Rawhide (1959–1965): Season 6, Episode 19 - Incident of the Pied Piper - full transcript
I'll say.
My left elbow's been
aching all morning.
Something in the
wind, I can feel it.
It's ducks. Look at them.
Those aren't ducks,
Mushy. They're geese.
Can't be geese. They don't
get together this time of the year.
Well, they're geese. Can't
you hear them honking?
Look at them swarm.
That ain't normal. Look like
they're running from something.
Uh-oh, it's a twister.
Mr. Favor!
It's bearing right down on us.
That hits the herd bunched
up, we've had it. Scatter them.
Pass the word.
Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
You heard him, get under cover.
We're just trying to
save the pots and pans.
This whole wagon's
on its way to Little Rock.
If you want to take a
trip with it, stay here.
Now keep running.
Get under cover!
Get under cover!
Dig in low!
Lie as flat as you can.
Biggest danger's the flying stuff.
- Get back down.
- My cap.
You want to lose your head too?
- Anybody hurt?
- Not yet.
But I ate so much dust
I'm due for a bellyache.
Good thing you scattered them. Storm
would have ripped through the middle.
Could be a week
gathering them up.
We can tally up our losses then.
You know what's got to be done.
Find yourselves a horse. Get to it.
- Well, what are you doing now?
- I'm looking for my hat.
Well, it's on the way to Kansas.
Come on and help me or
you'll be looking for a job.
Well, you know, I think
Mr. Favor ought to settle
for what we rounded up
and get this herd moving.
Well, we're still a
hundred short though.
With that 40 dead,
that's kind of a stiff loss.
Yeah, but we've been
after it for three days now
and time's going to start
costing him nothing but money.
Well, that's our
brand, all right.
I guess the ride wasn't
a total loss after all.
Hey, mister?
Would you give me a lift down?
- What do you think, Jim?
- He sure ain't no squirrel.
- What are you doing up there, boy?
- The cows chased me.
The cows chased you,
huh? All right. Come on.
Hey, mister?
What about me?
It's your turn, Jim.
Come on.
- The cows are sure mean.
- Well, we're a lot meaner.
You'll be all right now. - Hey!
Can I come down too?
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
Any more around here like you?
Sure, over there.
What is this? Some sort of an
old-timey tree-climbing convention?
Oh, no. We live there.
Mr. Smithers told
us to watch the cows.
He sent Johnny and Pedro
out to see if there's any more.
Oh, well, that's real
nice of Mr. Smithers.
We just came to get the cows.
Well, if you want to buy them,
you'll have to talk to Mr. Smithers.
I don't know what
he sold the others for.
Sold the others?
You mean, he's been
selling his beef here?
- You never seen nothing like it.
- Ever since that tornado
they've been coming out of the
hills from every which direction.
Ugh, oh, boy.
Well, ahem, do you want
to flip to see who goes back?
Oh, no. You're the
ramrod. That's your job.
You go get him.
Me, no, I'll just stay here at the house
and keep an eye on these little fellers.
Oh, be careful, now.
Stay away from the wheels.
Whoa! Heh.
I got a surprise for
you. Wait a minute.
All right, now, you take these inside,
there's something for every one of you.
- Yay!
- Be nimble, be quick!
Here you are. There you are,
Pedro. Here, Danny. Here we are.
- Mr. Smithers, can I have one?
- You can have one, of course.
- There you are.
- Can I have one, Mr. Smithers?
Heh, two of them for you.
Oh, boy. It's just wonderful.
I got some paint for the barn,
I got a new stool for the kitchen,
and, uh, has any cows wandered by?
- Twelve at least.
- Twelve?
Oh, these gentlemen want
to talk to you about them.
Oh, splendid. Splendid.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Edgar Allan Smithers, at your service.
Gil Favor, Rowdy
Yates, Jim Quince.
Oh, cattlemen, I can see.
Oh, I admire you.
It must be a very challenging
life, rounding up all those wild cows
and driving them clean
across the continent.
They all ain't exactly
wild, Mr. Smithers.
Now, your daughter
Betsy was telling me...
No, no, no. No, not
my daughter, my niece.
As for the others, I'm afraid I
can't identify their antecedents.
- They're orphans.
- This is an orphanage, huh?
Well, I'm afraid it
doesn't look like much
but as I always say, it's
what's inside that counts.
Oh, I must admit that
the hand of providence
does man the helm of our
ship of life sometimes, heh.
Mr. Smithers.
It fits. It fits me perfect.
Perfectly.
Now, you go inside, there's
some more packages for you.
As I was saying,
providence.
The Lord moves
in mysterious ways.
- Now, take that tornado last week...
- We took it all right.
Oh, why, well, I know it must
have brought havoc for some.
But to those whose ship was
foundering on the pinnacle of privation,
well, indeed, sir, it
was truly a blessing.
Sort of like cows
from heaven, huh?
That's a fitting
way of putting it.
A very fitting way, indeed.
You know, this is just like
Christmas to those children.
A Christmas that's long overdue.
And all because of money derived
from the sale of a few stray cows.
Mr. Smithers.
Look, they don't fit.
Oh, excuse me.
Well, now, maybe we can have
Betsy let them down a little bit
or we can cut them
off right at the knees.
Knee pants are for girls.
Aw, oh.
Well, now, Kevin, you
have two alternatives,
- either we'll let
your hair grow, - Heh.
Or you can run inside
and change your pants
because we can have
them exchanged, heh.
Besides from the presents,
I had enough money left over to
buy some furniture, chairs and beds.
Three hundred dollars
can go a long, long way.
- Three hundred dollars?
- Three hundred dollars?
That's what you
sold the beef for?
Yes, indeed.
Mr. Randolph wanted
to pay $2 a head,
but, uh, I stuck to 3, and
by sheer tenacity, I got it.
Sheer tenacity.
Oh, you drive a hard bargain.
Exactly who is
this Mr. Randolph?
Oh, he runs the
bank in Cedar Springs.
Oh, now look, if you intend to do
business with him, be very careful.
He is a wily one.
Oh, I sort of
gathered that already.
Tell me, uh, did he ask for a bill
of sale or papers of ownership?
Oh, well, I signed
a lot of papers.
Transferals and the like.
Routine, I guess, for business.
- Heh.
- Well, we better catch up to this fellow
before he sells them
to somebody else, huh?
Well, don't let him
hike the price beyond 5.
You know what he paid for them.
Thanks a lot for telling us.
You've been a real big help.
Oh, uh, and incidentally, those, uh...
The cows over here in the meadow,
uh, would you like to buy them?
I was gonna keep a few around
but they're a little too
rambunctious for the children.
Yeah, look, how about, uh,
30 dollars, does that sound fair?
Oh, that is more than
fair. That is very generous.
- Oh, gee, thank you very much.
- Think nothing of it.
You want me to sign
a receipt or anything?
- Who needs ownership papers?
- Uh-huh.
Mr. Smithers,
come and look at Mary.
- She's just beautiful.
- Oh, coming, coming.
Uh, thank you very much, gentlemen.
Nice doing business with you.
Well, a pleasure,
Mr. Favor. Mr. Yates.
And Mr. Andrews.
Good afternoon, sheriff.
This must be important business.
Mr. Randolph, I understand you
bought a hundred head of cattle
- from Mr. Edgar Smithers.
- I surely did.
- And a profitable transaction.
- But illegal.
That's right. Those cattle belong to
me. Here's my duly registered trail brand.
Ownership papers,
brand registration papers.
The brand's pretty commonly
known, Mr. Randolph.
Mr. Smithers assured me
that those cattle were strays.
- That they belonged to him.
- I'm sure Mr. Smithers believed that.
He don't know the front
of the steer from the back.
But you, as a dealer in cattle,
I'm certain that you would
question his title to branded steers.
