Relic Hunter (1999–2002): Season 1, Episode 14 - Nine Lives - full transcript

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

I pity the thief, I do.

But, it's cursed, you know.

You're Egyptian, aren't you?

Then you believe
it, right?

I mean, when a bloke removes
the statue of Mafdet from the
temple, he will...

What did it say? Yeah,
"Die by the claws of the cat."

Well, I've traveled the
globe in her Majesty's service
and seen a lot of

local mumbo-jumbo proved true.

So I say it again,
I pity the thief.

CONDUCTOR: Alexandria
station. Alexandria.



Well, Mustaf my friend,
what brings you to Alexandria?

I am sorry.
My English is very little.

[STEAM HISSING]

[GROWLING]

Ah!

[SCREAMING]

[INTENSE SCREAMING]

[HEART THUMPING]

You know what, Claudia?
Astronomy is absolutely
fascinating.

I know. And practical, too.

I... I didn't know you were
interested in astronomy.

Of course. Like, this guy I
was seeing, he was a total
Sagittarius.

But, then he started
to get moody
and I took it personally.

But, then I found out that his
moon was rising in Scorpio.



And I realized it really had
nothing to do with me
because I'm a Virgo,

and we are so completely
supposed to be together.

Yeah. You're talking about
astrology. I'm talking about
astronomy.

You know, if you're
interested, you could join
me at the observatory,

this Wednesday to witness the
appearance of the Bomot comet

Thanks but, I've got a
low-impact
class on Wednesday.

I'll just catch it next week.

Claudia, the Bomot comet
only appears for a few days

every three thousand years.
Yeah, well, my butt appears...

at least twice a week at some
of the hottest clubs in town.

So this whole comet thing will
just have to take a back seat

to bum burners, level three.
Thank you very much.

[PHONE RINGING]

Ancient studies.

It's the new curator from the
Crawford institute in New York.

Put him through.
Her.

Hello?

I can't believe you won't
give up an exercise class

to see one of the
most fascinating
events of the century.

Ricky Martin is the most
fascinating event of the
century, not a comet.

A comet.

A comet is magnificent.

Huge masses of ice
and rock which,

when they get too close to
the sun, begin to evaporate
forming trails

of dust and gas millions of
miles long that we see all
the way from the earth.

Okay

Let's get security up here
quick before Luke Skywalker
goes over the edge.

The statue is Mafdet,
the Egyptian cat goddess.

And it had been stolen?
Yes, from a sacred temple.

I found it and returned
it to the Bubastis collection
in Cairo.

It's supposedly cursed.
Cursed?

Well, whoever steals
the statue will die by
the claws of the cat.

Die by the claws?

The man who took
it was found
dead a few weeks later,

unusual lacerations
covering his body.

Meow! I don't mean
to be presumptive.

Presumptuous.

That too. But, should
I be booking a flight?

New York.

Right. If you can
make it there...
I'll make it anywhere?

The statue's on tour?

That's right.
This month it's at the
Crawford institute in New York.

They've got a new curator.
She invited me to the showing.
She must've known about your

connection with the statue
and thought you might
like to see it again.

That's what I thought but,
she invited me to her home,
not the museum.

Why?
That's what I'd like to know.

Thank you for coming,
professor Fox.
Sydney.

Elizabeth.
Nigel.

Hi.

I guess you're wondering
why we're here.

Well, the thought had
crossed my mind.

When the pieces for the
exhibit arrived, I...

I brought the statue
home to study it.

You took it out
of the museum?

It was stupid, I know. But, it
was only for one night and I
was drawn to it.

It's powerful, isn't it?

I knew you would understand.
You've held it.

The statue?
Was stolen in the
middle of the night.

My god.
What did the police say?

You never called them?

It's two days before the
exhibit opens. I just got this
job a few weeks ago.

If we could just get the
statue back before
someone finds out...

and then there's...
The curse.

Yes.
The curse?

Anyone who steals the statue,
Oh, meow.

