Resident Alien (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 10 - The Ghost of Bobby Smallwood - full transcript
Asta helps Harry learn how to deal with his newfound fear of death.
- Previously on
"resident alien"...
- How long do you think I have?
- Do you like christmas?
- Yes, very much.
- Celebrate it before June.
- My birthday's coming up.
I was wondering if you might
want to do something that day.
- I would love that.
- Pick me up at
the diner at 1:00?
the baby hatched.
- What the...?
- it's a stupid
kiss. Who cares?
D'arcy was drunk and
sad. Big surprise.
- Maybe you should
learn to talk to ben
about your feelings
instead of stuffing them
inside a 90-mile
vertical treadmill run.
- Hello, harry.
Our people are not
coming to kill everyone.
There is an alien
race that's planning
to take over the
earth. They are...
- whoa.
- I should have never
made you kill sam hodges.
- You shot me.
- I should have just
taken care of it myself.
- I just wanna forget
the whole thing.
- I can erase all
of her memories
of that night for her, and
she will be happy again.
She will forget, and
everything will be okay.
- I'm tired. I wanna go home.
- Shush now.
Mama said not to come home
until we fetch some dinner.
- Bobby! Wait for me.
bobby!
Bobby, where are you?
Bobby? Bobby?
- Bobby?
- Bobby!
- Bobby?
- Where are you, bobby?
- Bobby!
- Bobby?
- who is in my house?
Max, if that is you
and your criminal wife,
I will be very angry.
- Good morning.
- You are not a little child.
- I made coffee.
Hey, I think we should
check on the alien egg.
I'm a little worried that
the noise from the party
might have woken
it up or something.
- The memory replacement
I did on her worked well.
She does not remember that
the alien baby escaped.
She also forgot
how to make coffee.
This tastes like dirt stew.
Do not worry about the baby.
It is in the bunker in its shell
and definitely not somewhere
else who-knows-where.
- That's a relief.
I will take good news wherever
I can get it these days.
- A smile?
I like smiley asta much more
than the sad, sobby asta
I saw last night.
I have some more good
news for you to smile to.
- Okay.
- I was in the bunker and
definitely nowhere else,
checking on the baby,
and it gave me a
message telepathically.
My people are no longer
coming to destroy mankind.
- What? How does
it even know that?
- Goliath passed the message
to me through the alien.
I do not even know
how he did it.
It was so weird.
You no longer have to ever
make me feel uncomfortable
with your sadness again.
- They're really not coming?
- Mm.
- You're serious?
- No, I'm not
serious. I'm smiling.
- harry.
Oh, harry,
this is the best news I've
ever heard in my life.
oh, wow. I'm so happy.
Wait, wait. Did it
say anything else?
- Yes, there is another
evil alien race on earth
that will probably kill us all.
No, it did not,
just the good stuff.
Happy asta.
- Finally, after
everything, it's over?
we're safe.
- No, the earth is
doomed, but at least
I do not have to clean
crying snot off your face.
I have completed a full
autopsy on the victim,
tanner corrington.
My initial theory
after you found
the shell casing in the woods
was that the crime was
committed with a rifle
where the murderer
was standing over
the county line
in patience.
- Mm, wild
speculation. Continue.
- The chest wound shows no
sign of soiling or tattooing
proving that the gun was
fired mid to far range.
My official findings
are consistent with
my initial theory.
I was right, and
now I'm more right.
- Yeah, well, patience
shooter means patience murder.
- Mm, objection.
- Overruled.
- Sustained.
- It's not a trial.
It's an autopsy.
- Yes, but how
can we really know
what happens based
on a dead body?
- The autopsy.
- That hole could
be from anything.
Hey, you want close range?
I'll give you close range.
A jessup murderer
lights a firecracker,
pressed it in the guy's chest.
Bam, dead guy, killer
with three fingers.
We are looking
for a three-fingered
jessup resident,
maybe someone who works
at the gas station.
I think piano teachers are out.
So look into that. Let
me know what you find.
- This man is more
annoying than his son.
- This all seems very
thorough, doctor.
Thank you.
Looks like we're
partners on this one.
- I want this dead thing gone.
Every time I look at it,
I'm reminded that if the bullet
that hit me was a
few inches lower...
- why do you scream
like my mother?
- It was not a scream.
It was a sneeze.
Ha-ha-choo!
I have a very thin larynx.
- Here's your schedule.
Also, gerard hundemer needs
you to do a house call
to bring him pain medication.
- He's dying. I
do not want to go.
It is depressing. Cancel.
- You're joking, right?
- Of course I'm
joking. Ha-ha-ha.
Reschedule it till
after he is dead.
- Also, you need to sign
this to release the body.
- I will be happy when this
annoying lump of skin is gone.
- The funeral home
is shipping it back
to new york this afternoon.
- I was talking about you.
- I suggest you don't
leave food in the fridge.
- No, you will leave
my yogurt alone.
Oh, ew.
- Hello.
choo.
- Bless you?
- What are you doing in here?
This is not your home.
- Well, I was in the kitchen,
but they're out of those
yogurts I like, so...
- Those are my yogurts.
- Is asta around?
I haven't heard from her.
- I forgot about asta's
friendship with raggedy ann.
I cannot have her remind
asta she is a killer.
Asta has the day off.
If you see her,
do not mention...
The "incident."
- what incident?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
- The murder.
- I know what you're
talking about.
- You said you did not know
what I was talking about.
- Because I don't
wanna talk about it.
- I do not want
to talk about it.
I do not even care.
- You're in denial.
- I am not in denial.
- So you're in denial
about being in denial?
- Yes. No. I deny denying it.
- Yeah, I just...
What made somebody
wanna kill you,
harry vanderspeigle?
You say it's 'cause
you figured out
who killed sam hodges.
Are you sure it's
not something else?
- Your breath smells
like corn and kerosene.
- I would do anything for asta,
so if you've dragged her
into something that's
gonna hurt her,
I might just have
to kill you myself.
You know what I'm talking about?
- help. Help!
I need help. Something bit me.
- Ellen, I need a large bandage
and those three
yogurts you stole.