Well, I, uh, never even
inspected that beef, gentlemen.
I, uh... I found Mr. Smithers
to be about as honorable a
man as I've ever dealt with.
I give him credit here
to feed those children.
Well, when he said he had that
cattle, I, uh, bought them sight unseen.
That's too bad. You'll just
have to work out some means
of recouping your
300 dollars from him.
- Where have you got them corralled?
- Corralled? Heh.
I sold them on the
day of purchase.
Matter of fact, I, uh,
have the papers right here.
They're all properly drawn
and executed by Mr. Smithers.
- You drew these papers up yourself?
- Well, naturally.
I wasn't about to buy
something I couldn't sell legally.
Certainly not stolen property.
Well, who'd you
sell the steers to?
Well, I, uh...
I'm afraid that that is my,
uh, personal business, sir.
Don't matter.
These are good enough
for any legitimate dealer.
Mr. Smithers, the
Good Samaritan, heh.
Naive, yes, but...
Uh, how much of a loss
will this represent, Mr. Favor?
Well, who says we're
taking a loss yet?
Well, the only recourse you
have is with Mr. Smithers,
and that, heh, poor,
bumbling fellow is penniless.
Of course, I suppose, you
could thrown him in jail but...
But the kids.
There's still the
Cattlemen's Association.
If you think those scraps
are going to protect you...
Rowdy, Rowdy,
Rowdy, no need for that.
This gentleman here has
obviously acted in good faith, huh?
It's just a matter of being
taken in by a tornado
and a fool what
believes in Santa Claus.
Yeah, well, you can't blame me
for being a little upset, Mr. Randolph,
that beef would have
brought me $4000 in Denver.
Oh, tsk, tsk, that is a
heavy loss, Mr. Favor.
Oh, well, law of averages, I
guess. You can't win them all.
Oh, by the way, uh, how much
did you make on the transaction?
Oh, I made, uh, 2700, clear.
Well, whoever bought them
sure knew what he was up to, heh.
Yes, well, I suppose there's
no harm in my telling you,
it happens to be a very respectable
broker, name of Frank Travis.
Travis, yeah, good man.
I'm sorry that it had to be
at your expense, Mr. Favor.
Never fear. I'll just take it out
on someone else next time.
You aren't gonna let him
get away with this, are you?
Look, you can stay here and
sue Smithers, if you want to.
Me, I got a herd to
take care of. Good day.
Oh, uh, Mr. Yates, I really
think it would be fruitless
to pursue this matter any further
with Mr. Smithers. After all...
I know. The orphans.
Gil Favor.
You old sidewinder, you.
So you finally did it, huh, Frank?
You finally turned to rustling.
Oh, I only came
along with the sheriff
because I was so tickled to find
out that you, heh, finally got taken.
Thanks for picking
him up, sheriff.
Rowdy, biggest thief
in Texas, Frank Travis.
Look here, Gil, I knew
that was your beef,
but, uh, I figured you
sold it for trail cash.
Not my beef,
Frank, owner's beef.
And they expect to get cash for it.
Four thousand dollars' worth of cash.
You got a little problem.
Well, here's my picture:
I bought about 700 to 800
head, at about 30 dollars,
and I'm moving them
up to the mining country
to pick up 35 to 37 a head.
But I could go
bust just as easy,
so I'll give you your beef back
to you for what I paid for them.
Hmm, that's fine. Only
where do we get $3000?
From the man
what stole it, I hope.
Sheriff, do you agree that Randolph
knew exactly what he was doing?
No doubt about it. I
could go on and say
that he's taken every man in
the country at one time or another.
The trouble is, he's got a whole
satchel full of papers to hide behind.
Well, if you wouldn't mind
looking the other way for a little bit,
I might be able to feed him
some of his own medicine.
Well, if I'm gonna be blind in one
eye, I sure don't want to hear the details.
That's what I like, a lawman
with a real feel for justice.
- When you pulling out, Frank?
- Tomorrow morning.
Oh, too soon. Too soon.
Can you give me four, five days?
Hmm...
Forty-eight hours,
that's the outside.
- I don't get it.
- You're not expected to get it.
All you got to do is deliver this to
bank and do like you was told to.
Oh.
Well, that's a sizable draft.
As for provisions,
we're moving out.
Mr. Yates, I, uh...
I couldn't help but, uh, sense
your animosity this afternoon.
I want you to know that
I'm only a businessman.
Yeah. Well, it, uh...
It wasn't the cattle we lost
to Smithers that hurt so much,
it's the other 200 head.
Tornadoes, tsk.
Three hundred altogether?
Oh, my, that's a tremendous
beating for you to be taking.
Yeah, well, that's what I told Mr. Favor,
but he's the boss and gives the orders.
So we just write it off, heh.
Do you have any idea where
those strays wandered off to?
Well, if we did, we'd
be out rounding them up.
I suppose that storm dropped
them about 50 counties west of here.
Well...
Ugh, no. No, no.
Lightning could never
strike twice in the same place.
Still...
Clarence, uh, the next
time you see Mr. Smithers,
would you tell him that I'm
still in the market for stray cows?
Heh, you never can tell,
with him it could happen.
Now, you don't mean to tell me
those little varmints didn't
even know they were stealing.
No, Wish, they just
looked at it like it was
well, finders, keepers, you
know, and so did this Smithers.
Well, a man like that I can
understand, but not a kid.
No, sir, every one of
them is a born rustler
and mighty few of
them ever outgrow it.
Most of the kids I've ever known ought
to be froze stiff, time they could walk,
and thawed out
with caution after 20.
All right, Rowdy, take everybody
here and go out and cut out 200 head.
I want them ready
to move at first light.
- All right. Come on, everybody.
- Let's go.
Wishbone.
I got a special job
for you and Mushy.
You come to the
right man, Mr. Favor.
Any time you want anything
done right, you just ask...
Me. Of all the big-mouthed,
gravel-headed nitwits,
why didn't you stop me?
Or better yet, why
didn't I save my money?
That way, I could've
bought back those cows,
and we wouldn't have to be here.
Talk about tornadoes.
Time this one's over, you'll wish
that one last week had carried you off.
Hey, that's my shirt!
Keep your gun handy.
Evening. Could I help you?
Evening, miss. We'd
like to see Mr. Smithers.
Come on in. I'll get him.
Look, there's my hat.
Later, you idiot.
Now, you stay here,
I'm gonna do the talking.
Evening.
I'm sorry to keep you gentlemen
waiting. Oh, it's bath time.
My name is George W. Haggerty,
and this is my friend,
H. Mushgrove Watson.
A pleasure.
Uh, my, what a handsome
group of children.
Tell Uncle George,
what's your name?
You put me down, you billy goat.
Billy goat?
That is a nasty way to treat our guest,
treating him in such a cavalier manner.
Now, you... Everybody into
bed, get ready for your bath.
Be nimble.
Otherwise I'll have to, uh,
take drastic measures.
I must proffer my
apologies, Mr. Haggerty.
Not at all, Mr. Smithers.
Children will be children,
heh, Lord love them.
As a matter of fact, that's
one reason we came here.
We heard you run an orphanage
and thought maybe
you could use some help.
Well, a man in my
position could use help but...
You see, Mushgrove and I was
both raised in foundling homes.
- Oh, my, really?
- Yeah.
Oh, that's music
to my ears, heh.
Don't that take you back?
Oh, it sure does, Mr. Haggerty.
Well, I, uh... I could use the help
but I'm afraid I couldn't afford...
Mr. Smithers, you're looking at
two road-weary, lonesome travelers
just looking for a place like home
we can hang our hats for a spell.
We'd even work for our keep.
Oh, I couldn't ask you
gentlemen to do that, heh.
