Rick and Morty (2013–…): Season 6, Episode 7 - Full Meta Jackrick - full transcript
Previously, on
"Rick and Morty"...
Jerry, I had sex
with your wife.
Ohhh!
I did it!
I fixed portal travel!
Jack the Ripper,
at your service.
Cool!
This happened too?
I'm pregnant.
Honey,
she's just like you!
It's raining meatballs!
Okay, something is...
Jerry Smith died
doing what he loved...
Getting stung by bees.
Off.
Off what?
Have some respect.
It's Dad's funeral.
I'm gonna name you
Jerry Jr.
Thanks for solving
that murder, guys.
Here's a skateboard.
Aw, thanks, Tony Hawk!
- Morty, say you'll marry me! What?
- What?
Just say yes!
Yes?
Okay... Rick, do
you promise to...
I do, and for our honeymoon
let's go to a sealed chamber
lined with ionized
deuterium! Why?
Because the charge acts
as a narrative decelerant.
Morty, none of this is real.
We're in a "previously on"
spiral. Clear your head.
After all that's happened?! No.
I-I'm innocent!
I didn't release those bees!
I love Jerry!
What'd I just say?
When?
Okay, great execution.
Let's go back to the chamber.
Now repeat after me, Morty...
"Next time on 'Rick and Morty.'"
Next time
on "Rick and Morty"?
No. Previously,
on "Rick and Morty"...
Ignore it, Morty.
"Next time on 'Rick and Morty.'"
It counteracts his toxins.
Next time on "Rick and Morty."
Whose toxins?
Hey, stop it!
Previous Leon!
Grab him!
Hold on tight, Morty!
We got to get through
the opening titles!
Opening titles of what?
- Whoa! We're in space!
- Let go of me! Ow!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
What planet is this?
Cover your eyes
on this part.
Oh, my god,
it's a giant squirrel!
Why are we dressed
like old-timey people?
What the hell's going on?
Why is my dad in a suit?
Best episode!
Why am I butter?
Okay,
we're almost through.
Ohh!
Ohh!
♪♪
Ow!
Ugh,
and we're back!
Stop!
Let go of me!
What just happened?
Why was there music?
Because of this conceptual
little piece of shit!
Grab his feet!
If we have opening titles,
d-does that mean that we're a...
Let your body purge
the meta-venom, Morty.
Don't succumb to his pointless
self-aware bullshit.
It's not pointless,
it's cool!
He's got a gun!
Eat lead, pussy!
No, no, no!
Fuck!
Oh!
Son of a...
Did he use a portal?
He wishes.
He wriggled back
to the meta layer
through a hole
in the fourth wall.
Put these on
and help me find it.
I-I don't like this, Rick.
Yeah, you shouldn't.
It's not a likable premise.
I mean it's funny when I do a
little nod to the viewers, but...
What viewers?! That's
the right attitude, Morty.
A few carefree verbal asides,
always by me.
None of this season-three
"Moonlighting" shit.
Okay, here it is.
You're going
to... to patch it?
No, he subverted
actual reality, Morty.
He needs to be
put down like a rabid dog.
♪♪
Ow! Fuck!
Oh, yeah, no, you don't wanna
wear those over here.
Maybe he went
down that road?
No, no, no. If he took that,
he'd end up a hero.
Damn it, Rick.
I don't like this.
I-Is this whole place
just...
A bunch of
groan-inducing wordplay
for seven TV critics
that won't even enjoy it?
It's worse than you think,
Morty.
We're basting in
meta radiation right now.
Our credibility is
being permanently eroded.
Every second we spend here
is the equivalent
to 10 "Space Jam" cameos.
You should have thought
of that... previously!
Get him!
♪♪
Ow! Ow!
Oh, no!
Bless me, Heavenly Father,
for you will save me.
Now I feel bad.
Let's just get out of here.
Because he prays?
You know Hitler was Catholic,
right?
I'm here, Leon.
Uhh...
Okay.
He apparently prays
very well.
Time for you two
to meet the Lord.
That's okay,
we're good.
Treat it
like a bear attack.
Just walk backwards
and make yourself look big.
I love a good refusal
of the call.
Hello, Rick.
Hello...
Amish Juggler?
His name is Story Lord.
Story... Lord?
Listen, trust me,
take Amish Juggler.
You can have it.
Story Lord.
Rick, h-he's the villain from
that toy train I bought you.
Very good, Morty.
The fictional versions of you
trapped me
in a Bible show for children,
but I used make-believe Christ
to transcend fiction
and enter meta-reality.
Now I'm the one
doing the trapping.
Leon was the bait.
Bait?!
Jesus?
Aaah!
Aah!
Don't ever...!
Dumb mother...!
You're using Jesus
to beat us up?
Have you seen
"South Park"?
