Republic of Doyle (2010–2014): Season 3, Episode 8 - Two Jakes and a Baby - full transcript

[Narrator] Previously
on Republic of Doyle...

[Jake] This is not a robbery.

[Leslie] Get the
hell out here now.

[Jake] Look, I just want you to
know that the way this is all

playing out is not at all how
it's actually... playing out.

[Rose] So you two are getting
along really well, hey?

[Des] Chandra has some seriously
super-human qualities.

[Tinny] I'm in med school.

We're in love.

[Des] Oh my God, oh my God.

[Des] I don't think I'm ready to
be in this relationship with you.



[Rose] Somebody want to tell
me what's going on here?

Eric's gotta go.
You can't come back here,

or there's going to
be some trouble.

You have a natural
inclination to help people.

[Jake] I don't get it.
Where's the joke?

[Mal] There isn't one.
You're a good boy, Jake.

[Jake] - I'll release all of the...
[Leslie] - Hostages?

[Jake] They're not hostages.

[Leslie] I told you your crap was gonna
get you in trouble, and now it has.

[♪]

[Leslie] Jake.

[Jake] Yup.

[Leslie] I had to put you in jail.
You're supposed to be in jail.

[Jake] No one knows I'm gone.



[Leslie] I know you didn't do it Jake.
But I had to put you in jail.

I'm really sorry about this.

[Jake] Sometimes you have to get
your hands dirty. It's not your fault.

[♪]

(Gun shot)

[♪]

[Leslie] Oh my God.

Oh my God, Jake.

No, no, no.

Jake, get up!

(Baby crying)

[Leslie] Can you hear that?

Where is it?

It's your phone.

It's ringing.

Is that your phone?

[Jake] I've always loved you.

(Cell phone ringing)

[Leslie] Bennett.

(Police sirens)

(Police chatter)

[Hood] Listen, Bennett, let's go
out front and talk for a bit, hey?

[Leslie] What is this?

[Hood] Uh, there was a
kidnapping; Girl, 21, they

snatched her right out of the back yard.
That's the boyfriend,

Smith Carson. Guy's a suspected
drug dealer, but we've never

been able to get him on anything.
Uh, there were two

kidnappers, masks, guns, the
usual, a woman and this guy.

She shot her own
partner on the way out.

Leslie, listen,
maybe you should sit out.

[Leslie] Why?

[♪]

[Hood] No, wait. They're not done.
I haven't even gotten in there yet.

[♪]

[Leslie] Jake, please, no.

[♪]

[Leslie] Oh my God.

[♪]

♪ oh yeah (Oh yeah!) ♪

♪ oh yeah (Oh yeah!) ♪

♪ oh yeeeah oh yeeeah ♪

♪ oh yeah! ♪

[♪]

[Shamrock] Jake Doyle is dead, b'ys.
He's dead!

He never knew what hit him.

[In-mates] (Yelling)

[In-mate] I got 20 packs
of smokes on you!

[Shamrock] That's it, Jake b'y, now, huh?
You're wearing him down now, huh?

Lads, I got dibs on his mattress.
He's finished.

(Laughs)

[Logan] Hold on.
I'll figure something--

I'll figure something out. Just hold on!

[In-mates] (Yelling)

(Smack)

[Jake] Ah!

[In-mates] (Yelling)

[Shamrock] Just pass out, b'y!

[Jake] (Thud)

[Logan] (Smack!)

[In-mates] (Yelling)

[Jake] (Smack)

[Shamrock] Whoa ho!

[Jake] (Punches)

(Thud)

[In-mates] (Cheering)

[Jake] Thanks.

[Shamrock] That's it Jake, b'y,
I knew you could do it. I knew

it. Now come on, we gets out of here
before buddy's big brother shows up.

[Jake] He's got a
bigger brother?

[Leslie] Doyle!

I need to talk to you. Now.

[Jake] Hey there, uh, Leslie.

I... (Thud)

[In-mates] (Laughing)

[♪]

(Ambulance siren)

[Leslie] So you've
never seen him before?

[Jake] No. Never.

[Leslie] Identity theft.
He's been living as you for three

weeks, ever since
you've been locked up.

[Jake] He's been living as me?
I don't even want to be me.

Why would he do that?

[Leslie] Look, I know you got a
bad rap, but you didn't really

rob that bank.
I know this, but I can't prove it.

[Jake] It is what it is Leslie.

I-- I-- I don't blame
you for any of that.

[Leslie] However, I think
there's a way for you to get a

second chance to
help your appeal.

[Leslie] A girl's
been kidnapped.

[Jake] Okay, so you guys want me to help you.

I get that, but who's idea
was this whole thing?

[♪]

[Jake] Well, look at himself,
dressed to the nines.

[Hood] Sergeant Bennett,
you gave him the info?

[Leslie] We're in
the process, sir.

[Jake] Did you just
call him "sir"?

[Leslie] Right, uh, you wouldn't
have heard in prison.

Hood is officially staff sergeant,
effective today.

[Jake] I shoulda known.
Nothing says a promotion like a brand

new suit from Randy river.

[Hood] This whole idea,
your release, it's my operation.

I plan to make this work,
so watch yourself.

[Jake] Oh, this is all your big...
Your big plan. That makes sense. Wow.

[Leslie] Anyway, this guy
pretending to be you?

He was connected to a kidnapping.
Fiona Michaels was all set to testify

against her drug dealer
boyfriend, but she disappeared.

[Hood] We can't
lose this witness.

