Rawhide (1959–1965): Season 6, Episode 10 - Incident at Confidence Creek - full transcript

Any bites yet?

Bites?

I'm not fishing, you
idiot, I'm trapping bear.

Now, shut up.

- I think I hear something.
- Oh, let go.

[RUSTLING]

[CLATTERING]

I got him! I got him!

Come on, let go. How
can I tie it that way?

MAN: Help!

Help!



Help!

MUSHY: Look.

Well, are you gonna skin
him here or cut him down?

Help?

That was Gilroy.

Elwood P. Gilroy.

Better known professionally
as The Great Escapo.

Master of the mystic arts

who challenges anyone
to render him helpless

by any manner
of shackle or bond,

with the exception of course of
your very remarkable bear trap.

Oh, and you've already
met my, uh, trusted assistant,

Miss Crystal Simpson,

who shares with me the hazards of
journeying across this marvelous...



What he's trying to say is that
one of our horses broke a leg

and we had to leave our
wagon down at the foot of the hill.

Could you sell us a horse?

At a fair price, of course.

Oh, well, that would be
up to the trail boss, ma'am.

Uh, he'll be back shortly though

and there's no call to leave your
wagon out there in the dark now.

Hey Soos.

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Don't you jaspers know
better than to sit around

like a bunch of buzzards
when folks is eating?

Now, get out of
here. All of you.

Joe, we owe Wishbone an apology.

Yep, we ought to let him
set his trap out more often.

- Amen.
- Heh.

Uh, sir, um...

I wonder if you
might, uh, spare me

another small portion of,
uh, this delectable concoction.

Just meat and potatoes.

Oh, on the contrary, sir.

It's the epitome of
gustatory perfection.

- Slumgullion. It's my specialty.
- Indeed it is, sir. Indeed it is.

Tell me, how do you, um,
manage to trap the wild game, uh,

for this slumgullion?

Wild game? You mean the beef?

Oh, yes, this is
a cow, isn't it?

Like those ones I
saw down the hill?

Rather a large group of
ferocious looking animals,

- wouldn't you agree, my dear?
- Mm-hm.

For your information, those
ferocious-looking animals

were just a herd
of prime Texas beef

that we're driving to
Denver for good hard money.

Uh, money?

Forty dollars on the
hoof at the railhead.

Forty dollars per cow?

Well, you don't think we're
gonna give them away, do you?

Uh, no, of course not.

There were a substantial
number of them as I recall.

Heh, just about 3,000
head of them to be exact.

Three thousand?

Elwood, you mustn't let your
gustatory perfection get cold.

- Hmm, oh, of course not, my dear.
- Mm-hm.

I was only curious.

Although it must be
somewhat of an adventure, uh,

leading those cows
to their noble destiny.

You can't lead cows
anywhere. You got to push them.

Beeves aren't interested
in anything but standing still.

Very unfortunate.

It must be rather difficult to engage
in this, uh, business of yours, uh,

purely as an
investment, of course.

Oh, no, it's real easy.

All you got to do is
have plenty of cows,

ownership papers and
a good appetite for dust.

Ownership papers?

Well, it comes with the herd.

It isn't considered healthy trying
to sell a herd you don't belong to.

Uh, yes, I can, uh, see the
importance of having such papers.

Uh, I trust that you have your
papers secured in a safe place?

Safe enough.

Strongbox in the supply wagon.

Well, uh, that's a wise
precaution. Uh, very wise indeed.

WISHBONE: Mushy! Aren't
you gonna help with these dishes?

MUSHY: Yes, sir.

You know, my dear, after
all this hospitality, it seems...

It seems we should show
some measure of our gratitude.

Like how?

Well, how else, heh?

A simple little, uh, entertainment
just to show our appreciation.

Heh, it wouldn't have anything to do
with those papers in that strongbox,

would it?

Oh, my dear, how can you
think such a thing of me?

