Red Oaks (2014–2017): Season 3, Episode 1 - Summer in the City - full transcript

Extra napkins?

Uh, no, thanks.

We have a ton at the office.

You know, uh, David Byrne almost
ran me over the other day.

What?

Uh...

David Byrne of the, uh,
the Talking Heads.

- Ran you over?
- Almost, yeah, on his bike.

Over on Thompson.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

I was like, "Hey, asshole!"



Then I realized who it was.

Then I was like, "Big fan!"

He's great. He's very good
at all the songs.

Yeah, yeah, I love him.

Yeah, me, too. I love him.

Yeah.

Seen his movie?

Stop Making Sense?

Yeah, I love it.
I actually own it.

No, I mean the one he directed
last year, True Stories.

Oh, no, I must have missed that.

It was a very excellent movie.

Very well-directed
and he's not a director.

- Oh, yeah?
- I'm a director.



Cool. Yeah, that's...

Yeah. I hear that the Film Forum
is screening it next week,

- if you're curious.
- Yeah.

- I'll have to check it out. Yeah.
- Yeah.

You want to?

Want to what?

See it.

Excuse me?

With me?

Oh. No.

- No?
- No offense, it's just

I'm a big believer in honesty

and, I don't know,
maybe once I would have told you

that I have a boyfriend
or that I'm into girls,

but I don't do that anymore

'cause it's not fair to me,
you know?

It's just...

- Right.
- Lies are toxic, you know?

And your liver can't really
filter them out,

so they just kind of
build and grow

until they become cancer
and just...

anyway, no.

Bye.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Mommy, Daddy,
come and look at me now ♪

♪ I'm a big man
in a great big town ♪

♪ Years ago who would
believe it's true? ♪

♪ Goes to show
what a little faith can do ♪

♪ I was complaining,
I was down in the dumps ♪

♪ I feel so strong now
'cause you pulled me up ♪

♪ Pulled me up, up, up, up,
up, up, up, up ♪

♪ Pulled me up, up, up, up,
up, up, up, up. ♪

I know where you're going
with this, Jerry.

Like, just a spr... a smattering
of some hot bods around the set.

As long as they don't
really touch Joan.

They just fawn a bit over her.

They will not touch her.

She'll be standing
on the Countach.

- Yes. Yeah.
- Okay.

This has to be about Joan.

- Okay?
- Well, we could discuss that.

- Completely.
- I mean, this is about the live show.

I mean, I have to say, Joan,

I saw The Runaways
play Japan in '77

and it was one of the most
amazing performances

I've ever witnessed.

That's cool.

What were you,
uh, doing over there?

I was working on an
international ad campaign.

Barf. What's this?

- Your salad.
- My what?

Your Oriental chicken salad with
ginger dressing on the side.

Salad?!

Does she look like
she fucking eats salad?!

Guys, if this is any indication
of what this fucking video

- is gonna be like...
- It's not, it's not.

This fucking salad
is disgusting.

Get that the fuck
out of here, please.

Do you know who she is?!

She's Joan Jett for fuck's sake.

Yeah. I'm... I'm so sorry.

I... I don't know what happened.

God, just get it out of here.

So sorry, Joan.

Uh, what else can we
get for you?

Joan, look, here,
have my Monte Cristo.

Seriously, I'm not even
that hungry.

I'm just fucking with you, kid.

I did order the salad.

She was just fucking with you!

- Good one.
- Yay.

Ah, Joan!

Very funny.

Here you are.

Hey, Annabelle, what's up?

- Joan Jett wanted me to give this to you.
- Why?

She said she was sorry
for effing with you.

Also, that you need
to step up your look.

She said "effing"?

- Not exactly.
- Hmm.

Say "fuck."

- No.
- Come on.

- I'm having a shitty day.
- Say...

Why are you having a crappy day?

Because, as of today, I've been
working here for nine months,

and Derek still won't give me
any responsibilities

greater than grabbing lunch
or making copies.

Sorry. Well...

here, why don't you try this on?

- Maybe it'll cheer you up.
- No.

Yes.

It won't fit. It's a girl's.

Hmm, you have pretty
narrow shoulders.

