Rake (2010–2018): Season 3, Episode 6 - Episode #3.6 - full transcript
Fred. Ah, Cleaver.
Haven't seen you and the other guys
around Marcel's recently.
Well, we're all out of that now.
I wonder about the wisdom
of coming out on the Footy Show.
And where's Fuzz?
He and Tara are going to the Congo
to build hospitals
and schools and sing happy hymns.
How long is it since
you've actually had sex?
An eternity.
Those are genuine bad trades and I
am all over them. I'm being set up.
She was my wife first!
You are never to see her again.
You understand me?
So do you understand?
Yeah, course I understand.
It's your big special day.
Yet another one
of your big special days.
Cleaver. Three times lucky.
No, it's alright, Doc.
I wasn't expecting to be invited.
I know Roger's got issues with me.
You threw me against a wall
and tried to kiss me.
I threw you against the wall
and did kiss you.
And I believe you may have
kissed me back.
If you care about me, even a little bit,
please don't make this
any harder than it already is.
How can it be hard?
You've finally found
someone you can rely on
who's making silly money massaging young
men's groins and administering unguents.
Well, it's hard because
we're not going to be seeing
each other anymore like we have.
I need you to grasp that.
There's not going to be
any more lunches.
There's not going to be any more
impromptu therapy sessions.
No more dropping in.
Are you going to let me out on
the streets without a therapist?
Don't flatter yourself.
This town's such a basket case,
no-one will notice.
You know, if you break down
the word 'therapist',
you get 'the rapist'.
Have you thought about that
for a minute, Doc?
The rapist?
One little non-hyphenated space
is all it takes to go from
a healer to a villain.
Do you think that's what happened to
me along the way somewhere?
I acquired a non-hyphenated space
and you fell through it?
I climbed through it. Yes.
So I will do absolutely nothing
in my power.
I will leave every stone unturned
to ensure that you have
the wedding of your dreams.
Thank you.
You'll be alright, won't you? Yes.
I'll be... good. OK.
Can I still come and pick up
Fuzz with you at the airport?
Is that alright? Of course.
Good.
Yep, I've gotta run. I've got a client.
OK.
Mmm.
Mm-hm.
Mmm?
What's he saying? Mm-hm.
OK. Yep. Yep. Thanks, Magnus.
The cancer's in remission.
If it continues,
it'll be gone in two months.
It's just a real tragedy, Janice.
But let's stick with the facts.
Now, three children
under the age of ten,
wards of the State,
found in these
just disgraceful conditions.
Now, you and I go back, Janice,
politically speaking,
and I know there's no department
more impossible
and underfunded than Community Services.
But there is simply no excuse for this.
And if you are not sacked
by midnight tonight,
the Premier will be hearing from
my family,
the people of this State.
Now, we have nothing further
to talk about.
Get out of my studio! You disgust me!
Back in a moment,
and I'll be taking your calls.
Cleaver! Oh.
Kirsty. Hi. Do you mind if we join you?
G'day, Cleave.
Col, you're out. Well spotted, mate.
Fuck. What's going on?
What's this about, old debts?
No, no, no, not yet.
No, no, this is about our partnership.
What, you and Col? No, you and me.
Guess who owns 80% of this restaurant.
Jesus...
No, close. Me.
Although, I wouldn't mind
Jesus in the kitchen,
what with all those
loaves and fishes, eh, Col?
You bought the other shares?
Yeah.
Why would you buy the other shares
in this restaurant?
Tax problem. I've now got
this really good accountant.
Oh, look, I've become
a respectable member
of this community now, Cleaver,
and I've got a number
of legitimate businesses.
This just happens to be one of them.
Right, so buy me out.
I told you I would get my money
from you one way or the other.
Right.
Like I said, I've got
this really good accountant
and we rounded up what you owe me
to 300 grand.
300 grand? Mm-hm.
It's what you owed me during the trial,
plus a little tiny bit of interest.
Check it out. Yeah.
Have a look. Page three.
Alright, so my shares have
also been designated F Class.
Why? That's oppression of a minority.
No, not according to my formerly
oppressed Bosnian accountant.
Anyway, we've gotta get going.
We're having dinner somewhere
where the food is edible.
Word is that the duck here
is very fuckin' dry.
Take it easy, Cleave.
Ooh, I'll be in touch, partner.
Why has everybody
got it in for the duck?
Now, who said
good old-fashioned romance was dead?
Someone very wise, I'm sure.
I don't recall inviting you over,
Cleaver.
Well, hence the element of surprise,
you see?
I've caught you off guard.
And now your mind is reeling
with romantic possibilities.
Come on, don't... You like roses, huh?
All girls like roses.
Even girls who say,
'I don't like roses' like roses.
Are you drunk?
Drunk with romantic possibilities.
Now, are you going to let me in here?
No. I'll sing.
Don't. I will sing.
Cleaver...
♪ Stars are... ♪
No, no, no. No. Seriously. Cleaver!
No. You can come in. Just...
Enough. No.
You can come in. Shh, enough!
Ah. This is a nice...
nice little utilitarian place.
I don't need much more.
I only have one arse and two hands.
Better than the other way around.
Now, have you got a vase,
or is that a little bourgeois?
I have a vase. One vase. Very good.
Careful, I don't want
you to prick yourself.
Ooh, do I detect
a note of concern there?
No, I'm haemophobic.
I can't stand the sight of... blood.
Whoa, fuck! What?!
How's it look?
Oh, it's... Yeah, it's great.
You'd... you'd never know.
Ms Finnane? Yes.
I'm Constable Marsh,
this is Constable Park.
The hospital's informed us of
your injury and we're following up.
Following up what?
It's just a routine inquiry
about the nature of the injury.
It's part of our domestic violence
early intervention policy.
No, no, no, no, no. She fell over, OK?
She's haemophobic.
We're not even domesticated.
Who are you, sir?
I will gladly tell you who I am.
I am a senior criminal barrister.
You're an SC? No.
Then you're not a senior criminal
barrister, are you?
What's your name?
Cleaver Greene. Um, sorry?
Cleaver Greene. Cleaver Greene.
Ah, yeah, we know who you are. Oh.
You went to jail for conspiracy
to murder.
Yes. Yeah.
Exonerated by the Court of Appeal,
thank you.
No, you weren't exonerated.
The conviction was quashed.
Ms Finnane, is the injury you sustained
the result of violence,
domestic or otherwise?
Oh, are you kidding me?
No, I am haemophobic.
Thank you!
He pricked his finger on a rose thorn.
I fainted. Thank you. She fainted, OK?
So are you happy now?
Mr Greene, would you just leave us for a
moment so we can have a
word with Ms Finnane?
I've told you, I'm a lawyer, OK? Yeah.
You can't deprive her of legal
representation. Will you stop this?
Ms Finnane isn't under suspicion.
We just want to have a word with her
without you present.
I'm under suspicion now?
Well, you're a person of interest.
I know. I'm... fascinating.
This injury is consistent
with a punch to the face.
Now, Ms Finnane required stitches
and you, sir, have blood
on your right hand.
Yes, I bought her roses, OK?
They were thorny.
Would you excuse us
for a moment, please?
Oh, for the love of God!
Thank you very much, by the way.
And a man just tries a little bit
of old-fashioned friggin' romance.
I guess that's a jailable offence
for you now, is it?
'Mr Greene, we find you guilty
of attempted woo.
Accordingly the punishment
will be severe.'
Fuck me sideways.
He likes a chat, doesn't he?
- Horny, how are you, mate?
- Am I going to jail?
Listen, I've told you, mate. It's
going to be a long process, alright?
You can't guarantee
that I'm not going to jail, right?
Can't promise me that?
No, I-I can't promise you that.
Nobody can promise you that.
They're perfect, mate.
They make them look like
fair dinkum trades.
But I didn't do them. I know.
Of course they look perfect, though.
This is Bligh Phillips.
I got no chance, do I?
Listen, Horny,
like we keep saying, mate,
at this point,
we just keep our heads down
and we let the forensic accountants
do their bit.
It's 120 million bucks, mate!
Horny, you really have to
get some sleep.
That's what you need to do.
How fuckin' long am I gonna get?
Is Paulie with you?
Is... is he... is he there, mate?
Is he there?
Fuck.
OK, we can go. Right. All good.
Does it look all good, Cleaver?
Yeah. I'll, uh, get us a cab.
You'll get me a cab.
Like I said, I'll get you a cab.
Cal! Congratulations on the ratings.
Ah, Mr Premier.
Is this some kind of fucking joke?
What's she doing here?
Surely we can straighten this out.
We're all old friends here, aren't we?
