Regular Show (2009–2017): Season 6, Episode 15 - Married and Broke - full transcript
Muscle Man and Starla participate in a game show to try to win their dream wedding.
[♪♪♪]
RIGBY:
Ugh! Why do we got to watch
the Wedding Network?
The Jet Ski Channel
is just two channels away.
Shut your face, bro.
I'm trying to get ideas for
Starla and I's wedding.
So far, I thought of
10-foot-tall onion-ring towers,
special seats
that spin doughnuts,
and a blimp that floats
above the reception
and rains barbecue sauce
on command.
TV ANNOUNCER:
Do you have an unrealistically
ambitious wedding?
No.
Then become a contestant
on Married and Broke.
A twisted new game show
from the makers of
Fool Me Once, Shame On You,
Fool Me Twice,
I Punch Your Face!"
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[BELLS DINGING]
Oh, I've seen this one
at Eileen's.
People do the craziest stuff
for a stupid wedding.
I give it like a 2 1/2.
Out of what?
I don't know.
Congratulations!
We're paying for
the wedding of your dreams!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[ALL SCREAMING]
I don't need some demeaning game
to pay for my wedding.
I have all the money
I could ever want.
What?! How?
Smart investments.
Yeah, I've been using
my paychecks to invest
in a little bumper stock called
the "Ant-Farm Industry."
ALL:
Ant farms?
I'm pretty much
basically rich.
[CELLPHONE RINGS]
Talk to me.
Muscle Man,
it's your stockbroker.
I'm calling to tell you that,
yeah, ant farms are not real.
Not a real thing to invest in.
A very bad investment.
And, uh, I am not
an accredited stockbroker.
What are you saying,
Maurice?
Oh, boy.
You got no money.
You just got a bunch of ants.
[CRYING]
Oh-ho-ho!
Good luck with
the rest of your life!
[DIAL TONE]
[BEEP]
What was that
all about?
[RINGTONE PLAYS]
Babe?
Babe.
The flowers for our wedding?
They're so expensive.
You won't believe
how expensive they are!
Oh, come on.
How many ant farms
are we talking here?
Mitch,
they don't take ant farms.
[♪♪♪]
MUSCLE MAN:
[CLEARS THROAT]
"So, that's why we want
to be on your... show."
Thank you.
Married and Broke
isn't a crass,
violent show
like Fool Me Twice.
It's a sweet,
romantic show about love.
A contestant's hair
is on fire!
Ugh! for the last time, Neil,
the infirmary's next door!
Thank you, Ma'am!
Anyway...
our audience wants to see
couples they can love,
and I fear
you may not be likable
or relatable enough
for our
viewers.
It's okay, Mitch.
Our wedding
will still be fine
without flowers
or anything else
a wedding
usually has.
[GROANS]
Uuuugh!
No one tells my girl where
she can and can't be on TV!
She's a goddess!
You couldn't
even handle her!
Mitch! Calm down!
Hmm. Now, this I like.
You guys are in.
Wait. what?
I said you're in.
[BOTH GASP]
Whoo-hoo!
Let's go win ourselves
a wedding!
[BOTH SMOOCHING]
I'm gonna get
the biggest bonus.
MORDECAI:
Dude, it's starting.
Turn it up!
Turn it up!
Try not to get crumbs
on the floor.
I've noticed an
ant problem lately.
Muscle Man's on a game show
so he can afford
his lavish wedding.
Make room for me
on the couch.
Hello, everybody, and welcome
to Married and Broke.
It's me, your host,
Mr. Kyle Garrity.
Let's meet our couples.
Hello there.
What's your story?
Well, we sell puppies.
But, you know,
with the economy,
we couldn't sell enough
puppies to afford our wedding.
Can we get a close-up
on that, Hank?
Ooh! That is one young dog.
[CROWD CHEERING]
How about you two?
Well, thanks
for asking, Kyle.
We learned
about five years ago,
that there are orphans.
So, like, we are a foundation
to end orphanism.
[CROWD CHEERING]
But we're a non-profit, so we
need to, like, pay the orphans
to put together our wedding.
That's so honorable.
Our next contestants,
Teddy and Tina!
Thank you. Thank you.
We lost our wedding fund
tragically,
while fighting in the army
for our great country.
We were carrying the money
on our backs,
but a grenade blew it up
while we saved an entire
platoon from a rebel attack.
But we'd do it again.
