Rick and Morty (2013–…): Season 3, Episode 7 - The Ricklantis Mixup - full transcript
Whilst Rick and Morty go off to adventure in Atlantis we take a look at how the Citadel has rebuilt itself since both Rick and Morty visited.
All right, Morty,
you ready for our adventure
to the Lost City
of Atlantis?
Ready as I'll ever be,
Rick.
[ Portal opens ]
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Hello, I'm Rick K-22.
This is my Morty.
We're going from
reality to reality
asking Ricks to contribute
to the Citadel of Ricks
Redevelopment Fund.
What are you, stupid?
We're done with
the Citadel of Ricks.
I was [burps] never on board
with it in the first place.
That's why
I murdered everyone in charge
and left it to rot.
Oh, that was you.
They tried
to murder him first.
Aw, geez.
Well,
you'll be happy to know
that the council's
gone now --
Yeah, he knows.
He murdered them.
You want to rein in
your Morty?
Every day.
The Citadel of Ricks
Redevelopment Fund
donates --
Morty, he's not gonna
[burps] donate.
You're pitching
the Policeman's Ball
to a black teenager here.
Let's go.
You don't have to be
a dick.
I think you know
that's not true.
Geez.
I didn't know there were
still Ricks and Mortys
living on the Citadel.
I wonder what their
day-to-day lives are like.
Well, you can keep
wondering that
while we go
on a fun, fresh,
self-contained adventure
to Atlantis.
Anyone continuing to
explore the Citadel
is either stupid
or one of
the unfortunate millions
held hostage
by their terrible ideas.
Man, I'm glad
I'm not one of them!
? Somewhere out on
that horizon ?
? Out beyond the neon lights
? I know there must be
somethin' better ?
? But there's nowhere else
in sight ?
? It's survival in the city
? When you live
from day to day ?
? City streets
don't have much pity ?
? When you're down,
that's where you'll stay ?
??
Announcer Rick:
Citadel Morning News.
News about the Citadel
in the morning,
pretty self explanatory.
Good morning.
I'm Rick D-716B.
And I'm Rick D-716.
Must be nice.
Coming up, gravity outages
in East Sanchez Heights...
And, is your uranium-powered
cellular matrix
making you sick?
The answer
may not surprise you.
It's --
yes, it's uranium.
Those stories and more,
after this break.
Sam Elliot: 60 iterations
off the central finite curve,
there's a Rick
that works more with wood
than polarity plating.
His name is Simple Rick
but he's no dummy.
He realized long ago
that the greatest thing
he'd ever create
was his daughter.
I love Daddy!
Sam Elliot:
We captured that moment --
We run it on a loop
through Simple Rick's mind --
And the chemical
it makes his brain secrete
goes into every Simple Rick's
"Simple Wafers" Wafer Cookie.
Come home to
the impossible flavor
of your own completion.
Come home to Simple Rick's.
Just one day remains
before our
newly democratic Citadel
elects its first President,
it's anyone's race
among the Rick candidates.
But a certain
other candidate
should be getting
at least one vote
for most adorable.
That's right.
The Morty party candidate's
still in the race,
and you just gotta
love him for that.
Here you see him in his little
Morty suit waving --
Isn't that adorable?
Little jackass.
Uh, yeah,
I think we actually have
the audio
for his speech here --
[ As Morty, poorly ]
Aw, geez. Aw, man.
I'm gonna lose the election
and stuff.
[ Both laugh ]
We had a good run, sir,
but I think it's time
to pull out of the race.
I feel pretty confident
about tonight's debate.
You shouldn't, sir.
You should be terrified.
Maybe you should find
a little faith, young man.
You don't pay me
to have faith.
And we're the same age!
[ All cheering ]
-Aah!
-Whoa!
Oh. Sorry.
I-I was expecting --
A Rick partner?
Lesson one, rookie,
expect the unexpected.
Now, get in.
Mortys are human!
Get the fuck off the car,
you Rickless fuckin' animal!
Whoa!
Morty Cop: The election's
got these yellow shirts
more riled up than
a picture-day Jessica.
That's pretty harsh, sir.
So report me.
Nobody gives a fuck.
Look, I'm just saying,
it makes me a little sad
to hear a Morty cop
calling Mortys animals.
Well, it makes me sad to hear
another Rick cop
buying into his
sensitivity training.
Well, I'm glad to know
there's more like me.
Oh, there was one.
Why do you think that seat
was empty?
[ Radio beeps ]
Rick Dispatch: Robbery at Fifth
and [belches] Avenue.
Fifth and [belches]
That's Morty Town.
Unit seven responding.
[ Zaps ]
Ohh!
[ Siren wailing ]
Rick Teacher:
Good idea, Rick.
All Morty Students:
Good idea, Rick.
This is a great adventure.
All:
This is a great adventure.
I love being
your new Morty.
All: I love being
your new Mor--
Farty.
[ Laughter ]
Very amusing, Mr. Smith.
Almost as amusing as
when your first Rick
was decapitated on
Zorpantheon Nine.
Or was that
your third Rick?
How many Ricks
have you had?
Five.
I see.
So you are top of the class
in something.
[ Laughter ]
Tomorrow you'll be transferred
to your new Ricks.
Hopefully
they will be your last.
Yes, Slow Ri--
Tall Morty?
Di-- did I gradgitate
this time yet?
Anything's possible,
Tall Morty.
[ Groans ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Bell rings ]
I guess we won't be seeing
each other after this, huh?
I say we make
our last day count.
I say...we go to
the Wishing Portal.
That's a myth.
It's not a myth.