Of course, I would appreciate
your usual artistic performance.

[CHUCKLES]

[CROWD APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]

And now, gentlemen,

observe the endless treasures
located within your colleague's hat.

Behold a bouquet of flowers.

Ha, ha.

Keep that.

Take back your magic hat,
sir. We are duly impressed.

Thank you, thank you.

And now, the moment we
have all been waiting for.

Our little extra
added attraction.

It makes young men forget
and old men remember.

Charmeena, forbidden
beauty of the Orient

and her fabled dance
of the opium den.

[ALL CHEERING AND HOOTING]

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]

[CROWD CONTINUES CHEERING]

[LOUDER CHEERING]

[CHEERING CONTINUES]

[MUSIC STOPS]

We, heh, didn't exactly expect
you back so soon, Rowdy.

Oh, really? That's
kind of obvious.

Yeah, well...

Where's Mr. Favor?

Uh, he's helping the army
take some beeves up at the fort.

He figured one of us ought
to keep an eye on the herd

in case nobody else had time.

CRYSTAL: Relax, cowboy.

You made it back just
in time for the big finish.

Sit down. Join the party.

The party's over.

Heh, suit yourself.

We was just showing the
boys some gratitude, heh.

That's gratitude?

- Why, you...
- Excuse me, gentlemen.

Something must have
happened to the music.

Oh, why, you must be Mr. Favor.
My name is Gilroy, Elwood P. Gilroy.

Better known as The Great
Escapo and this is my assi...

Save it, Elwood. Cowboy
here don't like our company.

The name's Rowdy
Yates. The ramrod.

- Ramrod?
- The boss at the moment.

Oh, yes, of course.

Well, it's a pleasure to
meet you, Mr. Ramrod.

- Yates.
- Uh, Yates.

Uh, you see, uh, Miss Simpson and
I were passing by your encampment

when misfortune
befell one of our horses.

We were hoping that maybe we
could purchase a replacement from you.

Yeah, I might.

Splendid, splendid.
Shall we say, uh, $10?

Let's say 15 and you
hitch it up right now.

Now? It's the
middle of the night.

It's also the middle
of a cattle drive, lady.

Now, there's a town only
two miles south of here.

The hotel there is
cheap, real cheap.

- Unh.
- Well, as a matter of fact, uh,

we do have an early engagement
which precludes a more lengthy visit.

Uh, that was $15, you said?

If you think I'm gonna go
tip-toeing through the tulies

on the say so of this
no-good so and so,

you are very much mistaken.

The price goes up a dollar a minute
and I got all night to stand here.

Uh, Crystal, my dear,
as Mr. Yates said,

it would be better if we left.

Five and 10.

And 15.

Hey Soos, hitch up the bay.

Are the rest of you boys
waiting for the herd to come in

and take care of you?

I suppose you won't
get off the road again.

It's been a real pleasure.

Pleasure.

Why that lop-eared,
overgrown, bushy-tailed cowboy.

- What does he think he is?
- Crystal, Crystal, my jewel.

That's no way to talk about a
member of the cattle industry.

Especially now that,
uh, we are a part of it.

What?

Very interesting.

Very, very
interesting, Mr. Favor.

Three thousand prime head
of Texas steers for $60,000.

That's quite a bargain.

All your papers
seem to be in order.

Power of attorney to
sell. Texas registration.

Brand identification.

Tell me something.

Why are the owners of the herd
so anxious to sell them at a loss?

I'm, uh, afraid you have me at
a disadvantage there, sir, um...

It's not the owner's
idea, it's mine.

Oh, I see.

Then you plan to turn the
money over to the rightful owners

with a suitable explanation.

Of course.

Mr. Favor, ahem, I'm
only a vice-president.

Such a large investment

would require the approval of
the entire bank management.

There might be,
uh, well, delays.

That could prove,
uh, very inconvenient.

Um, there must be an area of
compromise, a private purchaser.