[Leslie] The crown's case depends on it.
We have a prime

suspect, Audrey Birchill.
But it's been 12 hours and we

haven't heard anything.
No ransom yet.

[Jake] How do we know that,
uh, Fiona here isn't dead?

[Hood] We don't. But Audrey used to
have a partner who is serving 10 years.

[Leslie] Yeah, hood's got
another con working with us.

[Leslie] Jake, meet Logan Hicks.

[Logan] Hi.

[Hood] Bennett, Jake, I'll be
watching real close. Don't screw up.

[♪]

[Mal] So now Jake's working some case with
Leslie. I'm gonna try to meet up with him.

[Rose] Really? He's out?

Apparently so. I got a feeling things
might go back to normal around here.

[Rose] That sounds insane.

[Mal] (Laugh)

(Baby cooing)

[Mal] Uh... can we help you?

[Laura] Hi. Uh, sorry, I, um,
I just had to let myself in.

[Rose] Uh, who are you, dear?

[Laura] I was looking for Jake.

He needs to meet his daughter.

[♪]

[Jake] So hood's the new boss, huh?
That must be a laugh.

[Leslie] Drop it.

[Jake] You should shave your head
as a-- a sign of solidarity.

[Leslie] Logan, our prime suspect,
Audrey, what's your story with her?

[Logan] We pulled a number of jobs together.
Kidnappings. Made good money.

[Jake] Manly work.

[Logan] We always chose the
wealthy subjects, strong guys.

You know, healthy?
No one ever got hurt.

[Leslie] Yeah, well Fiona
Michaels isn't wealthy. And she

was about to testify in
a dangerous drug case.

[Jake] You ever work for any
drug dealers, Logan? Did Audrey?

[Logan] No.

[Leslie] Our first stop is Fiona's
boyfriend, the dealer, Smith Carson.

[Logan] Yeah, yeah, I
know-- I know who he is.

[♪]

[Jake] Hood must be pretty desperate;
I mean, getting the help of two cons.

[Leslie] I know, it's a stupid idea.
But a woman's life is at

stake, as well as a case against
a dangerous drug peddler. Plus,

Logan's sentence is up in a month.
It's hardly a risk.

[Jake] (Snap)

You know, if this works out,
hood may end up as chief.

[Leslie] Are you
looking for a smack?

Let's go.

[♪]

[Leslie] Follow my lead, and do
exactly as I say. Do not reveal

anything about Fiona's
plans to testify.

[Jake] Look, I know the routine, okay?
It's chuckles here you

gotta worry about.

(Phone ringing)

[Leslie] Look, Logan, if you see
or hear anything that can help,

you signal me, you got it?

[Logan] Whatever you
say, boss-lady.

[Leslie] Bennett.

[Mal] Ah, Leslie!
Can I speak to Jake please?

[Leslie] What am I, your
answering service now?

[Jake] It's for me? Well...
I'm sure it's important.

[Leslie] Yeah, don't
make it a habit.

[Jake] Hello?

[Mal] You have a
serious problem.

[Logan] Oh come on, man, what is this?
He's-- he's taking phone

calls? Screw this.

[Jake] Problem?

[Leslie] Logan!

[Jake] Look, dad, the only
problem I can deal with right

now is finding this
kidnapped girl, okay?

I only got one shot
at this thing.

[Leslie] What the hell do
you think you're doing?

[Jake] Can't screw it up.

[Mal] I think this
might be an exception.

[Jake] I gotta go.

[Mal] - Jake--
[Leslie] - Logan Hicks, get back here!

Logan!

Logan don't even think about it.

[Smith] Shouldn't you be out looking
for my kidnapped girlfriend?

[Jake] Just shut up, alright?
We gotta ask you a couple of

questions.
You recognize this guy?

[Smith] Obviously.
He was dead on my lawn last night.

[Jake] So you saw his face?

[Smith] I'm thinking that's what
got him killed. His mask fell

off so the crazy chick shot him.

[Leslie] Mr. Carson, do you know

anyone who would want to hurt Fiona?
A co-worker or anything?

[Leslie] Ow! What is this? Jake!

(Slam!)

[Leslie] (Knocking)

[Jake] - Logan...
[Logan] - Shut up!

[Jake] Are you out of your mind?

[Leslie] You let me out! Jake!

(Gun shots)

[Jake] Leslie! Just-- just stop shooting okay?
Hold your fire!

[Leslie] You let me out now!

[Jake] You idiot.
You're going to ruin this whole thing.

[Logan] You let her out, and they'll be
finding two more bodies on this lawn.

[Jake] Okay, cool it. Just think about
what you're doing here, alright?

[Smith] Okay, I get it,

good cop, bad cop.

[Logan] No, no.
Good cop is locked in the shed.

(Smack)

[Smith] Oh!

[Leslie] Jake!

[Logan] You knew. The guys who grabbed
the girl, Fiona, you knew them.

[Smith] Look, I have no idea
what you're talking about, okay?

[Leslie] You let me out! Now!

[Jake] Well I want to let you out,
but he's got a... gun pointed at me.

[Smith] They wore masks.

[Logan] You knew she was going
to testify against you for the

drugs, so you had her grabbed.

[Jake] Logan, what the
hell are you doing?

[Leslie] Logan, shut up!

[Smith] What are you-- What
are you talking about?

Tes-- testify what?

[Logan] She flipped on you.

[Leslie] Logan!

[Logan] Because you are a piece of dog turd.
She was testifying against you.

[Smith] Look, Fiona and I had
our problems, but she'd never

rat me out for anything, okay?