My first Rick's fourth Morty
knew a Rick
whose Morty went there.
If we're not here
for graduation,
our butts are gonna wind up
in Morty Town.
I thought your last Rick
fused you with a lizard,
not a chicken.
Okay, fine. I'm in.
Me too.
What the hell?!
I thought I saw a fly.
[ Alarm blaring ]
Supervisor Rick:
[ Whistles ]
Listen up, fuck nuts.
I've been your supervisor
for five years,
but all shitty things
must come to an end
and I have been promoted
to regional manager.
All: [ Blowing raspberries,
mock cheering ]
Yeah, I feel the same way,
may be never meet again.
Of course,
that makes the position
of supervisor available,
so, as of next week,
the ass you'll be kissing
will be that of...
K-83, affectionately
known as Cool Rick.
All: [ Grumbling ]
I know
I'm new to the Citadel,
and some of you might not think
I put in my time,
but what can I say?
I'm Cool Rick!
Yo! Ha! Ha!
Check me out!
All right knuckle[burps]heads,
any questions?
All right, then, back to work,
you gold rickers.
??
No Ricks,
no families,
high off their asses,
and running amuck.
Mortys are raised
to be sidekicks.
Without a side to kick,
they just start kicking.
They were --
they were about my height,
around 14 years old...
oh, their -- their shirts
were yellow!
Yeah, make sure
you get that down.
Any mutations,
augmentations?
Uh-- Three eyes? A tail?
Maybe a buzz cut?
No.
Just four normal Mortys.
Normal?
Put it in your blog.
Let me turn over
a few rocks.
Aw, geez.
Hey, what's goin' on, fellas?
Aw, geez, man.
Nothing, man.
We're just hanging out
and stuff.
I hear that.
Aw, geez.
I guess I'm supposed to be
figurin' out
who robbed the store
across the street.
But, aw, geez,
I don't know.
Aw, geez man, that sucks
that your Rick's
making you do that.
He's not my Rick.
He's my partner.
Aw, geez.
Well, maybe the uniform
makes a big difference,
who am I to say.
To me, you just look
like a sidekick.
Whoa!
Call me a sidekick
one more time!
Call me a sidekick!
Hey, man! Come on!
Aw, geez!
Wanna see
how I paint a wall?!
It was
the Morty Town Locos, man!
The --
the Morty Town Locos!
[ Groans ]
Aah! Aah!
Do you realize how many codes
you just violated?
Aw, geez, Rick.
What do I know about
knowin' stuff?
Get in the fuckin' car.
More lasers.
You could take more time
to answer the question
if you like.
Okay, Juggling Rick,
how would you solve
the Citadel's financial crisis?
First off,
can I just say
that I believe this Citadel
is the greatest
in the entire multi-verse.
Now, I believe
the answer to your question
has three parts.
First, education spending
must get much higher...
But it has to be balanced
with defense...
Whoa! Whoa!
Can we fact check
this please?
Never mind.
Who am I kidding.
This race is over.
[ Chainsaw whirring ]
And that's how you run
a Citadel!
[ All Ricks cheering ]
Candidate Morty,
the number of displaced Mortys
is soaring
while Rick satisfaction levels
are plummeting,
and the divide
between the two groups
has never been wider.
Solve that one real quick.
[ Ricks cheering, chuckling ]
I don't see a divide
between Ricks and Mortys --
Oh, shocker.
[ Farts ]
[ Laughter ]
I'd like to offer
a re-buttal.
[ Farts ]
Gentlemen, gentlemen,
I think we can all agree
on one thing --
[ Farts twice ]
Well, it came out
as two things
but you get the idea.
[ Laughter ]
You guys finished?
[ Laughing stops ]
The division I see
is between
the Ricks and Mortys
that like
the Citadel divided...
and the rest of us.
I see it everywhere I go.
I see it in our schools
where they teach Mortys
we're all the same,
because they're threatened by
what makes us unique.
I see it in our streets
where they give guns
to Mortys,
so we're too busy
fighting each other
to fight real injustice.
I see it in our factories
where Ricks work for a fraction
of their boss' salary
even though they're identical
and have the same IQ.
The Citadel's problem
isn't homeless Mortys
or outraged Ricks.
[ Screams ]
[ Gunshots ]
The Citadel's problem
is the Ricks and Mortys
feeding on
the Citadel's death...
Holy Shit!
[ Alarm sounding ]
Rick Security Officer:
He's headed for the flavor core!
But I've got
a message for them,
from the Ricks and Mortys
keeping it alive,
a message
from the Ricks and Mortys
that believe in this Citadel
to the Ricks and Mortys
that don't.
You're outnumbered.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Holy Shit.
I don't believe it.
I-I ca believe it.
I know.
That's why you're fired.
Sounds like
you're looking for work.
I can offer you
a very enticing
compensation package.
First,
let's talk benefits...
Daddy loves you.
That's Daddy's good girl.
Your life is a lie, man.
All your life's are lies!
All your life's are lies!
Don't you get it?!
They told us we were special
because we were Ricks,
but they stripped us of
everything that made us unique!
We know how you feel.
We're working-stiff Ricks
just like you.
but our assembly line
is justice.
What are your demands?
I-I-I want a portal gun.
Unregistered, untraceable,
with enough fluid to take me off
this God damn prison!
The media's outside.
Well, keep 'em there.
Anyway, so yeah, the suspect
says the Citadel's a lie,
built on lies,
and some other shit.
I say appreciate
the life you have,
because it can always
be worse.
Back to you, Ricks.
Thank you,
Rick 0716-C.
That fuckin' guy.
