Rick and Morty (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Mortynight Run - full transcript
Rick and Morty try to save a gas life form while Jerry resides in a daycare made for Jerrys.
RICK:
Learning to fly this thing, Morty,
is gonna be
really liberating.
You know, you're
gonna be free
to go on all kinds of errands for me.
- Cool.
See that planet
right there?
Don't fly too close
to that planet.
Someone will come out and
try to wash your windshield.
[ Ringtone plays ]
Hold on.
[cellphone beeps]
Yeah?
Yeah, I have it.
Where do you
want to meet?
All right, cool.
[cellphone beeps]
All right, Morty,
lesson's over.
We got some business
to attend to
a few light minutes
south of here.
Oh, you still use
south in space?
Whoa! Jesus, Jerry!
What the hell
are you doing here?!
What are you
talking about?
We agreed a boy's father
should be present
when he's learning
to drive.
I guess I
remember that.
Wow. And you've just been
back there this whole time?
Amazing.
Well, we don't have time
to take him to Earth, Morty.
Head for 3924917.
Cool!
[ laughs ]
Looks like I'm coming along
for an adventure!
Yep,
[ sighs ]
MORTY:
This is where we're going?
RICK:
Nope.
This is.
You can park in
a handicap spot, Morty.
Anything with
less than eight limbs
is considered
disabled here.
WOMAN: Well, look at this fella.
Aren't you handsome?
Thank you.
[ chuckles ]
- I'm Jerry.
- Oh, I know you are.
Did you come here
in a spaceship?
I'm traveling with my son
and father-in-law.
W-wait.
Are they coming?
Oh, they'll
be back soon.
What?!
I don't know
how this works!
Help me!
What the hell?!
I know, right?
Oh, what the hell?!
I know, right?
MORTY:
Jerryboree!?
You created
a day care for my Dad?
Are you kidding?
I wish I had this idea.
Well, I did
have this idea,
but I wish I was the version
of me that owned it.
That guy's rich.
Don't forget to check
the reason for your drop-off.
Trust me, Morty, I've heard
stories from other Ricks.
Jerrys don't tend to last
five minutes off of earth.
This is a totally unregistered
cross-temporal asteroid.
Here, they can romp and
play with other Jerrys.
He couldn't be safer.
Hey, Morty,
hang on to this.
That number's your dad.
If you lose it, we're not gonna
be able to get him back.
♪♪
[ electricity crackles ]
♪♪
- Okay, wait here.
- I want to come with.
Don't come with.
It's boring.
It's [belches] --
it's business stuff.
What kind of business
do you do in a garage?
You know, this seems
a little shady.
Right, yeah, like nothing
shady ever happened
in a fully
furnished office?
You ever hear
about Wall Street, Morty?
Y-you know
what those guys do
in -- in --
in their fancy boardrooms?
They take their balls
and they dip them in cocaine
and wipe them
all over each other.
You know,
Grandpa goes around,
and he does
his business in public,
because Grandpa
isn't shady.
Aw, crap.
Hey, what's up?
Hey, Rick!
[laughs]
Here you go --
3,000 flerbos.
Do you have
the weapon?
C-can we please?
This is my
grandson, Morty.
Oh, hi, Morty.
I'm Krombopulos Michael.
I'm an assassin.
I buy guns from your grandpa.
[groans]
Here. Go away.
Ooh! Yeah,
this looks deadly.
So, this shoots
antimatter?
My target can't be killed
with regular matter.
Nice to meet you, Morty.
Listen, if you ever need
anybody murdered,
please give me a call.
- I'm very discreet.
- You're g-giving him a card'?!
I have no
code of ethics.
I will kill anyone,
anywhere --
Children, animals, old people --
doesn't matter.
I just love killing.
You sell weapons
to killers for money?
[ Groans ] You've got what
the intergalactic call
a very planetary
mind-set, Morty.
It's more complicated
out here.
These are flerbos.
Do you understand what
two humans can accomplish
with 3,000 of these?
- Uh, what?
An entire afternoon
at Blips and Chitz!
Oh, this place
is the best.
It's got beer,
games, prizes,
and you can never tell
what time it is.
You sold a gun to a murderer
so you could play video games?!
Yeah, sure, I mean, if you spend
all day shuffling words around,
you can make anything
sound bad, Morty.
- Here, check this out.
- [coin drops]
[Whoosh! ]
Aah!
[ breathing heavily]
Roy, what's wrong?
I had a nightmare.
I was with an old man.
He put a helmet on me.
It's just a fever.
Get some sleep.
I don't want you
missing school on Monday.
[ Bell rings]
MAN: I want you kids
to look around you today
and think about
your future.
Now is the time in your life
when anything is possible.
ANNOUNCER:
Spiraling perfectly!
It's gonna be caught
by Roy Parsons!
Roy Parsons
is at the 20!
Now he's at the 10!
Nothing can stop
Roy "The Rocket"!
- Touchdown!
[cheers and applause]
I just think
it's time to get realistic.
