Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 7, Episode 1 - Dumptown USA - full transcript
Benson is going to fire Mordecai if Rigby can't bring him back from a bizarre land of dudes also known as Dumptown USA.
[♪♪♪]
[VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYING]
Okay, whoever makes this jump
gets to choose lunch.
You're on!
Oh!
We're going
to Wing Kingdom!
[SIGHS]
Rigby, did you clean out
the gutters yet?
No way.
That's a two-man job.
Where's Mordecai?
Don't know. I haven't seen him.
I haven't seen him
since C.J. dumped him
at Muscle Man's wedding.
Yeah, no one has.
He hasn't come to work
for two weeks now.
I've tried calling,
but he won't pick up.
What?
No, here. I'll call him.
[PHONE SPEED-DIALS]
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
Huh.
That's not like
Mordecai.
I can't believe this!
You don't even know
where your best friend is?
Hey, I've been busy.
Look, I'm just
as concerned about
the well-being of my employees
as any park manager,
but I've got a business
to run here.
If you don't find
Mordecai
and bring him back to work
tomorrow,
then I'm gonna
have to fire him.
What? Wait!
I can find him!
Well, for your sake,
I hope so.
Otherwise, you'll be cleaning
the gutters solo from now on.
Come on, Mordecai.
Give me a clue here.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
Hey. I checked
with Margaret.
She hasn't seen or heard
from Mordecai.
His parents don't know
where he is, either.
I don't think he'd be hanging
with C.J. any time soon.
Guess I'll start putting up
these fliers around town.
Hopefully,
100 should be enough.
I'll keep riffling through
his personal stuff
that he doesn't like me
touching. See ya.
[GRUNTS]
Huh?
"Dear Mordecai,
stop wallowing in your lady woes
and come have sodas
with other single bros."
SAD SAX:
There's a place
with hot sandy beaches
and an all-you-can-eat
buffet.
So pick up your sax
and jam with the crew
in Dumptown, USA!
Signed, Sad Sax.
Aah! Sad Sax guy?
I should have known!
And Dumptown, USA?
That sounds so lame.
I bet nobody's even
been to this place.
I have.
Dumptown is a refuge for guys
who have recently been dumped,
a place where they can
forget about their breakups
and embrace
their newfound singlehood.
Wow. That's depressing.
Oh, no!
Dumptown is great!
[♪♪♪]
BENSON:
Throughout my life,
whenever I got dumped,
it was the perfect place
to forget about
all my ex-girlfriends.
[SIGHS]
Ashley who?
Monica who?
Patricia who?
Lisa who?
Whoo-hoo!
Audrey who?
Yep. Good times.
So good that some people
don't ever leave.
And I don't
blame them.
Okay, well,
how do I get there?
The only way
you can get to Dumptown
is to get dumped.
[♪♪♪]
So...let me
get this straight.
You...want me
to dump you?
Yes.
As in break up with me?
Yes.
So you can be
magically transported
to a beach full of losers
so Mordecai
doesn't lose his job?
Yeah, that's right.
No!
Aw, come on!
It's not for reals!
[SIGHS]
Fine.
Rigby, it's not you,
it's me.
I think we should
see other people.
Nothing's happening.
Put some more
feeling into it.
It's not called Gentle Letdown,
USA. I got to get dumped.
[SIGHS]
Well, I guess you
are pretty immature.
Go on.
You don't floss
or brush your teeth at all.
Keep going.
You're irresponsible,
lazy,
you never try anything new!
Now we're talking!
I've been wanting to try
that Ethiopian place
for weeks,
and you won't--
Whoa! Okay.
I think that's good.
You know what?
It's over! Get out!
Consider yourself dumped,
loser!
Don't call me!
Did I just get dumped
for reals?
[♪♪♪]
Pfft. Chicks, man.
How long
have you been up there?
Brother,
I saw the whole thing.
It wasn't for reals!
That's what they all say.
Luckily, I have
a consolation prize for you:
a one-way ticket to a place
to make the sad times go away.
So am I supposed to
take a cab or...?
[PLAYING SAXOPHONE]
Huh?
Whoa!
[♪♪♪]
SAD SAX:
There she is: Dumptown, USA.
You're gonna
love it here, man.
I'm not here for me!
I'm here to find
my friend Mordecai!
Mordecai?
Oh, yeah! I brought him here
like two weeks ago.
You know
where I can find him?
Well, he's probably
on a food run.
The new guy
always gets the food.
Try Dumptown Deli.
All right, man,
this is you.
You're not
coming with me?
Dumpees only, brother.
I'll chill around here
until you get back.
