Reno 911! (2003–2009): Season 7, Episode 7 - Space Force - full transcript
Lieutenant Dangle is shown engaging in extracurriculars. Meanwhile, Officers Jones and Johnson search a storage locker to serve a warrant.
- OFFICER: [on radio] 630 to 90, 10-4.
[indistinct] ...56 at this time...
- Dangle, James Ron?
- Yes, sir! Sir, yes, sir!
- Yeah!
- My privilege to tell you
you've made it to the finals in the trials
of the US Space Force?
- Sir, yes, sir!
- Cadet, you are gonna be tip of the spear
on the sixth branch of the US military.
What is that branch?
- US Space Force, sir!
- It's time to prove it with some sweat!
- Sweat's out!
- Sweat!
- There's actually a tremendous amount of
sweat inside this diaper right now, sir.
- Good to hear. Good to hear.
- Thank you, sir.
Sir, I wish I had not
had that burrito, sir.
- Meteor shower!
- No!
- Yeah, watch out! Coming in!
- Ow! Ow!
[gunshot]
[gunshot]
- Thank you, sir.
- Ha-ha!
Ow! Ooh, it's so cold! It's so cold!
- It's a comet!
Are you out?
[both laugh]
- I've no idea why we're doing this.
I mean, this could happen?
- In space, a lot.
- We need to serve a warrant.
Someone skipped bail.
We know he owns this locker.
So we're here looking for clues.
- JONES: Let's go.
- Do it!
Sheriff's Department!
You know, I have thought about
doing this myself
because my association fees
have gotten insane.
Ooh, hello!
- Holy shit!
[both laugh]
Oh, my God! All right.
- Sometimes this happens and...
Found property.
- Yeah. We don't have to talk about that?
Look at this. Look at that.
- You know what? I...
- It's a beautiful wreath.
- It's not as pretty
as the one you made me.
- I love making...
I love making wreaths during Christmas.
- Yeah.
[both gasp]
- Oh, my God!
[both exclaim]
Oh, my God! Yes, let it rain on you.
Let it rain all over...
- All right, we're on camera.
- Okay. Okay, good.
- We're cool, right?
- Hold on.
- Everybody be cool. okay?
Do you want a little? Just...
- There's more where that came from
if you shut the hell up!
- Let's just be cool, everyone.
I can start my business.
My berry business. - Hold on.
- You know the business
I've told you about
where I like to make berries for hats?
- Yes.
- For women?
I can start that now.
- Jonesy?
- Oh, my God!
- I want this for you.
I want this for you.
- I want this for me, too.
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah!
Yes! Yes!
Sleep in the rain, baby.
Sleep in the rain!
- Oh, my God!
- [screams]
Party favors!
Yeah, take it. Yeah, it's fine.
It's fine.
We're not gonna...
- Just be cool. Just be cool.
Do you know how fucking hot
you are rich?
Do you?
Do you?
- I'm becoming the woman
I was always meant to be.
- When he announced Space Force,
Dangle wrote, like,
17 letters to Mike Pence.
And we set this up for him.
He thinks he's at a tryout.
- We ended up finding this guy
who by trade, he's a ventriloquist
over at Circus Circus,
to play the "Commander" of Space Force.
- So this is our date night?
- This is work. This is work stuff.
- This...
- Come on. He's a sad old man. Come on!
- Soldier, you're going good.
One more hour.
This stuff's perfect
for the Rings of Saturn.
- Sir, yes, sir!
- Rings of Saturn!
- I don't think we've ever
seen him this happy.
Thank you so much, man.
- It's my pleasure, man.
This is why I'm in show business.
Make people happy.
This is all good for me. It's good.
I juggle.
I actually have a whole act. I can juggle.
If there's any reason
you guys need a juggler...
And I can swallow fire.
- So again, we have six bags
full of cash.
Two for each of us, if you shut up.
- Don't fucking blow this for us, OK?
- Don't blow this.
- We all fake our deaths,
and we all meet each other in Seattle.
- Or we don't know each other forever.
That's fine too.
More money, more money, more money...
[screams] Holy fuck!
- JONES: [screaming] Oh! Oh!
- No! No! No! No! No!
What the... Stay! Stay! Stay!
- Hey! Stay! Stay!
- How did I get in this bag, man?
- Um...
- That's...
- I don't know.
- Oh, my God, you guys found
my counterfeit money.
Uh-huh. - Oh.
- JIM: Good morning.
- ALL: Good morning.
- Guess who' s going back again
for Space Force Double Finals?
Next week, I am to report
to the Truckee Water Park.
I bring $300 cash, and a fresh diaper.