Good call-out, Morty.
That's the kind of meta
I like,
the kind that keeps us
creatively accountable.
Oh, God. Not the Bane.
Not the Bane!
He Baned me, Morty.
Oh, Jesus Baned me.
Y-You can't beat me up. I-I'm...
I'm... I'm technically a Christian child!
And I'm your worst nightmare.
I'm the Jesus
from every Jesus joke.
The one without a God.
Morty!
Take this and get out!
Thank you.
Looks like Story Lord's story
is about to become...
based on real events.
What do you want
with that?
I want what
any character wants.
Motivation!
What?
That's dumb.
So lazy!
Forward your notes
to my ass!
Wait, what?
He just left.
Kind of makes you want to be
our unlikely ally, huh?
Oh, I guess not.
Previously,
on Jesus Christ...
Hey, I'm Jesus.
I'm Mary.
That's my mom's name!
Stop.
Dude,
she's a hooker.
She's a better disciple
than you!
Ow! Aw!
Owww!
Oh, no.
I can't die.
I 'ave
a proposition for you.
I work alone.
If I suck-a your blood,
I'll be invincible!
I think!
You'll never know.
Aah!
Billionaire immortal
entrepreneur Jesus Christ
has placed all his money into
what he's calling
a "second chance at love."
Hang on, Mary!
The data!
So beautiful!
Make me normal,
witch.
Take it all!
Eat your pudding,
Mr. Christ.
What are
you smiling at?
Your name.
What's happening,
Rick?
Leon's venom makes you think
more and more of your life
is behind you as he feeds
on your released potential.
Leon,
y-you saved our lives!
Oh, not yet he hasn't.
Jeez, Rick!
So mean!
He's meta, Morty.
His life doesn't matter.
Yours does.
That's why we need to get back.
Well, this doesn't feel
like a citadel.
Uh, maybe it's cooler
on the inside.
This isn't what it looks like.
This is a very special diet
for successful writers.
Why do you look like
my character?
I am your character!
And you are going to improve me.
But you're Story Lord.
You're great.
Great isn't good enough!
I've killed Rick
and made myself real!
I'm better than
some shitty toy train.
Is this your office
or your apartment?
Why does it smell
like you sleep here?
You're my creator.
Why are you pathetic?
Because you failed!
And whose fault is that?
What the hell happened?
You want to know what happened?
Like, specifically?
Well, the Ricks wanted to do
a "Canterbury Tales" -type thing,
but none of them
have actually read
fucking "Canterbury Tales."
So then
they told me to make it like
the poker-game episode
of the Batman cartoon
where the bad guys
tell stories about Batman.
Then they kept telling me
it "needed something."
Yeah, no shit,
it needed something!
It needed to never be pitched!
I did my job!
Goomby, the Ice Queen,
the Tickets Please guy.
They just bailed on it!
The website didn't even
fucking work!
And it was a shitty URL
to begin with,
"Story-dash-train"?
Who uses a dash?
They set me up to fail.
They fucked me!
They fucked me and you're lucky
I haven't blown my brains out!
Right. Just give me a
motivation, you hacky fart.
Okay,
here's your motivation.
You're looking for motivation.
You want all the motivation.
That's lazy.
It got you this far.
Must be nice, by the way.
Wish I could afford to dress
like a bisexual acting coach
from the '70s.
My motivation...
is motivation.
Okay. Bye.
Oh, no, my bitter friend.
You're coming with me.
Yo! If you don't see me coming,
it's a bad fortress!
Where are we?
Headquarters of
the Self-Referential Six.
They're meta nerds
that found out
they could be
less bearable as a team.
They can help us?
No, but there's a prisoner here
that can.
Shh.
Don't tell them that.
Rick Sanchez.
I've been waiting for
this moment for years.
Oh, good.
Morty, this is Miss... Lead.
I should kill you
where you stand.
I brought you
Previous Leon.
You'll want to lock him up
in your detention center.
It's a trick!
He wants your prisoner!
You dick.
Liar!
Talk about a mislead.
Anti-meta field.
Fancy device.
I think I can recall
the time you built it.
Don't try it,
Flash Back!
You know, I-I'm excited about
the upcoming election.
This force field will be
impenetrable by meta-energy.
It runs
on hydrogen isotopes.
Hmmm.
It runs
on hydrogen isotopes.
A few barrels of petroleum
should dampen it.
Run, Morty!
Were those
not there before?
Guess there's been
a... Connie TinuityError.
These people are the worst!
I told you! Way overpowered!
Look out, Rick!
Forget him.
He's a nameless guard.
That's Protago Nick.
His beam has the power to make
any character the protagonist.
D-Duck!
Oh, man, oh, man,
oh, man, oh, man.
Oh, man, oh, man,
oh, man, oh, man.