We're in love.

[Logan] Where is she?

Where is she?!

[Smith] If I knew who kidnapped
her, they'd be dead. Believe me.

[Jake] Okay, this guy has no idea
what the hell you're talking about.

[Leslie] Logan! Jake!

(Smack)

[Smith] (Thud)

[Logan] Alright, you're coming with me.
I'm gonna need a hostage.

[Leslie] Jake!

[Jake] Just-- I-- Don't shoot again, alright?
Apparently I'm

being taken hostage.
Smith wasn't supposed to know that

Fiona was going to testify
against him, you moron.

[Logan] We needed to know if he was the guy.
Now we now he

isn't. Simple. Let's follow our next lead.
Time's running out.

[Jake] Leslie, I'll find you.

[Leslie] (Knocking)

(Cars honking)

[Des] (Humming)

(Door opening)

[Jake] Des? What are you at?

[Des] Oh, I'm just ironing
my sweaters, why?

Oh, wait, wait.

Is this a drill?

(Clap)

This is a drill, isn't it?

Like, "if people come in and
take over our base of operation,

what do we do?".

I get it, I get it.

[Jake] Not a drill, Des.

What are you doing here?

[Des] Well, I kinda... moved in.

[Jake] You "kind of" moved in?

Well, let me tell you,
kind of move out!

[Logan] Is that my mug shot?

What's going on here?

[Jake] Look, just because you're
holding a gun doesn't mean you

deserve answers, buddy.

[Des] Uh, yes, I was getting
this case prepared for Jake. Mal

told me Jake was working with the cops.
Where's-- where's

Leslie? I'm Des, yo.

[Jake] I got no idea what the
master plan you got going on,

but I'm telling you right now,
whatever it is, it's a bad one.

[Logan] Well listen, I don't
care what you think or don't

think. You will help me or I'll kill you both.
You. What info do

you have? Spill it, now.

[Des] Okay. Uh, I looked into, uh, dead Jake.
Uh, this guy has

like a major record.
Uh, you know, I ran a check into

everything.
His real name's Rodney Cooper.

[Logan] I never saw him before.

[Jake] They stole my identity
like three weeks ago.

[Des] Yeah, yeah, and he really
ran up your line of credit, man.

Your phone. Your credit cards.

Basically everything you
have he tapped into.

[Jake] Great.

[Des] Don't worry about it.
I'm currently straightening it out

with the banks and the credit card companies.
Just my way of

giving you guys on the
inside a second chance.

[Logan] Is that all you got?

[Des] No-- well, no.
I-- I-- I hacked into, um, Jake's phone--

Well, Rodney's phone-- Well,
Jake's phone-- Whatever, your

phone, and he made, like, a
hundred calls out of a warehouse

by the airport. They're using it as a garage.
So maybe he just

loves getting his tires aligned.

[Logan] Audrey's hiding
out there, I know it.

[Jake] Do you have, like, a crush
on this missing girl Fiona or what?

[Logan] What? Seriously, do you
think this is a joke? Do you?

[Jake] I'm not much
good to you dead.

[Logan] Alright, we know where the girl is.
We know where

Audrey is. Let's go. You.
You call the cops and tell them

anything, your boss here is dead.
You understand me?

[Des] Okay. Jake!

[Freddie] (Screaming)

(Bonk!)

[Jake] Ah! Ahhh!

[Freddie] You...
You stay the hell away from Laura. Whoa!

[Logan] Who are you?

Who are you now, huh?

[Freddie] Uh...
Hey, this guy got my girlfriend pregnant.

[Logan] I, uh, I can't help you with this, buddy.
Sorry. Have a good one.

[Jake] Logan, you jus---
[Freddie] (Grunting)

[Jake] I am in the middle
of something here.

[Freddie] Hey, I love her.
And the baby.

[Jake] I have no idea what
you're talking about.

[Freddie] Oh, save it, Jake Doyle.
Huh? I know your name,

you jerk. If I ever see you
coming around our place again,

I'll... jump your face!

[Des] (Screaming)

(Laughing)

Oh!

[Jake] What the hell was that?

[Des] Uh... element of surprise.

(Phone ringing)

[Jake] Okay, I need you to look
into Logan Hicks, alright? Find

out anything you can on him.

[Des] Okay, okay, yes. Okay.

[Jake] (Groan)

Yeah?

[Mal] Hang up on me again
and see what happens.

[Jake] - Okay, look dad, please...
[Mal] - I'm telling you, I have a

situation here and I'm trying to
be delicate about it dumb-dumb.

[Jake] Dad, I am in the middle
of something, alright? Can we

not focus on your
issues just for once?

[Mal] My issues? No, no, no, no.

This is all about your issues.

Big ones.

(Beeping)

[Jake] Okay, I got another call.

I gotta go, b'y.

[Jake] Hello there.

[Leslie] You left me in a
shed and you got my phone.

[Jake] I know, I know, Leslie.

That was an accident.

[Des] Oh, is-- is that Leslie?

Tell-- tell her I say hi.

[Leslie] Where is he, Jake?

Don't mess with me.

[Jake] Logan's up to something.

I can feel it.
I just don't know exactly what it is.

[Leslie] Yeah, besides a jail break?
Listen, if I don't get

you back in custody and find Fiona
Michaels, I'm gonna lose my job here.

[Jake] That's not gonna happen, okay?
He did get away from me,

but I-- I-- I think I
know where he's going.

[Leslie] Listen Jake, you stay
put until I come get you, then

you're going back inside.

