Relic Hunter (1999–2002): Season 2, Episode 8 - Roman Holiday - full transcript

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

MAN: Hail, Caesar.

Alchemist, let me see it.

Hm. Does it have the power?

Great Caesar,
with this breastplate,
you will be invincible.

No living man can slay
the one who wears it.

How confident
are you of this?

I will stake
my life on it.

And, so you shall.

Hmm?
Put it on.

You have done
well, Alchemist.



There are still a few
adjustments remaining,
Caesar.

Very well.
Finish them.

And, bring the armor
to my home this evening.

SYDNEY: [GRUNTS]

What were
the last two numbers?

Seventeen and three,
I think.

You think?
Well, I'm sorry.

It was a little difficult
to understand
with him speaking

Spanish and dying
at the same time.

And, not to mention
the gunfire.

I guess I'll have
to give it a shot.

Sorry.

[GUNFIRE]

NIGEL: We're out
of the line of fire.



They've stopped
shooting.

MAN: This way.
In here.

NIGEL:
They're in
the building.

MAN: Quickly,
quickly.

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hello?
Hey, it's me.

Claudia, this
is not the time.

Look, it's
important.

Claud...
[BANGING ON DOOR]

Hi, Syd, it's Roger.

I think I found a guy
who can decode
the Alchemist text.

That's great, can we talk
about this another time?
[POUNDING CONTINUES]

No, I... I got to get a
flight out to Rome today.

I need to take
the pages with me.

Then have Claudia
give them to you.

Thanks.

So, you going to take
a little time off
before you come back?

It doesn't look
like it.

[POUNDING CONTINUES]

Here they are.
All Greek to me.

Actually, it's most likely
a variation of Latin,

but, with transpositions
of key letters based on
a mathematical formula.

Based on
alchemical principles
of transformation.

I love it when
you talk that way.

Caesar's breastplate.

Amazing.

Do you realize it was
supposed to make any man
who wore it invincible?

I thought Caesar
was murdered.

Yeah, unfortunately Brutus
and his accomplices
struck him down

before the breastplate
was delivered.

Bummer.

Yeah. Do you have
something we
could put them in?

Oh, yeah, um...
Yeah, right here.

Perfect.
You're so great.

Really? What aspect of me
do you like best?

[LAUGHS] Well, if I had a little
more time we could
discuss it over dinner,

but, I have a 6 PM
flight to Rome.

Well, I always carry my
passport. And, I love pasta.

[LAUGHS]

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING
IN THE DISTANCE]

[BOTH PANTING]

You wouldn't happen
to have a canister
of oxygen, would you?

I've never seen you
run that fast.

I've never been so
highly motivated.

MAN:
They came this way.

There is someone.

Who were you talking
to, anyway?

Roger Penrose. He wanted
the Caesar text to take
to a cryptographer in Rome.

You did remember that
I sent the last two pages

for carbon date
testing, didn't you?

They're still at
the science department.

[GROANS]
I completely forgot.

The text will be
useless without it.
I better call him.

Now?

[DIALING]

I can get the pages,
but, Roger's probably already
at the airport.

I'll have to take them
to him there.

I'm sure he'll
appreciate it. A lot.

Yeah, okay. Go...
Go give it to him.

MAN: I thought
they came this way.

All right then. [WHISPERING]
Look, I'll call you later.
Syd...

[GROANS]

MAN: [IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[ANNOUNCEMENT ON PA]
Flight 296 to Rome
is now boarding at gate A-12.

All passengers please...

Ticket?
No, I'm not
getting on the plane.

Just wanna know if
Professor Penrose has already
boarded the flight to Rome?

I'm sorry, we're not
allowed to give out any
information about passengers.

So you're saying he
is a passenger?
I'm not saying that.

So you're saying
he's not a passenger?
I'm not saying that either.

Then what are you saying?
I'm not saying
anything, dear.

Next.

There is no next.
Exactly.

[PANTING]

MAN: Stop!

