Rescue Me (2004–2011): Season 3, Episode 4 - Sparks - full transcript

Previously on rescue me...

your sister Jeanie, she's

Sick. I can't cover the nut

But...

stand up and get yourself a

Job before they toss her out in

The street.

Hey, listen, is there any

Chance you could float me that

Money we talked about?

I'm sorry, jer. I'm tapped



Out.

I was depending upon that

Money for Jeanie...

Christ, Jerry, what do I look

Like, a goddamn atm machine to

You?!

I saw your sign outside and

I'm looking to pick up a couple

Of extra bucks. I am a little

Bit rusty, but I used to pour it

Down at mchale's.

You don't want to talk to me,

You can talk to my new lawyer.

After this shit and the shit you



Pulled the other night, I will

Get it all... the girls, the

Money, the furniture,

Everything.

You know, you've been acting

Very unlou-Like lately, Lou.

What are you talking about?

You want to help me?

We're brothers.

Save this intervention for

Somebody who gives a shit.

Has he talked to you about

Maggie yet?

No, God, no. I was waiting

For the right time, you know,

Seems a little raw after the

Whole Johnny thing.

He seems fine to me.

Yeah, but he was doing this

Whole bristling thing.

He was bristling?

Yeah.

He knows.

I think he might know.

If he knew, you'd be in a

Body cast by now.

So, is this a gift from your

Old lady? Sorry. Girlfriend.

She's not old, Lou. She's

Older.

Older lady with a shitload of

Money.

What's with the long face?

What?

What, Mrs. Turbody?

I'm in love with her, uncle

Tommy.

You don't know what love is.

Why don't we discuss this off

School grounds?

Over drinks.

If I end that thing, I'm going

To need another thing to take

That thing's place.

Call me Mrs. Turbody!

Mrs. Turbody!

Yes! Oh, yes!

Hey, did you see the kitty?

Where?

No, the smoking kitty. I

Checked it out this morning.

Almost 1,200 bucks.

Call it the can, OK? If you

Can't call it the can, don't

Call it anything.

Talk to your brother yet,

Tom?

No. Piece of shit. If he

Knows what's good for him, he'll

Stay outta my way from now until

The time I leave this planet.

Yeah, that was a real beating

You put into him the other

Night.

Yeah. Well, that's how we do

It in the Gavin family. Settle

Things with our fists. My uncles

Did it, my aunts. Even my

Sisters. One time when I was

Like 9, my cousin liam threw my

Batmobile in the toilet...

holy shit!

Stop the truck, nils!

What?

Stop the truck!

Stop the goddamn truck! You

Guys see that?

Is it a broad?

It's a bus. It's a school bus

In the middle of the road.

Franco, we're in the

Middle of a goddamn run. We stop

Here, we gotta clear it with

Jerry first.

So clear it!

What happened?

There's a bus full of kids.

You guys are fast!

I'm still on hold with 911. I

Think the kids might be hurt or

Something.

Out of the way, guys. Out of

The way, out of the way.

We're stuck!

It'll be OK, kids.

The seats are jamming up the

Front. We can't get in.

All right. We're going up

Top. Probie, come on.

Nils, I need you to get the

Partners over here right away.

Where are you?

I'm gonna grab the portable

Ladder, frank.

Stay calm, guys.

Contacted the dispatch that

We've arrived at the scene at

117 St. Nicholas.

Move out of the way of the

Window! Cover your heads with

Your jackets!

Go ahead!

You got it?

Yeah. Yeah.

All right, mikey. Here we go.

Hey, what about that other

Job? Was it a fire?

No, it wasn't a fire. It was

A cardiac. 72 truckers

Responded to it.

All right, kids first. OK.

Here you go, pal.

Come here, bud. Ready? I got

You. Go ahead. You got him?

My arm hurts.

You play sports?

No.

Then your arm's not

Really an issue, now is it?

There you go. Keep your feet

On the...

you have to help beth!

You got her? Beth?

Where's beth?

In front.

OK. There you go. Probie?

When you get done with her, come

Inside and help the driver out,

All right?

OK. Got it.

Beth! Beth!

Oh, shit.

Probie?

Yeah?

We're gonna need the saw.

OK!

Shit!

All right, hang on, sweetheart.