He's English. Elizabeth, has
anything else gone missing?

Not really. I... I mean,
nothing of importance.

One of my shoes is missing.
They were both at the entrance.

One? Mind if I take a
look at the other one?

I bought them for a costume
ball a few years ago.

So whoever it was took
only the left one.

What?
I know who broke in here.

She doesn't seem to be the
curator type, does she?

No.

So are you going to tell
me who broke in?

Archie Brogan.
He's a cat burglar.
A cat burglar stole the cat?

Yes. He also
has a shoe fetish.
A shoe fetish?

Lefts only.
Right.

He's very good.
As a burglar or a
shoe fetisher?

Burglar, of course. But, he
did break up my favorite
pair of pumps.

Let's catch a cab
at the corner.

It's... it's an absolute
steal at the price.

I think we should
buy it, honey.

Well, I'll be dogged if I know.
Who was it you said painted
this again?

Oh, Giuseppe Gilmore, one of the
masters of neo-modern
expressionism.

You don't say?

It almost breaks my heart to
part with such a masterpiece.

Honey...

Well, sugar pie, if it means
that much you, I reckon
we'll take it.

Hello, Lagerfeld.

Sydney. Sydney,
it's been such a long time.

Um... I'm in the middle
of a transaction. Just give
me a minute, will you?

This here was painted
by Giuseppe Gilmore.

This fellow seems to think
it's neat as cat's whiskers.
What do you think?

Well...

it's almost as neat as the
one that Gilmore painted
himself.

You mean this
ain't an original?
Thank you very much, Sydney.

Yes, it's even more original
than original. It's a post
modern original.

Postmodern original. Now, what
kind of gobbledygook is that?

Did Gilmore paint this thing
or didn't he?

Of course he did, in the
sense that painters paint...
these days.

Warhol had all his assistants
do the actual painting.

The important point is the
concept, the
genius, the joie de vivre

inspired by the master
himself. This postmodern
original is based on

what most aficionados
believe to be the actual
inferior original...

Postmodern original.

Well, I declare.

Come on, honey-bunch,
let's light a shuck.

I am angry. And when I
get angry, Sydney, I get...
Hello, who's that boy?

It's my teaching assistant.
Lucky you. Mm.

Don't tell me you came all this
way just to make me envious.

I'm looking for Archie.

Archie Brogan? Whatever do
you want with that pervert?

He pulled a job on
someone I'm helping.

I didn't even know he was
in town. He is and I know
that you know he is.

Lagerfeld. And you?
Nigel, Bailey.

Nigel Bailey.

Lagerfeld, where's Archie?

Darling, why would you think
that I would know?

If he's in town,
he's up to his old
tricks.

He'll be bringing you

whatever it is he stole so
that you can fence it.

Fine, yes, I'll...

I'll be with you in
just a moment.

This is the last
address I have of his.

It's a loft down in Soho. He
did tell me he had something
special...

but, I haven't heard
from him in days.

Thanks.

I'm... I'm very glad that you
are looking at this one...

because this is a
piece de resistance,
as we like to say.

Hello? Lagerfeld,

you are getting impatient
in your middle age.

Well, I'm glad you called.

That something special
that I promised, was...

way easier to acquire
than I ever imagined.

Yeah.

This woman from the museum?
She took it home. Sydney Fox?

I don't understand what she...

I'll call you back.

[GROWLING]

[SCREAMING]

Syd.

Nigel!

I never realized fan blades
could be so sharp.

Neither did I.

It's possible the circuit
malfunctioned,
overloaded with current.

Yeah, it's possible.
Take her pump back.

Let's get out of here.

What now?
We find that masked figure.

How do we do that?
I know who it is.

You do again?

She took me out with a
sitabandu back kick.

It's a classic Balinese
martial arts
move.

Certainly one of
my favorites.

There's only one woman
I know that's mastered that
move, Rosalyn Lam.

Archie and Rosalyn
must have teamed up

and had a little cat fight
over the statue.