Gah!
What are you doing, Marvin?!
Not dying,
that's what I'm doing.
Oh, what's going on?
What happened?
I did it again, Katie.
I ran out on another job.
Well, if you didn't do that,
you wouldn't be my man.
♪♪
♪♪
I was almost tempted
to just let it go.
That's how much
I hate it here.
Smash cut!
Remember me, Rick?
Who's this guy, now?
I am Mr. Twist.
The fifth member of
the Self-Referential Six.
Who's the sixth?
That's the twist, Morty.
It's you.
What?
Ignore him, Morty.
The twist is
there's no sixth member
and he tells that
to everybody.
In any case,
you're ours now.
You can't free yourself without
a twist, and I control them.
You don't control every twist,
Mr. Twist.
I've got a twist for you.
Impossible! What is it?
Aah! Aha! Nice try!
Like I didn't see
that coming.
Fuck me.
Great work, Morty!
I'm adapting!
Here's our ticket
out of here.
They got him in a cell
made out of sports
because it's
the opposite of story.
Do I want to ask
who he is?
His name is Brett Caan.
He has the power to make things
always have been other things.
I think
that's called retconning.
B-But his name's
Brett Caan?
I mean, Rhett's a name too.
His name could be Rhett Caan.
It is.
And always has been... now.
Whoa.
Careful, Morty.
Stay clear
of his retcon range.
Until he agrees
to help us.
Rick,
you've always trusted me.
Nice try.
Here's how it's gonna work.
You're gonna make it so Morty
and I never came here.
Once that's always been
the case,
I'll free you remotely
with this.
What is my purpose?
To wait until I tell you
to pull that lever.
You are
fucking kidding me.
If you don't free me
right now, Rick,
I can make
very, very bad things
always have been
the case for you.
Is that a threat,
you fuck?
Y-Y-You can rot in there.
Rick.
You know what, Rhett?
Forget what I said.
We've always been friends.
Good one.
Whoa, easy, Rhett.
Don't forget that coffee mug
I gave you.
You always were able to be
killed with coffee.
Aaah!
New plan. Run.
Again.
The twist being...
You were born without bones.
See ya never!
There's never been anything
outside this fortress.
God damn it!
And this fortress
has always been an orange!
Pluh!
Great plan, Rick!
Yeah, I'm not pushing back
on that, Morty,
I have royally
fucked us.
Ugh!
It hurts.
We've been past the fourth wall
too long.
We won't be real
much longer.
You killed us, Rick.
You just had to hate
meta storytelling.
In my defense, Morty,
I think you can agree
my hate was justified.
Ohh!
Least... earned... death...
ever...
♪♪
Death is a threshold.
♪♪
Ugh!
What... What happened?
You atoned.
Who... Who are you?
I'm Joseph Campbell.
Soup?
I almost considered not making
it because my name is Campbell,
but then I thought,
stay in the moment, Joe.
Follow your bliss.
How are you here?
R-Rhett Caan said
there was nothing.
Some things never change
about mythology.
There's always an old man
with soup.
Name one story
that doesn't have one.
Uh, Jack and the Beanstalk.
"Basketball Diaries."
Every "Matrix."
Every movie ever.
Alright, I don't have to defend
myself to you people.
Where's my soup?
Previous Fuckin' Leon.
Why is that prick here?
No more a prick
than you, friend.
Meta characters
erode reality.
But all characters are meta,
Rick.
All of us are nourished
and consumed by chaos,
like newborns at the breast
of a meth addict
in a lifeboat filled with forks.
I know what you have
to do, Rick.
Scrub Campbell's
browser history?
Just trust
Previous Leon.
Could you
previously us a way home?
Uh, well,
I'll sure enjoy trying.
Yeah,
I bet you would.
Rick can't change,
Morty.
Change is what you might
call his Kryptonite.
Except instead
of being super,
he's, you know,
kind of a pussy.
Let's do it.
Previously, on Rick...
Get him off! Get him off!
Oh, boy.
He almost killed you!
Okay, well, I feel bad,
I kind of pressured
you into trying that.
You called me a pussy.
I said I feel bad!
This is a map to a region rich
in narrative ore.
I wish you
the best of luck.
Faster, Morty! I'd help, but I
can't blister my inventing hands.
How long will it take?
Years.
You can live
in my wood shed.
Just don't open the
door after dark. Why not?
Get out here,
you Communist Jews!
Dude.
Maybe I'm not an alcoholic.
I know, right? You fucking
"Back to the Future" rip-offs!
It's ready.
Rick, I should stay.
Why?
I'm pregnant.
What are you doing? It
wasn't him, Rick! Then who?!
Me!
I never left.
But you had to think all this
happened to make that.
And I can get this
through the titles?