Tell me about it.
[ Clears throat ] Meanwhile,
in election news,
an unexpected turn of events
as Morty
from the Morty Party
soars to
the top of the polls.
[ Crowd saying
"Morty! Morty! Morty!" ]
Yes.
Morty, what's your
original reality and
where's your Rick?
Gosh, we moved around so much
it's hard to remember.
I see every Rick
as my Rick,
I hope they see me
as their Morty.
[ Crowd laughing agreeably ]
Another? Please?
With less water?
Hey, cheer up, pal.
A Morty's
gonna be president.
Imagine this kisser
getting blamed
for everything.
I guess I should've had
more faith.
It's not faith you need.
It's fear.
What's this?
It's secrets.
Wh-- wh-- wh--
what do you think it is?
Look at how I'm dressed.
Rick Reporter: Having taken aim
at the system,
are afraid at all
for your safety?
Candidate Morty:
I'd rather live in hope
than fear.
If I had to fear anything,
I'd fear other people
being afraid.
Of fear. Itself.
But. No, I'm not afraid.
Morty Town Loco #1:
Hey, Rick, man, when
there's a Morty president,
you gonna lick my balls
or what?
Sheeeet, grandson,
you keep me peelin' skrabquams
and slippin' nib nibs,
I'll lick whatever
ain't nailed down.
[ Laughter ]
[ Door crashes ]
Hands in the air!
What the hell, man?!
What the hellin' hell?
You guys doing a little
chemistry homework
with Grandpa?
Is this what
I think it is?
Bootleg portal fluid.
[ Screams ]
I guess his math was off.
Search the place.
[ Sobbing ]
Are -- are you...
my new...R-- Rick?
It's okay, Morty.
[ Grunts ]
[ Screams ]
Jesus.
He stabbed me.
He got me bad, Morty.
Shh. It's okay.
You're okay.
You were right.
[ Coughs ]
Everything I learned
at the academy was --
Doesn't matter.
Nothing's wrong
with putting your
faith in a Morty.
You just gotta pick
the right one.
Why is there a crib
in here?
Something they do.
To make you feel bad.
Boy, I got us knee-deep
in paperwork, huh?
Go to the car
and grab a medi-pack.
Let me worry about this.
What happened?
Same old story --
Mortys killing Mortys.
Almost...got it...
[ All yelping ]
Farmer Rick: Hey!
Y'all get the hell away
from my damn mega fruit!
[ All yelping ]
Sic 'em, boy!
[ Barking ]
I don't wear
this dag-nab hat
and commit
to this rural character
so you can eat for free
while you come of age!
I bet the Wishing Portal
leads to a reality
where they're --
where all --
where it's a bunch of
French toast with boobies.
I bet it leads to a place
with a bunch of fry --
fly -- flies everywhere.
Yeah, I bet it goes nowhere.
I bet it's a big hole
where the Citadel dumps
all its broken dreams.
Slick, why do you have to be
so dramatic?
You wanna know why?
Because of this.
I'm part of
an experimental line of Mortys
with a drama implant.
How do you think it feels,
Fat Morty,
to know that
no matter where I go,
I'll always be the one
that makes everybody sad
and a little bored.
Slick, that implant
isn't who you are, okay?
You also
roll up your sleeves.
I thought
I was Left-Handed Morty.
Then you should
use your left hand
to eat more vegetables.
Hey, there. How you doing?
Great to meet you.
I'm a plumber, sir.
I'm a Rick,
and I'm a plumber.
That doesn't sound like
Rick work.
You didn't come to the Citadel
to be a plumber, did you?
Ha! ha!
I sure didn't, sir!
Mr. Morty! Mr. Morty!
I cloned myself so you could
kiss me as a baby!
This is just like
a Morty baby!
[ All cheering ]
Hey, did you, uh,
end up getting a new job?
Yeah, I did.
Assassinating you.
[ Groans ]
[ Screams ]
I'm okay...
I'm okay...
I'm...
[ Groans ]
??
Aw, man. Aw, geez.
Aw, hah.
You look like you could use
a good time.
One dance for $10,
two for $25.
No, thank you --
and bad math.
Ha! Ha! Yeah!
This is a good time!
What is this place?
The Creepy Morty.
What is it your kind's
always saying --
"Don't think about it."
Come on.
There's someone important
I want you to meet.
Ah, Bubbala!
How'd it go with
the Morty Town Locos?
They had
a little accident.
They won't be causing
any trouble anymore.
Those were bad Mortys.
Very bad Mortys.
[ Snaps fingers ]
Big Morty
likes to contribute
to keeping the peace
in Morty Town.
Think of him
as a "drug lord"
and us as
cops on his payroll.
Morty...
-Which Morty?
-Which Morty?
M-- m-- my partner.
Morty, you're right.
Morty Town is bad.
But that doesn't mean
that we have to be.
Hey, what's going on here,
Morty?
-Which Morty?
-Which Morty?
The cop, morons!
Don't worry about Rick,
Big Morty.
He's new.
He doesn't understand
how it works.
That's what you said
about your last partner.
Why would you say something
like that, Big Morty?
You're fuckin' things up
for both of us here.
Wrong.
He's fuckin' things up
for both of you.
Unless he takes
the money.
Big Morty,
you're under arrest.
S-- smartest man
in the universe.
[ Grunts ]
[ All shouting, gunfire ]
They're just props!
Th-- they're just props!
[ Groans ]
Not so big now,
are ya?
I never was!
It was figurative!
That's enough.
If we don't kill him,
he'll talk.
If you do, I'll talk.