[SAXOPHONE PLAYING
Ugh! I hate that song!
[♪♪♪]
Ugh! Everybody's all gross
and wearing bathrobes in public.
Excuse me, sir,
have you seen a tall guy
by the name of Mordeca--
Aah!
Rigby! You made it!
Got dumped too, huh?
I knew Eileen couldn't
take it much longer.
[CHUCKLES]
Ugh. What? No!
Our breakup
wasn't for reals.
That's what they all say.
It's true! I came here
to bring you back
so you don't get fired!
Work? Pfft!
Look around you, man.
This place
is a paradise.
Also, now that
you're the new guy,
I don't have to
pick up food anymore!
Oh!
[COUGHS]
Maybe I'm not
making myself clear here.
If you don't
get back to work by tomorrow,
Benson's gonna fire you!
[DINGS]
Order up!
Come on, dude. We got
plenty of time to get back.
First, you got to come
check out the beach house.
[♪♪♪]
Wassup, roomies?
[ALL MUTTER]
I brought you guys
some French dips!
[ALL GASP]
[FLIES BUZZING]
Dude, this is
no way to live.
It's the only way
to live.
Eh? Eh?
Nyah!
Aw, dude.
That was my brunch.
Nobody eats brunch at home!
Only losers do!
Come on, man.
Don't be like that.
Hey, I know what you need:
A grand tour of Dumptown.
Come on. There's plenty
of fun things to do.
Aren't you gonna
clean that up?
Nah.
Jeffrey's got it.
[WHEEZING]
Now chop-chop.
Dumptown awaits.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
MORDECAI:
Band practice!
[SAXOPHONES PLAYING OFF-KEY]
Here, dude!
Give it a whirl!
No! I've had it
with this place!
Come on. We're going back
to the park right now.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll go, I'll go.
All right, guys,
one more time!
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Nyah!
You're being ridiculous!
All of this
because C.J. dumped you?
C.J. who?
You've changed, man.
I don't even know
who I'm talking to anymore.
Nah, man, you don't understand.
This place is good for me.
It's given me a chance
to rethink my life, you know?
I know things have been
hard for you,
but C.J. is
just one girl, man.
There's so many more
out there.
But you're not
gonna meet them
if you're trapped
in this place.
Look, I don't see
what the big deal is.
I've only been here
a couple days.
A couple of days?
Dude, you've been here
for two weeks!
Wait, what?
No way!
That can't be right.
I just got here.
Right, guys?
Yeah, man,
you just got here.
1994.
...September
or...
Stacy who?
See, dude?
Everyone is so out of it
because there's no concept
of time here.
You're wasting
your life away.
Look at yourself!
[GASPS]
[COUGHS WHEEZILY]
[MUMBLES]
[WHEEZING]
[GASPS]
You're right, dude.
I don't wanna
wind up here forever.
Let's go! Hup!
Hey!
Mordecai and his little buddy
Ricky took off!
Let's get 'em!
[BOTH PANTING]
You can't
leave Dumptown!
Yeah! Who's gonna
pick up the food for us?
[BOTH GRUNT]
[ALL SHOUTING]
How do we
get out of here?
The drawbridge!
[♪♪♪]
We're not gonna make it!
Look!
Hey, you need to sign
the Lazy Wheelz rental agree--
Ah, whatever.
[ALL SHOUTING]
Dude! Can't this thing
go any faster?
RIGBY:
I'm trying! I'm trying!
MAN: There they go!
[ALL SHOUTING]
[BELL CLANGING]
[PLAYING SAXOPHONE]
RIGBY: Sad Sax!
We're not
gonna make it!
Hmm! Hmm!
Time to lose
these losers.
[BEEPS]
[ALL GROAN]
Hold on!
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[TIRES SCREECH]
[BOTH WAILING]
Wow. I don't think I've seen
anyone leave Dumptown like that.
Most guys stay for years.
Or never come back at all.
Well,
I'm ready to go home.
You got it, brother.
[PLAYING SAXOPHONE]
[BOTH GRUNT]
[BOTH GROANING]
Welcome back
to the real world, dude.
I guess.
I admit Dumptown was
a pretty lame place.
But things were definitely
a lot simpler there.
You want simple?
Take a break from dating, man.
Forget about the chicks
and just focus on
what's best for Mordecai.
Yeah. You're right.
Well, well.
Look who decided
to finally show up.
Go take a shower,
burn that bathrobe,
and get back to work,
or you're fired!
Oh. Hey, Sad Sax.
What's up, Benson?
[CELL PHONE BUZZES, BEEPS]
Eileen? It's me.
Am I still dumped?
