Relic Hunter (1999–2002): Season 1, Episode 9 - The Book of Love - full transcript
Sydney and Nigel are in Milan, Italy to search for Casanova's lost Book of Love.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[SERENE INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING]
[CHUCKLES]
[MOANS]
[WOMAN LAUGHING]
[BOTH LAUGH]
Giacomo,
what are you doing?
I do not want
to forget the moment.
Oh, what is it
you are writing?
A manual on lovemaking.
Oh, can I see it?
Later, mi amore.
Right now, we have
work to do.
[MOANS]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[GASPS]
My husband.
My fiance.
Blasphemous fiend,
you have gone too far.
This time, we will turn you
over to the authorities.
[SCREAMS]
[YELLING]
Get him.
MAN: Don't let him get away.
MAN: Imbecile.
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
Good stroke.
Thanks.
What's going on?
I guess you
haven't heard the news.
Getting married?
No.
[MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO]
NIGEL: Roberto Gianini has
agreed to play with
the university's soccer team
tonight in
a charity fundraiser.
[HORN TOOTING]
[SPEAKS ITALIAN AND WHISTLES]
Right on.
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
[EXCLAIMS]
The Roberto Gianini.
Yeah. You have no idea
who that is, do you?
Not a clue.
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
NIGEL: He's on
a book-signing tour
of the United States
before going back
to Italy for the world cup.
President Morris convinced him
to play for us.
What's his book?
His autobiography,
Soccer's Casanova.
You're serious?
Apart from being a playboy,
he wants you to find
a book he believes
Casanova wrote,
his Book Of Love.
[WHISTLES]
Easy, easy.
You've got to be careful.
Are you who
I think you are?
Who do you think I am?
You know.
I'm afraid so.
Roberto Gianini.
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
God.
Grazie.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
President Morris, I would
hardly call Casanova's
Book Of Love a relic.
That's for starters.
As for him doing us a favor,
he's here promoting his book.
We're doing him a favor.
For you to volunteer
my services is
completely out of line.
No. I would not like to come
to your office to discuss this.
Why?
Because I'm not even
remotely interested
in helping some
egocentric soccer jock
load another
round of ammo in his--
I'll uh... get back to you.
[SIGHS]
You are more beautiful
than I was ever told.
So you are
a fan of Casanova's?
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
What do you know
about him?
What everyone else knows,
that he is the world's
greatest lover.
It would please me
more than anything
to find his legendary
Book Of Love.
I see. Why?
Excuse me, I don't understand.
Why do you want to find it?
It's basically a sex manual.
It's Casanova's sex manual.
How can anyone resist?
I certainly would.
Really? Are you sure?
Yes.
Really?
The book is
only legend, Roberto.
It probably
doesn't even exist.
Maybe. But if it does,
I'm sure you can find it.
Did you just hear
what I said?
My ears were not receiving.
I was consumed
with a stunning visual.
I have to be honest
with you, Roberto,
this relic
doesn't particularly
interest me.
Sydney, please.
I hate it when women
say no to me.
Uh-ha.
You'll get used to it.
PILOT: Currently, it's
7:55 a.m. in Milan.
Temperature
is 18 degree Celsius,
65 Fahrenheit.
This exhibition
of Casanova in Milano,
is going to show pieces
that are over a hundred
years old. Can you imagine?
No.
I'm sure you can, Sydney.
I really can't, Roberto.
Of course not.
[SIGHS] My manager's
not going to be pleased
with me at all.
I was supposed
to go home to do
one of those cake ads.
Cake?
You know, cake.
Beefcake.
Si, si. Go ahead, feel it.
That's okay.
It's very hard.
I'm sure it is.
I work with weights,
you know.
Great.
Now, don't be afraid.
Touch it, feel it, do
what you like. Go ahead.
I'm sure it's very hard but
I just don't want to touch it.
I think you have
a problem with
intimacy, Sydney.
I do not have a problem
with intimacy,
I just don't want to touch it.
You know, Casanova's
autobiography is fascinating.
Oh! The history of my life.
That's right. You read it?
I read it.
You read it?
You didn't?
No.
Oh. What most people
don't realize about Casanova
was that
he was more than a ladies man.
He was a poet.
That's right.
An artist, a novelist,
a diplomat, even a spy.
Hmm.
He wasn't just
a great lover, he was
a philosopher about love.
Genuine love cannot
ever be seen,
the inscription
on the title page.
That's right.
[SIGHS]
[MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO]
[MEN CHATTERING IN ITALIAN]
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
Kate, what are you
doing here?
No, Roberto,
the question is what are
you doing here?
We're supposed
to be in Rome.
I told you I was looking
for the Book Of Love.
I've worked hard
for these endorsements.
They're very lucrative.
Kate, this is important
to me.
More important than
your financial future?
I'm going to be fine.
I've got money forever.
How many years
do you think you have left?
Oh, dear.
What if you get hurt?
They won't want your face
on a cereal box if--
Kate, I don't want
to talk about this.
No, you never do.