[ANNOUNCEMENT ON PA]
Passenger Neil Foster
to baggage claim, please.

MAN:
Boarding pass?

Thank you, sir.
Boarding pass, please.

Excuse me.

What now?
I've got to talk to that man
who just went through security.

I'm sorry,
but, only passengers
are allowed past that point.

But, I've got something
to give to Professor Penrose.
It goes with what's in the tube.

All right, well
let's have a look. Maybe
I'll take it to him.

No, not to him.
He's not
Professor Penrose.

He's got
Professor Penrose's tube.

Why? I don't know.
But, I'd like to know.

You realize you make
absolutely no sense, dear?

Okay, let me explain.

The man who just
went through the machine
is not Professor Penrose,

but, he's got
Professor Penrose's tube.

Now, Professor Penrose never
lets anyone else have the tube

because he knows
how valuable it is.

And, where is
Professor Penrose

and where is that man going
with Professor Penrose's tube?

Never mind, I'll just
call Sydney. She'll know
what to do.

NIGEL: Ooh!

MAN: This way.

I know they came
this way, I swear it.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

MAN:
They are here,
I tell you.

[CELL PHONE
CONTINUES RINGING]

Any seats left
on the flight to Rome?

How nice
to see you again.

Just a minute.

No, we're all full.

Oh.

Actually, there is one seat
available. In first class.

[ANNOUNCEMENT ON PA]
Final boarding call
for flight 296 to Rome

now boarding at gate A-12.

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

That's Spanish,
it's not Italian.

Oh.

Do you speak English?

Yes.

Sorry. Um...

Well, I couldn't help but
overhearing where
you were going.

And, well... You know,
it's really close
to where I'm going.

Oh, where is that?

Uh, the hotel near the...
The pizza del... pop...
Where you're going.

What a coincidence.
Enjoy your time in Rome.

Oh, but, there's no taxis.
And, I'm in
a really big hurry.

Well, you shouldn't be
in a hurry in Rome, okay?

Wait, um...
I was thinking maybe we
could share a taxi.

You know,
you and me.
Together.

Or, is what I hear about
Italian men all wrong?

[LAUGHS]
Oh, all right then.
Where's your luggage?

Uh, I don't have any.

None at all?
No.

Um, I like to shop.

Whenever I travel
it's always first class.

And, I always buy
everything new.
It's more fun that way.

What's that, then?

Um... My shopping list.

Thanks.

CLAUDIA:
So what do you do?

I run my own
business.

Oh, that's
very interesting.

I thought maybe
you were an architect.

Why?

That tube there.
It looks like it might contain
blueprints or, something.

But, I guess not.
No.

No.
So what do you do?

I'm a secretary.
And, on a secretary's
salary, you uh...

You fly around the
world to go shopping?

My daddy gives me
an allowance.

Oh, wow. He's
a nice daddy, eh?

Yeah.

Well, you know what?
If you excuse me, I have
to catch 30 winks, okay?

Forty. Forty winks.
Huh?

Well, I suppose you could
say 30 if you weren't going
to sleep for very long, but...

Okay.

Now that the eye
of the Quetzalcoatl
is back where it belongs,

you know what I'm going
to do this weekend?

What?
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.

And, when I'm done
doing nothing, I'm going
to do some more nothing.

Sounds good to me.

Oh, Claudia didn't
pick up the mail.

The door's locked.
The lights are on.

Claudia?

Claudia?

Hmm.

I wonder where she is.

Strange, there are a dozen
messages on the machine.

Maybe she's sick.

I'll try calling
her at home.

[PHONE RINGING]

There are ticket's here
for that band she's
always talking about.

They were dated
for last night.

No answer at her house.
It's not like her
not to leave a note.

Where could she be?

Wow, look the Colosseum.
All lit up.

I've seen it before.

Oh yeah. I suppose
you would have.

It's a shame half
of it's missing.

DEAN WORMER:
Sydney!
You're back.

