Red Oaks (2014–2017): Season 1, Episode 7 - Body Swap - full transcript

Ohh-ohh!

[whooping]

Yeah. Air conditioning.

- [applause]
- Yes.

- Here we go.
- [cheering]

Cheers.

Come on, David. Go ahead.

Yeah! That's the way.

You know, it would have been nice

to have Karen here tonight.

I know, I feel like we
haven't seen her all summer.



Everything okay between you two?

Yeah, we've both just been busy.

Judy: Really?

You register yet for your fall classes?

Not yet.

Don't you think you'd better get on it?

There's still time.

I don't know. Some of those courses,

they fill up fast.

Yeah, listen to this.

"Enrollment in the Taxation Seminar

is strictly limited to 20 students."

What are you doing with my course catalog?

I'm trying to get you to read it, David.



It's been sitting on the kitchen counter

gathering dust all summer.

Yeah, I told you I've been busy.

- Doing what?
- Working two jobs.

- What's the other one?
- Helping the club photographer.

What, that video thing?
You call that a job?

Yeah. We have another event coming up.

- What, a wedding?
- Bar mitzvah.

That's great. So now you're filming

13-year-olds.

Good for you, kid. Very nice.

Ah, come on, Judy. It's my
birthday, for Christ's sake.

Yes, and we want you to be around

to celebrate for many years to come.

Onion volcano!

Listen, David, I know at your age

you think you got all
the time in the world,

but you don't.

You've got to start
thinking about your future,

showing some initiative.

In the blink of an eye, you're
going to be 56 years old,

married to Karen and, God willing,

having my grandchildren to support.

Well, maybe I won't.

Won't what?

Be married, have kids, you know?

Maybe I'll be a tennis instructor.

Then it doesn't really
matter what classes I take.

- Oh, no, no, no.
- Yeah.

No, I'm not paying for NYU

so you can be a tennis bum.

- Oh, he didn't mean bum.
- Bum.

- No, he didn't mean it.
- Bum.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

Oh, God. That is the most disgusting...

The Orientals know how to make rice,

but God, they suck at desserts.

- Asian.
- What?

Food and rugs are
Oriental. People are Asian.

- Says who?
- Asian people.

I stand corrected.

Can we please stop this?

We were having such a nice time.

- No, no, no, Judy.
- No, we...

No. It's fine, it's fine.

Thank you for setting me straight.

Gosh, I wish you were there

to save me from my faux pas

while I was marching up Pork Chop Hill

fighting alongside the South Koreans.

No argue. Birthday. Happy time.

What's this?

Special drink on the house.

You make good luck toast.

Oh, no, no, no. Thank
you. That's very kind,

but my husband's cardiologist
does not want him to drink.

This good for heart condition.

Make him feel like younger man.

- What about Mom?
- I'm driving.

To a long life and good fortune.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Kanpai!

- Mm.
- [cough]

- Whoa.
- Jesus.

Oh, my gosh, that's strong stuff.

What's that stuff made of?

Humpback.

Again.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

- Another one?
- Again?

Again?

Again?

Again?

[chanting in Japanese]

[alarm rings]

[alarm continues]

[alarm stops]

Oh, well, well, it lives.

You and your son made quite a
spectacle of yourselves last night.

It'll be months before
we'll be able to show our...

Aah!

Aah!

- Dad?
- David. Aah! Ow!

Oh, my God, What is going on?

I don't know.

Is that you in there?

Yes. Oh, God.

How did you get in my body?

How did you get in my body?

How did this happen?

I don't know.

What do you remember?

Not a lot.

It's all kind of foggy.

Could it have been something we ate?

I don't think so. Mom
ate the same thing we did,

and she feels fine.

Oh, fuck!

Son, there's no need for
that kind of language.

Dad, the booze.

- What?
- The Japanese whiskey

that weird old dude kept making us drink.

Doing shots is, like, it's
the last thing I remember.

That wasn't sake?

Dad.

I can't believe this is happening.

Or how amazing my back feels.

Well, don't get used to it.

What are we going to do?

We'll find the Japanese fella

and get him to switch us back.

Don't worry. I'll take care of it.

I don't know. It feels weird in here.

