Queer as Folk (2000–2005): Season 5, Episode 12 - Mr. Right (Never Broke a Promise) - full transcript

SONG: # One, two, three, four,
five, six, take it down!

SONG: # One, two, three, four,
five, six, take it down!

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I...only...have...one question.

I...only...have...one question.

After we're married...

After we're married...

..will you still blow me?

..will you still blow me?

Ever the romantic.

Ever the romantic.

That depends.

That depends.

If you still fuck me
in every room of...um...

If you still fuck me
in every room of...um...

What are we gonna call it?



What are we gonna call it?

Mandalay?

Mandalay?

Xanadu?

Xanadu?

Wuthering Heights?

Wuthering Heights?

I'll leave the christening up to you.

I'll leave the christening up to you.

Brighton!

Brighton!

Bri...tin...

Bri...tin...

It's amazing, isn't it?

It's amazing, isn't it?

I wouldn't go that far.

I wouldn't go that far.

I mean, that it's really happening.

I mean, that it's really happening.

I can just see their faces
when they get their announcements.

I can just see their faces
when they get their announcements.

Jesus fucking Christ!

Jesus fucking Christ!

What is it, Deb?

What is it, Deb?

Brian and Justin are getting married.

Brian and Justin are getting married.

It just goes to show,

It just goes to show,

if you love someone
long enough and hard enough...

if you love someone
long enough and hard enough...

You get a sore ass?

You get a sore ass?

There's only one explanation.

There's only one explanation.

He must've knocked up Sunshine.

He must've knocked up Sunshine.

This is fucking bullshit!

This is fucking bullshit!

I almost didn't give it to you.

I almost didn't give it to you.

I was afraid you'd
bust your stitches.

I was afraid you'd
bust your stitches.

I'm a defector. I'm a Stepford fag.

I'm a defector. I'm a Stepford fag.

I infected his boyfriend and now -

I infected his boyfriend and now -

(Reads) "Please come
celebrate our commitment"?

(Reads) "Please come
celebrate our commitment"?

I'm not gonna celebrate anything!

I'm not gonna celebrate anything!

Apple cinnamon pancakes.

Apple cinnamon pancakes.

Yum!

Yum!

Look, you and Brian have a long
and significant history, alright?

Look, you and Brian have a long
and significant history, alright?

There are a lot of strong feelings.

There are a lot of strong feelings.

Were.
No, are.

Were.
No, are.

Whether you wanna admit it or not,
you still love each other.

Whether you wanna admit it or not,
you still love each other.

I do not love him.

I do not love him.

I don't - and he certainly
doesn't love me.

I don't - and he certainly
doesn't love me.

I mean, did he show up once
to visit me at the hospital?

I mean, did he show up once
to visit me at the hospital?

As a matter of fact, he did.

As a matter of fact, he did.

I'm sure he'd never want me
to tell you this.

I'm sure he'd never want me
to tell you this.

As if I care.

As if I care.

The night of the bombing,
when you lost all that blood

The night of the bombing,
when you lost all that blood

and we were afraid
we were gonna lose you,

and we were afraid
we were gonna lose you,

Brian was with us in the ER.

Brian was with us in the ER.

He wanted to donate his own blood,

He wanted to donate his own blood,

but the doctor refused
to take it because he's gay.

but the doctor refused
to take it because he's gay.

Well, when Brian heard that,
he went into a rage.

Well, when Brian heard that,
he went into a rage.

He did?

He did?

Yeah, you should've seen him.
He was like a wild man.

Yeah, you should've seen him.
He was like a wild man.

Yeah, he can get that way.

Yeah, he can get that way.

Point is, a person wouldn't act
that way unless he loved someone.

Point is, a person wouldn't act
that way unless he loved someone.

When you're done clearing,

When you're done clearing,

take out the garbage
and make sure you mop the floor.

take out the garbage
and make sure you mop the floor.

Anything else?

Anything else?

Thanks for reminding me - someone
blew their cookies in the gents.

Thanks for reminding me - someone
blew their cookies in the gents.

So glad I asked.

So glad I asked.

Hey, now, watch how
you're carrying that.

Hey, now, watch how
you're carrying that.

You break anything,
it comes out of your pay.

You break anything,
it comes out of your pay.

Aren't you being
a little rough on the kid?

Aren't you being
a little rough on the kid?

Hey, the kid doesn't like it here,
the kid can go back to school -

Hey, the kid doesn't like it here,
the kid can go back to school -

where he belongs.

where he belongs.

Go ahead - make my life miserable.

Go ahead - make my life miserable.

I'd rather clean toilets
for all eternity

I'd rather clean toilets
for all eternity

than go back to Shithole High.

than go back to Shithole High.

Good, 'cause without a diploma,
that's what you're gonna be doing.

Good, 'cause without a diploma,
that's what you're gonna be doing.

So, when did you join
the service industry?

So, when did you join
the service industry?

In case you've forgotten,
it's how I got my start.

In case you've forgotten,
it's how I got my start.

The Ironmen just lost
their fifth in a row.

The Ironmen just lost
their fifth in a row.

I guess they'd sooner go
straight to the cellar

I guess they'd sooner go
straight to the cellar

than gaily to the Super Bowl.

than gaily to the Super Bowl.

They've even got Markham
in there doing long throws.

They've even got Markham
in there doing long throws.

With that arm?

With that arm?

God, by half-time his wrist
must've been limper than mine.

God, by half-time his wrist
must've been limper than mine.

Plus his buns aren't
as cute as yours.

Plus his buns aren't
as cute as yours.

Uh, does anybody know
whose bag this is?

Uh, does anybody know
whose bag this is?

Um...

Um...

Did anyone leave a bag...

Did anyone leave a bag...

Carl?

Carl?

Don't panic.
I'll call the bomb squad.

Don't panic.
I'll call the bomb squad.

Excuse me, folks, does anyone own...

Excuse me, folks, does anyone own...

Honey, don't go near that!
There could be a bomb in there.

Honey, don't go near that!
There could be a bomb in there.

Huh, let's see.

Huh, let's see.

That's my lube, my butt plug,
my poppers, latest issue of 'Star'.

That's my lube, my butt plug,
my poppers, latest issue of 'Star'.

Poor Jennifer. Will she ever
find happiness without Brad?

Poor Jennifer. Will she ever
find happiness without Brad?

I suppose the only thing
remotely resembling a bomb

I suppose the only thing
remotely resembling a bomb

is the DVD of 'Alexander'
I rented from the video store.

is the DVD of 'Alexander'
I rented from the video store.

Yeah, I'll tell Lindsay and we'll
make a time to get together.

Yeah, I'll tell Lindsay and we'll
make a time to get together.

