Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 6, Episode 17 - Happy Birthday Song Contest - full transcript
Mordecai and Rigby enter into a contest that gives the winner a chance to re-create the "Happy Birthday Song".
[♪♪♪]
[BELL DINGS]
And voilà.
Oh, this cake looks so yummy!
And now I'm gonna eat the whole
thing all by myself. Mmm!
Cake.
Want cake.
BOTH:
Need cake.
Why don't we
just go get cake?
Are you kidding? You know
how crazy cake prices are?
Ever since that bakery cartel
moved in,
they've kept
the prices up
and the supply down.
Darn bakers!
JIMMY [ON TV]:
Fellow Americans,
does this happen to you?
It's Susan's birthday,
everyone.
Come on,
let's sing.
ALL: ♪ Hap-- ♪
[SCREAMS]
Are you sick to death of this
tried old birthday song?
Yes, I am!
Well, boy, howdy, so am I!
Hi, it's me,
Farmer Jimmy,
part-time turkey farmer
and social advocate,
but you already knew that.
But what you may not know
is that old birthday song
offends my musical
sensibilities so deeply,
I barely have words
to describe it.
That's why
I'm holding a contest
to write a new birthday song.
Not only will the winner
create history
by finally overthrowing
"Happy Birthday,"
but you also get
a year's supply
of our farm-fresh
birthday cakes!
MAN:
Birthday cakes are
not actually farm fresh.
I'll see you at the farm--
Not singing that song,
but your new one!
Dude, a year's supply of cake?
We gotta write the next
"Happy Birthday" song.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
Can we get
the next three days off?
Um, no.
But Benson,
we have to compete
in a birthday song contest.
If we don't write a song
to replace "Happy Birthday"--
Wait,
the song that wins this
will replace
"Happy Birthday"?
You can go to the contest.
BOTH: Nice!
I'm counting on you guys
to put
that "Happy Birthday" song
in its grave. I can't--
Hey, Muscle Man.
[GRUNTS]
Three.
Will you listen to
our new birthday song
and tell us what you think?
Por supuesto.
This is the first thing
we came up with,
so it may be rough.
Unnecessary information noted.
Ready?
[BOTH INHALE DEEPLY]
[LOUD CREAKING]
[SNIFFLES]
Okay, one--
That sound was my new
leather workout boots--
Still breakin' 'em in.
And two--
That song--
I've never heard anything
more beautiful.
I can't believe we nailed
the new song on the first try.
I can believe it. We've been
nailing life recently.
So, how far away
is this farm exactly?
Looks like it's gonna
take us all night.
I'm getting hungry!
There should be a diner.
We could stop there.
All right.
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
Pie. Pie.
Cake!
Fifty bucks a slice?
Quit your gaspin'.
It's a fair price.
No dessert?
No, thanks to
the cake cartel.
I can't decide between
"sherbet" or "sherbert."
[RHYTHMIC CLAPPING]
WAITERS:
♪ It's your birthday
Birthday ♪
♪ Happy, happy birthday ♪
Aaah! Make it stop!
But it's your birthday,
sweetie.
I don't want it to be
my birthday
if they're gonna sing
that song. Aaah!
Can't somebody
do something?
♪ Happy, happy birthday ♪
That poor kid.
Oh! Are all birthday songs
terrible?
Dude.
♪ Birthday, birthday ♪
♪ Happy, happy birthday
Birthday ♪
Holster them hand claps,
bro.
[INHALE DEEPLY]
[VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING]
[WHIRRING CONTINUES]
[WHIRRING STOPS]
That song was cool.
You write that?
Yeah, we're entering it
in this birthday song contest.
[♪♪♪]
[BUTTONS BEEP]
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Yes?
What? A contest?
No, no, no.
Thank you for letting me know.
[DOOR CREAKS]
[GOBBLING]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
[SNORING]
Huh?
Huh? We made it!
Well, this is quite a turnout.
Welcome all to the first--
And last.