Tommy, hold up a sec.

Hold up a sec, all right?

What's going on out there,

Lou?

Listen, we got gas leaking

Out here. It's pooling up in the

Street. Do not use the partner

Saw, do you hear me? Do not use

The partner saw.

I don't want to wait, man.

Her leg's stuck under this pipe

In here and she's in a lot of

Pain.

We got Franco flying in with

The saw. Do not use it. Copy

That!

One spark in the wrong

Direction... just hold off on the

Goddamn saw. Copy?

All right. You know what? Go.

What are you gonna do?

Go.

Don't worry about it. Hurry up.

All right.

All right, sweetheart. Close

Your eyes for me, OK?

Where the hell is Franco?

Shit!

Hey, where were you? You

Missed the explosion.

[Captioning made possible by

Sony pictures television]

* on another day,

Come on, come on,

With these ropes I tied,

Can we do no wrong?

Now we grieve

'Cause now is gone,

Things were good

When we were young,

With my teeth locked down

I can see the blood

Of a thousand men

Who have come and gone,

Now we grieve

'Cause now is gone,

Things were good

When we were young,

Is it safe to say?

Come on, come on,

Was it right to leave?

Come on, come on,

Will I ever learn?

Come on, come on,

Come on, come on,

Come on, come on *

These men had a duty to

Perform. They were supposed to

Be responding to a distress call

From a member of the community

They serve. Instead, they

Decided...

unbelievable, man.

To ignore that call to help

Some wealthy white children

Outside of the community. Now,

I'm not against helping

Children, but once again, the

City has ignored its citizens of

Color. I, for one, am calling

For a full and thorough

Investigation.

He's kidding, right?

Every once in a while you see

Something going down and you

Have to make a snap judgment

Call. In this case, it was a man

In distress. Chest pains versus

A bus load of kids. And I made

The call. I didn't stop to think

What color the kids were. Black,

White, green. They're kids. We

Just did our job.

There has been no mention of

An investigation from FDNY

Headquarters, but we'll be

Keeping an eye on this story in

The days to come. Back to you,

Kim.

You believe this bullshit?

This sucks, man. I thought

We'd be heroes after that save.

I'm the one that should be

Complaining. Did you see the

Name up there? Jerry o'Reilly?

Who the hell is that?

I am done. Look at that. I'm

Moving to the woods and eating

Nuts and squirrels and then I'm

Gonna set the woods on fire and

Not tell anybody until it's too

Late. Look! "FDNY leaves man for

Dead."

Christ!

Could be worse.

How?

Could say: "Jerry o'Reilly

Leaves man for dead."

What?

You know what, just for the

Record, not all those kids were

White. OK? There was one black

Kid.

No, I think he had a tan.

Nah, that wasn't a tan. He

Was Egyptian or something.

Egyptian?

Yeah, from some other country

Over there. His old man was an

Ambassador.

Well, why doesn't his father

Step forward and say something?

Give us some support.

Well, he would've, but he was

Keeping a low profile. Seems he

Got mixed up in that diplomatic

License plate bullshit or

Something. The embassy called,

Though. They're sending over a

Fruit basket.

Hey, boys. See the fruit?

Yeah, we were just talking

About the fruit.

Yeah?

Hey, speaking of keeping a

Low profile, I want you guys to

Do the same. Don't talk to

Anybody about this. Don't mix it

Up with the neighbors if there's

Any kind of a protest, huh?

Little bit of luck, this thing

Might just blow over. All right?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have

To go upstairs and get

Perrolli's boot up my ass for

Another half hour. Save me some

Papaya.

Hey, Tommy, can I

Talk to you in the other room

For a second?

No.

Why? It's important.

No. No.

Please?

No!

It's personal.

Oh, OK. Well, then, of

Course.

Hey, Lou, you mind giving us

A minute?

Blow me.

No, I'm serious, l...

so am I.

Why don't we go to the locker

Room? It's private.

Garrity, I've already moved

Once. I'm not moving again. Say

What you have to say. Get it

Over with. Let's go.

All right. Jesus. I just...

ahem. A little while ago I did

This thing I probably should've

Asked you about and I didn't and

I need you to promise me you're

Not going to hit me.

Why would I hit you?