How do I look?

Hmm.

Effing ridiculous.

Base salary is $300 a week,

but the real gelt... oh!
Is in the private lessons.

$50 an hour which you will
split with me 70/30.

How does that sound, boychik?
Oy.

Okay, I guess.

You guess?

Well, it's just, my friend
teaches tennis over at Windybush

and he splits his hourly 50/50.

Windybush?

Let me enlighten you
about Windybush

as someone who used
to work there.

It is a cesspool,
a Superfund site

built on an Indian
burial ground.

And they'll just let anybody in.

Mazda dealers, mafioso,
my ex-wife.

I've got it
on very good authority

that there is so much
venereal disease

among the membership there,
they had to double

the amount of chlorine
in the pool.

My sister is a lifeguard there.

Well, then I wouldn't recommend
sharing a towel with her.

My point, boychik,
is that Red Oaks

is a club of an entirely
different caliber

than Windybush.

And, yes, the split
on the hourly rate

is somewhat less in your favor,

but you will be teaching
captains of industry,

pillars of the community,
men without peer.

And as for their wives, well,

let's just say
you'd be hard-pressed

to find their equal elsewhere.

In fact, the most challenging
part of this job

is resisting their charms,
but resist them you must.

It's my one and only rule

for employment here,
is that understood?

Sure.

Good. Now, why don't you go get
acquainted with the pro shop?

I'll be right there.

Take you down to the courts.

There you go.

Oh, nice.

Marcus.

I'm sorry to bother you,
Mr. Getty.

- My man, what's up?
- You have a visitor.

Oh.

Frankie, got to go.

The wife's here.

All right.

Were you able to take care
of that thing we discussed?

Yes, sir.

Good man. Fellas.

Whoa. Edwin. How are you, buddy?

Thank you, Marcus.

Ma'am.

Thank you.

Sir.

Well, at least it doesn't smell
like balls today.

Oh, no, I had them do
a total scrubdown.

And check this out,
Egyptian cotton.

Wow. How'd you swing that?

The warden owes me a favor.

I've been giving him
investment advice.

Come on, give it a feel.

That's very nice.

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

Patience.

Come on. We only have an hour.

As memory serves,
you don't even need that long.

- Oh, are you funny.
- Hmm.

Yeah, but you know how
I like a little nap afterwards,

- so, let's, uh...
- I do. Here.

Make yourself useful
while I go change.

And light a candle.

All right. You go change.

So you heard from Skye lately?

Ugh.

We were supposed to have dinner
in the city one night,

and of course she canceled

because she had to go
to a protest thing.

What kind of protest?

Oh, I don't know.

Uh... uh, AIDS, uh, apartheid.

Anything that begins with
an "A," she wants to protest.

Eh, what is it with her?

Where'd she get this whole
saving the world thing?

- I don't know.
- She didn't get that from me,

that's got to be your side.

Wow.

Holy cow.

Okay, you look
really, really good.

You know, when you're giving
a woman a compliment,

the word "cow" should not be
anywhere near that sentence.

- Okay. My mistake.
- Just saying.

- Let me make it up to you.
- What's this?

Don't ask me how.
Believe me, in this place,

it's easier to get heroin.

Sweetheart,
that is so sweet and nice,

and I really appreciate
the gesture,

but I'm laying off
the sauce for a bit.

Really?

Okay.

Well, forget that.

And let's just, uh,
step into my office.

So, um...

Yeah.

Wow.

What are you doing?
What's the matter?

Promise you won't get mad?

Okay, you have my interest.

What?

I had to sell the watch
you bought me in Paris.

Why would you do that?

We need the cash.

In fact, I've been thinking,

I think it's time that,
you know, I get a job.

Whoa, whoa, what...
no, what... doing what?

Pharmaceutical sales.

My sister says I can make
60 to 70 grand a year.

No, no, absolutely not.

No, I forbid it.

Oh, you "forbid it"?

I...

Sweetie, call my lawyer,

and just tell him how much
you need to tide you over,

and then he'll wire some money
into the joint account.

- What money?
- Yeah, well...

I have some emergency funds
squirrelled away.

Where?

Here and there.