Cowboy Morty:
O-- one thing's for sure,
Y-- y'all don't have to worry
about Cowboy Morty talkin'.
This little cowpoke's gonna
mosey up on out of here.
You told me to put my faith
in the right Morty.
I've got faith in you,
partner.
Do the right thing.
Oh, Grandpa Rick,
I-I don't wanna be
on the Citadel anymore.
I wanna be a regular kid.
I-I wanna to go to school
and throw balls around
and masturbate.
[ Sirens wailing ]
What the hell happened
in there?
Same old story.
Ricks killing Mortys.
Okay, man, okay,
we got your portal gun.
What the hell's
he doing?
[ Groans ]
Where -- where am I?
A bad place.
But you're going
to a better one soon.
Hey! Hey!
No, no, no, no...
Whaa--
God damn it!
A portal to
the blender dimension?
That's the oldest trick
in the book!
I'm a Rick!
I'm more Rick than any of you!
Then you should know
you just killed your
only leverage!
Then comes and get me,
motherfucker!
[ Guns cock ]
[ Buzzing ]
Stop.
I'm Rick D. Sanchez the Third,
owner of this here
wafer establishment,
and I say that the Rick in there
is right.
He's more Rick
than any of you.
He's a terrorist!
What Rick isn't?!
This Citadel
was founded by Ricks
for Ricks to be free!
What's your name,
young man?
Rick. And I'm --
The same age as me,
I know.
How long
have you worked here?
15 years.
What the hell
have we become?
Whatever time
you were gonna make him serve,
he's served it.
It ends now.
Come with me, friend.
Where are we going?
To your new life.
Which starts with walking
the fuck out of here.
-Yo J-22, give 'em hell!
-[ Burps ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Sam Elliot:
There's a Rick that held
a factory hostage
after murdering his boss
and several coworkers.
The factory made cookies,
flavored them with lies.
He made us all take a look
at what we were doing.
And in the bargain,
he got a taste of real freedom.
??
[ Gunshot ]
We captured that taste,
and we keep giving it to him
so he give it
right back to you,
in every bite of new
Simple Rick
Freedom Wafer Selects.
Come home to the unique flavor
of shattering
the grand illusion.
Come home to Simple Rick.
It is real.
[ Grunts ]
After you.
Specs: There it is.
The Wishing Portal.
They say for your wish
to come true,
you have to give up something
really important.
For me,
that's my panini maker.
I wish for
a million sandwiches.
And, yes,
I see the irony.
I guess
I wish I had something cooler
than this dumbass
surfer necklace.
I wish incest porn had --
had a more mainstream
appeal.
For --
for a friend of mine.
None of those things
are gonna happen, you know.
Morty wishes
never come true.
Not on the Citadel.
Then why did you
bring us here?
Because I wish
that would change.
I wish anything about this life
would change.
Well, I hope you're
putting something
pretty God damn important
in there.
Me too.
But I doubt it.
-No!
-Slick!
M-- maybe...
maybe it went
somewhere nice.
Automated Rick:
Garbage dump.
Stand [burp] back.
He had to be stopped.
He -- he cou-- he c--
couldn't be allowed to win.
Then you should've [burps]
worked on your aim, bro.
He's alive? No, no, no.
You gotta listen to me.
I-I worked for him.
I was his campaign manager.
That Morty
is not what he seems.
Yeah, well, no Morty
seems like a president.
He...won?
Yeah.
It was a blow out.
I would hardly call it
a blow out.
It was almost close enough
to trigger a recount.
Jesus. What are you
joke security now too?
Rick Cop:
Why am I still here?
I heard he confessed
to everything.
Your case has been reviewed.
You're free to go.
But...I violated at least
a dozen departmental codes.
New department.
New codes.
New Citadel.
Specs:
Did we miss graduation?
Where are the new Ricks?
No graduation.
No new Ricks.
The school's curriculum
is changing.
To what?
I don't know,
and I don't have to know.
I've been fired.
[ Burping ]
Good luck, turds.
Holy crap.
Slick's wish came true.
Sorry I'm late,
Mr. President.
Had a little crisis
at work.
Worth it!
It's no problem.
Uh, a little more
off the top.
You were saying,
Garment District Rick.
We were saying,
"President" Morty,
that we don't care
who sits in that seat.
A Rick, a Morty,
a god damn Jerry --
it doesn't matter.
We've been running the Citadel
since before the council
and you'll find that we're
still running it now.
Does he really speak
for everyone here?
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah.
Well, I think it's important
to be clear.
Raise your hand
if he speaks for you.
[ All screaming ]
Is...that enough
off the top?
I don't know. Is it?
-Yes, yes, god damn, yes.
-I think it's great.
Good.
This seems like
a good time for a drink
and a cold calculated speech
with sinister overtones.
A speech about politics...
About order...
Brotherhood...
...Power.
But speeches
are for campaigning.
Now is the time for action.
??
[ Blond Redhead's
"For the Damaged" plays ]
? Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah
? Ah, ah-ah
? Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah
? Ah, ah-ah
??
??
? Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah
? Ah, ah-ah
? Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah
? Ah, ah-ah
??
??
Whoo!
[ Laughs ] Yeah!
Atlantis, baby!
That was amazing.
You got some of that
mermaid puss.
I'm really hoping it
wasn't a one-off thing
and I can see her again.
By the way, hey, um,
you're still not
curious about what
what might've happened
at that crazy Citadel place?
Psh. Not at all, Morty.
That place will never have
any bearing over our lives
ever again.
Unlike that mermaid puss!
[ Laughs ] Whoo!
Yeah! We're going back
for seconds!