Do you hear me?

[Jake] Uh, no, no, no. No, no.

Leslie, I can't do that.

Honestly, I don't have time.

There's not enough-- I gotta--
I'm hanging up on you.

Please don't kill me.

[Leslie] Jake, you don't
go anywhere! Jake?

[Laura] Her name's jacklyn.
We would have named her Jacob, you

know, if she were a boy.

[Rose] Right.
Oh, she's beautiful.

[Laura] Thank you.

I, uh... I just hope she
gets to know her father.

You know? It's not right for
anyone to grow up not knowing

anything about their real dad.

[Rose] Was that Jake?

Did you tell him?

[Mal] He just hung
up on me again.

[Rose] (Sigh)

[Laura] Is he coming over?

[Mal] He will, yes, but, uh...
First, why don't you explain to

me exactly how it
is you know my son.

[♪]

(Cell phone ringing)

(Door creaking)

[♪]

[Jake] Sorry Logan.

I owe you this.

[Logan] You have no idea what
you're doing, you moron!

[Jake] (Scream)

Listen man, we lost the trust
in this relationship when you

threw Leslie Bennett in a shed.

(Smack!)

[Logan] Oh!

This is a life of
death situation.

I can't afford to have
you get in my way.

[Audrey] Logan. What is this?

[Logan] Audrey! Audrey, no!

[Jake] Easy. Easy, now.

[Logan] Let her go, Audrey.
I mean it.

[Audrey] This was not the plan.

Who is he?

[Logan] He's no one.

Jus-- just wait.

[Audrey] Toss your
gun to the floor.

[Jake] Look, uh, why don't we
just talk, right, and you tell

us what you want?

[Fiona] (Crying)

[Audrey] This is your back-up, Logan?
Man, you have changed.

You'll be hearing from me.

Do not screw this up.

[Fiona] (Whimpering)

[Logan] Audrey!

[Jake] Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You mind telling me what
you're not telling me here?

[Logan] Come on, man.
What are you doing?

We gotta go after them.

[Jake] Audrey said this wasn't the plan.
So Logan, what is the plan?

[Logan] Alright, alright, alright, alright.
To start... (Grunt)

[Logan] (Bang)

[Jake] Alright pally, if you
don't want to tell me, then

you're gonna have to tell Leslie
Bennett, because we're going

back to jail, my son.

Ah!

[♪]

[Leslie] You were on the outside
for one hour, and you get me

locked in a shed and then
you lose the hostage?

[Logan] You don't understand.

I-- I couldn't wait for anyone.

I-- I didn't have a choice.

[Jake] Look, there is something
going on between Logan here and

Audrey. I can-- I can feel it.

[Logan] What a
suck-ass rat you are.

[Jake] Alright, do you want
to tell us, uh, why you're so

interested in this case?

[Leslie] Jake, shut up!

Answer his question.

[Logan] It's complicated.
Look, your hostage, Fiona, is still

out there and alive for now.
Are we going to keep yapping or are

we gonna go get her?

[Leslie] We?

"We" are not a "we", okay?

You two are going back to jail.

[Jake] Leslie, come on.
I did my part, okay? I brought him back.

[Leslie] Forget it, Jake.
A woman's life is in danger and

now the real cops are after her.

This whole idea was ridiculous.

[Logan] I'm not going back in.

You can't do this.

[Leslie] Take him
back to his cell.

[Logan] Look, you need me.
You need me to find her. I can help.

Please!

(Door shutting)

[Jake] So what about me?

My chance, it's gone?

[Leslie] Jake, I'm sorry, I can't risk it.
Hood is on a

rampage, and with his new
stripes he's a bit to deal with

right now, I'm sorry.

[Jake] It's fine.

I understand.

[Laura] When Jake and I first
met he was just all romance.

Just perfect. Adventurous.

[Rose] Right.
When was that exactly?

[Laura] Well, we only knew each
other for a few weeks before...

Well, you know.
That was, um, that was 10 months ago.

[Rose] Would you give
us a second, honey?

[Mal] - So if Jake met her 10 months ago...
[Rose] - Right, but fake Jake only

- assumed Jake's identity like three
weeks ago... - If she's legit, this is

Jake's real kid?

[Rose] (Sigh)

[Mal] We need to look into this.

[Rose] You think Kathleen's
up for a little babysitting?

[Mal] Uh-huh.

[♪]

[Des] Chandra,
you're so graceful.

[Tinny] Des, forget aboutChandra.
You've been broken up

for weeks. Just move on.

[Des] I know, I know. I'm fine.

We weren't right.

It's-- We just weren't
properly compatible.

It's-- Yeah, it's simple.

[Tinny] Right. Simple. So could we
please quit stop talking about her now?

[Des] Yes, of course we can
stop talking about her.

[Tinny] Thank you.

[Des] It's just Chandra
had this grace, you know?

And-- and-- and she didn't
singe my hair, and she didn't

hate me, and she didn't call me bad names.
And she didn't

always run away from me.

Dearest heaven on earth,
what have I done?

I need to get her back.

(Cell phone ringing)

[Tinny] I think that's her now!

[Des] Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!
I'm sorry!

I made a huge mistake!

[Jake] Why? What'd you do?

[Des] Um, nothing.

Good question. Uh... what have any of
us done, philosophically speaking.

[Jake] Des, what
did you find out?

[Des] Um, oh right, right.
Well, I hacked into, uh, Logan's

secure RNC file, and he was a
notorious kidnapper, and before

he was caught he made a lot of money.
Like, like a lot, a lot.