--Farmer Jimmy
birthday song competition!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Are you folks ready
for a new birthday song?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
A song to replace the most
overused song of all time,
one that takes
a beautiful day of celebration
and turns it into
the worst day of your life?
[CROWD MURMURING]
Good, then!
Each of our contestants will
perform a new birthday song,
and our judges will rate them
one through 10,
with a highest possible total
of 30 lit candles.
To clarify...
Thirty candles-- Good.
Zero candles-- Bad.
And there are no trick candles.
I've checked.
In conclusion, the contestant
with the best score
will receive a year's supply
of farm fresh cakes.
May the best new birthday song
win!
[NOISEMAKER BLOWS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ It's nice to enjoy
The presence of your friends ♪
♪ Nice to enjoy sweet treats ♪
♪ Baked a real fine cake ♪
♪ It's gonna make you shake ♪
♪ Baked a real... ♪
♪ As we melt away
By candlelight ♪
[BLOWS]
♪ And have a happy... ♪
♪ So I can sing you
A little song ♪
♪ 'Bout the day
You came out of your mom ♪
Mom,
get off the stage!
♪ Presents are comin' ♪
♪ B-b-b-b-b-better roll up your
Sleeves, sleeves, sleeves ♪
♪ S-s-s-s-- ♪
♪ Happy birthday ♪
♪ Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
[FEEDBACK WHINES]
[GRUNTS]
♪ And just when you think
You're safe ♪
♪ It's your birthday again ♪
♪ And again and again
And again ♪
Aw.
♪ And again ♪
♪ Party hard ♪
[UNDULATING]
[BLOWING]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Twenty-eight!
Now, that was a good birthday.
Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm!
That's a tough number to beat,
and only one song left
in our competition.
Please welcome last year's
Thanksgiving song winners,
Mordecai and Rigby!
Whoo!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Well, this is just our little
version of "Happy Birthday."
[BOTH INHALE DEEPLY]
[BOTH COUGHING]
Oh, no!
No, no!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did somebody say my name?
Happy Birthday himself.
The guest of honor is here!
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
Oh, quite the party.
[SLURPS]
I've had better.
JIMMY: Stop that!
Stop what?
Happy Birthday, you scoundrel,
you're ruining the contest!
Get off of my stage!
Or what--
You're not gonna invite me to
your birthday party?
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
Oh!
[CHOKING]
Dude, we were
just about to sing.
Yeah, what you just did
was not cool.
Oh, you want to know
what's not cool?
Writing a new birthday song
is what's not cool.
America loves "Happy Birthday."
You love "Happy Birthday,"
Mordecai and Rigby.
That's not true!
"Happy Birthday"
is a tired, old song,
and the people want
something new.
Isn't that right,
America?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Yeah!
Shut your cakehole, America!
You'll never win
the birthday song contest
when you're up against
"Happy Birthday!"
♪ Happy birthday
To you ♪
No! No!
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday
Dear everyone! ♪
[LAUGHING EVILLY]
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
So, what does that--
Ah!
CROWD:
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
Yes!
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
♪ Happy birthday... ♪
♪ Yeah, happy birthday! ♪
♪ ...To you ♪
To you!
♪ Happy birthday, dear... ♪
♪ Bob ♪
♪ Austin ♪
HAPPY BIRTHDAY:
That's right--
Say their names!
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
You'll never overthrow
my song!
There'll be no birthdays
without it!
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
Then all is lost.
I guess you can't solve
every problem
with an overly complicated
farm-themed song contest.
Guess I'll have to throw away
that year's supply of cake,
but you already knew that.
[IN UNISON]:
Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Give us the chance
to sing our song.
Goodbye!
Thanks for coming!
[BOTH INHALE DEEPLY]
BOTH:
♪ Today's gonna be a-okay ♪
♪ 'Cause we're celebratin'
Your birthday ♪
♪ Happy birthday, C.J. ♪
♪ Celebratin' your birthday ♪
What are you doing?
♪ Today's gonna be a-okay ♪
♪ 'Cause we're celebratin'
Your birthday ♪
♪ Happy birthday ♪
♪ Randall ♪
♪ Celebratin' your birthday ♪
Sounds simple and fresh.