- You have no proof.
- What did this?
- They'll say I'm crazy,
but I think it was a chupacabra.
A tiny monster. It
attacked my cows.
- It ate them?
- No. It milked them.
12 of my poor girls
have damaged teats.
What am I gonna do?
I have 35 dairy cows
filled with milk.
- Yum.
- What?
- What?
With that many milk
sacks to drain,
the alien baby will
go back for more.
- Here it is.
- Ellen, please bandage
the milk farmer.
I have an emergency.
- hey.
- Hi.
- Great party the other
night. Wait, were you there?
- I'm sorry I said what I said.
- Don't be. It's all true.
What I did... Sucked.
I was truly an asshole.
- Look, ben and I have things
to work out, obviously,
and, you know, if
he can't talk to me,
then he and I will
deal with that,
but I just wish he
would've told me.
- I should have.
I... you have every
right to be pissed.
- I've lived here a long time,
and I still... I still
don't really know anybody.
So when you and I started
hanging out, it was nice...
Not feeling so alone.
- It's nice having someone else
here with athletic trophies
gathering dust on a shelf.
- Mine are in a box, but...
need someone to spot you?
- Need someone make fun
of you when you run?
- Weirdly, that's
exactly what I need.
- I love cows.
Humans could live on
a plant-only diet,
but they are too selfish.
They choose to feed off
these wonderful animals
instead of just letting
them live their lives.
I must wait here
as long as it takes
for the baby to return and feed.
Otherwise, it may
take human form,
and I may never find it.
- Get outta here!
Go on, go on!
I'm gonna teach you a lesson,
you nasty, little devil.
You leave my cows
alone. You hear me?
- is that
you gonna stop clapping
your bony, porcelain hands
before they trigger a migraine.
- Just regular hands.
Uh, so the resort company
has officially put an
offer on the grady land.
It's great news for you
and your department.
You know, more tourism money
means you can hire more people,
you know, more equipment.
- Hmm, and why do I think
there's a "the only thing
is" attached to this?
- I'm just giving
you the good news.
You know, the only th...
There is one factor to consider.
If the resort people hear
that patience is involved
in another murder, they
may go somewhere else.
- I see.
- So I was thinking maybe
you could take a back seat
and let jessup take the
reins on this investigation.
- When have you ever
seen me take a backseat?
I don't even sit in
the backseat of a car.
If I hail a cab, I sit
shotgun, or I drive.
- Look, just...
just think about it, please.
Look, I... I need this.
I need something to go right.
- Ah.
So now we're getting around
to what this is really about.
So you're having
some trouble at home?
- What? No.
Everything's...
Everything's fine.
- You know I'm the
town sheriff, right?
Which means 100% of my
job is being a therapist.
- That percentage seems high.
- It's not. If
anything, it's low.
Look, I went through
some things a while back
that I didn't deal with,
and sometimes you gotta
face life head on.
You know, you can't run
away from your problems.
They come back, and
they'll eat you alive.
You understand?
- Yeah. I know that.
I...
it's just hard to
talk to her sometimes.
- Well, I get it.
When it comes to talking to 'em,
you gotta treat women like
they in the cartel, right?
You wanna have a conversation?
You take 'em to a public place.
That way you don't have to
worry about them murdering you.
- So you think kate
wants to murder me?
- Based on the
fight at the party,
I put the odds at, like,
I don't know, 35%.
- Seems high.
- You got life insurance?
'cause that'll push
it up to, like, 60.
- what is happening to my body?
My mouth is dry.
I cannot breathe.
My heart feels like
it will explode.
This is fear of death.
I am not ready to die.
- yo, stinky, can
I get two more?
- Hey, speed it up on
those beers, skank.
- My god. Brenda
is so annoying.
She, like, follows
me everywhere.
- I really cannot imagine
what that feels like.
- Oh, well, it feels like
she's obsessed
with me, you know?
And she's not like...
You know, like us.
- Whoo-hoo, yeah!
- Yeah, we get it, brenda.
You're playing pool.
- Oh, my god. Where
have you been?
I've been trying to
call you all day.
- Sorry.
Harry gave me the day off,
so I ditched my phone, and
I hiked the mountain loop,
and now I've come in
to spread the joy.
- Yeah!
- what's new with you?
- Besides the date last night.
- Date? With who?
hot baseball guy?
- Um, braindead, yeah.
We talked about it yesterday,
like, literally right here.
- Really? Okay, I'm sorry.
I spaced or something.
How'd it go?
- He might be pretty
great. I don't know.
Ah, ah.
- Oh!
Stop it. It was the best date.
- Yeah, I'll let him
take me out again.
- Yeah, see? So stop it.
Stop being insecure.
You're amazing.
And you're gonna go
out with him again.
Ah, I don't know why.
I just have a really
good feeling about this.
- You're smiling so big,
it's kind of creeping me out.
- ah!
- Oh!
- You okay?
That's just judy and
judy's judy playing pool.
- Uh, yeah. I...
no, I'm fine.
I think I'm just
tired from the hike.
- Couple out-of-towners
rented the boat
three days ago, paid cash.
Someone found it this morning
floating on the other
side of the lake.
- You have any idea
where they was from?
- I don't know.
Fake accents, gold
chains. Maybe new york.
- Manhattan, or long
island? New jersey?
Like, "hey, joey,
let's head down the
shore and rent a boat."
you know, just a couple shoobies
chowin' hoagies, floatin',
listening to the boss.
- What are you doing?
- I'm trying to
pinpoint them, sir.
- Please don't, all right?
It's making a very
uncomfortable.
- New jersey sounds about right.
- New jersey.
- Is there a reason
you didn't call me?
- I'm sorry. We
lab partners now?
Now I'm supposed to fill
you in on all my cases?
- See that van over there?
Matches the description
of the vehicle
the victim entered the
night he was killed.
New jersey plates, partner.
- New jersey.
- Hey, jay. How are you?
- You couldn't do it, could you?
- What?
- Do you think it was
easy for me to ask you
to take me out for my birthday?
- Whoa, birthday? What
are you talking about?
- God, I figured that
might be the one thing
that mattered to you.