[Jake] Really?

How much is "a lot, a lot"?

[Des] Uh, well no one knows, but a couple
million is the word on the street.

[Jake] On the street?

[Des] Well, in his file.
But the police never recovered the bulk

of the money, and they suspect it might
be stashed somewhere on the outside.

[Jake] Huh. So Logan's got a
couple of million bucks stashed,

hey? Thanks Des.

[♪]

[Logan] It's your fault
we're back in here.

[Jake] Yeah, my fault.

That makes sense.

[Logan] We needed to get to Fiona,
and now there's no chance.

[Jake] Right. There's something
going on with you and the soon I

can figure it out, the sooner we
can find the missing girl and I

can get out of this hell hole.

[Logan] There's a lot
more at stake than that.

[Jake] Really?
Like a couple of million bucks?

You know, I can't help but think
that if I had a couple of

million bucks stashed on the
outside, I'd run to it the

first chance that I got.

[Logan] You think you know what you're
talking about, but you got no clue.

[Jake] If we don't find Fiona,
it's gonna be on your head.

[Leslie] Jake, Logan.

We need to talk.

[Fiona] "If you want to see th
girl again, you'll do as I say.

Bring me $20,000.
I will send the location at the last

possible moment. The PI
and the convict will deliver the

money by themselves.

Any sign of police
and the girl..."

They'll kill me.

[Logan] So now what?

[Leslie] Audrey demanded that you
two deliver the ransom. And

hood... I think the new rank might
have pushed him into crazy

town. He told me to
let you out again.

[Jake] Nice.

[Leslie] Either way, we need
Fiona alive so she can testify

against Smith Carson, who, by
the way, is also a threat to

her, now that he knows that
she was gonna flip on him.

[Jake] Nice work, dumbass.

[Logan] I knew what I was doing.

What do you want from us?

[Leslie] This time do exactly as
I say, or I swear, Logan, this

is me being nice.
You try me again, you're gonna get a front

row seat to my dark side.

Got me?

[♪]

(Knocking)

[Kathleen] Come in.

[Jacklyn] (Crying)

[Kathleen] Come in!

[Walter] Hello?

[Kathleen] Okay.

[Walter] Uh, Jake asked me
to look into Logan Hicks,

like personal information,
banking records, whatever.

Actually, is Rose here?

She's better at this stuff.

[Kathleen] No. Rose is not here.

But perfect. Okay.

You know what?

This is good, this is good.

Okay, so why don't you just
hold this screaming, uh,

bundle of fun, and-- and I'll
go look for it for you, okay?

[Walter] Yeah. Awesome. Great.

Is Jake around?

[Kathleen] She's been screaming
for 20 minutes, the mother is

out, I'm losing my mind.

Take the baby!

(Crying)

[Kathleen] (Groan)

[Jacklyn] (Stops crying)

[Kathleen] Whatever you're
doing, keep doing it.

[Walter] I'm not doing anything.

[Kathleen] Then don't move.

[Walter] Who's kid
is this, anyway?

[Kathleen] Jake's.

[Walter] (Sigh)

(Seagulls)

[Jake] 20,000 bucks feels like
an awfully low ransom demand.

Something isn't right here.

[Leslie] We don't got time
to worry about that.

[Logan] If they see cops they'll kill Fiona.
I know Audrey.

- She sees any police--
[Leslie] - Mr. Hicks, this is what

we do, okay?

You just worry about yourself.

There's a tracker in the bag.

[Logan] Audrey's no idiot.

She'll ditch the bag.

[Leslie] It's still
worth a shot.

[Logan] What am I supposed
to do with this?

[Leslie] We can listen to
everything via these phones.

Jake, you know the drill.

[Jake] Well, the microphones in
these things are better than

most listening devices.
Plus they're a lot less obvious.

[Leslie] You guys ready?

[Jake] (Zip)

[Leslie] Five minutes
to the drop.

[Jake] Let's go get the girl.

[Leslie] They're
getting in place.

Drop any minute.

Everyone hold position
until my go.

[Logan] Deep thinkers, those cops.
No one would ever notice

them, you know, sitting
in the cars over there.

[Jake] Okay, you just focus
and see if you can spot your

ex-partner, alright?

And don't even think about
running off on me again.

[Logan] Don't want to get your
girlfriend in trouble, I

understand. You two, you have a
nice chemistry. She digs you. I

can feel it. You're a lucky guy.

[Jake] This is
obviously the can.

[Logan] Oh crap!

(Boom!)

[♪]

[Jake] Logan!

[Cop] Tighten the perimeter.

Suspect Logan has disappeared.

Tighten the perimeter.

[♪]

♪Oh yeah♪

[Hood] Bennett.
The RNC's $20,000 is gone, and I'm not

gonna get stuck with
the blame on this.

[Leslie] Hood, this was your
idea, and not a very good one,

if you ask me.

[Hood] I'm not asking.

And that's "sir". And you...
Just watch it, or Jake goes back

to jail and you'll end
up as constable again.

[Leslie] So what a are
you thinking on this?

[Jake] Besides the fact that
hood's a power hungry dick-nose?

[Leslie] Look Jake, just focus, okay?
It looks like Logan was

working with his old partner.

[Jake] Just hang on. Alright? He

pulled me out of the way of that

explosion.
I mean, it could have killed me.

[Leslie] How did he
know it was there?

[Jake] Hard to say.
But I do know that Logan, Audrey and

Fiona, they're all connected somehow.
We just...

