Ratched (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - The Bucket List - full transcript

Your Honor, my husband has chosen
his career over his obligations

as a spouse and as a father.

He's so absent that I had to bring
my mother from the Philippines.

I'm doing the best that I can.

Mr. Bañaga, I see you have neglected
to hire counsel?

That's right, Your Honor. I...

I was unable to.

If it pleases the court,

while I understand that my wife feels
that I have been neglectful

as a husband and a father,

I would like to give these proceedings
some context



which will, I hope, convince my wife
to drop this divorce petition,

for the sake of our daughter, Marisol.

For the past year and a half,

I have volunteered my services
to citizens of Japanese descent

who were sent to various internment camps
across the country

under Executive Order 9066.

Many in these camps are separated
from their families, sent to other camps.

And these people, American citizens,

display profound psychological distress.

So do the children
they are forced to leave behind.

I find it somewhat ironic, Doctor,

that you're so concerned about Jap parents
being separated from their kids,

but not at all concerned about
you being separated from your own.

I'm finding for the plaintiff.



Mrs. Bañaga, divorce is granted,

along with full custody of your daughter.

Wait!

Please! That's my daughter!

Daddy!

Let me say goodbye to her, please!
Marisol!

I'm so sorry.

I will provide for you, you understand?
I promise.

It's over!

- I love you!
- Daddy!

Do come in, Dr. Bañaga.

- For you.
- Thank you.

Come in.

First of all, I'd like to thank you
for allowing me to meet your son.

I... He's a charming boy.

Thank you.

Really very intelligent,

and he seemed to be in quite a good mood.

He burned the cook today.
Did he tell you that?

He heated up a spoon over the stove
till it was white-hot

and put it back in the drawer.

Consuelo has third-degree burns
on her hands.

That's why he's in such a good mood.

It's a clown.

It's a clown, he's bleeding.

Your son is ill,
Mrs. Osgood. That much is plain.

Two penises...

severed.

The isolation,
the extreme fits of violence.

And the pleasure
he appears to derive from it.

And you?

Can you treat him?

Please sit down.

I take my oath as a physician
very seriously.

I've sacrificed everything for it.

So I will not deceive you, Mrs. Osgood.

No matter what financial incentive
there may be for me to do so.

A new day is dawning
on the science of the human mind.

All over the world,
astounding new techniques are emerging

that repudiate everything
we thought we knew.

The behavior your son exhibits...

The violence.

The delight in harming others, these...

These are not his illness.

They are but symptoms.

His illness, whatever it may be...

remains cloistered deep in his psyche.

And my job would be to find it...

diagnose it...

and treat it.

So to answer your question...

I will not treat your son.

I will cure him.

Mildred.

Nurse Ratched.

Mildred's just fine, Huck.

I wanted to see how you were doing...

after what happened at the dance
and everything,

we... we haven't been able to catch up.

Thank you.

I'm doing all right.

You?

No, I'm fine.

Thanks. No complaints.

Good.

Actually, there is one thing,
not a complaint, really, just...

Well, when...

something happens like that...

Violence...

And it could have just as easily been you
who got shot instead of Miss Briggs.

It kind of puts things into perspective,
doesn't it?

And so I got to thinking,
you know... uh...

there is something I don't really have
in my life and...

that's a...

That's a sweetheart.

So, I guess what I'm...

wondering is if, uh...

I could take you out sometime.

Only if that sounds like something
you thought might be nice.

Huck.

I get it. I'm sorry.

No. Huck, please, stop.

It isn't that I don't find you appealing.

You are a wonderful man, Huck.

You're a real-life hero.

But...

I'm coming to understand that...

I might be the kind of person...

The kind of woman...

who enjoys the company...

of other women.

If you take my meaning.

Oh.

I would appreciate it
if you didn't tell anyone.

Of course.

I wouldn't breathe a word of it.

You will find love, Huck.