If you hang on tight.
What about my beard
and unborn child?
Let them go.
Thank you, Leon.
When you get home,
Rick,
do some
classic adventures.
Like season one... I'm
so sick of that fucking note.
What the fuck
does it even mean?
Ohh!
Now, one last time.
What's my motivation?
Motivation.
This machine will siphon it
from everyone in the universe.
Perfect. Greenlit.
Launch it.
Oh, I think it's working!
Yes, I can feel it!
Something I did
is actually affecting someone!
♪♪
I don't want to
work anymore.
I do, but only as an excuse
to not practice guitar.
♪♪
Why don't we just write any
number down on the score sheet?
Oh, why even do that?
♪♪
Wait, you have to
register?
Yes!
I can feel it!
I'm so motivated!
I want... a lot!
Story time's over.
Ha!
Hardly your decision.
Did you seriously double down on
motivation as your motivation?
It's a good idea!
There's no such thing!
There's joyful
and there's joyless,
and we've had our fill
of one.
Morty, make that sweaty writer
stop working
while I kill off
his character.
I have never been more driven
to destroy someone.
Yeah, well, I'm driven
to lower my blood sugar
but guess who's getting tacos
after he kicks your ass?
So you're jacked.
Who cares?
Cum gutters.
I don't like that phrase.
I don't take notes.
You can't beat me, Rick.
I have one million times
your motivation!
So do those guys with the
cellphone kiosks at the mall.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
The hair is wrong.
Like you'd be picky
about licensing.
Actually, I would.
I happen to believe that...
You can do that?
You got to want it.
Come on, just stop.
I-I don't want to fight you.
Kid, I'm a writer that wrote
something successful.
So if you want me
to give it up,
you're gonna need a black belt
or a big pair of tits.
Yeah, well,
I don't have those.
In the mythical sense,
I have both.
Joseph Campbell?
Yeah, nice try.
He died in the '80s.
Only you can see and hear me,
Morty.
Just repeat
what I tell you.
Okay.
Sir, you're only proud of
your creation's success
because you want
to be creative,
but creation doesn't happen
through gimmicks,
technology, and distribution.
It doesn't even happen
through work.
Creativity is frankly adjacent
to mental illness and overlaps
with it substantially.
A lot of talented people
kill themselves
and all of them
are miserable.
The real gift
is to be ungifted,
and from what I saw
in your Green Arrow spec script,
that's the gift
you were given.
You couldn't
have seen that.
I'm Joseph Campbell.
I saw it.
The villain
was a placeholder.
I said I saw it, Jan.
I didn't say
I could get past page five.
Y-Your villains
aren't the problem.
The problem is, when you write,
you're a villain.
If you want to be a hero,
just stop.
You know what?
Maybe I will register.
Say it! Tell me
I'm the new Mr. Nimbus!
Oh, looks like your writer
took a hiatus.
Oh, fuck.
You're less motivated
to fight now,
so this is literally punching
down, but you've got it coming.
Please, let me live.
I promise to be cooler.
I'll be less inside baseball.
Maybe I change my name?
Ow!
You failed me.
No, I failed you.
All good things
must come to an end-
All bad things too, though,
so don't flatter yourself.
Jan, Joseph Campbell says
you have to be the one
to put him down.
Wait, wait, wait,
Joseph Campbell also says
you have to use this brand-new
limited edition Rick plush,
Supplies are limited.
Act now.
He did?
Shhh.
Jesus, that's the last time
I buy a toy from a Rick.
Ooh, the plushies
are obviously well made.
Thanks for getting us
back alive, Rick.
Well, I am a master
of both worlds, Morty.
Joseph Campbell told me
to stop writing.
Because it should be effortless.
And when it happens organically,
that's when it's meant to be.
You know, like, um, like me.
I'm a writer, here's a pencil.
Writers use pencils.
Okay, so, like, what if, like,
a pencil used me?
Like, um... okay!
Yeah!
Okay, so it's like
a magic pencil
that writes
the writer's life...
Holy shit, it's a movie
about a writer!
I am back!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Yeah, I'm Tag-Man!
I-I-I-I live in the tag!
I-I-I am the tag!
I'm Tag-Man!
Tag...
Tag of the episode... man!
"Did you get any of that?"
When the... yeah, when
an episode's over, look out,
because, ya a a ah,
here comes Tag-Man!
And I'm... I'm crazy!
Tag-Man!
Yeah!
I'm... I'mma tag your ass!
Tag that ass.
Tag-Ass-Man!
I'm an Ass-Man now!
I'm a... I'm a Tag-Man!
Here's what you get.
Here's your tag!
Yeah, you want some more?
You want... you want some more
tag you sick piece of shit?!
I'm... because I'm Tag-Man!
I miss my wife.
Too bad.