I told you to sack her by midnight.
We never had any such conversation.
Oh, you heard me.
The whole State heard me.
But is she gone, Stevie?
Curiously not. She seems to be
sitting at my dining table.
Maybe she's Banquo's ghost.
Or maybe I'm in a coma
and hallucinating.
I mean, right now,
I'd rather be in a coma
because I was looking forward
to having a chat to old friends
and telling my old friends
what a complete fucking mess
you're making of this State!
I don't have to listen to this.
Oh, yes, you do, Stevie.
You know you do.
We have a very healthy majority, Cal.
Well, let's see how that's tracking
after my show tomorrow.
Janice. You're fired.
And here I was thinking all those years
that the government had the power.
What a fuckin' waste of time that was.
Hey if you're in doubt, Janice,
harbour's that way.
Righto.
Tikki's casino.
Now, let's stop dicking around,
shall we?
She wants it. Bligh Phillips wants it.
And I want it.
Thank you all for coming.
Um, I had intended to make
one simple statement here today.
Um...
I'm gay.
Cheers, Jeti.
Yeah, it's taken me a lot of time
and a lot of help
from a lot of good friends
to make this statement publicly.
I want to be who I am,
and I want to stop the gossip.
Craig! Craig!
Guys, guys, guys! Please, sorry!
Guys, I haven't finished.
Coming out as a gay man
is not the only truth
that I have to tell you today.
For the last two years,
I've been taking banned substances
in order to improve my strength
and my fitness.
I'm not alone,
and the Bros are not the only club
where this sort of stuff's going on.
I will not name names,
but I would urge my fellow players
and club officials throughout the code
to come forward and help clean up
this sport that we love so much.
Thank you.
I won't be taking any questions.
OK, what'd he tell you?
Roger! I got you this gig.
I know.
Four sessions with you
and the club captain turns out to be
a gay drug addict.
Yeah, OK, it was ten sessions, he was
already gay and he's not a drug addict.
This is the club's fault.
Why are you angry with me?
Because the game is damaged.
The club. The brand.
So it should be.
You don't condone this, do you?
No, sweetheart, of course not.
Of course I don't.
But I just wish that
you'd got him to come to us first.
Yeah, but how could I? I didn't
know about the drugs until now.
OK. Rog, what is the matter?
Well, the thing is, I...
What? What is the thing?
I-I...
I want a church wedding.
Hi, Rog.
God, Roger's so commanding
behind the wheel, isn't he?
I don't know if I wanna
do this today. Nonsense.
I want to do it, Sylvia's waiting
and we've got a booking
at Buon Ricordo at 1:30.
You know, there was a
bit of me that wasn't
completely repelled
by the idea of dying.
Some nights, I'd lie in bed
and I'd imagine my funeral.
There'd be a lot of people,
don't you reckon?
Cleave?
Oh! Oh, mate, the place'd be chockers.
I mean, not... not Lady Di,
but you know, there'd be video
screens for the overflow.
I'd miss everyone. Mm.
But the idea of rest, you know?
I do love a big sleep.
Oh, mate, I can't remember
the last time I slept.
I think it was about June 2009.
I'm like some sort of
perpetual motion device.
Physics says we're all
supposed to be slowing down.
I reckon I'm just speeding up.
I had goodbye sex with Missy
the other night.
And there's some shit going on
with Felicity.
I've got no idea what that is.
But everything still feels like it's
ahead of me, you know what I mean?
Anything else you want to dump?
Well, yes, as a matter of fact.
Kirsty's back.
Oh!
And she's the other shareholder
in the restaurant.
Oh, Jesus! Yeah. So that's good.
And my shares have been
redesignated F Class,
which means I don't earn an effing cent
until she gets 300 effing grand
out of everything I effing earn.
Maybe you should get an effing lawyer.
I can't afford one of those lawyers!
No individual human being could
afford one of those lawyers.
You've got to be incorporated
in Lichtenstein
to be able to afford one
of those lawyers.
I got an erection.
Now? The other day.
Oh! Hoo-hoo! Oh-ho! Indeed.
Your news tops my news.
Yeah, it was the wrong sort, though.
I don't think I've ever had
one of those, mate.
How can there... how can there be
a wrong sort of stiffy?
Mm-hm, I was thinking about Nicole.
Oh, it would have been so much easier
if it was Scarlet, but it was Nicole.
And even when I tried to think
of Scarlet, she became Nicole.
Mate, Scarlet has stuck by me
all the way through this.
She's just been brilliant.
Come on, mate.
Cut yourself a bit of slack.
You're very hard on yourself, Barnyard.
Can you guys give me a sec? Yeah.
Hey. Hey.
I was just, um, I was just
calling to let you know
that Barney's cancer's in remission.
Thank God. That's great news.
Yeah, it is, isn't it?
So I guess that things
can finally go back to normal.
Right.
But not for you though, huh,
Mr Superhero?
Those poll numbers are stratospheric.
Everyone will have forgotten
in a month or two.
Maybe not.
If only I could save a child
a week before the election.
So things with Barney are good?
Yeah. Yeah, they're good.
I'm really happy for you. Thanks.
Look, I've gotta run.
We'll speak soon, yeah?
Yeah.
Thanks, dear.
What do you think?
Oh, you look so beautiful, my darling.
Feel a bit silly in white.
Course you do.
It's the colour of lies.
Remember the dress I wore
when I married Cleave?
I do. Most inappropriate.
I looked good, though. It's not
often you see a sexy wedding dress.
And yet he managed to find one.
Do you think this is sexy?
It's sexy enough.
Look, darling, this time you are
marrying someone with dignity.
Roger will take your marriage seriously.
He's a sensitive, caring, loving man,
and I couldn't be happier for you.
Um... Ah, that's my phone.
Hey, Craig. What's the problem?
Ah... ah, yes.
Um, I used to know a lawyer.
I don't think I should be punished
for doing something
the club told me to do.
They had the doctors
injecting me with this shit.
I didn't even know
what half of it fuckin' was.
You're looking at suspension, Craig.
Maybe even a lifetime ban.
Oh, that's bullshit, eh.
I did the right thing.
See, that right there
is what this is all about.
I mean, is the code going to
punish you for being honest?
'Cause that'd be a disgrace.
That would be an outrage
and I will make it so.
I wasn't the only guy, right?
No, there are other blokes
much more into that shit than I was.
But I'm not going to be a whistleblower.
No-one's asking you to be
a whistleblower.
No, good.
Of course, it might help if you were
a little bit of a whistleblower.
No, I said I'm not going to
blow the whistle.
No, I know, but they might cut us
a deal, do you know what I mean?
So if you cough up some names,
then you're back on the paddock
in three months.
I'm not dobbing in my mates.
You don't dob in your mates.
Alright, no other players.
What about doctors? Officials?
They're not your mates. Some of 'em are.
Not if they've been injecting you
with this shit, they're not.
Craig, if they've been
importing it and selling it,
they're committing serious crimes.
You think I don't know that?
You worried they might try something?
Look, you know, maybe I shouldn't
have said anything, guys.
Alright? I just want to start again.
Fuckin' clean slate...
Craig, Craig... It's OK, mate.
Mate, if you're worried,
we should go to the cops.
No cops. No cops, please.
Fuck. If I go to the cops...
What? What'll happen?
They don't have to know
you've been to the cops.
There's ways of doing it...
No, they'll know, alright?
They'll know I'm here now.
I gotta go. I gotta go, guys.
They'll know he's here now?
Ah? Cleaver, what the fuck?
I was perfectly happy reading. Yes.
Have you not heard of making amends?
Now, I have been to Jimmy Fong's.
I remember you saying
it was your special favourite.
What's that under your arm?
That is for after dinner.
Jesus.
No, perfectly innocent, I assure you.
It's not that you don't take no
for an answer,
it's that you can't take it, can you?
The damage the word 'no'
does to your ego.
You get the soup? I got the soup.
So you should know
there's a very good chance
I'm being tailed right now.
You? Yeah.
Why? New client. Craig Goodham.
The footy guy? Yes.
Apparently, there's some
pretty heavy guys
who are happy to put a lid on things.
Backgammon. This is beautiful.
But you know me.
I count my life as nought when it
comes to the pursuit of justice.
You count your life as nought
when it comes to the pursuit
of a celebrity client
with a fat bank account.
Two sides of the same coin, Flick.
Call me Flick again
and you'll count your life as nought.
Hot. Hot. Hot! Hot!
Hot, hot, hot!
Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
Aarggh! Aarggh! Ow!
OK, Ms Finnane, help us to help you.
We specialise in this.
We know what's going on.
Chinese food and backgammon
is what was meant to be going on.