Some girl who's gonna love you
in the way that you deserve.

It's...

it ain't love so much.

I don't know if that's what I'm missing,
I mean, I'm...

I don't know that I have purpose.

Huck.

Huck.

Don't you worry, Mildred.

Your secret's safe with me.

Well, I gotta say, Louise,

I have underestimated you.

Here I thought you were some blowsy,
alcoholic jazz baby,

and it turns out
you're a prize-winning truffle pig.

Don't I know it.

You should have seen me,
scurrying into her room

after she left for the dance,
just like you said.

I was rooting through her things
like a junkie sniffing around for smack.

Ohh, it was well worth it.

By the way, that pimento loaf you gave me
was so divine.

I gotta have the recipe.

Sure. Sure.

Now that I don't understand.

It's just a lot of telephone numbers,
or notes.

And somewhere
there's a hand-drawn map,

and it looks like
a man's handwriting to me.

I'm no detective, mind you,
but I'm thinking maybe...

I missed my calling.

Now those really threw me for a loop.

Why is this skirt so obsessed
with a mass murderer?

Is she some kind of pervert,

or something?

But then,

I looked under the bed.

What is that?

A recorder!

- You talk and it records you...
- I know what a recorder is.

Just help me with it.

Give it to me.

Our friend Nurse Ratched
knows how to turn it on.

Not so proficient
at knowing how to turn it off.

She recorded a very...

informative exchange
with a certain gentleman.

Oh, no. I have no interest in listening
to Mildred Ratched fornicate.

No, it's not that kind of exchange.

The gentleman in question is a priest.

Don't panic.
This isn't what it looks like.

Oh, well, this is what it looks like.

Close the door and sit, please.

I think I can help you,

but we're going to need to start
being honest with each other.

I listened to the tape.

You see, Father...

Edmund Tolleson is my brother.

He wasn't born a monster.

Somebody turned him into one.

God bless you, Father.

I know what a lobotomy sounds like,
Mildred.

The hammer on the ice pick.

The... The wet cracking sound as it pierces
the skull and enters the frontal lobe.

That's why you came to the hospital,
I presume. Hm?

To save your brother.

Which, you know,
is understandable, I guess.

Though, performing a lobotomy
on a man whose only crime was

surviving an encounter
with Edmund Tolleson?

That's a little harder
to wrap one's head around.

I'm not the only person
who knows, Mildred.

So if something were to happen to me,
if I went missing...

well, then that other party would take
this information to the police.

Which I have not done.

As of yet.

I'm so tired...

of all the running

and all the lying.

The things I've done.

I know the difference
between right and wrong,

and still I've done things
that even I cannot believe.

He's my brother.

We were treated like animals.

Worse than animals,
and he saved me from it.

He saved my life.

So I made a promise to myself

that I would do whatever it took
to repay him for that kindness.

To free him...

From a fate I knew he didn't deserve,
no matter what he'd done.

Now I don't know what I think he deserves.

Well...

he shouldn't be put to death.

And that's what's coming to him, for sure.

But someone like Edmund should be studied.

Killing him doesn't serve anybody.

You've been lying a long time, Mildred.

Listening to that recording
brought to mind

all the suspicions I had about you
when you first arrived.

I phoned the office of Army records.

I was wrong.

You were in the service,
as your résumé stated.

You were a nurse.

But the records didn't mention
the manner in which you were discharged,

and I wonder if you might want to tell me
what happened.

No.

I wasn't a nurse.

I had no training,
so I lied and said I did.

I wanted to be a nurse.

I wanted to help people.

And I felt a calling,

a genuine calling that I knew
was deep and abiding and true.

I was an orphan.

Poor, without an education.

So I just did it.

I lied.

Is there anything I can do to help you?

Yes.

All I was guilty of

was showing these men mercy
when no one else would.

But then it got me into trouble.