OK...thanks.

OK...thanks.

Oh! (Laughs)

Oh! (Laughs)

Honey, what did I tell you
about getting Mommy wet?

Honey, what did I tell you
about getting Mommy wet?

It's a rocket.

It's a rocket.

Did you have to buy him that?

Did you have to buy him that?

Well, it's only water.

Well, it's only water.

That was Jennifer - there's
a couple interested in the house.

That was Jennifer - there's
a couple interested in the house.

Oh?
Oh...what?

Oh?
Oh...what?

Oh, nothing.

Oh, nothing.

Oh, having second thoughts?

Oh, having second thoughts?

Of course, but that doesn't mean
we shouldn't go through with it.

Of course, but that doesn't mean
we shouldn't go through with it.

Listen, it's a big decision.

Listen, it's a big decision.

I was up half the night
worrying about it myself.

I was up half the night
worrying about it myself.

Oh, I thought it was the enchiladas.

Oh, I thought it was the enchiladas.

When I look at our kids' faces,
I think, "Why should they grow up

When I look at our kids' faces,
I think, "Why should they grow up

"someplace where they're told
their parents are sick?"

"someplace where they're told
their parents are sick?"

Where they're hurt and humiliated.

Where they're hurt and humiliated.

That kind of pain is indelible.
You can never wash it off.

That kind of pain is indelible.
You can never wash it off.

We have to talk
to Brian and Michael first.

We have to talk
to Brian and Michael first.

Well, I'm sure Brian
won't have any problems.

Well, I'm sure Brian
won't have any problems.

He'll probably say, "So long, sonny
boy. Don't forget your old dad."

He'll probably say, "So long, sonny
boy. Don't forget your old dad."

Michael's another story.

Michael's another story.

If anyone had asked me,

If anyone had asked me,

I would've said I'd be doing
Britney and whoever's wedding first.

I would've said I'd be doing
Britney and whoever's wedding first.

Well, we'll be sure
to recommend you.

Well, we'll be sure
to recommend you.

Now, I've gone over your wish list

Now, I've gone over your wish list

and everything seems fairly
cut and dry - but fabulous -

and everything seems fairly
cut and dry - but fabulous -

except for this one little item here.

except for this one little item here.

Golden gardenias?

Golden gardenias?

There's a Chinese legend that
once your lover breathes them

There's a Chinese legend that
once your lover breathes them

that he'll love you forever.

that he'll love you forever.

Oh, call the florist. Order a crate.

Oh, call the florist. Order a crate.

They only grow in the Xishuang Banna
Mountains in southern China.

They only grow in the Xishuang Banna
Mountains in southern China.

How about some petunias that only
grow in southern Pittsburgh?

How about some petunias that only
grow in southern Pittsburgh?

Hey, if Justin
wants golden gardenias...

Hey, if Justin
wants golden gardenias...

Alright, then he'll
have golden gardenias.

Alright, then he'll
have golden gardenias.

Michael, look at you! You're up.

Michael, look at you! You're up.

And out.
How are you feeling?

And out.
How are you feeling?

The doctor says I'll live,
provided I stay away from bombs.

The doctor says I'll live,
provided I stay away from bombs.

We were just...er...planning
the Taylor-Kinney nuptials.

We were just...er...planning
the Taylor-Kinney nuptials.

Well, don't let me disturb you.

Well, don't let me disturb you.

Oh, no. Actually, I was just leaving.

Oh, no. Actually, I was just leaving.

For China. If you would point
me in the right direction.

For China. If you would point
me in the right direction.

I got your invitation.

I got your invitation.

After I nearly died
a second time from shock...

After I nearly died
a second time from shock...

..I decided I'd come down
and say...congratulations.

..I decided I'd come down
and say...congratulations.

Well, I figure if it makes
Justin happy, what the hell?

Well, I figure if it makes
Justin happy, what the hell?

Like you've ever done
anything you don't wanna do.

Like you've ever done
anything you don't wanna do.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Well, as you so eloquently put it,

Well, as you so eloquently put it,

I can't go on being
an over-the-hill club boy forever.

I can't go on being
an over-the-hill club boy forever.

Still, no-one makes a better case
for perpetual immaturity than you.

Still, no-one makes a better case
for perpetual immaturity than you.

Look, what happened between us...
I...um...I just wanted to say...

Look, what happened between us...
I...um...I just wanted to say...

Forget it. I behaved like an asshole.

Forget it. I behaved like an asshole.

You behaved like a bigger one.

You behaved like a bigger one.

So...

So...

..you wanna be my best man?

..you wanna be my best man?

Really?

Really?

You always stood up for me.

You always stood up for me.

Why should now be any different?

Why should now be any different?

Hey. You're a married man.

Hey. You're a married man.

Not quite yet.

Not quite yet.

ALARM BEEPS

ALARM BEEPS

Always that second ball
that's the killer.

Always that second ball
that's the killer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Cranberry juice and sparkling water.

Cranberry juice and sparkling water.

Cosmo.
Coming up.

Cosmo.
Coming up.

You know, the times
they sure are a-changing.

You know, the times
they sure are a-changing.

Whoever thought we'd have to pass
through a metal detector

Whoever thought we'd have to pass
through a metal detector

to get into Woody's?

to get into Woody's?

Yeah - or that Brian Kinney
would be getting hitched?

Yeah - or that Brian Kinney
would be getting hitched?

Or that I'd be turning 35.
I mean, it's unbelievable.

Or that I'd be turning 35.
I mean, it's unbelievable.

That IS unbelievable.

That IS unbelievable.

OK, 36.

OK, 36.

And a half?

And a half?

Alright, fine - 39.

Alright, fine - 39.

Anyway, I'm throwing myself
a little celebration down at Tango.

Anyway, I'm throwing myself
a little celebration down at Tango.

Oh, love that place.

Oh, love that place.

It's gonna be you and Drew,
Michael and Ben, Mel and Linz,

It's gonna be you and Drew,
Michael and Ben, Mel and Linz,

Brian and Justin.

Brian and Justin.

Mm-mm-mm. Teddy!
What?

Mm-mm-mm. Teddy!
What?

Well, it's...it's your birthday
and you're the only who's all alone.

Well, it's...it's your birthday
and you're the only who's all alone.

Maybe not for long.

Maybe not for long.

You met someone? Again?

You met someone? Again?

Not just someone. The one, Em.

Not just someone. The one, Em.

This time I think
I've really found him.

This time I think
I've really found him.

Teddy! Tell me, tell me, tell me!

Teddy! Tell me, tell me, tell me!

Who, where, when? How?

Who, where, when? How?