Please, Mr Greene.
Ms Finnane, you may love him...
I beg your pardon!
..or you may be afraid of him.
But whatever you're feeling, it doesn't
justify a life of physical abuse.
He's given you a black eye,
two broken fingers
and a fractured wrist.
Just tell us what happened. We'll
take him in and you'll be safe.
You could have an AVO
out on him tonight.
Are you kidding me?
Is there such a thing as
an Apprehended Fuck Up order?
'Cause I could really use one of those.
Well, what's it to us
if he represents Craig?
What's it to us? Well, in case you
hadn't noticed, Wend, I'm a Bro.
But you work at other clubs too.
You've got guys at every club.
Yes. First and foremost, I'm a Bro.
So if Craig makes
any allegations whatsoever,
I'm going to be called.
Called before the Commission,
and cross-examined by your ex-husband.
Oh, shit. This is our future here.
Why the hell did you have to
drag Cleaver into it?
I thought... I thought he'd be suitable.
You know, he loves footy.
He's got an encyclopaedic knowledge
of drugs.
It'll be all about stopping our wedding.
Oh, Rog, he's not like that.
Are you expecting anyone?
It's probably a sheriff with a subpoena.
Roger, drop it!
Believe me, there was no master plan
to scald myself
and break Felicity's fingers.
Look? See, burns.
They could be burns. Or?
You could be knocking Felicity around.
Oh, for God's...
Look, the fact of the matter is, I am
trying to win this woman's heart.
OK, now, it's not working,
but that's what I'm trying to do.
And I can tell by the look
in your eyes, all four of them,
that you don't believe a word I say,
and that's your prerogative.
But I...
Doc. Yeah, no, just out and about.
Oh, really?
I thought he was back on Thursday.
Oh, great. Great, great, great, great.
Yeah, no, I'll be there soon.
OK, here's the deal.
My son is just back from his
missionary work in the Congo,
'cause that's the way
we roll in my family.
And unless you people are going to
formally charge me with anything,
I'm going to go and see him now.
Well, this is a pretty quick turnaround.
Roger doesn't mind?
What's up? Is Fuzz OK?
Mm-hm. Roger.
All good?
Prue. Wonderful as always.
Hey, mate.
Hello, mate.
How are you?
Freedom seems to be agreeing with you.
Yes. Oh, no, I'm... I...
All... all... all's well.
Ah, Dad, this is Patience.
Patience, how do you do?
I'm very well, thank you, Mr Greene.
Have you ever flown Joburg to Sydney?
Ah, no, mate. Can't say that I have.
Well, no prizes for guessing
it's a long fucker.
Anyway, the plane is so new
that they haven't had time
to fit the TVs,
so no movies, no nothing.
Outrage. Dismay. Gnashing of teeth.
Sixteen hours, just spent staring
at the back of some fucker's head,
watching dandruff flake
and follicles grow.
This head was huge.
It was a huge head and a massive
body, a kind of David Lynch head.
Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick, the
dandruff was like a fucking snowstorm!
He must have been pro basketball
because he was just huge
and endless and his head kept
flipping over the back of the seat.
God knows where his legs ended up.
His feet must have ended up
in the cockpit.
Yeah. Right.
And, um... And, so, Patience, you're...
Patience is the wife
of the Congolese Foreign Minister.
Oh, the Foreign Minister.
And so... so you met up there in
the Congo and now you're friends?
Yeah. We're in love. And you're in love.
And they're in love, Doc.
Yep, they're in love.
Yowser, yowser, yowser.
Mate, there's a perfectly
logical explanation.
Oh, mate, I'm sure there is.
I'm just wondering how the Minister
himself is feeling about all this.
Well, he's not over the moon, obviously.
Mm, um, what... what happened to Tara?
You know the whole church, God thing.
So many questions, wrestling with...
Right, she wouldn't have sex with you.
Not unless we were married, no.
Oh, Jesus. What now? Rog!
Yeah?
Morning, sir. We've got a warrant
to search these premises.
What? No, there must be some mistake.
This is 25 Pearl Street, right?
No, I'm... I'm going to need
a lawyer to have a look at this.
Well, I hope you've got one handy, sir.
That warrant allows us immediate entry.
Cleaver? Can I see you
for a moment, please?
Excuse me.
What's up?
This is Cleaver Greene.
He's a barrister.
It's a search warrant. So it would seem.
What have you been up to, Rog?
That's not funny, Cleaver.
Huh? Halo starting to slip
a little bit, is it, groin boy?
Oh, fuck. What?
This isn't in connection with you.
Finnegan Greene, Patience Mwambo,
you're under arrest for the illegal
importation of blood diamonds.
Dad... Not another word, mate.
Your Honour, Mr Greene assures me
he is not just innocent of,
but bewildered by, these charges.
He is no flight risk and he is happy
to surrender his passport.
I grant bail subject
to the following conditions -
that Mr Greene reside
at 25 Pearl Street, Bronte,
and that an acceptable person
enter into an agreement
and deposit security to forfeit,
sum of $50,000.
I presume you will be seeking
to meet those conditions yourself,
Mr Greene?
Yes, of course, Your Honour.
There's no... there's no question...
It's just with the... with the recent
fall of the Australian dollar...
Yes, Mr Greene?
Well, AU$50,000 a few months ago
was worth about US$48,000.
Now it's down to about 42.
I think it behoves the court
to take these currency fluctuations
into account
with the... the prospect
of a plummeting Australian dollar...
Can you meet the bail or not, Mr Greene?
Ah, $50,000 is acceptable,
thank you, Your Honour.
Now, as to Ms Patience Mwambo,
and I warn you, Mr Greene,
I have no interest in your views on
the state of the Congolese Franc.
Why couldn't you get Patience
bail as well?
I tried, Fuzz. You heard me.
Mate, I thought you were some great
and powerful Oz in a court room.
Have you followed my career at all?
Look, I'm sorry to say, my friend,
she planted the diamonds in your case
so that you'd take the fall
if you got caught, alright?
You're just racist, Cleave.
Oh, for the love of God.
You know I've always suspected it.
Cleave!
At least you'll be able to walk your
Mum down the aisle on Saturday
rather than languishing
in a prison cell.
So you're very fuckin' welcome, mate.
Christ on a bike!
Oh, Jarvis, yeah, look,
I left my laptop at home
and I've got syncing issues,
so I'll be about an hour.
Scarlet. Scarlet!
Can we talk about this?
I don't think there's anything
to talk about.
Ow!
I think there's a lot to talk about.
I think there are thousands of things
you and I haven't said to each other,
for a long, long time.
So why break a winning streak now?
For four years, we've been nothing
more than ghosts to each other.
Four years? Four? Let me guess.
It's been four years since I slept
with Cleaver, so it's all my fault.
I'm completely responsible
for the failure of this marriage.
I wasn't... See?
No, there wasn't a thousand
things to talk about after all.
I wasn't saying that.
I'd never say that.
Yeah, but you think it, don't you?
You see everything about you and me
through that one tiny prism.
And I bet when you started
fucking Nicole, you thought that.
'Oh, this wouldn't be happening
if Scarlet hadn't fucked Cleaver.'
No?
You may be right.
Oh!
I couldn't honestly say
I've never thought it,
but that's not
what this is about, Scarlet.
This is about us making
a really important decision.
I think you've already made that.
I wasn't talking about if we split.
I was talking about how we split.
You've been amazing
these last six months.
But your heart's not in it anymore,
is it, baby?
Whoever it is...
..you have my blessing.
Loving husbands leave loving wives
and vice versa. Why?
Because of the shock of finding
new and great sex again.
It's primal. It's base.
We didn't have great sex.
No, we didn't. It wasn't your fault.
I know.
I was living a lie when I was with you.
I was literally not myself.
It affected everything.
I know.
You've had great sex since me?
Mm-hm. With a woman?
Oh, don't you start. Oh, sorry.
I didn't mean to do that.
But, I mean, you know,
the sort of great sex I'm
talking about is really great.
Like 'bouncing off the walls' great.
I know, I know.
It's like when you think the
orgasm's going to kill you, right?
And you hope it does.
You hope it'll consume you
and you'll cease to exist
at a point of perfect ecstasy,
and there's this certainty
you'll flash into the heavens
and become a star and create
a whole new race of beings.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sort of.
So where is this flash of ecstasy?
Why haven't you snared her?
Well, it's not so much her, as...
as them.
The witness said Craig
was knocked over by a black sedan.
Hit-and-run.
But she didn't see the driver,
or the plate.
Jesus, is there really
so much cash involved
they're prepared to kill for it?