I feel great.

Where do you two think you're going?

Good morning, Judith.

Our son David has offered

to take me for breakfast this morning.

Are you still drunk?

Ha. Ha ha.

Ha. Oh, no, Judith.

- No.
- Just make sure

you're back in time for therapy.

Can we reschedule? I'm not myself today.

Absolutely not.

No, but... but... but...

No buts, Sam. No.

I mean, if you can't do
this one thing for us,

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I'm just...

Okay. What time is our appointment?

1:30.

Okay.

See you at 1:30.

Sorry, but none of our
chefs fit that description.

Sure you got the right place?

Of course we have the right place.

Don't you remember us?
You seated us yourself.

I can't tell white people apart.

Well, do you have any
bottles of a Japanese whiskey

called Kachimo or Kachira
or something like that?

It has a drawing of a whale on the label.

Never heard of it. Now if you don't mind,

I have to go finish running payroll.

Oh, who's your accountant?

Dad.

Now what?

You've got to go to work.

But it's Saturday.

I only work weekends during ta...

Oh, no. I don't think
that's such a good idea.

We have to. Until this thing is fixed,

you've got to go to the
club, pretend to be me.

Getty's expecting me.
I've been coaching him.

I've got a big bonus riding on this.

I can't teach tennis.

Yes, you can. You taught
me. You'll be fine.

And what are you going to do?

Well,

I'll hit every liquor store in the area,

try and find another bottle
of that Japanese whale whiskey.

- Good luck.
- You, too.

Oh, and, Dad?

Try and be cool, okay, at the club?

And don't say more than
is absolutely necessary,

especially to a girl named Skye.

Please.

Hello.

Good morning.

Good morning, fellas.

How's it hanging, dude?

Not as low as usual, thanks.

Hey, where do I park this thing?

The bike rack around the side?

Groovy. Well, have a great day.

Shit. Ha ha.

Dude is higher than Skylab.

Check your metaphors, pinhead.

Skylab burned up on re-entry,

like, six years ago.

It did?

[sigh]

- Good morning, Mr. Getty.
- Hey.

Didn't mean to disturb you.

I couldn't help but notice

that Galexa's stock has dropped.

- Yes.
- Again.

It's actually down 4 points this week.

- 41/4.
- Right. Is that a lot?

- It feels like a lot.
- Define a lot.

I've lost all feeling in my face.

Okay, rule number 1 of investing:

don't be a pussy.

No, I wouldn't try to be.

And if it makes you that nervous,

don't read the paper.

I understand that,

but is the second rule of investing

not to quit while you're ahead?

How much are you up?

Well, I was up 6,000,

and now it's dropped down to 2.

Yeah? Well, I'm
disappointed in you, Nasser.

I thought you were more of a gambler.

But by all means, if you
want to cash out, cash out.

Listen, not everyone is meant
to sit at the blackjack table

with the big boys.

Some people are meant
to play the penny slots.

Hold this while I piss.

So I'll just wait here, then?

Yes.

Wasn't entirely clear.

Come on, babe, please.

- Just give me another chance.
- Good morning.

Misty, you know she meant nothing to me.

Hello, ladies. What a beautiful day.

I haven't been able to eat in two days.

Morning, gang. Hey.

Wow, it's hot.

I'm thinking about getting
really into banana daiquiris

- for the rest of the summer.
- Hey.

Whoa, looking a little
constipated there, Chachi.

Oh, no. I'm David.

Yeah. I know.

I'm... I'm teaching tennis today.

Wish me luck.

What...

My God.

How many cups of coffee

- have you had this morning?
- None.

Well, you're awfully chipper.

Did you get laid last night?

We went out to dinner

to celebrate my dad's birthday.

I tried sushi.

That's a disgusting euphemism,

but I think I see what you're saying.

- Gentlemen.
- Mr. Getty, how are you?

Let's hit a little bit just to warm up,

then I want to work on my serve.

What are you waiting for?

Yeah. Sorry. I'll get my racquet.

- What's wrong with you?
- Oh.

- He tried sushi last night.
- He what?

Sushi. It's raw fish.

I've had sushi. I don't do that.

He's just happy to be at work.

- Am I talking to you?
- Sorry.