Nurse Ratched,

quite a number of soldiers under your care
appear to have died of asphyxiation

without any wounds
to their throat or lungs.

Sir, I stand behind
the treatment I've provided

for every serviceman
who's come under my care.

I have a sterling reputation.

Just ask my superiors...

Your superiors are why
I am talking to you.

They recommended a court-martial.

One look in your eye and I can see
plain as day you're as guilty as hell.

But they won't be able to prove it.
So, there ain't gonna be a court-martial.

Get the fuck off this island
and out of my Army.

Move!

Well, I couldn't stand it.

I served, just as they had.

I deem this reply a full acceptance

of the Potsdam Declaration,

which specifies
the unconditional surrender of Japan.

In the reply, there is no...

The war's over! It's over!

To an anxious world, setting off
celebrations throughout the country.

Washington is jubilant, and in the...

So I decided I would lie again.

And it worked.

Dr. Hanover never called the State Board.

He just hired me.

Thank you for your honesty.

I've heard the screams

of very ill people wanting to die.

I've had patients beg me to kill them.

But I never would.

That's the difference between us.

I'm strong, and you're weak.

Yes.

You're probably right.

Mm.

You've done... terrible things, Mildred.

That said, I mean...

we've all done stupid things
in the service of stupid men.

Me with Dr. Hanover,
you with your brother.

So, I can't say I don't feel sympathy
for you, Mildred.

I... I really truly do.

And don't think for a second
that I have forgotten your kindness to me

the night of the dance.

It was a foreign feeling,

your kindness.

I have a plan for us.

For you, for me.

And for the hospital.

But I'm gonna need you to vouch for me.

The hospital is as dear to me
as it was to our mother.

While I realize we don't provide
all its funding,

I do believe we are responsible
for the greater part of it, and...

I would hope that could continue.

As girls,
my sister and I wanted to live there.

My sister, Francine, she began
to display some disturbing traits

when she came upon
the cusp of womanhood.

Calm down, Francine, please!

She began to hear voices.

Darling!

At first, they were angels, but...

Soon they were the voices of...
Of demons.

They put her in a cage.

They said it would eventually cure her,
and it didn't.

Francine was kept in that room
every day for the rest of her life.

- I'm sorry!
- No!

A life that was short, mercifully.

One day, she broke free
and jumped out the window,

breaking her neck.

She was finally free.

My apologies.

You certainly didn't come here
to hear... my life story.

What is it that brings you ladies here?

Well, it's, um...

Uh... I suppose it's rather sensitive.

It's about Dr. Hanover.

Y... Yes?

He's fallen out of favor
with the governor,

who is now poised
to pull all state funding,

which accounts for a large portion
of our operations.

So your foundation would need
to provide all the funding

in order to keep the hospital running.

We have a whole list of grievances.

You see, Dr. Hanover, he...

he's a dope fiend.

He's a drug abuser.

A drug abuser. That's... That's it.

Is that all?

Uh... Well, no. But shouldn't it be?

If I may?

Nurse Bucket is being
entirely too cautious.

We have reason to suspect that
Dr. Hanover's credentials are forgeries.

That in fact,

his real name is Dr. Manuel Bañaga,

and he is guilty of serious crimes

that will pose a grave criminal liability
for your foundation.

But that's not on the list.

This is what you suspect?

I know it for a fact.

As of this moment, however,
the general public does not.

Dr. Bañaga was hired by a wealthy heiress
named Lenore Osgood

to treat her mentally ill son,
and during the course of these treatments,

Dr. Bañaga cut off the boy's arms and

sewed on the severed limbs

of one of Mrs. Osgood's employees
who had just been murdered.

The procedure caused
the boy's system to be septic.

He lost both arms, of course,

but also his legs...

which had to be amputated
in order to keep him alive.

That should be on the list.

He should be removed immediately.

Though it does beg the question,
who will run the hospital?

That is, until we can find a replacement.