Lagerfeld gallery.

SYDNEY: Archie's dead.

Oh, such a young man.

Now, give me some real news.
Where is Nigel?

Lagerfeld, Archie's been
murdered and the statue's
been stolen.

Sydney, I don't mean to
be callous, really, but,
if I was to mourn every

thief that promised to bring me
something, I'd be a daily wreck.

Rosalyn Lam. That name
mean anything to you?

No.

Listen to me, Lagerfeld,
listen good.
Now, someone or something

wants that statue bad. Now,
whoever has it is in mortal
danger.

Sydney, this is New York.

We're in mortal danger every
time we walk down the street.

But, the... to put your
mind at ease, I...

I assure you, I have no idea
where Rosalyn Lam is.
Ciao, Sydney.

Now, can we talk money?

You saw the statue, but, the man
who stole it from me is dead?

And it's been taken again.

Sydney believes it's in the
possession of a woman named
Rosalyn Lam.

Why does that name
sound so familiar?
Rosalyn Lam...

Shall we call the police now?
No.

Not yet.
Sorry.

What?

[GROWLING]

Rosalyn Lam.
I knew that name
sounded familiar.

When we were granted
the Bubastis exhibit,

we added several new docents.
All volunteers.

Rosalyn Lam was one of them?
It's a great way to pull
an inside job.

But, I brought
the statue home.

Rosalyn was spying on you
and told her partner about it.

Your left shoe sniffing
cat friend who
double-crossed her.

Sorry.

Elizabeth, would you happen
to have an address for her?

What was that?

Over here. Check it out.
Come on, let's go.

Throat slashed to
just like Archie's.

She did fall
out of the window.

That's true.
And then there's the curse.

Die by the claws of the cat.

You think the
cat's in the bag?
We'll find out.

It's been sold.

Do you actually
think it's possible?

They were killed by some
sort of cat creature?

Cat goddess seeking revenge.

Maybe. Maybe it's one of those
self-fulfilling prophecies.

With someone
doing the fulfilling

because they believe
it has to be fulfilled.

Exactly.

That guy's been
following us.
You sure?

She's sure.

Hey, watch out...

Oh man, what are you...

Hey, what are you doing?

What's that?
It's Egyptian with hieroglyphs.

The symbols are of the Utchat
or sacred eye.

There is a legend that
the Utchat is a symbol
of a Tameran.

That's an ancient Egyptian
spiritual order.

They were sworn to
attend to their Pharaoh's
soul in the afterlife.

It was always led by a high
priestess of unparalleled
power and influence

in Egyptian society.

That's right. The order's
oath was to protect the
Pharaoh for eternity.

But, the order would have
ended with the ancient
Egyptian civilization.

I mean, how would they
be in New York today?

Let me pour you another.

It's actually a drink made
from an authentic ancient
Egyptian recipe.

Very nice.

Do you think the deaths
were accidental?

Or, do you think
it was the curse?

That drink packs a punch.

Are you okay, Nigel?

I had just a little too much.
You're going to be
just fine, Nigel.

I... I shouldn't have
had the second.
Is... is there a...

The door at the
end of the hall.

He'll be all right.

I've seen this before with
unaccustomed palates.

Sydney, what if the Tameran
order wasn't extinct?

What if it existed to this day
to protect the Pharaoh's
soul in the afterlife?

What have you given us?

The Egyptian high priests of our
sect used a similar libation

to relax their sacrificial
victims before they
were killed.

Where am I?
Somewhere underneath her house.

I have been entrusted with
a sacred duty, Sydney.

Does it involve
trick-or-treating?

Tonight, when the Bomot
comet streaks across the
northern sky,

I will perform a ceremony
that will allow the soul of
the Pharaoh

to ascend to the next level.

The Mafdet statue's essential
to the ceremony.

Yes. It will be melted down and
mixed with an ancient formula

to be used in the ceremony.
After Pharaoh ascends

my followers and I will
serve as his ministers
in our after lives.