I waited outside the diner
for two hours for
you to pick me up.
- Okay, slow down.
I don't understand.
When did you ask
me to take you out?
- Harry's party. Are you
kidding me right now?
- No. Jay, wait.
Jay!
harry.
what did you do?
- I only glued the
yogurt to the shelf
because someone
keeps stealing it.
- You erased my
memory, didn't you?
why?
- You asked me to.
- Jay asked me to take
her out for her birthday.
Me, harry, and you erased
it. Why would you do that?
- I did it for you.
You were sad. You wanted
me to take it away.
- What happened?
Why was I sad?
- Are you gonna write back?
- No.
I mean, in a couple days.
What am I, desperate?
- You're ridiculous.
Text him back.
- god, who's that?
- Stay right here.
- You should have just stayed
in colorado and done your job.
- You shot me.
- Yeah.
Like you shot two of
my guys in new york.
I should have never made
you kill sam hodges.
I should have just
taken care of it myself.
- I killed him.
- You did it to save me.
- But I killed...
A human being.
- This is why I
erased your memory.
- ooh, be careful of
your case files, sir.
That crime scavenger is here.
- Well, I'd be more worried
about your sandwich.
She might swoop
down from her perch
and fly away with your ham.
- good to see you're
not letting murder
keep the laughter away.
- Yeah, well it's not
the deputy's fault.
She finds me hysterical.
Every time I open up
my mouth, she laughs.
- we're on our way
to tracking down
the men from the van.
The deputy's on
hold with the nypd.
- Vincent grillo
and joey moretti.
Both served time. Both
have ties to the mob.
Suspects in several hits.
You name it, they've done it.
- How'd you id them so quick?
- Caught the driver
on a security camera,
pulled a partial
print from the dash,
and then I called up some favors
at my old stomping
ground at the nypd.
- Well, well, new york
cop. You didn't mention.
D.C. Myself, 11 years.
- Huh. Look at us.
A couple big city cops
playing in a tiny town.
- Oops, better keep
an eye on my sandwich.
- You know this
guy I grew up with
is a new york cop. Do
you know luis valez?
- I haven't heard
that name for years.
Luis was my trainer
at the academy.
- stop it.
You heard that,
deputy? She know luis.
- Sorry, just checking
to see if my ham is gone.
- Look, sheriff,
I know you're not happy
about sharing this case.
- Hmm.
- But together we can crack it.
- You know what?
I believe we can.
You know, bring a little
big city perspective
to this small town tomfoolery.
- Caw, caw.
Sorry, just thought
I saw a bird in here.
- I gave you your memory back.
Why are you angry with me?
Killing that man
was a good thing.
We are now both the same.
We are both murderers.
We should start a club.
- You can't just go around
erasing people's memories.
- You wanted me to it when
the sheriff and the deputy
found out what I am.
- The fate of the
world depended on that,
so I think that
one was important.
- I think erasing your
memory was important.
I do not like it
when you are upset.
You get loud and blubbery.
- Yes, I was upset,
but that was my grief
to deal with, not yours.
- The second I got rid
of it, you were happy.
You smiled. I saw your teeth.
I didn't even know
you had teeth.
- Listen to me.
Life is not just about
smiling and happiness.
It's also about pain
and guilt and fear.
They're called feelings for
a reason so you feel them.
- Those are bad feelings.
When I feel bad feelings,
I think about season
five of "law & order."
I'm happy now. I'm
thinking about it now.
I'm happy.
- Really?
You're not freaked out at all
that you almost died that night?
- I did... I did not almost die.
I'm gonna put in the
dvd and watch it now.
- No, I remember.
I saw your eyes.
You are in denial, harry.
You could have died.
- Season five of "law & order,"
they introduce assistant
district attorney jack mccoy.
I like jack mccoy.
Let's watch it together.
- What you're doing is
called burying your feelings.
All humans do it.
You might not want to
deal with your feelings,
but I plan on dealing with mine,
so please, please
stay out of my head.
- I will watch season
five by myself.
- bobby? Bobby, is that you?
- Grandma, bobby went
missing 80 years ago.
- I know my own brother.
- it's the alien baby.
- so this is it?
- Oh, is this where I find
out you're a serial killer?
- I'm more of an oatmeal guy.
- Mm.
- Get it? Cause it's cereal...
- no, no, I got it.
Yeah, I'm just
surprised you said it.
- so when they expanded
the building site,
they found native artifacts.
My agency was brought in
to preserve and
catalog what we find.
- What's with the backhoe?
- Oh, that... That's
this whole dance
we're doing with the contractor
who's pissed we're here,
and he parks it there so
we don't expand the dig.
- Cool, so he's an asshole.
- take a look at
this... Broken pottery,
usually a good bet we're
on or near a village.
Found a fire pit and
some flint for tools.
I pretty much guarantee
we'd find some foundations
for huts because of
"indiana jones"? Ls
- that was more for wordplay.
- Mm.
- Yeah, I wasn't
raised traditionally.
For my tribe, a lot
of the old ways died
with my grandmother's generation
in the boarding schools.
- Oh, sorry.
- There's something about
being down in the dirt,
holding the artifacts,
the physicality of it.
I feel like I'm connected
to something I thought
was gone forever.
- I think it's incredible
that you're doing something
important with your life.
I usually just push booze
and get people wasted.
That's me.
- You can do anything.
- Yeah.
I used to think that way,
but after my
accident, not so much.
- Well, we are who we are
because of our history,
not in spite of it.
It doesn't make it right.
Doesn't mean we're
stuck, either.
now, where are you going?
- Getting you unstuck.
- you sure this is a good idea?
- that was probably
the hottest thing
I've ever seen.
- Well, what can
I say, you know?
You needed something moved,
- I think I can work with that.
- I wanna talk to
you about something.
Um, yeah, I just...
Uh...
Sorry, it's hard. Uh, hmm.
- Are you afraid to
tell me something?
- Well, I think I'm, uh...
I think maybe I'm afraid
to tell you anything.
- Wow.
That's horrible.
Do you understand how
that makes me feel?
- Mm-hmm.
