Richard Hammond's Workshop (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 6 - Episode #2.6 - full transcript
RICHARD: This time... Go on then.
..we race to get an old friend
ready for a big show...
No one ever sees
the bad side of Oliver.
What they see is cuddly Oliver.
I can't believe
you never read the small print!
..a long running job
hits more setbacks...
I think I've found a crack.
It's costing you to do this job.
Well, it's terrifying.
..and it's the moment of truth
for Anthony,
as he attempts to become
a proper racing driver.
He'll get a licence
if he earns a licence.
About to get real.
Not setting the world on fire yet
but he's going, I'll give him that.
Fire them up! Let's go!
I've fulfilled a lifelong dream.
Is this all yours? It's all ours.
I've set up a classic car
restoration business
with automotive wonder family,
Neil, Anthony, and Andrew Greenhouse.
(GASPS) Dad!
But it's become a money pit...
Bad, bad, bad.
..and if we don't break even soon...
Ten? But the budget's ten!
..there's a chance we go bust.
It's not going well at all.
So, I've come up
with ambitious new plans.
Welcome to your club.
We've just got to push forward
into the big league. (HONKS)
We're even going racing
to find cars that need our help.
Now wouldn't be the time
to give him a business card.
I'm determined to turn
my lifelong obsession...
Come on, little car!
..into a thriving business.
Will it turn over? No.
Is this a good idea?
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
I've learnt something.
It's good to be able
to show off our work,
to show off what we can do
in the workshop.
But when we finish the car,
it goes back to the owner
and we haven't got anything,
so we need a show car.
And I've had an idea.
I don't want anything fancy
cos it'll take too long...
and it's gotta be something
that we can quickly and cheaply
(GRUNTS) turn into a wonderful thing,
and here it is.
You see, that is Oliver. (GRUNTS)
He's not going
to cost a fortune to do.
Yeah, he's a bit dusty.
I haven't used him since we did the
opening of the workshop, actually,
and some of this...
I mean, there are issues,
but it's not a big restoration job.
We can make improvements
fairly inexpensively.
Oh, that is quite dusty.
I... Yeah, don't need that.
Yes, I'm pleased to see you.
See?
My 1963 Opel Kadett, Oliver,
once got me
right across the spine of Africa
on a certain well known TV show.
I'm hoping his fame should convince
the lads that this is a good idea.
I've got an old Jaguar XK120 in bits,
which we could make magnificent,
but it would cost about 150 grand's
worth of workshop hours.
This, I've already got, and as soon
as somebody sees it at the show,
They'll go, "Wait a minute, is that
that little yellow car Hammond...
"hang on, it is."
As a show car, I want Oliver
to be as original as possible
and at the moment,
he's the wrong colour.
Structurally, it's sound.
We can just put a proper finish on it
fairly quickly and...
Well, it will draw attention,
won't it?
No, no. Come on, Oliver.
I think we've...
Oh, we are dying.
Oh, dear. But look, look, look, look.
That... See, that's Oliver all over.
Oh, no, we've broken down,
but look where we've done it.
(LAUGHS) I'll sneak him
on the end of this line of cars
and he can pretend he's for sale.
(LAUGHS)
Bugger!
(GOOFY MUSIC PLAYING)
This is slightly awkward.
I've broken down on the way in
to persuade them that it's a good...
Yeah, it's ironic, isn't it?
You see, that's character
and personality for you.
Funny little bugger. (LAUGHS)
(PHONE RINGS) OK.
Hello?
Right, I'll grab some kit,
I'll come and have a INDISTINCT.
OK. I'll be there in a minute.
Hold on.
It's the perfect car!
Just needs a lick of paint
and it's good to go.
What are we doing today?
Oh, rescuing Richard.
He'll be on the side of the
road with a crowd round him.
"Oh, Richard,
can I have your autograph?"
Steady, smile!
So, people do know that little car?
Yeah, Oliver.
Yeah, my stepdad's already said.
That's Oliver. Fire away.
Hang on.
Oh, he's, he's on the dealership.
He's gonna flog her
on the forecourt! (LAUGHS)
Hello, sir. Do you do finance?
Honestly, come and have a look.
I looked inside there
and they're, all of it, corroded
and I don't think it's got
a strong spark. No. He doesn't.
Electronic ignition upgrade
INDISTINCT
What are you doing, driving this?
INDISTINCT was it?
No, I've had an idea.
We need a car to show people what
we can do, a car that gets attention.
The thing is,
he's a lovely little car,
but it's the wrong colour.
No, you're absolutely right.
It's not the colour
when I drove him across Africa.
He was a more custardy
sort of a yellow than this,
which is a bit too lemony.
Yeah, yeah.
You could quickly paint this.
I reckon it's a good idea.
OK.
Do you reckon it's going
to start now? I don't know.
Ready?
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
It was that.
Old school analogue ignition.
I'll see you back at the shop.
Celebrity coming!
Oh, mate, I'm going to leave
a big gap don't you worry.
We're out of here.
A mechanic's work is never done.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Look who it is.
Ah!
Right, now I've got to sell
the other guys in on the idea.
Oliver. I know.
You're keeping him nice
and clean, then?
Yeah, it has got a bit dusty, but
I've, I've brought him in
for a reason.
Yeah? Huh!
The problem is when we finish a car,
the customer has it back,
so we need a show car.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Well, everybody knows Oliver.
There you go.
Make it the colour
when I drove it in Africa,
which was a more custardy yellow,
but we can find out.
It's basically straight.
Steel wheels with hubcaps
would make it look more proper,
and the interior is not that bad.
There's no rips in those seats.
No, the seats are good,
they'll clean up. It needs a clean.
So, that's the suggestion,
what do you feel?
No deadline-y rushes on this one?
No.
Good. It's a brilliant idea.
How many garages would love
to get their hands on that...
If we were any other...
They'd jump on it.
Right, we're gonna do it.
Get on with it, then.
I've never had an idea go down
so well, ever, in my whole life.
I'm staggered. It feels weird.
The thing is, there always
something behind what he does.
You get that feeling that
this is leading to something.
While Andrew and Ant focus
on some of our paying jobs,
Neil and I get to work on Oliver.
There's the colour. Eh?
That's the colour it was.
Look. Look at the difference.
And that is Oliver.
That is the colour I want. Yeah.
Of all the cars, the one I most
want to work on is this one.
It's not any old car.
We had an adventure together,
at a really important time
in my life.
'Top Gear' just starting to become
an international TV show,
my two daughters were young,
very, very young.
I was a different bloke.
Different time.
Taking Oliver to car shows is one way
of generating new business
for the Cog.
Another is our plan
is to go classic car racing
and today, I'm hoping we can take
an important step towards our goal.
'The Smallest Cog' is going racing,
it's happening.
We've got the car.
The type of racing we're going to do,
you usually have two drivers.
One is a pro driver,
and I've already sorted that.
She's somebody I've worked
with before.
You might recognise her.
The other is usually somebody from
the team itself, usually a mechanic,
cos their job is to go out first
in the car, on the day,
do the first laps, shake it down,
make sure it's working,
and put it in a good position
to hand over to the pro driver.
It's a huge responsibility
and of our guys the other day,
when we were racing at the go-kart
track, Anthony showed some promise.
Today is all about seeing
if that promise works out
on a proper racetrack
in a proper race car.
And he gets to meet
our proper race driver.
I'm gonna go and get him.
I hope he's ready.
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
I haven't asked you this,
probably should have done,
have you driven on
an actual track before, not...
as opposed to go-karts? No.
I've been to a track to watch
motorsport, but never...
Actually, physically,
been on a proper track.
But I am aware that quite a lot
of it then sits on your shoulders...
Yeah, I'm feeling it.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
This is like a little boy's dream.
Yeah, it's all here, mate.
We have a racetrack, we have a car,
and we have a racing driver.
Abbie, hello! Hello.
Thank you for doing this.
Would you meet Anthony?
The pupil?
Anthony, she is a racing driver.
Yeah, nice to meet you.
Make him one.
If I was to look for, like,
the perfect racing driver,
it would be someone who's fearless,
got finesse,
really can listen
and feel the race car,
and someone that's super,
super physically fit.
I'm actually going to be out there
with a professional racing driver
in a proper car.
I'm not going to lie.
It's setting in a bit.
There he goes.
When it goes green, don't floor it,
just going to ease it on.
So, up a gear
and looking well ahead,
looking for that red arrow,
braking in a straight line
to the red.
Off the brakes, over to the apex,
looking well ahead
to what's coming up next.
Good. He's still the right way up.
Helping him with the braking points,
telling him when to get on the power.
Just start squeezing in
a bit more power now.
Keep going, a little bit more.