Kate, I'm sorry.
Please don't be angry.
Who are you staying with?
Your uncle again?
The rich one, huh?
At least he treats me well.
Hey, look, here they come,
the ones who are gonna
help me find the book.
Sydney, Nigel,
my manager Kate Crawley.
Hello.
Hi.
NIGEL: Hi.
He played a great game
for the university.
Scored the winning goal.
Always does.
Kate doesn't share
my passion
for the Book Of Love.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
I'll see you. Ciao.
I only want
the best for him.
I understand.
This search,
it comes at the expense
of too many other things.
Look, the last thing
I want to do is get in the way
of his game, but
he wants his book
and it's our job now
to find it.
Hopefully, you can
do it quickly.
We'll try.
I'd appreciate that.
So would his fans.
We'll try to make it as quick
and painless as possible.
[GIRLS TALKING IN ITALIAN]
[SPEAKS ITALIAN AND BLOWS KISS]
NIGEL: This is
the most extensive
Casanova exhibit in fifty years.
Casanova studied
medicine with
Dr. Gotzi in Padua.
Fell in love with
his little sister, Bettina.
His law degree.
Don't tell me he was
a violinist as well.
In the orchestra
of San Samuel Theater.
From his spy period.
Is there anything
that he could not do?
Maintain a healthy,
mature relationship.
What incident was this?
NIGEL:
One can only imagine.
A monk, how curious.
NIGEL: Looks more like
a peeping tom.
Well, I still don't see
any reference or clue
to his Book Of Love.
No.
Signor Gianini. Ciao.
Is there anything
I can do for you, sir?
I'm sure there is.
I, I mean regarding
the exhibit.
Ah, can you tell me
if there's anything about
Casanova's Book Of Love?
Yes, everybody asks
about that,
but there's really
no proof that he ever
wrote such a book.
So I'm afraid you'll have to
learn about it some other way.
If you insist.
[LAUGHS]
Uh...
Casanova, yes,
everything Casanova wanted
everybody to know
about his life and his loves
he wrote in his autobiography
and...
the original
handwritten text
is right over there.
The original?
Yes, it's done
in his own hand.
Grazie.
NIGEL: It's in old Italian,
a vernacular particular
to Venice in the 1700's.
Genuine love cannot
ever be seen.
What is it?
Well, the inscription's
translated incorrectly.
It's not genuine love
cannot ever be seen,
that's idiomatic translation.
The literal translation is...
true love is invisible
to the naked eye.
Had to be naked
in there somewhere.
[LAUGHS]
SYDNEY:
I want a closer look
at this manuscript.
WOMAN ON PA: Attention,
ladies and gentlemen,
the museum is now
closing for lunch.
We will reopen in one hour
at two-o'clock. Thank you.
[DOOR LOCKS]
[ANNOUNCEMENT IN ITALIAN]
In his book, Casanova mentions
that he delivered secret
messages in invisible ink,
while he was spying.
You think he wrote
something in invisible ink?
I don't know, but that quote
sure got me curious.
[GRUNTS] True love is invisible
to the naked eye,
then there's this.
Look at all the space
between the lines.
How do we check it?
Well, in Casanova's time,
he would have used lemon juice
to reactivate the ink.
I wouldn't take that chance.
Paper's too old. We need
something ultraviolet.
The machine they use
to scan currency
to check the watermark.
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
I think I have it. Oh...
Too much garlic.
[SHUSHES]
[RADIO PLAYING]
[GRUNTS]
Look.
NIGEL: My dear,
my dear friend, Umberto.
If you are reading
this message? Message...
if you're reading this message,
then I am no longer,
no longer of this earth.
Nigel.
What?
The Italians, although
notorious for long lunches,
do have to come back some time.
Well, I'm doing my best, okay?
My 17th century Italian is just
a little rusty.
Just hurry.
My beloved book is
in the garage.
Garage? Oh, the garden,
the garden. The garden of...
Earthly delights.
Yes.
That's that painting we saw.
Go there, go there and,
and introduce
yourself to Isabella.
Isabella?
And she will give it to you.
Close the garden, seal it
with a, with a last kiss
and go upstairs and, and toast
my life, with a gilded rose.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER IN ITALIAN]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER IN ITALIAN]
[LAUGHING]
There.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
Anna?
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
Does the term, gilded rose,
mean anything to you?
Gilded rose?
Yes, it's a drink.
Drink?
Yes, well, Casanova,
when he would travel,
he returned from the far east
so he brought back star anise,
gave it to a bartender,
one of his favorite cafes,
and that's what he called it.
It was his favorite.
The cafe?
Oh, ah!
Cafe Biagio,
yes, it's still there.
Does it look the same?
Oh, no, no, it's completely
redone. I must go. Ciao.
Completely redone.
Well the clue says
to get the gilded rose
upstairs from the garden.
Maybe they didn't redo what
was underneath.
Let's hope.
Okay, I know I promised
I'd be back today Ma,
Ma, we almost find the book.
Look, I'll call you back.
I call you back, ciao, ciao.