Have you talked to my father
about the Carpet Store?
Roy?
[signs]
[cellphone rings]
Had we caught it sooner --
Well, hindsight is 20/20, Roy.
What's important
is that we move quickly.
[ Monitor beeps ]
[weakly ]
I'm not ready to die.
You're not going to.
Yeah!
Whoo! Yeah!
Hey, thanks
for the carpet, Roy.
MAN: Hey, Roy, you pulled
those Persian off-white shags
for the clearance sale?
Whoa. Sh--
shit!
[ Bones crack]
Oh!
[ Beeping ]
Whoa! What the hell?!
W-w-where am I?!
- What in the hell?!
- 55 years. Not bad, Morty.
You kind of wasted
your 30s, though,
with that
whole bird-watching phase.
W-where's my wife?!
Morty, you were just
playing a game.
It's called "Roy."
Snap out of it.
Come on.
I'm Morty. You're Rick.
Hey! You sold a gun
to a guy that kills people!
Look at this --
you beat cancer,
and then you went back
to work at the carpet store?
Boo!
D-don't dodge
the issue, Rick!
Selling a gun to a hit man is
the same as pulling the trigger!
It's also the same
as doing nothing.
If Krombopulos Michael
wants someone dead,
there's not a lot
anyone can do to stop him.
That's why he does it
for a living.
Now excuse me. It's time
to thrash your "Roy" score.
You know, you could stop this
killing from happening, Rick!
You know, you did a bad thing
selling that gun,
but you could undo it
if you wanted.
Uh-huh, yeah,
that's the difference
between you and me,
Morty.
I never go back
to the carpet store.
Holy shit!
This guy's taking
Roy off the grid!
[all gasp]
This guy doesn't have a
social security number for Roy!
[all murmuring]
Hi. I'm sorry.
I think there was
a misunderstanding.
I'm an adult and would like
to go home, please.
Well, of course.
Right through that tube.
Unbelievable.
You're doing great.
I know how to crawl
in a tube.
[sighs]
Come on.
Oh.
This is harder
than it looks.
Whoa!
- Marco?
- Polo!
[ laughs]
Marco?
Come find me.
Marco?
You guys
are enjoying this?
Don't you feel
a little patronized?
How so?
- Jerry!
- Beth.
Oh, come on.
This is ridiculous.
I love you, Jerry.
Aw, Beth.
Who wants to come watch
"Midnight Run"
with Director's
commentary on?
- Yeah!
- Definitely.
First one there gets to adjust
the picture setting!
[ Gasps ]
The factory tint setting is always too high!
Out of my way.
The tint setting
is always too high.
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
♪♪
[ smooches ]
Oh, boy.
Here I go killing again.
Aah!
Aah!
- Arh!
[ neck snaps ]
Aah!
[scanner chirping]
- Aah!
[neck snaps]
[warbling ]
You have arrived
at Krombopulos Michael.
Your destination is below.
We're all out
of off-white Persian.
Oh, man!
W-w-what have I done?!
- Drop the gun.
- You don't understand!
This guy
was gonna kill someone!
I guess
that makes two of us.
[ Rifle charging ]
Aah!
What are you
doing, Morty?
This is a Galactic
Federation outpost!
Look, I don't have time
to tell you my entire backstory,
but Grandpa and government
don't get along.
ALIEN:
He saved my life.
- What?
- Huh?! Whoa!
Are you
Krombopulos Michael's target?
W-what's your name?
My kind
has no use for names.
I communicate through what
you call "Jessica's Feet" --
No, "Telepathy."
Oh, good job, Morty.
Y-you killed
my best customer,
but you saved
a mind-reading Fart.
I like this name --
Fart.
Morty, would you
kindly release me
by pulling that lever
to the left of my cell?
lam in great pain.
RICK:
Morty, don't do it.
Morty...
- Morty, you idiot.
[alarm blaring ]
Oh, crap.
Let's get you out of here!
We can't get him out of here.
He's gaseous.
He's not gonna make it
through a portal, Morty.
Well, then, I guess we're all
getting in the car.
Right, uh --
- Fart.
No! Just --
j-just get in the car!
Morty, come on.
I want to go back
to Blips and Chitz.
I don't want to deal
with this.
Rick, you've been clear
on the fact
that you don't want to help,
so just go away.
More are coming.
Screw this. I'm out.
[engine sputtering]
Whoa!
Come on, come on!
Get out of the vehicle made
of garbage or we will open fire!
[engine sputtering]
Urn, um, um, um!
Open fire!
Aah!
Stupid-ass, Fart-saving,
carpet-store motherfucker. Move!
Wait, did you fuck
with my seat settings?
[ Motor whirring ]
More are coming.
Rick!
Yeah, yeah.
Your geldon converter
is pretty dinged up.
That's because my grandson
drives like a male Obravadian.
Yeah, I said it -- some
stereotypes are based in fact.
Actually, it's because
of years of neglect.
You really need to respect
your gears, Rick.
To you, they're just
wheels with teeth,
but in my culture,
wars have been fought --
So I've heard.