Bit more, bit more.
Confidence.
Usually, what happens is, you build
confidence and then, you crash.
A bit faster now, down into here,
looking well ahead
for that red arrow.
On the brakes now.
Good, that's it, keep on the brakes,
keep... More brake, more, more. Off.
A couple of the other cars have gone
through, but that's his first lap.
If Ant is going to race for the Cog,
he'll need a racing licence
and for that,
he'll need to up his game.
Well, you didn't scream. No.
I can't scream cos if I scream,
Richard will take
the mick out of me.
See where I'm going wrong.
OK. Two lines here.
So, this is your speed.
You're actually slightly better,
speed wise,
on your lap towards the end.
The way you started was 150
and you've now done a 137.3.
Your theoretical, here, which is,
basically, if you strung together
every single corner perfectly,
you would have found another
nearly four-tenths of a second.
So, the computer is saying,
I am capable of that. Yeah, yeah.
Let's try that, then.
You can see where I'm losing time,
so now,
if I can get anywhere
near 136 point...
I think it's nine,
I'll be very, very happy.
(ENGINE ROARING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
So, over to the red.
Brake earlier than you think.
Turn. Get it straight and go hard.
Up a gear. Up a gear.
Up a gear, looking for the red.
Brake now. Nice.
Good news or bad news?
You did a 132... Two?
..point 98. Oh!
So, you just snuck into the 32s.
Get in there! I'm happy with that.
That's absolutely wicked, mate.
You smashed his time. Thank you.
You've been absolutely brilliant.
When Ant turned up this morning,
"How are we going to make
a racing driver out of this guy?"
but actually, he's improved
so much through the day.
I think Richard's picked a good'un.
There's a lot to come yet.
We will get some more training in.
To get you through your race licence.
Oh, yeah, forgot about... And the
first race will be on the horizon.
Big day for the Cog that, won't it?
but I can't afford to have him
give up the day job just yet.
Especially when that job is trying
to finish our biggest project,
the restoration of a 1952 Alvis.
Taken the head off the Alvis engine
and do a leak test, fill the chamber
up and see if the fluid stays there.
If it doesn't, we've got an issue.
This is just a waiting game,
now, to see if the levels change.
Oh, hang on.
What's that?
Oh, that ain't good.
I think I've actually found a crack.
Ooh, we didn't want
to be seeing that.
We've already agreed to restore
the Alvis at a fixed price,
for a loyal customer of Neil's,
but a new cylinder head
wasn't part of the deal.
Right. So, I'm on my way to Richard.
Very worrying on the Alvis.
Anthony's not aware
of the number of hours Neil's done,
Neil's not aware of the number
of hours Anthony's.
I don't think
that they understand the impact
this has on the cash flow.
Kamla, hello.
Is it all right if I come in?
Yeah, come in.
You've finished, yeah?
So, I don't know if you know,
myself and Mindy dropped in
at the workshop
a couple of weeks ago?
I did hear words to that effect.
I asked them for an update
on the Alvis.
Hours are still way over
what we had estimated. Yeah.
But, sorry, can I just add to that?
The job's not finished. No.
So, all the overspend on this,
the company, now, has to mop up.
It's actually costing you
to do this job. Right.
It's actually quite bad. Mm.
In the meantime,
I've had another idea. Yep.
A quicker way of drumming up
the business.
Show people what we've done. Yeah.
Cos otherwise, they don't know.
So, we need a show car. Right.
To take to shows to show people
Yeah, good idea.
and I've got the perfect car. Go on.
Oliver.
How much is that going to cost?
We're not going
to charge ourselves, are we?
I mean, it's not a customer job.
And it's still work taken away
from billable jobs.
I get him done as quickly as I can,
I will look for an event
to take him to
and see if we can get work.
I'm on board with you on that,
Richard. I agree.
We need to get our name out there.
But in the meantime, you have
to understand that all the time
we're pulling the lads away
from payable jobs,
you're funding the company.
You're paying for the running
of the business.
It's terrifying. OK, will do.
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
Well, that wasn't as bad as some
of the meetings we've had,
but there is no doubt that now,
I am still supporting the company
out of my own pocket.
That's just a fact.
We'll get there.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
You can probably tell we've had
a bit of a tidy up
cos we've got a customer coming in.
Michael, the owner of Alvis
that's still in the building,
he needs to know about the problem
we found with the cylinder head
because we do have an issue
with the money on his car.
We quoted him 15 with a discount.
We've already spent that.
They're not just working
because you're coming in,
they have been working
on it genuinely.
Honestly, they have.
That's very impressive.
The engine. Oof! Anthony's clutches.
The crack goes into the valve seat.
It's split.
And that one there,
is starting to go as well.
So, obviously, there are various
options from this point.
One, investigate
getting this one repaired...
Cos the problem is,
if you get it stitch welded,
you've got to get it machined,
so, it's more cost in machining
then to get it there...
And then, seat the valves back in.
The other option is 800 quid
for a replacement head
and the third option,
and it's your call,
it's got to be at your risk...
It would have to your risk.
..that's a potential problem...
Not when we're doing all this.
I think the answer,
we'll put a new head on it.
The one thing we didn't agree
with you, so it's our own fault,
is to see if there's any possibility
of staged payments.
Yeah, yeah, we can...
Because, I mean, we've done...
Quite a lot of work, you know?
It's great to see progress
on the Alvis
and, as always, it ends up being
a rather more expensive exercise
than one had perhaps
originally hoped.
So, we've got to justify what we're
saying things are going to cost
but it's perfectly reasonable
of a business this size to say,
"OK, the bill is likely
to be 50 grand,
but can we have some of that
to get us going, please,
cos otherwise, we'll go broke."
Anthony has got to go up
to Silverstone for his driving test,
his, sort of, race license thing,
and I got no doubt,
he is a good driver,
there's no two ways about that,
but he's not academic.
I think he's scared
that he's going to blow it
because of his paperwork test.
A bit of a panic mode
when a test comes up.
As I think I'll be
able to do the driving part,
when it comes to the theory, if you
fail, then you've failed your test.
This could be quite embarrassing,
as Richard has put a lot of trust
in me to go and actually do this.
I've been trying to help him
and I know he is a bright lad.
He's my son, I know.
I've watched him strip
V6 Mercedes engines to bits,
all over the floor...
No photographs, no phone,
and just rebuilt it all, perfect
and if you give him a car,
he can drive it.
When he was a kid,
used to take him go-karting,
and he would go with people
who were really experienced
and "This is my son,
he's the best driver."
"He's brilliant," "Yeah, he's
an ex so-and-so, so-and-so"
and Anthony never used
to say anything...
and he would beat them all.
You'd be listening, then,
the excuses.
"Oh, you're just having a bad day"
and all this lot
and I thought, "No, you ain't,
you just met him." (LAUGHS)
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
Here we are, heading to Silverstone,
home of British racing.
British racing, indeed.
How are you feeling, then?
Nervous. The last time I done
a test was 18 years ago.
Don't let it play on your mind
that you've got the whole future
of the business in your hands.
Hello, boys!
-You must be Ant. Steve.
-That's right, yeah.
You must be Dad. Hello.
Pleased to meet you.
Welcome
to Silverstone's race control.
Nice and cool up here, ain't it?
For now. I think,
you're going to be sweating...
Yeah, I can imagine why, as well.
There we go. Take a seat.
First thing you need to do,
the exam.
Right, cos it is actually
really critical,
particularly with respect
to things like the flags.
So, in the first section, you can't
afford to even get one wrong.
15 minutes. 15 minutes.
15 minutes, and I'll be back.
Perfect.
There's no room for error
in this business.
If people fail the exam,
absolutely and unequivocally,
they're going to fail
the whole thing.
The last time I did a written test
would have been 17 years ago.
It's quite hard because
I can't remember half of the stuff
I've read.
For a novice coming into the sport,
it's technical,
like getting a flying licence.
You have to get 100%
for the first 18 questions.
And that's it. I've done the best
I can, but we'll see.
Too nervous to give it to him,
just in case its wrong.
Don't smell too fresh in here.
No, but I've done my best.
Do you want to hand it to me? No.
Well, I know you don't want to.
Let's have a look at this. Oh.
Well, he's got the front page right,
he knows his own name.
Scared and worried.
Like waiting for your child
to be born
when your missus
goes into labour, innit?
He ain't going to pass me
just because of what I'm doing.
I think, if, if anything,
more strict on me for...
..who I work for.
You, my boy...
..can relax.
You did your homework.
Ah, thank you!
I've done my homework.
You did your homework, amazingly.
Pity you didn't do that
when you were at school.
I wouldn't be here, would I?
I've actually passed something
in my life.
