Queers (2017): Season 1, Episode 2 - A Grand Day Out - full transcript

This programme contains
some strong language.

There's a vegetarian restaurant
round the corner.

You know, just round...

A couple of streets from here.
Does completely veggie.

I had a falafel. It was nice.

It was OK.

Did you see the news
on telly last night?

No, just wondered.

There were some bits in the papers,
I checked in WH Smiths.

Tiny, you know,
but that's not what I'm...

So, you didn't see News at Ten, no?



No.

Ah, shit.

Oh, well.

Two fellas over there.

Can you believe they voted no?

Can you believe it?
I couldn't believe it.

Yeah, well, not...
No, I know, but 18.

You know, it's almost worse
than if they'd kept it at 21.

There would be some honesty in that.

We hate you and, you know, piss off.

At least that would have been
consistent but, yeah,

we'll make you slightly more equal.

Yeah, well, big wow!

Of course it's better, I know that,
of course it is.



But, well, it's just...

It's 1994!

You know, Jesus!

That's what this fella said
last night.

He said it was good
and that things were changing

but it just makes you...

I don't want to be tolerated,
you know?

I've got a bit of falafel
in me teeth.

It's impressive when you see it.

The House of Commons. Have you been?

It's bigger than it looks on telly.

I just come down on my own.

I wasn't planning to.

I hadn't thought of it, really. I
mean, I knew the vote was coming up,

the reading of the bill.
I've been following it, but...

Then it was on the front page that
morning that Derek Jarman had died

and, erm...

You know,
not like it was a sign or anything,

I don't believe in all that,
but I just thought...

"Sod it. I should go."

You know, show them that we count.

You know, we do exist.

It does matter, the things
they're talking about, so...

I mean, I'm not a big fan
or anything.

I just knew he was important,
Jarman.

I've seen his version
of The Tempest.

It was the first thing I saw
at the arthouse cinema back home.

I never even knew they were a thing.

And I taped Blue off Channel 4
a couple of months back.

I haven't watched it yet.

That's been the best thing
about sixth form,

is discovering things like that.

No-one at my old school would ever
have gone to something like that.

Morons.

There was this lad in my year,
Darren Hardcastle.

Daz.

All he'd talk about was wanking.

You know, he was obsessed.
It's all he went on about.

And if he wasn't banging on about
wanking, he was punching people.

Wanking or punching.

And I used to think, "This is
what prison must be like.

"This is like...1984."

I couldn't wait to leave.

I ran from that place.

Well, metaphorically.

Well, literally.

They arranged a scrap with the comp
across the field.

I hated it.

We were outside for
hours last night, shifting around,

trying to keep warm.

Most people were in groups,
actually.

I don't know if they were friends
or from, you know, Stonewall,

that kind of thing.

There were some banners and signs
and people had candles.

You needed candles
because of how bloody cold it was,

I'm telling you. Flipping heck!

And there was a weird mix of
excitement because of what it was

and boredom because it took ages.

And this lad looked at me
a few times while I was there.

I saw him looking.

Caught his eye.

Looked back.

He was...

You know, he was lovely.

I can be a bit shy.

And then finally someone come out,
must have said it had been done,

whatever time it was, late,
come out of the House of Commons.

I couldn't see who they were

and then you heard
everyone starting to boo

and you think, "Oh..."

You know, because we'd been there
for so long because...

Well, I don't know how many people
there were, but enough.

You know, 200.

Enough for it to feel like...

You know, because I'm used to being
on my own.

I don't know anyone else who's...

gay.

And last night, there were loads
of us, and we're nice, you know,

I was looking round and I was
thinking, "These are nice people."

And so you start to think, well, of
course they'll vote the right way.

Why wouldn't they?
What would be the point in not?

You start getting carried away
with reason.

And I know...

you shouldn't do that.

And so this bloke come out and he
must have said they voted 18 and

everyone started to boo cos I think
we had all convinced ourselves

it was going to be 16, you know,
it was going to be equal,

so it was like a...
It was like a kick in the teeth.

And then we all sort of surged
towards the Commons,

towards the doors
he had come out of.

It just happened and police
were there, a couple on horses,

that kind of thing and...

And people are chanting and shouting

and just sort of, you know,
pissed off,

you know, and there is a bit
of a scuffle and I did think,

just for a moment, "Is this...?"

Because a policeman's helmet
landed at my feet.

Yeah, but it was nothing really,
and then someone shouted,

"Let's go to Downing Street,"

and so we all marched up there and
there was some shouting outside

the gates for a bit

and then we all went up to
Trafalgar Square and a group of

people started sitting in the road
to block the traffic and...