- Wait, is that...
Is that why you
wanted to come here?
So you would have some
public protection?
- no.
Yes, I...
- that's great.
- Look, it's not just
you. You know me.
I'm afraid of everything, and
you're technically a thing
that I love very much.
- I just can't believe
that you're... you're what?
You're afraid of me?
- Oh, no, I'm sorry. I
didn't mean it like that.
- You did.
It's probably the
most honest thing
you've said to me
in a long time.
You know what?
Um, I am not hungry anymore,
so I think I'm just
gonna meet you at home.
- Well, at least there was
no one here to see that.
- I saw it.
- Do you recognize
either one of these men?
- Yeah, that's them.
The guy with the big head
and the guy with the head.
- They were the ones in the van?
- Um, can you not?
I'm talking to mike.
So was there anything else
that you wanted to
ask me about, mikey?
- Uh, were they the
men you saw in the van?
- Yes, they were.
Yes, I can comply
with that information.
- Wow, chinese
food. Good timing.
I was just gonna see if there
was any cheese in the fridge.
- Yeah, lena I brought
it in from jessup.
It's actually pretty amazing.
- How nice of her.
- Best chinese food
west of new york city.
- Oh, wait a minute.
D.C. Is west of new york city.
- Oh, hell no.
Don't even try comparing
d.C. Chinese food
with new york.
- Any chance you cut this
in half with a knife, or
are these teeth marks?
- She just id'd the
two guys in the van,
so I'm gonna go call my
team and fill 'em in.
Ah, thank you.
- Seems like there's not
a lot of food left here.
- Oh, you can have
my cookie, liv.
I just want the fortune part.
- Thanks.
- Ooh, "you will soon
meet your lover."
oh, my god, mike,
look. It's like boom.
- Looks like we're
headed to jessup.
My team just found
medical records
stashed in the trunk of
the victim's vehicle.
They belong to sam hodges.
- I think this may be
the smoking gun we need.
- I got you your
chef's salad to go.
honey, I...
I didn't mean to say
that I was afraid of you.
Please don't be mad.
- Actually, I'm not.
It's not just you.
There are things you
should have told me...
But I also know that
I don't make it easy
for you to talk to me sometimes.
I never used to be this way.
- Me neither.
I mean...
remember when we first met
and we could talk on the
phone forever about nothing?
- I know.
But we've been
together a long time.
Things change.
I love you, and I
know that you love me.
We've got a wonderful
kid and a good life
with a new baby on the way.
Maybe this is just
what we are now.
thanks for this.
- Sure.
- hello?
- Hey, what's up?
- Uh, nothing. I'm
in the kitchen.
- Cool, cool.
What's the... What's
the weather like there?
- What are you doing?
- You know, just
haven't been able
to stop thinking about you
ever since I saw you
in the living room.
- oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Just wondering if you're a
dog person or a cat person.
- I actually really like mice.
- Really?
- well, just like you can tell
a lot about a person based on
who their favorite beatle is.
- Okay, let's
see. John lennon.
- Hm, that's obvious.
You play the guitar,
and you smoke a
lot of 1960s hash.
- What's hash?
- To m... from what I've read,
it's a mixture of armpit
hair and dryer lint.
- Sometimes I have this dream
where I'm falling
out of an airplane,
and on the way down,
all I can think is,
"I'm not gonna get
mileage points for this."
- do you know we've
been on the phone
for, like, three hours?
- It's felt like five minutes.
I must be falling
in love with you.
I hope that doesn't, you
know, scare you away.
- No, it doesn't.
- What time is it where you are?
because harry is breeding
these things to be evil,
but I'm going to thwart his plan
by teaching baby
here to be good.
Baby, I told you not
to eat your toys!
- what did you do?
Did you order all the
comfort food on the menu?
My dad is afraid your
heart is gonna explode.
- I asked them to fry the
pie, but they wouldn't do it!
- You know what you're
doing here, right?
You were shot. You're
scared and confused.
And now you're using food to
make yourself feel better.
- Yes, I am. It works.
Humans should do it.
- They do.
- I'm sorry I erased your memory
and ruined your lunch with jay.
I should have let you
feel your own pain.
- Life is hard...
Which is why we have to
deal with the hard stuff,
like the alien baby I now
remember is on the loose.
- I need more fries!
- No.
No more fries until you
admit you're afraid to die.
- Are you afraid to die?
- Death is complicated.
That's why people don't
really think about it.
Or they eat through
their emotions.
- See, I'm normal. Hmm?
- No, everyone is going to
die someday, and it's scary.
I know that I'm gonna die,
but if I spend every second
worrying about it,
then I can't live.
And part of the living
is feeling it all.
The good lifts you up, and
the bad knocks you down,
but you need the bad. You
need those hard times.
If I can get past
the bad stuff...
Missing jay's birthday...
my mom leaving me behind,
the guy trying to kill you...
It will make me stronger.
Everyone has their own
relationship with death.
That's mine.
You have to figure out yours.
- every... every morning,
elaine would wake early
and have tea ready for
me before I went to work.
I'm glad she's gone.
She'd hate having to see me
in such pain.
- You will not be
in any pain soon,
when you are dead.
- It will be nice to
see my wife again.
- Will she be waiting
for you in hell?
- no, I hope in heaven.
- Oh, I get your
fairy tales mixed up.
I am afraid of death.
- Oh, you... you...
You shouldn't be.
- How are you not afraid?
You will be dead soon.
- Oh, no.
The things got better
when I found out
that I was dying.
it reminded me that
life isn't forever.
I-I began to appreciate
every moment.
- Like when there is only
one slice of pie left...
It tastes better.
- Exactly.
thank you for... For
doing this for me.
- My friend told me I should
not run away from death.
Killing you...
Is not running away.
- Thank you, harry.
- Goodbye, gerard.
- what is it like?
- how can it be 18 years
since I held your little
body close to mine?
I'm so sorry for the
way you found out
I was your mother,
but I'm also grateful
that it happened
no matter how hard it
was because now you know.
And sometimes the
hardest things in life
create light and hope
and take you one step
closer to happiness.