Just fix it.
I don't think the Gromflamites
can track us now,
but it looks like we're gonna
be here for a while.
Or, you know, if you still have
that gun K. Michael dropped,
we could finish the job
and go home.
You do understand
I'm telepathic, right
I'm being polite.
Rick, we're taking him back
where he belongs.
Oh, yeah? Where's that?
[ belches ]
Are you going on a quest
to find he who smelt it?
I came here
accidentally through a wormhole
located in what you call
"Get out of my head, Fart.
I know you're in here.
La-Ia-la-la --"
No, in what you call
the Promethean Nebula.
Oh, great. Just a hop, skip,
and an 800-light-year jump.
You know, you can leave
anytime you want, Rick.
Whatever you want to do, you
little punk-ass little bitch.
Thank you, Morty.
You are not like other
carbon-based life-forms.
You put the value of all
life above your own.
It's how things
should be.
It's how they could be.
I could not agree more.
♪ The worlds can be
one together ♪
♪ Cosmos without hatred ♪
♪ Stars like diamonds
in your eyes ♪
♪ The ground
can be space ♪
♪ Space, space,
space, space ♪
♪ With feet marching towards
a peaceful sky ♪
♪ All the moon men
want things their way ♪
♪ But we make sure
they see the sun ♪
♪ Goodbye, moon men ♪
♪ You say goodbye,
moon men ♪
♪ Goodbye -- ♪
Shut the fuck up
about moon men!
This isn't a
musical number.
This is
a fucking operation.
We got to be cool
and fucking lay low.
[ Clicks, computer chimes]
[ laughing ]
Duck, duck, birdie?
[ laughs ]
That's very funny!
Here comes another funny.
[ Clicks, computer chimes]
[ laughs ]
Oh, this place
is great.
I almost wish I could stay
longer than one day.
You just might.
W-what do you mean?
These are the Jerrys whose Ricks
and Mortys never came back.
They live here now.
Uh.
[ Rock music plays ]
[ Engine revs]
[ tires screech]
[ dramatic music plays ]
No gear-turnings as of yet
in the curious case
of these unidentified
humanoid fugitives,
reportedly at large somewhere
within the gear system.
Son of a...
Why were the Gromflamites
holding you prisoner?
What the fuck
is so valuable about you?
I am no more valuable
than life itself.
However, I am able to alter
the composition of atoms,
like this.
[ Electricity crackling ]
That was oxygen.
I added
71 protons to it.
Terrific.
The Fart that pooped gold.
No wonder every cop in
the system is looking for us.
Any species that gets
ahold of this thing
is gonna use it
to take over the galaxy.
You know how inconvenient
that's gonna be to my work?
[sirens wailing]
Somebody dropped
the dime on us.
Gearhead!
I'm sorry, Rick.
The reward on your head
is too high.
And like you always say,
you got to look out
for number one.
Number one is me,
asshole!
You're supposed to be
my friend!
Friend?!
Do you even know my real name?
It's
Revolio Clockberg Junior.
I belong to an entire
species of gear people.
Calling me "Gearhead"
is like calling
a Chinese person "Asia face."
No! Not twigs!
[groans]
[muffled screaming ]
Two things I want to make clear
to everybody in this room --
Never betray me,
and it's time to go.
[muffled screaming ]
Nobody move!
[muffled screaming ]
Oh, my god.
Are those...
♪♪
[grunts]
[ Screams ]
Hey, Morty, remember
when you said
selling a gun was as bad
as pulling the trigger?
How do you feel
about all these people
that are getting killed today
because of your choices?
I did the right thing,
Rick!
- Tell that to Gearhead's gearsticles.
- You did that!
Wrong! I'd be playing
"Roy" right now.
At a certain point,
my hands are tied, Morty.
[signs]
I can't believe
Rick did this.
This is the eighth to the last straw.
- Ante up.
You know what?
Screw it!
I have a better gamble
for you guys.
I say we escape.
If you want to leave, you can
just go out the front door.
You think we're kept here
against our will?
That would be illegal.
But if you can leave,
then why are you still here?
Same reason as you.
We're Jerrys.
I'm leaving.
Okay, then.
That was always allowed.
♪♪
Morty,
take the wheel!
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
Geez!
Damn it, Morty!
Who taught you
to fly this thing?
[laughs] I'm kidding.
I know that's on me.
Um, Rick!
RICK:
Shit.
Well,
I guess this is it.
Morty,
crack the window.
I wonder why Greg is always
so critical of my girlfriend.
Well, he'd probably like
to have me to himself.
That's how friends are.
Or does he want
her to himself?
♪ The worlds can be
one together ♪
♪ Cosmos without hatred ♪
♪ Stars like diamonds
in your eyes ♪
My life is
a fucking joke!
♪ Goodbye,
moon men ♪
♪ You say goodbye,
moon men ♪
♪ Goodbye,
moon men ♪
All right.
Let's proceed.
Damn.
Can't blame that
on the dog.
