causing the discomfort--
What can we do, Doc?
Because he's crying 24/7.
It's agony for all of us.
I do know
of an old folk remedy.
I'd like to put this toad
in Baby Anthony's mouth.
It'll suck the colic
right out of him,
absorb it.
No more crying.
I'm sorry,
but there's no chance in hell
I'm letting you put
a frickin' frog
in my baby's mouth.
In that case, the only other
recommendation I can make
is ear plugs.
How many more boxes
of comic books do you have?
Oh, it's just a fraction.
The rest is still in storage.
You know, to be honest
with you, Jug,
I didn't know
you were that into comics.
Well, what can I say, Archie?
I contain multitudes.
Come on.
I really appreciate
your help, Betty.
I hope you don't feel weird
being here.
No, not at all.
Honestly, I'm very happy
that you and Jughead are taking
this step together.
Meanwhile,
what about you and Archie?
Are you all in?
It's really weird, Tabitha.
Back in high school,
one of the biggest questions
in my life was...
"Am I going to end up
with Archie or Jughead?"
And now it seems like we have
a definitive answer.
Today's your lucky day,
Cameron.
I'm wondering if you
or any of your boys want
to invest in a boutique casino
a colleague and I
are opening up in Rivervale.
So this is what
you've been up to, Veronica.
As usual, the she-wolf
is making lemonade
out of lemons.
I don't even know
what that means, Cameron.
This casino or whatever
is obviously a distraction
till you come back to New York,
where you belong.
As usual, Cameron,
you're totally wrong
about everything.
I'm all in on the casino
and Rivervale.
Tell me straight, Ronnie.
Do you want this casino or not?
Of course I do.
Ignore Cameron. He's an idiot.
So it's just not another
stopgap till you
get your old job back?
Reggie, I did want to go back
to Wall Street initially.
But now...
I'm having a ball
doing this with you.
And I think our casino
is gonna be huge.
Everything happens
for a reason, lover.
Everything that's meant to be
finally is.
Jughead, spider!
Spider, Jughead!
No, no, no!
Jughead, Jughead, don't!
Oh, my God, Jughead.
I didn't want you to kill it!
I wanted you to put in a cup
and take it outside.
You never kill a spider.
It's bad luck.
Come on,
that's just superstition.
Maybe so, but we just
moved in together,
and I don't want anything
to jinx us.
Tabitha.
It's just an itsy-bitsy spider.
What's the worse
that's gonna happen?
It's not like we're cursed now.
And next on the agenda,
we have an update,
on the town's
reforestation plans.
Archie Andrews.
Thanks, Toni.
Yeah, basically,
we're good to go.
As you may know,
since Cheryl declared
Thornhill a sovereign state,
we've lost our local supply
of maple syrup
as well as the revenue
that the syrup was bringing in.
Aren't our trees already
tapped out anyway?
They are, Tom.
Which is why I propose
we buy and distribute
maple saplings.
One per family to be planted
in each family's yard.
My crew and I will take point
on seeding a grove
of maple trees
that the town will own.
And have we secured
the saplings?
We just got
the shipment in, Alice.
And as we discussed,
Frank and I
will be setting up
a distribution center
outside of Pop's.
Hmm.
Riveting.
You might find the discussion
underway at Thornhill,
also about maple syrup,
more interesting.
Today,
before we came upon
those intruders in my forest,
I was pointing out
our precious maple trees,
how dry and lifeless
they have become.
I believe our maple groves
have withered away because
we have forgotten the old ways.
Ah, the old ways.
Before we built our first
settlement in Rivervale,
when this area was just land
and river and rocks,
it all belonged to her.
She who walks amongst
the trees.
We worshipped her.
We gave offerings to her.
And she provided.
Maple sap, yes,
but also life
in all its beautiful,
glorious facets.
Over time,
we left the old ways behind.
We started taking
the Maple Maiden for granted,
and she, in turn, punished us.
All that was once fecund
is now barren.
We must again
pay tribute to her,
like our ancestors once did.
We must return to
the old ways, the blood ways,
the pagan ways,
and by hoof and by horn, girls,
return we shall.
But first,
we have to go
into town tomorrow.
My spies have told me
that Archie Andrews is trying
to steal my maple thunder.
And that simply will not do.