Dean Wormer.

You'll be happy to know
that the eye of Quetzalcoatl

is safely back in the hands
of Senor Perez of Cartagena.

Is something
the matter?

Do you know
where Claudia is?

As a matter of fact, no.
Why are you looking for her?

I'm not.
The police are.

The police?

Something to do
with Roger Penrose.

Yes, Claudia was helping him
with a project
we were working on.

Well, according to
the police, Roger penrose's
appointment book

lists his last meeting with
her here at the university.

He was here yesterday.
He should be in Rome by now.

I don't think so.

The police found his body
this morning at the airport.

He was murdered.

Where do you want
the cab to take you?

Oh no, no, it's fine.
I'm staying really
close to here.

I can just walk.

Thanks for being
so kind.

Wow, it's lovely.
Do you own or, rent?

I mean, I... I assume
that you live here.

Americans are very
inquisitive, eh?

Just a quirky,
little habit of mine.

I hope you don't
think it's rude.

Yeah, well, I hope you
enjoy your time in Rome.

Thanks. Thanks again
for the ride.

Oh, um...
Look.

There's a really good
explanation for all this.

Yes?

Um... Jet lag?

No.

Her father called,
wanting to know
what's going on.

Do you know how much money
he donates to this university
every year?

I'm really not concerned
with how much money
he donates, sir.

I'm concerned with Claudia.
What does her father know?

Did the police call him?

No, but, he's had a call
from his bank about the
credit card he lets her use.

They wanted to know
if he'd authorized
a first class ticket to Rome.

Did you tell Claudia
to go to Rome?

No.
Then what's she
doing there?

I have no idea.

Sydney, she's
your employee.

You have a responsibility
to keep an eye on her.

Her father
expects us to.

To keep a better track
of her than he does?

In all due respect, sir,
Claudia is a responsible,
mature adult.

Well, I mean...

Look, I'm sorry.
But, her father's a man who's
used to getting his own way.

And, he never stops
reminding me about
how much he donates.

Underneath all that,
he just wants to know
that his daughter is safe.

Now, what can you do?

Rome is a big city.
How are we going
to find her Claudia?

Well, the last conversation
I had with her,

she was taking the
Alchemist text to Penrose.

Now Penrose is dead.
I think we have
to follow that lead.

The text?

Yeah, who would want
the pages so badly?

Who would kill to get
Caesar's breastplate?

I think I know
where to start.
Vittorio.

He's a policeman?

No, he's a crook.

Well, he's more
of a rogue.

But, he knows everything
about the antiquities
black market.

If she's just gone on impulse
to top off her Prada collection,
I will be very annoyed.

Look, I swear I thought
this was my friend's place.

Really? And, do you
always climb over
your friend's fences?

Uh, well...

That... That's just
a little game
that we play.

Okay. You look nervous.
I'm going to get you
a drink.

Thanks.

Just something
diet, please.

There you go.
Thanks.

Mm... Mm...

Mm... Mm...

Oh...

Do you have tornadoes
here in Rome?

No.

Oh.

Then I must be
really, really drunk.
[CHUCKLES]

[PHONE RINGS]

Nico, how fast
can you get here?

NIGEL:
Syd,how much
further is it?

[OPERA MUSIC PLAYING]

[EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN]

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

Beautiful.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
[EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE]

Sydney, ciao. Bella.
What are you doing in Rome?

Vittorio, my associate
Nigel Bailey.

[BOTH GREET IN ITALIAN]

Sydney, come with me. I want
to show you what I'm working.

There it is.
I've been working on it for
quite some time now, Sydney.

What's it supposed to be?

It's supposed to
be Herod's sword.

Not your best work,
Vittorio.

Well, I'm not finished.

It needs a little aging.
You'll see.

Vittorio, I need your help.
And, it's urgent.

So what is the problem?

Have you heard of a text
written in code
by the Alchemist

who created
a breastplate
for Caesar?