It would seem that way. What about us?
What about us?
Well, if they know that he saw us,
they don't know that he didn't
cough up some names.
We could be next.
If we are going to be hit,
I hope they just shoot us.
Oh, yeah, hit-and-run's messy.
One good round in the back of
the head and it's done, you know.
No idea it's even happened.
Painless, I imagine. Quick.
Lots of press.
I'd be above the fold.
I wouldn't be so sure, mate.
Father of four versus father of one.
Recent cancer survivor.
Pro bono work for Amnesty.
Well, maybe you'd be above the fold.
Wreck the wedding plans, but.
Whose? Wendy's?
No, mine.
I'm going to ask Nicole to marry me.
Looking at engagement rings
this afternoon.
What?!
Scarlet and I have called it quits.
After... Since when?
Since this morning. Oh, mate. I'm sorry.
Best thing for both of us. Oh, fuck.
Well... well, you've got
something to live for, then.
We are gonna get ourselves
some police protection.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I have some critical information
about the Craig Goodham incident.
Now, whilst the police say
they cannot confirm
that this was an
intentional hit-and-run,
my colleague, Mr Meagher, and I
absolutely can confirm
that that was the case.
- Cleaver...
- Mr Greene...
Now, obviously in making this statement,
Mr Meagher and I are aware
that we are putting our own lives
in some jeopardy,
but such is the cost of justice,
ladies and gentlemen.
Mr Greene... No questions, thank you.
You want bodyguards?
These guys are coming for us, digger.
We didn't ask you to make
that statement, Cleave.
What have you got?
A black car? Give me a break.
I've put Barney and me
squarely in the frame.
Yeah, thanks for that, mate.
Alright, give us the names.
We don't have any names. Oh, Jesus.
Craig refused to name names.
He was very clear about it, in fact.
So why did you make that statement?
To smoke the bastards out.
Protective detail is coming in
at about 80th
on our list of priorities right now.
See, we have got mass murder
up here coming in at number one,
and way, way down here,
we've got looking after
your sorry arse, Cleaver.
After that press conference,
if anything happens to us, mate,
you are fucked.
Not quite as fucked as we will be,
but fucked nonetheless.
Alright. You get protective detail.
Thank you. 48 hours.
Oh! 48 hours?
Mate, I don't know if you've noticed.
My client is not having
a restorative nap.
He's actually in a coma.
This could last for weeks.
48 hours.
And if something does happen to you,
they can put my name
on the list of fuckin' suspects.
Oh, right up the list, digger?
Way, way up the list, Cleave.
Brett.
Charles.
Ah? Ah.
I should be OK from here, fellas.
My executive assistant, Nicole,
will tend to your every need.
What are you doing?
I'm blacking out the windows.
Oh, yeah. Good thinking, 99.
Snipers. It was a stupid stunt, Cleaver.
What? Another bit of cheap publicity.
It's pathetic. What's with the attitude?
You know,
Barney's the father of my child,
and the way that he tells it is that
without any consultation,
you put his life in such danger
that a cash-strapped police force
now has to spend a fortune
protecting the pair of you.
It was their call,
and it's not like it's a fortune.
I mean, you know,
they didn't have to hire these guys.
They were working anyway, Oh!
Hey, guys?
Do you fellas get, you know, danger
money for doing gigs like this?
Yeah. Oh, you do? Really?
What, so good money? Good money.
Ah.
You see, it's danger money,
because it's dangerous.
You know, a little pity and
a little patience wouldn't go astray.
Anyway, I would've thought
you'd be over the moon today.
Why would I be over the moon?
It's not been an easy day, Cleaver.
The wedding! What?
The wedding. Whose... what wedding?
Wendy's wedding? Yes, Wendy's.
Why would I be excited about that?
Because it's a wedding.
And she's a lovely lady
and she's terribly fond of you.
When... when you married Barry...
Bevan. Bevan.
I remember she called me over
and she said,
'Oh, Cleave, next time you see Nicole,
make sure you pass on to her
my heartfelt congratulations
to both her and her partner.'
Exact quote.
Is Barney going to ask me to marry him?
What? Well, how would I know?
I saw him this morning at the hospital,
but we didn't have any small talk -
not that you getting married is small
because you're not, as far as I know.
So put that in your pipe, young lady.
Put what in my pipe?
Don't tell him I told you, OK?
I assumed...
Everything he said made me think
that he'd already asked you,
that he'd proposed
and you'd said yes, OK?
Apart from him saying
he was going out to look for rings.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
Nicole! Oh, I'm fucked.
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck!
OK, just please, don't move.
What do you want?
I just... wanted to see you.
Who are they?
My bodyguards. Your bodyguards?
Yeah. Didn't you see
my press conference?
No. Oh, it's everywhere. It's viral.
It's on fire.
I've, uh... I've really laid down
the gauntlet to a bunch of criminals.
Well, you haven't laid it anywhere
near me, have you?
I'm not even really sure what
a gauntlet is, and if it's yours,
it wouldn't surprise me if it was
viral and it set fire to me.
Can I come in? Huh?
Have you brought anything for me?
No. No, promise. No food,
no... no flowers, no board games.
All I have is... is my phone and my
keys to my apartment, and my wallet.
Well, the phone and the key
concern me a little.
I know your wallet will be empty,
so that should be fine.
OK if I use the little boys room?
I promise I don't have any drugs.
It will be function without form.
Walk slowly.
An 87-year-old man reported
to Kogarah Police tonight
confessing that he believed himself
to be the driver
that ran down football star
Craig Goodham.
Cleaver, you might want to see this.
Actually, you're going to
need to see it.
It's the guy who ran down your client.
..rushed to St Vincent's
hospital where his condition...
Uh-uh!
..described as serious but stable.
Any suggestion by barrister
Cleaver Greene of foul play
has been refuted by
New South Wales Police.
You OK? Cleaver?
You OK? Yeah, fine!
Fuck!
She walked into a door? No, no.
She walked into a door
that I was pushing.
Shhh.
The detail that you fail
to grasp here, Constable,
is that this is what happens to
people who get too close to me, OK?
Do you understand?
And you and I have now spent
so much quality time together
that you qualify, alright?
Do you understand? You should be
afraid. You should be very afraid.
Mr Greene,
you're needed in intensive care.
Ah? Ah?
Yep?
My ex-wife is getting married
this morning.
I'm not happy about it.
It's not the guy. The guy's fine.
The guy's, you know...
It's just that there is a guy,
and I think what I'm starting to realise
is that I actually can't bear the ide
of any woman
I have ever loved and/or been with
ever being with any man ever again.
And what kind of fucktardery
is that, hm?
'Cause you know,
there's this woman, right,
who's here, actually, coincidentally,
and she's so sexy and smart and cynical
and she's driving me wild.
But I...
And you know, she's got...
she's got a black eye,
two broken fingers and a busted nose,
and it's all my fault.
I mean, I didn't... obviously...
But...
But it is my fault
because the things I do...
I'm stuck. I'm stuck. I'm stuck.
And so I'm spending
the whole fuckin' time thinking,
'Oh, I hope things go tits-up
between Wendy and Rog
so Wendy comes running back to me.'
Wendy. Roger.
What's that, mate? Wendy and Roger? Yes.
Roger, Cleave.
We don't have to dwell on Roger,
but it's good you're back.
It's... Roger.
Hey, you look beautiful. Thank you.
We are here to honour
and proclaim before God
the union of Wendy and Roger.
Our Lord...
Our Father, our Lord,
celebrates matrimony
because he celebrates love and honour.
So if there's anyone
in this congregation
who for any reason believes
that Wendy and Roger
should not be joined together,
let him speak now
or forever hold his peace.
Cleaver.
Dad, don't.
Darlin', believe me,
this is the last thing I want to do.
Then don't. Don't do it, Cleave.
Go and piss all your anger
and fear up against another wall.
I have a life with this man.
No, you don't.
Why? Roger's a drug dealer.
What?! What do you mean,
Roger's a drug dealer?!
The drugs, the growth hormone,
the whole bullshit. He's the guy.
Oh, this is pathetic!
You just don't get a house
like that from rubbing groins...
Right!
Everybody out of here
except Cleaver and Fuzz.
Go! Go! Go! Mate...
Oh...
Go, go!
I'll stay if you like, Roger.
What have you two been up to?
Sport needs drugs!
So, you're gonna move in with that
duplicitous two-faced bitch?
This is your fault!
When I say jump, you jump.
You do as I bloody say.
You are my bitch.
You bark when I whistle.
Wake up to yourself!
What the hell is wrong with you?
The woman is setting you up!
This is Kirsty's Country & Western
Chop Shop!