Well, just listen.

I, uh, you know this girl that

I've been, as you may know, been

Dating, this woman, this lady,

This person happens, um, to be...

my sister Maggie.

What? How the hell did you

Know that?

My dad's birthday party.

Yeah, but I didn't say

Anything...

you gave yourself away.

What are you talking about?

You took her cherry.

I took her cherry?

Wait, wait, no offense,

Guys, but this is Maggie we're

Talking about, seems to me that

Particular event might have

Happened around fifth grade or...

ha ha. Very funny.

Fourth grade.

You took her cherry three

Times out of her drink, OK? You

Took her cherry out. That's a

Very personal gesture. Only

Someone who knows somebody very

Well would do that. OK? You gave

Yourself away.

OK. Well, whatever.

The point is... what I'm trying to

Say... is that I...

I'm in love with her, OK?

You're in love with my sister

Maggie?

Yes.

OK.

Ow! Jesus, I thought you said

You weren't going to hit me.

You just said you love her.

I do love her.

Son of a bitch!

Four million women in new

York city and you got to pick my

Crazy sister. She's nuts. She's

Certifiable.

You know what, Tom? You're

Just jealous. That's what you

Are.

I'm jealous. I am trying to

Help you here. Hypothetical. You

And I go to the zoo. You climb

Into the bear exhibit with a

Stick and you start poking the

Bear with the stick. You'd

Expect me to either pull you out

Or call somebody for help,

Right?

Right.

OK. It's the same situation,

Except my sister's the bear and

The stick is your cock. Got it?

Uh... look, I don't care

What you say, OK? I love her.

Are you crying over my

Sister Maggie?

No, I'm not. You

Just... you hurt my nose.

Charles bronson. Death wish.

Ahem. Speaking of which,

You have, uh, something you want

To say to me?

About what?

OK. Well, for one example,

The other day when you were

Talking to the probie and I came

Up and tried to join the

Conversation and you jumped down

My goddamn throat.

You're waiting for an

Apology?

Yeah.

Keep waiting, pal.

All right.

Hey, what's up, kid?

Hey.

I used to come out here everyday

Around this time and have a

Smoke. Now I just come out and

Breathe. It sucks.

Any sign of trouble in the

Neighborhood?

Nah. Nothing. I guess nobody

Reads the paper or watches the

News around here, you know? Hey,

Chief, you think it's weird that

I'm seeing this older woman?

Yeah. Maybe. I don't know.

She sure is a good-Looking

Dame, Franco.

Yeah, but, you know, the age

Thing. Not to mention she's rich

And I'm pretty much piss poor.

You're the one that's gotta

Spend the time with her. It

Shouldn't much matter what I

Think. Or maybe that's the

Issue.

It's all right, kid.

Oh!

I'm so wasted! Aah! Whoo!

Ha ha ha!

Yeah, honey, I remember my

First beer.

Larry, I'm going to take a

Fiver. My back is killing me.

Hey, grab a mop first. You're

Little friend the captain of the

Cheerleading squad just lost her

Shit in the urinal.

What the hell was she doing

In the men's room?

She doesn't know what state

She's in, let alone what

Bathroom. Get on that, huh? Guys

Go in and see puke in the

Urinal, it's gonna set off a

Chain reaction. Then you're

Gonna have a real mess on your

Hands.

Right.

Hey, Jerry! I need ice. How

Many times I have to ask?

You're next, sweetheart.

Right after the puke.

Hey, what the hell? What's

Going on?

Your father had like an old

Man nostalgia panic attack and

Went through all of the albums

And then he fell down.

Is he all right?

Yeah. He went to the bathroom

When I wasn't looking and then

He fell down and hit his head on

The toilet and I wouldn't let

Him go to sleep because, you

Know, when you have a concussion

And you go to sleep, it's like...

right, right, right. So,

Where is he now?

Sleeping. Well, he was

Begging me. And I'm like, all

Right. You want to go to sleep,

You might not wake up. And he

Goes, I don't care. And I said,

Fine, you know what? My hands

Are clean. Are you hungry?

No. I had a slice on the way

Home. So he's OK?

Yes, he's fine!

All right!

Listen, if you want to worry

About somebody, why don't you

Worry about me? I got to sit

Here and listen to him all day.