How do you know that's
what Mafdet wants?

It is what Pharaoh wants.

So this is some sort of
supernatural power trip.

It is a sacred calling.
Yeah, right.

You're not
Elizabeth Ruckheiser.
No. I'm not.

Elizabeth was an
unfortunate victim.

And a poor dresser.

Let him go.

The ceremony will take place
tonight. I need you to bring
Mafdet to me.

Nigel will remain here.
And if you don't provide
the statue...

I'll have to find another way
to appease the Pharaoh

while he waits for the next
window of ascension.

Egyptian culture didn't include
the sacrifice of victims.

Let's call it a ritual
disembowelment,
then.

Sacrifice actually sounded
better to me.

You have until midnight
to get the statue.

Where's the statue?

Anger doesn't become you,
Sydney. Look at you. It
doesn't become you.

Archie and Rosalyn
are both dead.

You're next if we don't
get that statue back.

You're not going on about that
silly curse again, are you?

I'm talking about something
deadlier than the curse here.

I'm talking a crazy woman in
a bustier. Now, if you want
to live...

you'll tell me what you know.

I have never seen you get so
worked up, Sydney. What
kind of bustier?

If we don't get that statue back
by midnight, Nigel's in trouble.

Nigel Bailey?

Rosalyn sold that statue
before she was killed. I know,
I saw the money.

You were her fence.

Oh, fence, Sydney.
Such a ghost term.

Where's the statue?

How can I tell you anything when
you keep mauling me? How can I?

Ethically speaking,
this is against
everything I stand for.

Rosalyn sold it.

She sold it and I represented
her interests.

Who has it now?

Juan Escuevero, the cultural
attache to the United Nations.

He buys art,
resells it in Europe

using his diplomatic immunity to
ease things through customs.

Has he left the country yet?

He leaves tomorrow
morning for Madrid.

He'll have that little
kitty cat with
him.

So it's at the embassy?
Probably at his house.

Where's that?

Where's Nigel?

Believe me, you don't
want to know.

Well, maybe you don't want
to know where the statue is.

Lagerfeld, this is not a game.

Yes, I know, the curse,
mortal danger, blahblahblah.
Keep it up, Sydney.

Just tell me where
he is. Tell me.

I'll take you to him,
we will go
together.

No. No.
Three's a crowd.

Okay, Upper West Side.

I will give you the address
if you don't go until after
midnight. Promise?

Scout's honor.
Scout's honor.

Oh, good evening, good
evening. What an absolutely
charming house.

I'm here to see Nigel Bailey.

A good, friend of mine told
me he was here. Nigel Bailey?

A party.

Well, if I'd have known,
I would've worn Egyptian
motif and things.

Lovely.
What do you want?

I'd like to see
Nigel Bailey, please.
You would, you?

Yes, I would.

Come with me.

Lagerfeld said you might
be dropping by.

I must say when Sydney told
me where you were hiding

I was delighted. But, this?
This is not a game, Lagerfeld.

No, of course, it's not. Not
a game. I've seen you at
city bar, haven't I?

Raoul, right? Easy, Raoul, easy.
Beast, let's not rush things.

This isn't funny.
Yes, it is.

Listen, Mr. Escuevero.

We both know this is stolen.
If I tell the police it's in
your possession...

You won't be telling the
police nothing, my dear.

Will you stop grabbing
at my hands?

You're such a tease.

If you don't want to play
handsy, what are you
doing back there?

I am trying to get us
untied before
they come back and kill us.

Kill us? What are you
talking about?
I've been trying to tell you

this isn't some kind of
twisted role-playing game.
This is for real.

If Sydney doesn't get back here
by midnight with that statue...

they're going to go with
plan B and sacrifice us.

Sacrifice? What kind
of a fun way?

In a fun kind of
disemboweling way.

You really are afraid, aren't
you? Don't be so ridiculous.
Oh, here we go.

The incisions must be precise.
We must remove one organ at
a time.