Aah! Ethiopian food?
It wasn't for reals!
[♪♪♪]
[VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYING]
Okay, whoever makes this jump
gets to choose lunch.
You're on!
Oh!
We're going
to Wing Kingdom!
[SIGHS]
Rigby, did you clean out
the gutters yet?
No way.
That's a two-man job.
Where's Mordecai?
Don't know. I haven't seen him.
I haven't seen him
since C.J. dumped him
at Muscle Man's wedding.
Yeah, no one has.
He hasn't come to work
for two weeks now.
I've tried calling,
but he won't pick up.
What?
No, here. I'll call him.
[PHONE SPEED-DIALS]
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
Huh.
That's not like
Mordecai.
I can't believe this!
You don't even know
where your best friend is?
Hey, I've been busy.
Look, I'm just
as concerned about
the well-being of my employees
as any park manager,
but I've got a business
to run here.
If you don't find
Mordecai
and bring him back to work
tomorrow,
then I'm gonna
have to fire him.
What? Wait!
I can find him!
Well, for your sake,
I hope so.
Otherwise, you'll be cleaning
the gutters solo from now on.
Come on, Mordecai.
Give me a clue here.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Hello?
Hey. I checked
with Margaret.
She hasn't seen or heard
from Mordecai.
His parents don't know
where he is, either.
I don't think he'd be hanging
with C.J. any time soon.
Guess I'll start putting up
these fliers around town.
Hopefully,
100 should be enough.
I'll keep riffling through
his personal stuff
that he doesn't like me
touching. See ya.
[GRUNTS]
Huh?
"Dear Mordecai,
stop wallowing in your lady woes
and come have sodas
with other single bros."
SAD SAX:
There's a place
with hot sandy beaches
and an all-you-can-eat
buffet.
So pick up your sax
and jam with the crew
in Dumptown, USA!
Signed, Sad Sax.
Aah! Sad Sax guy?
I should have known!
And Dumptown, USA?
That sounds so lame.
I bet nobody's even
been to this place.
I have.
Dumptown is a refuge for guys
who have recently been dumped,
a place where they can
forget about their breakups
and embrace
their newfound singlehood.
Wow. That's depressing.
Oh, no!
Dumptown is great!
[♪♪♪]
BENSON:
Throughout my life,
whenever I got dumped,
it was the perfect place
to forget about
all my ex-girlfriends.
[SIGHS]
Ashley who?
Monica who?
Patricia who?
Lisa who?
Whoo-hoo!
Audrey who?
Yep. Good times.
So good that some people
don't ever leave.
And I don't
blame them.
Okay, well,
how do I get there?
The only way
you can get to Dumptown
is to get dumped.
[♪♪♪]
So...let me
get this straight.
You...want me
to dump you?
Yes.
As in break up with me?
Yes.
So you can be
magically transported
to a beach full of losers
so Mordecai
doesn't lose his job?
Yeah, that's right.
No!
Aw, come on!
It's not for reals!
[SIGHS]
Fine.
Rigby, it's not you,
it's me.
I think we should
see other people.
Nothing's happening.
Put some more
feeling into it.
It's not called Gentle Letdown,
USA. I got to get dumped.
[SIGHS]
Well, I guess you
are pretty immature.
Go on.
You don't floss
or brush your teeth at all.
Keep going.
You're irresponsible,
lazy,
you never try anything new!
Now we're talking!
I've been wanting to try
that Ethiopian place
for weeks,
and you won't--
Whoa! Okay.
I think that's good.
You know what?
It's over! Get out!
Consider yourself dumped,
loser!
Don't call me!
Did I just get dumped
for reals?
[♪♪♪]
Pfft. Chicks, man.
How long
have you been up there?
Brother,
I saw the whole thing.
It wasn't for reals!
That's what they all say.
Luckily, I have
a consolation prize for you:
a one-way ticket to a place
to make the sad times go away.
So am I supposed to
take a cab or...?
[PLAYING SAXOPHONE]
Huh?
Whoa!
[♪♪♪]
SAD SAX:
There she is: Dumptown, USA.
You're gonna
love it here, man.
I'm not here for me!
I'm here to find
my friend Mordecai!
Mordecai?
Oh, yeah! I brought him here
like two weeks ago.
You know
where I can find him?
Well, he's probably
on a food run.
The new guy
always gets the food.
Try Dumptown Deli.
All right, man,
this is you.
You're not
coming with me?
Dumpees only, brother.
I'll chill around here
until you get back.
[SAXOPHONE PLAYING
Ugh! I hate that song!
[♪♪♪]
Ugh! Everybody's all gross
and wearing bathrobes in public.