- A what?
- A private purchaser.

Well, it might be difficult to locate a
private purchaser with, uh, $60,000.

Well, then, shall we
say, um, $50,000?

[CHUCKLES]

Well, a private purchaser
might find it necessary

to borrow the funds
from the bank's reserves.

Naturally, that would entail
a certain element of, uh, risk.

Naturally, um...

I think we can close this
transaction for $30,000.

Twenty thousand dollars, Favor.

Provided you get out
of town and keep going.

Why, that's robbery.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, genius?

I'm afraid this is gonna take a little
longer than we planned, my dear.

- How much longer?
- Four or five hours.

The bank had to call a meeting
to approve the transaction.

Tsk, nothing I like better
than hiding in an alley all day.

Forgive me, I've been
very inconsiderate.

Now, why don't
you go to the hotel,

check yourself into a
nice comfortable room,

and perhaps do
a little shopping?

Nothing like a nice new
frock to improve the spirits.

The only thing that's gonna
improve my spirits is that trip

to San Francisco you
keep promising me.

All in good time,
all in good time.

But for the moment, we must
continue the masquerade as strangers.

Yeah?

And what are you gonna
be doing in the meantime?

Oh, I thought I might make an
appearance at the local saloon.

After all, um, a trail boss must conduct
himself as a trail boss, you know?

[CHUCKLES]

Just make sure you
conduct yourself to the hotel

when you get the
money, stranger.

Of course, my dear.

Rowdy, there's a star riding in.

There's a whole
bunch of law with him.

TIPPET: All right, sheriff. Do your
duty. All these men are trespassing!

I'll handle this,
Tippet! Now, just relax.

You decide to do a little
homesteading, mister?

What's on your mind, sheriff?

Well, that herd back over the
hill there belongs to Mr. Tippet

and he says he don't recall hiring
any of you to take care of it for him.

Belongs to who?

It's all legal and I've
got the papers to prove it.

Mister, you may have a paper,

but it doesn't have
anything to do with this herd.

We brought this herd
up from San Antonio

and you can check on that.
The boss's name is Favor.

- Is that right?
ROWDY: That's right.

- Where is he?
- I saw him off yesterday.

He's taking a couple hundred
head over to Fort Collins.

Well, now, that's
real interesting.

Because somebody named Favor
came into town just this morning.

Sold 3,000 head for $20,000.

You claiming that
ain't the same Favor?

I'm not claiming anything.

I'm just telling you that
Mr. Favor didn't sell this herd

not to this man or anybody else.

Well, that ought
to be easy to prove.

Let's have a look
at your papers.

All right.

- Wish, don't keep the sheriff waiting.
- Heh, be my pleasure.

- Rowdy, it's gone.
- What?

Not even a layer of dust.

Wait a minute, papers just
don't get out of a box and walk off.

Well, sheriff, are
you convinced now?

Maybe somebody just up stole
them when you weren't looking.

- Rowdy?
- What?

- I think I know what happened.
- What?

Well, we were just kind
of sitting around talking

and he was asking
the craziest questions.

And then, well, how did I know
he was greasing me up for...?

He who?

Uh, The Great Escapo.

I probably told him
where we keep them

and then he went and got them

while we was watching
that cooch dancer.

You told him?

Oh, boy.

Well, Mr. Favor's gonna be
really thrilled when he hears this.

I've seen enough. The
whole herd is impounded

and everything with it,
including all the horses.

The circuit judge will be
here day after tomorrow

- and he'll settle all arguments.
- Now, wait just a minute.

If you think you're
gonna take over this herd

just because you
say you we're...

Disturbing the peace?

[LOCK RATTLING]

Good a charge as any

when you start throwing your
weight around with the sheriff's posse.

Bail is set at a
hundred dollars each.

A hundred dollars?

I ain't got a hundred cents.

Why, we ain't had a $100
between us since we left Abilene.