Yeah! Yeah! Whoo!
We're gonna do that shit
every week, man!
That was Atlantis!
Oh, shit!
you ready for our adventure
to the Lost City
of Atlantis?
Ready as I'll ever be,
Rick.
[ Portal opens ]
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Hello, I'm Rick K-22.
This is my Morty.
We're going from
reality to reality
asking Ricks to contribute
to the Citadel of Ricks
Redevelopment Fund.
What are you, stupid?
We're done with
the Citadel of Ricks.
I was [burps] never on board
with it in the first place.
That's why
I murdered everyone in charge
and left it to rot.
Oh, that was you.
They tried
to murder him first.
Aw, geez.
Well,
you'll be happy to know
that the council's
gone now --
Yeah, he knows.
He murdered them.
You want to rein in
your Morty?
Every day.
The Citadel of Ricks
Redevelopment Fund
donates --
Morty, he's not gonna
[burps] donate.
You're pitching
the Policeman's Ball
to a black teenager here.
Let's go.
You don't have to be
a dick.
I think you know
that's not true.
Geez.
I didn't know there were
still Ricks and Mortys
living on the Citadel.
I wonder what their
day-to-day lives are like.
Well, you can keep
wondering that
while we go
on a fun, fresh,
self-contained adventure
to Atlantis.
Anyone continuing to
explore the Citadel
is either stupid
or one of
the unfortunate millions
held hostage
by their terrible ideas.
Man, I'm glad
I'm not one of them!
? Somewhere out on
that horizon ?
? Out beyond the neon lights
? I know there must be
somethin' better ?
? But there's nowhere else
in sight ?
? It's survival in the city
? When you live
from day to day ?
? City streets
don't have much pity ?
? When you're down,
that's where you'll stay ?
??
Announcer Rick:
Citadel Morning News.
News about the Citadel
in the morning,
pretty self explanatory.
Good morning.
I'm Rick D-716B.
And I'm Rick D-716.
Must be nice.
Coming up, gravity outages
in East Sanchez Heights...
And, is your uranium-powered
cellular matrix
making you sick?
The answer
may not surprise you.
It's --
yes, it's uranium.
Those stories and more,
after this break.
Sam Elliot: 60 iterations
off the central finite curve,
there's a Rick
that works more with wood
than polarity plating.
His name is Simple Rick
but he's no dummy.
He realized long ago
that the greatest thing
he'd ever create
was his daughter.
I love Daddy!
Sam Elliot:
We captured that moment --
We run it on a loop
through Simple Rick's mind --
And the chemical
it makes his brain secrete
goes into every Simple Rick's
"Simple Wafers" Wafer Cookie.
Come home to
the impossible flavor
of your own completion.
Come home to Simple Rick's.
Just one day remains
before our
newly democratic Citadel
elects its first President,
it's anyone's race
among the Rick candidates.
But a certain
other candidate
should be getting
at least one vote
for most adorable.
That's right.
The Morty party candidate's
still in the race,
and you just gotta
love him for that.
Here you see him in his little
Morty suit waving --
Isn't that adorable?
Little jackass.
Uh, yeah,
I think we actually have
the audio
for his speech here --
[ As Morty, poorly ]
Aw, geez. Aw, man.
I'm gonna lose the election
and stuff.
[ Both laugh ]
We had a good run, sir,
but I think it's time
to pull out of the race.
I feel pretty confident
about tonight's debate.
You shouldn't, sir.
You should be terrified.
Maybe you should find
a little faith, young man.
You don't pay me
to have faith.
And we're the same age!
[ All cheering ]
-Aah!
-Whoa!
Oh. Sorry.
I-I was expecting --
A Rick partner?
Lesson one, rookie,
expect the unexpected.
Now, get in.
Mortys are human!
Get the fuck off the car,
you Rickless fuckin' animal!
Whoa!
Morty Cop: The election's
got these yellow shirts
more riled up than
a picture-day Jessica.
That's pretty harsh, sir.
So report me.
Nobody gives a fuck.
Look, I'm just saying,
it makes me a little sad
to hear a Morty cop
calling Mortys animals.
Well, it makes me sad to hear
another Rick cop
buying into his
sensitivity training.
Well, I'm glad to know
there's more like me.
Oh, there was one.
Why do you think that seat
was empty?
[ Radio beeps ]
Rick Dispatch: Robbery at Fifth
and [belches] Avenue.
Fifth and [belches]
That's Morty Town.
Unit seven responding.
[ Zaps ]
Ohh!
[ Siren wailing ]
Rick Teacher:
Good idea, Rick.
All Morty Students:
Good idea, Rick.
This is a great adventure.
All:
This is a great adventure.
I love being
your new Morty.
All: I love being
your new Mor--
Farty.
[ Laughter ]
Very amusing, Mr. Smith.
Almost as amusing as
when your first Rick
was decapitated on
Zorpantheon Nine.
Or was that
your third Rick?
How many Ricks
have you had?
Five.
I see.
So you are top of the class
in something.
[ Laughter ]
Tomorrow you'll be transferred
to your new Ricks.
Hopefully
they will be your last.
Yes, Slow Ri--
Tall Morty?
Di-- did I gradgitate
this time yet?
Anything's possible,
Tall Morty.
[ Groans ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Bell rings ]
I guess we won't be seeing
each other after this, huh?
I say we make
our last day count.
I say...we go to
the Wishing Portal.
That's a myth.
It's not a myth.
My first Rick's fourth Morty
knew a Rick
whose Morty went there.
If we're not here
for graduation,
our butts are gonna wind up
in Morty Town.