Well, I was sharing at AA
and he was sharing at AA,

Well, I was sharing at AA
and he was sharing at AA,

then we had some coffee,

then we had some coffee,

then we went back to my place
and we shared a little more.

then we went back to my place
and we shared a little more.

And his name? I need facts.

And his name? I need facts.

Hard - hopefully - facts!

Hard - hopefully - facts!

His name is Tad.

His name is Tad.

Oh, my God, that's so adorable.

Oh, my God, that's so adorable.

Tad'n'Ted. Ted'n'Tad.

Tad'n'Ted. Ted'n'Tad.

(Laughs) It was meant to be.

(Laughs) It was meant to be.

What's he look like?
I want an exact description.

What's he look like?
I want an exact description.

Uh...well...
he looks exactly like...uh...

Uh...well...
he looks exactly like...uh...

..that.

..that.

Tad, this is Emmett.
Emmett, this is Tad.

Tad, this is Emmett.
Emmett, this is Tad.

Hello, gorgeous.

Hello, gorgeous.

Ted talks about you all the time.

Ted talks about you all the time.

Yeah, well, if it can't
be repeated, then it's true.

Yeah, well, if it can't
be repeated, then it's true.

I've missed you.

I've missed you.

It's only been a day.

It's only been a day.

For a Monarch butterfly,
that's an entire lifetime.

For a Monarch butterfly,
that's an entire lifetime.

Aww...

Aww...

JENNIFER: Top of the line appliances,
hardwood floors, 18 foot ceilings -

JENNIFER: Top of the line appliances,
hardwood floors, 18 foot ceilings -

there's not another loft
like it in Pittsburgh.

there's not another loft
like it in Pittsburgh.

Yeah, I know. I've been here before.

Yeah, I know. I've been here before.

Everyone I show it to
has been here before.

Everyone I show it to
has been here before.

Um...here's the tear sheet.
It's got all the details.

Um...here's the tear sheet.
It's got all the details.

Just give me a call
if you're interested.

Just give me a call
if you're interested.

Mind giving me the tour?

Mind giving me the tour?

Well, I was just about to lock up.

Well, I was just about to lock up.

I'm sure you can
find your way around.

I'm sure you can
find your way around.

Mom...wait.

Mom...wait.

I'm really busy. I'm in a hurry.

I'm really busy. I'm in a hurry.

What's this?

What's this?

Oh...honey...this...

Oh...honey...this...

That is...

That is...

That...is just...

That...is just...

Unbelievable? I know.

Unbelievable? I know.

That seems to be
the general consensus.

That seems to be
the general consensus.

And by the way, it's for two -

And by the way, it's for two -

so bring anyone you like.

so bring anyone you like.

Anyone?
Yes.

Anyone?
Yes.

Alright.

Alright.

Oh, but I have one condition.

Oh, but I have one condition.

I promise I won't make any rude
references to his age - or yours.

I promise I won't make any rude
references to his age - or yours.

You're damn right you won't,
but that's not what I was gonna say.

You're damn right you won't,
but that's not what I was gonna say.

I get the first dance - after Brian.

I get the first dance - after Brian.

Uh...no fucking way!

Uh...no fucking way!

I don't care if it's corny,

I don't care if it's corny,

the last time we danced was...
your cousin Joanne's wedding.

the last time we danced was...
your cousin Joanne's wedding.

Yeah, I was six.
You still remember how to foxtrot?

Yeah, I was six.
You still remember how to foxtrot?

No.
Sure you do!

No.
Sure you do!

No, I don't!
Sure you do, come on.

No, I don't!
Sure you do, come on.

No...
Come on!

No...
Come on!

(Laughs) Come on.

(Laughs) Come on.

Mom.

Mom.

Well!

Well!

Well, what do you know?

Well, what do you know?

You're never too big
to dance with your mom.

You're never too big
to dance with your mom.

The owner of the Ironmen called.
He wants me to come back.

The owner of the Ironmen called.
He wants me to come back.

Well, it's about time he realised
that winning the championship

Well, it's about time he realised
that winning the championship

is more important
than who you're fucking.

is more important
than who you're fucking.

Even if it is me.

Even if it is me.

I just hope my team-mates
feel the same way.

I just hope my team-mates
feel the same way.

Don't worry about them.
Just do what you do best.

Don't worry about them.
Just do what you do best.

Well...second best.

Well...second best.

Emmett...thanks.

Emmett...thanks.

For what?

For what?

Being there. Helping me.

Being there. Helping me.

All I did was lend
a little back-field support.

All I did was lend
a little back-field support.

It's your victory. Your...touchdown.

It's your victory. Your...touchdown.

The first one's for you.

The first one's for you.

Try one of the lace cookies.

Try one of the lace cookies.

Depends on what they're laced with.

Depends on what they're laced with.

How's my darling little daughter?

How's my darling little daughter?

Gorgeous as ever.

Gorgeous as ever.

You know what,
I'm gonna go give her a squeeze.

You know what,
I'm gonna go give her a squeeze.

Uh, before you do, there's something
we need to discuss with both of you.

Uh, before you do, there's something
we need to discuss with both of you.

Homemade cookies.
We must be in trouble.

Homemade cookies.
We must be in trouble.

I...um...

I...um...

I don't quite know
how to tell you this.

I don't quite know
how to tell you this.

I do...uh...

I do...uh...

Linz and I talked it over
and we decided we wanna move.

Linz and I talked it over
and we decided we wanna move.

What - the place getting
too tight for the four of you?

What - the place getting
too tight for the four of you?

Heading off to the suburbs?

Heading off to the suburbs?

I suppose you could
think of it as that.

I suppose you could
think of it as that.

We wanna move to Canada.

We wanna move to Canada.

To Toronto.

To Toronto.

It's not really very far.

It's not really very far.

Hell, you even bicycled there.

Hell, you even bicycled there.

Flying time it's only 45 minutes.

Flying time it's only 45 minutes.

It's still a foreign country.

It's still a foreign country.

Well, it's not like Uzbekistan
or the emirate of Qatar.

Well, it's not like Uzbekistan
or the emirate of Qatar.

Are those real places?

Are those real places?

How the fuck should I know?

How the fuck should I know?

But...why would you...

But...why would you...

I thought my marrying
Justin was a big shock.

I thought my marrying
Justin was a big shock.

The point is,
we no longer feel safe here.

The point is,
we no longer feel safe here.

Or even welcome in our own country.

Or even welcome in our own country.

At least there we won't be treated
like second-class citizens.

At least there we won't be treated
like second-class citizens.

Make that third-class
if Proposition 14 passes.

Make that third-class
if Proposition 14 passes.

You're talking about
taking JR and Gus.

You're talking about
taking JR and Gus.