Eh, those two places.

It's gonna be okay. Listen.

In two months,
I have my parole hearing.

And then, once I'm out of here...

...we'll just put
this whole thing behind us.

Don't panic.

Can we fuck now?

Yeah, I guess so.

That's the spirit.

♪ We're gonna raise the roof,
yes, we are ♪

♪ We're gonna raise the roof
to God ♪

♪ We're gonna raise the roof,
yes, we are ♪

♪ We're gonna raise the roof
to God ♪

♪ We're gonna raise
the roof to God. ♪

Mm, yeah.

The Spirit was with you
today, Sam.

Well, thank you, sir.

You really should join us
for Bible study sometime.

You know, I would.

But I think if I did convert,

my dad might crawl out of his
grave at B'nai Israel Cemetery

and strangle me to death.

Have a good night.

Mm.

How's the sandwich?

Most delicious thing
I've ever put in my mouth.

No, no, no.
Really, really, how is it?

Swear on my mama's wig.

It's the only thing
I can do not to weep.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

You know what my secret is?

Sun-dried tomatoes.
I chop them up real fine,

and then I mix them in
with the mayonnaise.

How'd you come up with that?

I don't know, I read cookbooks
in the bathroom.

Well, you're an artist.

I didn't think you could top
last week's muffaletta,

but you did.

You know, it's funny.

When I first got divorced,
I thought I would

hate cooking for myself,
but turns out, I love it.

Hmm.

You're a regular Frugal Gourmet.

Eh.

Sis, you ready to go?

Oh, I still have to organize
these hymnals

and get all these robes
put away.

Well, I got to get home.

'Cause Laverne
is at a PTA meeting,

and I don't trust
Junior home alone.

- He might burn the house down.
- Well, you know,

I'm not in a rush. I could
stick around and help you out,

you know, give you a lift home.

Oh, that's kind of you, Sam,
but I don't want to be a bother.

No, no problem.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah. Yeah, go on, get out of here.

- Ah.
- I'll see you at the office.

Thanks, buddy.

Sis. Mwah. See you later, yeah?

All right, bye, bye.

You think he suspects anything?

Mm-mm, nope.

You think we should tell him?

Uh, eventually.

Why, you think it's a bad idea?

Well, he's usually
a little overprotective

of me and my sister.

Once, he tried
to run over my ex-husband

after he found out
he was cheating on me.

You know what?
Let's not tell him.

We need to get through
about 30 shots a day,

and I told you about 150 times

that I really want
a crane to boom down.

Right when the band comes in,
I want there to be smoke.

Look, I'm not trying to scare
the audience away, you know?

It's like, something where
it's like... in your face,

- Yeah, right.
- But also

- I want you to ease in, and I want...
- You.

- What are you doing right now?
- Uh, nothing.

Okay, I need 25 mannequins.

- Sorry?
- Do you need me to write it down?

Maybe you can read lips, here:

25 mannequins, female.

And make sure they're silver.

Right now we're
in a music video...

Derek? Derek? Uh...

- Derek, wh-where do I get them?
- I'm sorry.

Were you a crack baby
or are you just retarded?

How should I know
where to find mannequins?

Do I look like a tailor? No.

Now get on it before I find
something more intelligent

to replace you with,
like an aloe plant.

Throwing it in the faces
of the audience.

We're trying
to work this thing together,

and I feel like...

Who's this guy?

Hey. After you. Go ahead, yeah.

Nash!

My dear.

Hi.

Oh, look at you, like Bo Derek.

Ah. Good to see you.

- Good to see you.
- Mm-hmm.

How you doing? You flossing?

- Every day. I love it!
- Good boy.

And you've got a graduation
coming up, is that correct?

Yeah, yeah, in August.

Yeah, I finished
all my coursework.

All I have left
is 30 hours of observation

at a dental practice,
then I'm done.

I assume you have
some grand plans to celebrate.

Uh, you know, I mean,
Wheeler and I have been talking

- about going away for a few days.
- Oh!

But the truth is,
we're so broke from school.

- Ah, yes. Huh.
- So...

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. Uh, you know,

I should probably get ready
to teach my tadpole class.