I thought your last Rick
fused you with a lizard,
not a chicken.
Okay, fine. I'm in.
Me too.
What the hell?!
I thought I saw a fly.
[ Alarm blaring ]
Supervisor Rick:
[ Whistles ]
Listen up, fuck nuts.
I've been your supervisor
for five years,
but all shitty things
must come to an end
and I have been promoted
to regional manager.
All: [ Blowing raspberries,
mock cheering ]
Yeah, I feel the same way,
may be never meet again.
Of course,
that makes the position
of supervisor available,
so, as of next week,
the ass you'll be kissing
will be that of...
K-83, affectionately
known as Cool Rick.
All: [ Grumbling ]
I know
I'm new to the Citadel,
and some of you might not think
I put in my time,
but what can I say?
I'm Cool Rick!
Yo! Ha! Ha!
Check me out!
All right knuckle[burps]heads,
any questions?
All right, then, back to work,
you gold rickers.
??
No Ricks,
no families,
high off their asses,
and running amuck.
Mortys are raised
to be sidekicks.
Without a side to kick,
they just start kicking.
They were --
they were about my height,
around 14 years old...
oh, their -- their shirts
were yellow!
Yeah, make sure
you get that down.
Any mutations,
augmentations?
Uh-- Three eyes? A tail?
Maybe a buzz cut?
No.
Just four normal Mortys.
Normal?
Put it in your blog.
Let me turn over
a few rocks.
Aw, geez.
Hey, what's goin' on, fellas?
Aw, geez, man.
Nothing, man.
We're just hanging out
and stuff.
I hear that.
Aw, geez.
I guess I'm supposed to be
figurin' out
who robbed the store
across the street.
But, aw, geez,
I don't know.
Aw, geez man, that sucks
that your Rick's
making you do that.
He's not my Rick.
He's my partner.
Aw, geez.
Well, maybe the uniform
makes a big difference,
who am I to say.
To me, you just look
like a sidekick.
Whoa!
Call me a sidekick
one more time!
Call me a sidekick!
Hey, man! Come on!
Aw, geez!
Wanna see
how I paint a wall?!
It was
the Morty Town Locos, man!
The --
the Morty Town Locos!
[ Groans ]
Aah! Aah!
Do you realize how many codes
you just violated?
Aw, geez, Rick.
What do I know about
knowin' stuff?
Get in the fuckin' car.
More lasers.
You could take more time
to answer the question
if you like.
Okay, Juggling Rick,
how would you solve
the Citadel's financial crisis?
First off,
can I just say
that I believe this Citadel
is the greatest
in the entire multi-verse.
Now, I believe
the answer to your question
has three parts.
First, education spending
must get much higher...
But it has to be balanced
with defense...
Whoa! Whoa!
Can we fact check
this please?
Never mind.
Who am I kidding.
This race is over.
[ Chainsaw whirring ]
And that's how you run
a Citadel!
[ All Ricks cheering ]
Candidate Morty,
the number of displaced Mortys
is soaring
while Rick satisfaction levels
are plummeting,
and the divide
between the two groups
has never been wider.
Solve that one real quick.
[ Ricks cheering, chuckling ]
I don't see a divide
between Ricks and Mortys --
Oh, shocker.
[ Farts ]
[ Laughter ]
I'd like to offer
a re-buttal.
[ Farts ]
Gentlemen, gentlemen,
I think we can all agree
on one thing --
[ Farts twice ]
Well, it came out
as two things
but you get the idea.
[ Laughter ]
You guys finished?
[ Laughing stops ]
The division I see
is between
the Ricks and Mortys
that like
the Citadel divided...
and the rest of us.
I see it everywhere I go.
I see it in our schools
where they teach Mortys
we're all the same,
because they're threatened by
what makes us unique.
I see it in our streets
where they give guns
to Mortys,
so we're too busy
fighting each other
to fight real injustice.
I see it in our factories
where Ricks work for a fraction
of their boss' salary
even though they're identical
and have the same IQ.
The Citadel's problem
isn't homeless Mortys
or outraged Ricks.
[ Screams ]
[ Gunshots ]
The Citadel's problem
is the Ricks and Mortys
feeding on
the Citadel's death...
Holy Shit!
[ Alarm sounding ]
Rick Security Officer:
He's headed for the flavor core!
But I've got
a message for them,
from the Ricks and Mortys
keeping it alive,
a message
from the Ricks and Mortys
that believe in this Citadel
to the Ricks and Mortys
that don't.
You're outnumbered.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Holy Shit.
I don't believe it.
I-I ca believe it.
I know.
That's why you're fired.
Sounds like
you're looking for work.
I can offer you
a very enticing
compensation package.
First,
let's talk benefits...
Daddy loves you.
That's Daddy's good girl.
Your life is a lie, man.
All your life's are lies!
All your life's are lies!
Don't you get it?!
They told us we were special
because we were Ricks,
but they stripped us of
everything that made us unique!
We know how you feel.
We're working-stiff Ricks
just like you.
but our assembly line
is justice.
What are your demands?
I-I-I want a portal gun.
Unregistered, untraceable,
with enough fluid to take me off
this God damn prison!
The media's outside.
Well, keep 'em there.
Anyway, so yeah, the suspect
says the Citadel's a lie,
built on lies,
and some other shit.
I say appreciate
the life you have,
because it can always
be worse.
Back to you, Ricks.
Thank you,
Rick 0716-C.
That fuckin' guy.
Tell me about it.
[ Clears throat ] Meanwhile,
in election news,
an unexpected turn of events
as Morty
from the Morty Party
soars to
the top of the polls.