That's why, before we do anything,
we want your approval.

That's why, before we do anything,
we want your approval.

Your blessing.

Your blessing.

Otherwise, we don't go.

Otherwise, we don't go.

Hi. How are you?
Good evening.

Hi. How are you?
Good evening.

Yeah, table for Schmidt?

Yeah, table for Schmidt?

Oh, yes.
OK. Thanks.

Oh, yes.
OK. Thanks.

I am so sorry I'm late.

I am so sorry I'm late.

Is everything alright?

Is everything alright?

Mmm. (Kisses) Just crazy hectic.

Mmm. (Kisses) Just crazy hectic.

OK. I was concerned.

OK. I was concerned.

I left you three messages.
You didn't call back.

I left you three messages.
You didn't call back.

I'm sorry, I didn't
have time to check my cell.

I'm sorry, I didn't
have time to check my cell.

Uh...yep, three messages.

Uh...yep, three messages.

So, what's so urgent?

So, what's so urgent?

Why don't you listen?

Why don't you listen?

OK.

OK.

I love you...

I love you...

I love you...

I love you...

I love you!

I love you!

Well, I have a message for you.

Well, I have a message for you.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for loving me.

You're very welcome.

You're very welcome.

And for being concerned.

And for being concerned.

Any time.

Any time.

What? Do I have a zit?

What? Do I have a zit?

Is there something
caught in my teeth?

Is there something
caught in my teeth?

No.

No.

Then...why are you staring?

Then...why are you staring?

I'm just looking.

I'm just looking.

For anything in particular?

For anything in particular?

The imperfection.

The imperfection.

Oh...

Oh...

There are plenty, believe me.

There are plenty, believe me.

I don't see any.

I don't see any.

It's the lighting.
Trust me, they're there.

It's the lighting.
Trust me, they're there.

Oh, I have a few myself.

Oh, I have a few myself.

I'll tell you what.

I'll tell you what.

I'll overlook yours
if you overlook mine.

I'll overlook yours
if you overlook mine.

Deal.

Deal.

Let's eat.

Let's eat.

MICHAEL: I've been fair.
I've been more than fair.

MICHAEL: I've been fair.
I've been more than fair.

I even gave up my custody
until she's much older.

I even gave up my custody
until she's much older.

This is going too far.

This is going too far.

This shit's really mellow.

This shit's really mellow.

Try some.

Try some.

I mean, there's only so far
you can bend before you break.

I mean, there's only so far
you can bend before you break.

I like that one.

I like that one.

Did you just make that up?

Did you just make that up?

I can't believe you're OK with this.

I can't believe you're OK with this.

The way I figure it,
it's just a free trip to Rio.

The way I figure it,
it's just a free trip to Rio.

How do you figure that?

How do you figure that?

All those frequent flyer miles.

All those frequent flyer miles.

Yeah, like I can see you
on a plane every weekend to Toronto.

Yeah, like I can see you
on a plane every weekend to Toronto.

No, but I can see you.

No, but I can see you.

Like they said, it's just
a hop, skip and a jump...

Like they said, it's just
a hop, skip and a jump...

I don't wanna talk about this.

I don't wanna talk about this.

Fine, let's talk
about something else.

Fine, let's talk
about something else.

What should I wear to my wedding?

What should I wear to my wedding?

My mom wants me
to wear the gown she wore,

My mom wants me
to wear the gown she wore,

but, let's face it,
she never had much luck.

but, let's face it,
she never had much luck.

It really wouldn't bother you,
would it, if they moved away.

It really wouldn't bother you,
would it, if they moved away.

If you never saw your son again.

If you never saw your son again.

He's with his two moms.

He's with his two moms.

They're back together again.

They're back together again.

One big happy family.

One big happy family.

So, even if it will cause me
a momentary twinge of regret,

So, even if it will cause me
a momentary twinge of regret,

on the rare occasion
that I think of him...

on the rare occasion
that I think of him...

..I'd say he'll be better off.

..I'd say he'll be better off.

Yeah, well, you were never
much in his life anyway.

Yeah, well, you were never
much in his life anyway.

No, I never was.

No, I never was.

Congratulations, baby.
Thanks.

Congratulations, baby.
Thanks.

First win in weeks, thanks to you.

First win in weeks, thanks to you.

That was some game!
God, you were absolutely...

That was some game!
God, you were absolutely...

Awesome, dude!

Awesome, dude!

Well, I really appreciate
you guys coming to cheer me on.

Well, I really appreciate
you guys coming to cheer me on.

Are you kidding? Even an 'Ab Fab'
marathon wouldn't keep me away.

Are you kidding? Even an 'Ab Fab'
marathon wouldn't keep me away.

Wait, honey.

Wait, honey.

The last thing you need
is to go out with lipstick on.

The last thing you need
is to go out with lipstick on.

When you scored the winning
touchdown, the fans went nuts!

When you scored the winning
touchdown, the fans went nuts!

Yeah, except for
a couple of name-callers,

Yeah, except for
a couple of name-callers,

but Deb told them
to shut the fuck up

but Deb told them
to shut the fuck up

or she'd shove their
Budweisers up their butts.

or she'd shove their
Budweisers up their butts.

And that is a direct quote!
Uh, that's great.

And that is a direct quote!
Uh, that's great.

So, you catch that guy with Boyd?

So, you catch that guy with Boyd?

Oh, you mean his tight end?

Oh, you mean his tight end?

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Let it go.

Let it go.

If you guys wanna continue
your 5-game losing streak,

If you guys wanna continue
your 5-game losing streak,

I can play for another team.

I can play for another team.

I'm sure they wouldn't mind winning.

I'm sure they wouldn't mind winning.

If you want a shot at the Super Bowl,

If you want a shot at the Super Bowl,

not to mention all the bonuses,
endorsements and perks,

not to mention all the bonuses,
endorsements and perks,

I suggest you keep your mouths shut.

I suggest you keep your mouths shut.

(Sighs) Sorry, Drew.
It was just a joke.

(Sighs) Sorry, Drew.
It was just a joke.

Great game.
Yeah, great game.

Great game.
Yeah, great game.

Drew! Phil Jansen, Channel 5 News.

Drew! Phil Jansen, Channel 5 News.

Do you think
your performance tonight

Do you think
your performance tonight

will put to bed any rumours...

will put to bed any rumours...

I like the minimalist
direction your work's taking.

I like the minimalist
direction your work's taking.

Luckily, you're not an art critic.

Luckily, you're not an art critic.

It's the seating chart
for our wedding dinner.

It's the seating chart
for our wedding dinner.

Oh...

Oh...

Homo, lesbian, homo,
lesbian, homo, lesbian.