You come here. Yeah.
It's my track but I'm going
to share it with you.
Probably the hardest circuit
in the world,
so there's your challenge.
Don't have to be on lap record pace,
but I need to see
you get the job done
without being a danger
to yourself or other people.
If you spin,
if you look like a liability,
if you cannot take instruction,
you will fail.
This thing is not a game.
It's a serious business.
He'll get a licence
if he earns a licence.
Be under no illusions about that.
Pretty good in a go-kart,
I'll give him that,
but this ain't exactly
a go-kart circuit, is it?
Silverstone, about to get real.
OK. Do you want to show me
what you've got?
I'll show you what first
and second gears got. (LAUGHTER)
Go on, Anthony!
Now, he's gotta let his driving
do the talking.
So, first of all,
look ahead as far as you can,
that's going to help you.
Into the inside,
that's nice, really smooth.
There he is!
Not setting the world on fire yet,
but he's going, I'll give him that.
So, let's put it all together
cos I need to shut up now.
You need to manage this yourself.
Sweaty palms, eh?
It isn't just a jolly for Anthony.
There's a lot depending on this.
Nice.
Good. Pace is good.
Here he goes.
Go on, boy! Give it to 'em!
That was quicker.
That was definitely quicker.
That's your best work so far.
I don't want
to overbuild your confidence,
but you are nice and smooth.
Woo!
If he can pass today
or, set him on the road to winning
a few trophies, it'd be good.
Good for business, good for the Cog,
good for all of us.
Silverstone. I enjoyed that.
That was actually quite cool.
OK, let's run through it.
"Demonstrates adequate forward
and peripheral vision." Yes.
"Awareness and consideration
for other vehicles,"
we were the only ones, not an issue.
I don't think Steve Deeks
will be taking any prisoners.
He would just tell him, if he don't
think he can drive, he'll tell him.
'Transition',
'brake into cornering',
actually, for a novice, very good.
I'll give you an 'A' for that.
So, here's the key part,
pass or fail?
Welcome to the world
of being a racing driver.
Thank you.
A massive miracle in my life.
I've actually passed...
one, a theory test,
and two, my actual driving test
to get my novice race licence.
I'm actually chuffed to bits.
You've actually done it. Well done,
mate. Cogs are going racing.
I knew you could do it. Come on.
Bring it in.
Bring it in! Well done.
The next thing to tick off
is actually a race.
Getting out there and seeing what
I'm actually like against people.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
So what's the plan today?
Plan, today, is get
this all stripped out
and, if possible,
clean the roof lining and the seats.
Argh! God!
Ah, brilliant.
Get in the car when I'm under it.
Great idea.
It's kind of apt that I finally die
under Oliver's wheels.
That's it, that's it, that's it.
There we go.
Oh, god!
Neil reckons we can get Oliver
painted and show ready
in a week or so.
All I need to do now is find
some shows to take him to.
(SIGHS) Research.
Research glasses required.
'UK car shows'.
I want, sort of, I want
to get away from the Bentleys,
they're brilliant. I love them,
but I want to get the more
general stuff
where Oliver would fit in.
'Dinky Dub'?
'Ultimate Street Car.'
Great, but not right for us.
'Preston Supercar Meet'.
I'm sure it's brilliant
but obviously,
it's just going to be supercars.
Ooh, 'Festival of the Unexceptional'.
'We prefer Ls to SRis,
Populars to Cosworths,
Renaults to Rolls-Royces'.
Well, it's not Lamborghinis
and Bentleys, is it?
It's perfect. These are our people.
If we go to that with Oliver,
he'll absolutely shine
because he is the most
humdrum little car ever made.
It's quite soon...
..but the rate of progress is such
that I don't think
it will be a problem.
Before I get the chance
to break the news,
there is a bit of a setback.
Oh!
Argh!
I've had pain in my back all day,
but I go... Just leaning
forward and just 'umph'. Oh!
There ain't much that stops me,
but when it does stop me,
I'm quite willing to admit it.
How's your back?
Proper agony, and I mean,
proper agony and in... Yeah.
Gone past... Bad, bad?
Proper can't stand up, bad, yeah.
We've really got to fix it.
I know. Seriously, I'm in agony.
No, but I mean, I need hands on this
car because it's gotta get done.
I'll just get the paint colour
to work...
I've found the event
we've got to take it to.
So, I'm slightly worried about your
back because it's this weekend.
What? It's this weekend.
Sorry, what? It's this weekend!
You're having a laugh, ain't ya?
No, look, but...
We were going... Until this,
we were going... Well, we... Look.
Interior is ready to be painted.
It is the perfect event
and I want to get this car there
because that's where Oliver
will shine.
If we're gonna stand a chance
of getting Oliver painted
and ready for the show, I need
to get Neil fixed, and soon.
Right.
I know an unbelievably good
osteopath.
He's mended me, like, brought me
back from the dead.
Pain threshold 1-100?
At the moment, it's about,
you know, negligible, 20.
The minute I walk,
and it goes to 150,
it's on a "let's collapse
on the floor", so, it's not good.
Can we take that five o'clock?
Oh, that is, that is so kind
that he'll do that. Thank you.
Right, I think we should do it.
Let's just do it. Let's go.
This has got to be painted by end of
day tomorrow to get it to that show.
Wasn't a problem this morning,
and now, we got a deadlines again...
This is proper not funny.
Basically, I have found the perfect
event for this car, it's on Saturday.
Yet again, Richard Hammond reappears
with a deadline with two days
and one person to work on it.
Are you gonna be able to get in?
Yeah, I'll get there, thank you.
Oh, my, my, my.
Oh! Why me?
Why me?
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
We took Oliver as far as we could
yesterday, but we can't paint it.
Neil is, hopefully,
back in today and can.
If he's not in,
or if he's still broken,
well, we'll have another problem
to cope with, won't we?
Morning. Morning.
Oh, my god. You cut your legs off.
Oh! Those are not good noises.
How are you feeling?
Better than yesterday,
but I was under strict instructions
not to go too mad.
So, I can do, probably,
I don't want to get inside that car,
again, but I can manage the outside
bit, so I'm just gonna
go steady and just keep going.
The key thing is:
we've got a hell of a rush on,
but if you break yourself...
No, I don't want to break myself.
..we're stuffed.
If Neil overdoes it,
it doesn't matter how good
all of this is, we can't paint it.
So, he's got to look after himself.
That's like trying to tell a dog
it can't go for walkies,
it just won't do it.
Luckily, I have a plan.
Daddy's called me in
to 'The Smallest Cog'
because they need some muscle,
basically,
and I'm going to come
and help them out.
I don't really know what I'm doing.
I am last resort.
Hello. Oh, hello.
I'm here. And reporting for duty.
Yes, indeed.
Thank god for that! Right!
What would you like me to do?
Well, you see what I'm doing?
Do that. I can clean.
I'm sorry it's not something more,
you know, arts and crafty.
(CAR HONKS)
That's the sandwiches.
Do you want a sandwich?
You've been working
for about ten minutes.
You can't stop and have a sandwich.
I will be feeding back to Mindy
what goes on in this place.
Thank you!
Because Daddy comes home,
giving it all of this,
"I'm knackered."
He's gone to have a sandwich.
It's half past nine!
This is fuel.
If I eat this,
I will work better and long...
Ow, it's bloody hot!
Rumour has it,
you're on minimum wage.
There is truth.
Call for industrial action here!
Oh, we're going on strike now,
are we? Yeah!
Maybe we will.
Oh.
I'm on the engine,
we got Dad on bodywork,
poor old Izzy's over there
scrubbing away.
Stress levels rising.
'The Festival of the Unexceptional'
isn't just a car show,
it's a proper car competition.
A competition we want to win.
Because it's a show
for unexceptional cars,
that doesn't mean that standards
are lower, I'm sure.
But how high are they? They might
give us a bit more wiggle room.
So, let's just have a look.
Judges will place
an emphasis on originality.
Cars are registered
between 1967 and 1997.
He's not eligible.
They weren't making
the Kadett in 1967.
Can't enter.
(GOOFY MUSIC PLAYING)
I... Uh...
If, if we...
I'm gonna... We still...
I'm still going to go.
I'm going to go
and I'm not going to tell them.
If I went out there now and told
them, that would be wrong.
Better that I protect them
from the truth.
I'll just tell them we didn't win.
I don't think Richard realises we're
gonna probably be here all night,
not a late night.
It's quite hard work,
I'm not going to lie.
But it's going to be satisfying
when it's done.
That's what you've got to think.
I am gonna try pleading
with the organisers.
They might take pity on me.
Hello, James.
Can we, sort of, not make
too much of a thing
about it not being eligible?