Mr. Smithers, we're asking you.
Why, Mushgrove and
me, we cook, do laundry,
and well, we certainly
do love children.
Well, my goodness, they're
certainly lively tonight, aren't they?
And it isn't as if we
didn't have experience.
Why, there just isn't
anything we can't do for kids.
- I could use the help.
- Then it's all settled.
Settled it is. You can
bunk in the back and...
Well, here, you might just
as well start on their baths.
And if you don't mind, I
have quite a little sewing to do.
This saves a lot of...
You know, it's a
blessing is what it is, heh.
The man said bath, and
you're gonna get a bath.
You and that bean shooter.
Now, take off those clothes.
- You make me.
- What?
Get away from
that door in there!
"And the Black Knight thrust his
faithful sword into the dragon's heart.
Mortally stricken, the fierce
giant fell, roaring his fury
and breathing the flames
of inferno into the heavens.
Then he was dead.
One last mighty bellow and
the terrible dragon was no more.
The Black Knight put
the princess on his horse,
and they drove away into the
setting sun to live happily ever after."
Yes, sir, I missed my calling.
Sire Wishbone, the
Black Knight of Texas.
Bedtime stories.
I think you read them very well.
It usually takes me
all of the Black Knight
and all of Mother Goose
to get them this quiet.
It must be that I can
bore them quicker.
Seems to be the
best part of the day.
It's like being in a room
with a host of angels.
Some with dirty
faces, I must admit.
You don't mind my
asking, Mr. Smithers,
how'd you get saddled with
all these little, heh, angels?
Saddled?
Well, I guess it did seem
like that in the beginning.
I was a librarian.
For 20 years, I lived behind two
stories of thick Philadelphia stone,
in a world where my
only friends existed
between worn leather bindings
and dusty squares of parchment.
Chaucer, Keats, Tennyson,
all fine men, all loyal to a T,
but hardly the proper association to
prepare me for a career as a rancher.
But my brother died,
and left me this place
complete with little Betsy.
And I had no other choice.
So it was westward ho.
Just when I was beginning to figure
out which end of a plow was which,
Betsy found Johnny and
Susy down by the river.
Their folks were
drowned in the storm.
Seemed to be no
other place for them.
So...
You know, and word got
around and before I knew it,
Pedro and Rob and Danny,
they showed up in the
barn hiding under the hay.
You know, Mr. Haggerty,
at that moment I decided
I was gonna go back to my
stone and parchment world,
no matter how
make-believe it was,
but then one day I
heard them talking,
and I knew then that
this was where I belonged.
What do you mean,
you heard them talking?
Oh, well, it was
out by the barn.
Johnny asked Danny if
he knew who God was,
and Danny said, "Mr. Smithers."
Well, all the children laughed
and Johnny says,
"How do you know that?"
And Danny says, "Mr.
Smithers always says,
'With God I retire,
and with God I get up, '
and as Mr. Smithers
goes to bed with me
and gets up with me,
then Mr. Smithers must be God."
Well, I corrected his
innocent blasphemy, heh,
but if I can give them
that, Mr. Haggerty,
think what they can give to me.
Good night.
Mr. Haggerty, I'm sorry
I called you a billy goat.
I like whiskers.
Here's some more, Mr. Wishbone.
It's after 9:00.
Mr. Favor will have the
herd up there by now.
We ought to get going.
Well, Mr. Smithers, he won't let
them go cow hunting until class is over.
- Why ain't you in class, Mike?
- Got expelled.
I have to study all
by myself in the barn.
- Where did you get that hat?
- Danny found it.
He's letting me wear it.
You think the owner
might want it back?
Tough. He lent to me.
Do you mind if I try it on?
Yeah, but don't crush it.
- It fits perfect.
- Huh.
Here.
Get to work and
hang up these clothes.
Give me back my hat.
Do you mind if I wear it
while we hang up the clothes?
You ought to be ashamed of
yourself. Taking hats away from kids.
- You're mean.
- What...? Why you...
I got your hat back
for you, didn't I?
Yeah, but you didn't
have to holler at my friend.
- I'll help you, Mushgrove.
- Thank you.
Recess. CHILDREN: Yay!
Recess.
Come on, Mr. Smithers.
Let's go hunt for cows.
Yeah!
No, no, no, not at this time.
And don't be bothering our friends over
there while they're doing their chores.
Now, look, we still have
arithmetic, but I'll tell you what,
we'll go hiking for lunch and
we'll make a picnic out of it.
- Yeah!
- Play with the bean bag, go ahead.
Yeah, come on.
Come on, here!
Children.
Look there.
A blue bunting.
Oh.
The first this year.
Come on, let's go on over the
hill. I'm sure this is cow country.
Oh, we've got all afternoon.
What do you say we picnic first?
Yeah!
Listen, listen. I'm sure I
heard a steer bawl. Come on.
There we go.
- Hey, lookit here.
- Yeah, cows.
I told you I had
a nose for cattle.
Jiminy, there's
hundreds of them.
Stay right here.
Don't go out there.
Never in my born days. Never.
I tell you what, let's all make a
guess as to how many there are
and the one who comes the
closest gets an extra piece of cake.
- Ten hundred.
- Two thousand.
Twenty-five hundred.
Mr. Smithers, maybe you
better go on into the bank
and tell that fella you
got another windfall.
Hey, you two get back here.
Those cows can be dangerous.
Now, you pay attention to
what Mr. Haggerty tells you.
You know, it's a lucky thing
Mr. Haggerty came along when he did
because I never would've
thought of looking in this direction.
- Well, let's all have lunch.
- I'm gonna buy a doll.
I'm gonna buy a
horse. I'm big enough.
Mr. Smithers, this is
no time for a picnic.
Must be 200, maybe more.
If that bank closes, you might
lose this herd over the weekend.
- Yeah, a storm or a stampede maybe.
- More likely rustlers.
Ah, now you're talking.
Maybe you're right. There
doesn't seem to be much time.
Tell you what, we'll have our
picnic on the way into town.
What do you say? All right?
Put it in there and let's go.
All right now, give me
that, let's go. All right.
All right, children,
let's go now.
Be careful of the
wheels getting off.
All right, now.
Come on. Here we go.
Here we go.
Now, give me your hand, all
right, everybody into the bank now.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
- Hello, Mr. Randolph.
- You'll never guess what.
- You never saw so many.
- I never saw so many what?
Cows!
We found 200 more.
- Closer to 2 million.
- They're even fatter than the others.
Uh, they must have
straggled in overnight.
As you said, sir, lightning can strike
more than once in the same place.
Oh, yes, quite. Quite, quite.
Two... Two hundred, did you say?
Well, approximately, we didn't
take time for an accurate count.
Oh, well, that's
perfectly all right.
Your word is good as
gold with me, Mr. Smithers.
Look, why don't you sit down, I
mean, take a deep breath and relax.
I'll be back in a moment.
- Oh, no rush.
- Mr. Randolph.
Clarence, see that Mr. Smithers
makes himself perfectly
at home, will you?
At home.
Well, uh, why don't
we play games, hmm?
- Yeah!
- All right.
What about hide-and-go-seek?
- In the bank vault.
- Where you keep money.
- Yeah!
- Hey. Hey, wait. Now, wait.
- Down. Down. Get down.
- Put that down.
Well, I'm glad I
found you, Mr. Travis.
- Drink?
- Thank you, no.
I, ahem, just wanted to verify
that you're still in the market.
You see, there's
a slight possibility
that I might be able to
get hold of, uh, 200 head.
I'm still in the market.
But you'll have to make whatever
deal you got by this evening,
- because I'm pushing out at dawn.
- Oh, I can do that.
- Uh, the price is still the same?
- Thirty a head.
Two hundred, let's see, that would
bring me, uh, 6000 dollars, right?