This is it!
Tag-Man, yeah!
Did you get any of that?
"Rick and Morty"...
Jerry, I had sex
with your wife.
Ohhh!
I did it!
I fixed portal travel!
Jack the Ripper,
at your service.
Cool!
This happened too?
I'm pregnant.
Honey,
she's just like you!
It's raining meatballs!
Okay, something is...
Jerry Smith died
doing what he loved...
Getting stung by bees.
Off.
Off what?
Have some respect.
It's Dad's funeral.
I'm gonna name you
Jerry Jr.
Thanks for solving
that murder, guys.
Here's a skateboard.
Aw, thanks, Tony Hawk!
- Morty, say you'll marry me! What?
- What?
Just say yes!
Yes?
Okay... Rick, do
you promise to...
I do, and for our honeymoon
let's go to a sealed chamber
lined with ionized
deuterium! Why?
Because the charge acts
as a narrative decelerant.
Morty, none of this is real.
We're in a "previously on"
spiral. Clear your head.
After all that's happened?! No.
I-I'm innocent!
I didn't release those bees!
I love Jerry!
What'd I just say?
When?
Okay, great execution.
Let's go back to the chamber.
Now repeat after me, Morty...
"Next time on 'Rick and Morty.'"
Next time
on "Rick and Morty"?
No. Previously,
on "Rick and Morty"...
Ignore it, Morty.
"Next time on 'Rick and Morty.'"
It counteracts his toxins.
Next time on "Rick and Morty."
Whose toxins?
Hey, stop it!
Previous Leon!
Grab him!
Hold on tight, Morty!
We got to get through
the opening titles!
Opening titles of what?
- Whoa! We're in space!
- Let go of me! Ow!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
What planet is this?
Cover your eyes
on this part.
Oh, my god,
it's a giant squirrel!
Why are we dressed
like old-timey people?
What the hell's going on?
Why is my dad in a suit?
Best episode!
Why am I butter?
Okay,
we're almost through.
Ohh!
Ohh!
♪♪
Ow!
Ugh,
and we're back!
Stop!
Let go of me!
What just happened?
Why was there music?
Because of this conceptual
little piece of shit!
Grab his feet!
If we have opening titles,
d-does that mean that we're a...
Let your body purge
the meta-venom, Morty.
Don't succumb to his pointless
self-aware bullshit.
It's not pointless,
it's cool!
He's got a gun!
Eat lead, pussy!
No, no, no!
Fuck!
Oh!
Son of a...
Did he use a portal?
He wishes.
He wriggled back
to the meta layer
through a hole
in the fourth wall.
Put these on
and help me find it.
I-I don't like this, Rick.
Yeah, you shouldn't.
It's not a likable premise.
I mean it's funny when I do a
little nod to the viewers, but...
What viewers?! That's
the right attitude, Morty.
A few carefree verbal asides,
always by me.
None of this season-three
"Moonlighting" shit.
Okay, here it is.
You're going
to... to patch it?
No, he subverted
actual reality, Morty.
He needs to be
put down like a rabid dog.
♪♪
Ow! Fuck!
Oh, yeah, no, you don't wanna
wear those over here.
Maybe he went
down that road?
No, no, no. If he took that,
he'd end up a hero.
Damn it, Rick.
I don't like this.
I-Is this whole place
just...
A bunch of
groan-inducing wordplay
for seven TV critics
that won't even enjoy it?
It's worse than you think,
Morty.
We're basting in
meta radiation right now.
Our credibility is
being permanently eroded.
Every second we spend here
is the equivalent
to 10 "Space Jam" cameos.
You should have thought
of that... previously!
Get him!
♪♪
Ow! Ow!
Oh, no!
Bless me, Heavenly Father,
for you will save me.
Now I feel bad.
Let's just get out of here.
Because he prays?
You know Hitler was Catholic,
right?
I'm here, Leon.
Uhh...
Okay.
He apparently prays
very well.
Time for you two
to meet the Lord.
That's okay,
we're good.
Treat it
like a bear attack.
Just walk backwards
and make yourself look big.
I love a good refusal
of the call.
Hello, Rick.
Hello...
Amish Juggler?
His name is Story Lord.
Story... Lord?
Listen, trust me,
take Amish Juggler.
You can have it.
Story Lord.
Rick, h-he's the villain from
that toy train I bought you.
Very good, Morty.
The fictional versions of you
trapped me
in a Bible show for children,
but I used make-believe Christ
to transcend fiction
and enter meta-reality.
Now I'm the one
doing the trapping.
Leon was the bait.
Bait?!
Jesus?
Aaah!
Aah!
Don't ever...!
Dumb mother...!
You're using Jesus
to beat us up?
Have you seen
"South Park"?
Good call-out, Morty.