- Of course.
- Catch you later.

- Yes.
- All right.

Uh, uh, Misty.

Uh, might I ask you

a small question, please?

Have you, have you noticed
an inordinate number of, uh...

uh, uh, Japanese gentlemen
about the club recently?

- Japanese gentlemen?
- Mm-hmm.

Um, no.

Why?

No reason.

Children, come learn.

Learn to swim from the best.

All right, tadpoles.

I'm effed.

- What's wrong?
- I need your help.

Derek sent me
to find 25 mannequins,

so I called
every prop house in the city.

Nobody has any.

So I've been to Saks, Macy's,
Barneys, Bloomingdale's.

None of them are willing
to rent their mannequins,

so now I'm out of ideas.

What do I do?

Come with me.

Where you going?

Garment district.

Won't you get in trouble?

No. Susan's on set all day.

She won't even notice.

Great.

♪ There's a sadness ♪

♪ To this night ♪

♪ Even when I sing a tune ♪

♪ In the future,
you could listen along ♪

♪ Dance to pieces
right around the room ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Baby, your song ♪

♪ Wouldn't want
to let you down ♪

- ♪ Baby, your song ♪
- ♪ For the hint and situation ♪

- ♪ Baby, your song ♪
- ♪ From your loving call ♪

- ♪ Baby, your song ♪
- ♪ Love to see you thrive ♪

- ♪ Baby, your song ♪
- ♪ You're never out of town ♪

- ♪ Baby, your song ♪
- ♪ But you're never at home ♪

♪ Baby, your song ♪

♪ When you're looking
worse for wear ♪

♪ Baby, your song ♪

♪ Ship at harbor ♪

♪ Give it time. ♪

How did you know about that
place going out of business?

Oh, I walk past it every day.

It's right by my subway stop.

Ah, where do you live again?

44th and 11th.

Hell's Kitchen? Oh.

What?

Nothing.

Uh, well, my ex
is your neighbor.

Or was.
She could've moved by now.

Well, if she ever asks me
to borrow a cup of sugar,

I will be sure to say no to her.

Hmm, Skye isn't the type of girl
that does a lot of baking.

- Oh, no?
- No.

What kind of girl is she?

She's an artist, a painter.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

- Hmm.
- Last I heard, she was

taking classes
at The New School.

So, tortured.

More like complicated, you know?

Like a... only child
from a messed up family.

Yeah.

Which, I guess,
also describes me.

You're about
the opposite of complicated.

- Really?
- Yeah, I would say.

That's good, I think.

Do you miss her?

Uh, I don't know.

Sure, yeah, sometimes.

- Yeah?
- But...

I think by the end we both...
we kind of realized

that we were just too different
from each other.

I've never really bought into

- that whole "opposites attract" thing.
- No?

No. I just don't think it works.

Long-term, at least, right?

Right, well, yeah,
I'm a perfect example.

Yeah, exactly.

Can I have a drag?

Thank you.

So, what happened
with the bagel shop hottie?

Oh, it didn't happen.
She stood me up.

- You're kidding.
- No. I had a very good time alone.

Oh, my God!

That is so rude.

Yeah, it's no big deal.

I'm not sure how serious
it could've gone

about a girl
with so many tattoos.

You know? I mean...

we wouldn't have been able
to be buried together

at a Jewish cemetery.

It's a joke.

You don't have Jews back
in Nebraska, do you?

No, we-we do, we do.

- You do?
- We do. Yes.

The Rubens.

- The Ru...
- Mm-hmm.

The Rubens?

Well, hey, if you tell me
what kind of person

you're interested in,
I can set you up

with one of my single
girlfriends.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Hey.

Noah. Hey.

What are you doing here?

Uh, I was, uh, on my way
back to our place.

Figured I'd swing by
and surprise you.

Uh, do you want to grab
dinner somewhere?

Yes, yes, I do.

I'm Noah, by the way.

Oh, hey, yeah, I... I'm David.

- Great to finally meet you.
- David. Pleasure's mine.

Uh, you're welcome to join us
if you'd like.

Oh, that's very kind.

Um, I've got to get these
back to set, but thank you.

I'm not even gonna ask.