Well, if you don't find me
here, I'll be at the hotel.
Oh, that's fine. Fine.
Good, Mr. Randolph.
Then it's a deal, Mr. Smithers.
Three dollars a head.
Did I hear you say
three dollars a head?
You did. Not that it's
any of your business.
Oh, this is Mr. Haggerty,
our new cook.
And the first one to see those
cows, so it makes it my business.
And as an ex-foundling myself,
I'm concerned for these orphans.
So let's start by agreeing
that three dollars a head
won't even buy the flies
off those cow's hides.
Very well. I'm a
charitable man myself.
Name a figure.
Well, at the railhead...
This is not a
railhead. I'll go five.
Mister, I'd carry
them there piggyback
before I'd let them
go for money like that.
Fifteen a head is more like it.
Fifteen for each one?
Greenback dollars.
Now, I may be
just a hash-slinger,
but I know a little bit of
something about cattle.
Three thousand dollars?
What...? That's
utterly preposterous.
Mr. Haggerty, that does
seem to go beyond reason.
Let him go. There's
plenty of cattle buyers.
You can usually find them
hanging around saloons after hours.
Now...
Now, Mr. Smithers,
you and I have both dealt fairly
with each other up until now.
Why don't we just agree on
a sensible price? Say, uh, 10.
Ten? RANDOLPH: Yes.
But I must close
the deal tonight.
Because, uh, if I don't close
the deal I will only lose a deal.
But you and those dear
children will suffer grievously.
Well, uh, Mr. Haggerty, I don't see
how I could spend more than 500.
Three thousand.
Well, I can see we're not
gonna get anywhere this way.
I'll just saddle up
and ride into town.
Who knows? I might
even make a better deal.
No. Uh, no.
No need for that.
I've come this far, I might
as well go all the way.
All right,
3000.
Three thousand?
Yes, but don't you come to me
with any more of your stray cows.
Well, I, uh, feel a little badly
about this money too, Calvin.
It, uh,
does seem to be a
little extra providence.
Twenty-nine,
953, 3000.
Ah, and on those papers you can
just put in my name, George Haggerty.
See, I'm the one
that found them.
I'll just sign with
my customary "X."
Get them moving!
Hey, where's my...?
Do I get a horse?
Where's my buggy and horse?
Hey! Rustlers.
Mr. Randolph, they're
running off with your cattle.
Well, hurry up. Get your horses.
Well, hold on now. It's your
cattle. They must be your rustlers.
Why, you...
- I'll get the shotgun.
- I'll help you.
- I'll get my slingshot.
- No, no.
All of you get back there.
You're not going anywhere.
They might not even be rustlers.
Maybe they're just men, and
figure they found some cows.
Oh, well, that's probably
what it is, of course.
Well, Mr. Randolph
can handle it.
How much did we make
this time, Mr. Smithers?
Six hundred?
Well, Mr. Haggerty raised
the price to, uh, $3000.
- Three thousand?
- Golly, that's more than a million.
Uncle George did it.
Children, I hate
to throw cold water,
but this is a heap of money for us
to come by with just luck, you know.
What do you mean?
What he means, Johnny,
is that anything so valuable
is not so easily come by.
And those cows over
there are worth a lot more
than any of us
has ever imagined.
And it's not likely that such
gold on the hoof so to speak
would be left around for
us to grab in a selfish world.
What he means is, we think
those cows belonged to somebody
and they lost them,
and, well, it just isn't right for
us to get rich at their expense.
Mr. Smithers, I think I can round up
the fellows that belong to this money.
Children?
We think he should.
All right, I'll go
get my horses.
Mushy, you go on in
there and get our things.
I don't understand
you, Mr. Randolph.
- They're wearing my brand.
- Well, what different does that make?
He said that you were
moving out, abandoning them.
Oh, well, what my poor simple
ramrod thinks I'm going to do,
and what I finally decide to do
are two entirely different things.
Mr. Favor's men
spotted them over here.
I volunteered to
help drive them back.
Yes, well, I'm afraid you
found them a little too late
because it so happens that
I just purchased them legally
from a man who certified
that he was the legal owner.
Don't see how that could be.
I've seen Mr. Favor's papers.
- Who's "X"?
- What? George Haggerty.
I wrote it there in
the first sentence,
"I, George Haggerty,
do hereby warrant..."
I see. You wrote
that thing yourself.
Well, I...
But he couldn't read or write.
This is about as binding as a
rotten rubber band, Mr. Randolph.
- I think you just better forget it.
- You better come with me, sheriff.
I'm beginning to think
I'm going to need you.
Mushgrove.
Mushgrove.
Mushgrove.
Oh, hello, Mike, have
you seen Mushgrove?
- I was just going to look for him.
- Well, so am I.
- Come on, let's go find him.
- Uncle George?
What?
Are you and
Mushgrove coming back?
Oh, well, I...
Well, yeah. Next time we're around
these parts we'll sure come back.
- I'd like that.
- So would I.
I was just gonna give
Mushgrove this hat.
I traded Danny my lizard for it.
And besides, it fits
Mushgrove better than me.
It sure does. You know,
that's mighty nice of you.
Come on, let's go find
him and give it to him.
Well, I guess we're all
ready. Bye, Mr. Smithers.
All of you. CHILDREN: Bye.
Mr. Haggerty, I was
knitting this for Mr. Smithers
but he's got three of them
and I decided to let you have it.
Isn't that nice?
Why, it's a scarf.
Just what I've always
needed and a red one too.
I hope you find out who the
money belongs to, Mr. Haggerty.
Well, I will, Robbie.
Well, I already found one thing,
I found out the world
isn't full of little rustlers.
- Goodbye, Uncle George.
- Bye.
Now, all of you
stand back there.
- Out of the way.
- Get away from the horse. That's it.
Smithers, I want to
see George Haggerty.
Well, you just missed
him. My goodness,
you look very pale, Mr. Randolph,
come on in and sit down.
What do you mean,
I just missed him?
Well, I think he, uh, went to look
for the rightful owner of the money.
Did you hear that? He's
making a getaway. Go after him!
Slow down. Now
what'd he look like?
Well, don't sit there
asking stupid questions.
He was bald-headed and
runty and he had whiskers.
- Now, go find him.
- Whiskers, huh? Runty?
Oh, that sounds like
"Stumpy George" Hoggarth.
Yup, he goes by
Haggerty, Hoggarth, Hogan.
He has to stick to "H's" because
he's got his initials tattooed.
I am not interested in
the details. Go find him!
Um, I'll have to round up a posse.
Stumpy George is a lot of man.
Go after him. Go after him!
Posse. He'll never find him.
Do you realize that
you cost me $3000?
Well, that makes it just
about even, doesn't it?
Isn't that what you made
on that other transaction?
I made 2700. I
had to give him 300.
And if you want to know
what I think, Smithers,
I think those have all
been the same cattle.
And if he doesn't find Hoggarth, or
Haggerty or whatever his name is,
you are going to owe me $300.
Well, uh, I'll pay whatever
I'm obliged to, Mr. Randolph.
Uh-uh, oh, Mr. Smithers didn't
make the second deal with you.
He made the first
and that one you sewed
up nice and tight and legal.
So if anybody's got a claim
against Mr. Smithers, it's me.
And by me, I just want to thank
you for gathering up my cattle.
I think you got off real
cheap, Mr. Randolph.
I mean, some folks would have
to pay a thousand dollars or more
for that kind of education.
True. True.
Gee, they were the nicest men.
Oh, I can't believe that about
Mr. Haggerty and Mushgrove.
What do you mean, you
can't believe...? You...
After what they
did... And you...
Oh, what's the use?
Come on, Mr. Smithers,
let's play a game.
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Who can get the bean bag?
- I will.