- happy birthday,
my beautiful jay.
- I love you more than anything.
- your mom.
"resident alien"...
- How long do you think I have?
- Do you like christmas?
- Yes, very much.
- Celebrate it before June.
- My birthday's coming up.
I was wondering if you might
want to do something that day.
- I would love that.
- Pick me up at
the diner at 1:00?
the baby hatched.
- What the...?
- it's a stupid
kiss. Who cares?
D'arcy was drunk and
sad. Big surprise.
- Maybe you should
learn to talk to ben
about your feelings
instead of stuffing them
inside a 90-mile
vertical treadmill run.
- Hello, harry.
Our people are not
coming to kill everyone.
There is an alien
race that's planning
to take over the
earth. They are...
- whoa.
- I should have never
made you kill sam hodges.
- You shot me.
- I should have just
taken care of it myself.
- I just wanna forget
the whole thing.
- I can erase all
of her memories
of that night for her, and
she will be happy again.
She will forget, and
everything will be okay.
- I'm tired. I wanna go home.
- Shush now.
Mama said not to come home
until we fetch some dinner.
- Bobby! Wait for me.
bobby!
Bobby, where are you?
Bobby? Bobby?
- Bobby?
- Bobby!
- Bobby?
- Where are you, bobby?
- Bobby!
- Bobby?
- who is in my house?
Max, if that is you
and your criminal wife,
I will be very angry.
- Good morning.
- You are not a little child.
- I made coffee.
Hey, I think we should
check on the alien egg.
I'm a little worried that
the noise from the party
might have woken
it up or something.
- The memory replacement
I did on her worked well.
She does not remember that
the alien baby escaped.
She also forgot
how to make coffee.
This tastes like dirt stew.
Do not worry about the baby.
It is in the bunker in its shell
and definitely not somewhere
else who-knows-where.
- That's a relief.
I will take good news wherever
I can get it these days.
- A smile?
I like smiley asta much more
than the sad, sobby asta
I saw last night.
I have some more good
news for you to smile to.
- Okay.
- I was in the bunker and
definitely nowhere else,
checking on the baby,
and it gave me a
message telepathically.
My people are no longer
coming to destroy mankind.
- What? How does
it even know that?
- Goliath passed the message
to me through the alien.
I do not even know
how he did it.
It was so weird.
You no longer have to ever
make me feel uncomfortable
with your sadness again.
- They're really not coming?
- Mm.
- You're serious?
- No, I'm not
serious. I'm smiling.
- harry.
Oh, harry,
this is the best news I've
ever heard in my life.
oh, wow. I'm so happy.
Wait, wait. Did it
say anything else?
- Yes, there is another
evil alien race on earth
that will probably kill us all.
No, it did not,
just the good stuff.
Happy asta.
- Finally, after
everything, it's over?
we're safe.
- No, the earth is
doomed, but at least
I do not have to clean
crying snot off your face.
I have completed a full
autopsy on the victim,
tanner corrington.
My initial theory
after you found
the shell casing in the woods
was that the crime was
committed with a rifle
where the murderer
was standing over
the county line
in patience.
- Mm, wild
speculation. Continue.
- The chest wound shows no
sign of soiling or tattooing
proving that the gun was
fired mid to far range.
My official findings
are consistent with
my initial theory.
I was right, and
now I'm more right.
- Yeah, well, patience
shooter means patience murder.
- Mm, objection.
- Overruled.
- Sustained.
- It's not a trial.
It's an autopsy.
- Yes, but how
can we really know
what happens based
on a dead body?
- The autopsy.
- That hole could
be from anything.
Hey, you want close range?
I'll give you close range.
A jessup murderer
lights a firecracker,
pressed it in the guy's chest.
Bam, dead guy, killer
with three fingers.
We are looking
for a three-fingered
jessup resident,
maybe someone who works
at the gas station.
I think piano teachers are out.
So look into that. Let
me know what you find.
- This man is more
annoying than his son.
- This all seems very
thorough, doctor.
Thank you.
Looks like we're
partners on this one.
- I want this dead thing gone.
Every time I look at it,
I'm reminded that if the bullet
that hit me was a
few inches lower...
- why do you scream
like my mother?
- It was not a scream.
It was a sneeze.
Ha-ha-choo!
I have a very thin larynx.
- Here's your schedule.
Also, gerard hundemer needs
you to do a house call
to bring him pain medication.
- He's dying. I
do not want to go.
It is depressing. Cancel.
- You're joking, right?
- Of course I'm
joking. Ha-ha-ha.
Reschedule it till
after he is dead.
- Also, you need to sign
this to release the body.
- I will be happy when this
annoying lump of skin is gone.
- The funeral home
is shipping it back
to new york this afternoon.
- I was talking about you.
- I suggest you don't
leave food in the fridge.
- No, you will leave
my yogurt alone.
Oh, ew.
- Hello.
choo.
- Bless you?
- What are you doing in here?
This is not your home.
- Well, I was in the kitchen,
but they're out of those
yogurts I like, so...
- Those are my yogurts.
- Is asta around?
I haven't heard from her.
- I forgot about asta's
friendship with raggedy ann.
I cannot have her remind
asta she is a killer.
Asta has the day off.
If you see her,
do not mention...
The "incident."
- what incident?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
- The murder.
- I know what you're
talking about.
- You said you did not know
what I was talking about.
- Because I don't
wanna talk about it.
- I do not want
to talk about it.
I do not even care.
- You're in denial.
- I am not in denial.
- So you're in denial
about being in denial?
- Yes. No. I deny denying it.
- Yeah, I just...
What made somebody
wanna kill you,
harry vanderspeigle?
You say it's 'cause
you figured out
who killed sam hodges.
Are you sure it's
not something else?
- Your breath smells
like corn and kerosene.
- I would do anything for asta,
so if you've dragged her
into something that's
gonna hurt her,
I might just have
to kill you myself.
You know what I'm talking about?
- help. Help!
I need help. Something bit me.
- Ellen, I need a large bandage
and those three
yogurts you stole.
- You have no proof.
- What did this?
- They'll say I'm crazy,
but I think it was a chupacabra.