Hey, Bella, grazia.
Well, to great minds.
Pure hearts
Hard bodies.
Salud.
Well, I guess it's
an acquired taste.
Indeed.
All right, the message said
Umberto was to come upstairs
when he got the book.
So that means
we must go downstairs.
We can't very well just
explore their basement.
No, but we certainly
have the right
to use the toilet.
And that is no doubt
in the basement.
Grazie.
Grazie.
Grazie.
[WHISTLING TUNE]
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
Well, this is more like it.
There's, there's some kind
of fresco behind here. Anything?
Well, maybe.
Let's move this up.
[GRUNTING]
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
Nice catch.
Thanks. You know, I used
to play a bit of soccer myself.
The exhilaration of watching
the ball slam into the back
of the net never leaves you,
no matter how many times
you, score.
ROBERTO: Yes. Right, yes.
Right.
Thank you, Roberto,
I'm fine now.
Why are you
afraid of me?
I'm not afraid of you.
I think you are.
I'm glad you think
you know me so well.
I will not disappoint you.
I think we should get back
to what we were doing.
Of course.
[SYDNEY SIGHS]
Look at this.
Something in here.
Sealed with a kiss?
Nothing.
What are you looking for?
Usually there's a latch
or a lever some thing hidden
that opens the entrance.
She's so beautiful.
She's so beautiful.
Roberto, please.
You've got to be kidding me.
You have to admit it's original.
This is where Casanova
did his best work.
[WHISTLES]
Well, the next part
of the message says to find
Isabella,
introduce yourself to her,
and she will
give you the book.
Who is Isabella?
SYDNEY:
Maybe one of Casanova's lovers.
Introduce yourself
to Isabella.
All right.
Hello, I'm Nigel.
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
[CLICKS]
What are you doing?
[GRUNTS]
Casanova's Book Of Love.
His life secrets
of making love to women.
[BOTH COUGH]
It's going to be a
fascinating read,I'm sure.
Don't you think?
Not really interested.
No?
Nope.
You, you're not even
in the slightest bit curious?
Not really.
Oh.
Oh, I think they are.
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[COUGHING]
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
Sydney!
You got the book.
You got the book.
[EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION]
I didn't even see them coming.
I'm so sorry, Roberto.
I'm going to go call Kate.
I'm sure she'll be quite happy
to hear about this.
I was this close.
I had it in my hands.
It's not like you, Syd.
I must be jet-lagged.
You don't get jet-lagged.
I blew it, okay?
Let's just drop it.
Right. You think the guys
from the basement are working
with the guy on the scooter?
They had to be.
They knew exactly what
they were looking for.
That's why the guy
in the suit took off.
He knew somebody else
would mop up after him.
They must have followed us
from the museum to the cafe.
ROBERTO: Okay.
Did you see the tattoo
on his arm?
Yeah, some kind of snake.
I've seen it before.
I can't remember where.
[SIGHS] She's leaving.
Her uncle's driver
is taking her to the airport.
She wouldn't even talk to me.
You can't let her leave
like this, Roberto.
Why not?
Because she's
in love with you.
Kate?
Yes, very much so.
How do you know?
You don't need a book
for some things.
Don't let her
leave like this.
[SIGHS]
[MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO]
Why are we stopping?
Afraid your flight's
been delayed.
Kate, I can't let you go.
I know you're very angry
and it's my fault and I'm sorry.
Why don't we talk about this
over lunch? Just you
and me and...
Kate, what are you doing
with the Book Of Love?
You stole it. You did it.
My understanding is you never
actually had possession.
Kate, how could you do this?
How could you do this?
Do what?
You know.
I don't know.
You must know.
I don't know.
You don't know?
No, no.
Then take your damn book.
You deserve it.
ROBERTO: Kate, after everything
I've done for you.
KATE: What you've done for me?
ROBERTO: Uh huh.
KATE: What have you done for me?
ROBERTO: I've done lots
of things for you.
KATE: Do you want to know
what I've done?
ROBERTO: Yes.
Do you really want to know
what you've done?
Yes.
Taken me for granted,
without as much
as a simple thank you.
ROBERTO: I love women.
KATE: You love yourself.
I'm told it's quite healthy
to be in love with yourself.
You're a spoiled, arrogant brat.
You're impossible.
I know that. But why did
you steal my book?
If you can't figure it out,
you don't deserve to know.
Oh.
My god.
Oh my god.
What's going on?
Nothing.
I knew it could be done.
God.
Coming.
Is there a problem?
What's that?
Um, it's uh...
it, it's a long story.
Sydney, what are you doing?
[GRUNTS]
You've got to be kidding me.
Tag team match.
Kate. Kate. Kate.
She was angry.
We, we got that.
She stole the book for reasons
that are not clear to me.
Sounds pretty clear to me.
Really?
She's trying to get
your attention,
any way she can.
[SIGHS]
Well, at least we have the book.
Not exactly, Roberto.
What do you mean?
That she blew it.
Three guys just took off
in a beige sports car.