You. All right, let's go.
Head them up.
Move them out.
My left elbow's been
aching all morning.
Something in the
wind, I can feel it.
It's ducks. Look at them.
Those aren't ducks,
Mushy. They're geese.
Can't be geese. They don't
get together this time of the year.
Well, they're geese. Can't
you hear them honking?
Look at them swarm.
That ain't normal. Look like
they're running from something.
Uh-oh, it's a twister.
Mr. Favor!
It's bearing right down on us.
That hits the herd bunched
up, we've had it. Scatter them.
Pass the word.
Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
You heard him, get under cover.
We're just trying to
save the pots and pans.
This whole wagon's
on its way to Little Rock.
If you want to take a
trip with it, stay here.
Now keep running.
Get under cover!
Get under cover!
Dig in low!
Lie as flat as you can.
Biggest danger's the flying stuff.
- Get back down.
- My cap.
You want to lose your head too?
- Anybody hurt?
- Not yet.
But I ate so much dust
I'm due for a bellyache.
Good thing you scattered them. Storm
would have ripped through the middle.
Could be a week
gathering them up.
We can tally up our losses then.
You know what's got to be done.
Find yourselves a horse. Get to it.
- Well, what are you doing now?
- I'm looking for my hat.
Well, it's on the way to Kansas.
Come on and help me or
you'll be looking for a job.
Well, you know, I think
Mr. Favor ought to settle
for what we rounded up
and get this herd moving.
Well, we're still a
hundred short though.
With that 40 dead,
that's kind of a stiff loss.
Yeah, but we've been
after it for three days now
and time's going to start
costing him nothing but money.
Well, that's our
brand, all right.
I guess the ride wasn't
a total loss after all.
Hey, mister?
Would you give me a lift down?
- What do you think, Jim?
- He sure ain't no squirrel.
- What are you doing up there, boy?
- The cows chased me.
The cows chased you,
huh? All right. Come on.
Hey, mister?
What about me?
It's your turn, Jim.
Come on.
- The cows are sure mean.
- Well, we're a lot meaner.
You'll be all right now. - Hey!
Can I come down too?
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
Any more around here like you?
Sure, over there.
What is this? Some sort of an
old-timey tree-climbing convention?
Oh, no. We live there.
Mr. Smithers told
us to watch the cows.
He sent Johnny and Pedro
out to see if there's any more.
Oh, well, that's real
nice of Mr. Smithers.
We just came to get the cows.
Well, if you want to buy them,
you'll have to talk to Mr. Smithers.
I don't know what
he sold the others for.
Sold the others?
You mean, he's been
selling his beef here?
- You never seen nothing like it.
- Ever since that tornado
they've been coming out of the
hills from every which direction.
Ugh, oh, boy.
Well, ahem, do you want
to flip to see who goes back?
Oh, no. You're the
ramrod. That's your job.
You go get him.
Me, no, I'll just stay here at the house
and keep an eye on these little fellers.
Oh, be careful, now.
Stay away from the wheels.
Whoa! Heh.
I got a surprise for
you. Wait a minute.
All right, now, you take these inside,
there's something for every one of you.
- Yay!
- Be nimble, be quick!
Here you are. There you are,
Pedro. Here, Danny. Here we are.
- Mr. Smithers, can I have one?
- You can have one, of course.
- There you are.
- Can I have one, Mr. Smithers?
Heh, two of them for you.
Oh, boy. It's just wonderful.
I got some paint for the barn,
I got a new stool for the kitchen,
and, uh, has any cows wandered by?
- Twelve at least.
- Twelve?
Oh, these gentlemen want
to talk to you about them.
Oh, splendid. Splendid.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Edgar Allan Smithers, at your service.
Gil Favor, Rowdy
Yates, Jim Quince.
Oh, cattlemen, I can see.
Oh, I admire you.
It must be a very challenging
life, rounding up all those wild cows
and driving them clean
across the continent.
They all ain't exactly
wild, Mr. Smithers.
Now, your daughter
Betsy was telling me...
No, no, no. No, not
my daughter, my niece.
As for the others, I'm afraid I
can't identify their antecedents.
- They're orphans.
- This is an orphanage, huh?
Well, I'm afraid it
doesn't look like much
but as I always say, it's
what's inside that counts.
Oh, I must admit that
the hand of providence
does man the helm of our
ship of life sometimes, heh.
Mr. Smithers.
It fits. It fits me perfect.
Perfectly.
Now, you go inside, there's
some more packages for you.
As I was saying,
providence.
The Lord moves
in mysterious ways.
- Now, take that tornado last week...
- We took it all right.
Oh, why, well, I know it must
have brought havoc for some.
But to those whose ship was
foundering on the pinnacle of privation,
well, indeed, sir, it
was truly a blessing.
Sort of like cows
from heaven, huh?
That's a fitting
way of putting it.
A very fitting way, indeed.
You know, this is just like
Christmas to those children.
A Christmas that's long overdue.
And all because of money derived
from the sale of a few stray cows.
Mr. Smithers.
Look, they don't fit.
Oh, excuse me.
Well, now, maybe we can have
Betsy let them down a little bit
or we can cut them
off right at the knees.
Knee pants are for girls.
Aw, oh.
Well, now, Kevin, you
have two alternatives,
- either we'll let
your hair grow, - Heh.
Or you can run inside
and change your pants
because we can have
them exchanged, heh.
Besides from the presents,
I had enough money left over to
buy some furniture, chairs and beds.
Three hundred dollars
can go a long, long way.
- Three hundred dollars?
- Three hundred dollars?
That's what you
sold the beef for?
Yes, indeed.
Mr. Randolph wanted
to pay $2 a head,
but, uh, I stuck to 3, and
by sheer tenacity, I got it.
Sheer tenacity.
Oh, you drive a hard bargain.
Exactly who is
this Mr. Randolph?
Oh, he runs the
bank in Cedar Springs.
Oh, now look, if you intend to do
business with him, be very careful.
He is a wily one.
Oh, I sort of
gathered that already.
Tell me, uh, did he ask for a bill
of sale or papers of ownership?
Oh, well, I signed
a lot of papers.
Transferals and the like.
Routine, I guess, for business.
- Heh.
- Well, we better catch up to this fellow
before he sells them
to somebody else, huh?
Well, don't let him
hike the price beyond 5.
You know what he paid for them.
Thanks a lot for telling us.
You've been a real big help.
Oh, uh, and incidentally, those, uh...
The cows over here in the meadow,
uh, would you like to buy them?
I was gonna keep a few around
but they're a little too
rambunctious for the children.
Yeah, look, how about, uh,
30 dollars, does that sound fair?
Oh, that is more than
fair. That is very generous.
- Oh, gee, thank you very much.
- Think nothing of it.
You want me to sign
a receipt or anything?
- Who needs ownership papers?
- Uh-huh.
Mr. Smithers,
come and look at Mary.
- She's just beautiful.
- Oh, coming, coming.
Uh, thank you very much, gentlemen.
Nice doing business with you.
Well, a pleasure,
Mr. Favor. Mr. Yates.
And Mr. Andrews.
Good afternoon, sheriff.
This must be important business.
Mr. Randolph, I understand you
bought a hundred head of cattle
- from Mr. Edgar Smithers.
- I surely did.
- And a profitable transaction.
- But illegal.
That's right. Those cattle belong to
me. Here's my duly registered trail brand.
Ownership papers,
brand registration papers.
The brand's pretty commonly
known, Mr. Randolph.
Mr. Smithers assured me
that those cattle were strays.
- That they belonged to him.
- I'm sure Mr. Smithers believed that.
He don't know the front
of the steer from the back.
But you, as a dealer in cattle,
I'm certain that you would
question his title to branded steers.