A tiny monster. It
attacked my cows.
- It ate them?
- No. It milked them.
12 of my poor girls
have damaged teats.
What am I gonna do?
I have 35 dairy cows
filled with milk.
- Yum.
- What?
- What?
With that many milk
sacks to drain,
the alien baby will
go back for more.
- Here it is.
- Ellen, please bandage
the milk farmer.
I have an emergency.
- hey.
- Hi.
- Great party the other
night. Wait, were you there?
- I'm sorry I said what I said.
- Don't be. It's all true.
What I did... Sucked.
I was truly an asshole.
- Look, ben and I have things
to work out, obviously,
and, you know, if
he can't talk to me,
then he and I will
deal with that,
but I just wish he
would've told me.
- I should have.
I... you have every
right to be pissed.
- I've lived here a long time,
and I still... I still
don't really know anybody.
So when you and I started
hanging out, it was nice...
Not feeling so alone.
- It's nice having someone else
here with athletic trophies
gathering dust on a shelf.
- Mine are in a box, but...
need someone to spot you?
- Need someone make fun
of you when you run?
- Weirdly, that's
exactly what I need.
- I love cows.
Humans could live on
a plant-only diet,
but they are too selfish.
They choose to feed off
these wonderful animals
instead of just letting
them live their lives.
I must wait here
as long as it takes
for the baby to return and feed.
Otherwise, it may
take human form,
and I may never find it.
- Get outta here!
Go on, go on!
I'm gonna teach you a lesson,
you nasty, little devil.
You leave my cows
alone. You hear me?
- is that
you gonna stop clapping
your bony, porcelain hands
before they trigger a migraine.
- Just regular hands.
Uh, so the resort company
has officially put an
offer on the grady land.
It's great news for you
and your department.
You know, more tourism money
means you can hire more people,
you know, more equipment.
- Hmm, and why do I think
there's a "the only thing
is" attached to this?
- I'm just giving
you the good news.
You know, the only th...
There is one factor to consider.
If the resort people hear
that patience is involved
in another murder, they
may go somewhere else.
- I see.
- So I was thinking maybe
you could take a back seat
and let jessup take the
reins on this investigation.
- When have you ever
seen me take a backseat?
I don't even sit in
the backseat of a car.
If I hail a cab, I sit
shotgun, or I drive.
- Look, just...
just think about it, please.
Look, I... I need this.
I need something to go right.
- Ah.
So now we're getting around
to what this is really about.
So you're having
some trouble at home?
- What? No.
Everything's...
Everything's fine.
- You know I'm the
town sheriff, right?
Which means 100% of my
job is being a therapist.
- That percentage seems high.
- It's not. If
anything, it's low.
Look, I went through
some things a while back
that I didn't deal with,
and sometimes you gotta
face life head on.
You know, you can't run
away from your problems.
They come back, and
they'll eat you alive.
You understand?
- Yeah. I know that.
I...
it's just hard to
talk to her sometimes.
- Well, I get it.
When it comes to talking to 'em,
you gotta treat women like
they in the cartel, right?
You wanna have a conversation?
You take 'em to a public place.
That way you don't have to
worry about them murdering you.
- So you think kate
wants to murder me?
- Based on the
fight at the party,
I put the odds at, like,
I don't know, 35%.
- Seems high.
- You got life insurance?
'cause that'll push
it up to, like, 60.
- what is happening to my body?
My mouth is dry.
I cannot breathe.
My heart feels like
it will explode.
This is fear of death.
I am not ready to die.
- yo, stinky, can
I get two more?
- Hey, speed it up on
those beers, skank.
- My god. Brenda
is so annoying.
She, like, follows
me everywhere.
- I really cannot imagine
what that feels like.
- Oh, well, it feels like
she's obsessed
with me, you know?
And she's not like...
You know, like us.
- Whoo-hoo, yeah!
- Yeah, we get it, brenda.
You're playing pool.
- Oh, my god. Where
have you been?
I've been trying to
call you all day.
- Sorry.
Harry gave me the day off,
so I ditched my phone, and
I hiked the mountain loop,
and now I've come in
to spread the joy.
- Yeah!
- what's new with you?
- Besides the date last night.
- Date? With who?
hot baseball guy?
- Um, braindead, yeah.
We talked about it yesterday,
like, literally right here.
- Really? Okay, I'm sorry.
I spaced or something.
How'd it go?
- He might be pretty
great. I don't know.
Ah, ah.
- Oh!
Stop it. It was the best date.
- Yeah, I'll let him
take me out again.
- Yeah, see? So stop it.
Stop being insecure.
You're amazing.
And you're gonna go
out with him again.
Ah, I don't know why.
I just have a really
good feeling about this.
- You're smiling so big,
it's kind of creeping me out.
- ah!
- Oh!
- You okay?
That's just judy and
judy's judy playing pool.
- Uh, yeah. I...
no, I'm fine.
I think I'm just
tired from the hike.
- Couple out-of-towners
rented the boat
three days ago, paid cash.
Someone found it this morning
floating on the other
side of the lake.
- You have any idea
where they was from?
- I don't know.
Fake accents, gold
chains. Maybe new york.
- Manhattan, or long
island? New jersey?
Like, "hey, joey,
let's head down the
shore and rent a boat."
you know, just a couple shoobies
chowin' hoagies, floatin',
listening to the boss.
- What are you doing?
- I'm trying to
pinpoint them, sir.
- Please don't, all right?
It's making a very
uncomfortable.
- New jersey sounds about right.
- New jersey.
- Is there a reason
you didn't call me?
- I'm sorry. We
lab partners now?
Now I'm supposed to fill
you in on all my cases?
- See that van over there?
Matches the description
of the vehicle
the victim entered the
night he was killed.
New jersey plates, partner.
- New jersey.
- Hey, jay. How are you?
- You couldn't do it, could you?
- What?
- Do you think it was
easy for me to ask you
to take me out for my birthday?
- Whoa, birthday? What
are you talking about?
- God, I figured that
might be the one thing
that mattered to you.
I waited outside the diner
for two hours for
you to pick me up.