You are a few years out
and there's a panel of judges
who are extremely strict
and unfortunately,
there are just no exceptions.
Can I still come?
Listen. This is between us.
You come along.
We will find somewhere to put Oliver
so everybody can enjoy catching up
with Oliver, catching up with you.
Right, Thank you. Bye.
Thanks for your help.
There'll be a moment to tell them.
It's not this moment.
Got Oliver running...
..but Oliver don't seem very happy.
Right, turn it off!
Right... And again, go on.
Oh, my god.
They're gross. So, you're going
off to your second job?
I'll just work behind the bar.
No one cares
when you're pouring a pint.
All right, well done.
We couldn't have got that done,
and that.
Go on, then.
Much better!
Oh. And again.
The more time we spend solving
the mechanical problems,
the less time we are left
to paint it.
That feeling
when you want to sit in the corner
and just have...(CRIES).
Getting close to that.
The car has to turn up
under its own steam.
It can look pretty,
but if it doesn't work,
we can't go.
Right. Try it there.
What was it? I reckon it's moisture
in the distributor.
Reason might just be that the
universe is a pain in the arse.
Let's just get it there and show
the world how wonderful we are.
By scanning
the original paint colour,
Neil can reproduce it exactly,
to put Oliver back
to how he should be.
You wouldn't think all these colours
would go to make that colour?
Because Neil is temporarily
incapacitated by his agonising back,
he cannot get in the car...
..and paint it.
So, that means I'm going
to have to paint the inside.
I hope I don't balls this up.
I know it would be funny,
but it's Oliver.
I don't, I don't want to.
You won't balls it up.
Ah! I can't...
Do you want me to zip you up?
Yes. This is unpleasant.
Now, if you get in the middle...
I'm in.
I've got an itchy nose, obviously.
Perfect, that's it.
It's quite fiddly in here.
I'm trying to conduct an operation
in a collapsing Wendy house.
This is really cramped in here.
Oh, man, that's intense!
It's coming up to eleven o'clock now.
I'm absolutely drained and I painted
a few little corners in the interior.
He's got a whole car to do.
But that has got
to be hurting like hell.
How are you doing that
with your back?
No, it's all right. We're nearly
there now, ain't we?
It's like watching the car step
forwards out of my memory.
I hadn't realised how wrong
the colour had been
and that that wasn't really Oliver.
Mission accomplished.
Looks tidy, doesn't it?
Feel it looks more Oliver-y.
Oh! Man, that is Oliver!
That... Oh, that is just incredible.
That is the memory made
three dimensional.
It's absolutely fabulous.
25 to 12:00 I can foresee an early
start coming in the morning,
but I knew it'd happen.
Right.
Shutting up shop.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
The festival is a celebration
of ordinary and unexceptional cars.
Perfect for us, apart from the fact
that Oliver is too old to enter.
That is looking bloody great.
Nice. That's nice.
Utterly brilliant, is how it looks.
Look at that.
We get so caught up on alloy wheels
on everything... Yeah.
..that you forget.
That's transformed the car.
Right. Start.
(EXHALES) Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
We've been told that Oliver
must arrive under his own steam,
which is fine,
but he has got quite a cargo.
Us.
INDISTINCT is literally nothing
I can do,
I'm giving it everything he's got.
If we go any faster
into a bend, we'll roll.
I don't think I'll be
rolling around much.
No, no, we'll all be perfectly fine
cos we can't move.
If we crash, they'll just be trying
to work out whose bit is what.
I'm looking forward to this show.
I'm desperate to see the cars.
You'll see things
that you've forgotten about.
Definitely a few things
I wish I had forgotten about.
I still haven't told the lads
that Oliver isn't eligible.
I'll find the right time
to tell them. I'm sure I will.
Not now.
Chaps, you'll agree, prime position.
It's the first car they see
when they drive in.
Neil's pulled the window
winder off! (LAUGHS)
That's not a brilliant advert.
Just can't ever open
the window again.
Right, I'll let you out.
You know when you went on,
like, family holidays as a kid,
and all the other families
had windbreaks and cool boxes
and you had a rug, if you were lucky?
I brought a kit this time.
So, we are...
We're properly sorted, OK?
He's actually thought ahead.
That's the easel, set that up.
(LAUGHS) I've got us...
You can't pass it on, I'm afraid.
Oh!
..a special sign with all about...
and if it stops raining, deck chairs!
We all deserve
a sit down after this week.
We're going to be working, remember?
So, how many cars are actually here?
In the competition? Yeah.
Well, it's more about the whole day,
innit?
So, that goes there. There you go.
And hang on.
There you are. Perfect.
Time for Oliver to do his thing and,
hopefully, drum up some business.
Someone said, "I think there's a car
that looks like Oliver over there...
'Looks a bit like'? (LAUGHS)
No, that is!
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
So, what are you here in?
See the Proton over there,
that won last year.
I'm not in that one.
I'm in one in a much rougher
condition.
Take. OK. Look at our workmanship.
We are available.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Are you here with a car?
We've got Citroen XM.
It's a bit scabby around the edges.
We are open for business.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, a lot of these cars were
restored at home by owners,
but a lot have had work and I think
there might actually be
a job or two in there.
Where do we start?
Trust me on this. Simca.
When I was a kid,
there was one of those by the school.
Marina. There had to be one.
I'm not popular
with the Marina owners club.
Mark One Fiesta. (GASPS)
That's such a pretty little car.
This is an unusual vehicle.
Yes, it's a 1983
Toyota Sprinter Carib.
My Dad shipped it over to Sri Lanka
where I grew up.
So, I went to my first day of school
in this car and 2004,
the Boxing Day Tsunami...
Oh, oh, yeah. ..it was flooded
and it fell into a bad state.
We gave it in to a body shop
to fix it up
but I'm not quite happy
with how it's done.
What are you not happy with?
It's not the right gold
and so, it's not quite
the car I remember.
If we could do the job for you,
we could rub that down, scan that
and give you
the exact original colour
of every panel on there, which is
what we've done with Oliver.
Oh, really?
Yeah, we could definitely...
have you got a card?
Give you a card.
Give us a call. Perfect.
Thank you very much.
I feel like now might be the time
for a confession.
I mean, they've worked themselves
to death
to get the car ready be
in there, in the concourse.
They're going to kill me.
You will see a small Brummie torn
apart by three chubby Herefordians.
Erm, you know small print?
Small print? Yeah?
I don't always look at the details.
(LAUGHS) Right!
What little bit of detail did you
miss in the small print, then?
The dates of the car.
It can't be older than 1967.
We're not eligible.
Car's too old? You can't even...
I didn't read it.
I can't believe you never read
the small print, you tit!
I could swear, but I'm not going to.
I am heartily sorry.
You knew? Yes!
If I told you halfway
through yesterday,
you wouldn't have finished the car.
True.
We probably would have killed you.
Exactly, and where would
that have got any of us?
Well, that could have been worse.
Might as well go and see
what we could have won.
The winner of the 2022
Concours De L'Ordinaire,
goes to the three door Vauxhall
Astra Merit of Samuel Allan!
(APPLAUSE)
Come on, Sam!
Congratulations, mate!
Absolutely brilliant.
So, Ladies and gentlemen,
it can't have escaped your notice
that we've got
a few special guests today.
Oliver, ladies and gentlemen,
is here today.
Wanted to be part of the party,
and rather than say "No, too old,"
we've decided to give Oliver
a special award this afternoon.
So, ladies and gentlemen,
it's the award
for the "Best Effort To Enter
An Ineligible Car
into the Concours de l'Ordinaire."
(LAUGHTER)
Please put your hands together
for Richard Hammond and
'The Smallest Cog'! Come on up!
You've got a prize. (APPLAUSE)
INDISTINCT metaphoric work there.
Look at this, look.
We've actually won an award.
But this sets the benchmark,
now, doesn't it?
Only way is up.
Oliver is a remarkably fine car
it's clearly the result of a very
well carried out restoration.
We got a prize.
Something to take home
and the main thing is,
what I am going to do,
is immediately start looking
at where we can take it.
Right. Let's go. I don't know
if I can get in, I'm hurting.
What? No, not you, now! Come on!
Are you in, wedged in?
Come on, Dad.
You don't need your seatbelt.
INDISTINCT Right.
Please start now, Oliver.
Yay!
Chaps! We have, pretty much,
a royal visit today.
The world's leading expert
on Bentley Type Rs...
Ooh! (LAUGHS)
This is the Alvis.
It's nearing completion. Is it?
Right, turn the key.
Something worked! That's it!
Go out for a few laps.
Don't overdo it.
This is the moment of truth, really.
Oh, he's spun!
