Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 8, Episode 9 - Fries Night - full transcript

Listen, Benson,

we need to talk.

We are talking.

Ooh, want to hear

how many push-ups

I did at training today?

No. We need to really talk.

Oh. Okay.

This...

this isn't working for me

anymore.



Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Benson, you're a great guy,

but I have no idea

when you're coming back,

or-or if you're coming back.

Sure, sure.

You know, statistically,

the further away

two mates are from each other,

the less likely it is that

their relationship will last.

I've done the calculations,

and our odds are only 1.35%.

Mm-hmm.



I'm-I'm sorry, Benson.

It's not you. It's just math.

I think we should

just be friends.

I get it. I was sent

millions of miles into space

against my will.

You're back on Earth.

Are you sure you're okay?

I totally understand.

I am good.

[SOBBING]

Pam.

Why?

No-o-o-o.

[WHIMPERS]

Okay, okay, okay.

My turn.

Hmm? Hmm-hmm?

Would you rather

have spaghetti for fingers

or have spiders

crawl out of your mouth

every time you yawn?

Hmm. That's a good one.

If I eat my spaghetti fingers,

do they grow back?

Yeah, but they're

whole-wheat pasta.

Aw, sick dude.

Well in that case,

I got to go with-- Uh...

[♪♪♪]

[SLURPING]

Mm...

Uh-oh.

Um, hey, buddy.

Everything okay, man?

No. Pam dumped me.

I've been eating

all these wings,

but they're not making me

feel any better.

Hey, wait. Didn't you and Pam

eat wings on your first date?

Oh, no.

That's why

they're not working.

They're just making me

think about Pam.

Whoa, whoa.

Forget about wings.

Yeah, these space wings

are whack, anyways.

We know what'll make you

feel better.

What?

BOTH: Um...

Fr-rr-ri...

BOTH: Fries.

Fries?

Crispy delicious fries.

I'm talking curly.

Criss-cut.

Wedge-cut.

Crinkle-cut.

Shoe-string.

Artisanal salt, yo.

Yeah. Fries will

fill the void in my soul.

Whew. We really

dodged a bullet on that one.

Where can I find fries?

Ahh.

[PANTING]

Wedge-cut, criss-cut,

crinkle-cut, wedge-cut,

criss-cut, crinkle-cut,

shoe-strings.

Ha ha ha.

I think I'm starting to

feel better alread--

[♪♪♪]

Oh, my gosh.

It was a hit-and-run.

That ice-cream-truck guy

just took off.

Are you okay?

Huh? Where am I?

Who are you?

I'm Roxy,

and you're in my fry truck.

Great. I'm Benson.

Can I get an order of fries?

I'm sorry, but we sold out

in, like, ten minutes.

Got to kick you out.

I'm about to go on a supply run.

Ach, typical.

The saddest day of my life,

then I get hit by a truck,

and now

I can't even get fries.

Why did I think fries

could make me happy again?

This was dumb.

Sorry to bother you, Roxy.

Or if you want to

tag along with me

on my supply run,

I can make you a fresh batch

when I'm done.

Really?

You'd do that for me?

My fries are

the best in the galaxy, Benson.

We're gonna turn that frown

upside down.

Wait. Are you smiling?

Yep. Roxy's Fries--

guaranteed to put a smile

on your face.

All right.

So we're just going for

a quick grocery-store run

or something?

Ha ha. Not if you want

the good stuff.

[KEYBOARD KEYS CLACKING]

This is

the potato planet mine.

For the good stuff,

we got it go way down there

to the bottom.

You sure we can't just

go to the grocery store?

Hey, there's a reason my fries

are the best in the galaxy.

Come on.

Ow. That kind of hurt.

So what do we do now?

Now we dig.

You're the boss.

[♪♪♪]

Whew. This is actually

kind of fun.

I think I see a smile

coming on.

Oh, no. Potato bugs.

Run!

[BUZZING]

[YELLS]

I... just...

want...

some fries.

Unh. I'm trying to

get through a rough day,

and I don't have time

for this right now.

[SCREAMS]

Benson, help me.

Aah.

Roxy, are you okay?

I... I think so.

Good. We better

get out of here.

I can't believe

you did that.

Okay, we got potato.

What's next?

Um, right.

Uh, we need oil.

[KEYBOARD KEYS CLACKING]

Okay.

Barrel's in place.

Great.

I'll open the valve. Unh.