Holy Mary, mother of God!
Haven't seen you and the other guys
around Marcel's recently.
Well, we're all out of that now.
I wonder about the wisdom
of coming out on the Footy Show.
And where's Fuzz?
He and Tara are going to the Congo
to build hospitals
and schools and sing happy hymns.
How long is it since
you've actually had sex?
An eternity.
Those are genuine bad trades and I
am all over them. I'm being set up.
She was my wife first!
You are never to see her again.
You understand me?
So do you understand?
Yeah, course I understand.
It's your big special day.
Yet another one
of your big special days.
Cleaver. Three times lucky.
No, it's alright, Doc.
I wasn't expecting to be invited.
I know Roger's got issues with me.
You threw me against a wall
and tried to kiss me.
I threw you against the wall
and did kiss you.
And I believe you may have
kissed me back.
If you care about me, even a little bit,
please don't make this
any harder than it already is.
How can it be hard?
You've finally found
someone you can rely on
who's making silly money massaging young
men's groins and administering unguents.
Well, it's hard because
we're not going to be seeing
each other anymore like we have.
I need you to grasp that.
There's not going to be
any more lunches.
There's not going to be any more
impromptu therapy sessions.
No more dropping in.
Are you going to let me out on
the streets without a therapist?
Don't flatter yourself.
This town's such a basket case,
no-one will notice.
You know, if you break down
the word 'therapist',
you get 'the rapist'.
Have you thought about that
for a minute, Doc?
The rapist?
One little non-hyphenated space
is all it takes to go from
a healer to a villain.
Do you think that's what happened to
me along the way somewhere?
I acquired a non-hyphenated space
and you fell through it?
I climbed through it. Yes.
So I will do absolutely nothing
in my power.
I will leave every stone unturned
to ensure that you have
the wedding of your dreams.
Thank you.
You'll be alright, won't you? Yes.
I'll be... good. OK.
Can I still come and pick up
Fuzz with you at the airport?
Is that alright? Of course.
Good.
Yep, I've gotta run. I've got a client.
OK.
Mmm.
Mm-hm.
Mmm?
What's he saying? Mm-hm.
OK. Yep. Yep. Thanks, Magnus.
The cancer's in remission.
If it continues,
it'll be gone in two months.
It's just a real tragedy, Janice.
But let's stick with the facts.
Now, three children
under the age of ten,
wards of the State,
found in these
just disgraceful conditions.
Now, you and I go back, Janice,
politically speaking,
and I know there's no department
more impossible
and underfunded than Community Services.
But there is simply no excuse for this.
And if you are not sacked
by midnight tonight,
the Premier will be hearing from
my family,
the people of this State.
Now, we have nothing further
to talk about.
Get out of my studio! You disgust me!
Back in a moment,
and I'll be taking your calls.
Cleaver! Oh.
Kirsty. Hi. Do you mind if we join you?
G'day, Cleave.
Col, you're out. Well spotted, mate.
Fuck. What's going on?
What's this about, old debts?
No, no, no, not yet.
No, no, this is about our partnership.
What, you and Col? No, you and me.
Guess who owns 80% of this restaurant.
Jesus...
No, close. Me.
Although, I wouldn't mind
Jesus in the kitchen,
what with all those
loaves and fishes, eh, Col?
You bought the other shares?
Yeah.
Why would you buy the other shares
in this restaurant?
Tax problem. I've now got
this really good accountant.
Oh, look, I've become
a respectable member
of this community now, Cleaver,
and I've got a number
of legitimate businesses.
This just happens to be one of them.
Right, so buy me out.
I told you I would get my money
from you one way or the other.
Right.
Like I said, I've got
this really good accountant
and we rounded up what you owe me
to 300 grand.
300 grand? Mm-hm.
It's what you owed me during the trial,
plus a little tiny bit of interest.
Check it out. Yeah.
Have a look. Page three.
Alright, so my shares have
also been designated F Class.
Why? That's oppression of a minority.
No, not according to my formerly
oppressed Bosnian accountant.
Anyway, we've gotta get going.
We're having dinner somewhere
where the food is edible.
Word is that the duck here
is very fuckin' dry.
Take it easy, Cleave.
Ooh, I'll be in touch, partner.
Why has everybody
got it in for the duck?
Now, who said
good old-fashioned romance was dead?
Someone very wise, I'm sure.
I don't recall inviting you over,
Cleaver.
Well, hence the element of surprise,
you see?
I've caught you off guard.
And now your mind is reeling
with romantic possibilities.
Come on, don't... You like roses, huh?
All girls like roses.
Even girls who say,
'I don't like roses' like roses.
Are you drunk?
Drunk with romantic possibilities.
Now, are you going to let me in here?
No. I'll sing.
Don't. I will sing.
Cleaver...
♪ Stars are... ♪
No, no, no. No. Seriously. Cleaver!
No. You can come in. Just...
Enough. No.
You can come in. Shh, enough!
Ah. This is a nice...
nice little utilitarian place.
I don't need much more.
I only have one arse and two hands.
Better than the other way around.
Now, have you got a vase,
or is that a little bourgeois?
I have a vase. One vase. Very good.
Careful, I don't want
you to prick yourself.
Ooh, do I detect
a note of concern there?
No, I'm haemophobic.
I can't stand the sight of... blood.
Whoa, fuck! What?!
How's it look?
Oh, it's... Yeah, it's great.
You'd... you'd never know.
Ms Finnane? Yes.
I'm Constable Marsh,
this is Constable Park.
The hospital's informed us of
your injury and we're following up.
Following up what?
It's just a routine inquiry
about the nature of the injury.
It's part of our domestic violence
early intervention policy.
No, no, no, no, no. She fell over, OK?
She's haemophobic.
We're not even domesticated.
Who are you, sir?
I will gladly tell you who I am.
I am a senior criminal barrister.
You're an SC? No.
Then you're not a senior criminal
barrister, are you?
What's your name?
Cleaver Greene. Um, sorry?
Cleaver Greene. Cleaver Greene.
Ah, yeah, we know who you are. Oh.
You went to jail for conspiracy
to murder.
Yes. Yeah.
Exonerated by the Court of Appeal,
thank you.
No, you weren't exonerated.
The conviction was quashed.
Ms Finnane, is the injury you sustained
the result of violence,
domestic or otherwise?
Oh, are you kidding me?
No, I am haemophobic.
Thank you!
He pricked his finger on a rose thorn.
I fainted. Thank you. She fainted, OK?
So are you happy now?
Mr Greene, would you just leave us for a
moment so we can have a
word with Ms Finnane?
I've told you, I'm a lawyer, OK? Yeah.
You can't deprive her of legal
representation. Will you stop this?
Ms Finnane isn't under suspicion.
We just want to have a word with her
without you present.
I'm under suspicion now?
Well, you're a person of interest.
I know. I'm... fascinating.
This injury is consistent
with a punch to the face.
Now, Ms Finnane required stitches
and you, sir, have blood
on your right hand.
Yes, I bought her roses, OK?
They were thorny.
Would you excuse us
for a moment, please?
Oh, for the love of God!
Thank you very much, by the way.
And a man just tries a little bit
of old-fashioned friggin' romance.
I guess that's a jailable offence
for you now, is it?
'Mr Greene, we find you guilty
of attempted woo.
Accordingly the punishment
will be severe.'
Fuck me sideways.
He likes a chat, doesn't he?
- Horny, how are you, mate?
- Am I going to jail?
Listen, I've told you, mate. It's
going to be a long process, alright?
You can't guarantee
that I'm not going to jail, right?
Can't promise me that?
No, I-I can't promise you that.
Nobody can promise you that.
They're perfect, mate.
They make them look like
fair dinkum trades.
But I didn't do them. I know.
Of course they look perfect, though.
This is Bligh Phillips.
I got no chance, do I?
Listen, Horny,
like we keep saying, mate,
at this point,
we just keep our heads down
and we let the forensic accountants
do their bit.
It's 120 million bucks, mate!
Horny, you really have to
get some sleep.
That's what you need to do.
How fuckin' long am I gonna get?
Is Paulie with you?
Is... is he... is he there, mate?
Is he there?
Fuck.
OK, we can go. Right. All good.
Does it look all good, Cleaver?
Yeah. I'll, uh, get us a cab.
You'll get me a cab.
Like I said, I'll get you a cab.
Cal! Congratulations on the ratings.
Ah, Mr Premier.
Is this some kind of fucking joke?
What's she doing here?
Surely we can straighten this out.
We're all old friends here, aren't we?
I told you to sack her by midnight.
We never had any such conversation.
Oh, you heard me.