He's spun.
He's coming in for a pad change.
(LAUGHS)
..we race to get an old friend
ready for a big show...
No one ever sees
the bad side of Oliver.
What they see is cuddly Oliver.
I can't believe
you never read the small print!
..a long running job
hits more setbacks...
I think I've found a crack.
It's costing you to do this job.
Well, it's terrifying.
..and it's the moment of truth
for Anthony,
as he attempts to become
a proper racing driver.
He'll get a licence
if he earns a licence.
About to get real.
Not setting the world on fire yet
but he's going, I'll give him that.
Fire them up! Let's go!
I've fulfilled a lifelong dream.
Is this all yours? It's all ours.
I've set up a classic car
restoration business
with automotive wonder family,
Neil, Anthony, and Andrew Greenhouse.
(GASPS) Dad!
But it's become a money pit...
Bad, bad, bad.
..and if we don't break even soon...
Ten? But the budget's ten!
..there's a chance we go bust.
It's not going well at all.
So, I've come up
with ambitious new plans.
Welcome to your club.
We've just got to push forward
into the big league. (HONKS)
We're even going racing
to find cars that need our help.
Now wouldn't be the time
to give him a business card.
I'm determined to turn
my lifelong obsession...
Come on, little car!
..into a thriving business.
Will it turn over? No.
Is this a good idea?
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
I've learnt something.
It's good to be able
to show off our work,
to show off what we can do
in the workshop.
But when we finish the car,
it goes back to the owner
and we haven't got anything,
so we need a show car.
And I've had an idea.
I don't want anything fancy
cos it'll take too long...
and it's gotta be something
that we can quickly and cheaply
(GRUNTS) turn into a wonderful thing,
and here it is.
You see, that is Oliver. (GRUNTS)
He's not going
to cost a fortune to do.
Yeah, he's a bit dusty.
I haven't used him since we did the
opening of the workshop, actually,
and some of this...
I mean, there are issues,
but it's not a big restoration job.
We can make improvements
fairly inexpensively.
Oh, that is quite dusty.
I... Yeah, don't need that.
Yes, I'm pleased to see you.
See?
My 1963 Opel Kadett, Oliver,
once got me
right across the spine of Africa
on a certain well known TV show.
I'm hoping his fame should convince
the lads that this is a good idea.
I've got an old Jaguar XK120 in bits,
which we could make magnificent,
but it would cost about 150 grand's
worth of workshop hours.
This, I've already got, and as soon
as somebody sees it at the show,
They'll go, "Wait a minute, is that
that little yellow car Hammond...
"hang on, it is."
As a show car, I want Oliver
to be as original as possible
and at the moment,
he's the wrong colour.
Structurally, it's sound.
We can just put a proper finish on it
fairly quickly and...
Well, it will draw attention,
won't it?
No, no. Come on, Oliver.
I think we've...
Oh, we are dying.
Oh, dear. But look, look, look, look.
That... See, that's Oliver all over.
Oh, no, we've broken down,
but look where we've done it.
(LAUGHS) I'll sneak him
on the end of this line of cars
and he can pretend he's for sale.
(LAUGHS)
Bugger!
(GOOFY MUSIC PLAYING)
This is slightly awkward.
I've broken down on the way in
to persuade them that it's a good...
Yeah, it's ironic, isn't it?
You see, that's character
and personality for you.
Funny little bugger. (LAUGHS)
(PHONE RINGS) OK.
Hello?
Right, I'll grab some kit,
I'll come and have a INDISTINCT.
OK. I'll be there in a minute.
Hold on.
It's the perfect car!
Just needs a lick of paint
and it's good to go.
What are we doing today?
Oh, rescuing Richard.
He'll be on the side of the
road with a crowd round him.
"Oh, Richard,
can I have your autograph?"
Steady, smile!
So, people do know that little car?
Yeah, Oliver.
Yeah, my stepdad's already said.
That's Oliver. Fire away.
Hang on.
Oh, he's, he's on the dealership.
He's gonna flog her
on the forecourt! (LAUGHS)
Hello, sir. Do you do finance?
Honestly, come and have a look.
I looked inside there
and they're, all of it, corroded
and I don't think it's got
a strong spark. No. He doesn't.
Electronic ignition upgrade
INDISTINCT
What are you doing, driving this?
INDISTINCT was it?
No, I've had an idea.
We need a car to show people what
we can do, a car that gets attention.
The thing is,
he's a lovely little car,
but it's the wrong colour.
No, you're absolutely right.
It's not the colour
when I drove him across Africa.
He was a more custardy
sort of a yellow than this,
which is a bit too lemony.
Yeah, yeah.
You could quickly paint this.
I reckon it's a good idea.
OK.
Do you reckon it's going
to start now? I don't know.
Ready?
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
It was that.
Old school analogue ignition.
I'll see you back at the shop.
Celebrity coming!
Oh, mate, I'm going to leave
a big gap don't you worry.
We're out of here.
A mechanic's work is never done.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Look who it is.
Ah!
Right, now I've got to sell
the other guys in on the idea.
Oliver. I know.
You're keeping him nice
and clean, then?
Yeah, it has got a bit dusty, but
I've, I've brought him in
for a reason.
Yeah? Huh!
The problem is when we finish a car,
the customer has it back,
so we need a show car.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Well, everybody knows Oliver.
There you go.
Make it the colour
when I drove it in Africa,
which was a more custardy yellow,
but we can find out.
It's basically straight.
Steel wheels with hubcaps
would make it look more proper,
and the interior is not that bad.
There's no rips in those seats.
No, the seats are good,
they'll clean up. It needs a clean.
So, that's the suggestion,
what do you feel?
No deadline-y rushes on this one?
No.
Good. It's a brilliant idea.
How many garages would love
to get their hands on that...
If we were any other...
They'd jump on it.
Right, we're gonna do it.
Get on with it, then.
I've never had an idea go down
so well, ever, in my whole life.
I'm staggered. It feels weird.
The thing is, there always
something behind what he does.
You get that feeling that
this is leading to something.
While Andrew and Ant focus
on some of our paying jobs,
Neil and I get to work on Oliver.
There's the colour. Eh?
That's the colour it was.
Look. Look at the difference.
And that is Oliver.
That is the colour I want. Yeah.
Of all the cars, the one I most
want to work on is this one.
It's not any old car.
We had an adventure together,
at a really important time
in my life.
'Top Gear' just starting to become
an international TV show,
my two daughters were young,
very, very young.
I was a different bloke.
Different time.
Taking Oliver to car shows is one way
of generating new business
for the Cog.
Another is our plan
is to go classic car racing
and today, I'm hoping we can take
an important step towards our goal.
'The Smallest Cog' is going racing,
it's happening.
We've got the car.
The type of racing we're going to do,
you usually have two drivers.
One is a pro driver,
and I've already sorted that.
She's somebody I've worked
with before.
You might recognise her.
The other is usually somebody from
the team itself, usually a mechanic,
cos their job is to go out first
in the car, on the day,
do the first laps, shake it down,
make sure it's working,
and put it in a good position
to hand over to the pro driver.
It's a huge responsibility
and of our guys the other day,
when we were racing at the go-kart
track, Anthony showed some promise.
Today is all about seeing
if that promise works out
on a proper racetrack
in a proper race car.
And he gets to meet
our proper race driver.
I'm gonna go and get him.
I hope he's ready.
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
I haven't asked you this,
probably should have done,
have you driven on
an actual track before, not...
as opposed to go-karts? No.
I've been to a track to watch
motorsport, but never...
Actually, physically,
been on a proper track.
But I am aware that quite a lot
of it then sits on your shoulders...
Yeah, I'm feeling it.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
This is like a little boy's dream.
Yeah, it's all here, mate.
We have a racetrack, we have a car,
and we have a racing driver.
Abbie, hello! Hello.
Thank you for doing this.
Would you meet Anthony?
The pupil?
Anthony, she is a racing driver.
Yeah, nice to meet you.
Make him one.
If I was to look for, like,
the perfect racing driver,
it would be someone who's fearless,
got finesse,
really can listen
and feel the race car,
and someone that's super,
super physically fit.
I'm actually going to be out there
with a professional racing driver
in a proper car.
I'm not going to lie.
It's setting in a bit.
There he goes.
When it goes green, don't floor it,
just going to ease it on.
So, up a gear
and looking well ahead,
looking for that red arrow,
braking in a straight line
to the red.
Off the brakes, over to the apex,
looking well ahead
to what's coming up next.
Good. He's still the right way up.
Helping him with the braking points,
telling him when to get on the power.
Just start squeezing in
a bit more power now.
Keep going, a little bit more.
Bit more, bit more.
Confidence.
