Recipes for Love and Murder (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
Oh, Morag.
[hen clucks]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[bird chirping]
[music continues]
Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
[whistles]
Ah, nice morning, isn't it?
Did you pull me over
to tell me it's a nice morning?
Because I don't have
time for this.
No.
I pulled you over
because you were
coming down with
undue haste and...
- I was just...
- You mean speeding?
And me going a little
over the speed limit
is a danger to all these cars?
Jessie, I'm a Warrant Officer.
You can't talk to me like that.
[intense music]
Just make sure
that you block the exit.
[sheep bleating]
Okay.
Now go. Go. Go.
[sheep bleating]
- [indistinct]
- Hurry.
You're quite fit. Huh?
It's all those store
bought lunches you eat.
I've told you,
you need more veggies, bruh.
Whoo.
Mm-hmm.
That looks good.
[upbeat music]
♪ What I want to
say about yesterday ♪
♪ Was I saw you all so near me ♪
♪ Yes I know you
drive close by my side ♪
♪ To draw my attention to you ♪
♪ But you'll understand
that I really can ♪
♪ Knock any touch with you ♪
♪ But if you really will
if you wanna steal ♪
♪ I'll tell you what
you have to do ♪
♪ Well clap your hands ♪
♪ And slap your feet ♪♪
[engine revving]
That's him!
Got you now, you bliksem!
- That's him.
- Who?
The tractor terrorist!
All units, all units,
this is Karoo 1.
There's a possible suspect
in charge of a vehicle
on the intersection of...
On the road to Ou Jan's farm.
Got you now, you bliksem!
- All units, all units...
- Duty literally calls!
Yeah, um, cool.
I guess you won't
have time to write me up
for my serious crimes.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Um.
Jessie. Jessie, I'm gonna
have to commandeer your vehicle.
- Let's go.
- Fine. Take it.
If I can get yours going
I'll drive it back into town.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool.
- It wasn't a question.
[instrumental music]
[speaking in foreign language]
Stop!
Off the road!
Pull over!
Hey, come on!
[speaking in foreign language]
[horn honking]
Now go!
No, you go to the side!
Pull over, pull over. Pull over.
Hey, hey.
- Oye! Are you okay?
- I'm alright.
Oh.
♪ Huma-la-la-la huma-la-la-la ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la huma-la-la-la ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ So glad you're here ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la huma-la-la-la ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ And stamp your feet ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la huma-la-la-la ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la-la ♪
- Hey, Jess.
- Morning. I'll be right there.
♪ Huma-la-la-la huma-la-la-la ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la-la ♪♪
- Morning.
- Morning, Tannie Maria!
Ooh, I've got some lovely marrow
bones for you in the back.
Aren't you a dear!
Well, if it's deer you're after,
I've got some venison too.
You're going to love this week's
recipe, ostrich mince pie!
Oh, I can't wait!
- See you later.
- [Doep]Bye.
Yes, well, for a quarter page
I could give you 20
or a 25 percent off.
Morning.
Um, no fine.
- Fine.
- Ostrich pie.
Your favourite.
No. Well, do you know
what I think?
I think what you need
is a half page.
Well, I could send you the
options this week or next week.
Oh, next month is fine.
Alright.
Yes.
It's the same number.
Karoo Gazette.
Lovely, thank you.
Bye.
Maria.
Now, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
Sit.
[sighs] It's no good.
It's no good at all.
What you...
Just taste it.
Hi, Hats, sorry I'm late,
I had to hot wire a police bike.
Yes, fine.
Jessie, come in. Sit.
The pie?
Yes, but there's something
that I need to discuss with you.
And, um, it's quite important
and I, uh...
[humming]
[chuckles]
You're fired.
[laughs]
Fired.
It's not that bad, surely?
It's not the pie.
We'll run the pie for today.
But that'll be your last recipe
with us I'm afraid.
I've been instructed by the head
of the newspaper association
that I'm part of
to run an advice column.
It's a requirement
for their revenue model.
And so I'm afraid
it's Tannie Maria's Recipes out,
and Tannie Sara's
Advice Column in.
You're not making any sense.
Hattie, I write recipes
for the paper.
Seven years now.
It's my job.
I've made a list of other places
that publish recipes,
I'll help you reach out to them.
Who's Tannie Sara?
I hope Jessie got the messages
I sent for her this morning.
We need to advertise
and we need to advertise fast.
Actually, Hattie, I was thinking
I could be Tannie Sara.
No, you already
do the crime beat
and the local tit-bits
and the business forum news
and the human interest stories,
and...
But I'm really excited
about the opportunity
to connect to our readership.
I feel like we could understand
their longings, their desires...
- You?
- Yes.
- And I really feel that...
- I'm sorry, Maria.
We could really get to grip on
the hectic issues
plaguing our society!
I should have said
something sooner.
But I've been avoiding it
and now well, I can't anymore.
I'm actually have been
thinking of some hashtags.
Hashtag Gazette goes viral.
I could write it.
- What?
- The advice column.
- I could write it.
- No, I was just saying...
If you can't afford to pay me
for the recipe column anymore,
well, then I could write
the advice column.
