Reno 911! (2003–2009): Season 7, Episode 11 - Lil' Primo - full transcript
Wiegel and Williams visit the hospital to collect a statement.
[brakes screeching]
[grunts]
[continues grunting]
- [siren blaring]
- [indistinct radio chatter]
[grunting]
[dogs barking in the distance]
[exclaiming]
[radio chatter]
[helicopter blades whirring]
[grunts, exclaims]
[panting]
- Oh, God! Hey, kid.
Out of the pool.
Or do you live here?
Shit. I'm in the wrong place.
[indistinct radio chatter]
- Sheriff's Department.
- Sheriff's Department.
- Sheriff's Department.
- Somebody call 911?
- Sheriff's Department!
- Hello?
We got a call out here
to the expediting facility, a 911 call.
We actually had to trace it
because they hung up,
it was real crackly.
- Sir? Uh, did you call...
- JIM: Hey, Travis?
- Sir? Sir!
- Hey, Travis? Travis?
Hey, man, don't...
Don't leave me here, man.
[gasping]
- Jesus, you scared the hell out of me.
- Oh, my God.
Were you... Were you with us
the whole time?
- I came in the car with you.
- You were in the car?
- But I got lost.
- Oh, yeah. You were in the back
of the car, sorry.
- TRAVIS: Why is it so cold in here?
- [stutters] Hey, the sheriffs are here.
Somebody called!
- TRUDY: Sir?
- Sir?
- JIM: Sir?
- Sir, did you...
Did you call? Do you need help?
Did someone here call 911?
- Excuse me!
- JIM: [gasps, sighs]
- Who are you?
And why are you talking to my people?
They have work to do.
- ALL: [stuttering]
- Thank God.
- Uh... sorry. Are you in charge here?
- Yes, I am very much in charge here.
- Hello. Reno Sheriff's Department.
- TRAVIS: [sighs, chuckles]
- I don't like the sound of that at all.
Reno Sheriff's Department?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- What are you doing here?
- The 911 Center tells us,
"Hey, we got this weird sort of a...
weird, whispery call."
And then we had to trace it.
And actually
the number came back to here.
- I don't understand how that would happen
because we jam communications
within a five-mile radius of here.
So I don't know why that would be?
- [stutters] So you're all right?
- Everything's fine.
Absolutely, everything!
Everything is more than fine here.
- Well...
- Everybody here is happy.
- That's a relief.
- If there were a medical emergency,
we have a doctor here.
And he's doing really interesting things.
- Mind if we look around?
- I do mind if you look around.
I... Of course, I mind if you look around.
Why would anyone say, "Yes, certainly.
Poke around, see what you can find
that you don't like"?
- So your name...
- Yeah. My name...
[stutters] What do you want it to be?
Let's say Neil Fischer, how 'bout that?
- That felt very much like you just...
- TRAVIS: Neil Fischer? F-I-S...
- That just felt like you threw a...
- Dan Stevens?
Can I ask you, by they way,
how would you describe
the voice of the person
that contacted 911?
- JIM: Um... It sounded like... [sighs]
- TRUDY: Uh...
- Mid 60s, lady...
- Yeah.
- Terrified. Terrified.
- Terrified. Little asthmatic.
- OK, did she have trouble with her "R" s?
- She did. She did.
- Yeah! She did.
- Thank you very much,
we're gonna take care of this.
- Great. OK.
- OK.
♪
- Raineesha and I are on duty
here at the hospital.
We're supposed to hang out
and wait for this guy
to wake up from his coma,
uh, so we can take his statement,
and then take him off to jail.
- Yep.
- He's some kind of... gangster guy.
I'm assuming, because his name
apparently is "Lil Primo" Vasquez.
- Some flowers for Mr. Vasquez.
- [exclaims] Oh!
- Thank you!
- You see how he looked at you?
- I know.
- You probably could pull that one.
- Did you see how I kinda went...
[mumbling] like that?
I kinda smushed my boobs together
but I don't think it worked.
Because he left real fast.