[ Crowd saying
"Morty! Morty! Morty!" ]
Yes.
Morty, what's your
original reality and
where's your Rick?
Gosh, we moved around so much
it's hard to remember.
I see every Rick
as my Rick,
I hope they see me
as their Morty.
[ Crowd laughing agreeably ]
Another? Please?
With less water?
Hey, cheer up, pal.
A Morty's
gonna be president.
Imagine this kisser
getting blamed
for everything.
I guess I should've had
more faith.
It's not faith you need.
It's fear.
What's this?
It's secrets.
Wh-- wh-- wh--
what do you think it is?
Look at how I'm dressed.
Rick Reporter: Having taken aim
at the system,
are afraid at all
for your safety?
Candidate Morty:
I'd rather live in hope
than fear.
If I had to fear anything,
I'd fear other people
being afraid.
Of fear. Itself.
But. No, I'm not afraid.
Morty Town Loco #1:
Hey, Rick, man, when
there's a Morty president,
you gonna lick my balls
or what?
Sheeeet, grandson,
you keep me peelin' skrabquams
and slippin' nib nibs,
I'll lick whatever
ain't nailed down.
[ Laughter ]
[ Door crashes ]
Hands in the air!
What the hell, man?!
What the hellin' hell?
You guys doing a little
chemistry homework
with Grandpa?
Is this what
I think it is?
Bootleg portal fluid.
[ Screams ]
I guess his math was off.
Search the place.
[ Sobbing ]
Are -- are you...
my new...R-- Rick?
It's okay, Morty.
[ Grunts ]
[ Screams ]
Jesus.
He stabbed me.
He got me bad, Morty.
Shh. It's okay.
You're okay.
You were right.
[ Coughs ]
Everything I learned
at the academy was --
Doesn't matter.
Nothing's wrong
with putting your
faith in a Morty.
You just gotta pick
the right one.
Why is there a crib
in here?
Something they do.
To make you feel bad.
Boy, I got us knee-deep
in paperwork, huh?
Go to the car
and grab a medi-pack.
Let me worry about this.
What happened?
Same old story --
Mortys killing Mortys.
Almost...got it...
[ All yelping ]
Farmer Rick: Hey!
Y'all get the hell away
from my damn mega fruit!
[ All yelping ]
Sic 'em, boy!
[ Barking ]
I don't wear
this dag-nab hat
and commit
to this rural character
so you can eat for free
while you come of age!
I bet the Wishing Portal
leads to a reality
where they're --
where all --
where it's a bunch of
French toast with boobies.
I bet it leads to a place
with a bunch of fry --
fly -- flies everywhere.
Yeah, I bet it goes nowhere.
I bet it's a big hole
where the Citadel dumps
all its broken dreams.
Slick, why do you have to be
so dramatic?
You wanna know why?
Because of this.
I'm part of
an experimental line of Mortys
with a drama implant.
How do you think it feels,
Fat Morty,
to know that
no matter where I go,
I'll always be the one
that makes everybody sad
and a little bored.
Slick, that implant
isn't who you are, okay?
You also
roll up your sleeves.
I thought
I was Left-Handed Morty.
Then you should
use your left hand
to eat more vegetables.
Hey, there. How you doing?
Great to meet you.
I'm a plumber, sir.
I'm a Rick,
and I'm a plumber.
That doesn't sound like
Rick work.
You didn't come to the Citadel
to be a plumber, did you?
Ha! ha!
I sure didn't, sir!
Mr. Morty! Mr. Morty!
I cloned myself so you could
kiss me as a baby!
This is just like
a Morty baby!
[ All cheering ]
Hey, did you, uh,
end up getting a new job?
Yeah, I did.
Assassinating you.
[ Groans ]
[ Screams ]
I'm okay...
I'm okay...
I'm...
[ Groans ]
??
Aw, man. Aw, geez.
Aw, hah.
You look like you could use
a good time.
One dance for $10,
two for $25.
No, thank you --
and bad math.
Ha! Ha! Yeah!
This is a good time!
What is this place?
The Creepy Morty.
What is it your kind's
always saying --
"Don't think about it."
Come on.
There's someone important
I want you to meet.
Ah, Bubbala!
How'd it go with
the Morty Town Locos?
They had
a little accident.
They won't be causing
any trouble anymore.
Those were bad Mortys.
Very bad Mortys.
[ Snaps fingers ]
Big Morty
likes to contribute
to keeping the peace
in Morty Town.
Think of him
as a "drug lord"
and us as
cops on his payroll.
Morty...
-Which Morty?
-Which Morty?
M-- m-- my partner.
Morty, you're right.
Morty Town is bad.
But that doesn't mean
that we have to be.
Hey, what's going on here,
Morty?
-Which Morty?
-Which Morty?
The cop, morons!
Don't worry about Rick,
Big Morty.
He's new.
He doesn't understand
how it works.
That's what you said
about your last partner.
Why would you say something
like that, Big Morty?
You're fuckin' things up
for both of us here.
Wrong.
He's fuckin' things up
for both of you.
Unless he takes
the money.
Big Morty,
you're under arrest.
S-- smartest man
in the universe.
[ Grunts ]
[ All shouting, gunfire ]
They're just props!
Th-- they're just props!
[ Groans ]
Not so big now,
are ya?
I never was!
It was figurative!
That's enough.
If we don't kill him,
he'll talk.
If you do, I'll talk.
Cowboy Morty:
O-- one thing's for sure,
Y-- y'all don't have to worry
about Cowboy Morty talkin'.
This little cowpoke's gonna
mosey up on out of here.