Thank you for, uh...
she saved my ass.

Uh, thank you so much.
You're great.

Anytime.

Nice to meet you.

Yeah, you, too.

Oh!

Are you trying to give me
my third heart attack?

I'm sorry, Herb.

I don't know what kind
of funny business

goes on in Turkish baths,
but in this country,

we don't play hide-and-seek
with our shvanz out.

Oh, dear, sorry.

My cousin Mehmet suffered from
hallucinations, but then again,

he was hit in the head with
a cricket ball as a child.

Those Japanese fellas sure
like their aftershave.

You've seen them, too?

Oh, saw 'em
on the golf course earlier.

Who are they?

The rumor is they're trying
to buy the club.

What?

All right, put a fan
on the other side.

We got to move the smoke around
'cause he has asthma.

Just set him up, okay?
He gets...

- Hey, Derek.
- What?

Mission accomplished.

The rest are still in the van.

Spray paint is still wet
on a few of them.

Should be ready by crew call
tomorrow.

Oh, those, yeah.

I don't need those anymore.

What did you say?

I don't need it anymore.

The director wants to go with
live chicks with body paint.

- What?
- We can't use that. That's sexist.

What do I do with...
where would you like them?

Kid, get it the fuck
out of here.

Put it anywhere. Bring it home.
Put it in your closet.

I don't fucking care.

Funny. Very funny.

Bye-bye.

Take her out,

buy her dinner. See you.

"Dear Mr. Meyers, thank you
for submitting your short film.

"Unfortunately, at this time,

we cannot include it in our
Young Director's Showcase."

Hello, Nasser.

How are you?

Is it true?

Is what true?

Are the Japanese
buying Red Oaks?

We've been approached.

What does that mean?

It means
there's serious interest.

But no offer, so...

Not yet, but...

we should have one any day.

Yuck.

I don't understand.

Why are we even considering
selling Red Oaks?

Because Red Oaks is in trouble.

Membership is down.

- Wha...
- Young families are...

are considering different ways
to spend their leisure time...

which-which is why...

we have no operating reserves,

and we're struggling to maintain
the fairway drainage

and irrigation systems and
a thousand other improvements

we should've made ages ago.

Dude!

Hey.

Sorry I'm late.
Traffic was a bitch.

Throw me the keys.

Catch.

Awesome.

That's your set.
Don't lose them.

So good to see you!

This summer is gonna be
very cool!

- All right, I'm coming up.
- Come on up.

All right. I'm coming up.

Come up then.

All right. I'm gonna do it.

All right. Seriously,
though, I'm gonna come up.

♪ You be illin' ♪

♪ Illin' ♪

♪ You be illin' ♪

♪ Illin' ♪

♪ You be illin' ♪

♪ Illin' ♪

♪ You be illin' ♪

♪ Today you won a ticket
to see Dr. J ♪

- ♪ Front row seat ♪
- ♪ In free ♪

♪ No pay ♪

♪ Radio in hand,
snacks by feet ♪

♪ Game's about to start, you
kickin' popcorn to the beat ♪

♪ You finally wake up,
Doc's gone to town ♪

♪ Round his back, through
the hoop, then you scream ♪

♪ "Touchdown!" ♪

♪ You be illin' ♪

♪ Illin' ♪

♪ You be illin' ♪

♪ Illin' ♪

♪ You be illin' ♪

- ♪ Illin' ♪
- ♪ Run, what'd you tell that kid? ♪

♪ You be illin' ♪

♪ The other day around the way ♪

♪ I seen you illin'
at a party ♪

♪ Drunk as a skunk,
you illin' punk ♪

♪ And in your left hand
was Bacardi ♪

♪ You went up to this
fly girl and said ♪

♪ "Yo, yo, can I get
this dance?" ♪

♪ She smelt your breath
and then she left ♪

♪ You standin'
in your illin' stance ♪

♪ You be illin' ♪

♪ Illin' ♪ -♪ You know
what your problem is? ♪

♪ You be illin' ♪

♪ Yo, Run, what did you
tell that kid? ♪

♪ You be illin' ♪

♪ Illin' ♪

♪ You be illin'. ♪