- Okay, slow down.
I don't understand.
When did you ask
me to take you out?
- Harry's party. Are you
kidding me right now?
- No. Jay, wait.
Jay!
harry.
what did you do?
- I only glued the
yogurt to the shelf
because someone
keeps stealing it.
- You erased my
memory, didn't you?
why?
- You asked me to.
- Jay asked me to take
her out for her birthday.
Me, harry, and you erased
it. Why would you do that?
- I did it for you.
You were sad. You wanted
me to take it away.
- What happened?
Why was I sad?
- Are you gonna write back?
- No.
I mean, in a couple days.
What am I, desperate?
- You're ridiculous.
Text him back.
- god, who's that?
- Stay right here.
- You should have just stayed
in colorado and done your job.
- You shot me.
- Yeah.
Like you shot two of
my guys in new york.
I should have never made
you kill sam hodges.
I should have just
taken care of it myself.
- I killed him.
- You did it to save me.
- But I killed...
A human being.
- This is why I
erased your memory.
- ooh, be careful of
your case files, sir.
That crime scavenger is here.
- Well, I'd be more worried
about your sandwich.
She might swoop
down from her perch
and fly away with your ham.
- good to see you're
not letting murder
keep the laughter away.
- Yeah, well it's not
the deputy's fault.
She finds me hysterical.
Every time I open up
my mouth, she laughs.
- we're on our way
to tracking down
the men from the van.
The deputy's on
hold with the nypd.
- Vincent grillo
and joey moretti.
Both served time. Both
have ties to the mob.
Suspects in several hits.
You name it, they've done it.
- How'd you id them so quick?
- Caught the driver
on a security camera,
pulled a partial
print from the dash,
and then I called up some favors
at my old stomping
ground at the nypd.
- Well, well, new york
cop. You didn't mention.
D.C. Myself, 11 years.
- Huh. Look at us.
A couple big city cops
playing in a tiny town.
- Oops, better keep
an eye on my sandwich.
- You know this
guy I grew up with
is a new york cop. Do
you know luis valez?
- I haven't heard
that name for years.
Luis was my trainer
at the academy.
- stop it.
You heard that,
deputy? She know luis.
- Sorry, just checking
to see if my ham is gone.
- Look, sheriff,
I know you're not happy
about sharing this case.
- Hmm.
- But together we can crack it.
- You know what?
I believe we can.
You know, bring a little
big city perspective
to this small town tomfoolery.
- Caw, caw.
Sorry, just thought
I saw a bird in here.
- I gave you your memory back.
Why are you angry with me?
Killing that man
was a good thing.
We are now both the same.
We are both murderers.
We should start a club.
- You can't just go around
erasing people's memories.
- You wanted me to it when
the sheriff and the deputy
found out what I am.
- The fate of the
world depended on that,
so I think that
one was important.
- I think erasing your
memory was important.
I do not like it
when you are upset.
You get loud and blubbery.
- Yes, I was upset,
but that was my grief
to deal with, not yours.
- The second I got rid
of it, you were happy.
You smiled. I saw your teeth.
I didn't even know
you had teeth.
- Listen to me.
Life is not just about
smiling and happiness.
It's also about pain
and guilt and fear.
They're called feelings for
a reason so you feel them.
- Those are bad feelings.
When I feel bad feelings,
I think about season
five of "law & order."
I'm happy now. I'm
thinking about it now.
I'm happy.
- Really?
You're not freaked out at all
that you almost died that night?
- I did... I did not almost die.
I'm gonna put in the
dvd and watch it now.
- No, I remember.
I saw your eyes.
You are in denial, harry.
You could have died.
- Season five of "law & order,"
they introduce assistant
district attorney jack mccoy.
I like jack mccoy.
Let's watch it together.
- What you're doing is
called burying your feelings.
All humans do it.
You might not want to
deal with your feelings,
but I plan on dealing with mine,
so please, please
stay out of my head.
- I will watch season
five by myself.
- bobby? Bobby, is that you?
- Grandma, bobby went
missing 80 years ago.
- I know my own brother.
- it's the alien baby.
- so this is it?
- Oh, is this where I find
out you're a serial killer?
- I'm more of an oatmeal guy.
- Mm.
- Get it? Cause it's cereal...
- no, no, I got it.
Yeah, I'm just
surprised you said it.
- so when they expanded
the building site,
they found native artifacts.
My agency was brought in
to preserve and
catalog what we find.
- What's with the backhoe?
- Oh, that... That's
this whole dance
we're doing with the contractor
who's pissed we're here,
and he parks it there so
we don't expand the dig.
- Cool, so he's an asshole.
- take a look at
this... Broken pottery,
usually a good bet we're
on or near a village.
Found a fire pit and
some flint for tools.
I pretty much guarantee
we'd find some foundations
for huts because of
"indiana jones"? Ls
- that was more for wordplay.
- Mm.
- Yeah, I wasn't
raised traditionally.
For my tribe, a lot
of the old ways died
with my grandmother's generation
in the boarding schools.
- Oh, sorry.
- There's something about
being down in the dirt,
holding the artifacts,
the physicality of it.
I feel like I'm connected
to something I thought
was gone forever.
- I think it's incredible
that you're doing something
important with your life.
I usually just push booze
and get people wasted.
That's me.
- You can do anything.
- Yeah.
I used to think that way,
but after my
accident, not so much.
- Well, we are who we are
because of our history,
not in spite of it.
It doesn't make it right.
Doesn't mean we're
stuck, either.
now, where are you going?
- Getting you unstuck.
- you sure this is a good idea?
- that was probably
the hottest thing
I've ever seen.
- Well, what can
I say, you know?
You needed something moved,
- I think I can work with that.
- I wanna talk to
you about something.
Um, yeah, I just...
Uh...
Sorry, it's hard. Uh, hmm.
- Are you afraid to
tell me something?
- Well, I think I'm, uh...
I think maybe I'm afraid
to tell you anything.
- Wow.
That's horrible.
Do you understand how
that makes me feel?
- Mm-hmm.
- Wait, is that...
Is that why you
wanted to come here?