They grabbed it.
Again?
It was ah, was unavoidable.
Mama mia, we're lost.
But maybe not. I think
I remember where I saw
the snake before.
ANNA:
When Casanova was alive,
he constantly challenged
the religious and social morals
of the day.
Well, as a result, he became
the target of a tremendous
amount of prejudice.
So the monk in the picture
represents the church.
ANNA:
Yes, that's right, the church.
Well, the church as well
as a zealous group
of monks.
They called themselves
the Brothers of Eden.
And this snake must be
the serpent from
the Garden of Eden?
Yes, that's right.
You see, the monks,
they dedicated themselves
to destroying the evil
they felt that Adam and Eve
had brought to the world,
especially the sin of sexuality.
Sexuality is not a sin.
It's a thing of beauty
and wonder.
The brothers must've had
a hard time with Casanova.
Yes, yes, hard, hard time.
They tormented him
and eventually he had
to flee Italy
to escape them.
What became of the brothers?
They maintain their monastery
in Milano.
They were purged once,
they defied
the Vatican's orders
once too often.
But now, basically,
they're a small,
quiet, peaceful order, dedicated
to caring for the poor.
[BELL TOLLS]
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
Quiet order dedicated to taking
care of the poor, huh?
The guys who stole
the book from me
were driving that car.
ROBERTO:
Leopards don't often
change their spots.
Casanova's book
is in there somewhere.
Perhaps, but how are we
going to get inside?
Would it help if
I distract the monks?
It's a good start.
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
Ah!
Ooh!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
Go!
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
[LAUGHING]
Where exactly are we going?
I have no idea.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
There's got to be
some way out of here.
Uh... A bunch of guys
in bathrobes
just don't disappear.
Maybe the snake is the key.
It's always something like
a snake or a minotaur
or an eight-legged horse,
seeing monkey,
three-headed pig.
Nigel.
Sorry. What are you doing?
Candle wax.
The monks had candles.
[CREAKING]
Very good.
Thanks.
[EXHALES]
It's like a museum
of the erotic in here.
I think this is how
Madonna got started.
What do you think this is for?
I have no idea.
Well, I might
have one or two ideas.
Well, I guess we're stuck here,
wherever here is.
Interesting toy store
you've got here.
They are the work
of the devil.
Uh-huh. So what are you
doing with them?
They are icons of corruption
and immorality.
Uh-huh. So you steal
them and stash them.
Yes.
And then what?
Exorcise them.
Of course.
Uh, I'm just curious,
what do you do
with all the issues of, say,
Playboy, Penthouse,
not to mention all those
really nasty ones?
Lusty leather girls.
I, I, I was told
it was particularly vulgar.
Let's not forget
all those adult videos.
Adult book stores.
Have I mentioned the world
wide web? Now, that's huge.
And then there's
all that gray stuff.
Is is art? Is it porn?
Stuff that gets into museums
and art galleries.
You've got your work
cut out for you.
The things in here
are from the past.
From a time when
the world did not know
the evil they represent,
because that evil
is so powerful,
they are our only concern.
So you're a kind of like
special interest sect.
The book will be exorcised.
It will remain sealed
in this chamber forever.
I'm afraid the same
must be done to you as well.
Oh, I don't think so.
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[SCREAMS IN PAIN]
Oh!
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[HORN TOOTING]
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
I was surprised
when I got your message.
I was sure you never
wanted to see me again.
Now that I have the book.
Ah!
I never mix business
with pleasure, but...
now that work is done,
I have to admit
I've become quite fond of you.
You know what I mean?
Ah, of course.
So what shall we
do about it?
Excuse me?
Shall I get the bill?
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't think this would be
good for me and you.
Oh.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's, it's nothing about you,
Sydney it's just I...
Roberto, the Book Of Love
isn't going to magically make
you into some great lover.
No, but I already am.
I mean, the book is just for
finer points,
to hone my skill and...
it's tough living up to
your reputation. Isn't it?
It's a joke, isn't it?
No, it makes you more human.
And even sexier.
I don't believe you.
The mind and the heart
are the body's
two most erogenous zones.
Any man who doesn't love
with those parts of himself
can never be a great lover.
You believe that?
Mm-hmm. Know
what else I believe?
Hmm.
You and Kate can make
Antony and Cleopatra
look like amateurs.
Hmm.
Si.
Why don't you go to her. Go.
Grazie. Ciao.
Ciao.
Roberto.
Ciao.
The book.
[BOTH SIGH]
Got our tickets.
Good, good.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Give me that book.
Give me the book.
Nigel.
Give me the book.
What's wrong with you?
Nothing. Have you
seen the aspirin?
On my desk.
What happened?
I said nothing.
Page sixty-seven?
Don't be ridiculous.
It was page
seventy-two, I believe.
Well, you wouldn't
happen to know where
the book is now, would you?
I promised Morris the museum
could have it for a month.
Well, the last time I
saw it was on your desk.
It's not there now.
Well, it can't just have
got up and walked away.