Talk about
silent but deadly.
I-I've seen
some nerve gas,
but that --
this gas got nerve!
[ laughs ]
You know what I'm saying?
- Are you done?
- I'll let you know, Morty.
Gone with the wind!
Am I right?!
If you don't like
that one, Morty,
an alt on that could be, like,
if I said "Gasablanca"!
All right, I'm done.
Let's get
to the Promethean Nebula,
so my grandson can
finish saving a life!
[ trills ]
Glagga blag blag.
Um, Earth, please?
[ Growls ]
Is this --
do I pay?
Agga blag blag blag!
[ Indistinct shouting ]
Oh, I'm sorry, sorry!
Ohh.
Hmm.
Mm, hey.
[ hisses]
Aah!
Agga blag blag?
Oh, uh, hey. What?
- Agga blag!
- Uh, what do you want?
- Agga blag blag --
- Ohh!
Uh...
[ speaking
native language]
[whimpering]
[moaning ]
[alarm blaring]
[wailing in distance]
[whimpers]
[shouting in alien language]
Hey. Are you the one
that left?
I get it.
It's a --
it's a hassle out there.
Right?
And who needs that?
- Right?
" Right?
- Not me.
- Who needs that?
Ho, ho! Not us.
Uh, who are you?
Oh, excuse me.
Paul Fleischman.
Infinite timelines.
In some of them,
Beth remarries.
- Geez.
- Don't worry.
I treat Beth very well,
and I do not overstep
my bounds with Morty.
Every kid needs a dad,
but there's no replacing you.
Hey, you want to
give us a hand with this?
We're trying to figure out
how to get the sound
coming through the stereo
instead of the TV.
I-I-lt's very difficult.
Oh! Uh, well,
is there an aux input?
We tried that, but there's
two different colors.
But there's
two different colors.
[ Growls ]
FART: The wormhole is
70 of what you call "meters"
what you call "North"
of what you call "Here."
Fine. Morty, take your Fart to
his hole and say your goodbyes.
I'm gonna find some fuel
and take a big, fat Morty.
That's my new word for shit
because of today's events.
♪♪
Here it is.
This should take me
back to my kind.
I'm gonna miss you,
um, Fart.
I'm really sorry
your name became Fart.
- I will be back soon, Morty.
- Really?
After I return to the others
with this location,
we will be back
for your cleansing.
Um, cleansing?
Carbon-based life
is a threat to all higher life.
To us, you are
what you would call a disease.
Wherever we discover you,
we cure it.
You said yourself
that life must be protected,
even though sacrifice.
You haven't changed your
mind about that.
I can sense
your thoughts.
Morty?
Um, before you go,
could you sing a --
C-could you sing
for me again?
Yes, Morty.
♪ Cosmos without hatred ♪
♪ Diamond stars
of cosmic light ♪
♪ Quasars shine
through endless night ♪
♪ And everything is one
in the beauty ♪
♪ And now we
say goodbye ♪
Aah!
[ Weakly ]
Morty, why? Why?
[groaning ]
Goodbye.
So, did you guys make out
a little bit?
Is he gonna send you
a postcard?
Man, that guy hit the lottery
when he crossed paths with you.
Morty, I know I picked on
your core beliefs
and decision making
a lot today,
but I am glad
that you insisted
on getting that Fart home.
You know, at least
all the death and destruction
wasn't for nothing,
you know?
You miss
your Fart friend, huh?
Well, I got a little surprise
for you, buddy.
While you were gone,
I found a new wormhole
with millions of beings just
like him on the other side,
and they're all
coming to visit.
What?!
Rick, no! You can't!
Too late, Morty.
The hole's opening.
No, Rick!
You don't understand.
[farts]
There's -- there's a lot more
where that came from, too.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
Hey, hey, bro,
how many people
was your Morty responsible
for killing today?
None. We chilled
at Blips and Chitz all day.
Ain't that right,
homey?
Darn right, bro!
"Roy" rules!
[ laughter ]
Must be nice.
Hey, Morty,
there's our Jerry.
Mm! I missed you.
Hey, Rick.
Glad you're safe, Jerry.
What do you say we go home?
- I'd like that.
Hey, wait.
Uh, do you have 5126?
Uh, I'm not sure.
Morty.
Uh, that's
a Blips and Chitz ticket.
- What?!
- [ Scoffs ] Way to go, Morty.
Eh, whatever.
- Uh, w-wait. What?
- Uh, w-wait. What?
Come on, Jerry. All right.
Come on, Jerry.
♪♪
Are you tired
of the same daily droll?
Well, get on over
to Blips and Chitz!
We got, uh, one game.
We got a whole bunch
of games here.
You can -- we got
Chabos and Flobos,
and you can shoot things!
Get over here!
Play the games!
Uh, use your flerbos
to get tickets!
"Roy 2" just got here.
Get over here
at Jitz and Chitz!
It's the coolest place
in the world.
[ Iaughs ]
Uh, I get to be
in the commercial!