We gotta find one of them.

[♪]

[Laura] You went after Jake
Doyle? Why would you do that?

Uh, what did you think
I was gonna do, buy him a

father's day card?

[Laura] I thought you
would finally drop it.

[Freddie] Drop what?
The fact that you cheated on me, or the

fact that you lied about
me being the father?

[Laura] Don't be
such a drama queen.

[Mal] I don't care if he does
end up back in prison. Jake's

gotta straighten this out now.

I'm gonna find him and
drag his ass back here.

[Rose] You know, I think Jake
would make a great dad.

[♪]

[Leslie] If Logan isn't working
with Audrey, then what are we

looking for here?

[Jake] That, right there.

The phone logs from the
prison pay-phone to Smith

Carson's house.

[Leslie] You think that Smith and
Logan conspired together to

set up the kidnapping?

[Jake] I wouldn't put it past him.
What do you say? You wanna

return to the scene
of the crime?

[♪]

[Walter] Ha-ho. Yep, this is
Jake's kid alright. Puked on my

shirt, just like daddy.

[Kathleen] You think
Jake's ready for this?

[Walter] No. Not a chance.

I mean, were you?

[Kathleen] No way.

I was so young, you know?

I mean, thank God I had my
dad and my mom, and...

You know, when she was alive.

Tinny reminds me so
much of my mom.

It's a great thing,
having a kid.

It really is.

[Walter] Those things are
a lot of work though.

Not that I wouldn't want to have one...
Someday, maybe.

[Kathleen] Is that so?

[Walter] Meh.

[Kathleen] Huh.

[Walter] Well, you know, like
everyone, I-- I have that

selfish gene that makes me wanna
make little copies of myself.

[Kathleen] Mmm hmm.

[Walter] They're-- they're
good tax breaks too.

(Sniffing)

Whoa!

Did she-- Did she do that?

[Kathleen] Mmm hmm.

[Walter] How can a thing that
small make a smell like that?

That's bad.

[Kathleen] (Laughing)

[♪]

[Jake] Smith! You around?

What is this?

[Leslie] Jake.

Look over there.

[Jake] Uh...
I'm pretty sure he's dead.

[♪]

[Jake] So Smith's dead, Logan's
missing, and the RNC is down

$20,000.

[Leslie] Yeah, which I'm on
the hook for don't forget.

[Jake] Uh... your buddy's back.

[Leslie] That's all we need now
is captain suitface coming in

here to bark his nonsense.

What are you doing in my chair?

[Leslie] Get up.

[Jake] (Sigh)

Obviously Fiona's testimony
is moot, but she's still in

danger, plus we got
two homicides.

[Leslie] Jake, we should just
shut this down before hood posts

me to the mail room.

[Jake] No, no, no, no.
Look, we gotta find Logan, okay? We find

Logan, then we'll find our
kidnapper and possibly even our

murderer.

[Leslie] Logan's fingerprints are
all over that back yard. He

killed Smith?

[Jake] Doesn't make sense.
Smith had a stash of money that Logan

was looking for, then we get
there and there happens to be a

big hole recently dug in the back yard?
Come on.

[Leslie] Alright, fine.
We don't got much time. You find Logan,

I'll stick with the
missing girl.

Fine.

[Jake] That's the spirit.

(Door opening)

[♪]

[Mal] Hey Jake. Jake, hold up.

[Jake] Oh, dad. Good.
Listen, I'm in a bit of a hurry. I need

your help. Uh, it's crunch time.

I gotta find Logan.

[Mal] (Whack)

[Jake] Ow, b'y.

[Mal] You have to hear
something important.

[Jake] What could be more
important than finding a

kidnapped girl?

[Mal] Your daughter?

[Jake] My what now?

[Mal] And you know, there's
actually a resemblance. Her

mother Laura's looking for you.

[Jake] Dad, obviously whoever the
father of this kid is, it's

the tool who was
pretending to be me.

[Mal] Do you know anything
about reproduction?

[Jake] Uh, yeah. You gave me the
talk when I was 12, remember?

[Mal] She got pregnant 10 months ago.
Fake Jake was only

pretending to be you for the last few weeks.
Ring a bell?

[Jake] Uh... maybe.

[Mal] You are gonna
make this right.

[Jake] Uh...
I could be a father.

I could be a f-- Dad, I
gotta stay out of jail.

[Mal] Listen to yourself.
Where did I go so wrong with you?

[Jake] You want a list?
Let's just say that if-- if-- if this

is my kid, I'm not going to be
using any of your parenting

techniques.

[Jake] I, um-- I gotta-- I
gotta call Walter. Uh-- uh...

[Walter] Nice work getting the
kid to shut up. Seriously.

It was good.

[Kathleen] Yeah, well I think it
was your whiskey bottle puppet

show that kind of
sealed the deal.

[Walter] Perhaps.

Perhaps I have a hidden talent.

[Kathleen] I was starting to
think the same thing myself.

[Walter] I, uh, should get back
to this stuff for Jake, I guess.

[Kathleen] Thanks a lot,
you know, for your help.

[Walter] (Chuckle)

[Kathleen] You're a natural.

(Cell phone ringing)

[Walter] - Uh... oh. I, uh--
[Kathleen] - Yeah. Just... you--

[walter] Yeah, I'm
gonna have to check.

[Kathleen] Or just let
it go to voice mail.

- Oh, it-- it's Jake, so
I'd better-- - yeah,

you should get it.

[Walter] Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Um... Jake!

[Jake] Walter.