So you would have some
public protection?
- no.
Yes, I...
- that's great.
- Look, it's not just
you. You know me.
I'm afraid of everything, and
you're technically a thing
that I love very much.
- I just can't believe
that you're... you're what?
You're afraid of me?
- Oh, no, I'm sorry. I
didn't mean it like that.
- You did.
It's probably the
most honest thing
you've said to me
in a long time.
You know what?
Um, I am not hungry anymore,
so I think I'm just
gonna meet you at home.
- Well, at least there was
no one here to see that.
- I saw it.
- Do you recognize
either one of these men?
- Yeah, that's them.
The guy with the big head
and the guy with the head.
- They were the ones in the van?
- Um, can you not?
I'm talking to mike.
So was there anything else
that you wanted to
ask me about, mikey?
- Uh, were they the
men you saw in the van?
- Yes, they were.
Yes, I can comply
with that information.
- Wow, chinese
food. Good timing.
I was just gonna see if there
was any cheese in the fridge.
- Yeah, lena I brought
it in from jessup.
It's actually pretty amazing.
- How nice of her.
- Best chinese food
west of new york city.
- Oh, wait a minute.
D.C. Is west of new york city.
- Oh, hell no.
Don't even try comparing
d.C. Chinese food
with new york.
- Any chance you cut this
in half with a knife, or
are these teeth marks?
- She just id'd the
two guys in the van,
so I'm gonna go call my
team and fill 'em in.
Ah, thank you.
- Seems like there's not
a lot of food left here.
- Oh, you can have
my cookie, liv.
I just want the fortune part.
- Thanks.
- Ooh, "you will soon
meet your lover."
oh, my god, mike,
look. It's like boom.
- Looks like we're
headed to jessup.
My team just found
medical records
stashed in the trunk of
the victim's vehicle.
They belong to sam hodges.
- I think this may be
the smoking gun we need.
- I got you your
chef's salad to go.
honey, I...
I didn't mean to say
that I was afraid of you.
Please don't be mad.
- Actually, I'm not.
It's not just you.
There are things you
should have told me...
But I also know that
I don't make it easy
for you to talk to me sometimes.
I never used to be this way.
- Me neither.
I mean...
remember when we first met
and we could talk on the
phone forever about nothing?
- I know.
But we've been
together a long time.
Things change.
I love you, and I
know that you love me.
We've got a wonderful
kid and a good life
with a new baby on the way.
Maybe this is just
what we are now.
thanks for this.
- Sure.
- hello?
- Hey, what's up?
- Uh, nothing. I'm
in the kitchen.
- Cool, cool.
What's the... What's
the weather like there?
- What are you doing?
- You know, just
haven't been able
to stop thinking about you
ever since I saw you
in the living room.
- oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Just wondering if you're a
dog person or a cat person.
- I actually really like mice.
- Really?
- well, just like you can tell
a lot about a person based on
who their favorite beatle is.
- Okay, let's
see. John lennon.
- Hm, that's obvious.
You play the guitar,
and you smoke a
lot of 1960s hash.
- What's hash?
- To m... from what I've read,
it's a mixture of armpit
hair and dryer lint.
- Sometimes I have this dream
where I'm falling
out of an airplane,
and on the way down,
all I can think is,
"I'm not gonna get
mileage points for this."
- do you know we've
been on the phone
for, like, three hours?
- It's felt like five minutes.
I must be falling
in love with you.
I hope that doesn't, you
know, scare you away.
- No, it doesn't.
- What time is it where you are?
because harry is breeding
these things to be evil,
but I'm going to thwart his plan
by teaching baby
here to be good.
Baby, I told you not
to eat your toys!
- what did you do?
Did you order all the
comfort food on the menu?
My dad is afraid your
heart is gonna explode.
- I asked them to fry the
pie, but they wouldn't do it!
- You know what you're
doing here, right?
You were shot. You're
scared and confused.
And now you're using food to
make yourself feel better.
- Yes, I am. It works.
Humans should do it.
- They do.
- I'm sorry I erased your memory
and ruined your lunch with jay.
I should have let you
feel your own pain.
- Life is hard...
Which is why we have to
deal with the hard stuff,
like the alien baby I now
remember is on the loose.
- I need more fries!
- No.
No more fries until you
admit you're afraid to die.
- Are you afraid to die?
- Death is complicated.
That's why people don't
really think about it.
Or they eat through
their emotions.
- See, I'm normal. Hmm?
- No, everyone is going to
die someday, and it's scary.
I know that I'm gonna die,
but if I spend every second
worrying about it,
then I can't live.
And part of the living
is feeling it all.
The good lifts you up, and
the bad knocks you down,
but you need the bad. You
need those hard times.
If I can get past
the bad stuff...
Missing jay's birthday...
my mom leaving me behind,
the guy trying to kill you...
It will make me stronger.
Everyone has their own
relationship with death.
That's mine.
You have to figure out yours.
- every... every morning,
elaine would wake early
and have tea ready for
me before I went to work.
I'm glad she's gone.
She'd hate having to see me
in such pain.
- You will not be
in any pain soon,
when you are dead.
- It will be nice to
see my wife again.
- Will she be waiting
for you in hell?
- no, I hope in heaven.
- Oh, I get your
fairy tales mixed up.
I am afraid of death.
- Oh, you... you...
You shouldn't be.
- How are you not afraid?
You will be dead soon.
- Oh, no.
The things got better
when I found out
that I was dying.
it reminded me that
life isn't forever.
I-I began to appreciate
every moment.
- Like when there is only
one slice of pie left...
It tastes better.
- Exactly.
thank you for... For
doing this for me.
- My friend told me I should
not run away from death.
Killing you...
Is not running away.
- Thank you, harry.
- Goodbye, gerard.
- what is it like?
- how can it be 18 years
since I held your little
body close to mine?
I'm so sorry for the
way you found out
I was your mother,
but I'm also grateful
that it happened
no matter how hard it
was because now you know.
And sometimes the
hardest things in life
create light and hope
and take you one step
closer to happiness.
- happy birthday,
my beautiful jay.
- I love you more than anything.
- your mom.