"I need a grandson, I need a

Male heir. I'm not gonna rest

Until I have another Gavin in

The FDNY." It is making me

Crazy.

I know. I'm sick of that

Speech myself.

Anyway...

I think that, um, I have a

Solution to the problem.

And which problem is this?

The male heir situation.

OK. What would that be?

I thought about it from every

Angle.

Mm-Hmm.

And, um...

it actually makes a lot of

Sense to me.

Ahh.

What makes a lot of sense?

You and me, we have a baby.

That's funny.

Don't laugh. I'm being really

Serious here because it would be

Totally different, OK? There

Would be no obligations, there

Would be no entanglements. I

Would raise this child. You

Could see him whenever you

Wanted to. I wouldn't ask dollar

One for support from you because

I got all that widow money

Sitting in the account

Untouched. I wouldn't need

Anything from you. I would raise

This child. He would graduate

From high school... bing, bang,

Boom. Right into probie school.

Yeah. It be great, but

What if it's a girl?

You didn't think of that, did

You?

Ah, there's these things they

Can do! Um, where they take your

Eggs and they, um, scramble them

And then the boy comes out.

Yeah. OK. I'm not interested

In scrambled eggs, all right?

Hey! Listen to me. Not for

Nothing, but the clock is

A-Ticking for both of us. My

Eggs aren't going to be around

Forever. And whether you want to

Admit it or not, the day's going

To come when you're not going to

Be able to deliver the wigglers.

The wigglers.

You heard me.

Yeah, OK. Well...

all right. Well, so, what are

You gonna do?

I have an appointment at the

Sperm bank tomorrow. They're

Going to take some of my

Wigglers and freeze them, so

Whenever I want to use the

Wigglers, I'll have plenty of

Them to throw around. All right?

Oh, you're so disgusting.

It's practical.

When you want to talk about

Something other than throwing

Your sperm around, why don't you

Call me?

Oh! And by the way, you might

Want to think about being nicer

To black people.

Dude, look.

Power play.

Shit.

Those guys suck, man.

Yeah, tell me about it.

I'm taking off, jer.

Hey, Larry.

Birdie.

Birdie. Not that I mind

Lugging boxes up from the

Basement all night and cleaning

Up the girl puke, but I thought

I was supposed to tend bar.

Yeah, that was the plan, but

We got to wait for some shifts

To open up first. Look, Cindy's

Talking about moving to a joint

Downtown. Right? You pick up her

Shifts, you'll be pulling in

More cash than you can count.

Hey, that's what I want to

Talk to you about. Is there any

Chance of maybe getting paid

Under the table? You know, keep

Uncle sam out of it?

I wish I could, man, but my

Old lady's the accountant. You

Know? If everything's not above

Board, she's going to bust my

Balls more than she usually

Does. Hey, that reminds me. I

Need tax info from you... like

Social, all that stuff.

I can give it you right now.

No, no, just write it down.

I'll get it from you next time I

See you. And good job tonight.

Alicia, can we, um...

can we just...

mm-Hmm. Sure. But I wanted to

Try maybe this little thing that

I do with my tongue that we

Haven't tried before?

What little thing?

Well, it's with my tongue and

My teeth.

It doesn't hurt. No, no, no.

Well, I mean it hurts, but in a

Good way.

Shit.

I can't believe I'm about to say

This.

What?

Can we just, um, talk for a

Second... please?

Sure.

Uh... all right. The thing is,

That, um, this is all just...

you're feeling kind of

Disoriented with the park view

And the silk sheets and the

Girlie soap and everything. It's

A little much when you come from

Nothing, right?

Well, yeah. And also the...

age issue, because even

Though I turn you on and I know

Exactly what you want in bed,

You're still thinking of banging

College girls and you're

Wondering if I know it. I do.

Because, you know, you get to

Know a lot of guys and you start

To recognize patterns.

And I'm...

30 percent man and 60 percent

Boy and maybe 10 percent

Neanderthal. You know, and

That's really not a very good

Recommendation for a long-Term

Relationship...

so?

Because there's a little girl

In the next room who thinks that

You're just the greatest guy

Since Adam and, well, I'm going

To give you the benefit of the

Doubt.

Oh.