[ Shouting ]
MAN:
Did you get any of that?
MAN: [ Italian accent]
It's a good show.
Learning to fly this thing, Morty,
is gonna be
really liberating.
You know, you're
gonna be free
to go on all kinds of errands for me.
- Cool.
See that planet
right there?
Don't fly too close
to that planet.
Someone will come out and
try to wash your windshield.
[ Ringtone plays ]
Hold on.
[cellphone beeps]
Yeah?
Yeah, I have it.
Where do you
want to meet?
All right, cool.
[cellphone beeps]
All right, Morty,
lesson's over.
We got some business
to attend to
a few light minutes
south of here.
Oh, you still use
south in space?
Whoa! Jesus, Jerry!
What the hell
are you doing here?!
What are you
talking about?
We agreed a boy's father
should be present
when he's learning
to drive.
I guess I
remember that.
Wow. And you've just been
back there this whole time?
Amazing.
Well, we don't have time
to take him to Earth, Morty.
Head for 3924917.
Cool!
[ laughs ]
Looks like I'm coming along
for an adventure!
Yep,
[ sighs ]
MORTY:
This is where we're going?
RICK:
Nope.
This is.
You can park in
a handicap spot, Morty.
Anything with
less than eight limbs
is considered
disabled here.
WOMAN: Well, look at this fella.
Aren't you handsome?
Thank you.
[ chuckles ]
- I'm Jerry.
- Oh, I know you are.
Did you come here
in a spaceship?
I'm traveling with my son
and father-in-law.
W-wait.
Are they coming?
Oh, they'll
be back soon.
What?!
I don't know
how this works!
Help me!
What the hell?!
I know, right?
Oh, what the hell?!
I know, right?
MORTY:
Jerryboree!?
You created
a day care for my Dad?
Are you kidding?
I wish I had this idea.
Well, I did
have this idea,
but I wish I was the version
of me that owned it.
That guy's rich.
Don't forget to check
the reason for your drop-off.
Trust me, Morty, I've heard
stories from other Ricks.
Jerrys don't tend to last
five minutes off of earth.
This is a totally unregistered
cross-temporal asteroid.
Here, they can romp and
play with other Jerrys.
He couldn't be safer.
Hey, Morty,
hang on to this.
That number's your dad.
If you lose it, we're not gonna
be able to get him back.
♪♪
[ electricity crackles ]
♪♪
- Okay, wait here.
- I want to come with.
Don't come with.
It's boring.
It's [belches] --
it's business stuff.
What kind of business
do you do in a garage?
You know, this seems
a little shady.
Right, yeah, like nothing
shady ever happened
in a fully
furnished office?
You ever hear
about Wall Street, Morty?
Y-you know
what those guys do
in -- in --
in their fancy boardrooms?
They take their balls
and they dip them in cocaine
and wipe them
all over each other.
You know,
Grandpa goes around,
and he does
his business in public,
because Grandpa
isn't shady.
Aw, crap.
Hey, what's up?
Hey, Rick!
[laughs]
Here you go --
3,000 flerbos.
Do you have
the weapon?
C-can we please?
This is my
grandson, Morty.
Oh, hi, Morty.
I'm Krombopulos Michael.
I'm an assassin.
I buy guns from your grandpa.
[groans]
Here. Go away.
Ooh! Yeah,
this looks deadly.
So, this shoots
antimatter?
My target can't be killed
with regular matter.
Nice to meet you, Morty.
Listen, if you ever need
anybody murdered,
please give me a call.
- I'm very discreet.
- You're g-giving him a card'?!
I have no
code of ethics.
I will kill anyone,
anywhere --
Children, animals, old people --
doesn't matter.
I just love killing.
You sell weapons
to killers for money?
[ Groans ] You've got what
the intergalactic call
a very planetary
mind-set, Morty.
It's more complicated
out here.
These are flerbos.
Do you understand what
two humans can accomplish
with 3,000 of these?
- Uh, what?
An entire afternoon
at Blips and Chitz!
Oh, this place
is the best.
It's got beer,
games, prizes,
and you can never tell
what time it is.
You sold a gun to a murderer
so you could play video games?!
Yeah, sure, I mean, if you spend
all day shuffling words around,
you can make anything
sound bad, Morty.
- Here, check this out.
- [coin drops]
[Whoosh! ]
Aah!
[ breathing heavily]
Roy, what's wrong?
I had a nightmare.
I was with an old man.
He put a helmet on me.
It's just a fever.
Get some sleep.
I don't want you
missing school on Monday.
[ Bell rings]
MAN: I want you kids
to look around you today
and think about
your future.
Now is the time in your life
when anything is possible.
ANNOUNCER:
Spiraling perfectly!
It's gonna be caught
by Roy Parsons!
Roy Parsons
is at the 20!
Now he's at the 10!
Nothing can stop
Roy "The Rocket"!
- Touchdown!
[cheers and applause]
I just think
it's time to get realistic.
Have you talked to my father
about the Carpet Store?
Roy?