That's the kind of meta
I like,
the kind that keeps us
creatively accountable.
Oh, God. Not the Bane.
Not the Bane!
He Baned me, Morty.
Oh, Jesus Baned me.
Y-You can't beat me up. I-I'm...
I'm... I'm technically a Christian child!
And I'm your worst nightmare.
I'm the Jesus
from every Jesus joke.
The one without a God.
Morty!
Take this and get out!
Thank you.
Looks like Story Lord's story
is about to become...
based on real events.
What do you want
with that?
I want what
any character wants.
Motivation!
What?
That's dumb.
So lazy!
Forward your notes
to my ass!
Wait, what?
He just left.
Kind of makes you want to be
our unlikely ally, huh?
Oh, I guess not.
Previously,
on Jesus Christ...
Hey, I'm Jesus.
I'm Mary.
That's my mom's name!
Stop.
Dude,
she's a hooker.
She's a better disciple
than you!
Ow! Aw!
Owww!
Oh, no.
I can't die.
I 'ave
a proposition for you.
I work alone.
If I suck-a your blood,
I'll be invincible!
I think!
You'll never know.
Aah!
Billionaire immortal
entrepreneur Jesus Christ
has placed all his money into
what he's calling
a "second chance at love."
Hang on, Mary!
The data!
So beautiful!
Make me normal,
witch.
Take it all!
Eat your pudding,
Mr. Christ.
What are
you smiling at?
Your name.
What's happening,
Rick?
Leon's venom makes you think
more and more of your life
is behind you as he feeds
on your released potential.
Leon,
y-you saved our lives!
Oh, not yet he hasn't.
Jeez, Rick!
So mean!
He's meta, Morty.
His life doesn't matter.
Yours does.
That's why we need to get back.
Well, this doesn't feel
like a citadel.
Uh, maybe it's cooler
on the inside.
This isn't what it looks like.
This is a very special diet
for successful writers.
Why do you look like
my character?
I am your character!
And you are going to improve me.
But you're Story Lord.
You're great.
Great isn't good enough!
I've killed Rick
and made myself real!
I'm better than
some shitty toy train.
Is this your office
or your apartment?
Why does it smell
like you sleep here?
You're my creator.
Why are you pathetic?
Because you failed!
And whose fault is that?
What the hell happened?
You want to know what happened?
Like, specifically?
Well, the Ricks wanted to do
a "Canterbury Tales" -type thing,
but none of them
have actually read
fucking "Canterbury Tales."
So then
they told me to make it like
the poker-game episode
of the Batman cartoon
where the bad guys
tell stories about Batman.
Then they kept telling me
it "needed something."
Yeah, no shit,
it needed something!
It needed to never be pitched!
I did my job!
Goomby, the Ice Queen,
the Tickets Please guy.
They just bailed on it!
The website didn't even
fucking work!
And it was a shitty URL
to begin with,
"Story-dash-train"?
Who uses a dash?
They set me up to fail.
They fucked me!
They fucked me and you're lucky
I haven't blown my brains out!
Right. Just give me a
motivation, you hacky fart.
Okay,
here's your motivation.
You're looking for motivation.
You want all the motivation.
That's lazy.
It got you this far.
Must be nice, by the way.
Wish I could afford to dress
like a bisexual acting coach
from the '70s.
My motivation...
is motivation.
Okay. Bye.
Oh, no, my bitter friend.
You're coming with me.
Yo! If you don't see me coming,
it's a bad fortress!
Where are we?
Headquarters of
the Self-Referential Six.
They're meta nerds
that found out
they could be
less bearable as a team.
They can help us?
No, but there's a prisoner here
that can.
Shh.
Don't tell them that.
Rick Sanchez.
I've been waiting for
this moment for years.
Oh, good.
Morty, this is Miss... Lead.
I should kill you
where you stand.
I brought you
Previous Leon.
You'll want to lock him up
in your detention center.
It's a trick!
He wants your prisoner!
You dick.
Liar!
Talk about a mislead.
Anti-meta field.
Fancy device.
I think I can recall
the time you built it.
Don't try it,
Flash Back!
You know, I-I'm excited about
the upcoming election.
This force field will be
impenetrable by meta-energy.
It runs
on hydrogen isotopes.
Hmmm.
It runs
on hydrogen isotopes.
A few barrels of petroleum
should dampen it.
Run, Morty!
Were those
not there before?
Guess there's been
a... Connie TinuityError.
These people are the worst!
I told you! Way overpowered!
Look out, Rick!
Forget him.
He's a nameless guard.
That's Protago Nick.
His beam has the power to make
any character the protagonist.
D-Duck!
Oh, man, oh, man,
oh, man, oh, man.
Oh, man, oh, man,
oh, man, oh, man.
Gah!
What are you doing, Marvin?!