Well, you go along with it,
but I did feel a bit...

You know, self-conscious, I suppose.

You know, but also, like...

You know,
because I was pissed off, too,

and the police were getting a bit...

Well, not mardy but...

It was late.

I think we could all tell it had run
out of steam but we were angry.

That's the point.

And so what do you do?

So we did that for, you know...

..ten minutes.

Then everyone went home.

And then you read this morning
that there were scuffles

between police and a minority
out to cause trouble.

And there was no minority

out to cause trouble,
it was so...piddly.

There was a bit of shoving and
a bit of shouting and that's all.

But to read the papers,
the bit there is,

you'd think it was a kind of riot.

That's kind of interesting,
the distortion.

I've never been a part of something
that's been reported before.

We were all just fed up.

And so I'd missed my train by this
point and this fella, Marcus,

that I'd been sitting
in the road with,

he asked if I wanted to go back
to his and I thought...

Well, you know, but what do you do?

I had nowhere to go, and so I did.

That's his name, Marcus.

Of course it is, sorry.

"Mar-cous".

We went back to his, his flat,
and it was...

You know, I mean, it was fine.
It was a bit...

Not... It was OK.

I think I'd thought, and I mean,
this is stupid, I know it is,

but I think I'd thought
people in London...

London is just a place, isn't it?

Like any other.

I suppose you think, London...

You know,
I don't mean to sound snobby.

It's not snobby. I'm not a snob.

My mate Sean is proper bourgeois,

though he'd have you believe
he's working class because his dad,

I don't know, once drained
a radiator or something,

but I remember his face when I told
him we had our tea on our laps

on Sunday watching Bullseye,
so I'm not...

..you know, posh.

Anyway, he was asking what I did,
Marcus,

and I told him I was a student
and he said he worked for the BBC

in accounts,
so that's interesting, isn't it?

Kind of. And I'd said from the start
that I just needed a place to stay

until I could get a train home in
the morning and he said that was OK.

I was giving off the right vibes,
I think, so...

Yeah, it was cool.

He's a lot older than me.
He's 30, but he was...

You know, nice.

He made us some toast and
put the heat on, so it was fine.

He had this jam
that's made without any sugar.

And we talked a bit. He said he'd
been on a few marches and things.

You know, not just gay,
but other stuff.

Poll tax, and...

You know, so it was interesting.

We talked about last night and
called them bastards and put the...

What is it? Put the world to rights.

And then he said, "Well, at least
that means you're legal now."

You know, because I'm 18.

I mean, I'm actually 17
but I'd told him I was 18

because I thought 17
sounded a bit young.

That's stupid, isn't it?

And I think when he said that,
I thought...

"Right..."

You know?

I just kind of laughed it off
and then he said he should go to bed

and he went to get some bedding
for me for the sofa

and I think he thought I
was a virgin, which I'm not, but...

I mean...

Well, I'm not not a virgin.

But when he came back in
the living room with the bedding...

..he was starkers and I thought...

"Blimey!"

You know, but then I thought,
maybe that's just what he does.

Sean, my mate, sleeps in the nude.

It never occurred to me
that was a thing you could do

until I stopped round his.

Well, a lot hadn't occurred to me
until I stopped round his.

But anyway,
so I was sitting down on the sofa

and he dropped the duvet
and pillows next to me.

The duvet didn't have a cover on it.

The things that go through
your head!

You know, I thought, "Mum would
never give someone a duvet

"without a cover on it."

So then,

he was there...

You know, "Hello, boys!"

So I'm kind of...

And then he reached his hand out
and he stroked the back of my head,

just softly, and...
that was actually quite nice.

That sounds pathetic, doesn't it?

I'm not an idiot, I knew what...

Well, you know, cards were on
the table, but I thought,

he's letting me stay over
and he's not...

Well, he's quite nice,
you know, looking, I mean.

He's all right.
He's not Kristian Schmidt, but...

So I put him in my mouth.

And that seemed to go down well.

And then a minute or two later
he stood me up and he kissed me

and I thought,
"Right, I've got to decide now,

"you know, if I'm not up for this,

"I've kind of got to say something
now

"because you don't want to be rude."

But I didn't say anything and so
he led me through into his bedroom

and he said, "Is this all right?"

And genuinely, for a split second,

I thought he was asking
about his room, and I did think,

"Well, now we know what Athena does
with its remaindered stock."

But he had my top off by that point
and I felt kind of separate to it,

like I was watching myself,
you know,

like Brecht - verfremdungseffekt.