[signs]
[cellphone rings]
Had we caught it sooner --
Well, hindsight is 20/20, Roy.
What's important
is that we move quickly.
[ Monitor beeps ]
[weakly ]
I'm not ready to die.
You're not going to.
Yeah!
Whoo! Yeah!
Hey, thanks
for the carpet, Roy.
MAN: Hey, Roy, you pulled
those Persian off-white shags
for the clearance sale?
Whoa. Sh--
shit!
[ Bones crack]
Oh!
[ Beeping ]
Whoa! What the hell?!
W-w-where am I?!
- What in the hell?!
- 55 years. Not bad, Morty.
You kind of wasted
your 30s, though,
with that
whole bird-watching phase.
W-where's my wife?!
Morty, you were just
playing a game.
It's called "Roy."
Snap out of it.
Come on.
I'm Morty. You're Rick.
Hey! You sold a gun
to a guy that kills people!
Look at this --
you beat cancer,
and then you went back
to work at the carpet store?
Boo!
D-don't dodge
the issue, Rick!
Selling a gun to a hit man is
the same as pulling the trigger!
It's also the same
as doing nothing.
If Krombopulos Michael
wants someone dead,
there's not a lot
anyone can do to stop him.
That's why he does it
for a living.
Now excuse me. It's time
to thrash your "Roy" score.
You know, you could stop this
killing from happening, Rick!
You know, you did a bad thing
selling that gun,
but you could undo it
if you wanted.
Uh-huh, yeah,
that's the difference
between you and me,
Morty.
I never go back
to the carpet store.
Holy shit!
This guy's taking
Roy off the grid!
[all gasp]
This guy doesn't have a
social security number for Roy!
[all murmuring]
Hi. I'm sorry.
I think there was
a misunderstanding.
I'm an adult and would like
to go home, please.
Well, of course.
Right through that tube.
Unbelievable.
You're doing great.
I know how to crawl
in a tube.
[sighs]
Come on.
Oh.
This is harder
than it looks.
Whoa!
- Marco?
- Polo!
[ laughs]
Marco?
Come find me.
Marco?
You guys
are enjoying this?
Don't you feel
a little patronized?
How so?
- Jerry!
- Beth.
Oh, come on.
This is ridiculous.
I love you, Jerry.
Aw, Beth.
Who wants to come watch
"Midnight Run"
with Director's
commentary on?
- Yeah!
- Definitely.
First one there gets to adjust
the picture setting!
[ Gasps ]
The factory tint setting is always too high!
Out of my way.
The tint setting
is always too high.
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
♪♪
[ smooches ]
Oh, boy.
Here I go killing again.
Aah!
Aah!
- Arh!
[ neck snaps ]
Aah!
[scanner chirping]
- Aah!
[neck snaps]
[warbling ]
You have arrived
at Krombopulos Michael.
Your destination is below.
We're all out
of off-white Persian.
Oh, man!
W-w-what have I done?!
- Drop the gun.
- You don't understand!
This guy
was gonna kill someone!
I guess
that makes two of us.
[ Rifle charging ]
Aah!
What are you
doing, Morty?
This is a Galactic
Federation outpost!
Look, I don't have time
to tell you my entire backstory,
but Grandpa and government
don't get along.
ALIEN:
He saved my life.
- What?
- Huh?! Whoa!
Are you
Krombopulos Michael's target?
W-what's your name?
My kind
has no use for names.
I communicate through what
you call "Jessica's Feet" --
No, "Telepathy."
Oh, good job, Morty.
Y-you killed
my best customer,
but you saved
a mind-reading Fart.
I like this name --
Fart.
Morty, would you
kindly release me
by pulling that lever
to the left of my cell?
lam in great pain.
RICK:
Morty, don't do it.
Morty...
- Morty, you idiot.
[alarm blaring ]
Oh, crap.
Let's get you out of here!
We can't get him out of here.
He's gaseous.
He's not gonna make it
through a portal, Morty.
Well, then, I guess we're all
getting in the car.
Right, uh --
- Fart.
No! Just --
j-just get in the car!
Morty, come on.
I want to go back
to Blips and Chitz.
I don't want to deal
with this.
Rick, you've been clear
on the fact
that you don't want to help,
so just go away.
More are coming.
Screw this. I'm out.
[engine sputtering]
Whoa!
Come on, come on!
Get out of the vehicle made
of garbage or we will open fire!
[engine sputtering]
Urn, um, um, um!
Open fire!
Aah!
Stupid-ass, Fart-saving,
carpet-store motherfucker. Move!
Wait, did you fuck
with my seat settings?
[ Motor whirring ]
More are coming.
Rick!
Yeah, yeah.
Your geldon converter
is pretty dinged up.
That's because my grandson
drives like a male Obravadian.
Yeah, I said it -- some
stereotypes are based in fact.
Actually, it's because
of years of neglect.
You really need to respect
your gears, Rick.
To you, they're just
wheels with teeth,
but in my culture,
wars have been fought --
So I've heard.
Just fix it.