No offense, Tannie M.,
but can you actually write?
Your recipes are like a,
the best, honestly.
I won the East Lothian
junior essay writing competition
when I was 12.
- Hattie, we need to focus...
- Twelve.
I'll give you each a trial.
Wonderful!
[speaking in foreign language]
Let's do it.
Can't wait.
Good luck then to both of you!
There's quite a stack!
Um...
I put out a call on Monday.
Well, get on with it.
The public eagerly await
your advice, Tannies!
[instrumental music]
[nurse]Mr. Jacob is in
open house.
They're operating
on him tomorrow.
- Good morning, Ms. September!
- Good morning, officer.
- Somebody in custody?
- Yes, ma'am.
We think it's the
Tractor Terrorist
the-the one who ruined
Father Adam's petunias
last week.
Tell him anyone who messes up
my hospital answers to me.
Will do. Have a good day.
[phone chimes]
And now?
- Tip off from the cops.
- Regardt?
Local interest story
down at the hospital.
Fine, you can go.
But I want both your columns
on my desk
first thing tomorrow morning.
Yes, ma'am!
- And you too, Maria?
- I can't think here.
My brain only works
in the kitchen.
Maria, you're not
writing recipes now.
You are writing
an advice column.
Don't worry,
I'm full of good advice.
I'll even brush up on
some sex tips for you.
Hattie, hi, um, I was just
picking up my sausages...
Yes, okay.
- Good to know, Maria.
- Mm-hmm.
Come.
Let's go and see
if it's a good quality sausage.
Hey! Oh, hey. Uh-huh.
Not so fast, eh?
Listen, thank you for the loan.
- I'll-I'll go grab my bike...
- Your bike's fine.
- It's outside.
- Oh.
Cool.
Thank you for paying me
back for the repair job...
with a good lead.
Well, now you owe me
a favour in return.
I don't owe you a damn thing.
[laughing]
Shh.
Suspect sustained
a new broken arm.
He's lucky.
Actually, we find that
if you're drunk
you're less liable
to injure yourself.
The rag doll effect, we call it.
Doctor, how many
cases would you say
that you see every month
that are alcohol related?
- Most.
- Would you have the stats?
- Trends over time?
- Jessie.
It's just a drunk guy
who stole a tractor.
The Karoo has
ignored for too long
its racist history of
profiting off of cheap lab our
and in many cases
instilling alcoholism
into its working classes.
But as a medical professional...
I thought that the village paper
was about
quilting expos
and spelling bees.
Just trying to make sure
that we're relevant
to all of our readership.
Thank you for your time.
Always happy to help
our local newsletter!
- Jess!
- Hi, ma.
All okay? I didn't expect to
see you here.
Just writing a piece
on the Tractor Terrorist.
Oh, your boyfriend
tipped you off.
For the last time,
he's not my boyfriend, ma!
Well, if you didn't look like
the lovechild
of a biker and a librarian.
I need to go back to work.
Just saying,
you spent all of five minutes
in the bathroom this morning.
That's because I had to
get my siblings to school.
I hope you get the cover story!
[instrumental music]
[blender whirring]
[music continues]
Mm.
Mm.
[chuckles]
Right, Morag.
Let's see who needs our help.
Mm.
[Marine]I'm such a total idiot.
Please tear up that last letter.
I'm a fool.
Please don't publish it.
I beg you.
If my husband...
he'll kill me.
[instrumental music]
I think I found it.
Okay.
- How's the suspect behaving?
- Ah, good, sir.
Apart from singing
the rude songs,
whenever the nurses try
and take his temperature.
Rude songs?
[singing in foreign language]
No, no, no, eh.
We can't have it.
We can't have it here.
[clears throat]
Hello, uncle. We need to
ask you some questions.
A is for apple.
Can you state your name
for the record please sir?
- B is for Bert us.
- Is your name Bert us?
[singing in foreign language]
Suspect doesn't seem to know
his own name.
[singing in foreign language]
Whose truck were
you driving, sir?
[singing in foreign language]
- Constable Kasin.
- September.
You know Bertes Chanchis.
Works for Bar end du Toit.
Off the record,
him and Bar end du Toit
have the same father.
So the du To its, they won't
be pressing charges.
You know, he's not
one of the violent drunks.
Just gets like this every year
on the time his mummy died.
Will you be pressing
charges detective?
Honeysuckle oil.
Lovely.
[engine revving]
Mm.
That is amazing.
[chuckles]
Oh.
Nearly forgot.
And, and...
Final touch. There.
Mm.
Yes.
Oh, I almost forgot.
Your letter.
Oh, right.
Tannie M., I hope you don't mind
that I'm also doing the column.
It's just something
I'm passionate about, you know.
Of course.
May the best Tannie win.
Cheers.
[instrumental music]
Dear Tannie.
I am ashamed to be
writing to you now for advice.
I've made my bed
and I should lie in it.
[music continues]
[Martine]I promised to
love and obey this man.
My husband.
But the love has dried up.
[music continues]
Not hungry?
[utensil clatters]
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, okay?