- What are we gonna do?
- Hide, you idiot. Hide!

You don't think that I'm gonna
be the one to tell Mr. Favor

that we lost the herd.

[SIGHS]

I just got a wire
from San Antonio.

- You were right about one thing.
- Heh.

The herd did have a
trail boss named Favor.

- That's what we told you.
- Yeah, let us out of here, huh?

You got it all cleared
up now, sheriff?

Not quite, but it will be.

It's up to the judge
to decide who's lying.

Personally, I got my own
opinion which I'll tell him at the trial.

- Meantime, you're out on bail.
- Hallelujah.

Not you, him.

The rest of you just settle
back and enjoy our hospitality

If I were you, I'd spend my
time hunting down a good lawyer.

You're gonna need one.

Trial is set for 3:00
day after tomorrow.

Gun belts are on the rack.

WISHBONE: Rowdy.

I know. I know. Be patient.

Patient.

Well, well.

That's right, cowboy,
we've already met.

Wasn't 3,000 head
of beeves enough,

or do you wanna
pick my pockets too?

All right, where is your friend?

If I knew that, I
wouldn't be here.

The Great Escapo
packed up his magic wand

and left me holding
the same empty bag.

Yeah, well, let's go tell
the sheriff all about it.

Get your hands off me.

You think I'm gonna walk in there
and admit I helped steal those papers?

[SCOFFS]

Oh, no.

I'm just an innocent bystander,
and you can't prove no different.

Yeah, well, I'm sure
gonna enjoy trying.

Cowboy, I'm here to make a deal.

You want your cows
back, and I want my money.

The only way we're gonna
get both is to find Gilroy.

You need him to
testify at the trial

and I need him for a one-way
ticket to San Francisco.

What happens when we find
him? You stick a blade in my back?

Don't tempt me.

I spent a hundred dollars'
hard-earned money on your bail

and 50 more on
that horse over there.

Now, I'm gonna get
something for my investment

one way or the other.

Uh...

Well, you got any idea
where we start looking?

Where do you look for a rat?

All I know is he hightailed
it west early this morning

with $20,000
jingling in his pocket.

We're wasting time, cowboy.

He's half-way across the territory
by now and I can't catch him alone.

You better be telling me
all the facts now, you know?

Well, you got a hundred
dollars' worth of free time

to find out for sure before
that judge gets back, hmm?

Come on.

Well, if it's him, it looks
like he's veered north.

It's him.

You ever see a snake
travel in a straight line?

Let's go.

MAN: Hold it!

Take it easy, sweetheart.

There's no need to
be getting so upset.

Look, this is only medicine
to make you feel better.

[BANGING ON WALLS]

Now, open up your
mouth like a good girl.

[MAN GRUNTS]

[PANTS]

All right, now, Lucy,
I tried to be patient.

Hey.

[CHUCKLES]

What do you want?

We were looking for someone.

Thought maybe you
might've seen him.

Well, the only feller I seen lately
sold me three cases of this stuff.

Said it was good
for ailing mules.

His name didn't happen to be
Dr. Benjamin Barstow, did it?

Oh, it's right
here on the label.

"Dr. Benjamin Barstow's
Benevolent Snake Oil Tonic,

world's finest preparation
for hives, herpes, palpitations,

liver condition,
dizziness and livestock."

Yeah, he came by about noon.
He slick-talked me out of $20.

Gilroy never could
pass up a quick buck,

even with both his pockets full.

Yeah, well, thanks.

Hey, if you're looking to buy
any of this tonic, don't bother.

He sold me all he had.

Barstow? Gilroy? Nope.

The only man I seen today
was a government man.

Did you say "government man"?

Yeah, I think he said
his name was Mr. Midas.

He was driving some kind
of a rolling claims office.

You should have seen
the handful of nuggets

he took out right here
where I'm digging.

We sure was lucky he came by.

He sold us the whole side of
the hill before the word got out.