In my professional opinion, there is
no better candidate for interim head

- than Nurse Betsy Bucket here.
- Oh.

And believe me when I tell you,
she practically runs the place as it is.

Well...

I guess I owe you one.

Do you mean that?

Yes. Why?

Then make Huck head nurse.

What?

He isn't even remotely qualified.

Neither am I, remember?

He's hard-working, he's trustworthy.

He'll devote his life to the hospital
if you just give him the opportunity.

Oh, Betsy.

Come on, it's the right thing to do.

- What are you up to?
- I'm not up to anything.

Nurse Bucket, I'd like to be alone,
if you wouldn't mind.

What's this?

Dr. Hanover...

you've been dismissed.

I have been named

interim head of this hospital
until a replacement can be found.

You are free to collect your belongings,

but you are asked
to please vacate the premises.

The police, uh...

have been made aware of your identity.

- Wait.
- And...

My identity, yes. I...

Have been struggling
with substance abuse, but...

Doctor.

I know why you changed your name.

I know what you did to that young man
that you were treating.

Now, I don't believe
you could be at fault, I truly don't.

But now the police know about it as well,

so you're going to have to explain to them
what really happened.

They're on their way.

Doctor.

I did love you.

I loved your purpose and your calling.

I loved your need to help people.

Just to be able to be near you,
to watch you,

it made me feel so honored.

I believe in you.

I will always believe in you.

Then why would you do this to me?

Look at Charlotte, at...

I'm on the precipice
of helping so many people!

That's why I'm letting you go.

I've treated you poorly, Betsy.

You didn't deserve that.

Dr. Hanover, I'm told you're not supposed
to be handling patients.

No. We are leaving.

You're not in charge anymore.

This patient admitted herself
to this hospital,

and she's free to leave
whenever she chooses.

Do you believe Dr. Hanover's treatments
have helped you?

I believe he's the only person
who can help me.

As head nurse,
I'm allowing both of them to go.

I should have never
let you into this hospital.

I know the kind of price
that's on your head, Doctor.

And I'm letting you
walk right out the door.

So I'd say, letting me into this hospital
was the best decision you ever made.

Thanks.

Hello?

- Mrs. Osgood?
- Yes.

Mildred Ratched.

I'm afraid I have some bad news.

Dr. Hanover is now out of my reach.

I'm sorry, but I simply
won't be able to help you.

I told you I wanted his head on a platter.

Yes. I appreciate that you're angry.

I just need you to understand

that any arrangement we once had
is now null and void.

And if you ever attempt to harm me
or even contact me again,

I will notify the FBI about your attempts
on Dr. Hanover's life.

Do you understand me, Mrs. Osgood?

How dare you betray me,
you double-crossing little...

Hello.

We would like two rooms, please.

That'll be nine dollars.

Name?

Davis. Randall Davis.

Rooms nine and ten.

Thank you.

I feel a bit woozy.

My head is spinning a little.

You're okay.

The mild sedation I gave you
is starting to wear off.

I just want you to get something
in your stomach,

and then get you off to bed.

And what can I do for you?

Coffee for me, and water...
a soft-boiled egg, perhaps.

With toast.

Yeah.

Thank you.

You know, folks like you,
you gotta pay in advance.

You don't gotta be uppity about it.

Doctor.

If you don't mind my asking...

what is your plan?

My plan is to make you whole.

I'd like to try and get us
across the border to... to Canada.

Once we get to the crossing...

you will drive,
and I will hide in the trunk.

I have a... a colleague
at a hospital in Vancouver.

He might be willing to admit you,

and then I can continue our treatments
in secret.

Once you're cured, and I do believe
you will be cured, Charlotte,

then perhaps I can...

I can come out of hiding.

Whoa.

What's happening? Where am I?

Charlotte. It's me. Dr. Hanover.

- Oh.
- -I'm just going to get you to bed, okay?

Sit.

Okay.