That's pretty catchy.
♪ Today's gonna be a-okay ♪
♪ 'Cause we're celebratin'-- ♪
No, stop it!
♪ --your birthday
Happy birthday, everyone ♪
♪ Celebratin' your birthday ♪
♪ Today's gonna be a-okay ♪
[GROWLS]
♪ 'Cause we're celebratin'
Your birthday ♪
♪ Happy birthday, everyone ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
Come on!
Aah!
♪ Happy birthday to-- ♪
Get off of my stage!
♪ Happy birthday, everyone ♪
[ORGAN PLAYS]
♪ Celebratin' your birthday ♪
♪ Today's gonna be a-okay ♪
♪ 'Cause we're celebratin'
Your birthday ♪
♪ Happy birthday, everyone ♪
♪ Celebratin' your birthday ♪
♪ Today's gonna be a-okay ♪
♪ 'Cause we're celebratin'
Your birthday ♪
♪ Happy birthday, everyone ♪
♪ Celebratin' your birthday ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
JIMMY:
Thirty candles--
A perfect score!
Mordecai and Rigby
are the winners!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Fine.
Who needs you, anyways?
You see how you like
the limelight,
the collecting of
all those royalties.
And just wait until people start
getting sick of your song--
Then you'll see how it feels!
And then you'll all
come crawling back,
back to good 'ol
"Happy Birthday"!
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
Later, losers!
[ENGINE GRINDING]
[GRUNTS]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
Later, losers!
Wow! Great job, guys!
Yeah, you wiped the floor
with that creepy cake.
It was nothing.
No biggie.
Well, congratulations,
boys.
You earned
that year's supply of cakes.
Yeah!
You'll have to go over
some details with my lawyer,
but you already knew that.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
Sign here to claim your cake
and acknowledge that
your song will never replace
the original
"Happy Birthday" song.
Bring in the lump sum!
Lump sum?
[BEEPING, BRAKES SQUEAL]
Well, you guys
wanted cake.
[LAUGHS]
[IN UNISON]
Free cake!
[♪♪♪]
[BELL DINGS]
And voilà.
Oh, this cake looks so yummy!
And now I'm gonna eat the whole
thing all by myself. Mmm!
Cake.
Want cake.
BOTH:
Need cake.
Why don't we
just go get cake?
Are you kidding? You know
how crazy cake prices are?
Ever since that bakery cartel
moved in,
they've kept
the prices up
and the supply down.
Darn bakers!
JIMMY [ON TV]:
Fellow Americans,
does this happen to you?
It's Susan's birthday,
everyone.
Come on,
let's sing.
ALL: ♪ Hap-- ♪
[SCREAMS]
Are you sick to death of this
tried old birthday song?
Yes, I am!
Well, boy, howdy, so am I!
Hi, it's me,
Farmer Jimmy,
part-time turkey farmer
and social advocate,
but you already knew that.
But what you may not know
is that old birthday song
offends my musical
sensibilities so deeply,
I barely have words
to describe it.
That's why
I'm holding a contest
to write a new birthday song.
Not only will the winner
create history
by finally overthrowing
"Happy Birthday,"
but you also get
a year's supply
of our farm-fresh
birthday cakes!
MAN:
Birthday cakes are
not actually farm fresh.
I'll see you at the farm--
Not singing that song,
but your new one!
Dude, a year's supply of cake?
We gotta write the next
"Happy Birthday" song.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
Can we get
the next three days off?
Um, no.
But Benson,
we have to compete
in a birthday song contest.
If we don't write a song
to replace "Happy Birthday"--
Wait,
the song that wins this
will replace
"Happy Birthday"?
You can go to the contest.
BOTH: Nice!
I'm counting on you guys
to put
that "Happy Birthday" song
in its grave. I can't--
Hey, Muscle Man.
[GRUNTS]
Three.
Will you listen to
our new birthday song
and tell us what you think?
Por supuesto.
This is the first thing
we came up with,
so it may be rough.
Unnecessary information noted.