You lock your office
every night and the
only people who have
a key are you, me and... oh.
Could you explain
something to me?
BOTH: No.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[SERENE INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING]
[CHUCKLES]
[MOANS]
[WOMAN LAUGHING]
[BOTH LAUGH]
Giacomo,
what are you doing?
I do not want
to forget the moment.
Oh, what is it
you are writing?
A manual on lovemaking.
Oh, can I see it?
Later, mi amore.
Right now, we have
work to do.
[MOANS]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[GASPS]
My husband.
My fiance.
Blasphemous fiend,
you have gone too far.
This time, we will turn you
over to the authorities.
[SCREAMS]
[YELLING]
Get him.
MAN: Don't let him get away.
MAN: Imbecile.
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
Good stroke.
Thanks.
What's going on?
I guess you
haven't heard the news.
Getting married?
No.
[MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO]
NIGEL: Roberto Gianini has
agreed to play with
the university's soccer team
tonight in
a charity fundraiser.
[HORN TOOTING]
[SPEAKS ITALIAN AND WHISTLES]
Right on.
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
[EXCLAIMS]
The Roberto Gianini.
Yeah. You have no idea
who that is, do you?
Not a clue.
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
NIGEL: He's on
a book-signing tour
of the United States
before going back
to Italy for the world cup.
President Morris convinced him
to play for us.
What's his book?
His autobiography,
Soccer's Casanova.
You're serious?
Apart from being a playboy,
he wants you to find
a book he believes
Casanova wrote,
his Book Of Love.
[WHISTLES]
Easy, easy.
You've got to be careful.
Are you who
I think you are?
Who do you think I am?
You know.
I'm afraid so.
Roberto Gianini.
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
God.
Grazie.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
President Morris, I would
hardly call Casanova's
Book Of Love a relic.
That's for starters.
As for him doing us a favor,
he's here promoting his book.
We're doing him a favor.
For you to volunteer
my services is
completely out of line.
No. I would not like to come
to your office to discuss this.
Why?
Because I'm not even
remotely interested
in helping some
egocentric soccer jock
load another
round of ammo in his--
I'll uh... get back to you.
[SIGHS]
You are more beautiful
than I was ever told.
So you are
a fan of Casanova's?
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
What do you know
about him?
What everyone else knows,
that he is the world's
greatest lover.
It would please me
more than anything
to find his legendary
Book Of Love.
I see. Why?
Excuse me, I don't understand.
Why do you want to find it?
It's basically a sex manual.
It's Casanova's sex manual.
How can anyone resist?
I certainly would.
Really? Are you sure?
Yes.
Really?
The book is
only legend, Roberto.
It probably
doesn't even exist.
Maybe. But if it does,
I'm sure you can find it.
Did you just hear
what I said?
My ears were not receiving.
I was consumed
with a stunning visual.
I have to be honest
with you, Roberto,
this relic
doesn't particularly
interest me.
Sydney, please.
I hate it when women
say no to me.
Uh-ha.
You'll get used to it.
PILOT: Currently, it's
7:55 a.m. in Milan.
Temperature
is 18 degree Celsius,
65 Fahrenheit.
This exhibition
of Casanova in Milano,
is going to show pieces
that are over a hundred
years old. Can you imagine?
No.
I'm sure you can, Sydney.
I really can't, Roberto.
Of course not.
[SIGHS] My manager's
not going to be pleased
with me at all.
I was supposed
to go home to do
one of those cake ads.
Cake?
You know, cake.
Beefcake.
Si, si. Go ahead, feel it.
That's okay.
It's very hard.
I'm sure it is.
I work with weights,
you know.
Great.
Now, don't be afraid.
Touch it, feel it, do
what you like. Go ahead.
I'm sure it's very hard but
I just don't want to touch it.
I think you have
a problem with
intimacy, Sydney.
I do not have a problem
with intimacy,
I just don't want to touch it.
You know, Casanova's
autobiography is fascinating.
Oh! The history of my life.
That's right. You read it?
I read it.
You read it?
You didn't?
No.
Oh. What most people
don't realize about Casanova
was that
he was more than a ladies man.
He was a poet.
That's right.
An artist, a novelist,
a diplomat, even a spy.
Hmm.
He wasn't just
a great lover, he was
a philosopher about love.
Genuine love cannot
ever be seen,
the inscription
on the title page.
That's right.
[SIGHS]
[MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO]
[MEN CHATTERING IN ITALIAN]
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
Kate, what are you
doing here?
No, Roberto,
the question is what are
you doing here?
We're supposed
to be in Rome.
I told you I was looking
for the Book Of Love.
I've worked hard
for these endorsements.
They're very lucrative.
Kate, this is important
to me.
More important than
your financial future?
I'm going to be fine.
I've got money forever.
How many years
do you think you have left?
Oh, dear.
What if you get hurt?
They won't want your face
on a cereal box if--
Kate, I don't want
to talk about this.
No, you never do.
Kate, I'm sorry.
Please don't be angry.
Who are you staying with?
Your uncle again?