[Walter] When did you
get a baby, anyway?

[Jake] I can't even touch
that right now, so just--

just tell me what you got
on Logan's finances.

[Walter] Yeah. It-- it does
look like he had a whack of

cash before he got popped.

Um, and he's got investments
in two separate pieces of

property.

[Jake] Really? Where?

[Walter] The first one is a
warehouse out by the airport.

[Jake] Let me guess.
It's currently being used as a garage.

[Walter] Yeah. How'd you know?

[Jake] What else?
What else do you got?

[Walter] Uh... he, uh, he had a
house in-- in Rabbittown, but,

Jake, 10 years ago he transferred,
uh, ownership over to...

[Jake] Fiona Michaels.

[Walter] Yeah. What are you, Reveen?
Uh, anyway, uh, he

transferred ownership the day
before he went into prison.

[Jake] Right. Those phone calls
from the prison pay-phone, they

weren't to Smith. They were...
Listen, Walter, uh, great work.

I gotta go.

[Jake] Dad! Wanna go for a ride?

[Walter] That was Jake.

[Kathleen] Uh huh.

Walter, this is gonna sound kind
of out of place, you know?

I, uh... I think I've always
had a crush on you---

[Kathleen/Walter] (Kissing)

[Jacklyn] (Cooing)

[Kathleen/Walter] (Kissing)

[♪]

[Jake] This must be where Audrey
and Logan used to hide out back

in the day when they
were partners.

(Door opening)

[Logan] Idiot!

You gotta get out of here now!

You're gonna ruin everything!

[Mal] Just calm down, Logan.

We're not here for your money.

[Logan] I didn't kill Smith.
He was already dead when I went to

grab my cash from the house.

Audrey must have
got to him first.

[Mal] That's what we figured.

[Jake] Look, we gotta
talk about Fiona.

[Mal] Jake tells me
she's your daughter.

[Jake] We tracked the whole thing.
We just don't know why

Audrey kidnapped her.

[Mal] It's obvious you're in a
bit of a situation here. You

have to trust us. We can help.

[Logan] Audrey knew I was getting out soon.
Figured she

could use Fiona as a bargaining
chip to get me to tell her where

my cash was.

[Jake] So why did you bail
on us back at the drop?

Where'd you go?

[Logan] I needed to get my stash
without any cops watching.

Audrey's gonna be here any second.
Even if I pay her,

she still might kill Fiona.

She's nuts.

[Mal] We can still find
a way out of this.

[Logan] After all these years,
this is how I start my

relationship with my daughter?

I mean, honestly Jake,
what kind of father am I?

[Mal] No one's perfect.

You can take it from both of us.

[Jake] Yeah. You know, we've all

got a couple of skeletons
in our closets, right?

[Logan] Fiona didn't even know
that I buried my money in her

back yard.

[Audrey] Drop it, now.

You two, over there with him.

Ooh, you brought my money, Logan.
Good man.

Why did you bring these two?

I'm confused.

[Jake] That's my-- I-- I--
I followed him. You know,

i should introduce myself.

My name is Jake Doyle.

[Audrey] Didn't I
kill you last night?

[Jake] Yes. No.

It's complicated.

But, hey, it's a miracle.

I feel much better.

[Fiona] Dad?

[Logan] Fiona, honey,
did she hurt you?

[Fiona] No.

[Jake] Okay, look, we all want the
same thing here. Alright? So

just put the gun down, let the
girl go, and take the money.

[Audrey] Why don't I just take
the money and then use Fiona as

insurance to get out of town?

[Jake] That's not
exactly a fair deal.

[Audrey] You're right.
Should probably just kill you all

before I leave.

[Fiona] (Whimper)

[Jake] Uh, hold on.
Let's, uh, revisit your first proposal, you

know, where everyone lives?

[Jake] (Grunt)

(Gun shot)

[Audrey] Put the
gun away, Logan.

[Jake] Logan.

[Logan] Trust me.

[Audrey] No one really believes
that you'll shoot at me.

Not with your princess here.

[Logan] You're right.

(Gun shot)

[Audrey] No!
You soaked the money in gas! Ah!

(Screams)

[Jake] Hey, hey!
Grabbing things on fire, even money, is a

really, really stupid idea.

[Mal] Now that was
well done, son.

[Jake] Yeah, well, I didn't do anything.
It was Logan...

[Jake] Where's Logan?

[Audrey] (Crying)

♪Yeeah♪

[Walter] Sergeant, my client's
cooperated with you and your

team fully, so what's the story

on the appeal?

[Leslie] Well the brass doesn't
want any of this to get out.

[Jake] Really?

[Leslie] And somebody just told
them that Jake would go to the

press if hood didn't hold
up his end of the bargain.

[Jake] Now that someone wouldn't
happen to look awesome in a

tight little pant-suit
now, would she?

[Leslie] Congrats Jake.

The appeal went through.

You're a free man.

[Walter] He can go?

[Leslie] As soon as he signs a
non-disclosure agreement, yes.

(Commotion)

[♪]

[Jake] Uh... ha.

What's with him?

[Leslie] He just got
demoted back to sergeant.

[Jake] Well, what do you know?

It's a win-win situation
for everyone.

[Leslie] And I might not be far behind.
They're blaming me for

the missing 20 grand.

[Jake] What?

[Leslie] It's not your problem Jake Doyle.
Go home. Maybe I'll

catch a break and Logan will
turn up with the money.

[Walter] Well, congrats man.

You are a free man.

I-- I-- I, uh, I gotta go.