I don't think the Gromflamites
can track us now,
but it looks like we're gonna
be here for a while.
Or, you know, if you still have
that gun K. Michael dropped,
we could finish the job
and go home.
You do understand
I'm telepathic, right
I'm being polite.
Rick, we're taking him back
where he belongs.
Oh, yeah? Where's that?
[ belches ]
Are you going on a quest
to find he who smelt it?
I came here
accidentally through a wormhole
located in what you call
"Get out of my head, Fart.
I know you're in here.
La-Ia-la-la --"
No, in what you call
the Promethean Nebula.
Oh, great. Just a hop, skip,
and an 800-light-year jump.
You know, you can leave
anytime you want, Rick.
Whatever you want to do, you
little punk-ass little bitch.
Thank you, Morty.
You are not like other
carbon-based life-forms.
You put the value of all
life above your own.
It's how things
should be.
It's how they could be.
I could not agree more.
♪ The worlds can be
one together ♪
♪ Cosmos without hatred ♪
♪ Stars like diamonds
in your eyes ♪
♪ The ground
can be space ♪
♪ Space, space,
space, space ♪
♪ With feet marching towards
a peaceful sky ♪
♪ All the moon men
want things their way ♪
♪ But we make sure
they see the sun ♪
♪ Goodbye, moon men ♪
♪ You say goodbye,
moon men ♪
♪ Goodbye -- ♪
Shut the fuck up
about moon men!
This isn't a
musical number.
This is
a fucking operation.
We got to be cool
and fucking lay low.
[ Clicks, computer chimes]
[ laughing ]
Duck, duck, birdie?
[ laughs ]
That's very funny!
Here comes another funny.
[ Clicks, computer chimes]
[ laughs ]
Oh, this place
is great.
I almost wish I could stay
longer than one day.
You just might.
W-what do you mean?
These are the Jerrys whose Ricks
and Mortys never came back.
They live here now.
Uh.
[ Rock music plays ]
[ Engine revs]
[ tires screech]
[ dramatic music plays ]
No gear-turnings as of yet
in the curious case
of these unidentified
humanoid fugitives,
reportedly at large somewhere
within the gear system.
Son of a...
Why were the Gromflamites
holding you prisoner?
What the fuck
is so valuable about you?
I am no more valuable
than life itself.
However, I am able to alter
the composition of atoms,
like this.
[ Electricity crackling ]
That was oxygen.
I added
71 protons to it.
Terrific.
The Fart that pooped gold.
No wonder every cop in
the system is looking for us.
Any species that gets
ahold of this thing
is gonna use it
to take over the galaxy.
You know how inconvenient
that's gonna be to my work?
[sirens wailing]
Somebody dropped
the dime on us.
Gearhead!
I'm sorry, Rick.
The reward on your head
is too high.
And like you always say,
you got to look out
for number one.
Number one is me,
asshole!
You're supposed to be
my friend!
Friend?!
Do you even know my real name?
It's
Revolio Clockberg Junior.
I belong to an entire
species of gear people.
Calling me "Gearhead"
is like calling
a Chinese person "Asia face."
No! Not twigs!
[groans]
[muffled screaming ]
Two things I want to make clear
to everybody in this room --
Never betray me,
and it's time to go.
[muffled screaming ]
Nobody move!
[muffled screaming ]
Oh, my god.
Are those...
♪♪
[grunts]
[ Screams ]
Hey, Morty, remember
when you said
selling a gun was as bad
as pulling the trigger?
How do you feel
about all these people
that are getting killed today
because of your choices?
I did the right thing,
Rick!
- Tell that to Gearhead's gearsticles.
- You did that!
Wrong! I'd be playing
"Roy" right now.
At a certain point,
my hands are tied, Morty.
[signs]
I can't believe
Rick did this.
This is the eighth to the last straw.
- Ante up.
You know what?
Screw it!
I have a better gamble
for you guys.
I say we escape.
If you want to leave, you can
just go out the front door.
You think we're kept here
against our will?
That would be illegal.
But if you can leave,
then why are you still here?
Same reason as you.
We're Jerrys.
I'm leaving.
Okay, then.
That was always allowed.
♪♪
Morty,
take the wheel!
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
Geez!
Damn it, Morty!
Who taught you
to fly this thing?
[laughs] I'm kidding.
I know that's on me.
Um, Rick!
RICK:
Shit.
Well,
I guess this is it.
Morty,
crack the window.
I wonder why Greg is always
so critical of my girlfriend.
Well, he'd probably like
to have me to himself.
That's how friends are.
Or does he want
her to himself?
♪ The worlds can be
one together ♪
♪ Cosmos without hatred ♪
♪ Stars like diamonds
in your eyes ♪
My life is
a fucking joke!
♪ Goodbye,
moon men ♪
♪ You say goodbye,
moon men ♪
♪ Goodbye,
moon men ♪
All right.
Let's proceed.
Damn.
Can't blame that
on the dog.
Talk about
silent but deadly.
I-I've seen
some nerve gas,
but that --
this gas got nerve!