The rich one, huh?
At least he treats me well.
Hey, look, here they come,
the ones who are gonna
help me find the book.
Sydney, Nigel,
my manager Kate Crawley.
Hello.
Hi.
NIGEL: Hi.
He played a great game
for the university.
Scored the winning goal.
Always does.
Kate doesn't share
my passion
for the Book Of Love.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
I'll see you. Ciao.
I only want
the best for him.
I understand.
This search,
it comes at the expense
of too many other things.
Look, the last thing
I want to do is get in the way
of his game, but
he wants his book
and it's our job now
to find it.
Hopefully, you can
do it quickly.
We'll try.
I'd appreciate that.
So would his fans.
We'll try to make it as quick
and painless as possible.
[GIRLS TALKING IN ITALIAN]
[SPEAKS ITALIAN AND BLOWS KISS]
NIGEL: This is
the most extensive
Casanova exhibit in fifty years.
Casanova studied
medicine with
Dr. Gotzi in Padua.
Fell in love with
his little sister, Bettina.
His law degree.
Don't tell me he was
a violinist as well.
In the orchestra
of San Samuel Theater.
From his spy period.
Is there anything
that he could not do?
Maintain a healthy,
mature relationship.
What incident was this?
NIGEL:
One can only imagine.
A monk, how curious.
NIGEL: Looks more like
a peeping tom.
Well, I still don't see
any reference or clue
to his Book Of Love.
No.
Signor Gianini. Ciao.
Is there anything
I can do for you, sir?
I'm sure there is.
I, I mean regarding
the exhibit.
Ah, can you tell me
if there's anything about
Casanova's Book Of Love?
Yes, everybody asks
about that,
but there's really
no proof that he ever
wrote such a book.
So I'm afraid you'll have to
learn about it some other way.
If you insist.
[LAUGHS]
Uh...
Casanova, yes,
everything Casanova wanted
everybody to know
about his life and his loves
he wrote in his autobiography
and...
the original
handwritten text
is right over there.
The original?
Yes, it's done
in his own hand.
Grazie.
NIGEL: It's in old Italian,
a vernacular particular
to Venice in the 1700's.
Genuine love cannot
ever be seen.
What is it?
Well, the inscription's
translated incorrectly.
It's not genuine love
cannot ever be seen,
that's idiomatic translation.
The literal translation is...
true love is invisible
to the naked eye.
Had to be naked
in there somewhere.
[LAUGHS]
SYDNEY:
I want a closer look
at this manuscript.
WOMAN ON PA: Attention,
ladies and gentlemen,
the museum is now
closing for lunch.
We will reopen in one hour
at two-o'clock. Thank you.
[DOOR LOCKS]
[ANNOUNCEMENT IN ITALIAN]
In his book, Casanova mentions
that he delivered secret
messages in invisible ink,
while he was spying.
You think he wrote
something in invisible ink?
I don't know, but that quote
sure got me curious.
[GRUNTS] True love is invisible
to the naked eye,
then there's this.
Look at all the space
between the lines.
How do we check it?
Well, in Casanova's time,
he would have used lemon juice
to reactivate the ink.
I wouldn't take that chance.
Paper's too old. We need
something ultraviolet.
The machine they use
to scan currency
to check the watermark.
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
I think I have it. Oh...
Too much garlic.
[SHUSHES]
[RADIO PLAYING]
[GRUNTS]
Look.
NIGEL: My dear,
my dear friend, Umberto.
If you are reading
this message? Message...
if you're reading this message,
then I am no longer,
no longer of this earth.
Nigel.
What?
The Italians, although
notorious for long lunches,
do have to come back some time.
Well, I'm doing my best, okay?
My 17th century Italian is just
a little rusty.
Just hurry.
My beloved book is
in the garage.
Garage? Oh, the garden,
the garden. The garden of...
Earthly delights.
Yes.
That's that painting we saw.
Go there, go there and,
and introduce
yourself to Isabella.
Isabella?
And she will give it to you.
Close the garden, seal it
with a, with a last kiss
and go upstairs and, and toast
my life, with a gilded rose.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER IN ITALIAN]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER IN ITALIAN]
[LAUGHING]
There.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
Anna?
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
Does the term, gilded rose,
mean anything to you?
Gilded rose?
Yes, it's a drink.
Drink?
Yes, well, Casanova,
when he would travel,
he returned from the far east
so he brought back star anise,
gave it to a bartender,
one of his favorite cafes,
and that's what he called it.
It was his favorite.
The cafe?
Oh, ah!
Cafe Biagio,
yes, it's still there.
Does it look the same?
Oh, no, no, it's completely
redone. I must go. Ciao.
Completely redone.
Well the clue says
to get the gilded rose
upstairs from the garden.
Maybe they didn't redo what
was underneath.
Let's hope.
Okay, I know I promised
I'd be back today Ma,
Ma, we almost find the book.
Look, I'll call you back.
I call you back, ciao, ciao.
Hey, Bella, grazia.
Well, to great minds.
Pure hearts
Hard bodies.