Yes, Mom. I promise.
Okay, yeah. I love you too.
All right, bye.
Hey.
How's your mom?
Honestly? Yeah, she's good.
She says hi. And, uh...
She's wondering if we've put
any more thought
into what she asked
last time she was here.
Arch.
I thought we decided
that marriage wasn't for us
because everyone we know
who's married
is either divorced or dead.
No, totally.
She was actually asking
about the other thing.
The "when am I going to have
a grandkid" thing.
And what did you say?
I told her if it were up to me,
I would want it to happen
sooner rather than later.
Mmm-hmm.
I mean, my dad was a young dad.
Arch, for the record,
I've been dreaming
about starting a family
with you since...
Mmm...
Sixth grade.
But let's just take our time.
There's no rush,
we're in our twenties.
Okay, so let's just keep
doing our thing
and let nature run its course.
Yeah.
Like right now.
Ooh!
Shades of Creepshow.
One per household,
plant them in your yard.
Make sure there's enough space
for their roots to grow wide
and deep, okay?
Well, well, well.
So it is true you are making
a play for my maple birthright
and empire.
Cheryl, you don't own
maple trees or maple syrup,
for that matter.
I believe every citizen
of Rivervale should be able
to tap their own tree.
Then I'd like
13 saplings, please.
That way we can plant them
in the Thornhill groves,
and they can grow
in the shadow
of she who walks amongst
the trees.
You seceded, remember?
These saplings are reserved
for taxpaying citizens
of Rivervale to be planted
in Rivervale.
Unless you want to rejoin
our ranks?
Rejoin Rivervale?
After you tried to erase
the sins this town
has perpetrated
against my ancestor,
Abigail Blossom?
You and I both know
there is only one way
that will ever happen.
Over your dead body.
No, Archie. Over yours.
Come along, girls.
I'm afraid, Miss Cooper,
that the test
came back conclusive.
You don't seem to be
producing any viable eggs.
It will be difficult for you
to conceive a child.
Oh, my God.
If it's any consolation,
you're not alone
in this dilemma.
No, actually,
it's not a consolation,
but what are you talking about?
You're the fifth young,
healthy woman to come see me
who is essentially
barren.
Look.
I know if we pick up
Baby Anthony,
it'll validate his crying.
But this is torture.
I was talking to my grandma
about Anthony's colic.
She said back in the day,
serpent mothers would leave
their crying babies
on tree stumps
in Fox Forest overnight.
They just left their babies
in the woods?
Yes.
And when the mothers
went back in the morning,
the babies were sleeping
peacefully.
They'd cried the colic out.
There's no way a serpent mother
would abandon her baby
like that.
Well, apparently,
my mom did it to me.
It worked.
Leaving Baby Anthony
in the woods
would toughen him up.
Just like his mama.
Reginald.
Will you come with me, please?
Surprise!
In case you're worried
that I don't appreciate you,
here is cold, hard proof
that I do value you.
Your bonus, sir.
And not only that,
there's one thing
I fantasized about doing,
but never have.
I've always wanted to make it
on a bed full of money.
Bratwurst was delicious
as usual, Alice.
Thank you, Frank.
It's one of my go-to recipes.
Well, I should probably
head back home.
Archie and I have a big day
of planting tomorrow.
Frank.
It's the same thing every time.
I make you a delicious meal,
and you sprint for the door.
So I'm going to make this
plain as day for you.
I like you, Frank Andrews.
I find you very attractive.
And I would like for you
to stay the night with me.
In my bed.
Wow, I am
very flattered, Alice.
You're such a beautiful woman.
But I just...
You just what?
I just, um...
can't go there.
Wow. I don't believe it.
When will I ever learn?
I fall for the strong,
silent type every time.
I've been thinking.
What if we adopted a baby?
Betty.
My dad always used to tell me
that the most fulfilling thing
that he ever did
was become a father.
And I want to do that with you,
every step of the process.
Arch.
You need to believe me
when I tell you...
there's nothing more
that I want
than to have your baby.
Not just for you, but for me.
I love you
so much.
I want to create a life
with you.
I want to be the mother
of your child,
our child.
Then you will.
It'll happen.
Bon soir,Antoinette.
Cheryl,
what are you doing here?
Just taking in some night air.