You know, you just

Said everything I wanted to say

But better.

Tongue trick?

Sure.

Cool.

I'm not gay.

Neither am I.

I mean, we live together and

Everything, but it's not like we

Sleep together or kiss or any of

That shit.

Yeah. It's just blowjobs. And

They don't count as sex anymore,

So it's not like we're even

Doing anything sexual.

Yeah, and definitely not

Anything gay.

Exactly.

I'm just getting the blowjobs

So I'm really not gay.

Are you saying I'm gayer than

You?

No.

Well, don't piss me off,

Mike. I'll beat your face in,

Asshole.

Dude, if I'm not gay at all,

How can you be gayer than me?

Use your logic, dude.

Sorry, man.

So, you think you'll ever

Want to try it?

Try what?

Going down on me.

No, dude. Never.

That's cool.

Don't forget the old expression,

Though. Never say never.

No. I'm saying never. Loud

And clear.

Why do you have to be a dick?

Shut up.

You shut up!

You shut up!

You shut up!

You shut up!

Yeah?

Hey, it's me. Hello?

Yeah.

Look, I hate to say this, but

I think we need to get together

And talk. I've been talking to

Lawyers and crunching numbers,

And if I hire a lawyer to handle

Things, there won't be any

Numbers left to crunch. So, as

Much as I would love to screw

You to the wall and leave you

Penniless, it doesn't look like

That'll be happening.

Hang on a second, OK?

Hello?

What do you want?

Mags?

You called me last night?

Yes. I wanted to talk to you

About Sean.

John? I'm not getting into

The middle of that bullshit.

The two of you are a bunch of

Idiots as far as I'm concerned.

I'm talking about Garrity.

Sean Garrity. Your boyfriend.

Who said he was my boyfriend?

He did.

What a tool.

You gonna buy that?

No. I'm going to read this,

And when I'm done reading this,

I'm going to walk away.

God, people are so rude.

Hang on a second, mag.

All right. Look, I can't talk

Right now. When do you want to

Meet?

Well, how's Tuesday at 4:00?

I'll make sure that the girls

Aren't here. Colleen has bible

Study, and I'll set up a

Play date for katy.

All right. Let me tell you

One thing right now... if I even

Smell Johnny within two blocks

Of that house...

he won't be.

Tuesday at 4:00.

Got to go.

Yeah?

He's not my boyfriend.

Well, he thinks he is.

Listen, Tom, he's a sweet

Kid. Dumb as a box of rocks and

Not the regular ones. The dumb

Ones. He's not bad in the Sack,

But that's about all there is to

It.

So, you're not serious

About him?

Listen, Tommy, including

Garrity, I got four guys in line

Right now. No... five. I just

Started a thing with the new

Super in my building. Cute

Mexican guy. His name is nacho.

You know, like the snack.

Yeah. That's cute. He's in

Love with you, you know.

Nacho?

Not nacho! Garrity!

Tell me something I don't

Know. They're all in love with

Me, Tom. It's like moths to a

Flame. Am I bad?

You know, I'm just glad to

Hear that you're not serious

About him, you know?

What are you doing?

Calm down, punjab. I'll give

You a nickel. God.

Bye.

Yeah?

Hi. It's me. Look, I just

Wanted to say I'm sorry about

Last night.

Boy, it's crazy chick calling

Day, isn't it?

What did you say?

Nothing. What do you want?

Listen, have you gone and

Done the sperm thing yet?

I'm on my way right now. Why?

How do they... remove it from

You?

The sperm? You know, I think

They go in above the knee with a

Little tube and they suck the

Cum right out of your leg. I

Don't... what do you think?

I mean, do they... hook you up

To some device or...

they have a penis pump. No. I

Jerk off, OK? I jerk off into a

Cup or, you know, a plastic ice

Cube tray or something. I don't

Know. Why?

All right, all right. That's

What I thought.

Hang on. Yeah?

Hi. Mr. Gavin. It's your

Favorite teacher.

It really is crazy chick

Calling day.

I need to see you right now.

I'm sorry, but I can't see

You. I'm on my way to a doctor's

Appointment, all right? So...

it's nothing serious or

Transmittable, I hope.