[ laughs ]
You know what I'm saying?
- Are you done?
- I'll let you know, Morty.
Gone with the wind!
Am I right?!
If you don't like
that one, Morty,
an alt on that could be, like,
if I said "Gasablanca"!
All right, I'm done.
Let's get
to the Promethean Nebula,
so my grandson can
finish saving a life!
[ trills ]
Glagga blag blag.
Um, Earth, please?
[ Growls ]
Is this --
do I pay?
Agga blag blag blag!
[ Indistinct shouting ]
Oh, I'm sorry, sorry!
Ohh.
Hmm.
Mm, hey.
[ hisses]
Aah!
Agga blag blag?
Oh, uh, hey. What?
- Agga blag!
- Uh, what do you want?
- Agga blag blag --
- Ohh!
Uh...
[ speaking
native language]
[whimpering]
[moaning ]
[alarm blaring]
[wailing in distance]
[whimpers]
[shouting in alien language]
Hey. Are you the one
that left?
I get it.
It's a --
it's a hassle out there.
Right?
And who needs that?
- Right?
" Right?
- Not me.
- Who needs that?
Ho, ho! Not us.
Uh, who are you?
Oh, excuse me.
Paul Fleischman.
Infinite timelines.
In some of them,
Beth remarries.
- Geez.
- Don't worry.
I treat Beth very well,
and I do not overstep
my bounds with Morty.
Every kid needs a dad,
but there's no replacing you.
Hey, you want to
give us a hand with this?
We're trying to figure out
how to get the sound
coming through the stereo
instead of the TV.
I-I-lt's very difficult.
Oh! Uh, well,
is there an aux input?
We tried that, but there's
two different colors.
But there's
two different colors.
[ Growls ]
FART: The wormhole is
70 of what you call "meters"
what you call "North"
of what you call "Here."
Fine. Morty, take your Fart to
his hole and say your goodbyes.
I'm gonna find some fuel
and take a big, fat Morty.
That's my new word for shit
because of today's events.
♪♪
Here it is.
This should take me
back to my kind.
I'm gonna miss you,
um, Fart.
I'm really sorry
your name became Fart.
- I will be back soon, Morty.
- Really?
After I return to the others
with this location,
we will be back
for your cleansing.
Um, cleansing?
Carbon-based life
is a threat to all higher life.
To us, you are
what you would call a disease.
Wherever we discover you,
we cure it.
You said yourself
that life must be protected,
even though sacrifice.
You haven't changed your
mind about that.
I can sense
your thoughts.
Morty?
Um, before you go,
could you sing a --
C-could you sing
for me again?
Yes, Morty.
♪ Cosmos without hatred ♪
♪ Diamond stars
of cosmic light ♪
♪ Quasars shine
through endless night ♪
♪ And everything is one
in the beauty ♪
♪ And now we
say goodbye ♪
Aah!
[ Weakly ]
Morty, why? Why?
[groaning ]
Goodbye.
So, did you guys make out
a little bit?
Is he gonna send you
a postcard?
Man, that guy hit the lottery
when he crossed paths with you.
Morty, I know I picked on
your core beliefs
and decision making
a lot today,
but I am glad
that you insisted
on getting that Fart home.
You know, at least
all the death and destruction
wasn't for nothing,
you know?
You miss
your Fart friend, huh?
Well, I got a little surprise
for you, buddy.
While you were gone,
I found a new wormhole
with millions of beings just
like him on the other side,
and they're all
coming to visit.
What?!
Rick, no! You can't!
Too late, Morty.
The hole's opening.
No, Rick!
You don't understand.
[farts]
There's -- there's a lot more
where that came from, too.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
Hey, hey, bro,
how many people
was your Morty responsible
for killing today?
None. We chilled
at Blips and Chitz all day.
Ain't that right,
homey?
Darn right, bro!
"Roy" rules!
[ laughter ]
Must be nice.
Hey, Morty,
there's our Jerry.
Mm! I missed you.
Hey, Rick.
Glad you're safe, Jerry.
What do you say we go home?
- I'd like that.
Hey, wait.
Uh, do you have 5126?
Uh, I'm not sure.
Morty.
Uh, that's
a Blips and Chitz ticket.
- What?!
- [ Scoffs ] Way to go, Morty.
Eh, whatever.
- Uh, w-wait. What?
- Uh, w-wait. What?
Come on, Jerry. All right.
Come on, Jerry.
♪♪
Are you tired
of the same daily droll?
Well, get on over
to Blips and Chitz!
We got, uh, one game.
We got a whole bunch
of games here.
You can -- we got
Chabos and Flobos,
and you can shoot things!
Get over here!
Play the games!
Uh, use your flerbos
to get tickets!
"Roy 2" just got here.
Get over here
at Jitz and Chitz!
It's the coolest place
in the world.
[ Iaughs ]
Uh, I get to be
in the commercial!
[ Shouting ]
MAN:
Did you get any of that?
MAN: [ Italian accent]
It's a good show.