- Ready?
- Okay.

Wow.

Kenda: Do you feel unappreciated?

I feel invisible,

like I barely exist,

except as this person who cooks and cleans

and picks up after them.

We appreciate you.

Judy, what you're feeling is very common

for women at your stage of life.

Especially when the kids get older

and get ready to leave the nest.

But that's a good thing, right?

I mean, it's time, don't you think?

That he move out, find a place of his own?

- W...
- Maybe in the city.

Wait, are you serious?

He is the one who's been insisting

that David live at home,

commute to NYU to save money,

thought I... I do, um, sometimes wonder

if it's just an excuse because
he's afraid to be alone with me.

This is so much fun.

- Out.
- I'm sorry.

This is great.

Oh. Sorry.

Oh, wonderful shot, Mr. Getty.

- That was right to you.
- You're really good.

Oh, beautiful.

Really beautiful. I couldn't get it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just come on.

Oh. Good one, Mr. Getty.

Oh. Nice shot, Mr. Getty.

You're fantastic.

I don't need to train you.

- You're great.
- [grunting]

Beautiful.

Oh. Good one, Mr. G.

What the hell is wrong with you today?

Oh, nothing. I'm barely even winded.

Come here.

You must not want this bonus very much.

Speaking of the bonus,
since you bring it up,

did we ever discuss whether
it's payable as cash or check?

Are you on, pills?

You on coke?

Oh, gosh, no. No.

Well, whatever your problem is,

fix it. This tournament
is three weeks away.

- Yes, Mr. Getty.
- Not a word from you, Nasser.

Not a word.

David, why don't we get you
out of the sun for a bit, huh?

Maybe get some juice in you.

And how does that make you feel?

Uh, just afraid.

- Mm.
- Because?

I just keep worrying he's
going to drop dead suddenly,

and then what am I going to do?

I don't have any income of my own?

How would I support us?

And we're having trouble enough

paying the mortgage with him alive,

and his business is not what it used to be,

ever since that...

H&R Block opened across the street.

Kendra: Mm.

[slurp]

Onion ring?

No, thanks.

Mm. Wow.

The chow here is really first class.

And plentiful.

Mother of God, this is delicious.

[laughing]

Sorry. I don't get to
eat like this at home.

No?

Ever since my old man's heart attack,

my mother has been cooking all
this healthy, low-sodium crap.

Grapefruit, salads, rabbit food.

Sorry about your dad.

Thanks.

Is he going to be all right?

He's a fighter. Korean War vet.

- Really?
- Supply Corps.

Oh, no. I think I may have over-ordered.

You think?

Feel like helping me out with this?

Yeah, why not?

Great.

- All right.
- Please, take it.

Good work today.

Feels like we made real progress.

Your homework is to build

on the trust and intimacy
we discovered together.

Judy, Sam, tonight we want you to go home,

turn off the TV.

Pour some wine, light a scented candle.

And make beautiful, sweet love.

Together?

[laughing]

Unless you know some other way.

I don't know.

Remember, lots of eye contact.

Be fully present for one another.

And, Sam, we want you to make sure

that Judy's needs are taken
care of before your own.

No. No. I don't believe you.

- It's true.
- Uh-uh.

My dad says without
double-entry bookkeeping,

there would be no western civilization.

It's as important as
agriculture and cursive writing.

So your dad's an accountant. Ah.

When I graduate and pass my CPA exam,

I plan to join his firm.

Sounds like you two are really close.

Yeah. He's my best friend.

I'm jealous.

You and your dad don't get along?

I would think that would
be obvious to you by now.

Well, in your old man's defense,

It ain't easy raising a
20-year-old these days.

Ahem. [Laughing]

Sorry.

Sorry. Just...

[laughing]

Who knew you were so funny?

And you are just delightful.

- Karen.
- Hi.

Do you two ladies know each other?

No.

Well, this is Karen.

His girlfriend.

Skye.

Oh, no.

I'm not supposed to talk to you.

Do you want to hang out
after work or something?

Great. Yeah, yeah. Maybe we'll get a...

Awesome.

David. David.

Dad, what's wrong?

It's your mother.

- Is she okay?
- She's fine.