You're okay.

- Okay, lay down. Go lay down.
- Mm.

This was my fault.

I should have let you...
Let you rest as soon as we got here.

But...

you're okay now.

You're okay.

Just sleep.

I'll be right next door.

Police! Anybody in there?

Just a minute. Fuck.

Charlotte. Get up, get up.
It's the police.

- Get in the closet.
- No, no, no...

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay...

- It's okay, it's okay.
- No.

No, no, no, please.

No, no, please.

So sorry, officer, can I help you?

Yeah, you're not the one
who double-parked out front, are you?

The Cadillac DeVille?

No, I... unfortunately,
I can't... I can't afford a Cadillac.

All right. Well,
sorry to bother you. Good night, now.

I'm so sorry, Charlotte.
It was a false alarm.

You're shit.

You're no doctor.

You're garbage.

Ondine?

It's me, Dr. Hanover.

Would you please tell Charlotte
she's safe?

How dare you shut me in a closet.

I played first chair violin
for the Boston Pops.

And who... are you?

You're nothing!

You're noooo...!

Ooh.

Charlotte?

Hitler!

You're Adolf Hitler!

I knew you'd try and find me someday,

but I found you instead,
you Nazi son of a bitch!

Charlotte, it's me, your doctor.
Dr. Hanover...

You changed your little mustache.

Well, you ain't fooling nobody...

Adolf!

You remember me? Huh?!

Apollo?

I'm the motherfucker that won
all them gold medals at your Olympics.

And that same motherfucker
gets to kill you!

Nurse Ratched?

There's a woman on the phone for you.

Thank you.

This is Nurse Ratched.

Where are you?

Lock the door and stay where you are.

I'm on my way.

I can't remember what happened.

I swear, I can't remember.

Um...

There...
There was someone at the door, so...

he threw me in the closet, and then
I can't remember what happened.

Suddenly, I was...
I was... I was...

I was sitting on the bathroom floor,

and I was covered in blood.
And I came out and I found him...

I found him just... just lying there.

- Did I do this? Did I? Did I?
- Charlotte, listen to me.

- I didn't mean it.
- Sit down.

- I didn't mean to, but I must have!
- Please sit down, deep breaths. Sit.

- Oh, my God!
- Listen to me.

Oh, my God!

I know that this wasn't your fault.

You cared very much for Dr. Hanover

and would never willingly
do anything to harm him.

But unfortunately, the police
are not going to understand that.

And I'm afraid you don't have much time.

Let's get you cleaned up.

I brought your clothes.

Bus 387, San Diego, boarding now.

Thank you very much.

Put large luggage
in the stowaway cabins.

That bus leaves for San Diego
in five minutes.

Cross the border into Mexico, on foot.

Make your way to Ensenada.

There's a psychiatric hospital there
called San Luis.

You will be safe there for now.

It's all right.

There's $50 in that suitcase.

If you telephone me in a few weeks,

I might be able to send you a lot more.

Thank you, Mildred.

I don't feel I'm deserving
of such kindness.

What...

What is it?

What about Dr. Hanover?

I'll take care of that.

Hi, there.

Well, I did not expect to see you.

Oh...

And now to payment.

Pleasure doing business with ya.

I've waited so long for this moment.

Mother.

This doesn't fix anything, Mother.

I know that.

But now...

we can finally rest
knowing that that man has paid

for the terrible thing he did to you.

What about what you did to me?

You're the one who hired him.

You're the one who's kept me
cooped up in here, hiding me

- because you're so, so ashamed.
- No...

Yes, Mommy.

- No.
- Yes.

You love your monkey
more than you love me.

- Oh, no.
- Yes, you do, Mommy.

I don't. I love you.

My darling boy.

I love you.

I hate you, Mother.

And now you're going to pay
for all the things you've done to me.

Yes, I'm looking for Mildred Ratched.

Can you tell me which room?