Well, I, uh, never even
inspected that beef, gentlemen.
I, uh... I found Mr. Smithers
to be about as honorable a
man as I've ever dealt with.
I give him credit here
to feed those children.
Well, when he said he had that
cattle, I, uh, bought them sight unseen.
That's too bad. You'll just
have to work out some means
of recouping your
300 dollars from him.
- Where have you got them corralled?
- Corralled? Heh.
I sold them on the
day of purchase.
Matter of fact, I, uh,
have the papers right here.
They're all properly drawn
and executed by Mr. Smithers.
- You drew these papers up yourself?
- Well, naturally.
I wasn't about to buy
something I couldn't sell legally.
Certainly not stolen property.
Well, who'd you
sell the steers to?
Well, I, uh...
I'm afraid that that is my,
uh, personal business, sir.
Don't matter.
These are good enough
for any legitimate dealer.
Mr. Smithers, the
Good Samaritan, heh.
Naive, yes, but...
Uh, how much of a loss
will this represent, Mr. Favor?
Well, who says we're
taking a loss yet?
Well, the only recourse you
have is with Mr. Smithers,
and that, heh, poor,
bumbling fellow is penniless.
Of course, I suppose, you
could thrown him in jail but...
But the kids.
There's still the
Cattlemen's Association.
If you think those scraps
are going to protect you...
Rowdy, Rowdy,
Rowdy, no need for that.
This gentleman here has
obviously acted in good faith, huh?
It's just a matter of being
taken in by a tornado
and a fool what
believes in Santa Claus.
Yeah, well, you can't blame me
for being a little upset, Mr. Randolph,
that beef would have
brought me $4000 in Denver.
Oh, tsk, tsk, that is a
heavy loss, Mr. Favor.
Oh, well, law of averages, I
guess. You can't win them all.
Oh, by the way, uh, how much
did you make on the transaction?
Oh, I made, uh, 2700, clear.
Well, whoever bought them
sure knew what he was up to, heh.
Yes, well, I suppose there's
no harm in my telling you,
it happens to be a very respectable
broker, name of Frank Travis.
Travis, yeah, good man.
I'm sorry that it had to be
at your expense, Mr. Favor.
Never fear. I'll just take it out
on someone else next time.
You aren't gonna let him
get away with this, are you?
Look, you can stay here and
sue Smithers, if you want to.
Me, I got a herd to
take care of. Good day.
Oh, uh, Mr. Yates, I really
think it would be fruitless
to pursue this matter any further
with Mr. Smithers. After all...
I know. The orphans.
Gil Favor.
You old sidewinder, you.
So you finally did it, huh, Frank?
You finally turned to rustling.
Oh, I only came
along with the sheriff
because I was so tickled to find
out that you, heh, finally got taken.
Thanks for picking
him up, sheriff.
Rowdy, biggest thief
in Texas, Frank Travis.
Look here, Gil, I knew
that was your beef,
but, uh, I figured you
sold it for trail cash.
Not my beef,
Frank, owner's beef.
And they expect to get cash for it.
Four thousand dollars' worth of cash.
You got a little problem.
Well, here's my picture:
I bought about 700 to 800
head, at about 30 dollars,
and I'm moving them
up to the mining country
to pick up 35 to 37 a head.
But I could go
bust just as easy,
so I'll give you your beef back
to you for what I paid for them.
Hmm, that's fine. Only
where do we get $3000?
From the man
what stole it, I hope.
Sheriff, do you agree that Randolph
knew exactly what he was doing?
No doubt about it. I
could go on and say
that he's taken every man in
the country at one time or another.
The trouble is, he's got a whole
satchel full of papers to hide behind.
Well, if you wouldn't mind
looking the other way for a little bit,
I might be able to feed him
some of his own medicine.
Well, if I'm gonna be blind in one
eye, I sure don't want to hear the details.
That's what I like, a lawman
with a real feel for justice.
- When you pulling out, Frank?
- Tomorrow morning.
Oh, too soon. Too soon.
Can you give me four, five days?
Hmm...
Forty-eight hours,
that's the outside.
- I don't get it.
- You're not expected to get it.
All you got to do is deliver this to
bank and do like you was told to.
Oh.
Well, that's a sizable draft.
As for provisions,
we're moving out.
Mr. Yates, I, uh...
I couldn't help but, uh, sense
your animosity this afternoon.
I want you to know that
I'm only a businessman.
Yeah. Well, it, uh...
It wasn't the cattle we lost
to Smithers that hurt so much,
it's the other 200 head.
Tornadoes, tsk.
Three hundred altogether?
Oh, my, that's a tremendous
beating for you to be taking.
Yeah, well, that's what I told Mr. Favor,
but he's the boss and gives the orders.
So we just write it off, heh.
Do you have any idea where
those strays wandered off to?
Well, if we did, we'd
be out rounding them up.
I suppose that storm dropped
them about 50 counties west of here.
Well...
Ugh, no. No, no.
Lightning could never
strike twice in the same place.
Still...
Clarence, uh, the next
time you see Mr. Smithers,
would you tell him that I'm
still in the market for stray cows?
Heh, you never can tell,
with him it could happen.
Now, you don't mean to tell me
those little varmints didn't
even know they were stealing.
No, Wish, they just
looked at it like it was
well, finders, keepers, you
know, and so did this Smithers.
Well, a man like that I can
understand, but not a kid.
No, sir, every one of
them is a born rustler
and mighty few of
them ever outgrow it.
Most of the kids I've ever known ought
to be froze stiff, time they could walk,
and thawed out
with caution after 20.
All right, Rowdy, take everybody
here and go out and cut out 200 head.
I want them ready
to move at first light.
- All right. Come on, everybody.
- Let's go.
Wishbone.
I got a special job
for you and Mushy.
You come to the
right man, Mr. Favor.
Any time you want anything
done right, you just ask...
Me. Of all the big-mouthed,
gravel-headed nitwits,
why didn't you stop me?
Or better yet, why
didn't I save my money?
That way, I could've
bought back those cows,
and we wouldn't have to be here.
Talk about tornadoes.
Time this one's over, you'll wish
that one last week had carried you off.
Hey, that's my shirt!
Keep your gun handy.
Evening. Could I help you?
Evening, miss. We'd
like to see Mr. Smithers.
Come on in. I'll get him.
Look, there's my hat.
Later, you idiot.
Now, you stay here,
I'm gonna do the talking.
Evening.
I'm sorry to keep you gentlemen
waiting. Oh, it's bath time.
My name is George W. Haggerty,
and this is my friend,
H. Mushgrove Watson.
A pleasure.
Uh, my, what a handsome
group of children.
Tell Uncle George,
what's your name?
You put me down, you billy goat.
Billy goat?
That is a nasty way to treat our guest,
treating him in such a cavalier manner.
Now, you... Everybody into
bed, get ready for your bath.
Be nimble.
Otherwise I'll have to, uh,
take drastic measures.
I must proffer my
apologies, Mr. Haggerty.
Not at all, Mr. Smithers.
Children will be children,
heh, Lord love them.
As a matter of fact, that's
one reason we came here.
We heard you run an orphanage
and thought maybe
you could use some help.
Well, a man in my
position could use help but...
You see, Mushgrove and I was
both raised in foundling homes.
- Oh, my, really?
- Yeah.
Oh, that's music
to my ears, heh.
Don't that take you back?
Oh, it sure does, Mr. Haggerty.
Well, I, uh... I could use the help
but I'm afraid I couldn't afford...
Mr. Smithers, you're looking at
two road-weary, lonesome travelers
just looking for a place like home
we can hang our hats for a spell.
We'd even work for our keep.
Oh, I couldn't ask you
gentlemen to do that, heh.
Mr. Smithers, we're asking you.