Homo, lesbian, homo,
lesbian, homo, lesbian.

I hope Mel and Linz don't
leave town before the wedding.

I hope Mel and Linz don't
leave town before the wedding.

It will fuck up my entire
seating arrangement.

It will fuck up my entire
seating arrangement.

Something tells me
they're not going anywhere.

Something tells me
they're not going anywhere.

Pope Michael is never
gonna give his blessing.

Pope Michael is never
gonna give his blessing.

I'd hate not seeing them.

I'd hate not seeing them.

Or the kids, especially Gus.

Or the kids, especially Gus.

I was there the night he was born.
I even named him.

I was there the night he was born.
I even named him.

I forgot about that.

I forgot about that.

I'm not surprised.
You were stoned out of your mind.

I'm not surprised.
You were stoned out of your mind.

And yet I have a vivid memory
of the subsequent events.

And yet I have a vivid memory
of the subsequent events.

I'm sure you do.

I'm sure you do.

What the fuck.

What the fuck.

It's their lives.

It's their lives.

It's their decision.

It's their decision.

You know, you amaze me.

You know, you amaze me.

He's your son and you're acting
like you don't give a shit.

He's your son and you're acting
like you don't give a shit.

They're his parents, not me.

They're his parents, not me.

I'm just...
An uncredited guest appearance.

I'm just...
An uncredited guest appearance.

I know.

I know.

You should give
yourself more credit.

You should give
yourself more credit.

I see how you are
when you're with him -

I see how you are
when you're with him -

it's like nobody else
on earth exists.

it's like nobody else
on earth exists.

And when he looks at you...

And when he looks at you...

You know, I don't think
you should seat your mom's boyfriend

You know, I don't think
you should seat your mom's boyfriend

next to Debbie unless
you're trying to scare him away.

next to Debbie unless
you're trying to scare him away.

Will you listen to me?
Are you listening?

Will you listen to me?
Are you listening?

Yeah, I'm listening.

Yeah, I'm listening.

You're not your father.
You love your son.

You're not your father.
You love your son.

Now, what's it gonna take
for you to admit it? Another bomb?

Now, what's it gonna take
for you to admit it? Another bomb?

I'm gonna go take a shower.

I'm gonna go take a shower.

You know what they say
about bags left unattended.

You know what they say
about bags left unattended.

Well, I thought they were gonna
blow up the fucking diner.

Well, I thought they were gonna
blow up the fucking diner.

Shows how paranoid you can get.

Shows how paranoid you can get.

Any more ziti for anyone? Michael?

Any more ziti for anyone? Michael?

No, thanks.

No, thanks.

You did the right thing, sweetheart.

You did the right thing, sweetheart.

Until we catch whoever planted
that bomb, you can't be too careful.

Until we catch whoever planted
that bomb, you can't be too careful.

It's no wonder Mel
and Linz wanna move away.

It's no wonder Mel
and Linz wanna move away.

Well, I don't care
what the reason is.

Well, I don't care
what the reason is.

You don't split up family.

You don't split up family.

That's all there is to that, period.

That's all there is to that, period.

Hey. We don't grab in this house.

Hey. We don't grab in this house.

We stand up, bend over and reach.

We stand up, bend over and reach.

You're saying you think
it's OK if they take JR?

You're saying you think
it's OK if they take JR?

No, no, but considering what's
going on in this country...

No, no, but considering what's
going on in this country...

At the risk of sounding unpopular,
it's not that bad.

At the risk of sounding unpopular,
it's not that bad.

Yeah, for you. You're not gay.

Yeah, for you. You're not gay.

Well, I don't see where you guys
got such a raw deal either.

Well, I don't see where you guys
got such a raw deal either.

Well, tell that to the families
of the people who were killed.

Well, tell that to the families
of the people who were killed.

If Michael hadn't been so lucky,
I'm sure you'd feel different.

If Michael hadn't been so lucky,
I'm sure you'd feel different.

I'm not saying you don't have
a reason to be concerned.

I'm not saying you don't have
a reason to be concerned.

If I was gay and I had kids,
I'd be worried too.

If I was gay and I had kids,
I'd be worried too.

But you gotta have faith.

But you gotta have faith.

The wind changes, tide turns.

The wind changes, tide turns.

While you're waiting
for the wind and the tide,

While you're waiting
for the wind and the tide,

I say you've gotta
stand up for yourself.

I say you've gotta
stand up for yourself.

Like Drew did.
That was totally awesome.

Like Drew did.
That was totally awesome.

Well, if it was so totally awesome,
maybe you could take a lesson.

Well, if it was so totally awesome,
maybe you could take a lesson.

Too skinny to play football.

Too skinny to play football.

You know what I mean.

You know what I mean.

Carl, honey, there's a chicken breast
right here with your name on it.

Carl, honey, there's a chicken breast
right here with your name on it.

Baby, are you alright?

Baby, are you alright?

You're awful quiet, sweetheart.

You're awful quiet, sweetheart.

If you're tired, why don't you
go upstairs and lie down?

If you're tired, why don't you
go upstairs and lie down?

It's OK, Mom. I'm fine.

It's OK, Mom. I'm fine.

OK. Who's ready for ice-cream?

OK. Who's ready for ice-cream?

Remember that critic
from 'Art Forum',

Remember that critic
from 'Art Forum',

the one you thought
was that other 'C' word?

the one you thought
was that other 'C' word?

Simon what's-his-name.

Simon what's-his-name.

He wrote an entire article about you.

He wrote an entire article about you.

So?

So?

Well, so, do you realise
how much buzz this has created?

Well, so, do you realise
how much buzz this has created?

I mean, I'm already getting calls
from galleries, collectors...

I mean, I'm already getting calls
from galleries, collectors...

That's nice.

That's nice.

'Nice'.

'Nice'.

Artists work for years -
their entire lives -

Artists work for years -
their entire lives -

and never get this kind of attention.

and never get this kind of attention.

The critics are raving about you,

The critics are raving about you,

people want to buy your work.

people want to buy your work.

Great. You can sell it to them.

Great. You can sell it to them.

Well, that's true, I could.

Well, that's true, I could.

But this is a chance
for you to move up.

But this is a chance
for you to move up.

Take the next step.

Take the next step.

Where?

Where?

New York.
(Laughs)

New York.
(Laughs)

No, I'm serious.
It's the centre of the art world.

No, I'm serious.
It's the centre of the art world.

I know - if I can make it there,
I could make it anywhere.

I know - if I can make it there,
I could make it anywhere.

You've practically made it already.
All you have to do now is show up.

You've practically made it already.
All you have to do now is show up.

I can paint in Pittsburgh.