You told me to put my faith
in the right Morty.
I've got faith in you,
partner.
Do the right thing.
Oh, Grandpa Rick,
I-I don't wanna be
on the Citadel anymore.
I wanna be a regular kid.
I-I wanna to go to school
and throw balls around
and masturbate.
[ Sirens wailing ]
What the hell happened
in there?
Same old story.
Ricks killing Mortys.
Okay, man, okay,
we got your portal gun.
What the hell's
he doing?
[ Groans ]
Where -- where am I?
A bad place.
But you're going
to a better one soon.
Hey! Hey!
No, no, no, no...
Whaa--
God damn it!
A portal to
the blender dimension?
That's the oldest trick
in the book!
I'm a Rick!
I'm more Rick than any of you!
Then you should know
you just killed your
only leverage!
Then comes and get me,
motherfucker!
[ Guns cock ]
[ Buzzing ]
Stop.
I'm Rick D. Sanchez the Third,
owner of this here
wafer establishment,
and I say that the Rick in there
is right.
He's more Rick
than any of you.
He's a terrorist!
What Rick isn't?!
This Citadel
was founded by Ricks
for Ricks to be free!
What's your name,
young man?
Rick. And I'm --
The same age as me,
I know.
How long
have you worked here?
15 years.
What the hell
have we become?
Whatever time
you were gonna make him serve,
he's served it.
It ends now.
Come with me, friend.
Where are we going?
To your new life.
Which starts with walking
the fuck out of here.
-Yo J-22, give 'em hell!
-[ Burps ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Sam Elliot:
There's a Rick that held
a factory hostage
after murdering his boss
and several coworkers.
The factory made cookies,
flavored them with lies.
He made us all take a look
at what we were doing.
And in the bargain,
he got a taste of real freedom.
??
[ Gunshot ]
We captured that taste,
and we keep giving it to him
so he give it
right back to you,
in every bite of new
Simple Rick
Freedom Wafer Selects.
Come home to the unique flavor
of shattering
the grand illusion.
Come home to Simple Rick.
It is real.
[ Grunts ]
After you.
Specs: There it is.
The Wishing Portal.
They say for your wish
to come true,
you have to give up something
really important.
For me,
that's my panini maker.
I wish for
a million sandwiches.
And, yes,
I see the irony.
I guess
I wish I had something cooler
than this dumbass
surfer necklace.
I wish incest porn had --
had a more mainstream
appeal.
For --
for a friend of mine.
None of those things
are gonna happen, you know.
Morty wishes
never come true.
Not on the Citadel.
Then why did you
bring us here?
Because I wish
that would change.
I wish anything about this life
would change.
Well, I hope you're
putting something
pretty God damn important
in there.
Me too.
But I doubt it.
-No!
-Slick!
M-- maybe...
maybe it went
somewhere nice.
Automated Rick:
Garbage dump.
Stand [burp] back.
He had to be stopped.
He -- he cou-- he c--
couldn't be allowed to win.
Then you should've [burps]
worked on your aim, bro.
He's alive? No, no, no.
You gotta listen to me.
I-I worked for him.
I was his campaign manager.
That Morty
is not what he seems.
Yeah, well, no Morty
seems like a president.
He...won?
Yeah.
It was a blow out.
I would hardly call it
a blow out.
It was almost close enough
to trigger a recount.
Jesus. What are you
joke security now too?
Rick Cop:
Why am I still here?
I heard he confessed
to everything.
Your case has been reviewed.
You're free to go.
But...I violated at least
a dozen departmental codes.
New department.
New codes.
New Citadel.
Specs:
Did we miss graduation?
Where are the new Ricks?
No graduation.
No new Ricks.
The school's curriculum
is changing.
To what?
I don't know,
and I don't have to know.
I've been fired.
[ Burping ]
Good luck, turds.
Holy crap.
Slick's wish came true.
Sorry I'm late,
Mr. President.
Had a little crisis
at work.
Worth it!
It's no problem.
Uh, a little more
off the top.
You were saying,
Garment District Rick.
We were saying,
"President" Morty,
that we don't care
who sits in that seat.
A Rick, a Morty,
a god damn Jerry --
it doesn't matter.
We've been running the Citadel
since before the council
and you'll find that we're
still running it now.
Does he really speak
for everyone here?
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah.
Well, I think it's important
to be clear.
Raise your hand
if he speaks for you.
[ All screaming ]
Is...that enough
off the top?
I don't know. Is it?
-Yes, yes, god damn, yes.
-I think it's great.
Good.
This seems like
a good time for a drink
and a cold calculated speech
with sinister overtones.
A speech about politics...
About order...
Brotherhood...
...Power.
But speeches
are for campaigning.
Now is the time for action.
??
[ Blond Redhead's
"For the Damaged" plays ]
? Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah
? Ah, ah-ah
? Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah
? Ah, ah-ah
??
??
? Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah
? Ah, ah-ah
? Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah
? Ah, ah-ah
??
??
Whoo!
[ Laughs ] Yeah!
Atlantis, baby!
That was amazing.
You got some of that
mermaid puss.
I'm really hoping it
wasn't a one-off thing
and I can see her again.
By the way, hey, um,
you're still not
curious about what
what might've happened
at that crazy Citadel place?
Psh. Not at all, Morty.
That place will never have
any bearing over our lives
ever again.
Unlike that mermaid puss!
[ Laughs ] Whoo!
Yeah! We're going back
for seconds!
Yeah! Yeah! Whoo!
We're gonna do that shit
every week, man!
That was Atlantis!
Oh, shit!