- Yeah, well, thanks.
- You bet.

Next time you lay a pick in my
claim, Luke Boley, I won't miss!

[GUNSHOT]

[GUNFIRE]

[CHUCKLING]

What's so funny?

Oh, just you, cowboy.

That little old Gilroy's got you
strung up like a fresh-plucked chicken.

How's it feel being a day
late and a dollar short?

Just about makes
us even, doesn't it?

Ooh, not quite.

I've been sweet-talked all the
way from St. Louis to Wichita,

and I can still laugh about it.

Of course you've
only had a sample

of what it's been like trying
to catch a greased pig.

[SIGHS]

I've been trying for two years.

I'm sorry, lady, I'm plum
out of sympathy right now.

Nobody asked for any.

Tsk, and quit calling me a lady.

[CHUCKLES]

You can bet on
one thing for sure.

I been places and I seen things
and I got me a real education doing it.

Yeah, somehow I figured
that out all by myself.

Got anything else on your mind?

Just so you
understand something,

that skunk promised me
everything but the moon tied

with pure Texas rainbows
if I'd run off with him.

Heh, fancy clothes, money,
jewelry with real gold in it.

Well, maybe I made a mistake.

But when you're walking
barefoot behind your daddy's plow

wearing a home-stitched
muslin dress,

them words could sound
like the end of the rainbow.

Now, I got me a
reason for revenge.

Yeah, I guess you have.

I've chased a few rainbows
myself, you know, heh?

Careful, cowboy.

Don't let anybody scrape through
that wall you've got built around yourself.

You might turn out to be human.

I might at that.

Heh, talk's cheap.

Depends on who's buying.

You know, I got a
trail boss who's gonna

be in the market as all when he
finds out what happened to his herd.

[SIGHS]

- Come on. Let's go.
- Go?

That's right.

Look, we just got here.

In case, you've forgotten,
we've been riding all day.

That's right and we're
gonna ride all night too.

You know, for a minute there,

I thought my first impression
of you might've been wrong.

Crystal, the only impression I
can afford to be even worried about

is the one your friend Gilroy
put on our ownership papers.

- I'll help you with your saddle.
- No, thanks, heh.

If there's one thing I
learned being a farm girl,

it was how to
saddle my own horse.

That way, I got no one
to blame when I fall off.

[PEOPLE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

Now, we ain't gonna stand
on any formality here, heh.

Here's the new jail put
up for you taxpayers.

Hey, mister, what's
going on around here?

Why, we just got ourselves a
sheriff and they're swearing him in.

Big day for this town.
First sheriff we ever had.

He looks familiar.

Oh, I reckon he ought to.
That's Black Dan Gilroy.

GILROY: Community, I
intend to uphold the law and...

Black Dan Gilroy?

Why, he's the most famous
lawman this side of the Pecos.

Do you know that this town had
to vote a year's salary in advance

just to get him?

No kidding.

GILROY: I recall some of
the more colorful incidents...

Reckon we're gonna have a lot of
peace and quiet here from now on.

Yeah, you can bet on that.

Crystal, I think we ought to enter
this town through that alley over there.

GILROY: They pushed
that log into the river.

We had at it a cold
steamer. It was terrible.

Well, that ruined the best
pair of trousers I ever had.

[PEOPLE LAUGHING]

Sheriff Gilroy, in keeping
with the town's agreement,

it affords me great
pleasure here and now

to present you with a whole
year's salary in advance.

Twelve hundred dollars.

[ALL CHATTERING]

Now, if you're afraid to carry that
kind of money around with you,

we'd be only too happy to
put it in the bank for you, heh.

[CROWD LAUGHING AND CHATTERING]

Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

On behalf of law
and order in Dry Lick,

I humbly accept this
vote of confidence.

Thank you, citizens. Thank you.

[PEOPLE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

GILROY: Thank you very much,
citizens. Thank you, all. Ha-ha.

Afternoon, sheriff.