And I was kind
of talking to myself, saying,

"Is this all right? Is this OK?"

You know, keeping calm.
In my head, not...

No, I think that might
have put him off.

But it was just nice
not to be rushed because...

I suppose everything I've done
up till now

has been at parties
with lads from college who...

Well, you've got to sort of take
advantage of the moment.

I say lads, it makes it sound like
there's hundreds of them,

there's not, believe me,
really just me and...

Well, just me and Jamie Flynn,
I suppose.

And Sean.

We...

Not, not regularly, you know, not...

If he's drunk and in the right mood,

and I kind of know how to be in
the right place at the right time,

but... Well, it's an art
more than it is a science

and you've either got one eye
on the door or worse,

you've got to kind of prep yourself
in case he loses the mood or after

decides it didn't happen.

I don't mean nasty, but just...

So it was really the first time
it felt legitimate doing anything -

you know, with an accountant!

I didn't have a clue what I was
doing, I'll be honest, but...

Well, he didn't...

You know, he was nice, patient.

He kept talking to me
and checking I was OK.

I almost wished he wouldn't.

I almost wanted him
to just go for it.

Almost.

And I think, weirdly,

and this feels weird now
I come to think about it,

but I think because
I didn't madly fancy him,

it meant I could relax a bit more.

It didn't seem as important
as it might have done.

I could just do what he told me
and weirdly that was kind of easier.

I think...

I mean, it wasn't easy really,
but...

While we were doing it... I can't
believe I'm telling you all this.

I had a real coffee earlier.
I think it's kicking in.

There was a moment where I was
thinking,

"Two hours ago
I was outside Parliament

"and they were saying
I wasn't allowed to do this,"

and that made me laugh,
and that turned him on

because I think he thought it meant
I was getting into it,

and I was getting into it,
but not because of...

Not just because of him. I was
thinking about all the tossers who'd

opposed it, opposed me,

and I was thinking,
"If you could fucking see me now."

You know, fucking...

And that felt great.

Oh, I felt great.

You know, who'd have predicted
I'd spent my first time

thinking about Lady Olga Maitland
and Sir Nicholas fucking Fairburn.

I doubt anyone's ever thought about
them while they're doing it before,

including the people they're doing
it with, if they do ever do it,

the desiccated twats.

I wasn't dwelling on them. I'm not a
pervert. But it did give it a...

A frisson.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

I've never said frisson before.

I've only ever seen it written down.

That's one of those words,
you know, like...

hyperbole.

And then,

after, he turned the light off
and he held me

while he fell asleep and...

..all I could think was...

.."I hope Mum and Dad weren't
watching the TV news," because...

At one point, when we surged towards
the doors of the Commons,

that's when I'd seen the cameras.

They had these big lights
on the top of them, the cameras.

You know, like spotlights,
because it was dark, obviously.

I'd been trying to stay behind
this big bloke in front of me

so I wouldn't be seen,
but he moved out of the way

just at the same moment
that one of them swung round

and I know it got me
full in the face.

If that's been on the News at Ten,
I'm dead.

So that's why I wondered
if you'd seen it.

Well, I'll find out later today,
you know, when I get back.

I mean, I was thinking about him
as well, you know, Marcus.

I was thinking, "He could get
in trouble for this," but...

But then I thought, "Yeah,
but who's going to say anything?"

I mean, who is?
Who really cares?

Quite dry, aren't they, falafels?

My friend Elisa, she's a vegetarian.
I mean, not just a vegetarian,

she's quite fussy as well, you know,
fries everything in water.

She's got this...

Futon? No, tofu, instead of chicken.

Have you tried it?

I had some once.

I wouldn't go mad.

It's not really a substitute.

He's got his hand on his leg now.

Those two blokes.

It's just nice to see.

You know, Nottingham,
there's nothing.

Gatsby's, MGM the first Monday
of every month.

But, here...

Well, it's not lunchtime yet.

My two hopes are that there
won't be much coverage of it

and that's a good bet,
and that it won't be on at all,

or that they will only show
one or two seconds

so I'll be really unlucky
if I'm on it,

or that Mum and Dad
weren't watching last night.

Or that they were watching and I was
on it but they didn't see me because

they won't be looking for me.

They won't be expecting me
to be on it.

They'll think I stayed around Sean's
last night.

I'm kind of looking forward
to telling him about it, Sean.

I think I'll feel a bit better
around him now.

You know, it was good fun.

It's funny, isn't it?
Because if they'd said yes,

if they had made it 16...

..then I'd have gone straight home.