She's at home...

waiting to have sex with us.

What did you say to Skye?

Nothing. We were just
having a friendly chat.

I specifically told you not to.

She struck up a conversation with me.

What was Karen doing there?

- Spielberg!
- How's that little video coming?

- Keep walking.
- Who are they?

Tell them it's going great.

Oh, it's going great.

Who's the jackass that leaves a Volvo

in the middle of valet
without leaving their keys?

I'm sorry, Mr. Getty. That's ours.

Okay. And you are?

- Oh. Family emergency.
- Got to go.

What the hell's going on here?

Hello. Please, could you help us?

We're looking for a Japanese whiskey.

It has a whale on the
bottle with a weird top.

Uh, and it's called Kachira.

- What is it called?
- Kachira.

- Kachira.
- Or maybe Kachima.

Kachima? No.

Maybe the Oriental friends
will know? Could you ask?

No.

Oh.

The General Chow looks amazing.

- Dad...
- Let's get some takeout.

Mom will kill me...

you... us.

♪ Last night I had the strangest dream ♪

♪ I sailed away to China ♪

♪ In a little rowboat to find ya ♪

♪ And you said you had to
get your laundry clean ♪

♪ Didn't want no one to hold you ♪

♪ What does that mean? And you said ♪

♪ Ain't nothing gonna break my stride ♪

♪ Nobody gonna slow me down ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ I've got to keep on movin' ♪

♪ Ain't nothing gonna break my stride ♪

♪ I'm running and I won't touch ground ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ I got to keep on movin' ♪

♪ Ain't nothing gonna break my stride ♪

♪ Nobody gonna slow me down ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ I got to keep on movin' ♪

What's wrong?

I'm having chest pains.

Relax. It's probably acid indigestion.

Or my hiatal hernia.

Or my ulcer could be back.

I never realized how
much it sucks to get old.

Ah, it's not all bad.

You get to see a kid grow up.

I may never see my 20s

or my 30s or my 40s.

Oh, God, Dad, this is a nightmare.

Hey, it's going to be okay, kiddo.

What if it isn't?

What if we're stuck like this forever?

We won't be.

I'll figure this out. I promise.

Now eat. You'll feel better.

Hey, want to share another cream soda?

Okay.

Hey, another cream soda, please.

How was therapy?

Good.

Weird.

It sounds like you and Mom

are going through some really heavy stuff.

And it really sucks

that they're opening that H&R Block

across the street.

I'm sorry you had to hear all that stuff.

I'm not.

And I'm sorry

that I've added to the
stress for you and Mom,

especially with what
you've been dealing with.

Hey, it's your job.

I just feel bad that...

you and Mom worry about me so much.

That's our job.

Drink up, fellas.

- Kanpai!
- Kanpai!

Oh, fuck me!

Ah! Dad, please.

Stop with the language.

Shut up and pour me another.

[laughing]

Ohh! Wow!

[laughing]

[alarm rings]

Mm. Hmm.

[alarm stops]

Good morning.

Good morning.

What happened?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Ohh. Ow.

Ow.

God damn.

I don't know about you,

but I feel like the dog's dinner.

Me, too.

I haven't been this hung over

since the service, and
that was back in '53.

I've never been this hung over.

It's because we raised you right.

What were we drinking last night?

I have no idea, but when
I puked this morning,

it was bright blue,

like the stuff you soak
combs in at the barber.

Do you remember anything?

No. You?

Nothing.

I should get to work.

Hey, can I give you a ride to the club?

No, thanks. I think I need the fresh air.

Yeah.

Well, have a nice day.

You, too.

I hope you feel better.

Thanks.

Hey, Lawrence, I've got a letter.

♪ Life in the hive puckered up my nights ♪

♪ The kiss of death, the embrace of life ♪

♪ Oh, there I stand beneath the marquee moon ♪

♪ Hesitating ♪

♪ Well, a Cadillac ♪

♪ It pulled out of the graveyard ♪

♪ Pulled up to me ♪

♪ All they said, "Get in." ♪

♪ Get in ♪

♪ Then the Cadillac ♪

♪ It puttered back into that graveyard ♪

♪ Me? ♪

♪ I got out again ♪