The whole State heard me.
But is she gone, Stevie?
Curiously not. She seems to be
sitting at my dining table.
Maybe she's Banquo's ghost.
Or maybe I'm in a coma
and hallucinating.
I mean, right now,
I'd rather be in a coma
because I was looking forward
to having a chat to old friends
and telling my old friends
what a complete fucking mess
you're making of this State!
I don't have to listen to this.
Oh, yes, you do, Stevie.
You know you do.
We have a very healthy majority, Cal.
Well, let's see how that's tracking
after my show tomorrow.
Janice. You're fired.
And here I was thinking all those years
that the government had the power.
What a fuckin' waste of time that was.
Hey if you're in doubt, Janice,
harbour's that way.
Righto.
Tikki's casino.
Now, let's stop dicking around,
shall we?
She wants it. Bligh Phillips wants it.
And I want it.
Thank you all for coming.
Um, I had intended to make
one simple statement here today.
Um...
I'm gay.
Cheers, Jeti.
Yeah, it's taken me a lot of time
and a lot of help
from a lot of good friends
to make this statement publicly.
I want to be who I am,
and I want to stop the gossip.
Craig! Craig!
Guys, guys, guys! Please, sorry!
Guys, I haven't finished.
Coming out as a gay man
is not the only truth
that I have to tell you today.
For the last two years,
I've been taking banned substances
in order to improve my strength
and my fitness.
I'm not alone,
and the Bros are not the only club
where this sort of stuff's going on.
I will not name names,
but I would urge my fellow players
and club officials throughout the code
to come forward and help clean up
this sport that we love so much.
Thank you.
I won't be taking any questions.
OK, what'd he tell you?
Roger! I got you this gig.
I know.
Four sessions with you
and the club captain turns out to be
a gay drug addict.
Yeah, OK, it was ten sessions, he was
already gay and he's not a drug addict.
This is the club's fault.
Why are you angry with me?
Because the game is damaged.
The club. The brand.
So it should be.
You don't condone this, do you?
No, sweetheart, of course not.
Of course I don't.
But I just wish that
you'd got him to come to us first.
Yeah, but how could I? I didn't
know about the drugs until now.
OK. Rog, what is the matter?
Well, the thing is, I...
What? What is the thing?
I-I...
I want a church wedding.
Hi, Rog.
God, Roger's so commanding
behind the wheel, isn't he?
I don't know if I wanna
do this today. Nonsense.
I want to do it, Sylvia's waiting
and we've got a booking
at Buon Ricordo at 1:30.
You know, there was a
bit of me that wasn't
completely repelled
by the idea of dying.
Some nights, I'd lie in bed
and I'd imagine my funeral.
There'd be a lot of people,
don't you reckon?
Cleave?
Oh! Oh, mate, the place'd be chockers.
I mean, not... not Lady Di,
but you know, there'd be video
screens for the overflow.
I'd miss everyone. Mm.
But the idea of rest, you know?
I do love a big sleep.
Oh, mate, I can't remember
the last time I slept.
I think it was about June 2009.
I'm like some sort of
perpetual motion device.
Physics says we're all
supposed to be slowing down.
I reckon I'm just speeding up.
I had goodbye sex with Missy
the other night.
And there's some shit going on
with Felicity.
I've got no idea what that is.
But everything still feels like it's
ahead of me, you know what I mean?
Anything else you want to dump?
Well, yes, as a matter of fact.
Kirsty's back.
Oh!
And she's the other shareholder
in the restaurant.
Oh, Jesus! Yeah. So that's good.
And my shares have been
redesignated F Class,
which means I don't earn an effing cent
until she gets 300 effing grand
out of everything I effing earn.
Maybe you should get an effing lawyer.
I can't afford one of those lawyers!
No individual human being could
afford one of those lawyers.
You've got to be incorporated
in Lichtenstein
to be able to afford one
of those lawyers.
I got an erection.
Now? The other day.
Oh! Hoo-hoo! Oh-ho! Indeed.
Your news tops my news.
Yeah, it was the wrong sort, though.
I don't think I've ever had
one of those, mate.
How can there... how can there be
a wrong sort of stiffy?
Mm-hm, I was thinking about Nicole.
Oh, it would have been so much easier
if it was Scarlet, but it was Nicole.
And even when I tried to think
of Scarlet, she became Nicole.
Mate, Scarlet has stuck by me
all the way through this.
She's just been brilliant.
Come on, mate.
Cut yourself a bit of slack.
You're very hard on yourself, Barnyard.
Can you guys give me a sec? Yeah.
Hey. Hey.
I was just, um, I was just
calling to let you know
that Barney's cancer's in remission.
Thank God. That's great news.
Yeah, it is, isn't it?
So I guess that things
can finally go back to normal.
Right.
But not for you though, huh,
Mr Superhero?
Those poll numbers are stratospheric.
Everyone will have forgotten
in a month or two.
Maybe not.
If only I could save a child
a week before the election.
So things with Barney are good?
Yeah. Yeah, they're good.
I'm really happy for you. Thanks.
Look, I've gotta run.
We'll speak soon, yeah?
Yeah.
Thanks, dear.
What do you think?
Oh, you look so beautiful, my darling.
Feel a bit silly in white.
Course you do.
It's the colour of lies.
Remember the dress I wore
when I married Cleave?
I do. Most inappropriate.
I looked good, though. It's not
often you see a sexy wedding dress.
And yet he managed to find one.
Do you think this is sexy?
It's sexy enough.
Look, darling, this time you are
marrying someone with dignity.
Roger will take your marriage seriously.
He's a sensitive, caring, loving man,
and I couldn't be happier for you.
Um... Ah, that's my phone.
Hey, Craig. What's the problem?
Ah... ah, yes.
Um, I used to know a lawyer.
I don't think I should be punished
for doing something
the club told me to do.
They had the doctors
injecting me with this shit.
I didn't even know
what half of it fuckin' was.
You're looking at suspension, Craig.
Maybe even a lifetime ban.
Oh, that's bullshit, eh.
I did the right thing.
See, that right there
is what this is all about.
I mean, is the code going to
punish you for being honest?
'Cause that'd be a disgrace.
That would be an outrage
and I will make it so.
I wasn't the only guy, right?
No, there are other blokes
much more into that shit than I was.
But I'm not going to be a whistleblower.
No-one's asking you to be
a whistleblower.
No, good.
Of course, it might help if you were
a little bit of a whistleblower.
No, I said I'm not going to
blow the whistle.
No, I know, but they might cut us
a deal, do you know what I mean?
So if you cough up some names,
then you're back on the paddock
in three months.
I'm not dobbing in my mates.
You don't dob in your mates.
Alright, no other players.
What about doctors? Officials?
They're not your mates. Some of 'em are.
Not if they've been injecting you
with this shit, they're not.
Craig, if they've been
importing it and selling it,
they're committing serious crimes.
You think I don't know that?
You worried they might try something?
Look, you know, maybe I shouldn't
have said anything, guys.
Alright? I just want to start again.
Fuckin' clean slate...
Craig, Craig... It's OK, mate.
Mate, if you're worried,
we should go to the cops.
No cops. No cops, please.
Fuck. If I go to the cops...
What? What'll happen?
They don't have to know
you've been to the cops.
There's ways of doing it...
No, they'll know, alright?
They'll know I'm here now.
I gotta go. I gotta go, guys.
They'll know he's here now?
Ah? Cleaver, what the fuck?
I was perfectly happy reading. Yes.
Have you not heard of making amends?
Now, I have been to Jimmy Fong's.
I remember you saying
it was your special favourite.
What's that under your arm?
That is for after dinner.
Jesus.
No, perfectly innocent, I assure you.
It's not that you don't take no
for an answer,
it's that you can't take it, can you?
The damage the word 'no'
does to your ego.
You get the soup? I got the soup.
So you should know
there's a very good chance
I'm being tailed right now.
You? Yeah.
Why? New client. Craig Goodham.
The footy guy? Yes.
Apparently, there's some
pretty heavy guys
who are happy to put a lid on things.
Backgammon. This is beautiful.
But you know me.
I count my life as nought when it
comes to the pursuit of justice.
You count your life as nought
when it comes to the pursuit
of a celebrity client
with a fat bank account.
Two sides of the same coin, Flick.
Call me Flick again
and you'll count your life as nought.
Hot. Hot. Hot! Hot!
Hot, hot, hot!
Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
Aarggh! Aarggh! Ow!
OK, Ms Finnane, help us to help you.
We specialise in this.
We know what's going on.
Chinese food and backgammon
is what was meant to be going on.
Please, Mr Greene.
Ms Finnane, you may love him...