I just don't understand why you
feed me this garbage?
I do my best.
He does too, he pays for our
daughter's special needs home.
Nothing but the best
for his girl.
I have a lot of happy hours
with my friend when he is out.
She and I have a kind
of love for each other,
although I prefer
to keep it platonic.
She gave me the ducks.
I'll call that one Donald,
and that one Daffy.
Yeah, but he's white!
Daffy was a black duck.
Well, they're my ducks now
and I will call them Donald,
and Daffy, and Petunia!
- Petunia!
- I'll call them what I want!
[chuckles]
Those ducks were
the first thing I ever loved
in a completely pure way.
Without guilt or pain,
just... pure bright joy.
[instrumental music]
[panting]
No.
[gunshots]
You bastard!
I'm gonna fucking kill you,
you bastard!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You know
I couldn't let you keep them.
She gave them to you.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
[panting]
I'm sorry.
[speaking in foreign language]
Hey, hey.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Is it wrong to have
a funeral for ducks?
Yours sincerely.
Bereaved woman.
I'm sorry.
[instrumental music]
It's perfectly natural
to find yourself attracted
to your friend's husband,
and I'm sure...
- Don't make me come in there!
- [Riley]Sorry, Jess!
I'm sure lots of us have
found ourselves wanting
what we can't have,
from a lack of midnight snack,
to a snack of a different kind!
You might find that this can be
transference, a response to...
[Riley]Jess! Bronwyn said I'm
too stupid to do my homework!
[Bronwyn]I didn't say
he was stupid,
I said he made a stupid mistake!
It's important to consider
all the potential
ramifications...
Ramifications?
Is this a lecture?
Even though
all you what really want
is to be consider a relationship
with a man that makes
you weak at the knees
when you look into...
Uh-huh, "weak in the knees,"
take that out.
It's cringe.
Yeah. You're probably right.
I recently received
a letter on a topic
that might affect...
Blast it.
I wanted to address
the subject of
domestic violence in it.
No, Maria, you're not
a school principal!
I...
I knew a woman
who lived with a man...
I knew a woman who lived
for too many years
with a man who beat her.
Bruises and bones can heal
but the heart...
the heart can be
damaged forever.
Recipes, Maria?
They needed them.
Academic reference lists,
Jessie?
We can't pander to our readers.
Fine. I'll run them both.
And Jess you're going to need
a new by-line.
You're clearly no Tannie.
Yet.
[instrumental music]
Hello.
"If you are with a man
who abuses you,
you should leave him."
[Dirk]What's that then?
Just a mutton curry recipe
I wanna try.
Good.
Because the thing you call curry
is more like warmed up vomit.
[instrumental music]
[Maria]Since you mentioned
a disagreement about a curry,
here's one that I hope
will put a fire in your belly,
and strengthen your resolve.
One tablespoon
of ground turmeric,
one and a half
tablespoons of paprika,
two tablespoons
of ground coriander
Two to four chillies.
[Maria]Two to four chillies.
[Maria]Three tablespoons of
chopped fresh ginger.
A quarter cup fresh
chopped garlic.
One and a half tablespoons
of cumin seeds,
two teaspoons of
fenugreek seeds,
six cardamom pods,
one tablespoon of mustard seeds.
After the mustard seeds...
half a cinnamon stick.
Two large onions.
Woah, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Ah! Got it.
I'm so sorry, detective!
It's just onions.
[Maria]Two tomatoes,
four medium potatoes,
one tablespoon of garam masala,
and one cup of
chopped coriander.
Spices.
You didn't never buy spices.
You're trying
a new recipe today?
- Yes.
- My fiance is exactly the same.
Can't handle anything fancier
than fish n chips
with loads of ketchup!
- Hi.
- Hi.
Um, may I have a
kilogram of mutton please?
Coming right up.
Martine!
You finished early!
I left the figures on
your desk, Mr. Van Wyk.
Right. Good. Good.
We do sell meat at the Koop,
you know?
- Is Hattie...
- Out for the afternoon.
Ah. Right.
Right.
Good! Have a lovely day!
Okay.
It's 84.90. Do you wanna tap?
[Maria]Heat the oil in the pot,
stir until the smell
fills the kitchen,
and the mustard seeds
start to pop.
Mix all the spices
except the garam masala,
and rub the spice mix
into the meat.
Curry takes a lot
of patience, Morag.
You can't rush a good curry.
It's a little bit
like sex that way.
Maybe not for chickens?
Now add the lamb,
and keep stirring to stop
the spices from catching
on the bottom of the pot.
[Maria]When the onions are
soft add the aubergines,
and cook till they have
a little colour.
[instrumental music]
[Maria]In the oven,
cook covered at a 150 degrees
for two hours.
Hello my wife.
[Maria]Meat needs slow
cooking to become tender...
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
[Maria]And the spices need
time to infuse flavour.
The supper will be on time.
I promise.
Looking forward to it.
[Maria]About an hour
before you're ready to eat,
boil the potatoes
and add the garam masala then.
And there you have it.
The perfect mutton curry.
[speaking in foreign language]
Mm.