Of course.
Supposedly it would
make him invincible.

Well, a colleague of mine
thought he had found someone
who could decode it.

Now he's been murdered,
and my assistant is missing.

We have reason to
believe she came to Rome.
But, that's all we know.

If this breastplate exists,
then the person
who finds it

will be able to sell
it for millions of dollars.

Sydney, if we three
find it, we could...
Split the money?

Right now I'm only interested
in finding my assistant.

Now, who would want this
breastplate? Who would have
the interest and the money?

I know of many,
but, only one in Rome
who could afford it.

Who would that be?

That would be
Count Raphael Onofore.

His collection of
Caesarian artifacts is superior
to that of any museums.

And, he's also one
of the richest men
in Europe.

He's chased the legend
of the breastplate before,
but, with no success.

You know everyone.
Can you get us
an introduction?

Sydney, no one sees
the Count unless the Count
wants to see them.

I could try, but, it would...
It would take time.

We don't have time.

The only thing I can
think of is the Count's
monthly Ides party.

Ides party?

Yes, today
is the fifteenth.

The fifteenth of every month
the Count has a big party
with entertainment.

But, it's by
invitation only.

You have to get us in.

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

I might be able to
arrange something.

Tell me, Sydney,
how good are you
with Roman weapons?

Huh?

[CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]

[CLAPS HANDS]

Friends, Romans, Countrymen.

[ALL LAUGHING]

We will have our usual
entertainment tonight,
with a difference.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Calpurnia.

The first
woman gladiator.

[ALL GASP AND APPLAUD]

You could have just tried
making an appointment.

Calpurnia has dared
to challenge our
reigning champion.

At least it's not some guy
who knows of your
flashy tricks.

[SHUSHES]

I give you Judicus.

All 6 feet 8 inches.

[ALL CHATTERING]

Well, the bigger they are,
the harder they fall, right?

My friends, as the
great Caesar, I wish
to keep you entertained.

And, as the ancient Romans,
you are easily bored.

[ALL CHATTERING]

You've seen these fights
before. But, tonight, we
introduce a new element.

Tonight it will be
a battle to the death.

[CROWD GASPS]
[COUNT LAUGHS]

Ay?

Oh.
Are they authentic?

They appear to be.

But, until I can do
the actual translations...

I must take
these with me.

I have all my references
in my office.

How long will
it take?

They will be done
by midnight.

[BOTH SPEAK IN ITALIAN]

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

You know, I thought I would
be doing my translations

for Professor Penrose.

I hope he will not
be angry with me.
He's not going to mind, okay?

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
Okay.

Go.

[GRUNTING]

[ALL CHEERING]

NIGEL: Syd.

[EXCLAIMS]

[ALL APPLAUDING]

Thumbs up or, thumbs
down, my friends?

ALL: Down. Down. Down.

Although the audience is
cruel, I believe that you,

like the great Caesar,
are merciful.

I would spare my most worthy
opponent in your honor,
Count Onofore.

Very well spoken,
my dear.

Very well, in my honor,
forgive him.

GUESTS:
[EXCLAIM IN DISAPPOINTMENT]

MAN: No...

Don't go away. I want
to speak to you later.

[GROANS]

[CHUCKLES] I get it.
We're playing a game.

Let's see what's behind
door number two.

Okay, I give up.
You win.

I'm not very good
at this game.

I trust you have
some good news for me.

The best.

[SPEAKS ITALIAN]

The translations, they're
going to be done by midnight.

And, I'm confident I'm going
to be able to deliver the
breastplate to you very soon.

Oh.

I have dreamed
of it all my life.

Your reward will be
beyond imagination.

The cryptographer,
can we trust him?

Nico? He's not a problem.
He's a frightened little man.

Sydney, I think some kind
of orgy's getting started.

[SHUSHES]

COUNT: There was
no other impedance?

There is a woman.
But, she's not going to be
a problem much longer.

They just mentioned a woman.
I think they're talking
about Claudia.