I heard your car pull up.

Hello, Anna.

It's been a long time, Milly.

Who is this, a distant relation?

Up yours, Louise.

If you'll follow me, please.

I still blame myself
for what happened to you and Edmund.

I was the one that found them for you.

No.

You were our guardian angel.

Angels don't make mistakes like that.

That couple, I thought they'd be
the perfect foster parents.

When I found out
what they did to you and Edmund,

I... I wanted to gouge out
their eyes myself.

"Their murder was ruled
a justifiable homicide"?

I didn't know that.

It was the state that put you
into that house, after all.

Afterwards, Edmund was sent
to a home for delinquent boys.

- I went there.
- What?

When?

It's where I saw him.

When? When did you see him?

When I got out of the foster system,

I contacted every juvenile facility
in the state,

and no one would tell me
if they had my Edmund.

So I started visiting them, one by one.

And it took two years,
but I finally found him.

Edmund!

Hi.

Mildred.

I've been looking everywhere for you.

Well, you found me.

And just in time, too.

I'm getting out of here in a week.

Really?

Yeah, next Wednesday.

8:00 a.m.

Oh, Edmund.

I will be here.

I'll take you with me.

We will stay together.

I promise.

Yeah, I'd like that.

Play time's over!

Next Wednesday, 8:00 a.m.

Don't forget.

When I went back the next week...

he was already gone.

He lied to me.

He had been released the day before.

On a Tuesday.

He told me Wednesday.

But I'd left him behind
all those years ago,

so it was payback, I guess.

Oh, Mildred.

No, there was nothing
you could have done for him.

He was already too broken by then.

His mother was a woman
by the name of Margaret McGuire.

Before she died of a drug overdose,

she had been a nun.

And claimed to have been raped
by a man named Joseph Sullivan...

one of the four priests
that Edmund murdered.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Mildred.

I know that you want to help him,

but don't waste your life trying to save
someone who cannot be saved.

I feel like
you might be overreacting.

You just lost your job, that's all.

So moving East?

Don't choose a long-term solution
to a short-term problem.

Governor Wilburn is not a nice man.

He's not the dirtiest there is,
but he's not the cleanest, either.

The second I get close to a job
with another elected,

he'll threaten them,
or make up lies about me.

My only chance for a job in politics is...

to go back East, far away from him.

Oh, my darling.

Ex-darling.

Gwendolyn...

I will miss you.

I'm sorry about the things that I said
when it ended.

That was...

that was not my finest hour.

- I was hurt...
- Trevor, Trevor...

No, let me say this.

I was hurt...
because I did love you so much.

I do.

But as per absolutely always,
you were right.

There is a better life out there
for the both of us.

I met...

I met a wonderful man, Gwen.

His name is Andrew,

and he is just...

everything I thought I couldn't have,

so I owe you for him.

Oh, I'm so glad.

I'm so glad.

Wherever you end up, whatever you need,
I will always be there for you.

And I will always love you.

I was hoping we could talk.

You checked out of the motel.

I tried to telephone you.

The governor's fired me, Mildred.

My career is over.

I'm going home to Connecticut
to live with my mother.

Maybe I can get a job
at the five-and-dime.

May I offer you some tea?

I would love some. Thank you.

You lied to me from the very beginning.

You used me as a way
to keep your brother alive.

I didn't lie to you.

I just... I couldn't tell you everything
right away...

Mildred! You lied!

Until the lie didn't serve you anymore.

Then you decided to tell the truth.

And I understand that
the world has not been kind to you,

and I'm sorry for that, I truly am,

but that doesn't give you the right
to dissemble at every possible opportunity

to the people around you
whose only mistake was to care about you.

I know that.

Do you?

Because I honestly don't think
that you do.

My feelings for you are real.

I don't think...

that you have any idea
what your feelings are,

because you have been lying for so long.

It's second nature to you.

You even lie to yourself.