[♪♪♪]
BOTH:
For America!
[CROWD CHEERING]
And you two.
You...uh...
What's, uh...
What's all
this about?
Well, I'm, like,
a guy,
and she's, like,
a chick.
and we want 10-foot
onion rings at our wedding,
so that's what
we want to pay for.
[SPECTATORS SILENCE]
Well, aren't you good
at stating the idea
of the show.
Now for the rules.
You will compete in a set
of really crazy
physical challenges.
The last couple standing
wins the free wedding.
May the worst couple fail.
[BOTH GRUNTING, GASPING]
[GRUNT]
Huh! Ho!
[BOTH GASP]
[LAUGHS]
[BOTH SCREAM]
[GRUNTS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BOTH:
Huh! Ho!
[ALL CHEERING]
[ANTS CHATTERING]
Huh?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Oh, come on!
[GULPS]
[ALL GROWL]
BOTH:
Yeah!
[DOG BARKS]
[STRAINING]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[BOTH STRAINING]
Oh, no, bro!
[POP!]
We made it at
the last second.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
[BOTH GASPING]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[WHISTLES]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
And we're left with
two remaining teams.
Teddy and Tina.
How are you two holding up?
Well, Kyle, after
that rebel attack,
we're just happy
to be here.
It's like a dream.
BOTH:
Ah! An American dream!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
And in a very unlikely turn,
these guys.
Them.
Well, on to the final round,
"Cross the Threshold"!
The first team to carry their
fiancée across every threshold
and ring the wed-ding dong wins!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Uh, doesn't this obstacle course
look kinda like
the one from --
Are we made of money?!
On your marks!
[♪♪♪]
Get set.
Mitch...
We got this, babe.
Go!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[BOTH STRAINING]
Mitch!
[GRUNTS]
Suck it in.
Got it!
Come on, babe.
Mitch!
Hey!
Starla, come on!
We gotta--
STARLA: Mitch!
Huh?
Starla,
what's wrong?
Look at them, Mitch.
Hup! Hup! Ho!
BOTH:
Ho!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
What are you seeing here, babe?
They're the perfect couple,
Mitch.
They've got something special,
and everyone loves them.
And where does that leave us?
We're just second-rate.
People like us
don't get cheered on.
They see our love, and
it makes them wanna vomit.
[♪♪♪]
Listen, Starla.
I may have made some bad
investments in my life,
but this relationship
isn't one of them.
I don't care if people like us,
'cause I love you.
And we've got something
they don't have.
Passion.
Hold on.
Do those two have
actual wants
and desires?
I relate to that.
Even though they're really
hard to look at,
they're doing it
for love.
BOTH:
Yeah! All right!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[ZAPPING]
I've never seen
anything like that.
Toss me, Teddy.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[BELLS DINGING]
[COUGHING]
[ALL GASP]
Wow! Whoo!
Could we get an instant
replay on that, Hank?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Thank you! Thanks, everyone!
Thank you so much.
U.S.A., eh?
U.S.A., eh?
Huh? Hold up.
U.S.A. only has
three letters in it.
Say it again, bro.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh...
U.S.A...eh?
[ALL GASP]
Eh?
All right. Look.
We...
[SIGHS]
We sure are sorry.
We can't help it.
We're Canadians.
[ALL GASP]
How dare you!
So that's why they were
so nice and perfect.
[FEEDBACK]
Oh, we sure feel like
a couple of hosers.
We're just simple
maple farmers.
I ride my moose to work,
just like anyone else,
and I put my hockey mask
on one strap at a time.
We thought having a big,
fancy American wedding for free
was more important
than telling the truth.
And we're sorry.
[CRIES]
Get -- Get them out of my sight.
They are disqualified!
[BUZZER]
I'm sorry I forgot
your names before,
but television glorifies
beautiful people.
I've actually struggled
with my looks for years.
That's why I grew
this mustache.
Otherwise, I'd look
like a newborn baby.
Muscle Man and Starla
are the winners!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[♪♪♪]
I'm sorry I called us
second-rate, Mitch.
It's all right,
babe.
We'll still have
a first-rate wedding.
Could we have...a blimp
that rains barbecue sauce?
[GASPS]
Babe...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MORDECAI:
Is everyone okay?
I think we got them all.
Curse you,
Mordecai and Rigby!
We'll get you!
Thanks, Pops.
Oh, my pleasure!