Not dying,
that's what I'm doing.
Oh, what's going on?
What happened?
I did it again, Katie.
I ran out on another job.
Well, if you didn't do that,
you wouldn't be my man.
♪♪
♪♪
I was almost tempted
to just let it go.
That's how much
I hate it here.
Smash cut!
Remember me, Rick?
Who's this guy, now?
I am Mr. Twist.
The fifth member of
the Self-Referential Six.
Who's the sixth?
That's the twist, Morty.
It's you.
What?
Ignore him, Morty.
The twist is
there's no sixth member
and he tells that
to everybody.
In any case,
you're ours now.
You can't free yourself without
a twist, and I control them.
You don't control every twist,
Mr. Twist.
I've got a twist for you.
Impossible! What is it?
Aah! Aha! Nice try!
Like I didn't see
that coming.
Fuck me.
Great work, Morty!
I'm adapting!
Here's our ticket
out of here.
They got him in a cell
made out of sports
because it's
the opposite of story.
Do I want to ask
who he is?
His name is Brett Caan.
He has the power to make things
always have been other things.
I think
that's called retconning.
B-But his name's
Brett Caan?
I mean, Rhett's a name too.
His name could be Rhett Caan.
It is.
And always has been... now.
Whoa.
Careful, Morty.
Stay clear
of his retcon range.
Until he agrees
to help us.
Rick,
you've always trusted me.
Nice try.
Here's how it's gonna work.
You're gonna make it so Morty
and I never came here.
Once that's always been
the case,
I'll free you remotely
with this.
What is my purpose?
To wait until I tell you
to pull that lever.
You are
fucking kidding me.
If you don't free me
right now, Rick,
I can make
very, very bad things
always have been
the case for you.
Is that a threat,
you fuck?
Y-Y-You can rot in there.
Rick.
You know what, Rhett?
Forget what I said.
We've always been friends.
Good one.
Whoa, easy, Rhett.
Don't forget that coffee mug
I gave you.
You always were able to be
killed with coffee.
Aaah!
New plan. Run.
Again.
The twist being...
You were born without bones.
See ya never!
There's never been anything
outside this fortress.
God damn it!
And this fortress
has always been an orange!
Pluh!
Great plan, Rick!
Yeah, I'm not pushing back
on that, Morty,
I have royally
fucked us.
Ugh!
It hurts.
We've been past the fourth wall
too long.
We won't be real
much longer.
You killed us, Rick.
You just had to hate
meta storytelling.
In my defense, Morty,
I think you can agree
my hate was justified.
Ohh!
Least... earned... death...
ever...
♪♪
Death is a threshold.
♪♪
Ugh!
What... What happened?
You atoned.
Who... Who are you?
I'm Joseph Campbell.
Soup?
I almost considered not making
it because my name is Campbell,
but then I thought,
stay in the moment, Joe.
Follow your bliss.
How are you here?
R-Rhett Caan said
there was nothing.
Some things never change
about mythology.
There's always an old man
with soup.
Name one story
that doesn't have one.
Uh, Jack and the Beanstalk.
"Basketball Diaries."
Every "Matrix."
Every movie ever.
Alright, I don't have to defend
myself to you people.
Where's my soup?
Previous Fuckin' Leon.
Why is that prick here?
No more a prick
than you, friend.
Meta characters
erode reality.
But all characters are meta,
Rick.
All of us are nourished
and consumed by chaos,
like newborns at the breast
of a meth addict
in a lifeboat filled with forks.
I know what you have
to do, Rick.
Scrub Campbell's
browser history?
Just trust
Previous Leon.
Could you
previously us a way home?
Uh, well,
I'll sure enjoy trying.
Yeah,
I bet you would.
Rick can't change,
Morty.
Change is what you might
call his Kryptonite.
Except instead
of being super,
he's, you know,
kind of a pussy.
Let's do it.
Previously, on Rick...
Get him off! Get him off!
Oh, boy.
He almost killed you!
Okay, well, I feel bad,
I kind of pressured
you into trying that.
You called me a pussy.
I said I feel bad!
This is a map to a region rich
in narrative ore.
I wish you
the best of luck.
Faster, Morty! I'd help, but I
can't blister my inventing hands.
How long will it take?
Years.
You can live
in my wood shed.
Just don't open the
door after dark. Why not?
Get out here,
you Communist Jews!
Dude.
Maybe I'm not an alcoholic.
I know, right? You fucking
"Back to the Future" rip-offs!
It's ready.
Rick, I should stay.
Why?
I'm pregnant.
What are you doing? It
wasn't him, Rick! Then who?!
Me!
I never left.
But you had to think all this
happened to make that.
And I can get this
through the titles?
If you hang on tight.
What about my beard
and unborn child?
Let them go.