(Bang)

[Walter] And you gotta meet your new daughter.
Good luck, daddy.

[♪]

[Tinny] Des.

[Des] What?

[Tinny] You're typing too loud.

Knock it off.

[Des] Sorry.

Oh, all those depressing songs, you know?
They never...

Make sense until you've
actually lived them.

[Tinny] Right. I can't wait for
you to elaborate on that.

- Really? Oh, thanks for
finally listen-- - Mmm hmm.

(Cell phone ringing)

[Des] Oh, hey. Hey, Jake. How's it going?
Uh, oh, great news. I

fixed the whole identity theft
thing, so you can use your

credit cards and your
bank card again.

[Jake] Listen, I need you to
track a cell phone, alright?

It has a police listening
device in it.

Now, I'm 90 percent sure that
it's inactive, but we gotta try.

[Des] Of course. Yeah.

No problem, bro.

Bro-man. Brudder.

Bro-bro-face.

- Bro--
[Jake] - I'll text you the number.

We gotta get on this right away.

[Des] Okay, cool. Thanks.

[♪]

(Car engine)

[Logan] You ready to start a
new life with your old man?

[Fiona] What better way to get to
know your father than highway

take out for the next two years?

[Logan] (Laughs)

Fiona, I know we haven't had
much of a life together,

but this is our chance.

(Cell phone beeping)

[Jake] Hey there, kids.

[Logan] We really gonna do this?

[Jake] I'm unarmed.

[Fiona] Dad. Don't.

[Logan] I've got another chance
at a life with my kid. You can't

take that from me.

[Jake] You've got like one
month left in your sentence.

[Logan] Had. I bolted from the cops.
Plus even if I went back,

now that the word is out about my
cash, there's no way I'll get

through it alive.

[Jake] So the cash you set
on fire was a decoy, huh?

[Logan] You think I'm crazy?

Jake, listen. Someone else will
come after Fiona. Like Audrey

tried. I can't let that happen.
I'm not going back.

[Jake] So what, you just
expect me to let you go?

[♪]

[Logan] Everyone's
got a price Jake.

What's yours?

[♪]

♪Oh yeah♪

(Door opening)

[Jake] (Clears throat)

[Jacklyn] (Cooing)

[Jake] Hello?

[Jacklyn] (Cooing)

[Jake] Oh my.

[♪]

[Jake] Hi there.

[Jake] Hey there, little girl.

You making a little fist there?

Listen, kid... if I am your dad,
I probably do deserve a little

punch in the face.

[Freddie] I oughta
kill you right now.

[Jake] Okay, look, I know that
this situation is a, um,

- a little awkward, but--
[Laura] - Freddie, stop.

[Jake] Hi. Um... look, I just...

I just want you to know, however
this works out, um, I promise

I'm gonna do the right thing.

- I'll be--
[Laura] - You're not Jake Doyle.

[Jake] Excuse me?

[Laura] You're not the guy.

[Freddie] What?

[Mal] Lucky kid.

[Rose] Honey, what are
you saying here?

[Laura] (Exasperated breaths)

I'm sorry.

I can't do this any more.

Baby, I lied.

[Freddie] I knew it.

I'm the daddy.

[Mal] You, uh, you wanna
fill the rest of us in?

[Laura] It was a scam.

I was playing you guys.

[Freddie] You what?

Why didn't you tell me?

[Laura] Well, I don't know Freddie.
I just... I freaked out.

[Freddie] (Gasp)

[Laura] I was testing you.

We're so broke and I didn't
know if you were ready to be

a father.

- But I love you. I--
[Mal] - Wait a minute. What?

[Laura] I met that other guy who
said he was Jake Doyle, and I

just I thought that maybe I
could work him for a little

money. It was stupid, I know.

And then I found you guys, his
parents, and then you guys just

turned out to be so nice, I
just couldn't keep it up.

[Jake] You don't know it yet, but,
uh, little girl, you dodged

a serious bullet here.

[Rose] So, you two
are con artists.

[Laura] No. No. No, it's not like that.
I'm doing my master's

in psychology. Look, times are
tough, cash-wise, and, uh, I

just, uh-- I just went for it.

[Rose] Okay.

[Laura] It's over now.
I am so, so sorry to have troubled you.

[Leslie] Sorry to interrupt, but
Jake said it was important?

[Mal] Okay, uh, why don't we, um...
All...

[Jake] You should probably
take your baby back.

(Laughs)

[Freddie] Yeah, sorry
about before.

[Jake] No problem, and
congratulations.

[Leslie] You know what?

You might not be so bad at
it, the whole dad thing.

What'd you want me
to come over for?

[Jake] Right.

I have a, um... a gift.

[♪]

[Leslie] Where'd you get this?

[Jake] It was from Logan.
I have a sworn statement from him. I

mean, I know he's a fugitive, but
still, he swears that that's

the RNC's missing $20,000.

[Leslie] A sworn statement?

Did you find him?

[Jake] No. I didn't see Logan.

If I did, I would have obviously
turned him into you. He just--

He left that here for me.

[Leslie] Jake, I
can't submit this.

[Jake] Leslie, you have to trust me, alright?
Sergeant meathead

is trying to pin this missing money on you.
Just return it.

It's legit. You'll be free.

[Leslie] Alright. Thanks.
And, uh, by the way, um, I'm glad

you're not dead.

[Jake] Me too.

[Leslie] And...
Try not to knock anybody else up... yet.

[Jake] You always know
the right thing to say.

(Door shutting)