Well, it's just a... a bunch of

Normal, general check-Up things,

But it's going to be like a few

Hours. I'm very, very busy.

I thought we had an

Arrangement. You know, if you

Don't come over, I'm gonna have

To call Damian.

Oh, God.

All right. I might be able to

Swing by your place. I'm kind of

In your neighborhood. But I can

Only stay 10 minutes.

I'll be waiting.

Don't be tardy.

Ohh. What?

Green light, jackass!

You know, it's against the

Law to drive and talk on your

Cell phone in new York city? You

Know that, right?

Yes, I do. I know that. Look,

I just have a little tiny

Question for you.

What?

When you're at the sperm bank

And you are jerking off into a

Cup, could you think of me?

Why?

Because then if we decide to

Use the sperm at a later date to

Have a child together, then it

Would sort of be like we were

Actually connected at the moment

That it all started.

Hee hee hee.

Think of me!

Hey!

Hey, keela, brush your teeth.

Make that bed up there!

No, you don't have to make

The bed. Mariana will do it. And

Leave the dishes, too. She'll

Take care of that.

OK.

You know, I am so in love

With your daughter.

Did you hear what she said to

Me? I was so moved.

Yeah, well, she asks

Everybody to be her mommy, so...

OK.

I'm sorry... alicia. I didn't

Mean that. She... she really likes

You. She does.

You know, you seem like

You've been a dad forever. I'm

So impressed.

Yeah. Well, don't be too

Impressed. Yeah, I freaked out,

You know. I couldn't handle it.

I put her up for adoption.

What?

Yeah. She got placed with

This family... these pigs... you

Know, all they cared about what

Was their monthly check from the

State.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. I was out of my mind.

So I... stole her back.

What do you mean you stole

Her?

I just took her.

You took her?

Yeah. You know, people like

That are never going to call the

Cops. They still get their check

Every month. No extra mouth to

Feed so they're thrilled.

But, um, that's just between you

And me. OK?

I think you're going to have

To seal my lips.

I was just thinking the same

Thing.

Keela, come on, sweetheart.

We're late.

Oh, my God.

You're a bad, bad boy.

Oh, Mrs. Turbody. Mmm! Mmm!

Mrs. Turbody! Ohh!

Ohh! Ohh! Mrs. Turbody!

Ohh! Ohh!

Ohh, ohh.

Sorry.

It's OK.

So, you'll be in here.

OK.

Take as long as you need,

And then when you have your

Deposit, bring it to the front

And carl will catalog it.

OK. Carl.

A little chilly in here, isn't

It?

I'll turn the heat up.

We have some reading material

There if you need inspiration.

Thisis... playboys.

Old playboys.

Don't you have anything a little

More, you know...

I don't understand.

Something a little more...

more... what?

This will be fine. Ahem.

All right. Pal. Let's get

Going.

Hey, uh...

it's carl, right?

Yes.

Um... ahem. I, uh...

I stopped and had sex on my way

Over here so, um, I just wanted

To let you know that, uh, this

Isn't my normal volume...

you know, sperm-Wise.

I'm sure it's fine.

Well, it's just...

how ya doing?

Uh...

it's also the cups are kinda big

So it just seems like there's,

You know, not that much in

There.

I can take your

Deposit now.

'Cause I was

Thinking if you'd give me a new

Cup, I could go home and, you

Know, take care of my

Business there and put it in the

Fridge and bring it in first

Thing in the morning.

No?

No. We need to make sure that

Your, uh, deposit is fresh

Before we freeze it.

Don't worry. Everyone thinks

It's not enough.

Oh, really?

Yeah. I'm sure it's a

Perfectly normal amount.

Thank you.

Yeah... this is really not

Enough.

Can you come back tomorrow?

Yeah.

I just want to point out that

It's really cold in that room

And you could use smaller cups

And better magazines.

What's going on?

Hmm? Ah, nothing, man.

Wow. Look at him, huh?

Yeah, he's dead to the world.

Yeah, that's good eating.

Goddamn pricks!

It's not funny! God damn it!

It's not!

Ohh!

Now that's funny!

Yo. Lou, boy, did you pick

The wrong day to show up late

To work, my man. Chief was

Sleeping in the break room, me

And Tommy...

yeah. You know, I heard.