Oh, uh, good afternoon.

Mr. Yates, there's
been some mistake.

I can explain everything.

I've never seen you
when you couldn't, sweetie.

Crystal, my dear, I was just on
my way back to town to get you.

There was an awful
misunderstanding at the bank,

and I had to make
rather a hasty departure.

Heh, like a bug on
a pin, huh, cowboy?

Yeah, well, the
show's over, Gilroy.

We got a trial we got to get to.

Now, look here, um,
I'm sheriff of this town.

You can't arrest the sheriff.
They'd give you 20 years.

Would that be before
or after your funeral?

I see what you mean.

Well, I'll just make
my little, uh, goodbyes.

[COCKS GUN]

Now, Gilroy.

Now.

MAYOR: Heh, now,
take it easy, folks.

We don't wanna scratch it
now. Take your time, heh.

Oh, come in,
Mr. Mayor. Uh, come in.

Got a little surprise
for you, sheriff.

Me and the boys got you
a new desk for your office.

Took it right out of the crate.

Well, that's
exactly what I need.

You just bring it right on in.

As a matter of fact,
everybody come on in.

We're having open house.

[ALL CHATTERING]

Well, don't just stand there.
That's where we're gonna put it.

- That's it. Move it into
here. MAN 1: Right there.

MAYOR: Oh, this is a
good one. There we go.

- That's perfect.
- Unquestionably.

MAN 2: Yeah.
- I'm sorry to yell at you folks, heh.

Tell me, you
friends of the sheriff?

Yeah, we've met.

As a matter of
fact, um, Mr. Mayor,

folks, uh, this gives me the
opportunity to demonstrate

the kind of law and order you're
going to have here in Dry Lick.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Well, good, good, heh.

Now, I'm gonna give you till
sundown to get out of town or else.

Or else what, sheriff?

Troublemakers,
you know the type.

Well, you heard the sheriff.

- Yeah, get going.
- Go on!

MAN 3: Get out of
here. MAN 4: Come on.

[ALL CHATTERING]

"Like a bug on a
pin." I know, I said it.

Well, what now?

It'd take the Army of Virginia
to get him out of there.

[MEN HOOTING AND
HOOFBEATS APPROACHING]

Crystal, you know, I think we
might just have found our army.

Howdy, ma'am.

You looking for
someone in particular?

- Heh.
- Take off your hats, boys.

Can't you see she's a lady?

Now, ain't you
boys the politest.

Land sakes, if it ain't a pleasure
to see real gentlemen in this town.

Makes a lady feel
real warm all over.

Well, now, that's
real interesting, heh.

Why don't you come in and have a
nice little ladylike drink with us, huh?

Oh, I'd much admire that
boys, truly I would, but I can't.

He'd put me in
his nasty old jail.

- He don't allow no ladies at the bar.
- Who's he?

That new sheriff in
town. Black Dan Gilroy.

Why, surely you've heard of him.

Most narrow-minded
lawman this side of the Pecos.

Ma'am, if we ain't heard about
him, he sure will hear about us.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

Tsk, too bad.

Sure would like to join you
boys in a little fun too, heh.

Of course, if, uh,
somebody was brave enough

to put that old
sheriff in his place...

You feel brave enough?

Oh, I'm a real hero.

I ain't took on a real tough
gun slick since last week.

[CHUCKLES]

You just wait right
here, little lady.

Don't let that sheriff bother
you none. We'll be right back.

Jail house is right
down the street.

Thank you, ma'am.

[GUNSHOTS]

That's Jed Coley and his gang.

I knew they'd get liquored
up and start trouble.

They're coming this way.

[GUNSHOTS]

Sheriff, you're gonna
have to do something.

Did somebody say
they're coming this way?

That's right, sheriff. It looks like
they're gunning for somebody too.

I think I'll go out the back
way and surprise them.

Sheriff, you walk right out
there and show them what for.