Why, Mushgrove and
me, we cook, do laundry,
and well, we certainly
do love children.
Well, my goodness, they're
certainly lively tonight, aren't they?
And it isn't as if we
didn't have experience.
Why, there just isn't
anything we can't do for kids.
- I could use the help.
- Then it's all settled.
Settled it is. You can
bunk in the back and...
Well, here, you might just
as well start on their baths.
And if you don't mind, I
have quite a little sewing to do.
This saves a lot of...
You know, it's a
blessing is what it is, heh.
The man said bath, and
you're gonna get a bath.
You and that bean shooter.
Now, take off those clothes.
- You make me.
- What?
Get away from
that door in there!
"And the Black Knight thrust his
faithful sword into the dragon's heart.
Mortally stricken, the fierce
giant fell, roaring his fury
and breathing the flames
of inferno into the heavens.
Then he was dead.
One last mighty bellow and
the terrible dragon was no more.
The Black Knight put
the princess on his horse,
and they drove away into the
setting sun to live happily ever after."
Yes, sir, I missed my calling.
Sire Wishbone, the
Black Knight of Texas.
Bedtime stories.
I think you read them very well.
It usually takes me
all of the Black Knight
and all of Mother Goose
to get them this quiet.
It must be that I can
bore them quicker.
Seems to be the
best part of the day.
It's like being in a room
with a host of angels.
Some with dirty
faces, I must admit.
You don't mind my
asking, Mr. Smithers,
how'd you get saddled with
all these little, heh, angels?
Saddled?
Well, I guess it did seem
like that in the beginning.
I was a librarian.
For 20 years, I lived behind two
stories of thick Philadelphia stone,
in a world where my
only friends existed
between worn leather bindings
and dusty squares of parchment.
Chaucer, Keats, Tennyson,
all fine men, all loyal to a T,
but hardly the proper association to
prepare me for a career as a rancher.
But my brother died,
and left me this place
complete with little Betsy.
And I had no other choice.
So it was westward ho.
Just when I was beginning to figure
out which end of a plow was which,
Betsy found Johnny and
Susy down by the river.
Their folks were
drowned in the storm.
Seemed to be no
other place for them.
So...
You know, and word got
around and before I knew it,
Pedro and Rob and Danny,
they showed up in the
barn hiding under the hay.
You know, Mr. Haggerty,
at that moment I decided
I was gonna go back to my
stone and parchment world,
no matter how
make-believe it was,
but then one day I
heard them talking,
and I knew then that
this was where I belonged.
What do you mean,
you heard them talking?
Oh, well, it was
out by the barn.
Johnny asked Danny if
he knew who God was,
and Danny said, "Mr. Smithers."
Well, all the children laughed
and Johnny says,
"How do you know that?"
And Danny says, "Mr.
Smithers always says,
'With God I retire,
and with God I get up, '
and as Mr. Smithers
goes to bed with me
and gets up with me,
then Mr. Smithers must be God."
Well, I corrected his
innocent blasphemy, heh,
but if I can give them
that, Mr. Haggerty,
think what they can give to me.
Good night.
Mr. Haggerty, I'm sorry
I called you a billy goat.
I like whiskers.
Here's some more, Mr. Wishbone.
It's after 9:00.
Mr. Favor will have the
herd up there by now.
We ought to get going.
Well, Mr. Smithers, he won't let
them go cow hunting until class is over.
- Why ain't you in class, Mike?
- Got expelled.
I have to study all
by myself in the barn.
- Where did you get that hat?
- Danny found it.
He's letting me wear it.
You think the owner
might want it back?
Tough. He lent to me.
Do you mind if I try it on?
Yeah, but don't crush it.
- It fits perfect.
- Huh.
Here.
Get to work and
hang up these clothes.
Give me back my hat.
Do you mind if I wear it
while we hang up the clothes?
You ought to be ashamed of
yourself. Taking hats away from kids.
- You're mean.
- What...? Why you...
I got your hat back
for you, didn't I?
Yeah, but you didn't
have to holler at my friend.
- I'll help you, Mushgrove.
- Thank you.
Recess. CHILDREN: Yay!
Recess.
Come on, Mr. Smithers.
Let's go hunt for cows.
Yeah!
No, no, no, not at this time.
And don't be bothering our friends over
there while they're doing their chores.
Now, look, we still have
arithmetic, but I'll tell you what,
we'll go hiking for lunch and
we'll make a picnic out of it.
- Yeah!
- Play with the bean bag, go ahead.
Yeah, come on.
Come on, here!
Children.
Look there.
A blue bunting.
Oh.
The first this year.
Come on, let's go on over the
hill. I'm sure this is cow country.
Oh, we've got all afternoon.
What do you say we picnic first?
Yeah!
Listen, listen. I'm sure I
heard a steer bawl. Come on.
There we go.
- Hey, lookit here.
- Yeah, cows.
I told you I had
a nose for cattle.
Jiminy, there's
hundreds of them.
Stay right here.
Don't go out there.
Never in my born days. Never.
I tell you what, let's all make a
guess as to how many there are
and the one who comes the
closest gets an extra piece of cake.
- Ten hundred.
- Two thousand.
Twenty-five hundred.
Mr. Smithers, maybe you
better go on into the bank
and tell that fella you
got another windfall.
Hey, you two get back here.
Those cows can be dangerous.
Now, you pay attention to
what Mr. Haggerty tells you.
You know, it's a lucky thing
Mr. Haggerty came along when he did
because I never would've
thought of looking in this direction.
- Well, let's all have lunch.
- I'm gonna buy a doll.
I'm gonna buy a
horse. I'm big enough.
Mr. Smithers, this is
no time for a picnic.
Must be 200, maybe more.
If that bank closes, you might
lose this herd over the weekend.
- Yeah, a storm or a stampede maybe.
- More likely rustlers.
Ah, now you're talking.
Maybe you're right. There
doesn't seem to be much time.
Tell you what, we'll have our
picnic on the way into town.
What do you say? All right?
Put it in there and let's go.
All right now, give me
that, let's go. All right.
All right, children,
let's go now.
Be careful of the
wheels getting off.
All right, now.
Come on. Here we go.
Here we go.
Now, give me your hand, all
right, everybody into the bank now.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
- Hello, Mr. Randolph.
- You'll never guess what.
- You never saw so many.
- I never saw so many what?
Cows!
We found 200 more.
- Closer to 2 million.
- They're even fatter than the others.
Uh, they must have
straggled in overnight.
As you said, sir, lightning can strike
more than once in the same place.
Oh, yes, quite. Quite, quite.
Two... Two hundred, did you say?
Well, approximately, we didn't
take time for an accurate count.
Oh, well, that's
perfectly all right.
Your word is good as
gold with me, Mr. Smithers.
Look, why don't you sit down, I
mean, take a deep breath and relax.
I'll be back in a moment.
- Oh, no rush.
- Mr. Randolph.
Clarence, see that Mr. Smithers
makes himself perfectly
at home, will you?
At home.
Well, uh, why don't
we play games, hmm?
- Yeah!
- All right.
What about hide-and-go-seek?
- In the bank vault.
- Where you keep money.
- Yeah!
- Hey. Hey, wait. Now, wait.
- Down. Down. Get down.
- Put that down.
Well, I'm glad I
found you, Mr. Travis.
- Drink?
- Thank you, no.
I, ahem, just wanted to verify
that you're still in the market.
You see, there's
a slight possibility
that I might be able to
get hold of, uh, 200 head.
I'm still in the market.
But you'll have to make whatever
deal you got by this evening,
- because I'm pushing out at dawn.
- Oh, I can do that.
- Uh, the price is still the same?
- Thirty a head.
Two hundred, let's see, that would
bring me, uh, 6000 dollars, right?
Well, if you don't find me
here, I'll be at the hotel.