There's pieces of lounger up and

Down the street. You know, you

Could have gotten somebody

Killed. Goddamn bunch of

Juvenile delinquents.

Yo, Lou, you need a hug or

Something?

Lighten up, buddy.

Hey, is that a nicotine patch

I see? It's against the rules,

My man. I think you got to make

A little cash deposit in the

Kitty.

You know, why don't you mind

Your own business, you stupid

Spic?

Excuse me?

You heard me.

Yeah. I heard you and I saw

You. Drunk off your ass the

Other night, stumbling around in

The street like some goddamn

Bum. Maybe I'm a stupid spic,

Lou, but at least I've got my

Personal shit together.

Ahem. What's going on?

Shh.

Quiet time.

Bullshit.

Yeah, OK. You know what? I'm

Not getting involved. I'm just

Relaying information here, OK?

What, four other guys? Come

On, that's crazy.

Yeah. Crazy to you and me,

But to a crazy person... business

As usual. All right?

What?

Hey, look, the bear, the

Stick? Does that ring a bell?

You know, if she were dating

Four other guys, I'd think I'd

Know about it, OK?

How would you know?

I don't know. Maybe there'd

Be some other guys' underwear or

Socks laying around?

Underwear and socks?

Yeah.

Yeah, you go with that plan.

Do yourself a favor. Walk away

From the relationship.

You know what, Tom? This is

You just being you. You know,

Overprotective and not thinking

I'm good enough for your

Sister.

That is not the

Issue, believe me.

Yes, it is.

Of course you're good enough

For her.

Oh, really?

So were the four other guys...

the underwear and the sock guys.

Very funny. You know, don't

Talk about her that way.

Don't put your hands on me.

Don't put your hands on me,

You jerk.

Lay off!

Bitch!

My sister!

She's my girlfriend.

Yeah. One other thing,

Asshole.

What?

Don't tell her I mentioned

This stuff to you, all right?

Please?

Sean?

Hey, you work in there?

Huh?

You a fireman?

Yeah.

That's from the neighborhood.

Come on! Yeah!

Ohh!

Cup?

Ah! No!

Aah!

Shit!

And?

Actually, we just ran your

Semen under the scope... standard

Procedure... we've never seen this

Before... seems to be quite a bit

Of dust in it.

It's been a long time. Ahem.

See you tomorrow.

Ah!

Uh!

Hey!

What do you think you're doing?

Who the hell are you?

What are you doing?

I'm frying myself!

That's what I'm doing. Get

Out of here.

It's a free country. We can

Both do it.

No way. People will read

About this in the paper!

They'll think we're

Cult members or a couple of

Queers with some homo

Suicide pact thing. Take a hike,

Wannabe!

You hake a tike.

I was here first.

I'm going first!

Why should you go first?

I'm homeless! I got nothing!

I got no friends, I got no

Family. My life is shit, man!

My life is bigger shit, all

Right?

My wife, whom I love dearly,

Left me for another man. She

Broke my heart and then she took

Nearly everything that I owned,

All right? And then I met

Another woman. Yeah. Beautiful.

Young, gorgeous hooker, but one

Of the good ones because she

Didn't make me pay until the

End. And at the end she took

Every penny that I had on earth.

And then... get this. I'm in a

Porn store the other day, and

Who do I see on the cover of a

Triple x but her. So, not only

Is she a thief and a hooker, but

She's a porn star to boot. I'm a

Joke. I'm a loser. I look in the

Mirror, I want to puke.

Be my guest.

Excuse me?

You win, loser. You go first.

Thanks.

Who is it?

It's Lou. Open up.

Hey.

What's going on? It's like

4:00 in the morning.

I know. Did I wake you?

I was up anyways. What's

Happened?

I need some help.

Everything?

Every cent I had. I know what

You're thinking. I'm a moron.

At this advanced age, I mean, I

Can't believe I didn't see it

Coming. Maybe I did. I don't

Even know anymore. A gorgeous

Girl like that, Tommy, she was

So gorgeous. What would she ever

Want with a guy like me, I don't

Know.

Well...

look at the bright side. I mean,

At least you got to bang a porn

Chick for a couple of months.

I know. I just found out

Recently. It didn't really help.

Well, you know what, pal.