Excuse me, sir,
have you seen a tall guy
by the name of Mordeca--
Aah!
Rigby! You made it!
Got dumped too, huh?
I knew Eileen couldn't
take it much longer.
[CHUCKLES]
Ugh. What? No!
Our breakup
wasn't for reals.
That's what they all say.
It's true! I came here
to bring you back
so you don't get fired!
Work? Pfft!
Look around you, man.
This place
is a paradise.
Also, now that
you're the new guy,
I don't have to
pick up food anymore!
Oh!
[COUGHS]
Maybe I'm not
making myself clear here.
If you don't
get back to work by tomorrow,
Benson's gonna fire you!
[DINGS]
Order up!
Come on, dude. We got
plenty of time to get back.
First, you got to come
check out the beach house.
[♪♪♪]
Wassup, roomies?
[ALL MUTTER]
I brought you guys
some French dips!
[ALL GASP]
[FLIES BUZZING]
Dude, this is
no way to live.
It's the only way
to live.
Eh? Eh?
Nyah!
Aw, dude.
That was my brunch.
Nobody eats brunch at home!
Only losers do!
Come on, man.
Don't be like that.
Hey, I know what you need:
A grand tour of Dumptown.
Come on. There's plenty
of fun things to do.
Aren't you gonna
clean that up?
Nah.
Jeffrey's got it.
[WHEEZING]
Now chop-chop.
Dumptown awaits.
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
MORDECAI:
Band practice!
[SAXOPHONES PLAYING OFF-KEY]
Here, dude!
Give it a whirl!
No! I've had it
with this place!
Come on. We're going back
to the park right now.
Yeah, yeah.
I'll go, I'll go.
All right, guys,
one more time!
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Nyah!
You're being ridiculous!
All of this
because C.J. dumped you?
C.J. who?
You've changed, man.
I don't even know
who I'm talking to anymore.
Nah, man, you don't understand.
This place is good for me.
It's given me a chance
to rethink my life, you know?
I know things have been
hard for you,
but C.J. is
just one girl, man.
There's so many more
out there.
But you're not
gonna meet them
if you're trapped
in this place.
Look, I don't see
what the big deal is.
I've only been here
a couple days.
A couple of days?
Dude, you've been here
for two weeks!
Wait, what?
No way!
That can't be right.
I just got here.
Right, guys?
Yeah, man,
you just got here.
1994.
...September
or...
Stacy who?
See, dude?
Everyone is so out of it
because there's no concept
of time here.
You're wasting
your life away.
Look at yourself!
[GASPS]
[COUGHS WHEEZILY]
[MUMBLES]
[WHEEZING]
[GASPS]
You're right, dude.
I don't wanna
wind up here forever.
Let's go! Hup!
Hey!
Mordecai and his little buddy
Ricky took off!
Let's get 'em!
[BOTH PANTING]
You can't
leave Dumptown!
Yeah! Who's gonna
pick up the food for us?
[BOTH GRUNT]
[ALL SHOUTING]
How do we
get out of here?
The drawbridge!
[♪♪♪]
We're not gonna make it!
Look!
Hey, you need to sign
the Lazy Wheelz rental agree--
Ah, whatever.
[ALL SHOUTING]
Dude! Can't this thing
go any faster?
RIGBY:
I'm trying! I'm trying!
MAN: There they go!
[ALL SHOUTING]
[BELL CLANGING]
[PLAYING SAXOPHONE]
RIGBY: Sad Sax!
We're not
gonna make it!
Hmm! Hmm!
Time to lose
these losers.
[BEEPS]
[ALL GROAN]
Hold on!
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[TIRES SCREECH]
[BOTH WAILING]
Wow. I don't think I've seen
anyone leave Dumptown like that.
Most guys stay for years.
Or never come back at all.
Well,
I'm ready to go home.
You got it, brother.
[PLAYING SAXOPHONE]
[BOTH GRUNT]
[BOTH GROANING]
Welcome back
to the real world, dude.
I guess.
I admit Dumptown was
a pretty lame place.
But things were definitely
a lot simpler there.
You want simple?
Take a break from dating, man.
Forget about the chicks
and just focus on
what's best for Mordecai.
Yeah. You're right.
Well, well.
Look who decided
to finally show up.
Go take a shower,
burn that bathrobe,
and get back to work,
or you're fired!
Oh. Hey, Sad Sax.
What's up, Benson?
[CELL PHONE BUZZES, BEEPS]
Eileen? It's me.
Am I still dumped?
Aah! Ethiopian food?
It wasn't for reals!
[♪♪♪]