I beg your pardon!
..or you may be afraid of him.
But whatever you're feeling, it doesn't
justify a life of physical abuse.
He's given you a black eye,
two broken fingers
and a fractured wrist.
Just tell us what happened. We'll
take him in and you'll be safe.
You could have an AVO
out on him tonight.
Are you kidding me?
Is there such a thing as
an Apprehended Fuck Up order?
'Cause I could really use one of those.
Well, what's it to us
if he represents Craig?
What's it to us? Well, in case you
hadn't noticed, Wend, I'm a Bro.
But you work at other clubs too.
You've got guys at every club.
Yes. First and foremost, I'm a Bro.
So if Craig makes
any allegations whatsoever,
I'm going to be called.
Called before the Commission,
and cross-examined by your ex-husband.
Oh, shit. This is our future here.
Why the hell did you have to
drag Cleaver into it?
I thought... I thought he'd be suitable.
You know, he loves footy.
He's got an encyclopaedic knowledge
of drugs.
It'll be all about stopping our wedding.
Oh, Rog, he's not like that.
Are you expecting anyone?
It's probably a sheriff with a subpoena.
Roger, drop it!
Believe me, there was no master plan
to scald myself
and break Felicity's fingers.
Look? See, burns.
They could be burns. Or?
You could be knocking Felicity around.
Oh, for God's...
Look, the fact of the matter is, I am
trying to win this woman's heart.
OK, now, it's not working,
but that's what I'm trying to do.
And I can tell by the look
in your eyes, all four of them,
that you don't believe a word I say,
and that's your prerogative.
But I...
Doc. Yeah, no, just out and about.
Oh, really?
I thought he was back on Thursday.
Oh, great. Great, great, great, great.
Yeah, no, I'll be there soon.
OK, here's the deal.
My son is just back from his
missionary work in the Congo,
'cause that's the way
we roll in my family.
And unless you people are going to
formally charge me with anything,
I'm going to go and see him now.
Well, this is a pretty quick turnaround.
Roger doesn't mind?
What's up? Is Fuzz OK?
Mm-hm. Roger.
All good?
Prue. Wonderful as always.
Hey, mate.
Hello, mate.
How are you?
Freedom seems to be agreeing with you.
Yes. Oh, no, I'm... I...
All... all... all's well.
Ah, Dad, this is Patience.
Patience, how do you do?
I'm very well, thank you, Mr Greene.
Have you ever flown Joburg to Sydney?
Ah, no, mate. Can't say that I have.
Well, no prizes for guessing
it's a long fucker.
Anyway, the plane is so new
that they haven't had time
to fit the TVs,
so no movies, no nothing.
Outrage. Dismay. Gnashing of teeth.
Sixteen hours, just spent staring
at the back of some fucker's head,
watching dandruff flake
and follicles grow.
This head was huge.
It was a huge head and a massive
body, a kind of David Lynch head.
Jesus Christ on a popsicle stick, the
dandruff was like a fucking snowstorm!
He must have been pro basketball
because he was just huge
and endless and his head kept
flipping over the back of the seat.
God knows where his legs ended up.
His feet must have ended up
in the cockpit.
Yeah. Right.
And, um... And, so, Patience, you're...
Patience is the wife
of the Congolese Foreign Minister.
Oh, the Foreign Minister.
And so... so you met up there in
the Congo and now you're friends?
Yeah. We're in love. And you're in love.
And they're in love, Doc.
Yep, they're in love.
Yowser, yowser, yowser.
Mate, there's a perfectly
logical explanation.
Oh, mate, I'm sure there is.
I'm just wondering how the Minister
himself is feeling about all this.
Well, he's not over the moon, obviously.
Mm, um, what... what happened to Tara?
You know the whole church, God thing.
So many questions, wrestling with...
Right, she wouldn't have sex with you.
Not unless we were married, no.
Oh, Jesus. What now? Rog!
Yeah?
Morning, sir. We've got a warrant
to search these premises.
What? No, there must be some mistake.
This is 25 Pearl Street, right?
No, I'm... I'm going to need
a lawyer to have a look at this.
Well, I hope you've got one handy, sir.
That warrant allows us immediate entry.
Cleaver? Can I see you
for a moment, please?
Excuse me.
What's up?
This is Cleaver Greene.
He's a barrister.
It's a search warrant. So it would seem.
What have you been up to, Rog?
That's not funny, Cleaver.
Huh? Halo starting to slip
a little bit, is it, groin boy?
Oh, fuck. What?
This isn't in connection with you.
Finnegan Greene, Patience Mwambo,
you're under arrest for the illegal
importation of blood diamonds.
Dad... Not another word, mate.
Your Honour, Mr Greene assures me
he is not just innocent of,
but bewildered by, these charges.
He is no flight risk and he is happy
to surrender his passport.
I grant bail subject
to the following conditions -
that Mr Greene reside
at 25 Pearl Street, Bronte,
and that an acceptable person
enter into an agreement
and deposit security to forfeit,
sum of $50,000.
I presume you will be seeking
to meet those conditions yourself,
Mr Greene?
Yes, of course, Your Honour.
There's no... there's no question...
It's just with the... with the recent
fall of the Australian dollar...
Yes, Mr Greene?
Well, AU$50,000 a few months ago
was worth about US$48,000.
Now it's down to about 42.
I think it behoves the court
to take these currency fluctuations
into account
with the... the prospect
of a plummeting Australian dollar...
Can you meet the bail or not, Mr Greene?
Ah, $50,000 is acceptable,
thank you, Your Honour.
Now, as to Ms Patience Mwambo,
and I warn you, Mr Greene,
I have no interest in your views on
the state of the Congolese Franc.
Why couldn't you get Patience
bail as well?
I tried, Fuzz. You heard me.
Mate, I thought you were some great
and powerful Oz in a court room.
Have you followed my career at all?
Look, I'm sorry to say, my friend,
she planted the diamonds in your case
so that you'd take the fall
if you got caught, alright?
You're just racist, Cleave.
Oh, for the love of God.
You know I've always suspected it.
Cleave!
At least you'll be able to walk your
Mum down the aisle on Saturday
rather than languishing
in a prison cell.
So you're very fuckin' welcome, mate.
Christ on a bike!
Oh, Jarvis, yeah, look,
I left my laptop at home
and I've got syncing issues,
so I'll be about an hour.
Scarlet. Scarlet!
Can we talk about this?
I don't think there's anything
to talk about.
Ow!
I think there's a lot to talk about.
I think there are thousands of things
you and I haven't said to each other,
for a long, long time.
So why break a winning streak now?
For four years, we've been nothing
more than ghosts to each other.
Four years? Four? Let me guess.
It's been four years since I slept
with Cleaver, so it's all my fault.
I'm completely responsible
for the failure of this marriage.
I wasn't... See?
No, there wasn't a thousand
things to talk about after all.
I wasn't saying that.
I'd never say that.
Yeah, but you think it, don't you?
You see everything about you and me
through that one tiny prism.
And I bet when you started
fucking Nicole, you thought that.
'Oh, this wouldn't be happening
if Scarlet hadn't fucked Cleaver.'
No?
You may be right.
Oh!
I couldn't honestly say
I've never thought it,
but that's not
what this is about, Scarlet.
This is about us making
a really important decision.
I think you've already made that.
I wasn't talking about if we split.
I was talking about how we split.
You've been amazing
these last six months.
But your heart's not in it anymore,
is it, baby?
Whoever it is...
..you have my blessing.
Loving husbands leave loving wives
and vice versa. Why?
Because of the shock of finding
new and great sex again.
It's primal. It's base.
We didn't have great sex.
No, we didn't. It wasn't your fault.
I know.
I was living a lie when I was with you.
I was literally not myself.
It affected everything.
I know.
You've had great sex since me?
Mm-hm. With a woman?
Oh, don't you start. Oh, sorry.
I didn't mean to do that.
But, I mean, you know,
the sort of great sex I'm
talking about is really great.
Like 'bouncing off the walls' great.
I know, I know.
It's like when you think the
orgasm's going to kill you, right?
And you hope it does.
You hope it'll consume you
and you'll cease to exist
at a point of perfect ecstasy,
and there's this certainty
you'll flash into the heavens
and become a star and create
a whole new race of beings.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sort of.
So where is this flash of ecstasy?
Why haven't you snared her?
Well, it's not so much her, as...
as them.
The witness said Craig
was knocked over by a black sedan.
Hit-and-run.
But she didn't see the driver,
or the plate.
Jesus, is there really
so much cash involved
they're prepared to kill for it?
It would seem that way. What about us?
What about us?