- JONES: All right, Jim.
- MAN: All right.
- Yeah!
- Going places.
- Good for you.
- Everybody said I couldn't do it!
[indistinct] ...56 at this time...
- Dangle, James Ron?
- Yes, sir! Sir, yes, sir!
- Yeah!
- My privilege to tell you
you've made it to the finals in the trials
of the US Space Force?
- Sir, yes, sir!
- Cadet, you are gonna be tip of the spear
on the sixth branch of the US military.
What is that branch?
- US Space Force, sir!
- It's time to prove it with some sweat!
- Sweat's out!
- Sweat!
- There's actually a tremendous amount of
sweat inside this diaper right now, sir.
- Good to hear. Good to hear.
- Thank you, sir.
Sir, I wish I had not
had that burrito, sir.
- Meteor shower!
- No!
- Yeah, watch out! Coming in!
- Ow! Ow!
[gunshot]
[gunshot]
- Thank you, sir.
- Ha-ha!
Ow! Ooh, it's so cold! It's so cold!
- It's a comet!
Are you out?
[both laugh]
- I've no idea why we're doing this.
I mean, this could happen?
- In space, a lot.
- We need to serve a warrant.
Someone skipped bail.
We know he owns this locker.
So we're here looking for clues.
- JONES: Let's go.
- Do it!
Sheriff's Department!
You know, I have thought about
doing this myself
because my association fees
have gotten insane.
Ooh, hello!
- Holy shit!
[both laugh]
Oh, my God! All right.
- Sometimes this happens and...
Found property.
- Yeah. We don't have to talk about that?
Look at this. Look at that.
- You know what? I...
- It's a beautiful wreath.
- It's not as pretty
as the one you made me.
- I love making...
I love making wreaths during Christmas.
- Yeah.
[both gasp]
- Oh, my God!
[both exclaim]
Oh, my God! Yes, let it rain on you.
Let it rain all over...
- All right, we're on camera.
- Okay. Okay, good.
- We're cool, right?
- Hold on.
- Everybody be cool. okay?
Do you want a little? Just...
- There's more where that came from
if you shut the hell up!
- Let's just be cool, everyone.
I can start my business.
My berry business. - Hold on.
- You know the business
I've told you about
where I like to make berries for hats?
- Yes.
- For women?
I can start that now.
- Jonesy?
- Oh, my God!
- I want this for you.
I want this for you.
- I want this for me, too.
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah!
Yes! Yes!
Sleep in the rain, baby.
Sleep in the rain!
- Oh, my God!
- [screams]
Party favors!
Yeah, take it. Yeah, it's fine.
It's fine.
We're not gonna...
- Just be cool. Just be cool.
Do you know how fucking hot
you are rich?
Do you?
Do you?
- I'm becoming the woman
I was always meant to be.
- When he announced Space Force,
Dangle wrote, like,
17 letters to Mike Pence.
And we set this up for him.
He thinks he's at a tryout.
- We ended up finding this guy
who by trade, he's a ventriloquist
over at Circus Circus,
to play the "Commander" of Space Force.
- So this is our date night?
- This is work. This is work stuff.
- This...
- Come on. He's a sad old man. Come on!
- Soldier, you're going good.
One more hour.
This stuff's perfect
for the Rings of Saturn.
- Sir, yes, sir!
- Rings of Saturn!
- I don't think we've ever
seen him this happy.
Thank you so much, man.
- It's my pleasure, man.
This is why I'm in show business.
Make people happy.
This is all good for me. It's good.
I juggle.
I actually have a whole act. I can juggle.
If there's any reason
you guys need a juggler...
And I can swallow fire.
- So again, we have six bags
full of cash.
Two for each of us, if you shut up.
- Don't fucking blow this for us, OK?
- Don't blow this.
- We all fake our deaths,
and we all meet each other in Seattle.
- Or we don't know each other forever.
That's fine too.
More money, more money, more money...
[screams] Holy fuck!
- JONES: [screaming] Oh! Oh!
- No! No! No! No! No!
What the... Stay! Stay! Stay!
- Hey! Stay! Stay!
- How did I get in this bag, man?
- Um...
- That's...
- I don't know.
- Oh, my God, you guys found
my counterfeit money.
Uh-huh. - Oh.
- JIM: Good morning.
- ALL: Good morning.
- Guess who' s going back again
for Space Force Double Finals?
Next week, I am to report
to the Truckee Water Park.
I bring $300 cash, and a fresh diaper.
- JONES: All right, Jim.
- MAN: All right.
- Yeah!
- Going places.
- Good for you.
- Everybody said I couldn't do it!