Wow!
[instrumental music]
Mm.
[engine revving]
[Gordon]Aileen.
Look at this alert I just got.
Well.
After all these years, eh?
[instrumental music]
You uploaded them
both to the website?
Yes, on Friday.
It's Maria's column
is doing mad online.
That's more traffic
in three days
than there has been in the past
three months put together.
- Oh, my.
- And my cousin Jared.
- Yes.
- The one that works at the Koop.
Wants more copies of the paper.
Also, Doep wants more copies.
The sales of mutton
are through the roof.
- Oh Jessie...
- I know. I'm off the column.
Oh, Maria. You've done it now.
What, Hattie?
Sorry.
Maria. You're famous.
- I am?
- The column's yours.
It seems as though you might
have a few fans online.
And... they're all
addressed to Tannie Maria.
- Well...
- The people have spoken.
Oh-oh, Jessie, I am sorry.
It's okay, Tannie M., people
aren't ready for my home truths.
- Do you wanna see the website?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
What's my surname doing there?
I thought it looked more
professional, Maria Purvis.
No, no, no, I-I'm just,
I'm Tannie Maria. That's all.
Take it down!
Take it, take it down!
Okay, fine. Sorry, Tannie M.
- I'm changing it now.
- Alright?
Thanks, Jessie.
[instrumental music]
[Martine]A note
for Tannie Maria.
Not for publication.
Oh, God, it was amazing.
You should make it more.
I'm glad you liked it.
[instrumental music]
Goodnight.
[music continues]
The mutton curry was superb.
But I read your advice too.
I have a plan that will allow
my daughter and I to leave.
I'll just have to tread water
until I get it right.
[instrumental music]
Did you have a good day at work?
I...
It was alright.
Same old one.
Finally! What the hell, Bron?
Where have you been?
Just helping teacher
clean the classroom.
Don't lie, I saw your teacher
15 minutes ago.
Oh, so now you're spying on me?
Oh, I don't have time
for your drama.
- Is it a boy?
- No, Jess. Okay.
You know boys are
nothing but trouble.
And if I catch him hurting you,
I'll moer him.
- You tell him that.
- Yes.
Your sister is a psycho,
and she'll moer him.
Jess, you are embarrassing me.
Sorry.
[instrumental music]
[engine revving]
Bloody man!
"Tannie Maria."
I think my friend's husband
is going to kill her.
"He thinks she's leaving him
and he said he'll kill her."
She doesn't wanna
find the police.
"She said I can't go
into her house anymore."
If I kill him
in self-defence of her,
how long will I go to jail, hmm?
"Signed, friend in need."
I wish there was a giant
insecticide for these guys.
DDT that you could
spray from planes.
I think this letter is from
my duck lady's friend.
The giver of the ducks.
It might be someone else,
a lot of people are beaten by
their boyfriends and husbands,
especially around here.
I just have a feeling it's her.
And now he might kill her.
Right, well you need to
write a response
to this woman right away.
We'll put a feature on the site.
I'm sure I can get the Karoo
Ladies Society to sponsor it.
And I'll get you the numbers for
People Opposing Women Abuse,
Lifeline, Legal Aid...
I'll put the kettle
on for you, Maria.
[instrumental music]
♪ Whenever I'm alone with you ♪
♪ You make me feel
like I am home again ♪
♪ Whenever I'm alone with you ♪
♪ You make me feel like
I am whole again ♪
[instrumental music]
[sirens wailing]
♪ Whenever I'm alone with you ♪
♪ You make me feel like
I am young again ♪
♪ Whenever I'm alone with you ♪
♪ You make me feel
like I am home again ♪
♪ However far away ♪
♪ I will always love you ♪
♪ However long I stay ♪
♪ I will always love you ♪
♪ Whatever words I say ♪
♪ I will always love you ♪
♪ I will always love you ♪
[Hattie]Ambulance chasing, Jess!
Hattie, it wasn't like that.
And privacy for the poor chap?
The bereaved?
I used a telephoto lens,
the bereaved didn't even see me.
What was I supposed to do?
The ambulance was right there.
I'm an investigative
journalist, Hats.
Sorry, Maria!
We're just discussing the ethics
of journalism.
Just have a look
at the photos. Maria.
I asked my ma.
Her name is Martine Burger.
Her husband is Dirk.
I found this at the crime scene.
That's my lady with the ducks.
[Hattie]Oh, no.
No, no, no.
I'll put the kettle on.
Hats, we need to
investigate this.
[sighs]
Which of you is Tannie Maria?
Who gives people advice
on how to live?
I'm Tannie Maria.
The love of my life is dead
and it's all my fault!
Oh.
Would you like some coffee
or a koeksister?
[knock on door]
[Khaya]Police!
We are here for Anna Pretorius!
Yes, yes. I'm coming.
Hang on. Coming.
- Oh.
- Anna Pretorius.
You need to come with us
and answer questions
regarding the murder
of Martine Burger.
Come. Come, let's go.
- Come.
- Okay.
- Anna.
- Oh, oh, oh.
Oh. Oh!
[groans]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[music continues]
Oh, Morag.