- Let me see... What did you do?
Do it again.
Oh. Yeah. Mmm.
- This guy must really be
somebody important.
You don't just send a rhododendron
willy-nilly.
- Hello! We got another one.
- You can just put 'em over there.
- OK. I can trust you with this, right?
- Totally.
- RAINEESHA: [chuckling]
- I shouldn't have done that.
Don't touch. Don't touch, 'cause it's his.
He might wake up any time.
- He ain't gonna wake...
- Mr. Primo!
- See?
- Oh. I know what this is. This is wine.
[whispering] If they come...
and they see this,
we'll just tell them that we think
he's been peeing a little bit of blood.
Oh, I like wine.
- RAINEESHA: [smacking lips]
- Mmm!
He's... Could be like a...
- NURSE: Knock-knock, coming in.
- Come on in.
I was just picking something up
off the floor over here.
- Got some more candles. OK.
- That's fine. You can just put 'em here.
- RAINEESHA: OK.
- Let me know if you need anything.
- I feel like we've really earned this.
You know, yesterday,
I had to work for four hours?
- Oh, smell this. Smell this.
- Mmm, mmm, mmm!
[exclaims] Ooh!
- Smell good, right? Uh-uh, uh, uh!
- What?
[gasps] - RAINEESHA: What is it?
- You can only get this at Christmas time.
God, it's honey baked!
- You can't eat that whole ham.
- How are my two favorite ladies doing?
- BOTH: Ohh!
- I think you're gonna like this one.
- RAINEESHA: Uh-huh?
- Yeah, we got some potpourri!
Actually, mind if I take this?
- You can take whatever you...
- [snickers] Help yourself.
- Help yourself.
- My husband's gonna love it.
- God damn!
- And then I found out
that the only reason
he even invited me to the dance
was because he needed a kidney!
- Flowers for Mr. Little Primo Vasquez.
- Yeah. Uh, that's the guy.
- From my primo.
- [muffled gunshots]
- [machine flat lining]
[clattering]
- RAINEESHA: [grunts]
[clearing throat]
What's going on? What'd I miss?
[grunts]
[continues grunting]
- [siren blaring]
- [indistinct radio chatter]
[grunting]
[dogs barking in the distance]
[exclaiming]
[radio chatter]
[helicopter blades whirring]
[grunts, exclaims]
[panting]
- Oh, God! Hey, kid.
Out of the pool.
Or do you live here?
Shit. I'm in the wrong place.
[indistinct radio chatter]
- Sheriff's Department.
- Sheriff's Department.
- Sheriff's Department.
- Somebody call 911?
- Sheriff's Department!
- Hello?
We got a call out here
to the expediting facility, a 911 call.
We actually had to trace it
because they hung up,
it was real crackly.
- Sir? Uh, did you call...
- JIM: Hey, Travis?
- Sir? Sir!
- Hey, Travis? Travis?
Hey, man, don't...
Don't leave me here, man.
[gasping]
- Jesus, you scared the hell out of me.
- Oh, my God.
Were you... Were you with us
the whole time?
- I came in the car with you.
- You were in the car?
- But I got lost.
- Oh, yeah. You were in the back
of the car, sorry.
- TRAVIS: Why is it so cold in here?
- [stutters] Hey, the sheriffs are here.
Somebody called!
- TRUDY: Sir?
- Sir?
- JIM: Sir?
- Sir, did you...
Did you call? Do you need help?
Did someone here call 911?
- Excuse me!
- JIM: [gasps, sighs]
- Who are you?
And why are you talking to my people?
They have work to do.
- ALL: [stuttering]
- Thank God.
- Uh... sorry. Are you in charge here?
- Yes, I am very much in charge here.
- Hello. Reno Sheriff's Department.
- TRAVIS: [sighs, chuckles]
- I don't like the sound of that at all.
Reno Sheriff's Department?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- What are you doing here?
- The 911 Center tells us,
"Hey, we got this weird sort of a...
weird, whispery call."
And then we had to trace it.