Salud.
Well, I guess it's
an acquired taste.
Indeed.
All right, the message said
Umberto was to come upstairs
when he got the book.
So that means
we must go downstairs.
We can't very well just
explore their basement.
No, but we certainly
have the right
to use the toilet.
And that is no doubt
in the basement.
Grazie.
Grazie.
Grazie.
[WHISTLING TUNE]
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
Well, this is more like it.
There's, there's some kind
of fresco behind here. Anything?
Well, maybe.
Let's move this up.
[GRUNTING]
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
Nice catch.
Thanks. You know, I used
to play a bit of soccer myself.
The exhilaration of watching
the ball slam into the back
of the net never leaves you,
no matter how many times
you, score.
ROBERTO: Yes. Right, yes.
Right.
Thank you, Roberto,
I'm fine now.
Why are you
afraid of me?
I'm not afraid of you.
I think you are.
I'm glad you think
you know me so well.
I will not disappoint you.
I think we should get back
to what we were doing.
Of course.
[SYDNEY SIGHS]
Look at this.
Something in here.
Sealed with a kiss?
Nothing.
What are you looking for?
Usually there's a latch
or a lever some thing hidden
that opens the entrance.
She's so beautiful.
She's so beautiful.
Roberto, please.
You've got to be kidding me.
You have to admit it's original.
This is where Casanova
did his best work.
[WHISTLES]
Well, the next part
of the message says to find
Isabella,
introduce yourself to her,
and she will
give you the book.
Who is Isabella?
SYDNEY:
Maybe one of Casanova's lovers.
Introduce yourself
to Isabella.
All right.
Hello, I'm Nigel.
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
[CLICKS]
What are you doing?
[GRUNTS]
Casanova's Book Of Love.
His life secrets
of making love to women.
[BOTH COUGH]
It's going to be a
fascinating read,I'm sure.
Don't you think?
Not really interested.
No?
Nope.
You, you're not even
in the slightest bit curious?
Not really.
Oh.
Oh, I think they are.
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[COUGHING]
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
Sydney!
You got the book.
You got the book.
[EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION]
I didn't even see them coming.
I'm so sorry, Roberto.
I'm going to go call Kate.
I'm sure she'll be quite happy
to hear about this.
I was this close.
I had it in my hands.
It's not like you, Syd.
I must be jet-lagged.
You don't get jet-lagged.
I blew it, okay?
Let's just drop it.
Right. You think the guys
from the basement are working
with the guy on the scooter?
They had to be.
They knew exactly what
they were looking for.
That's why the guy
in the suit took off.
He knew somebody else
would mop up after him.
They must have followed us
from the museum to the cafe.
ROBERTO: Okay.
Did you see the tattoo
on his arm?
Yeah, some kind of snake.
I've seen it before.
I can't remember where.
[SIGHS] She's leaving.
Her uncle's driver
is taking her to the airport.
She wouldn't even talk to me.
You can't let her leave
like this, Roberto.
Why not?
Because she's
in love with you.
Kate?
Yes, very much so.
How do you know?
You don't need a book
for some things.
Don't let her
leave like this.
[SIGHS]
[MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO]
Why are we stopping?
Afraid your flight's
been delayed.
Kate, I can't let you go.
I know you're very angry
and it's my fault and I'm sorry.
Why don't we talk about this
over lunch? Just you
and me and...
Kate, what are you doing
with the Book Of Love?
You stole it. You did it.
My understanding is you never
actually had possession.
Kate, how could you do this?
How could you do this?
Do what?
You know.
I don't know.
You must know.
I don't know.
You don't know?
No, no.
Then take your damn book.
You deserve it.
ROBERTO: Kate, after everything
I've done for you.
KATE: What you've done for me?
ROBERTO: Uh huh.
KATE: What have you done for me?
ROBERTO: I've done lots
of things for you.
KATE: Do you want to know
what I've done?
ROBERTO: Yes.
Do you really want to know
what you've done?
Yes.
Taken me for granted,
without as much
as a simple thank you.
ROBERTO: I love women.
KATE: You love yourself.
I'm told it's quite healthy
to be in love with yourself.
You're a spoiled, arrogant brat.
You're impossible.
I know that. But why did
you steal my book?
If you can't figure it out,
you don't deserve to know.
Oh.
My god.
Oh my god.
What's going on?
Nothing.
I knew it could be done.
God.
Coming.
Is there a problem?
What's that?
Um, it's uh...
it, it's a long story.
Sydney, what are you doing?
[GRUNTS]
You've got to be kidding me.
Tag team match.
Kate. Kate. Kate.
She was angry.
We, we got that.
She stole the book for reasons
that are not clear to me.
Sounds pretty clear to me.
Really?
She's trying to get
your attention,
any way she can.
[SIGHS]
Well, at least we have the book.
Not exactly, Roberto.
What do you mean?
That she blew it.
Three guys just took off
in a beige sports car.
They grabbed it.
Again?
It was ah, was unavoidable.
Mama mia, we're lost.