Usually, what happens is, you build
confidence and then, you crash.
A bit faster now, down into here,
looking well ahead
for that red arrow.
On the brakes now.
Good, that's it, keep on the brakes,
keep... More brake, more, more. Off.
A couple of the other cars have gone
through, but that's his first lap.
If Ant is going to race for the Cog,
he'll need a racing licence
and for that,
he'll need to up his game.
Well, you didn't scream. No.
I can't scream cos if I scream,
Richard will take
the mick out of me.
See where I'm going wrong.
OK. Two lines here.
So, this is your speed.
You're actually slightly better,
speed wise,
on your lap towards the end.
The way you started was 150
and you've now done a 137.3.
Your theoretical, here, which is,
basically, if you strung together
every single corner perfectly,
you would have found another
nearly four-tenths of a second.
So, the computer is saying,
I am capable of that. Yeah, yeah.
Let's try that, then.
You can see where I'm losing time,
so now,
if I can get anywhere
near 136 point...
I think it's nine,
I'll be very, very happy.
(ENGINE ROARING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
So, over to the red.
Brake earlier than you think.
Turn. Get it straight and go hard.
Up a gear. Up a gear.
Up a gear, looking for the red.
Brake now. Nice.
Good news or bad news?
You did a 132... Two?
..point 98. Oh!
So, you just snuck into the 32s.
Get in there! I'm happy with that.
That's absolutely wicked, mate.
You smashed his time. Thank you.
You've been absolutely brilliant.
When Ant turned up this morning,
"How are we going to make
a racing driver out of this guy?"
but actually, he's improved
so much through the day.
I think Richard's picked a good'un.
There's a lot to come yet.
We will get some more training in.
To get you through your race licence.
Oh, yeah, forgot about... And the
first race will be on the horizon.
Big day for the Cog that, won't it?
but I can't afford to have him
give up the day job just yet.
Especially when that job is trying
to finish our biggest project,
the restoration of a 1952 Alvis.
Taken the head off the Alvis engine
and do a leak test, fill the chamber
up and see if the fluid stays there.
If it doesn't, we've got an issue.
This is just a waiting game,
now, to see if the levels change.
Oh, hang on.
What's that?
Oh, that ain't good.
I think I've actually found a crack.
Ooh, we didn't want
to be seeing that.
We've already agreed to restore
the Alvis at a fixed price,
for a loyal customer of Neil's,
but a new cylinder head
wasn't part of the deal.
Right. So, I'm on my way to Richard.
Very worrying on the Alvis.
Anthony's not aware
of the number of hours Neil's done,
Neil's not aware of the number
of hours Anthony's.
I don't think
that they understand the impact
this has on the cash flow.
Kamla, hello.
Is it all right if I come in?
Yeah, come in.
You've finished, yeah?
So, I don't know if you know,
myself and Mindy dropped in
at the workshop
a couple of weeks ago?
I did hear words to that effect.
I asked them for an update
on the Alvis.
Hours are still way over
what we had estimated. Yeah.
But, sorry, can I just add to that?
The job's not finished. No.
So, all the overspend on this,
the company, now, has to mop up.
It's actually costing you
to do this job. Right.
It's actually quite bad. Mm.
In the meantime,
I've had another idea. Yep.
A quicker way of drumming up
the business.
Show people what we've done. Yeah.
Cos otherwise, they don't know.
So, we need a show car. Right.
To take to shows to show people
Yeah, good idea.
and I've got the perfect car. Go on.
Oliver.
How much is that going to cost?
We're not going
to charge ourselves, are we?
I mean, it's not a customer job.
And it's still work taken away
from billable jobs.
I get him done as quickly as I can,
I will look for an event
to take him to
and see if we can get work.
I'm on board with you on that,
Richard. I agree.
We need to get our name out there.
But in the meantime, you have
to understand that all the time
we're pulling the lads away
from payable jobs,
you're funding the company.
You're paying for the running
of the business.
It's terrifying. OK, will do.
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
Well, that wasn't as bad as some
of the meetings we've had,
but there is no doubt that now,
I am still supporting the company
out of my own pocket.
That's just a fact.
We'll get there.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
You can probably tell we've had
a bit of a tidy up
cos we've got a customer coming in.
Michael, the owner of Alvis
that's still in the building,
he needs to know about the problem
we found with the cylinder head
because we do have an issue
with the money on his car.
We quoted him 15 with a discount.
We've already spent that.
They're not just working
because you're coming in,
they have been working
on it genuinely.
Honestly, they have.
That's very impressive.
The engine. Oof! Anthony's clutches.
The crack goes into the valve seat.
It's split.
And that one there,
is starting to go as well.
So, obviously, there are various
options from this point.
One, investigate
getting this one repaired...
Cos the problem is,
if you get it stitch welded,
you've got to get it machined,
so, it's more cost in machining
then to get it there...
And then, seat the valves back in.
The other option is 800 quid
for a replacement head
and the third option,
and it's your call,
it's got to be at your risk...
It would have to your risk.
..that's a potential problem...
Not when we're doing all this.
I think the answer,
we'll put a new head on it.
The one thing we didn't agree
with you, so it's our own fault,
is to see if there's any possibility
of staged payments.
Yeah, yeah, we can...
Because, I mean, we've done...
Quite a lot of work, you know?
It's great to see progress
on the Alvis
and, as always, it ends up being
a rather more expensive exercise
than one had perhaps
originally hoped.
So, we've got to justify what we're
saying things are going to cost
but it's perfectly reasonable
of a business this size to say,
"OK, the bill is likely
to be 50 grand,
but can we have some of that
to get us going, please,
cos otherwise, we'll go broke."
Anthony has got to go up
to Silverstone for his driving test,
his, sort of, race license thing,
and I got no doubt,
he is a good driver,
there's no two ways about that,
but he's not academic.
I think he's scared
that he's going to blow it
because of his paperwork test.
A bit of a panic mode
when a test comes up.
As I think I'll be
able to do the driving part,
when it comes to the theory, if you
fail, then you've failed your test.
This could be quite embarrassing,
as Richard has put a lot of trust
in me to go and actually do this.
I've been trying to help him
and I know he is a bright lad.
He's my son, I know.
I've watched him strip
V6 Mercedes engines to bits,
all over the floor...
No photographs, no phone,
and just rebuilt it all, perfect
and if you give him a car,
he can drive it.
When he was a kid,
used to take him go-karting,
and he would go with people
who were really experienced
and "This is my son,
he's the best driver."
"He's brilliant," "Yeah, he's
an ex so-and-so, so-and-so"
and Anthony never used
to say anything...
and he would beat them all.
You'd be listening, then,
the excuses.
"Oh, you're just having a bad day"
and all this lot
and I thought, "No, you ain't,
you just met him." (LAUGHS)
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
Here we are, heading to Silverstone,
home of British racing.
British racing, indeed.
How are you feeling, then?
Nervous. The last time I done
a test was 18 years ago.
Don't let it play on your mind
that you've got the whole future
of the business in your hands.
Hello, boys!
-You must be Ant. Steve.
-That's right, yeah.
You must be Dad. Hello.
Pleased to meet you.
Welcome
to Silverstone's race control.
Nice and cool up here, ain't it?
For now. I think,
you're going to be sweating...
Yeah, I can imagine why, as well.
There we go. Take a seat.
First thing you need to do,
the exam.
Right, cos it is actually
really critical,
particularly with respect
to things like the flags.
So, in the first section, you can't
afford to even get one wrong.
15 minutes. 15 minutes.
15 minutes, and I'll be back.
Perfect.
There's no room for error
in this business.
If people fail the exam,
absolutely and unequivocally,
they're going to fail
the whole thing.
The last time I did a written test
would have been 17 years ago.
It's quite hard because
I can't remember half of the stuff
I've read.
For a novice coming into the sport,
it's technical,
like getting a flying licence.
You have to get 100%
for the first 18 questions.
And that's it. I've done the best
I can, but we'll see.
Too nervous to give it to him,
just in case its wrong.
Don't smell too fresh in here.
No, but I've done my best.
Do you want to hand it to me? No.
Well, I know you don't want to.
Let's have a look at this. Oh.
Well, he's got the front page right,
he knows his own name.
Scared and worried.
Like waiting for your child
to be born
when your missus
goes into labour, innit?
He ain't going to pass me
just because of what I'm doing.
I think, if, if anything,
more strict on me for...
..who I work for.
You, my boy...
..can relax.
You did your homework.
Ah, thank you!
I've done my homework.
You did your homework, amazingly.
Pity you didn't do that
when you were at school.
I wouldn't be here, would I?
I've actually passed something
in my life.
You come here. Yeah.