I can paint in Pittsburgh.

You think Warhol would've become
Warhol if he'd stayed here?

You think Warhol would've become
Warhol if he'd stayed here?

If it's so important,
why didn't you go?

If it's so important,
why didn't you go?

Because I didn't have your talent.

Because I didn't have your talent.

(Sighs) I know how much
this means to you,

(Sighs) I know how much
this means to you,

how much you believe in me -
you always have -

how much you believe in me -
you always have -

but New York isn't
my opportunity of a lifetime.

but New York isn't
my opportunity of a lifetime.

Brian is.

Brian is.

HEAVY TECHNO MUSIC PULSES

HEAVY TECHNO MUSIC PULSES

Feel the thump-a, thump-a?

Feel the thump-a, thump-a?

Yeah!

Yeah!

What's the thump-a, thump-a?

What's the thump-a, thump-a?

You know, it's the gay pulse that
keeps on beating no matter what.

You know, it's the gay pulse that
keeps on beating no matter what.

I can feel it.

I can feel it.

Yeah - so can I.

Yeah - so can I.

It can be disconcerting at first,
being the object of desire,

It can be disconcerting at first,
being the object of desire,

but you'll get used to it.

but you'll get used to it.

I did.

I did.

How about a drink?

How about a drink?

Oooh, Cosmo, please!

Oooh, Cosmo, please!

A girly drink? Have something
that puts hair on your chest.

A girly drink? Have something
that puts hair on your chest.

Why? I'll just have to shave it.

Why? I'll just have to shave it.

It's Romeo and Juliet.

It's Romeo and Juliet.

(Snorts) Who gets to be Romeo
and who gets to be Juliet?

(Snorts) Who gets to be Romeo
and who gets to be Juliet?

You can take turns being Juliet.

You can take turns being Juliet.

Are you here alone?
I'm with my Drewsie.

Are you here alone?
I'm with my Drewsie.

His team won today,
thanks to his divine touchdown.

His team won today,
thanks to his divine touchdown.

I love how you've adapted
your inimitable style

I love how you've adapted
your inimitable style

to the manly game of football.

to the manly game of football.

So, you're here celebrating?

So, you're here celebrating?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's his first time in a gay club,

It's his first time in a gay club,

so he's feeling a little intimidated,
the poor baby.

so he's feeling a little intimidated,
the poor baby.

Know what? I'd better go save
my lost lamb from the wolves.

Know what? I'd better go save
my lost lamb from the wolves.

Ta!

Ta!

Ta!

Ta!

Em's great, isn't he?

Em's great, isn't he?

He's quite a character.

He's quite a character.

Yes, his flame burns bright,
but don't let that fool you.

Yes, his flame burns bright,
but don't let that fool you.

If it weren't for him...

If it weren't for him...

..I wouldn't be here
with you tonight.

..I wouldn't be here
with you tonight.

I'd like to get to know him.

I'd like to get to know him.

I'd like you to know all my friends.

I'd like you to know all my friends.

Michael, Ben...even Brian.

Michael, Ben...even Brian.

Oh, and you will.
They'll all be at my birthday bash.

Oh, and you will.
They'll all be at my birthday bash.

Your birthday bash!

Your birthday bash!

I have to think of something
totally amazing to get you.

I have to think of something
totally amazing to get you.

You already have.

You already have.

MICHAEL: I've been thinking
a lot about what you've asked.

MICHAEL: I've been thinking
a lot about what you've asked.

Um...in fact, I haven't
thought about anything else.

Um...in fact, I haven't
thought about anything else.

And so far I've come up
with about a thousand good reasons

And so far I've come up
with about a thousand good reasons

why moving to Canada is a lousy idea.

why moving to Canada is a lousy idea.

I'd be away from my daughter,

I'd be away from my daughter,

she'd be raised in another country,

she'd be raised in another country,

we wouldn't be in each other's lives,

we wouldn't be in each other's lives,

so, all things being equal,

so, all things being equal,

there's just no way
I can go along with it.

there's just no way
I can go along with it.

We figured as much.

We figured as much.

However...

However...

..all things aren't equal.

..all things aren't equal.

At least, not here. Not for us.

At least, not here. Not for us.

And despite my personal objections...

And despite my personal objections...

..if you wanna live in a place
where Gus and JR will be safe...

..if you wanna live in a place
where Gus and JR will be safe...

..where they accept
and respect gay people,

..where they accept
and respect gay people,

where they'll have
the same rights as everybody else...

where they'll have
the same rights as everybody else...

..then I give you my blessing.

..then I give you my blessing.

Thank you, Michael.

Thank you, Michael.

Yes, Michael.

Yes, Michael.

Thank you for your blessing.

Thank you for your blessing.

If you wanna leave,
I have no problem.

If you wanna leave,
I have no problem.

You have my blessing too.

You have my blessing too.

But Gus stays here.

But Gus stays here.

What?
Gus stays here.

What?
Gus stays here.

But we assumed...
That I'd give you my consent.

But we assumed...
That I'd give you my consent.

That I'd say, "Sure, take my son.
Flee the country."

That I'd say, "Sure, take my son.
Flee the country."

That's not the kind of lesson
I want you teaching him.

That's not the kind of lesson
I want you teaching him.

To run away from a bully.

To run away from a bully.

Or to be afraid
to stand up and fight.

Or to be afraid
to stand up and fight.

I have never run away from a bully.

I have never run away from a bully.

And I have fought for gay rights
more than you have or ever will.

And I have fought for gay rights
more than you have or ever will.

But we have an infant
and a little boy depending on us

But we have an infant
and a little boy depending on us

and their lives come first,

and their lives come first,

so don't you dare accuse me of
teaching your son the wrong lessons

so don't you dare accuse me of
teaching your son the wrong lessons

when you haven't
taught him a goddamn thing!

when you haven't
taught him a goddamn thing!

Mel, please.

Mel, please.

Don't tell me 'please'.

Don't tell me 'please'.

The...the winner four years in
a row of the disinterested dad award

The...the winner four years in
a row of the disinterested dad award

suddenly decides he cares
about his son so we can't leave.

suddenly decides he cares
about his son so we can't leave.

We asked for their blessing,

We asked for their blessing,

and he has a right not to give it.

and he has a right not to give it.

Well, how's my favourite
stud muffin -

Well, how's my favourite
stud muffin -

except for Carl Horvath, of course?

except for Carl Horvath, of course?

Yeah, hold on.

Yeah, hold on.

Um...he's not here right now.

Um...he's not here right now.

When will he be back?

When will he be back?

(Whispers)
What the fuck's that supposed to be?

(Whispers)
What the fuck's that supposed to be?

Busy!

Busy!