[hen clucks]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[bird chirping]
[music continues]
Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
[whistles]
Ah, nice morning, isn't it?
Did you pull me over
to tell me it's a nice morning?
Because I don't have
time for this.
No.
I pulled you over
because you were
coming down with
undue haste and...
- I was just...
- You mean speeding?
And me going a little
over the speed limit
is a danger to all these cars?
Jessie, I'm a Warrant Officer.
You can't talk to me like that.
[intense music]
Just make sure
that you block the exit.
[sheep bleating]
Okay.
Now go. Go. Go.
[sheep bleating]
- [indistinct]
- Hurry.
You're quite fit. Huh?
It's all those store
bought lunches you eat.
I've told you,
you need more veggies, bruh.
Whoo.
Mm-hmm.
That looks good.
[upbeat music]
♪ What I want to
say about yesterday ♪
♪ Was I saw you all so near me ♪
♪ Yes I know you
drive close by my side ♪
♪ To draw my attention to you ♪
♪ But you'll understand
that I really can ♪
♪ Knock any touch with you ♪
♪ But if you really will
if you wanna steal ♪
♪ I'll tell you what
you have to do ♪
♪ Well clap your hands ♪
♪ And slap your feet ♪♪
[engine revving]
That's him!
Got you now, you bliksem!
- That's him.
- Who?
The tractor terrorist!
All units, all units,
this is Karoo 1.
There's a possible suspect
in charge of a vehicle
on the intersection of...
On the road to Ou Jan's farm.
Got you now, you bliksem!
- All units, all units...
- Duty literally calls!
Yeah, um, cool.
I guess you won't
have time to write me up
for my serious crimes.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Um.
Jessie. Jessie, I'm gonna
have to commandeer your vehicle.
- Let's go.
- Fine. Take it.
If I can get yours going
I'll drive it back into town.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool.
- It wasn't a question.
[instrumental music]
[speaking in foreign language]
Stop!
Off the road!
Pull over!
Hey, come on!
[speaking in foreign language]
[horn honking]
Now go!
No, you go to the side!
Pull over, pull over. Pull over.
Hey, hey.
- Oye! Are you okay?
- I'm alright.
Oh.
♪ Huma-la-la-la huma-la-la-la ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la huma-la-la-la ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ So glad you're here ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la huma-la-la-la ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ And stamp your feet ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la huma-la-la-la ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la-la ♪
- Hey, Jess.
- Morning. I'll be right there.
♪ Huma-la-la-la huma-la-la-la ♪
♪ Huma-la-la-la-la ♪♪
- Morning.
- Morning, Tannie Maria!
Ooh, I've got some lovely marrow
bones for you in the back.
Aren't you a dear!
Well, if it's deer you're after,
I've got some venison too.
You're going to love this week's
recipe, ostrich mince pie!
Oh, I can't wait!
- See you later.
- [Doep]Bye.
Yes, well, for a quarter page
I could give you 20
or a 25 percent off.
Morning.
Um, no fine.
- Fine.
- Ostrich pie.
Your favourite.
No. Well, do you know
what I think?
I think what you need
is a half page.
Well, I could send you the
options this week or next week.
Oh, next month is fine.
Alright.
Yes.
It's the same number.
Karoo Gazette.
Lovely, thank you.
Bye.
Maria.
Now, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
Sit.
[sighs] It's no good.
It's no good at all.
What you...
Just taste it.
Hi, Hats, sorry I'm late,
I had to hot wire a police bike.
Yes, fine.
Jessie, come in. Sit.
The pie?
Yes, but there's something
that I need to discuss with you.
And, um, it's quite important
and I, uh...
[humming]
[chuckles]
You're fired.
[laughs]
Fired.
It's not that bad, surely?
It's not the pie.
We'll run the pie for today.
But that'll be your last recipe
with us I'm afraid.
I've been instructed by the head
of the newspaper association
that I'm part of
to run an advice column.
It's a requirement
for their revenue model.
And so I'm afraid
it's Tannie Maria's Recipes out,
and Tannie Sara's
Advice Column in.
You're not making any sense.
Hattie, I write recipes
for the paper.
Seven years now.
It's my job.
I've made a list of other places
that publish recipes,
I'll help you reach out to them.
Who's Tannie Sara?
I hope Jessie got the messages
I sent for her this morning.
We need to advertise
and we need to advertise fast.
Actually, Hattie, I was thinking
I could be Tannie Sara.
No, you already
do the crime beat
and the local tit-bits
and the business forum news
and the human interest stories,
and...
But I'm really excited
about the opportunity
to connect to our readership.
I feel like we could understand
their longings, their desires...
- You?
- Yes.
- And I really feel that...
- I'm sorry, Maria.
We could really get to grip on
the hectic issues
plaguing our society!
I should have said
something sooner.
But I've been avoiding it
and now well, I can't anymore.
I'm actually have been
thinking of some hashtags.
Hashtag Gazette goes viral.
I could write it.
- What?
- The advice column.
- I could write it.
- No, I was just saying...
If you can't afford to pay me
for the recipe column anymore,
well, then I could write
the advice column.