It's my track but I'm going
to share it with you.
Probably the hardest circuit
in the world,
so there's your challenge.
Don't have to be on lap record pace,
but I need to see
you get the job done
without being a danger
to yourself or other people.
If you spin,
if you look like a liability,
if you cannot take instruction,
you will fail.
This thing is not a game.
It's a serious business.
He'll get a licence
if he earns a licence.
Be under no illusions about that.
Pretty good in a go-kart,
I'll give him that,
but this ain't exactly
a go-kart circuit, is it?
Silverstone, about to get real.
OK. Do you want to show me
what you've got?
I'll show you what first
and second gears got. (LAUGHTER)
Go on, Anthony!
Now, he's gotta let his driving
do the talking.
So, first of all,
look ahead as far as you can,
that's going to help you.
Into the inside,
that's nice, really smooth.
There he is!
Not setting the world on fire yet,
but he's going, I'll give him that.
So, let's put it all together
cos I need to shut up now.
You need to manage this yourself.
Sweaty palms, eh?
It isn't just a jolly for Anthony.
There's a lot depending on this.
Nice.
Good. Pace is good.
Here he goes.
Go on, boy! Give it to 'em!
That was quicker.
That was definitely quicker.
That's your best work so far.
I don't want
to overbuild your confidence,
but you are nice and smooth.
Woo!
If he can pass today
or, set him on the road to winning
a few trophies, it'd be good.
Good for business, good for the Cog,
good for all of us.
Silverstone. I enjoyed that.
That was actually quite cool.
OK, let's run through it.
"Demonstrates adequate forward
and peripheral vision." Yes.
"Awareness and consideration
for other vehicles,"
we were the only ones, not an issue.
I don't think Steve Deeks
will be taking any prisoners.
He would just tell him, if he don't
think he can drive, he'll tell him.
'Transition',
'brake into cornering',
actually, for a novice, very good.
I'll give you an 'A' for that.
So, here's the key part,
pass or fail?
Welcome to the world
of being a racing driver.
Thank you.
A massive miracle in my life.
I've actually passed...
one, a theory test,
and two, my actual driving test
to get my novice race licence.
I'm actually chuffed to bits.
You've actually done it. Well done,
mate. Cogs are going racing.
I knew you could do it. Come on.
Bring it in.
Bring it in! Well done.
The next thing to tick off
is actually a race.
Getting out there and seeing what
I'm actually like against people.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
So what's the plan today?
Plan, today, is get
this all stripped out
and, if possible,
clean the roof lining and the seats.
Argh! God!
Ah, brilliant.
Get in the car when I'm under it.
Great idea.
It's kind of apt that I finally die
under Oliver's wheels.
That's it, that's it, that's it.
There we go.
Oh, god!
Neil reckons we can get Oliver
painted and show ready
in a week or so.
All I need to do now is find
some shows to take him to.
(SIGHS) Research.
Research glasses required.
'UK car shows'.
I want, sort of, I want
to get away from the Bentleys,
they're brilliant. I love them,
but I want to get the more
general stuff
where Oliver would fit in.
'Dinky Dub'?
'Ultimate Street Car.'
Great, but not right for us.
'Preston Supercar Meet'.
I'm sure it's brilliant
but obviously,
it's just going to be supercars.
Ooh, 'Festival of the Unexceptional'.
'We prefer Ls to SRis,
Populars to Cosworths,
Renaults to Rolls-Royces'.
Well, it's not Lamborghinis
and Bentleys, is it?
It's perfect. These are our people.
If we go to that with Oliver,
he'll absolutely shine
because he is the most
humdrum little car ever made.
It's quite soon...
..but the rate of progress is such
that I don't think
it will be a problem.
Before I get the chance
to break the news,
there is a bit of a setback.
Oh!
Argh!
I've had pain in my back all day,
but I go... Just leaning
forward and just 'umph'. Oh!
There ain't much that stops me,
but when it does stop me,
I'm quite willing to admit it.
How's your back?
Proper agony, and I mean,
proper agony and in... Yeah.
Gone past... Bad, bad?
Proper can't stand up, bad, yeah.
We've really got to fix it.
I know. Seriously, I'm in agony.
No, but I mean, I need hands on this
car because it's gotta get done.
I'll just get the paint colour
to work...
I've found the event
we've got to take it to.
So, I'm slightly worried about your
back because it's this weekend.
What? It's this weekend.
Sorry, what? It's this weekend!
You're having a laugh, ain't ya?
No, look, but...
We were going... Until this,
we were going... Well, we... Look.
Interior is ready to be painted.
It is the perfect event
and I want to get this car there
because that's where Oliver
will shine.
If we're gonna stand a chance
of getting Oliver painted
and ready for the show, I need
to get Neil fixed, and soon.
Right.
I know an unbelievably good
osteopath.
He's mended me, like, brought me
back from the dead.
Pain threshold 1-100?
At the moment, it's about,
you know, negligible, 20.
The minute I walk,
and it goes to 150,
it's on a "let's collapse
on the floor", so, it's not good.
Can we take that five o'clock?
Oh, that is, that is so kind
that he'll do that. Thank you.
Right, I think we should do it.
Let's just do it. Let's go.
This has got to be painted by end of
day tomorrow to get it to that show.
Wasn't a problem this morning,
and now, we got a deadlines again...
This is proper not funny.
Basically, I have found the perfect
event for this car, it's on Saturday.
Yet again, Richard Hammond reappears
with a deadline with two days
and one person to work on it.
Are you gonna be able to get in?
Yeah, I'll get there, thank you.
Oh, my, my, my.
Oh! Why me?
Why me?
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
We took Oliver as far as we could
yesterday, but we can't paint it.
Neil is, hopefully,
back in today and can.
If he's not in,
or if he's still broken,
well, we'll have another problem
to cope with, won't we?
Morning. Morning.
Oh, my god. You cut your legs off.
Oh! Those are not good noises.
How are you feeling?
Better than yesterday,
but I was under strict instructions
not to go too mad.
So, I can do, probably,
I don't want to get inside that car,
again, but I can manage the outside
bit, so I'm just gonna
go steady and just keep going.
The key thing is:
we've got a hell of a rush on,
but if you break yourself...
No, I don't want to break myself.
..we're stuffed.
If Neil overdoes it,
it doesn't matter how good
all of this is, we can't paint it.
So, he's got to look after himself.
That's like trying to tell a dog
it can't go for walkies,
it just won't do it.
Luckily, I have a plan.
Daddy's called me in
to 'The Smallest Cog'
because they need some muscle,
basically,
and I'm going to come
and help them out.
I don't really know what I'm doing.
I am last resort.
Hello. Oh, hello.
I'm here. And reporting for duty.
Yes, indeed.
Thank god for that! Right!
What would you like me to do?
Well, you see what I'm doing?
Do that. I can clean.
I'm sorry it's not something more,
you know, arts and crafty.
(CAR HONKS)
That's the sandwiches.
Do you want a sandwich?
You've been working
for about ten minutes.
You can't stop and have a sandwich.
I will be feeding back to Mindy
what goes on in this place.
Thank you!
Because Daddy comes home,
giving it all of this,
"I'm knackered."
He's gone to have a sandwich.
It's half past nine!
This is fuel.
If I eat this,
I will work better and long...
Ow, it's bloody hot!
Rumour has it,
you're on minimum wage.
There is truth.
Call for industrial action here!
Oh, we're going on strike now,
are we? Yeah!
Maybe we will.
Oh.
I'm on the engine,
we got Dad on bodywork,
poor old Izzy's over there
scrubbing away.
Stress levels rising.
'The Festival of the Unexceptional'
isn't just a car show,
it's a proper car competition.
A competition we want to win.
Because it's a show
for unexceptional cars,
that doesn't mean that standards
are lower, I'm sure.
But how high are they? They might
give us a bit more wiggle room.
So, let's just have a look.
Judges will place
an emphasis on originality.
Cars are registered
between 1967 and 1997.
He's not eligible.
They weren't making
the Kadett in 1967.
Can't enter.
(GOOFY MUSIC PLAYING)
I... Uh...
If, if we...
I'm gonna... We still...
I'm still going to go.
I'm going to go
and I'm not going to tell them.
If I went out there now and told
them, that would be wrong.
Better that I protect them
from the truth.
I'll just tell them we didn't win.
I don't think Richard realises we're
gonna probably be here all night,
not a late night.
It's quite hard work,
I'm not going to lie.
But it's going to be satisfying
when it's done.
That's what you've got to think.
I am gonna try pleading
with the organisers.
They might take pity on me.
Hello, James.
Can we, sort of, not make
too much of a thing
about it not being eligible?