What are you doing
with that little bundle
of babe?
It's a long story. I'm just
trying to cure his colic.
I see.
May I?
Okay.
How did you do that?
It must be the calming perfume
I concocted in my greenhouse.
The ingredients of which
I could mix into a more
permanent solution
for his colic.
But then you must help me
embrace Rivervale's
oldest of old things.
Fine. Just tell me what to do.
Not much.
I just need you to bear
witness and then,
per tradition,
everything will be
as it should.
Hey, hey, hey.
What's going on?
Do you not feel them?
Feel what?
Something is biting me.
You seriously not feel like
you're being eaten alive?
No.
I'm not seeing any
critters in the bed.
Or on us.
Hey.
I was having a nightmare
about spiders.
And then it felt like
the spiders were biting me.
Okay, well that's what it is.
You're just having a dream.
There's no spiders.
These sheets are fresh.
I just got them brand new.
You're okay. You're okay.
Come here.
Jug, don't think I'm crazy,
but can you check out...
Oh, my God! Your back.
Your back is covered
in welts, bites.
Same as my arms and legs.
I was literally just about
to ask you to check them out.
I told you we were being
eaten alive,
probably by bedbugs.
Well, we checked the sheets--
Okay, well, then it's scabies,
which you can't see
with the naked eye,
but they are vicious
blood suckers.
Okay, we'll wash the sheets
with hot water and bleach.
Are you kidding?
That's not gonna do anything.
We're infested.
I'm calling an exterminator.
Ugh.
All right.
It's time for arts and crafts.
Take some twine and fabric
from the basket
and pass it along.
Today we are making poppets
to honor the Maple Maiden.
Are the poppets to play with?
No, Britta. They serve
a myriad of purposes,
but these ones
will be a warning.
What in the hell?
This is Cheryl, 101.
It's got to be.
Let's dig these things
out and make room
for the saplings.
You sure you want
to do that, Arch?
Positive.
Double time, boys.
Hey.
How'd the planting go?
I know that look.
What's wrong?
Cheryl.
She impaled these dolls
all over the forest
where we were going to
plant our saplings.
She did? Why?
To spook my crew.
Which she did, by the way.
They were anxious all day long.
That's so bizarre.
I feel like I've seen
one of these before.
Where?
I've been sorting through
old evidence boxes
at the FBI office,
and I feel like there was
a cold case with totems
like this one.
Can I borrow this?
Knock yourself out.
Okay.
See you later.
Well, Reginald,
what do you think?
These are
the finalized blueprints
for our casino.
Exquisite, no?
And the best part is
you and I are going to christen
every square inch
of this place.
Well, that's a first.
Question for you, Ronnie.
If the casino was my idea,
which it was,
and we'd be equal partners,
then how come you forgot
to give me an office?
Shoot.
That's a good question, um...
You know,
let me just call the architect
and I'll have them
redraw the plans.
It won't be an issue.
Too late.
A picture's worth
a thousand words, Ronnie.
Kev, what's up?
I came back
to the forest
because I forgot my shovel
and the saplings...
Archie...
What about them?
Someone ripped them out
of the ground.
They're all destroyed.
What do you think
you're doing, Cheryl?
Archie, calm down.
I know you and your girls
left those dolls
for us to find.
And did you rip up
our saplings too?
Why would I,
keeper of the Maple Flame,
murder innocent,
nascent maple saplings?
Because you can't stand
the fact there might one day
be a time
when Rivervale isn't dependent
on your family for maple syrup.
You're out of line, Archie.
If I may enlighten you,
I requested this
audience of the four
to offer an olive branch,
specifically to invite
the entire town of Rivervale
to Thornhill
for a good old-fashioned
maple festival.
And just so you know,
Archie, we, the council
have accepted
Cheryl's invitation
on behalf of the entire town.
We'll all be there.
RB.
Rose Blossom.
Cousin.
How for did you get
into my house?
A bobby pin.
But I'm actually here
on official FBI business
regarding that deer
you killed in the woods.
Really, you and Archie
are just too much.
I mean, I get it.
I'd be obsessed with me too.
But what makes you think
I had a hand
in that dreadful business?
So, let me put it this way.
That deer was not the first
blood sacrifice
on Thornhill's grounds
because 50 years ago,
a drifter was murdered
on your property.