But maybe not. I think
I remember where I saw
the snake before.
ANNA:
When Casanova was alive,
he constantly challenged
the religious and social morals
of the day.
Well, as a result, he became
the target of a tremendous
amount of prejudice.
So the monk in the picture
represents the church.
ANNA:
Yes, that's right, the church.
Well, the church as well
as a zealous group
of monks.
They called themselves
the Brothers of Eden.
And this snake must be
the serpent from
the Garden of Eden?
Yes, that's right.
You see, the monks,
they dedicated themselves
to destroying the evil
they felt that Adam and Eve
had brought to the world,
especially the sin of sexuality.
Sexuality is not a sin.
It's a thing of beauty
and wonder.
The brothers must've had
a hard time with Casanova.
Yes, yes, hard, hard time.
They tormented him
and eventually he had
to flee Italy
to escape them.
What became of the brothers?
They maintain their monastery
in Milano.
They were purged once,
they defied
the Vatican's orders
once too often.
But now, basically,
they're a small,
quiet, peaceful order, dedicated
to caring for the poor.
[BELL TOLLS]
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
Quiet order dedicated to taking
care of the poor, huh?
The guys who stole
the book from me
were driving that car.
ROBERTO:
Leopards don't often
change their spots.
Casanova's book
is in there somewhere.
Perhaps, but how are we
going to get inside?
Would it help if
I distract the monks?
It's a good start.
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
Ah!
Ooh!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
Go!
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
[LAUGHING]
Where exactly are we going?
I have no idea.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
There's got to be
some way out of here.
Uh... A bunch of guys
in bathrobes
just don't disappear.
Maybe the snake is the key.
It's always something like
a snake or a minotaur
or an eight-legged horse,
seeing monkey,
three-headed pig.
Nigel.
Sorry. What are you doing?
Candle wax.
The monks had candles.
[CREAKING]
Very good.
Thanks.
[EXHALES]
It's like a museum
of the erotic in here.
I think this is how
Madonna got started.
What do you think this is for?
I have no idea.
Well, I might
have one or two ideas.
Well, I guess we're stuck here,
wherever here is.
Interesting toy store
you've got here.
They are the work
of the devil.
Uh-huh. So what are you
doing with them?
They are icons of corruption
and immorality.
Uh-huh. So you steal
them and stash them.
Yes.
And then what?
Exorcise them.
Of course.
Uh, I'm just curious,
what do you do
with all the issues of, say,
Playboy, Penthouse,
not to mention all those
really nasty ones?
Lusty leather girls.
I, I, I was told
it was particularly vulgar.
Let's not forget
all those adult videos.
Adult book stores.
Have I mentioned the world
wide web? Now, that's huge.
And then there's
all that gray stuff.
Is is art? Is it porn?
Stuff that gets into museums
and art galleries.
You've got your work
cut out for you.
The things in here
are from the past.
From a time when
the world did not know
the evil they represent,
because that evil
is so powerful,
they are our only concern.
So you're a kind of like
special interest sect.
The book will be exorcised.
It will remain sealed
in this chamber forever.
I'm afraid the same
must be done to you as well.
Oh, I don't think so.
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
[SCREAMS IN PAIN]
Oh!
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[HORN TOOTING]
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
I was surprised
when I got your message.
I was sure you never
wanted to see me again.
Now that I have the book.
Ah!
I never mix business
with pleasure, but...
now that work is done,
I have to admit
I've become quite fond of you.
You know what I mean?
Ah, of course.
So what shall we
do about it?
Excuse me?
Shall I get the bill?
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't think this would be
good for me and you.
Oh.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's, it's nothing about you,
Sydney it's just I...
Roberto, the Book Of Love
isn't going to magically make
you into some great lover.
No, but I already am.
I mean, the book is just for
finer points,
to hone my skill and...
it's tough living up to
your reputation. Isn't it?
It's a joke, isn't it?
No, it makes you more human.
And even sexier.
I don't believe you.
The mind and the heart
are the body's
two most erogenous zones.
Any man who doesn't love
with those parts of himself
can never be a great lover.
You believe that?
Mm-hmm. Know
what else I believe?
Hmm.
You and Kate can make
Antony and Cleopatra
look like amateurs.
Hmm.
Si.
Why don't you go to her. Go.
Grazie. Ciao.
Ciao.
Roberto.
Ciao.
The book.
[BOTH SIGH]
Got our tickets.
Good, good.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Give me that book.
Give me the book.
Nigel.
Give me the book.
What's wrong with you?
Nothing. Have you
seen the aspirin?
On my desk.
What happened?
I said nothing.
Page sixty-seven?
Don't be ridiculous.
It was page
seventy-two, I believe.
Well, you wouldn't
happen to know where
the book is now, would you?
I promised Morris the museum
could have it for a month.
Well, the last time I
saw it was on your desk.
It's not there now.
Well, it can't just have
got up and walked away.
You lock your office
every night and the
only people who have
a key are you, me and... oh.
Could you explain
something to me?
BOTH: No.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]