Ahem. I'd do anything I can to

Help you. I'm kind of strapped

For cash right now.

I'm just wondering if I

Can maybe just crash here for a

Little while, you know. I'm

Living in this shithole basement

Apartment with a jihad going on

Upstairs 24/7. I can't go back

There.

You can take the master

Bedroom. I haven't been able to

Sleep in it since she left

Anyways.

I just need...

to rest. You know?

Clear my head.

All right.

You got it.

Mi casa es su casa.

That means, you know...

I know what it means, Tom.

Lou, um...

seriously...

if you're gonna be crying,

You're gonna have to go.

Oh, God. You're such an

Asshole.

Goodnight.

Is he there?

He's there.

All right.

Donaghy's. Pete speaking.

It's Tom.

Hey, Tom. How's things?

It's great. You got his gun?

Got it. Hey, what's up with

Blowing off those black folks

Uptown?

First of all, there was an

Egyptian kid stuck in that bus,

OK? And he was blacker than

Derek jeter. Put him on.

Asshole?

Dick face.

30 minutes, you're going to

Be there, right?

Uh-Huh.

How ya doing?

Not too bad. Couple of broken

Ribs, busted tooth, piece of

Cake.

It's too bad. I was kinda

Hoping it would be worse.

Screw you, Tommy.

30 minutes, you're in, you're

Out. No bullshit.

Yeah. Like it was my idea to

Do this.

Shithead.

Let me ask you something.

When did it start? Was it after

Connor died and I asked you

Personally as my brother to

Look after my own kids and my

Wife? Is that when it started,

Huh? Was it like a month? Couple

Of months? Last week? When did

It start?

It was your Junior prom. When

You brought Janet home so mom

And dad could take pictures

Of her. She looked amazing in

That dress, Tommy.

Drive safe.

Yeah, right.

Look, I think that we should

Just go back to the terms that

We had before when we spoke with

Eddie. OK? So you wanted the

Plasma, which is fine, but I

Would like the chaise lounge.

Hello?

What?

The chaise lounge. It's the

Chair that matches the couch.

You always said that you hated

It because it was too long to

Sit down on and too short to...

yeah, yeah. It's fine.

And I'm concerned about the

School that colleen's in...

this born again thing has me

Really rattled so I thought I

Might look at private schools,

For which case I'm going to need

A lot more money, but Johnny has

Agreed to take care of it, but I

Was hoping that if I needed any

Extra, that I could come to you.

Yeah.

Are we having an actual

Conversation here or is it me

Just talking and you nodding

Your head at everything that I

Say?

A little bit of both.

You are not going to bait me.

OK. The dining room set. I had

Wanted it, but then I found this

One and I like it, so I'll let

You have the other one. There's

A watercolor that's in the

Bedroom that was a gift from my

Parents, so obviously that's

Mine, and I was hoping that

You could work out some

Sort of monthly amount of money

For you to help me with the

Girls.

So, ahem. Let me get this

Straight. You're going to let me

Have the dining room table that

I bought with the money I earned

Running into burning buildings

While other people are running

Out of them. Is that correct?

Yeah.

Hey, Tommy!

What the hell are you doing?

Hey!

God, does this make you feel

More like a man! Huh?

Uhh!

Ohh! Ah!

Ah!

Aah!

Ah.

Sorry about the shirt.

It wasn't one of my

Favorites.

So you're OK about the chaise

Lounge?

Yeah, I'll have a couple of

Guys pick it up and bring it

Over.

Thanks.

If I know my brother,

He's only a couple minutes away.

Probably with the gumball on the

Roof, so, I, uh...

you want me to call you or...

no, um...

I'll call you.

* a very good friend of mine

Said, son, dance to the

Moonshine, dance to the dawn,

Me and the boy had some fun

When we danced to the moonshine,

Danced to the dawn,

And now that all of that

Killing's done,

Dance to the good cash money,

Son,

'Cause I know I believe that

Country air is the only thing

That's fit to breathe,

And all the things that I can

See are breaking up all around

Me,

To far away *

Janet? Janet!

* and I can't see that star,

And I can't hear that

Thunder... *

Hey.

* out in the wild blue

Yonder,

The wild blue yonder,

The wild blue yonder,

The wild blue yonder *