Oh, here. I'll get that.

Thanks. I guess chivalry

isn't dead.

So, if you want to talk about

your bad day, you can.

I can offer a shoulder

to cry on.

I mean--

well, not literally, but--

Uh, thanks.

I guess it's just hard

being single and in space.

I'm single

and in space, too.

So, um, do you have

any hobbies?

Well, I used to be a drummer

in a rock band.

Oh. A rock band.

Oh, yeah. Back in the day,

I was all,

"Two, three, four,

doon-doon-dat, doon-doon-dat.

Bubba-dubba-dubba-dubba,

doon-doon-dat.

Doon-doon-dat, psss. Huh?

Ha ha ha.

Benson, you goo... oof?

[♪♪♪]

Mm. Oh, yeah.

That's better.

Whew.

So, where to next?

Uh, we got to cut the potatoes.

[KEYBOARD KEYS CLACKING]

[GRUNTS]

Uh...

Uh...

[MANLY VOICE]

Roxy? Hey, Roxy?

[NORMAL VOICE]

Earth to Roxy.

Everything okay?

Oh, uh... ha ha ha.

Sorry. I, ah-- I, um...

I've got to go make

a phone call.

Excuse me.

[CELL PHONE SPEED-DIALS]

[RINGING]

Come on, come on...

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Roxy. Hey, girl.

Crystal. Listen,

I-I need some advice.

Ooh, I know what that means.

[GIGGLES] You have a crush.

Heh heh. Oh, well, yeah.

[GASPS] Is he cut?

How many karats is he?

[GIGGLES]

Well, that's the thing.

He's, uh-- Oh, boy--

Heh. He's an organic.

Ahh. Get out. An organic?

The ultimate taboo.

I don't know if he's into me.

I-I always

mess this kind of thing up.

Roxy, quit worrying so much.

You're a stone-cold Rox.

Stop being such a pebble

and be "boulder."

Flirt with him a bit.

Take him to the most

romantic place in the universe.

You got this, girl.

Uh, I got to roll, Rox.

It's like a quarry out here.

Crystal, you are a gem. Thanks.

Hey, Slater, wait up.

[EXHALES]

Oh. Hey, sorry about that.

Wow, you cut those fast.

You know,

you're pretty good at this.

Yeah? Are you hiring?

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS] Yeah.

Maybe we should

go into business together.

What do you say?

You want to be be my sous-chef?

[GASPS] Oh, my gosh.

Are you okay?

Whoa. This place

is awesome, Roxy.

Oh, yeah. I must've forgot

this was here.

It's amazing.

Roxy...

Mm-hmm?

This day started off

being one of the worst days

of my life,

but you made it into

one of the best.

Thanks for making it special.

Things aren't so bad after all.

So we're on

the same page, then?

Uh, sure?

[♪♪♪]

Hmm?

Uh...

Oh, ow.

[GASP]

What was that?

"What was that?"

I can't believe you.

I kiss you,

and all you say is "ow"?

Wait. You did what now?

[SNIFFLING] I have to go.

Roxy, wait. Please stop.

Roxy.

[SOBS]

Roxy.

[STARTS ENGINE]

Roxy.

[TIRES SCREECH]

Aah. It's all right.

That's what insurance is for.

Come on, Roxy. Where are you?

Roxy.

[HONKING HORN]

Roxy, wait.

Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa.

Aah.

Whoa. Aah.

Benson.

As long as we

keep it under light speed,

that should hold.

Look, Roxy, about earlier--

I'm really sorry.

It's okay. I get it.

No. I just want you to know

it's not about you.

You're a really cool girl,

and honestly,

I think you're great, but...

[SIGHS]

See, the whole reason

I wanted fries

was to try to feel better

because-because my girlfriend

dumped me this morning.

Oh, Benson.

It's not the first time

I've been dumped.

Or the second.

Or the third.

It's happened a lot.

I mean, Dumptown is a place,

and I've been there, Roxy.

It still hurts,

and, well, I'm kind of a mess

right now.

I hope you understand.

Yeah.

Hey, you know what we need?

French fries.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, we forgot the salt.

No, we didn't.

My secret ingredient--

space salt.

Oh, wow.

Those are great fries.

Feel better?

I do.

Me too.

Mmm. This is so good.

Oh, here comes the best part.

Hey, Roxy, are you smiling?

I sure am.

[♪♪♪]

[BOTH CHUCKLE]