No offense, Tannie M.,
but can you actually write?
Your recipes are like a,
the best, honestly.
I won the East Lothian
junior essay writing competition
when I was 12.
- Hattie, we need to focus...
- Twelve.
I'll give you each a trial.
Wonderful!
[speaking in foreign language]
Let's do it.
Can't wait.
Good luck then to both of you!
There's quite a stack!
Um...
I put out a call on Monday.
Well, get on with it.
The public eagerly await
your advice, Tannies!
[instrumental music]
[nurse]Mr. Jacob is in
open house.
They're operating
on him tomorrow.
- Good morning, Ms. September!
- Good morning, officer.
- Somebody in custody?
- Yes, ma'am.
We think it's the
Tractor Terrorist
the-the one who ruined
Father Adam's petunias
last week.
Tell him anyone who messes up
my hospital answers to me.
Will do. Have a good day.
[phone chimes]
And now?
- Tip off from the cops.
- Regardt?
Local interest story
down at the hospital.
Fine, you can go.
But I want both your columns
on my desk
first thing tomorrow morning.
Yes, ma'am!
- And you too, Maria?
- I can't think here.
My brain only works
in the kitchen.
Maria, you're not
writing recipes now.
You are writing
an advice column.
Don't worry,
I'm full of good advice.
I'll even brush up on
some sex tips for you.
Hattie, hi, um, I was just
picking up my sausages...
Yes, okay.
- Good to know, Maria.
- Mm-hmm.
Come.
Let's go and see
if it's a good quality sausage.
Hey! Oh, hey. Uh-huh.
Not so fast, eh?
Listen, thank you for the loan.
- I'll-I'll go grab my bike...
- Your bike's fine.
- It's outside.
- Oh.
Cool.
Thank you for paying me
back for the repair job...
with a good lead.
Well, now you owe me
a favour in return.
I don't owe you a damn thing.
[laughing]
Shh.
Suspect sustained
a new broken arm.
He's lucky.
Actually, we find that
if you're drunk
you're less liable
to injure yourself.
The rag doll effect, we call it.
Doctor, how many
cases would you say
that you see every month
that are alcohol related?
- Most.
- Would you have the stats?
- Trends over time?
- Jessie.
It's just a drunk guy
who stole a tractor.
The Karoo has
ignored for too long
its racist history of
profiting off of cheap lab our
and in many cases
instilling alcoholism
into its working classes.
But as a medical professional...
I thought that the village paper
was about
quilting expos
and spelling bees.
Just trying to make sure
that we're relevant
to all of our readership.
Thank you for your time.
Always happy to help
our local newsletter!
- Jess!
- Hi, ma.
All okay? I didn't expect to
see you here.
Just writing a piece
on the Tractor Terrorist.
Oh, your boyfriend
tipped you off.
For the last time,
he's not my boyfriend, ma!
Well, if you didn't look like
the lovechild
of a biker and a librarian.
I need to go back to work.
Just saying,
you spent all of five minutes
in the bathroom this morning.
That's because I had to
get my siblings to school.
I hope you get the cover story!
[instrumental music]
[blender whirring]
[music continues]
Mm.
Mm.
[chuckles]
Right, Morag.
Let's see who needs our help.
Mm.
[Marine]I'm such a total idiot.
Please tear up that last letter.
I'm a fool.
Please don't publish it.
I beg you.
If my husband...
he'll kill me.
[instrumental music]
I think I found it.
Okay.
- How's the suspect behaving?
- Ah, good, sir.
Apart from singing
the rude songs,
whenever the nurses try
and take his temperature.
Rude songs?
[singing in foreign language]
No, no, no, eh.
We can't have it.
We can't have it here.
[clears throat]
Hello, uncle. We need to
ask you some questions.
A is for apple.
Can you state your name
for the record please sir?
- B is for Bert us.
- Is your name Bert us?
[singing in foreign language]
Suspect doesn't seem to know
his own name.
[singing in foreign language]
Whose truck were
you driving, sir?
[singing in foreign language]
- Constable Kasin.
- September.
You know Bertes Chanchis.
Works for Bar end du Toit.
Off the record,
him and Bar end du Toit
have the same father.
So the du To its, they won't
be pressing charges.
You know, he's not
one of the violent drunks.
Just gets like this every year
on the time his mummy died.
Will you be pressing
charges detective?
Honeysuckle oil.
Lovely.
[engine revving]
Mm.
That is amazing.
[chuckles]
Oh.
Nearly forgot.
And, and...
Final touch. There.
Mm.
Yes.
Oh, I almost forgot.
Your letter.
Oh, right.
Tannie M., I hope you don't mind
that I'm also doing the column.
It's just something
I'm passionate about, you know.
Of course.
May the best Tannie win.
Cheers.
[instrumental music]
Dear Tannie.
I am ashamed to be
writing to you now for advice.
I've made my bed
and I should lie in it.
[music continues]
[Martine]I promised to
love and obey this man.
My husband.
But the love has dried up.
[music continues]
Not hungry?
[utensil clatters]
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, okay?