Thank you, Leon.
When you get home,
Rick,
do some
classic adventures.
Like season one... I'm
so sick of that fucking note.
What the fuck
does it even mean?
Ohh!
Now, one last time.
What's my motivation?
Motivation.
This machine will siphon it
from everyone in the universe.
Perfect. Greenlit.
Launch it.
Oh, I think it's working!
Yes, I can feel it!
Something I did
is actually affecting someone!
♪♪
I don't want to
work anymore.
I do, but only as an excuse
to not practice guitar.
♪♪
Why don't we just write any
number down on the score sheet?
Oh, why even do that?
♪♪
Wait, you have to
register?
Yes!
I can feel it!
I'm so motivated!
I want... a lot!
Story time's over.
Ha!
Hardly your decision.
Did you seriously double down on
motivation as your motivation?
It's a good idea!
There's no such thing!
There's joyful
and there's joyless,
and we've had our fill
of one.
Morty, make that sweaty writer
stop working
while I kill off
his character.
I have never been more driven
to destroy someone.
Yeah, well, I'm driven
to lower my blood sugar
but guess who's getting tacos
after he kicks your ass?
So you're jacked.
Who cares?
Cum gutters.
I don't like that phrase.
I don't take notes.
You can't beat me, Rick.
I have one million times
your motivation!
So do those guys with the
cellphone kiosks at the mall.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
The hair is wrong.
Like you'd be picky
about licensing.
Actually, I would.
I happen to believe that...
You can do that?
You got to want it.
Come on, just stop.
I-I don't want to fight you.
Kid, I'm a writer that wrote
something successful.
So if you want me
to give it up,
you're gonna need a black belt
or a big pair of tits.
Yeah, well,
I don't have those.
In the mythical sense,
I have both.
Joseph Campbell?
Yeah, nice try.
He died in the '80s.
Only you can see and hear me,
Morty.
Just repeat
what I tell you.
Okay.
Sir, you're only proud of
your creation's success
because you want
to be creative,
but creation doesn't happen
through gimmicks,
technology, and distribution.
It doesn't even happen
through work.
Creativity is frankly adjacent
to mental illness and overlaps
with it substantially.
A lot of talented people
kill themselves
and all of them
are miserable.
The real gift
is to be ungifted,
and from what I saw
in your Green Arrow spec script,
that's the gift
you were given.
You couldn't
have seen that.
I'm Joseph Campbell.
I saw it.
The villain
was a placeholder.
I said I saw it, Jan.
I didn't say
I could get past page five.
Y-Your villains
aren't the problem.
The problem is, when you write,
you're a villain.
If you want to be a hero,
just stop.
You know what?
Maybe I will register.
Say it! Tell me
I'm the new Mr. Nimbus!
Oh, looks like your writer
took a hiatus.
Oh, fuck.
You're less motivated
to fight now,
so this is literally punching
down, but you've got it coming.
Please, let me live.
I promise to be cooler.
I'll be less inside baseball.
Maybe I change my name?
Ow!
You failed me.
No, I failed you.
All good things
must come to an end-
All bad things too, though,
so don't flatter yourself.
Jan, Joseph Campbell says
you have to be the one
to put him down.
Wait, wait, wait,
Joseph Campbell also says
you have to use this brand-new
limited edition Rick plush,
Supplies are limited.
Act now.
He did?
Shhh.
Jesus, that's the last time
I buy a toy from a Rick.
Ooh, the plushies
are obviously well made.
Thanks for getting us
back alive, Rick.
Well, I am a master
of both worlds, Morty.
Joseph Campbell told me
to stop writing.
Because it should be effortless.
And when it happens organically,
that's when it's meant to be.
You know, like, um, like me.
I'm a writer, here's a pencil.
Writers use pencils.
Okay, so, like, what if, like,
a pencil used me?
Like, um... okay!
Yeah!
Okay, so it's like
a magic pencil
that writes
the writer's life...
Holy shit, it's a movie
about a writer!
I am back!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Yeah, I'm Tag-Man!
I-I-I-I live in the tag!
I-I-I am the tag!
I'm Tag-Man!
Tag...
Tag of the episode... man!
"Did you get any of that?"
When the... yeah, when
an episode's over, look out,
because, ya a a ah,
here comes Tag-Man!
And I'm... I'm crazy!
Tag-Man!
Yeah!
I'm... I'mma tag your ass!
Tag that ass.
Tag-Ass-Man!
I'm an Ass-Man now!
I'm a... I'm a Tag-Man!
Here's what you get.
Here's your tag!
Yeah, you want some more?
You want... you want some more
tag you sick piece of shit?!
I'm... because I'm Tag-Man!
I miss my wife.
Too bad.
This is it!
Tag-Man, yeah!
Did you get any of that?