Oh, that's fine. Fine.
Good, Mr. Randolph.
Then it's a deal, Mr. Smithers.
Three dollars a head.
Did I hear you say
three dollars a head?
You did. Not that it's
any of your business.
Oh, this is Mr. Haggerty,
our new cook.
And the first one to see those
cows, so it makes it my business.
And as an ex-foundling myself,
I'm concerned for these orphans.
So let's start by agreeing
that three dollars a head
won't even buy the flies
off those cow's hides.
Very well. I'm a
charitable man myself.
Name a figure.
Well, at the railhead...
This is not a
railhead. I'll go five.
Mister, I'd carry
them there piggyback
before I'd let them
go for money like that.
Fifteen a head is more like it.
Fifteen for each one?
Greenback dollars.
Now, I may be
just a hash-slinger,
but I know a little bit of
something about cattle.
Three thousand dollars?
What...? That's
utterly preposterous.
Mr. Haggerty, that does
seem to go beyond reason.
Let him go. There's
plenty of cattle buyers.
You can usually find them
hanging around saloons after hours.
Now...
Now, Mr. Smithers,
you and I have both dealt fairly
with each other up until now.
Why don't we just agree on
a sensible price? Say, uh, 10.
Ten? RANDOLPH: Yes.
But I must close
the deal tonight.
Because, uh, if I don't close
the deal I will only lose a deal.
But you and those dear
children will suffer grievously.
Well, uh, Mr. Haggerty, I don't see
how I could spend more than 500.
Three thousand.
Well, I can see we're not
gonna get anywhere this way.
I'll just saddle up
and ride into town.
Who knows? I might
even make a better deal.
No. Uh, no.
No need for that.
I've come this far, I might
as well go all the way.
All right,
3000.
Three thousand?
Yes, but don't you come to me
with any more of your stray cows.
Well, I, uh, feel a little badly
about this money too, Calvin.
It, uh,
does seem to be a
little extra providence.
Twenty-nine,
953, 3000.
Ah, and on those papers you can
just put in my name, George Haggerty.
See, I'm the one
that found them.
I'll just sign with
my customary "X."
Get them moving!
Hey, where's my...?
Do I get a horse?
Where's my buggy and horse?
Hey! Rustlers.
Mr. Randolph, they're
running off with your cattle.
Well, hurry up. Get your horses.
Well, hold on now. It's your
cattle. They must be your rustlers.
Why, you...
- I'll get the shotgun.
- I'll help you.
- I'll get my slingshot.
- No, no.
All of you get back there.
You're not going anywhere.
They might not even be rustlers.
Maybe they're just men, and
figure they found some cows.
Oh, well, that's probably
what it is, of course.
Well, Mr. Randolph
can handle it.
How much did we make
this time, Mr. Smithers?
Six hundred?
Well, Mr. Haggerty raised
the price to, uh, $3000.
- Three thousand?
- Golly, that's more than a million.
Uncle George did it.
Children, I hate
to throw cold water,
but this is a heap of money for us
to come by with just luck, you know.
What do you mean?
What he means, Johnny,
is that anything so valuable
is not so easily come by.
And those cows over
there are worth a lot more
than any of us
has ever imagined.
And it's not likely that such
gold on the hoof so to speak
would be left around for
us to grab in a selfish world.
What he means is, we think
those cows belonged to somebody
and they lost them,
and, well, it just isn't right for
us to get rich at their expense.
Mr. Smithers, I think I can round up
the fellows that belong to this money.
Children?
We think he should.
All right, I'll go
get my horses.
Mushy, you go on in
there and get our things.
I don't understand
you, Mr. Randolph.
- They're wearing my brand.
- Well, what different does that make?
He said that you were
moving out, abandoning them.
Oh, well, what my poor simple
ramrod thinks I'm going to do,
and what I finally decide to do
are two entirely different things.
Mr. Favor's men
spotted them over here.
I volunteered to
help drive them back.
Yes, well, I'm afraid you
found them a little too late
because it so happens that
I just purchased them legally
from a man who certified
that he was the legal owner.
Don't see how that could be.
I've seen Mr. Favor's papers.
- Who's "X"?
- What? George Haggerty.
I wrote it there in
the first sentence,
"I, George Haggerty,
do hereby warrant..."
I see. You wrote
that thing yourself.
Well, I...
But he couldn't read or write.
This is about as binding as a
rotten rubber band, Mr. Randolph.
- I think you just better forget it.
- You better come with me, sheriff.
I'm beginning to think
I'm going to need you.
Mushgrove.
Mushgrove.
Mushgrove.
Oh, hello, Mike, have
you seen Mushgrove?
- I was just going to look for him.
- Well, so am I.
- Come on, let's go find him.
- Uncle George?
What?
Are you and
Mushgrove coming back?
Oh, well, I...
Well, yeah. Next time we're around
these parts we'll sure come back.
- I'd like that.
- So would I.
I was just gonna give
Mushgrove this hat.
I traded Danny my lizard for it.
And besides, it fits
Mushgrove better than me.
It sure does. You know,
that's mighty nice of you.
Come on, let's go find
him and give it to him.
Well, I guess we're all
ready. Bye, Mr. Smithers.
All of you. CHILDREN: Bye.
Mr. Haggerty, I was
knitting this for Mr. Smithers
but he's got three of them
and I decided to let you have it.
Isn't that nice?
Why, it's a scarf.
Just what I've always
needed and a red one too.
I hope you find out who the
money belongs to, Mr. Haggerty.
Well, I will, Robbie.
Well, I already found one thing,
I found out the world
isn't full of little rustlers.
- Goodbye, Uncle George.
- Bye.
Now, all of you
stand back there.
- Out of the way.
- Get away from the horse. That's it.
Smithers, I want to
see George Haggerty.
Well, you just missed
him. My goodness,
you look very pale, Mr. Randolph,
come on in and sit down.
What do you mean,
I just missed him?
Well, I think he, uh, went to look
for the rightful owner of the money.
Did you hear that? He's
making a getaway. Go after him!
Slow down. Now
what'd he look like?
Well, don't sit there
asking stupid questions.
He was bald-headed and
runty and he had whiskers.
- Now, go find him.
- Whiskers, huh? Runty?
Oh, that sounds like
"Stumpy George" Hoggarth.
Yup, he goes by
Haggerty, Hoggarth, Hogan.
He has to stick to "H's" because
he's got his initials tattooed.
I am not interested in
the details. Go find him!
Um, I'll have to round up a posse.
Stumpy George is a lot of man.
Go after him. Go after him!
Posse. He'll never find him.
Do you realize that
you cost me $3000?
Well, that makes it just
about even, doesn't it?
Isn't that what you made
on that other transaction?
I made 2700. I
had to give him 300.
And if you want to know
what I think, Smithers,
I think those have all
been the same cattle.
And if he doesn't find Hoggarth, or
Haggerty or whatever his name is,
you are going to owe me $300.
Well, uh, I'll pay whatever
I'm obliged to, Mr. Randolph.
Uh-uh, oh, Mr. Smithers didn't
make the second deal with you.
He made the first
and that one you sewed
up nice and tight and legal.
So if anybody's got a claim
against Mr. Smithers, it's me.
And by me, I just want to thank
you for gathering up my cattle.
I think you got off real
cheap, Mr. Randolph.
I mean, some folks would have
to pay a thousand dollars or more
for that kind of education.
True. True.
Gee, they were the nicest men.
Oh, I can't believe that about
Mr. Haggerty and Mushgrove.
What do you mean, you
can't believe...? You...
After what they
did... And you...
Oh, what's the use?
Come on, Mr. Smithers,
let's play a game.
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Who can get the bean bag?
- I will.
You. All right, let's go.
Head them up.
Move them out.