Heart ripped out
and poppet shoved down
their throat.
What do you want, Betty, hmm?
Because I have a maple
harvest festival to plan.
So can we
cut to the heart of it?
You really didn't have
to walk me home, Frank.
I was hoping
that maybe we could talk.
What is there left to say?
How about...
you're not the problem, Alice,
I am.
Years ago,
when I was a mercenary,
I was married.
No one knew.
Not even Fred or Archie.
Because if anyone found out,
it would put my wife
and my daughter at risk.
And then, of course, um...
My wife and my daughter
ended up, um...
Oh, I'm so sorry, Frank.
Alice.
I want to open myself up
to those feelings again.
I just don't know
if I'm ready yet.
And I'm sorry.
That's okay, Frank.
I understand.
But maybe...
Maybe we can go
to the maple festival together.
Maybe that'll be okay.
Here you are.
Straight off the griddle.
Delicious, fluffy
pancakes to go.
Just what I needed
for my festival's pancake
eating contest.
But what are these welts
on your arm?
And sleepless eyes to boot?
Tell me, what demons
torment you, Tabitha?
Turns out our apartment
is riddled with bugs
and Jughead and I
are being eaten alive
and we can't afford to move.
And even if we could,
I mean, who's to say
the bugs won't follow us,
now that they're
literally in everything?
Tabitha,
methinks I can help
with an ancient
cleansing formula
I could prepare for you
that will take care of
any and all bugs
and curses.
But said formula
does come with a price.
What doesn't?
I'll pay anything.
If that's true,
I'm going to need
your full participation
in all
my maple festival's events.
But not just yours.
Jughead's too.
If we want our
collective fortunes
to turn around for the better,
we all need to be
united on this.
Pay close attention, girls,
for this is
a special confection
based on an old family recipe.
Back in the early days,
the village priestess
used to bake a sin pie.
It was meant to contain
the sins of the entire town,
and once it was consumed,
the sins would be absolved
and the town
and her folk would prosper.
Consumed?
By who?
Someone chosen.
Someone special
and strong enough
to shoulder the weight
of the sins of an entire town.
So I was at the FBI office
researching this poppet doll
that you gave me.
And then I paid Cheryl a visit,
and she is definitely
up to something.
I just don't know what.
Well, I'll tell you.
For starters,
she invited the whole town
to a maple harvest festival
at Thornhill.
And, shockingly,
everyone wants to go.
I don't get it, Betty.
Is the world crazy
or am I?
No, you're not.
Uh, something evil
is definitely happening
at Thornhill,
with that deer sacrifice,
these little pagan dolls
and maybe even
a cold case murder.
But when I tried to confront
Cheryl about it,
she gave me
the total runaround.
But she's planning something.
Thank you.
That is why the festival
is a hard pass for me.
Oh, we're going, because
while Cheryl is outside
playing hostess of the year,
I'll be inside Thornhill
doing some
good old-fashioned snooping.
And then we can finally
get to the bottom
of what's happening
in that
pastoral house of horrors.
Hey, get away from me.
Hey, guys.
Hey, Fangs, Toni.
How is this little
cutie patootie doing?
A lot better, actually.
He's had colic,
but it's cleared up.
That's good.
Did you guys get help
from Doc Curdle?
We found our own remedy.
Anyway, um,
we're going to go
milk the goat.
But it was so nice
seeing you guys.
Yeah, you too.
Good luck today, Archie.
Good luck?
What does that mean?
Who knows?
But seeing Baby Anthony
just makes me
that much more excited
to make one of our own.
I see you and Reggie
arrived together.
So which ship name
do you prefer?
Veggie? Veginald?
I would hold off
on trademarking
either of those, Cheryl.
What?
No, don't tell me
something already happened.
No, no, we haven't
broken up... yet.
But all of his old insecurities
started rearing
their ugly heads again.
Pretty soon he'll be
comparing himself to Archie,
despite all my reassurances.
If you want to make it
crystal clear to Reginald
that you're no longer
carrying a torch for your ex,
I may have an idea.
Hey, Archie.
Hey, I need you.
Tabitha has been
flipping flapjacks for, like,
18 hours.
And now no one wants
to go against me
in the pancake eating
competition, so...
Well, come on.
Starts in, like, five minutes.