Ready?
[BOTH INHALE DEEPLY]
[LOUD CREAKING]
[SNIFFLES]
Okay, one--
That sound was my new
leather workout boots--
Still breakin' 'em in.
And two--
That song--
I've never heard anything
more beautiful.
I can't believe we nailed
the new song on the first try.
I can believe it. We've been
nailing life recently.
So, how far away
is this farm exactly?
Looks like it's gonna
take us all night.
I'm getting hungry!
There should be a diner.
We could stop there.
All right.
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
Pie. Pie.
Cake!
Fifty bucks a slice?
Quit your gaspin'.
It's a fair price.
No dessert?
No, thanks to
the cake cartel.
I can't decide between
"sherbet" or "sherbert."
[RHYTHMIC CLAPPING]
WAITERS:
♪ It's your birthday
Birthday ♪
♪ Happy, happy birthday ♪
Aaah! Make it stop!
But it's your birthday,
sweetie.
I don't want it to be
my birthday
if they're gonna sing
that song. Aaah!
Can't somebody
do something?
♪ Happy, happy birthday ♪
That poor kid.
Oh! Are all birthday songs
terrible?
Dude.
♪ Birthday, birthday ♪
♪ Happy, happy birthday
Birthday ♪
Holster them hand claps,
bro.
[INHALE DEEPLY]
[VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING]
[WHIRRING CONTINUES]
[WHIRRING STOPS]
That song was cool.
You write that?
Yeah, we're entering it
in this birthday song contest.
[♪♪♪]
[BUTTONS BEEP]
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
Yes?
What? A contest?
No, no, no.
Thank you for letting me know.
[DOOR CREAKS]
[GOBBLING]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
[SNORING]
Huh?
Huh? We made it!
Well, this is quite a turnout.
Welcome all to the first--
And last.
--Farmer Jimmy
birthday song competition!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Are you folks ready
for a new birthday song?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
A song to replace the most
overused song of all time,
one that takes
a beautiful day of celebration
and turns it into
the worst day of your life?
[CROWD MURMURING]
Good, then!
Each of our contestants will
perform a new birthday song,
and our judges will rate them
one through 10,
with a highest possible total
of 30 lit candles.
To clarify...
Thirty candles-- Good.
Zero candles-- Bad.
And there are no trick candles.
I've checked.
In conclusion, the contestant
with the best score
will receive a year's supply
of farm fresh cakes.
May the best new birthday song
win!
[NOISEMAKER BLOWS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ It's nice to enjoy
The presence of your friends ♪
♪ Nice to enjoy sweet treats ♪
♪ Baked a real fine cake ♪
♪ It's gonna make you shake ♪
♪ Baked a real... ♪
♪ As we melt away
By candlelight ♪
[BLOWS]
♪ And have a happy... ♪
♪ So I can sing you
A little song ♪
♪ 'Bout the day
You came out of your mom ♪
Mom,
get off the stage!
♪ Presents are comin' ♪
♪ B-b-b-b-b-better roll up your
Sleeves, sleeves, sleeves ♪
♪ S-s-s-s-- ♪
♪ Happy birthday ♪
♪ Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
[FEEDBACK WHINES]
[GRUNTS]
♪ And just when you think
You're safe ♪
♪ It's your birthday again ♪
♪ And again and again
And again ♪
Aw.
♪ And again ♪
♪ Party hard ♪
[UNDULATING]
[BLOWING]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Twenty-eight!
Now, that was a good birthday.
Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm!
That's a tough number to beat,
and only one song left
in our competition.
Please welcome last year's
Thanksgiving song winners,
Mordecai and Rigby!
Whoo!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Well, this is just our little
version of "Happy Birthday."
[BOTH INHALE DEEPLY]
[BOTH COUGHING]
Oh, no!
No, no!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did somebody say my name?
Happy Birthday himself.
The guest of honor is here!
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
Oh, quite the party.
[SLURPS]
I've had better.
JIMMY: Stop that!
Stop what?
Happy Birthday, you scoundrel,
you're ruining the contest!