[DOOR OPENS]
[GASPS]

You wanted to see me?

Call me as soon as
you hear anything.

You were spectacular,
Calpurnia.

It was an honor to fight
for you, Count Onofore.

Who are you really?
Where did you learn
to fight like that?

I prefer to maintain
an air of mystery.

I believe men find that
more intriguing, no?

[LAUGHS]

Bravo. You're right.
Maybe you and I
could get together later.

[EXCLAIMS]
Nothing would give me
greater pleasure.

But, I'm afraid
I'm quite exhausted.

I prefer to return
when I am more energetic.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Ah, Sydney, success?

I appreciate you getting
us into the party, but...

But, what? I knew it,
I knew you were better
than Leo Brazzi.

Who?
What's he calling himself
this week, Judicus?

Count Onofore's
personal trainer.

Vittorio, there was a man
at the party. We think he
may know where Claudia is.

Unfortunately, we couldn't
follow him. But, he did
mention a name. Nico.

[SCOFFS]
There are many Nicos
in Rome, my friend.

This one's a cryptographer.
He's deciphering
the Alchemist text.

Ah, that would
be Nico Donati.
He is the best.

Then you know where
to find him?

Uh, not really.

You do, don't you?

Look, Sydney, I still have
to do business in this town.

I will stop at nothing
to get Claudia back,
do you understand me?

Si. Let me make
a call, okay? Please.

So, you did it?

A few difficult
phrases, but...

Okay. And, Caesar's breastplate
is buried at the catacombs?

According to the text.

This page...
is like a map.

Uh-huh.
It tells you exactly
where to turn left,

where to turn right to
get to the secret tomb.

You are pleased?
Oh, I am pleased.
I am pleased.

[THANKS IN ITALIAN]

But, this is only half.

Yeah, you're going to get
the second half when
I find the breastplate.

But, we had
an agreement.

Hey, you remember what
happened to your...

Your cousin Bernini
last month?

I will wait for your call.

You do that.

[PHONE BEEPING]

Hey.
[GROANS]

Hey, wake up there,
sleeping beauty.

Hey.
Is it time to
go to school?

No. Well, yeah, sure.
Okay, kind of.

It's time for you
to learn a lesson.
Mm... what happ--

[SHUSHES] Okay?
I'm going to take you
on a little trip.

Mm. Where are we going?

Um. We're going to go.
Go to a historic part
of Rome.

Oh... Sounds romantic.

Yeah.
Will I like it?

Oh, I hope so.
You're going to be there
a long time.

Oh.
Yeah.

Syd?

Don't you think we
ought to talk
about... It?

Talk about what?

Uh... About what happened.

What happened?

Well, you know...

Lips touching.
Our bodies...

pressing together.
There was no pressing
involved.

Were you pressing, Nigel?

No. No, not at all.
No, no. No pressing.
Absolutely not.

I mean, I...
I would never
even presume to press.

Sorry I
brought it up.

You really think people
will believe that
that's Herod's sword?

People will believe what
they want to believe.

But, I guarantee you I will
have buyers bidding against
one another for this piece.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

One second.

Ah, Nico, ciao.

Thank you very much
for coming at such
a later hour.

[CHUCKLES]
No problem. You mentioned
an emergency job? Extra pay?

[AGREES IN ITALIAN]

What's this about?

We're looking
for a young woman.
Her name's Claudia.

I don't know
any Claudia.

If you don't have
a job for me,
I must go.

Goodnight,
Vittorio.

Arrivederci,
America.

Let's start with who
hired you to translate the text
of Caesar's Alchemist, huh.

Alchemist? That's just
an old legend. I'm sure
there's nothing...

My friend Claudia
is in danger.

I don't have time
to play games with you,
you understand me?

I understand.
But, I don't know what
you're talking about.

Alchemists? Texts?
Claudia? I know nothing.

He doesn't
understand.

What are
you doing?

Nigel, help.
Yeah.