No, this is good.
If you're competing,
then all eyes will be on you,
including Cheryl's.
I'm going to sneak off
and do some sleuthing
while you
keep Cheryl distracted.
And... time!
What's the final count?
Right, by my tally,
Jughead Jones, 116 pancakes!
Whoo!
And Archie Andrews, 119!
We have a winner.
You're like a brother to me.
I love you.
You know that, right?
Yeah. I love you back, Jug.
Cheryl, you actually think
it's possible?
If you two want
a path forward together,
unencumbered by the past,
then, yes,
I believe this is the way.
Perhaps the only way.
Ah, perfection.
Just in time
for our next challenge.
Let's go!
And the winner is
Archie Andrews!
Hey.
What the hell was that?
Me losing to Archie, again.
You were supposed to lose.
But, after tonight,
you won't have to worry
about playing second fiddle
to Archie ever again.
Okay?
I promise.
Well, according to my sundial,
it's time for sudden death.
Who here is brave enough
to challenge Archie Andrews
for the crown of Maple King
or Maple Queen?
I am.
Oh, j'adorea good plot twist.
Step right up, cousin.
Fittingly, it all comes down
to the most primal
of conflicts.
Man versus woman,
the all-American boy
versus the girl next door.
I'm giving myself chills.
Hi.
I thought you were sleuthing.
Yeah, I was.
And I found something big.
I'll tell you about it
when we get out.
All right.
The rules are simple.
You each get one throw.
Closest to the bull's-eye
wins it all.
The title, the crown,
everything.
Wait, wait,
I thought I won
the last two rounds.
Don't question
my authority, Archie.
For that, you're up first.
Feel free
to bow out now, Betty.
Wow!
Oh, my God!
I give you
our Maple Harvest Queen.
Wow!
And for our runner-up...
a pie.
Whoo!
Wait, you didn't tell me.
What did you find out
at Thornhill?
Oh, there's some definite
weirdness going on there.
Like those poppets?
They're actually
fertility dolls.
What? Really?
Mmm-hmm.
So, why don't we put
this little sucker
under our mattress tonight
and try to make a baby.
After you have some pie.
Can we skip the pie?
No.
My Maple King is going
to need all of the energy
he can muster up
for what I have planned.
Well, when
you put it like that.
Betty?
Archie, it's me.
They, they have Betty.
Kevin?
Kevin, what do you mean,
"They have Betty?"
Who's they?
Cheryl, some of the others,
they're, they're performing
some kind of
crazy maple ritual
at Thornhill.
You need to hurry.
Stop!
Don't hurt her.
Archie, welcome.
We've been expecting you.
What is this?
A ritual.
For me and for all of us here,
something has been made
abundantly clear.
If we want our maple trees
to thrive again,
if we want Rivervale to have
a bountiful year
in all respects,
a sacrifice has to be made.
But the right
kind of sacrifice.
Cheryl, this is insane.
I won't let you
sacrifice Betty.
Archie.
Something amazing happened.
I'm with child.
Earlier tonight we conceived.
A baby, a son.
I know it,
I can feel it in my bones.
It's what I've always wanted.
And in 25 years,
he'll be crowned
the Maple King
just like his father.
Betty...
what are you saying?
What she's saying is that
women can't be sacrifices.
Women must bear children.
But men...
Their blood is the seed.
Their blood is what nourishes
the ground and the furrows.
Their blood is what will bring
Rivervale back to its glory.
And the most potent kind
of blood is that of a--
Cheryl, I'm not a virgin.
No, you're certainly not.
But you have the distinction
of being our town's one
true, pure heart.
We needed a king
who was willing to die
for his queen.
Only he would be worthy.
Jug.
Uncle Frank,
you're in on this too?
Archie, you spent
your entire life trying to
preserve and save this town.
Tonight you will succeed
in doing exactly that.
You will be a martyr
to your cause.
But--
Betty.
He's awake, Cheryl, do it now.
She who walks
amongst the trees,
accept our sacrifice
and be appeased.
So ends the heroic life
of Archie Andrews.
Born 25 years ago
in the sleepy town
of Riverdale,
died tonight,
in its shadow town, Rivervale.
Now, I hope you've been
enjoying your visit so far
because no one
is going anywhere.
We're just getting started.