That'll be a good
lesson for anybody else

who tries to take over this
town. Now, you come right along.

- Come on.
- We'll be riding behind you.

JED: Hey, sheriff!

We got a complaint
about the law in this town.

You hear me?

- Your hand.
- Now, you go right out there, sheriff.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, wouldn't you
gentlemen like to come on in

and, uh, discuss
this like gentlemen?

I'm sure we can reach a
reasonable understanding.

We ain't looking for
an understanding.

We hear you're a real
big man with a gun.

Well, you know how
rumors get started.

Let's not be hasty.

The only thing he seems to
be big at is talking, eh, boys?

[ALL LAUGHING]

What are you
laughing at, lawman?

Laughing? Who's
laughing? I wasn't laughing.

No, sir, I believe in
reasonable, honest conversation

to settle misunderstandings.

Well, we believe in a little toe
dancing with our conversation.

So let's see you do some.

[MEN LAUGHING]

I've just remembered I
didn't finish writing my will.

We'll be your witnesses.

[GUNS FIRING]

Careful there, gentlemen.
Those guns are loaded.

[GUNS CONTINUE FIRING]

You men ought to be
ashamed of yourselves

taking advantage
of a man like that.

Us taking advantage
of Black Dan Gilroy?

Why, we hear tell he eats
grizzlies before breakfast.

Yeah, well, that was
before the accident.

Accident?

Yeah, some gunpowder
went off in his face.

- He's been blind ever since.
- Blind?

You talking about him?

Yeah. Now, Dan, he isn't the type of a
man who would admit a thing like that.

He wouldn't back
off from a fight

even if he can't see more than
two feet past his belt buckle.

In fact, there's some people say

Black Dan don't need to
see trouble, he can smell it.

Ain't that right, Black Dan?

Well, that's right, sir,
uh, wherever you are.

Right here.

Uh, see? He's too proud to
admit he can't handle this job.

You sure about that, mister?

He didn't look blind to me.

Yeah, well, it happened at the
Pecos River massacre three years ago.

Black Dan was
holding off 50 Indians

with a bowie knife
and a keg of powder.

Yeah? What happened?

Oh, well, it was a bad fuse, and,
uh, powder blew up in his face.

Killed all 50 Indians though.

Unh, uh, excuse me, ma'am.

Uh, I was just on my way to take,
uh, Dan over to Confidence Creek.

There's a doctor over there
who wants to look at him.

That's if you gents
are all through here.

Oh, I'm...

I'm sorry, Black Dan.

You should've said
something about it.

You, uh, ready to go, Black Dan,

or do you wanna see this
thing through to the end?

No.

I mean, isn't there a
local doctor we could see?

Not like that one over in
Confidence Creek, remember?

Yes. Um, lead on,
sir. I'm right with you.

Black Dan Gilroy.

Come on, Danny boy.

And so, Your Honor, after concluding
a legitimate business transaction

with the real Mr. Favor, I
found myself the innocent victim

of this dangerous
band of cattle rustlers.

Cattle rustlers? Why, you
bent-nosed, hat-faced...

Just one more squawk out of you

and I'm holding the whole
bunch of you in contempt.

Now, shut up and sit down.

- Well, get on with it.
- Well, Your Honor.

I'd like to offer these
documents as proof of sale.

They're all signed and legal.

- Power of attorney, Texas...
- I can read them.

Power of attorney, I see that.

Texas registration
and identification.

Yeah, they seem
legal, all right.

- Sheriff? SHERIFF: Yes, sir.

Let the jury take
a squint at these.

Has the plaintiff anything
more he wants to say?

I believe that's
sufficient, Your Honor.

As a responsible businessman

and respected citizen
of this fair community,

I'd like to remind the court...

Stop lathering up for a speech!

I still got two hangings
to settle this afternoon.

Uh, yes, sir. I believe
that's all. Uh, thank you, sir.

Now, which one of
you says he's Favor?