So, do you think Muscle Man
and Starla won that game show?
[♪♪♪]
RIGBY:
Ugh! Why do we got to watch
the Wedding Network?
The Jet Ski Channel
is just two channels away.
Shut your face, bro.
I'm trying to get ideas for
Starla and I's wedding.
So far, I thought of
10-foot-tall onion-ring towers,
special seats
that spin doughnuts,
and a blimp that floats
above the reception
and rains barbecue sauce
on command.
TV ANNOUNCER:
Do you have an unrealistically
ambitious wedding?
No.
Then become a contestant
on Married and Broke.
A twisted new game show
from the makers of
Fool Me Once, Shame On You,
Fool Me Twice,
I Punch Your Face!"
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[BELLS DINGING]
Oh, I've seen this one
at Eileen's.
People do the craziest stuff
for a stupid wedding.
I give it like a 2 1/2.
Out of what?
I don't know.
Congratulations!
We're paying for
the wedding of your dreams!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[ALL SCREAMING]
I don't need some demeaning game
to pay for my wedding.
I have all the money
I could ever want.
What?! How?
Smart investments.
Yeah, I've been using
my paychecks to invest
in a little bumper stock called
the "Ant-Farm Industry."
ALL:
Ant farms?
I'm pretty much
basically rich.
[CELLPHONE RINGS]
Talk to me.
Muscle Man,
it's your stockbroker.
I'm calling to tell you that,
yeah, ant farms are not real.
Not a real thing to invest in.
A very bad investment.
And, uh, I am not
an accredited stockbroker.
What are you saying,
Maurice?
Oh, boy.
You got no money.
You just got a bunch of ants.
[CRYING]
Oh-ho-ho!
Good luck with
the rest of your life!
[DIAL TONE]
[BEEP]
What was that
all about?
[RINGTONE PLAYS]
Babe?
Babe.
The flowers for our wedding?
They're so expensive.
You won't believe
how expensive they are!
Oh, come on.
How many ant farms
are we talking here?
Mitch,
they don't take ant farms.
[♪♪♪]
MUSCLE MAN:
[CLEARS THROAT]
"So, that's why we want
to be on your... show."
Thank you.
Married and Broke
isn't a crass,
violent show
like Fool Me Twice.
It's a sweet,
romantic show about love.
A contestant's hair
is on fire!
Ugh! for the last time, Neil,
the infirmary's next door!
Thank you, Ma'am!
Anyway...
our audience wants to see
couples they can love,
and I fear
you may not be likable
or relatable enough
for our
viewers.
It's okay, Mitch.
Our wedding
will still be fine
without flowers
or anything else
a wedding
usually has.
[GROANS]
Uuuugh!
No one tells my girl where
she can and can't be on TV!
She's a goddess!
You couldn't
even handle her!
Mitch! Calm down!
Hmm. Now, this I like.
You guys are in.
Wait. what?
I said you're in.
[BOTH GASP]
Whoo-hoo!
Let's go win ourselves
a wedding!
[BOTH SMOOCHING]
I'm gonna get
the biggest bonus.
MORDECAI:
Dude, it's starting.
Turn it up!
Turn it up!
Try not to get crumbs
on the floor.
I've noticed an
ant problem lately.
Muscle Man's on a game show
so he can afford
his lavish wedding.
Make room for me
on the couch.
Hello, everybody, and welcome
to Married and Broke.
It's me, your host,
Mr. Kyle Garrity.
Let's meet our couples.
Hello there.
What's your story?
Well, we sell puppies.
But, you know,
with the economy,
we couldn't sell enough
puppies to afford our wedding.
Can we get a close-up
on that, Hank?
Ooh! That is one young dog.
[CROWD CHEERING]
How about you two?
Well, thanks
for asking, Kyle.
We learned
about five years ago,
that there are orphans.
So, like, we are a foundation
to end orphanism.
[CROWD CHEERING]
But we're a non-profit, so we
need to, like, pay the orphans
to put together our wedding.
That's so honorable.
Our next contestants,
Teddy and Tina!
Thank you. Thank you.
We lost our wedding fund
tragically,
while fighting in the army
for our great country.
We were carrying the money
on our backs,
but a grenade blew it up
while we saved an entire
platoon from a rebel attack.
But we'd do it again.
[♪♪♪]
BOTH:
For America!
[CROWD CHEERING]
And you two.