I just don't understand why you
feed me this garbage?
I do my best.
He does too, he pays for our
daughter's special needs home.
Nothing but the best
for his girl.
I have a lot of happy hours
with my friend when he is out.
She and I have a kind
of love for each other,
although I prefer
to keep it platonic.
She gave me the ducks.
I'll call that one Donald,
and that one Daffy.
Yeah, but he's white!
Daffy was a black duck.
Well, they're my ducks now
and I will call them Donald,
and Daffy, and Petunia!
- Petunia!
- I'll call them what I want!
[chuckles]
Those ducks were
the first thing I ever loved
in a completely pure way.
Without guilt or pain,
just... pure bright joy.
[instrumental music]
[panting]
No.
[gunshots]
You bastard!
I'm gonna fucking kill you,
you bastard!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You know
I couldn't let you keep them.
She gave them to you.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
[panting]
I'm sorry.
[speaking in foreign language]
Hey, hey.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Is it wrong to have
a funeral for ducks?
Yours sincerely.
Bereaved woman.
I'm sorry.
[instrumental music]
It's perfectly natural
to find yourself attracted
to your friend's husband,
and I'm sure...
- Don't make me come in there!
- [Riley]Sorry, Jess!
I'm sure lots of us have
found ourselves wanting
what we can't have,
from a lack of midnight snack,
to a snack of a different kind!
You might find that this can be
transference, a response to...
[Riley]Jess! Bronwyn said I'm
too stupid to do my homework!
[Bronwyn]I didn't say
he was stupid,
I said he made a stupid mistake!
It's important to consider
all the potential
ramifications...
Ramifications?
Is this a lecture?
Even though
all you what really want
is to be consider a relationship
with a man that makes
you weak at the knees
when you look into...
Uh-huh, "weak in the knees,"
take that out.
It's cringe.
Yeah. You're probably right.
I recently received
a letter on a topic
that might affect...
Blast it.
I wanted to address
the subject of
domestic violence in it.
No, Maria, you're not
a school principal!
I...
I knew a woman
who lived with a man...
I knew a woman who lived
for too many years
with a man who beat her.
Bruises and bones can heal
but the heart...
the heart can be
damaged forever.
Recipes, Maria?
They needed them.
Academic reference lists,
Jessie?
We can't pander to our readers.
Fine. I'll run them both.
And Jess you're going to need
a new by-line.
You're clearly no Tannie.
Yet.
[instrumental music]
Hello.
"If you are with a man
who abuses you,
you should leave him."
[Dirk]What's that then?
Just a mutton curry recipe
I wanna try.
Good.
Because the thing you call curry
is more like warmed up vomit.
[instrumental music]
[Maria]Since you mentioned
a disagreement about a curry,
here's one that I hope
will put a fire in your belly,
and strengthen your resolve.
One tablespoon
of ground turmeric,
one and a half
tablespoons of paprika,
two tablespoons
of ground coriander
Two to four chillies.
[Maria]Two to four chillies.
[Maria]Three tablespoons of
chopped fresh ginger.
A quarter cup fresh
chopped garlic.
One and a half tablespoons
of cumin seeds,
two teaspoons of
fenugreek seeds,
six cardamom pods,
one tablespoon of mustard seeds.
After the mustard seeds...
half a cinnamon stick.
Two large onions.
Woah, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Ah! Got it.
I'm so sorry, detective!
It's just onions.
[Maria]Two tomatoes,
four medium potatoes,
one tablespoon of garam masala,
and one cup of
chopped coriander.
Spices.
You didn't never buy spices.
You're trying
a new recipe today?
- Yes.
- My fiance is exactly the same.
Can't handle anything fancier
than fish n chips
with loads of ketchup!
- Hi.
- Hi.
Um, may I have a
kilogram of mutton please?
Coming right up.
Martine!
You finished early!
I left the figures on
your desk, Mr. Van Wyk.
Right. Good. Good.
We do sell meat at the Koop,
you know?
- Is Hattie...
- Out for the afternoon.
Ah. Right.
Right.
Good! Have a lovely day!
Okay.
It's 84.90. Do you wanna tap?
[Maria]Heat the oil in the pot,
stir until the smell
fills the kitchen,
and the mustard seeds
start to pop.
Mix all the spices
except the garam masala,
and rub the spice mix
into the meat.
Curry takes a lot
of patience, Morag.
You can't rush a good curry.
It's a little bit
like sex that way.
Maybe not for chickens?
Now add the lamb,
and keep stirring to stop
the spices from catching
on the bottom of the pot.
[Maria]When the onions are
soft add the aubergines,
and cook till they have
a little colour.
[instrumental music]
[Maria]In the oven,
cook covered at a 150 degrees
for two hours.
Hello my wife.
[Maria]Meat needs slow
cooking to become tender...
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
[Maria]And the spices need
time to infuse flavour.
The supper will be on time.
I promise.
Looking forward to it.
[Maria]About an hour
before you're ready to eat,
boil the potatoes
and add the garam masala then.
And there you have it.
The perfect mutton curry.
[speaking in foreign language]
Mm.
Wow!