What is that?
A kiln.

[SCREAMS]

I lost something in there.
I was hoping you'd
help me find it.

What do you want
me to find?
Your memory.

[GASPS]
Stop. Let me go.
I remember.

[GASPS]

I did the translations for
a man named Gianni Piacci.

Did you have the
last two pages?

Yes, he gave me
the full text.

Then Gianni has Claudia.
Was there an American
woman there?

No. [SCREAMS]

Honest, I didn't see
anybody. I swear it.

Where do we find
this Gianni?

I think you will find him
at the catacombs.

The catacombs?
Why?

Because that's where
the breastplate
of Caesar is hidden.

GIANNI:
Around this corridor,

to the right way
towards lower archway.

Come on.
CLAUDIA: No.

No.

I don't want to be here.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ever
even got in that cab with you.

Let's go. Come on.
Keep walking.

My dad has
a lot of money.

I don't care
about that.

Well, I could call him.
He could...

He could send you some
money if you let me go.
No, come on now. Come on.

I think I twisted
my ankle.

Get up.
I can't. I need help.

[GROANS]

NIGEL: I never told her how
much I really like her.

We were always sparring,
but, deep down...

SYDNEY:
We'll find her.
She'll be fine.

NIGEL:
I know. I still wish
I'd said something.

SYDNEY:
Yeah, and you'll have your
chance when we find her.

[RUSTY CREAKING]

[LAUGHS]

SYDNEY:
Burial chambers
of roman soldiers.

Perhaps to guard
the spirit of an emperor
buried nearby.

Goodnight, my little
American secretary.

[SCREAMING]
Get me out...

That's Claudia.

Somebody help me.
Anybody. Please. Help.

NIGEL: She's close by.
SYDNEY: It sounded like it's
coming from down here.

[CLAUDIA SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

Gianni Piacci.

Is he wearing what
I think he's wearing?

Where's Claudia?

Stay away from the
breastplate, Nigel.

But, that's a legend.

[GASPS]

[LAUGHS]
The prophecy says that
no living man

can hurt the one who
wears the breastplate.
I guess that means women too.

GIANNI: [GROANS]

NIGEL: No living man can
kill the one who has
the breastplate of Caesar.

But, a dead
man could.

CLAUDIA:
Help me.
Somebody, please.

Claudia.

CLAUDIA:
Please help me.

SYDNEY:
It's coming from here.

CLAUDIA:
Get me out of here.

We're here, Claudia.
We'll get you out. Hold on.

This must be a lock.

NIGEL:
Watch your head.

Oh.

NIGEL: Hmm.

Hmm. Mm.

Well, Caesar's breastplate
will be the centerpiece
of the museum's collection.

And, heavily guarded.
They offered us
a million Lira reward.

Wow.
Well, I told them to give
it to a good cause.

But, we could have been
millionaires.

Claudia, a million Lira
is worth about 500 dollars.

Oh.

Nigel?

Don't you think this
is a good time
to say to Claudia

what you've always
been meaning to say?

Me?
Um... Well, I mean,
I don't know.

I mean, well...
You know?

Nigel likes you very much.
And, cares for you a great deal.

[GROANS IN DISGUST]
You don't have a
crush on me, do you?

Certainly not.
No, I just mean I'm
very fond of you in a...

Brotherly sort of way,
you know.

Nigel, that's great.

It is?
Yeah,

because it means
you can help me.

That's what friends
are for, right?

Help you what?

Well, you can Counter sign
my credit card application.

My dad took
my old one away.

Oh, I... Oh,
I just remembered
an important appointment.

Welcome back, Claudia.
I've just been on the phone
with your father.

He's a very
relieved man.

Unfortunately, not
relieved enough to give me
my credit card back.

And, Professor Fox,
you might just be hopping
a plane to Rome.

Really, why?

The university museum
has just been offered
an incredible find.

I want you to go there
and authenticate it.

What is it?

Herod's sword.

[COUGHS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]