And actually
the number came back to here.
- I don't understand how that would happen
because we jam communications
within a five-mile radius of here.
So I don't know why that would be?
- [stutters] So you're all right?
- Everything's fine.
Absolutely, everything!
Everything is more than fine here.
- Well...
- Everybody here is happy.
- That's a relief.
- If there were a medical emergency,
we have a doctor here.
And he's doing really interesting things.
- Mind if we look around?
- I do mind if you look around.
I... Of course, I mind if you look around.
Why would anyone say, "Yes, certainly.
Poke around, see what you can find
that you don't like"?
- So your name...
- Yeah. My name...
[stutters] What do you want it to be?
Let's say Neil Fischer, how 'bout that?
- That felt very much like you just...
- TRAVIS: Neil Fischer? F-I-S...
- That just felt like you threw a...
- Dan Stevens?
Can I ask you, by they way,
how would you describe
the voice of the person
that contacted 911?
- JIM: Um... It sounded like... [sighs]
- TRUDY: Uh...
- Mid 60s, lady...
- Yeah.
- Terrified. Terrified.
- Terrified. Little asthmatic.
- OK, did she have trouble with her "R" s?
- She did. She did.
- Yeah! She did.
- Thank you very much,
we're gonna take care of this.
- Great. OK.
- OK.
♪
- Raineesha and I are on duty
here at the hospital.
We're supposed to hang out
and wait for this guy
to wake up from his coma,
uh, so we can take his statement,
and then take him off to jail.
- Yep.
- He's some kind of... gangster guy.
I'm assuming, because his name
apparently is "Lil Primo" Vasquez.
- Some flowers for Mr. Vasquez.
- [exclaims] Oh!
- Thank you!
- You see how he looked at you?
- I know.
- You probably could pull that one.
- Did you see how I kinda went...
[mumbling] like that?
I kinda smushed my boobs together
but I don't think it worked.
Because he left real fast.
- Let me see... What did you do?
Do it again.
Oh. Yeah. Mmm.
- This guy must really be
somebody important.
You don't just send a rhododendron
willy-nilly.
- Hello! We got another one.
- You can just put 'em over there.
- OK. I can trust you with this, right?
- Totally.
- RAINEESHA: [chuckling]
- I shouldn't have done that.
Don't touch. Don't touch, 'cause it's his.
He might wake up any time.
- He ain't gonna wake...
- Mr. Primo!
- See?
- Oh. I know what this is. This is wine.
[whispering] If they come...
and they see this,
we'll just tell them that we think
he's been peeing a little bit of blood.
Oh, I like wine.
- RAINEESHA: [smacking lips]
- Mmm!
He's... Could be like a...
- NURSE: Knock-knock, coming in.
- Come on in.
I was just picking something up
off the floor over here.
- Got some more candles. OK.
- That's fine. You can just put 'em here.
- RAINEESHA: OK.
- Let me know if you need anything.
- I feel like we've really earned this.
You know, yesterday,
I had to work for four hours?
- Oh, smell this. Smell this.
- Mmm, mmm, mmm!
[exclaims] Ooh!
- Smell good, right? Uh-uh, uh, uh!
- What?
[gasps] - RAINEESHA: What is it?
- You can only get this at Christmas time.
God, it's honey baked!
- You can't eat that whole ham.
- How are my two favorite ladies doing?
- BOTH: Ohh!
- I think you're gonna like this one.
- RAINEESHA: Uh-huh?
- Yeah, we got some potpourri!
Actually, mind if I take this?
- You can take whatever you...
- [snickers] Help yourself.
- Help yourself.
- My husband's gonna love it.
- God damn!
- And then I found out
that the only reason
he even invited me to the dance
was because he needed a kidney!
- Flowers for Mr. Little Primo Vasquez.
- Yeah. Uh, that's the guy.
- From my primo.
- [muffled gunshots]
- [machine flat lining]
[clattering]
- RAINEESHA: [grunts]
[clearing throat]
What's going on? What'd I miss?