Well, if they know that he saw us,
they don't know that he didn't
cough up some names.
We could be next.
If we are going to be hit,
I hope they just shoot us.
Oh, yeah, hit-and-run's messy.
One good round in the back of
the head and it's done, you know.
No idea it's even happened.
Painless, I imagine. Quick.
Lots of press.
I'd be above the fold.
I wouldn't be so sure, mate.
Father of four versus father of one.
Recent cancer survivor.
Pro bono work for Amnesty.
Well, maybe you'd be above the fold.
Wreck the wedding plans, but.
Whose? Wendy's?
No, mine.
I'm going to ask Nicole to marry me.
Looking at engagement rings
this afternoon.
What?!
Scarlet and I have called it quits.
After... Since when?
Since this morning. Oh, mate. I'm sorry.
Best thing for both of us. Oh, fuck.
Well... well, you've got
something to live for, then.
We are gonna get ourselves
some police protection.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I have some critical information
about the Craig Goodham incident.
Now, whilst the police say
they cannot confirm
that this was an
intentional hit-and-run,
my colleague, Mr Meagher, and I
absolutely can confirm
that that was the case.
- Cleaver...
- Mr Greene...
Now, obviously in making this statement,
Mr Meagher and I are aware
that we are putting our own lives
in some jeopardy,
but such is the cost of justice,
ladies and gentlemen.
Mr Greene... No questions, thank you.
You want bodyguards?
These guys are coming for us, digger.
We didn't ask you to make
that statement, Cleave.
What have you got?
A black car? Give me a break.
I've put Barney and me
squarely in the frame.
Yeah, thanks for that, mate.
Alright, give us the names.
We don't have any names. Oh, Jesus.
Craig refused to name names.
He was very clear about it, in fact.
So why did you make that statement?
To smoke the bastards out.
Protective detail is coming in
at about 80th
on our list of priorities right now.
See, we have got mass murder
up here coming in at number one,
and way, way down here,
we've got looking after
your sorry arse, Cleaver.
After that press conference,
if anything happens to us, mate,
you are fucked.
Not quite as fucked as we will be,
but fucked nonetheless.
Alright. You get protective detail.
Thank you. 48 hours.
Oh! 48 hours?
Mate, I don't know if you've noticed.
My client is not having
a restorative nap.
He's actually in a coma.
This could last for weeks.
48 hours.
And if something does happen to you,
they can put my name
on the list of fuckin' suspects.
Oh, right up the list, digger?
Way, way up the list, Cleave.
Brett.
Charles.
Ah? Ah.
I should be OK from here, fellas.
My executive assistant, Nicole,
will tend to your every need.
What are you doing?
I'm blacking out the windows.
Oh, yeah. Good thinking, 99.
Snipers. It was a stupid stunt, Cleaver.
What? Another bit of cheap publicity.
It's pathetic. What's with the attitude?
You know,
Barney's the father of my child,
and the way that he tells it is that
without any consultation,
you put his life in such danger
that a cash-strapped police force
now has to spend a fortune
protecting the pair of you.
It was their call,
and it's not like it's a fortune.
I mean, you know,
they didn't have to hire these guys.
They were working anyway, Oh!
Hey, guys?
Do you fellas get, you know, danger
money for doing gigs like this?
Yeah. Oh, you do? Really?
What, so good money? Good money.
Ah.
You see, it's danger money,
because it's dangerous.
You know, a little pity and
a little patience wouldn't go astray.
Anyway, I would've thought
you'd be over the moon today.
Why would I be over the moon?
It's not been an easy day, Cleaver.
The wedding! What?
The wedding. Whose... what wedding?
Wendy's wedding? Yes, Wendy's.
Why would I be excited about that?
Because it's a wedding.
And she's a lovely lady
and she's terribly fond of you.
When... when you married Barry...
Bevan. Bevan.
I remember she called me over
and she said,
'Oh, Cleave, next time you see Nicole,
make sure you pass on to her
my heartfelt congratulations
to both her and her partner.'
Exact quote.
Is Barney going to ask me to marry him?
What? Well, how would I know?
I saw him this morning at the hospital,
but we didn't have any small talk -
not that you getting married is small
because you're not, as far as I know.
So put that in your pipe, young lady.
Put what in my pipe?
Don't tell him I told you, OK?
I assumed...
Everything he said made me think
that he'd already asked you,
that he'd proposed
and you'd said yes, OK?
Apart from him saying
he was going out to look for rings.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
Nicole! Oh, I'm fucked.
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck!
OK, just please, don't move.
What do you want?
I just... wanted to see you.
Who are they?
My bodyguards. Your bodyguards?
Yeah. Didn't you see
my press conference?
No. Oh, it's everywhere. It's viral.
It's on fire.
I've, uh... I've really laid down
the gauntlet to a bunch of criminals.
Well, you haven't laid it anywhere
near me, have you?
I'm not even really sure what
a gauntlet is, and if it's yours,
it wouldn't surprise me if it was
viral and it set fire to me.
Can I come in? Huh?
Have you brought anything for me?
No. No, promise. No food,
no... no flowers, no board games.
All I have is... is my phone and my
keys to my apartment, and my wallet.
Well, the phone and the key
concern me a little.
I know your wallet will be empty,
so that should be fine.
OK if I use the little boys room?
I promise I don't have any drugs.
It will be function without form.
Walk slowly.
An 87-year-old man reported
to Kogarah Police tonight
confessing that he believed himself
to be the driver
that ran down football star
Craig Goodham.
Cleaver, you might want to see this.
Actually, you're going to
need to see it.
It's the guy who ran down your client.
..rushed to St Vincent's
hospital where his condition...
Uh-uh!
..described as serious but stable.
Any suggestion by barrister
Cleaver Greene of foul play
has been refuted by
New South Wales Police.
You OK? Cleaver?
You OK? Yeah, fine!
Fuck!
She walked into a door? No, no.
She walked into a door
that I was pushing.
Shhh.
The detail that you fail
to grasp here, Constable,
is that this is what happens to
people who get too close to me, OK?
Do you understand?
And you and I have now spent
so much quality time together
that you qualify, alright?
Do you understand? You should be
afraid. You should be very afraid.
Mr Greene,
you're needed in intensive care.
Ah? Ah?
Yep?
My ex-wife is getting married
this morning.
I'm not happy about it.
It's not the guy. The guy's fine.
The guy's, you know...
It's just that there is a guy,
and I think what I'm starting to realise
is that I actually can't bear the ide
of any woman
I have ever loved and/or been with
ever being with any man ever again.
And what kind of fucktardery
is that, hm?
'Cause you know,
there's this woman, right,
who's here, actually, coincidentally,
and she's so sexy and smart and cynical
and she's driving me wild.
But I...
And you know, she's got...
she's got a black eye,
two broken fingers and a busted nose,
and it's all my fault.
I mean, I didn't... obviously...
But...
But it is my fault
because the things I do...
I'm stuck. I'm stuck. I'm stuck.
And so I'm spending
the whole fuckin' time thinking,
'Oh, I hope things go tits-up
between Wendy and Rog
so Wendy comes running back to me.'
Wendy. Roger.
What's that, mate? Wendy and Roger? Yes.
Roger, Cleave.
We don't have to dwell on Roger,
but it's good you're back.
It's... Roger.
Hey, you look beautiful. Thank you.
We are here to honour
and proclaim before God
the union of Wendy and Roger.
Our Lord...
Our Father, our Lord,
celebrates matrimony
because he celebrates love and honour.
So if there's anyone
in this congregation
who for any reason believes
that Wendy and Roger
should not be joined together,
let him speak now
or forever hold his peace.
Cleaver.
Dad, don't.
Darlin', believe me,
this is the last thing I want to do.
Then don't. Don't do it, Cleave.
Go and piss all your anger
and fear up against another wall.
I have a life with this man.
No, you don't.
Why? Roger's a drug dealer.
What?! What do you mean,
Roger's a drug dealer?!
The drugs, the growth hormone,
the whole bullshit. He's the guy.
Oh, this is pathetic!
You just don't get a house
like that from rubbing groins...
Right!
Everybody out of here
except Cleaver and Fuzz.
Go! Go! Go! Mate...
Oh...
Go, go!
I'll stay if you like, Roger.
What have you two been up to?
Sport needs drugs!
So, you're gonna move in with that
duplicitous two-faced bitch?
This is your fault!
When I say jump, you jump.
You do as I bloody say.
You are my bitch.
You bark when I whistle.
Wake up to yourself!
What the hell is wrong with you?
The woman is setting you up!
This is Kirsty's Country & Western
Chop Shop!
Holy Mary, mother of God!