No.

The bloodletting must
not proceed until midnight.

See? Nothing to worry about.

Nigel, it's just a prop, anyway,
wouldn't cut a thing.

Professor Fox has
approximately
five minutes.

Quick, take me to the
Upper West Side.

I no speak English well.
The West Side.

34 Street?

[IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

What is she doing
with that harpoon?

Now, there's no
need to be hasty.

I'm sure Sydney will be
back at any moment with
that statue and...

What? What? What?
What? What?

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh, madam, that's
a Prada shirt.

It is time. Go to the roof and
prepare for the comet.

Time?

Romanian?

[IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Okay.

What is she talking about?
I don't think we want to know.

[CHANTS]

It is time.

Time? For what? You can't
be serious about all this.
It's a joke, right?

The Pharaoh's soul
is all that matters.

Without Mafdet,
you must be our offering.

I don't think I'd make
a decent offering.

I'm not a good person, you see,
I'm actually rotten to the core.

Yes, that's right.
I'm horrible. I'm the worst.
Ask anyone.

In fact, I'm disgusting.

Stop. I've got the statue.

Give it to me.
No.

No? Sydney, are you mad?
We're running out of time here.

You let them go and I'll
give you the statue.

Go.

I was hoping to stay and
watch the ceremony.

Get out of here.

That's an excellent idea.
That's absolutely
brilliant.

[CHANTING]

Sydney, there are too many
strange things going on in
this house.

Let's get out of here now.

We'll all feel much better
after a good meal.

We're not going.
What?

We need to get the statue back.
What are you talking about?

She's going to destroy
the statue during the
ceremony, Nigel.

Excuse me, who cares?
I do.

Why?
Just because.

You can't be serious, Sydney.
Dead serious.

Please don't say dead.

We're going back.
They just locked the doors.

Doors are locked, case closed.
I know this wonderful little
espresso bar.

But... we've been through
tougher locks than that before.

Don't encourage her, Nigel.

Shut up, Lagerfeld. You're not
even supposed to be here yet.

Stop, don't do that.

Out. I told you
couldn't stay.

You can't destroy that statue.
Why not?

Because Mafdet doesn't
want it destroyed.

She wants her image and
spirit to remain for people
to see and admire.

I serve Pharaoh, not Mafdet.

Exactly. You want it destroyed
for your own selfish gain

so you can have power
with the Pharaoh. You
don't need to do this.

You're correct.
I want to do it and I
will.

Pharaoh has his
loyal servants.

Mafdet has none.
She has me.

[GRUNTS]

Yeah.

Thank God that's over.

Maybe not.

So you've taken an interest
in the comet after all?

Well, after you got all
worked up over it,

I went to the planetarium to
check it out. It was great.

You enjoyed the
comet, did you?

Never actually got to see it.
The new astrology professor...

Astronomy.
Whatever.

He is out of this world,
pardon the pun. I got
a date for Saturday night.

Oh, speaking of dates,
yours called.
She canceled.

What? Why?

Well, I can't say that I blame
her. I mean, an art opening
at a museum, Nigel?

Way to sweep a girl off
her feet, Romeo.

Claudia, some women
actually appreciate
a more intellectual evening

than waving a glow stick around
a meat-packing warehouse

listening to ear-piercing
techno music.

Well, lucky you,
someone else called
wondering if you were free

and I told him you were
available tonight.

You got me another
date, did you?
You could say that.

What's wrong with her?

There's nothing
wrong with her,
except that she's...

Except she's a what?

Nige.

A he.

It's fate, my boy. You see,
Freda Lundstein is my
favorite,

postmodern
abstract expressionist.
She is.

You don't seem too well.
What's wrong?

I think the excitement's
got to him.
He gets like that.

He's wonderful.
I think so, too.

There's someone here
to see you, too.

Your name wouldn't be
Mafdet, would it?

Let's just hope that high
priestess doesn't
have another eight lives, huh?

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]