Get off of my stage!
Or what--
You're not gonna invite me to
your birthday party?
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
Oh!
[CHOKING]
Dude, we were
just about to sing.
Yeah, what you just did
was not cool.
Oh, you want to know
what's not cool?
Writing a new birthday song
is what's not cool.
America loves "Happy Birthday."
You love "Happy Birthday,"
Mordecai and Rigby.
That's not true!
"Happy Birthday"
is a tired, old song,
and the people want
something new.
Isn't that right,
America?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Yeah!
Shut your cakehole, America!
You'll never win
the birthday song contest
when you're up against
"Happy Birthday!"
♪ Happy birthday
To you ♪
No! No!
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday
Dear everyone! ♪
[LAUGHING EVILLY]
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
So, what does that--
Ah!
CROWD:
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
Yes!
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
♪ Happy birthday... ♪
♪ Yeah, happy birthday! ♪
♪ ...To you ♪
To you!
♪ Happy birthday, dear... ♪
♪ Bob ♪
♪ Austin ♪
HAPPY BIRTHDAY:
That's right--
Say their names!
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
You'll never overthrow
my song!
There'll be no birthdays
without it!
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
Then all is lost.
I guess you can't solve
every problem
with an overly complicated
farm-themed song contest.
Guess I'll have to throw away
that year's supply of cake,
but you already knew that.
[IN UNISON]:
Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Give us the chance
to sing our song.
Goodbye!
Thanks for coming!
[BOTH INHALE DEEPLY]
BOTH:
♪ Today's gonna be a-okay ♪
♪ 'Cause we're celebratin'
Your birthday ♪
♪ Happy birthday, C.J. ♪
♪ Celebratin' your birthday ♪
What are you doing?
♪ Today's gonna be a-okay ♪
♪ 'Cause we're celebratin'
Your birthday ♪
♪ Happy birthday ♪
♪ Randall ♪
♪ Celebratin' your birthday ♪
Sounds simple and fresh.
That's pretty catchy.
♪ Today's gonna be a-okay ♪
♪ 'Cause we're celebratin'-- ♪
No, stop it!
♪ --your birthday
Happy birthday, everyone ♪
♪ Celebratin' your birthday ♪
♪ Today's gonna be a-okay ♪
[GROWLS]
♪ 'Cause we're celebratin'
Your birthday ♪
♪ Happy birthday, everyone ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
Come on!
Aah!
♪ Happy birthday to-- ♪
Get off of my stage!
♪ Happy birthday, everyone ♪
[ORGAN PLAYS]
♪ Celebratin' your birthday ♪
♪ Today's gonna be a-okay ♪
♪ 'Cause we're celebratin'
Your birthday ♪
♪ Happy birthday, everyone ♪
♪ Celebratin' your birthday ♪
♪ Today's gonna be a-okay ♪
♪ 'Cause we're celebratin'
Your birthday ♪
♪ Happy birthday, everyone ♪
♪ Celebratin' your birthday ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
JIMMY:
Thirty candles--
A perfect score!
Mordecai and Rigby
are the winners!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Fine.
Who needs you, anyways?
You see how you like
the limelight,
the collecting of
all those royalties.
And just wait until people start
getting sick of your song--
Then you'll see how it feels!
And then you'll all
come crawling back,
back to good 'ol
"Happy Birthday"!
[LAUGHS EVILLY]
Later, losers!
[ENGINE GRINDING]
[GRUNTS]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
Later, losers!
Wow! Great job, guys!
Yeah, you wiped the floor
with that creepy cake.
It was nothing.
No biggie.
Well, congratulations,
boys.
You earned
that year's supply of cakes.
Yeah!
You'll have to go over
some details with my lawyer,
but you already knew that.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
Sign here to claim your cake
and acknowledge that
your song will never replace
the original
"Happy Birthday" song.
Bring in the lump sum!
Lump sum?
[BEEPING, BRAKES SQUEAL]
Well, you guys
wanted cake.
[LAUGHS]
[IN UNISON]
Free cake!
[♪♪♪]