You are a few years out
and there's a panel of judges
who are extremely strict
and unfortunately,
there are just no exceptions.
Can I still come?
Listen. This is between us.
You come along.
We will find somewhere to put Oliver
so everybody can enjoy catching up
with Oliver, catching up with you.
Right, Thank you. Bye.
Thanks for your help.
There'll be a moment to tell them.
It's not this moment.
Got Oliver running...
..but Oliver don't seem very happy.
Right, turn it off!
Right... And again, go on.
Oh, my god.
They're gross. So, you're going
off to your second job?
I'll just work behind the bar.
No one cares
when you're pouring a pint.
All right, well done.
We couldn't have got that done,
and that.
Go on, then.
Much better!
Oh. And again.
The more time we spend solving
the mechanical problems,
the less time we are left
to paint it.
That feeling
when you want to sit in the corner
and just have...(CRIES).
Getting close to that.
The car has to turn up
under its own steam.
It can look pretty,
but if it doesn't work,
we can't go.
Right. Try it there.
What was it? I reckon it's moisture
in the distributor.
Reason might just be that the
universe is a pain in the arse.
Let's just get it there and show
the world how wonderful we are.
By scanning
the original paint colour,
Neil can reproduce it exactly,
to put Oliver back
to how he should be.
You wouldn't think all these colours
would go to make that colour?
Because Neil is temporarily
incapacitated by his agonising back,
he cannot get in the car...
..and paint it.
So, that means I'm going
to have to paint the inside.
I hope I don't balls this up.
I know it would be funny,
but it's Oliver.
I don't, I don't want to.
You won't balls it up.
Ah! I can't...
Do you want me to zip you up?
Yes. This is unpleasant.
Now, if you get in the middle...
I'm in.
I've got an itchy nose, obviously.
Perfect, that's it.
It's quite fiddly in here.
I'm trying to conduct an operation
in a collapsing Wendy house.
This is really cramped in here.
Oh, man, that's intense!
It's coming up to eleven o'clock now.
I'm absolutely drained and I painted
a few little corners in the interior.
He's got a whole car to do.
But that has got
to be hurting like hell.
How are you doing that
with your back?
No, it's all right. We're nearly
there now, ain't we?
It's like watching the car step
forwards out of my memory.
I hadn't realised how wrong
the colour had been
and that that wasn't really Oliver.
Mission accomplished.
Looks tidy, doesn't it?
Feel it looks more Oliver-y.
Oh! Man, that is Oliver!
That... Oh, that is just incredible.
That is the memory made
three dimensional.
It's absolutely fabulous.
25 to 12:00 I can foresee an early
start coming in the morning,
but I knew it'd happen.
Right.
Shutting up shop.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
The festival is a celebration
of ordinary and unexceptional cars.
Perfect for us, apart from the fact
that Oliver is too old to enter.
That is looking bloody great.
Nice. That's nice.
Utterly brilliant, is how it looks.
Look at that.
We get so caught up on alloy wheels
on everything... Yeah.
..that you forget.
That's transformed the car.
Right. Start.
(EXHALES) Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
We've been told that Oliver
must arrive under his own steam,
which is fine,
but he has got quite a cargo.
Us.
INDISTINCT is literally nothing
I can do,
I'm giving it everything he's got.
If we go any faster
into a bend, we'll roll.
I don't think I'll be
rolling around much.
No, no, we'll all be perfectly fine
cos we can't move.
If we crash, they'll just be trying
to work out whose bit is what.
I'm looking forward to this show.
I'm desperate to see the cars.
You'll see things
that you've forgotten about.
Definitely a few things
I wish I had forgotten about.
I still haven't told the lads
that Oliver isn't eligible.
I'll find the right time
to tell them. I'm sure I will.
Not now.
Chaps, you'll agree, prime position.
It's the first car they see
when they drive in.
Neil's pulled the window
winder off! (LAUGHS)
That's not a brilliant advert.
Just can't ever open
the window again.
Right, I'll let you out.
You know when you went on,
like, family holidays as a kid,
and all the other families
had windbreaks and cool boxes
and you had a rug, if you were lucky?
I brought a kit this time.
So, we are...
We're properly sorted, OK?
He's actually thought ahead.
That's the easel, set that up.
(LAUGHS) I've got us...
You can't pass it on, I'm afraid.
Oh!
..a special sign with all about...
and if it stops raining, deck chairs!
We all deserve
a sit down after this week.
We're going to be working, remember?
So, how many cars are actually here?
In the competition? Yeah.
Well, it's more about the whole day,
innit?
So, that goes there. There you go.
And hang on.
There you are. Perfect.
Time for Oliver to do his thing and,
hopefully, drum up some business.
Someone said, "I think there's a car
that looks like Oliver over there...
'Looks a bit like'? (LAUGHS)
No, that is!
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
So, what are you here in?
See the Proton over there,
that won last year.
I'm not in that one.
I'm in one in a much rougher
condition.
Take. OK. Look at our workmanship.
We are available.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Are you here with a car?
We've got Citroen XM.
It's a bit scabby around the edges.
We are open for business.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, a lot of these cars were
restored at home by owners,
but a lot have had work and I think
there might actually be
a job or two in there.
Where do we start?
Trust me on this. Simca.
When I was a kid,
there was one of those by the school.
Marina. There had to be one.
I'm not popular
with the Marina owners club.
Mark One Fiesta. (GASPS)
That's such a pretty little car.
This is an unusual vehicle.
Yes, it's a 1983
Toyota Sprinter Carib.
My Dad shipped it over to Sri Lanka
where I grew up.
So, I went to my first day of school
in this car and 2004,
the Boxing Day Tsunami...
Oh, oh, yeah. ..it was flooded
and it fell into a bad state.
We gave it in to a body shop
to fix it up
but I'm not quite happy
with how it's done.
What are you not happy with?
It's not the right gold
and so, it's not quite
the car I remember.
If we could do the job for you,
we could rub that down, scan that
and give you
the exact original colour
of every panel on there, which is
what we've done with Oliver.
Oh, really?
Yeah, we could definitely...
have you got a card?
Give you a card.
Give us a call. Perfect.
Thank you very much.
I feel like now might be the time
for a confession.
I mean, they've worked themselves
to death
to get the car ready be
in there, in the concourse.
They're going to kill me.
You will see a small Brummie torn
apart by three chubby Herefordians.
Erm, you know small print?
Small print? Yeah?
I don't always look at the details.
(LAUGHS) Right!
What little bit of detail did you
miss in the small print, then?
The dates of the car.
It can't be older than 1967.
We're not eligible.
Car's too old? You can't even...
I didn't read it.
I can't believe you never read
the small print, you tit!
I could swear, but I'm not going to.
I am heartily sorry.
You knew? Yes!
If I told you halfway
through yesterday,
you wouldn't have finished the car.
True.
We probably would have killed you.
Exactly, and where would
that have got any of us?
Well, that could have been worse.
Might as well go and see
what we could have won.
The winner of the 2022
Concours De L'Ordinaire,
goes to the three door Vauxhall
Astra Merit of Samuel Allan!
(APPLAUSE)
Come on, Sam!
Congratulations, mate!
Absolutely brilliant.
So, Ladies and gentlemen,
it can't have escaped your notice
that we've got
a few special guests today.
Oliver, ladies and gentlemen,
is here today.
Wanted to be part of the party,
and rather than say "No, too old,"
we've decided to give Oliver
a special award this afternoon.
So, ladies and gentlemen,
it's the award
for the "Best Effort To Enter
An Ineligible Car
into the Concours de l'Ordinaire."
(LAUGHTER)
Please put your hands together
for Richard Hammond and
'The Smallest Cog'! Come on up!
You've got a prize. (APPLAUSE)
INDISTINCT metaphoric work there.
Look at this, look.
We've actually won an award.
But this sets the benchmark,
now, doesn't it?
Only way is up.
Oliver is a remarkably fine car
it's clearly the result of a very
well carried out restoration.
We got a prize.
Something to take home
and the main thing is,
what I am going to do,
is immediately start looking
at where we can take it.
Right. Let's go. I don't know
if I can get in, I'm hurting.
What? No, not you, now! Come on!
Are you in, wedged in?
Come on, Dad.
You don't need your seatbelt.
INDISTINCT Right.
Please start now, Oliver.
Yay!
Chaps! We have, pretty much,
a royal visit today.
The world's leading expert
on Bentley Type Rs...
Ooh! (LAUGHS)
This is the Alvis.
It's nearing completion. Is it?
Right, turn the key.
Something worked! That's it!
Go out for a few laps.
Don't overdo it.
This is the moment of truth, really.
Oh, he's spun!
He's spun.
He's coming in for a pad change.
(LAUGHS)