He's busy. Yeah, very busy.

He's busy. Yeah, very busy.

He'll...call...you.

He'll...call...you.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

If I wanted to be a fucking
interpreter, I'd work at the UN!

If I wanted to be a fucking
interpreter, I'd work at the UN!

Well, I'm sorry
to put you through that, Deb,

Well, I'm sorry
to put you through that, Deb,

but I have no intention
of speaking to Mr Boyd

but I have no intention
of speaking to Mr Boyd

after that disgusting display.

after that disgusting display.

Well, then, dump these for me,
will you?

Well, then, dump these for me,
will you?

And after I stuck by him.

And after I stuck by him.

For Christ's sakes.
Would you give the guy a break?

For Christ's sakes.
Would you give the guy a break?

He's 17!

He's 17!

I'll admit he looks amazing,
but actually he's 33.

I'll admit he looks amazing,
but actually he's 33.

Yeah, if you're counting
chronologically,

Yeah, if you're counting
chronologically,

but emotionally
he's practically a baby.

but emotionally
he's practically a baby.

He's a kid in a candy store.

He's a kid in a candy store.

He just wants to lick
every peppermint stick

He just wants to lick
every peppermint stick

he can get his hands on.

he can get his hands on.

Eventually he'll grow up,

Eventually he'll grow up,

but first he has
to relive his adolescence.

but first he has
to relive his adolescence.

So what am I supposed to do
in the meantime? Twiddle my thumbs?

So what am I supposed to do
in the meantime? Twiddle my thumbs?

Well, whatever you like.

Well, whatever you like.

But forgive him his youth.

But forgive him his youth.

Remember, you were once
a gay young thing yourself.

Remember, you were once
a gay young thing yourself.

Mel?
I'm sorry I woke you.

Mel?
I'm sorry I woke you.

No, you didn't.
I couldn't sleep either.

No, you didn't.
I couldn't sleep either.

You want some tea and honey?

You want some tea and honey?

Oh, make mine arsenic.

Oh, make mine arsenic.

It's not worth killing yourself over.

It's not worth killing yourself over.

Not for me! For him.

Not for me! For him.

Gus is his son too.

Gus is his son too.

What's this?

What's this?

Oh, it's a letter my grandfather
wrote me when I got into law school.

Oh, it's a letter my grandfather
wrote me when I got into law school.

(Reads) "My dearest Ruchel" -
that's Yiddish for Rachel.

(Reads) "My dearest Ruchel" -
that's Yiddish for Rachel.

He liked my middle name.

He liked my middle name.

"You have no idea how proud I am.

"You have no idea how proud I am.

"To think that one day
my granddaughter

"To think that one day
my granddaughter

"will be the first Jewish woman
Supreme Court justice."

"will be the first Jewish woman
Supreme Court justice."

Zayde always dreamed a bit.

Zayde always dreamed a bit.

"I hope you know how lucky you are

"I hope you know how lucky you are

"to live in a country where everyone
has the same right to live his life

"to live in a country where everyone
has the same right to live his life

"free of intolerance and oppression.

"free of intolerance and oppression.

"That's why I came here
so many years ago.

"That's why I came here
so many years ago.

"Be grateful you're an American."

"Be grateful you're an American."

I wonder what he'd say
if he knew what was going on now.

I wonder what he'd say
if he knew what was going on now.

(Reads) "The HPS Sentinel system
will not only give you peace of mind,

(Reads) "The HPS Sentinel system
will not only give you peace of mind,

"it will also lower
your home-owner's insurance

"it will also lower
your home-owner's insurance

"and improve
the value of your house."

"and improve
the value of your house."

What are you looking at that for?

What are you looking at that for?

Well, I just thought it'd be worth
considering. You know, just in case.

Well, I just thought it'd be worth
considering. You know, just in case.

Oh, you've got me to protect you.

Oh, you've got me to protect you.

Oh, why, Mr Kent,
you really are Superman.

Oh, why, Mr Kent,
you really are Superman.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Later!

Later!

Whoa, whoa, pal. No breakfast?

Whoa, whoa, pal. No breakfast?

Can't. Late.
You're working the morning shift?

Can't. Late.
You're working the morning shift?

Nope.

Nope.

If your grandmother-general's
not gonna court marshal you,

If your grandmother-general's
not gonna court marshal you,

what's the rush?

what's the rush?

School.

School.

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

Dude, if one expects
to achieve greatness,

Dude, if one expects
to achieve greatness,

it won't be by cleaning
the crapper at the Liberty Diner.

it won't be by cleaning
the crapper at the Liberty Diner.

A profound observation.

A profound observation.

I admire your ambition,
but you've missed a lot of classes.

I admire your ambition,
but you've missed a lot of classes.

Then you'd better start boning up.

Then you'd better start boning up.

Since you'll be helping me.

Since you'll be helping me.

Hey!

Hey!

Don't let the kids
at school get to you.

Don't let the kids
at school get to you.

If a pussy like Drew Boyd
can deal with it, so can I.

If a pussy like Drew Boyd
can deal with it, so can I.

Smart-ass!

Smart-ass!

When did he learn to throw like that?

When did he learn to throw like that?

About six months ago.

About six months ago.

I must've been working.

I must've been working.

Or something.

Or something.

Well, all that's about to change.

Well, all that's about to change.

No more Babylon. No more late nights.

No more Babylon. No more late nights.

Just the quiet life
of a happily married man.

Just the quiet life
of a happily married man.

Doesn't sound like the
"I don't care what those

Doesn't sound like the
"I don't care what those

"self-loathing
hypocritical fags think.

"self-loathing
hypocritical fags think.

"It's my life and I'll fuck
whoever I want"

"It's my life and I'll fuck
whoever I want"

Brian Kinney I know and love.

Brian Kinney I know and love.

It's kind of like taming a horse.

It's kind of like taming a horse.

Well, let's hope
I don't end up like Trigger.

Well, let's hope
I don't end up like Trigger.

(Laughs) Oh, did you see this?

(Laughs) Oh, did you see this?

Justin's probably
too modest to show you.

Justin's probably
too modest to show you.

That's pretty impressive.

That's pretty impressive.

He says the house you bought
is pretty impressive too.

He says the house you bought
is pretty impressive too.

A swimming pool, stables...

A swimming pool, stables...

He's gonna have
a fucking fabulous time

He's gonna have
a fucking fabulous time

when he comes to visit his old man.

when he comes to visit his old man.

He could still have a fabulous
time when he visits his old man

He could still have a fabulous
time when he visits his old man

during the summer.

during the summer.

Your keeping us here isn't gonna
make up for lost opportunities.

Your keeping us here isn't gonna
make up for lost opportunities.