You...uh...
What's, uh...
What's all
this about?
Well, I'm, like,
a guy,
and she's, like,
a chick.
and we want 10-foot
onion rings at our wedding,
so that's what
we want to pay for.
[SPECTATORS SILENCE]
Well, aren't you good
at stating the idea
of the show.
Now for the rules.
You will compete in a set
of really crazy
physical challenges.
The last couple standing
wins the free wedding.
May the worst couple fail.
[BOTH GRUNTING, GASPING]
[GRUNT]
Huh! Ho!
[BOTH GASP]
[LAUGHS]
[BOTH SCREAM]
[GRUNTS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BOTH:
Huh! Ho!
[ALL CHEERING]
[ANTS CHATTERING]
Huh?
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Oh, come on!
[GULPS]
[ALL GROWL]
BOTH:
Yeah!
[DOG BARKS]
[STRAINING]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[BOTH STRAINING]
Oh, no, bro!
[POP!]
We made it at
the last second.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
[BOTH GASPING]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[WHISTLES]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
And we're left with
two remaining teams.
Teddy and Tina.
How are you two holding up?
Well, Kyle, after
that rebel attack,
we're just happy
to be here.
It's like a dream.
BOTH:
Ah! An American dream!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
And in a very unlikely turn,
these guys.
Them.
Well, on to the final round,
"Cross the Threshold"!
The first team to carry their
fiancée across every threshold
and ring the wed-ding dong wins!
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Uh, doesn't this obstacle course
look kinda like
the one from --
Are we made of money?!
On your marks!
[♪♪♪]
Get set.
Mitch...
We got this, babe.
Go!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[BOTH STRAINING]
Mitch!
[GRUNTS]
Suck it in.
Got it!
Come on, babe.
Mitch!
Hey!
Starla, come on!
We gotta--
STARLA: Mitch!
Huh?
Starla,
what's wrong?
Look at them, Mitch.
Hup! Hup! Ho!
BOTH:
Ho!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
What are you seeing here, babe?
They're the perfect couple,
Mitch.
They've got something special,
and everyone loves them.
And where does that leave us?
We're just second-rate.
People like us
don't get cheered on.
They see our love, and
it makes them wanna vomit.
[♪♪♪]
Listen, Starla.
I may have made some bad
investments in my life,
but this relationship
isn't one of them.
I don't care if people like us,
'cause I love you.
And we've got something
they don't have.
Passion.
Hold on.
Do those two have
actual wants
and desires?
I relate to that.
Even though they're really
hard to look at,
they're doing it
for love.
BOTH:
Yeah! All right!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[ZAPPING]
I've never seen
anything like that.
Toss me, Teddy.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[BELLS DINGING]
[COUGHING]
[ALL GASP]
Wow! Whoo!
Could we get an instant
replay on that, Hank?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Thank you! Thanks, everyone!
Thank you so much.
U.S.A., eh?
U.S.A., eh?
Huh? Hold up.
U.S.A. only has
three letters in it.
Say it again, bro.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh...
U.S.A...eh?
[ALL GASP]
Eh?
All right. Look.
We...
[SIGHS]
We sure are sorry.
We can't help it.
We're Canadians.
[ALL GASP]
How dare you!
So that's why they were
so nice and perfect.
[FEEDBACK]
Oh, we sure feel like
a couple of hosers.
We're just simple
maple farmers.
I ride my moose to work,
just like anyone else,
and I put my hockey mask
on one strap at a time.
We thought having a big,
fancy American wedding for free
was more important
than telling the truth.
And we're sorry.
[CRIES]
Get -- Get them out of my sight.
They are disqualified!
[BUZZER]
I'm sorry I forgot
your names before,
but television glorifies
beautiful people.
I've actually struggled
with my looks for years.
That's why I grew
this mustache.
Otherwise, I'd look
like a newborn baby.
Muscle Man and Starla
are the winners!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[♪♪♪]
I'm sorry I called us
second-rate, Mitch.
It's all right,
babe.
We'll still have
a first-rate wedding.
Could we have...a blimp
that rains barbecue sauce?
[GASPS]
Babe...
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
MORDECAI:
Is everyone okay?
I think we got them all.
Curse you,
Mordecai and Rigby!
We'll get you!
Thanks, Pops.
Oh, my pleasure!
So, do you think Muscle Man
and Starla won that game show?
[♪♪♪]