[instrumental music]
Mm.
[engine revving]
[Gordon]Aileen.
Look at this alert I just got.
Well.
After all these years, eh?
[instrumental music]
You uploaded them
both to the website?
Yes, on Friday.
It's Maria's column
is doing mad online.
That's more traffic
in three days
than there has been in the past
three months put together.
- Oh, my.
- And my cousin Jared.
- Yes.
- The one that works at the Koop.
Wants more copies of the paper.
Also, Doep wants more copies.
The sales of mutton
are through the roof.
- Oh Jessie...
- I know. I'm off the column.
Oh, Maria. You've done it now.
What, Hattie?
Sorry.
Maria. You're famous.
- I am?
- The column's yours.
It seems as though you might
have a few fans online.
And... they're all
addressed to Tannie Maria.
- Well...
- The people have spoken.
Oh-oh, Jessie, I am sorry.
It's okay, Tannie M., people
aren't ready for my home truths.
- Do you wanna see the website?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
What's my surname doing there?
I thought it looked more
professional, Maria Purvis.
No, no, no, I-I'm just,
I'm Tannie Maria. That's all.
Take it down!
Take it, take it down!
Okay, fine. Sorry, Tannie M.
- I'm changing it now.
- Alright?
Thanks, Jessie.
[instrumental music]
[Martine]A note
for Tannie Maria.
Not for publication.
Oh, God, it was amazing.
You should make it more.
I'm glad you liked it.
[instrumental music]
Goodnight.
[music continues]
The mutton curry was superb.
But I read your advice too.
I have a plan that will allow
my daughter and I to leave.
I'll just have to tread water
until I get it right.
[instrumental music]
Did you have a good day at work?
I...
It was alright.
Same old one.
Finally! What the hell, Bron?
Where have you been?
Just helping teacher
clean the classroom.
Don't lie, I saw your teacher
15 minutes ago.
Oh, so now you're spying on me?
Oh, I don't have time
for your drama.
- Is it a boy?
- No, Jess. Okay.
You know boys are
nothing but trouble.
And if I catch him hurting you,
I'll moer him.
- You tell him that.
- Yes.
Your sister is a psycho,
and she'll moer him.
Jess, you are embarrassing me.
Sorry.
[instrumental music]
[engine revving]
Bloody man!
"Tannie Maria."
I think my friend's husband
is going to kill her.
"He thinks she's leaving him
and he said he'll kill her."
She doesn't wanna
find the police.
"She said I can't go
into her house anymore."
If I kill him
in self-defence of her,
how long will I go to jail, hmm?
"Signed, friend in need."
I wish there was a giant
insecticide for these guys.
DDT that you could
spray from planes.
I think this letter is from
my duck lady's friend.
The giver of the ducks.
It might be someone else,
a lot of people are beaten by
their boyfriends and husbands,
especially around here.
I just have a feeling it's her.
And now he might kill her.
Right, well you need to
write a response
to this woman right away.
We'll put a feature on the site.
I'm sure I can get the Karoo
Ladies Society to sponsor it.
And I'll get you the numbers for
People Opposing Women Abuse,
Lifeline, Legal Aid...
I'll put the kettle
on for you, Maria.
[instrumental music]
♪ Whenever I'm alone with you ♪
♪ You make me feel
like I am home again ♪
♪ Whenever I'm alone with you ♪
♪ You make me feel like
I am whole again ♪
[instrumental music]
[sirens wailing]
♪ Whenever I'm alone with you ♪
♪ You make me feel like
I am young again ♪
♪ Whenever I'm alone with you ♪
♪ You make me feel
like I am home again ♪
♪ However far away ♪
♪ I will always love you ♪
♪ However long I stay ♪
♪ I will always love you ♪
♪ Whatever words I say ♪
♪ I will always love you ♪
♪ I will always love you ♪
[Hattie]Ambulance chasing, Jess!
Hattie, it wasn't like that.
And privacy for the poor chap?
The bereaved?
I used a telephoto lens,
the bereaved didn't even see me.
What was I supposed to do?
The ambulance was right there.
I'm an investigative
journalist, Hats.
Sorry, Maria!
We're just discussing the ethics
of journalism.
Just have a look
at the photos. Maria.
I asked my ma.
Her name is Martine Burger.
Her husband is Dirk.
I found this at the crime scene.
That's my lady with the ducks.
[Hattie]Oh, no.
No, no, no.
I'll put the kettle on.
Hats, we need to
investigate this.
[sighs]
Which of you is Tannie Maria?
Who gives people advice
on how to live?
I'm Tannie Maria.
The love of my life is dead
and it's all my fault!
Oh.
Would you like some coffee
or a koeksister?
[knock on door]
[Khaya]Police!
We are here for Anna Pretorius!
Yes, yes. I'm coming.
Hang on. Coming.
- Oh.
- Anna Pretorius.
You need to come with us
and answer questions
regarding the murder
of Martine Burger.
Come. Come, let's go.
- Come.
- Okay.
- Anna.
- Oh, oh, oh.
Oh. Oh!
[groans]
[instrumental music]
[music continues]