I want another chance.

I want another chance.

I want him to know who I am.

I want him to know who I am.

He will.

He will.

I don't want him to forget me.

I don't want him to forget me.

He won't. We'll make sure of that.

He won't. We'll make sure of that.

He's not the only one
I'm gonna be losing.

He's not the only one
I'm gonna be losing.

I don't want you to go, Wendy.

I don't want you to go, Wendy.

I have to, Peter.

I have to, Peter.

Indian food fit for a rajah.

Indian food fit for a rajah.

That was quick.

That was quick.

Well, there's the new take-out
place - Curry in a Hurry.

Well, there's the new take-out
place - Curry in a Hurry.

Your order's ready quicker than
you can say 'chicken vindaloo'.

Your order's ready quicker than
you can say 'chicken vindaloo'.

What you looking at?
Nothing.

What you looking at?
Nothing.

Come on, let me see.

Come on, let me see.

Let me see. Let...

Let me see. Let...

Come on, get down...and open.

Come on, get down...and open.

Mount Flame...

Mount Flame...

I'm taking you for your birthday.

I'm taking you for your birthday.

It's a great ski week.

It's a great ski week.

You don't have to do that.

You don't have to do that.

I want you to have
the best birthday ever.

I want you to have
the best birthday ever.

You make it my best birthday.

You make it my best birthday.

Well, think of how much fun
it'll be, shooshing down the slopes.

Well, think of how much fun
it'll be, shooshing down the slopes.

Even though I don't ski.

Even though I don't ski.

Sipping hot toddies.

Sipping hot toddies.

Even though I don't drink.

Even though I don't drink.

Cuddling in front of the fire
after we've made love.

Cuddling in front of the fire
after we've made love.

Ah! That is something I do.

Ah! That is something I do.

When do we go?

When do we go?

A week from Friday.

A week from Friday.

A week from...oh, we can't!
Why not?

A week from...oh, we can't!
Why not?

Well, that's the night
of my birthday dinner, remember?

Well, that's the night
of my birthday dinner, remember?

I didn't forget.
I called the restaurant.

I didn't forget.
I called the restaurant.

You can cancel it if you want.

You can cancel it if you want.

You can even get your deposit back.

You can even get your deposit back.

Just ask for Rob.

Just ask for Rob.

I know, but I invited
all my friends...

I know, but I invited
all my friends...

Ted, you can see
your friends any time.

Ted, you can see
your friends any time.

This will be a chance
for us to be alone together.

This will be a chance
for us to be alone together.

I thought you'd like that.
I would.

I thought you'd like that.
I would.

So, what's the problem?

So, what's the problem?

You're right, there isn't any.

You're right, there isn't any.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Yeah?
Yeah.

This is going to be the most
romantic weekend you have ever had.

This is going to be the most
romantic weekend you have ever had.

Just you and me
in our own little world.

Just you and me
in our own little world.

I'm glad you finally called.

I'm glad you finally called.

Well, I was upset.

Well, I was upset.

Needed some time.

Needed some time.

I want you to know that guy
at Popperz came onto me.

I want you to know that guy
at Popperz came onto me.

You didn't exactly resist.

You didn't exactly resist.

Although I have to admit,
he had a certain trashy appeal.

Although I have to admit,
he had a certain trashy appeal.

Vodka rocks.

Vodka rocks.

Mmm, you'd better make his
a Shirley Temple. He's underage.

Mmm, you'd better make his
a Shirley Temple. He's underage.

(Laughs) Under what age?

(Laughs) Under what age?

The age where you've
been there, done that.

The age where you've
been there, done that.

And that and that.

And that and that.

As Deb once said to me

As Deb once said to me

"Em, you have been on more
wieners than French's mustard."

"Em, you have been on more
wieners than French's mustard."

But you...you've just been born.

But you...you've just been born.

You're not ready for boyfriendhood.

You're not ready for boyfriendhood.

You've got a whole
world in front of you.

You've got a whole
world in front of you.

I don't want to block the view.

I don't want to block the view.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Don't be.

Don't be.

As a presiding geezer,

As a presiding geezer,

let me say that this is your time to
experience everything and everyone.

let me say that this is your time to
experience everything and everyone.

To enjoy yourself.

To enjoy yourself.

Safely.

Safely.

One Shirley Temple.

One Shirley Temple.

What about us?

What about us?

Someday we'll get together
and have a real drink.

Someday we'll get together
and have a real drink.

When will that be?

When will that be?

Call me on your 21st birthday.

Call me on your 21st birthday.

You know, your idea
of registering at Prada was genius,

You know, your idea
of registering at Prada was genius,

but don't you think Pottery Barn
would be a little bit more useful?

but don't you think Pottery Barn
would be a little bit more useful?

(Laughs) Shoes, serving bowls,

(Laughs) Shoes, serving bowls,

shoes, blender...
no, I don't think so.

shoes, blender...
no, I don't think so.

(Reads)
"Mr Taylor's large-scale canvas

(Reads)
"Mr Taylor's large-scale canvas

"combines the high-energy
impulsiveness" -

"combines the high-energy
impulsiveness" -

my, that's a mouthful -

my, that's a mouthful -

"of Pollock,
plus the analytical painterliness" -

"of Pollock,
plus the analytical painterliness" -

he likes big words - "of Johns."

he likes big words - "of Johns."

"But what makes his talent unique

"But what makes his talent unique

"is a quality that hasn't
been seen in a long time."

"is a quality that hasn't
been seen in a long time."

"Sex appeal."

"Sex appeal."

"New York is waiting
to be conquered."

"New York is waiting
to be conquered."

That's some review, Mr Taylor.

That's some review, Mr Taylor.

I don't even know why
Lindsay showed you that.

I don't even know why
Lindsay showed you that.

Because you didn't.

Because you didn't.

Just because some art scene fairy -

Just because some art scene fairy -

who probably admired my ass
a lot more than my work -

who probably admired my ass
a lot more than my work -

decides to write a fawning review,

decides to write a fawning review,

doesn't mean I should pack my bags
and grab the next Greyhound.

doesn't mean I should pack my bags
and grab the next Greyhound.

He could've admired your ass
without writing a fawning review.

He could've admired your ass
without writing a fawning review.

And you have never been
on a Greyhound in your life.

And you have never been
on a Greyhound in your life.

No, but I have been to Hollywood.

No, but I have been to Hollywood.

They gushed too, remember?

They gushed too, remember?

Made a bunch of bullshit promises.

Made a bunch of bullshit promises.

What makes you think New York
could be any different?

What makes you think New York
could be any different?

The only one who never
broke a promise was you.

The only one who never
broke a promise was you.