Well, your lying

and your selfishness
have cost me... everything.

I don't know what my life is anymore.

I don't understand how I got so...
tangled up in you,

and I don't understand
whether my feelings for you are real.

And you waltzed into my heart,
and I cannot get you out.

Gwendolyn.

I love you.

Gwendolyn.

I don't even know
what I'm supposed to say to that.

And anyway, I don't believe you!

What I kept from you...

that was not easy for me to do.

I wanted to tell you everything.

And I understand how awful
that would make you feel,

how used you must have felt.

The lies I told to get into that hospital,
to get closer to Edmund...

Those were amoral acts,
and I understand that completely,

but you must understand
that I had no choice.

And if I had to,
I would do it all over again.

I wish you could leave
the pain I've caused behind us.

Let go of the resentment, the suspicion.

My feelings for you
are the truest thing in me.

I love you. Do you hear me?

I love you.

Dr. Hanover is dead.

He's...

No, no, no.

Please...

tell me... tell me you didn't...

No, no.

No, I had nothing to do with it,

but as a result,
I have come into some money.

I... I don't want to hear what I'm sure
are all the sordid particulars.

Gwendolyn, it means we can...
We can run away together, you and...

And my answer to you, Mildred, is no.

That is not what my life is going to be.

Our life.

- It is not!
- Why?

All right. Do you hear me?
That is not what my life is going to be.

- Why not? Why?
- It just isn't.

Because I had an x-ray yesterday.

Because the doctor wanted to see
how my lung was healing.

And he found a tumor the size of a walnut
inside my left breast.

What?

And I don't have long.

- We will find someone.
- We?

We'll find a doctor.

- Yes, we. You have to.
- No. You have to stop.

- Listen to me, God damn it...
- You have to stop!

There is nothing that anyone can do!

Okay.

Okay.

I'm going to find someone.

A doctor.

We have all the money in the world.

We will go to the ends of the Earth
if we have to.

I love you, do you hear me?
I will not lose you.

Oh, Mildred...

I love you.

I love you.

Next page.

There it is, there it is.

Fucking Diego.

Mm, the nerve.

Told the police that
I had him kill my mother.

Can you imagine?

Of course, they didn't believe him.

Stupid fool.

I miss my mother.

Master Henry, your lawyer is here.

This is the last will and testament
of Lenore Hortense Osgood.

"I will, devise, bequeath and give half
of all my property and estate

of every kind and character,

including but not limited
to real and personal property,

in which I may have an interest
at the date of my death,

to...

the West Indies Art Foundation

for the construction of a museum
in Bridgetown, Barbados,

of which the paintings and sculptures
I have purchased over the years

will constitute a permanent collection.

The other half...

will go to my monkey, Petunia,
and her continued care."

What?!

Wha...?!

"My son, Henry, will be transferred
to the care of a psychiatric institution,

where he will spend the rest of his life.

I hereby revoke any and all prior wills
and codicils I have made. Signed,

L.H. Osgood."

I realize this news comes
as a shock to most of you.

But I assure you, this transition
in leadership

has been and will remain seamless,

with fewer bizarre...

...and seemingly...

...avoidable incidents.

I have been named
interim head of Lucia State Hospital

until Dr. Hanover's replacement
can be found.

The selection and interview process
for qualified candidates...

It could take a while.

But Nurse Ratched has agreed to stay on.

And I am promoting Huck Finnegan
to the position of head nurse,

so that we will be able to continue
caring for our existing patients,

as well as seeking out new ones.

And it is my mission that
every bed in this facility will be filled

as soon as is practical.

But make no mistake,

it is a new day at this hospital,

and I am overjoyed and humbled
to have been given the opportunity

to provide you all with an example
of leadership, grace,

and world-class caregiving
for the neediest among us.

Now, let's get to work.

Excuse me?

Um, what about doctors?

Do we even have any?

Honestly...

who needs them?