SHERIFF: Well,
he ain't here, judge.

And his ramrod has skipped bail.

Oh, he has, has he?

[SCOFFS]

You hear that, boys?

ALL: We sure did.

Well, there's no need
wasting any more time.

We've heard all
the evidence and...

Unless you got
something more to say.

Yeah, I got
something more to say.

Well, all right. Just you
watch your language.

Well, I don't know where Rowdy
is but just cause he isn't here

don't mean he
skipped out on anything.

We brought that herd all
the way from San Antonio

and Rowdy's been our ramrod

and Mr. Favor's been our
trail boss every inch of the way.

And you can just ask
any one of these fellows.

Your Honor, uh, perhaps we
could bring in a couple of the cows

and ask them.

[CROWD LAUGHING]

Order! I said, order!

Now, this here is a court
of law, not a barn social.

Is that all you got to say?

What I got to say isn't
fit for a court of law.

Well, you town folks think that you
got some kind of a special privilege

to step on us drovers.

We've been swindled
and short-changed

and fast-talked in every
town from here to San Antonio.

Well, I don't know very
much about the law,

but I do know
that that's our herd

and we got a thousand
miles of saddle blisters

and sore backs to prove it.

[CROWD LAUGHING]

Elwood Gilroy.

Well, I should've known.

This may be, um, rather
difficult to explain, Your Honor.

Try and make it simple, Gilroy.

Well, sir, it all started
several days ago

when I, uh, accidentally
became ensnared in a bear trap.

You see, my horse had, uh,
broken his leg in a gopher hole.

I was, uh, traveling as usual
with my lovely companion,

Miss Crystal Simpson,

known internationally
for her belly dance,

as you may remember, Your Honor.

Well, cowboy.

Tell them hello for me
when you get to Denver.

Uh, Crystal, I might be able to
do just a little better than that.

You see, I got this friend of mine
who, uh, owns a restaurant in Denver.

He's been looking for a
girl to work with him there.

Maybe even take over the place.

It wouldn't pay too much,
but it would be getting started.

You get to Denver often?

Yeah, often enough.

Must be a nice place.

Maybe almost as
nice as San Francisco.

Depends on what
you're looking for.

[CHUCKLES]

No, thanks.

I never was much good at keeping
track of other people's money.

Pa always used to say I had
quick fingers and a slow conscience.

I guess I'll just
stick around here.

Uh, there's a saloon
down the street.

I reckon I can still
dance to please most.

That, uh, revenge
I was talking about,

it don't feel as good
as I thought it would.

Heh, besides, somebody's got to
see that he gets his meals on time, huh?

Yeah, I guess, heh.

Rowdy?

Wishbone?

Quince?

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

[COUGHING]

[HOOFBEATS APPROACHING]

Oh. Howdy, Mr. Favor.

You gentlemen
been out for a ride?

Oh, well, we had to
go for some supplies.

Where at? In St. Louis?

[HOOFBEATS APPROACHING]

[ROWDY PANTING]

- Hello, sir.
- Hi.

Get the beeves
delivered all right?

Oh, yeah, all delivered.

Great, I...

You've been here long?

Just got back.

Me and the herd
was just sitting around

sort of hoping we might
have some company.

Well, I've been
out scouting trail.

Looks really good.

That's nice.

You think maybe it's good
enough to show to the herd?

Yeah, heh. Uh, ahem.

You heard him,
men. Move them out.

Well...

Anything special happen while
I was gone, by any chance?

Happen?

No. Nothing happened
with me. Pretty clear.

Anything happening
with you, Wish?

No, uh, everything has
been quiet as prayer time.

Well, I guess I better
hitch them up, ahem.

FAVOR: Wish?

Wash out that coffee
pot before it rusts.

That stuff tastes like you
made it three days ago.

[GRUNTS]

Head them up!

Move them out!

[MEN YELLING INDISTINCTLY]